Bangkok Garden of Eden and a Philippines Detour

My story begins I guess about 25 years ago. I married an Indonesian girl I had met and worked with and we eventually settled in Australia and had two lovely children. Before the second child had started school I noticed my wife had been unfaithful it was more than just one man. Also she had no interest in joining me for aerobics. For the sake of the children I pretended not to know about her antics and I battled on without any aerobics until my children were adults.

I decided now is the time. I hired a lawyer and finally felt as though morally I could have some fun too. Since the divorce was not far away I decided to look online. So many dating sites and so many delicacies in Southeast Asia. I tried the Philippines first heck it was a minefield. Instinctively I knew that they were out to skin me alive despite their allure. I knew the score. At almost 60 the only thing I have that would attract a 20 something lady is my money although I should say I do obviously look fit and healthy and well maintained for my years.

It was the end of 2019 and I was getting restless for travel too. I planned and booked an epic trip through Southeast Asia. Yes I have a taste for meeting women from these countries I’m well aware of my weaknesses too hence my dating caution. I had already burnt through about 200 Filipino women online chatting not one of them was on the level although I never did try a popular Christian website.

I had organized my holiday by now and it was already January 2020 and wham COVID came along. Suddenly travel restrictions began to appear everywhere. I scrambled to rescue my travel. I canceled everything except the first leg of my journey which would take me to Bangkok. The next leg into China was already a no go. I had heard that Bangkok was the number two city in the world for fans of that wonderful game called ‘Connect Four.’ In fact I had read that the number one city was Pattaya only two hours from Bangkok. I had never been to Thailand and originally Bangkok was to be just a two night stopover with a visit to Soi Cowboy whatever that was.

Meeting Nan

I’m not the most street smart guy but when she said she worked as a masseuse my alarm bells rang until it was clear that she worked in arguably the most expensive hotel spa in all of Bangkok. A single man would never go to one of these if he was looking for some aerobics. She had a pretty sad but genuine story. She had been forced by her boyfriend to partake in aerobics when she was a young girl and before she was 18 she’d had two children and her boyfriend then left her. She was born in Isaan and according to her is a mixture of Lao and Khmer background very typical for Isaan people and indeed she certainly does not look at all like Central Thailand.

Her early life had been particularly tough. As a single mum she tried everything to provide for them. She was estranged from her mother she felt deserted by her because she went off to Norway with a man. Her father had departed the scene some time before that. Her mother convinced her to go to Bangkok and to try her luck. She applied to work in various massage shops and was accepted into one. The owner a man gave her work a bed above the shop and he sponsored her to complete her schooling to which indeed she completed university. I never probed Nan about what the sponsorship entailed. I did ask but then I changed the subject as the answer is of course obvious. Nan did say that she was thankful for him for paying her schooling fees.

With university completed she decided wisely to move on. By now she had had a lot of experience doing real massage. With her boss’s references she applied at various hotels. How she was accepted at this very posh hotel I don’t know but work there she did. I feel she was initially hired to clean and prepare the rooms at 10 AM each morning with a promise of work in the spa as the need arose.

Nan was genuinely looking for love. Wisely she knew that a Westerner like myself was a perfect match as only somebody like myself would consider a second hand Isaan country girl. I was upfront about not yet being divorced but she trusted me and the process was underway anyway. For some reason we really clicked. I was a perfect gentleman and she was a perfect lady in our chatting although we did flirt a little but always in a way such that I could apologize if I said too much.

I was arriving in Bangkok the day after Valentine’s Day in 2020. Nan and I were very excited. I stuffed a large koala toy in my bag and off I went to the airport. That day Nan had apologized for not looking Thai and for not having large breasts. I had reminded her that having been married to a Southeast Asian lady I was aware of the situation and it did not matter. I prefer slim girls not fat girls. During our flirting I had said it was many years since I had an aerobic session. Just quietly I had visited a doctor and told him of my many hopes in Thailand. He said that I did not qualify for a prescription for the blue tablets my problem was purely in my head so full of anxiety.

The First Night

I arrived just before midnight on Valentine’s Day and by the time I cleared customs it was the next day already. And there was Nan greeting me with a big hug. I am very attuned to Southeast Asian culture so I did not attempt to kiss. I was very impressed with how Nan looked yes she had been using a touch up app on her phone to remove her scars but wow she looked great. We’d agreed that she’d meet me and escort me to my hotel we’d never discussed more than that. In the taxi she reminded me that I had said I’d never had a genuine Thai massage so she began to massage my thigh. You can imagine my anxiety levels were sky high. I was so nervous.

I was absolutely positive that this was an opening gambit by her but then I was filled with so much self doubt too such as ‘What if I am wrong?’ In hindsight it was obvious that she had planned that move and executed it very well. I should have been going ‘Yeah I’m in’ and I should not have been in a nervous state.

We arrived at the hotel just a stone’s throw away from Soi Cowboy. By now I was well versed from online study and I was not at all surprised when the check in staff did not ask for Nan’s ID. She absolutely did not look like a working lady that I had only just met in one of the nearby bars. I asked Nan if she wanted to see my room and she had a surprised look on her face. In hindsight I suspect she was momentarily disappointed in that she thought I was not keen to partake of some aerobics or that I was timid. What she didn’t realize and what I won’t bother explaining here is that she was my first real girlfriend. I’d never been in this situation before.

As soon as the room door was closed I could not hold back. After much kissing in the doorway she pushed me away and silently went about the room first switching on the air conditioner and adjusting the temperature a check of the bed comfort she pulled the TV remote out of a drawer and then an examination of the bathroom. Everything seemed in order. Yes it is a major red flag when a so called ‘good girl’ knows her way around a hotel room but she had worked in a very posh hotel and in our conversations she knew a lot about cleaning routines staff rostering and such. In fact I had always suspected that she had worked as a room cleaner for a couple of hours many days prior to her spa shift.

Nan had a shower and then made it very clear she wanted me to shower too. While I was showering I noticed that Nan had managed to find a reflected view through a narrow slit into the bathroom. She was spying on me. At this stage I thought ‘I’m going to give her a show.’ I was already somewhat excited to see her and I’m sure that she would have noticed too. Smelling decent I returned to the bedroom under the covers curtains drawn lights off.

What followed was simply incredible. I had never actually had what people call ‘the girlfriend experience’ ever in my life. My wife had a certain routine which focused on her needs only and it never really included intimacy it was always very clinical. The handful of times each year when we had connected for aerobics and of course there had been nothing for about 15 years. It soon became apparent that Nan had been honest about her lack of experience too. She did not know the English words for the various strategies we use while playing Connect Four and it seemed that she had never experienced some of those strategies. I also noticed that she was rather ‘sweet’ downstairs. She explained that she had not expected me to do what I did and indeed it had never happened for more than a fleeting second during a game.

Nan Takes Charge

She later apologized to me as she had noticed me gagging and coughing but she explained that she had never had so much continuous bliss ever. It was during one of my coughs that she excused herself and returned much improved. She sat down on the bed grabbed my head and let it be known that the show must go on.

Thank the heavens this was no ‘Hunt for Red October’ but at times I had to fight against her hands as I surfaced for a breather. For my part I got so carried away with Nan’s enjoyment that I forgot my own. I learned that night that at my age sustaining what I needed to sustain for well over an hour until it was almost 3 AM local time (or 7 AM in Australia) was way too much to expect. I apologized and we slept.

The Morning After

Then almost immediately it seemed my alarm went off. It was 7 AM Thai time silly me I had forgotten my alarm was still on. I opened my eyes and there was Nan sitting up in bed with a huge smile on her face looking at me. She immediately took charge that morning. I watched a Thai rodeo in my room. There was a particular lady who was really full of energy and clearly having the time of her life. Every so often Nan would lean down with her huge smile and plant a gentle kiss on my lips. Without warning she flipped over a rocket blasted off for Saturn that morning and the explosion surely woke the neighbors. Nan was so thrilled at my enjoyment it was as though she blamed herself for my failure the previous night. We lay together in the aftermath cuddling in no hurry.

This was also something I had never done in my life. I had achieved my life’s dream I had a real girlfriend.

What followed over the next 10 or so days was a whirlwind romance but also one tinged with regret and sadness regret that in adjusting my travel plans I had not allowed for a longer trip and sadness as I knew that each day was one less day enjoying man’s paradise. I had after almost 60 years finally found my Garden of Eden. We were constantly together and constantly exploring exploring new vistas each of us had missed in our younger years. I did silly things like buying her candy and chasing her around shopping malls and taking lots of silly photos together you would have thought we were teenagers.

There was a time we wandered over to Nana Plaza in Bangkok. Neither of us had seen a go go bar. Nan kept trying to push me inside then I realized she wanted to look at the women’s boobs because Nan is rather flat herself. That explains why she constantly plays on my chest she wants to know what it’s like to be endowed. And when I organized a really expensive dinner in a nice restaurant I asked if she had a nice dress and shoes. ‘No problem’ was the reply. It was the same dress her only dress she wore to meet me at the airport and a pair of white running shoes. Back in the hotel room we were teenagers too.

It was her birthday during our time together she’d hit the big 30. Like naughty children we moved to a couple of new hotels with me whispering to the staff each time that it was her birthday. We would wait patiently in our room for the chocolate cake surprise or whatever to arrive. And what do naughty people do when alone in a room waiting for their birthday surprise? Here I was at almost 60 doing what my own children were right then enjoying for themselves. It is no wonder that they had pushed me to go to Thailand with lots of nudges and winks. They felt sorry for me and indeed were rather annoyed with my wife and they had even confided that they knew what she was doing and had tried to hide it from me so I wouldn’t be hurt.

It seems that everybody in the family knew about the situation but we all carried on to live one big charade for over 20 years of marriage. Never in my life had I had a genuine girlfriend and indeed that story will likely never be told for this story is about Nan and the profound sadness and despair which is about to follow.

Memories

Oh I remember the trick she played on me in Central Festival on Beach Road in Pattaya that food court on the right a little downstairs near the Beach Road entrance. She went straight to the som tam kiosk as she does. This time I decided that I’d have the same as her. She asked if I was sure. I informed her to bring it on I’m brave. As I was eating I was aware of the look from the two girls at the kiosk. They seemed quite concerned and amused at my antics as I thumped the table while I struggled with the hottest chili I’d ever had in my life.

Or the time when I wanted to play Connect Four on the sofa in our room but she insisted we use the bed because she was worried that we’d make a mess and the cleaner would do us in and she knows that in a hotel such as this a fine is really expensive. So a tug of war ensued on the floor between the bed and the sofa and we spilled our drinks and snacks and made a mess anyway.

I fondly recall a day when we didn’t quite make it out of our room for breakfast or lunch or dinner. In that respect Nan was insatiable. Just laying together in each other’s arms money cannot buy that genuine girlfriend experience. Giving her pleasure and her genuine appreciation was a new experience for me and a memory to treasure forever.

The Separation

Our time came to an end. Needless to say at the airport the tears flowed. I was a mess. COVID was upon us and I knew that meeting again would be delayed a few months just a few so I thought. Nan not expecting the romance to blossom had signed a contract to work as a head masseuse in a new spa in a Western hotel in Dhaka Bangladesh. She had been headhunted by a customer at her spa. I strongly advised Nan against this as I suspected it was a scam. She assured me that it was okay and that COVID would blow over and she would have a dream job. Her English language contract seemed legitimate enough to my eyes.

As the months marched on it was clear that COVID was here to stay. That job in Dhaka was canceled but worse was to befall me. In hindsight I think the story is too long.

Back in Australia I became really sick. After about 10 days deliriously sick. My wife was away with her boyfriend. My kids were staying over at their partners’ houses. I was alone and literally too sick to prepare food for myself. I would crawl from a mattress on the floor to the bathroom several feet away as necessary. I had the presence of mind to get every drink bottle in the house and to fill them with water and put them around my bed. My shoulders in particular ached so much the pain was like they were on fire. Even as I lay it felt that my muscles were being eaten alive from my neck to my upper arms.

After 48 to 72 hours of this the pain suddenly lessened somewhat. I was still delirious but able to stand. The local hospital was just a kilometer away. I was aware of COVID I can’t call a taxi now. Thinking clearly I decided to walk to the hospital an ambulance never crossed my mind. 45 minutes later after collapsing and crawling much of the way I arrived at emergency. I just lay in the doorway. The nurses ran out and went through a covered screening routine and got me into a wheelchair. The main concern was that I was coughing ‘No’ was always my answer. Due to a lack of testing infrastructure and the lack of the main symptom I was never tested for COVID that day. I was sent home and told to take paracetamol. The pain and high fever lasted several days more.

I went to my GP informing the front office that the hospital had determined that I did not have COVID. The doctor dismissed my shoulder concerns but he did arrange testing for a variety of viruses. Back home I looked in the mirror for the first time in a while. I had so much loose skin around my upper arms and shoulder area I looked emaciated. My weight had dropped in just a few days from 73 to 67 kilograms. This was not right. So back to the doctor the next day. It transpired that I had contracted a virus to which most people are immune after schoolyard exposure as an adult it hit me very hard. Additionally I had a complication from the virus. I had contracted Parsonage Turner syndrome.

I also noticed something I could no longer shave myself and do other very specific movements such as use a fork normally in my left hand but I could do many other things. In fact superficially I did not appear handicapped. I worked as a driver. I noticed I could not use the steering wheel with my left arm nor use the turn indicators which are on the left side of my vehicle. For the next six months I hid the problem in a very clever way. Over about 10 months I regained almost full use of both arms in fact I’m 98% recovered today.

The Request for Money

During the recovery time and it being COVID I was rather forlorn. Nan was also depressed. Nan had returned to her country village in Isaan. Not once had she asked me for any money but finally the request came. I was saving every penny for my dismissal. I declined to help them. Later I did send her part of what she requested about 25000 Baht. Nan had requested a lot more to help build her farm and stock it with pigs and corn dig out the pond to make a small lake for fish freezers and so on. Along the way we seemed to become more dejected. The chats became less frequent and then months went by with silence. We both simply gave up.

As 2022 began it became clear that Australians would soon be able to travel. I dutifully applied for leave at work but on each occasion my application was rejected. COVID had meant that my industry a critical infrastructure industry was short of workers like me. Finally in 2022 I received permission for that November. It was already June but I informed Nan that I was coming. I had time to reassess our relationship in the cold hard light of day. It was clear that it was nothing more than me living a boyhood dream an infatuation. My approach now with Nan was more business like. We both want some fun we’ll go on afterwards with our own lives. Feeling confident at work I began sponsoring Nan at 12000 Baht per month.

I was at full stretch with that amount because I had a disastrous run with my retirement investments and I was frantically working with my accountant to recover my dream plan of retiring in 2022 which incidentally won’t happen.

The Devastating News

In September Nan complained of terrible headaches and being unwell. In October silence. After a couple of weeks a message she was in hospital. Tests were being conducted. The headaches were worse than a migraine. Silence again. Then an apology she had been in an induced coma. Now fluid had been extracted from her spine in order to ascertain the brain problem. They knew that she had acquired a rare fungal infection in the brain. She had been rushed to a private hospital. She could no longer walk. Nan never asked for money she simply stated the medical invoices so far had amounted to 84000 Baht and were steadily climbing. There was a lot more silence due to her brain not functioning as it should as well as sedation.

I had determined that I had become besotted with Nan after a fling of less than two weeks. She cannot speak English and I have no Thai we use an app to translate all the time. The only thing we had in common was a desperate need at the time to fulfill a fantasy of a missed era of puppy love of that genuine first relationship as a youngster. Looking back over many aspects of the days we were together it is now apparent to me that she was playing the long game. Several times she spoke of her dream of a life in Australia a star struck dream if ever there was in my opinion. And yes her hope for a boob job so that she could become a complete woman for me when we travel together.

I had tried to introduce her to non Isaan food she would always go back to som tam. She was happy in some variation of that for every meal with that mango dessert and sometimes watermelon too. Other food I got her to try she would just pick at. She dreamed about her life in Australia. I know that life would have been miserable for her. She promised to be a good wife and to cook every day. I do like spicy food but I can only take so much som tam.

And here is Nan literally incapacitated and at death’s door with a fungus eating away at her brain. Will she die? I think so that is the prognosis as far as my research has concluded especially given limited financial means and thus no access to the best hospital in Bangkok. Her condition is not improving and arguably worsening in between periods of respite when she thinks that the latest spinal tap improved her condition for a few hours. Should I throw good money at her to try to prolong her life? That 84000 Baht down payment with no clear total is a worry. She will need lifelong disability care if she survives and she can no longer walk. Then her farm and the pigs corn and fish are a financial concern too. I am totally torn. Do I help her but potentially ruin my own retirement plans?

I should help her but where is the love? Is it right that I should go all in without love? I care about her for sure but that in itself is not full love.

I made the decision to inform her that I do not have permission from my accountant to give her more money but I will try to reassess the situation in a few weeks. Call me cold hearted. Call me mercenary. Call me a killer for not trying everything to save a life. This is tearing me apart.

Story Two A Minefield in the Philippines And Back to the Wife

I met my wife in Thailand in 2007 married in 2008. The marriage was good but we did have problems from time to time and separated a couple of times. We had separated and I came back to the States. I was sure the marriage was over and decided to travel back to the Philippines. I met a girl at a chat site and she was drop dead gorgeous. We talked for a few months and I agreed to come and she met me at the airport in Manila. I didn’t recognize her as the picture I had seen of her was 10 years old and she had changed a lot. I decided to give her a chance.

She had told me she had two sons and never married. The oldest son was a product of rape and the second from a relationship she had ended a few months prior. She said she worked in the market to support her two boys and her mother who lived with her. Turns out she lived with her mother had four sons was married and her mother worked to support them along with her worthless husband. It seems her line of employment was scamming foreigners into sending her money. She had arranged to rent a house in Angeles City for us and her mother and two sons to live in meanwhile scamming me for any money she could get from me. The relationship sucked from the start and after a couple of months I decided to end it.

Her mother seemed very nice and had taken good care of me. It seems her husband didn’t like her oldest son since he was not his father and abused the boy who was 16 by then. The grandmother had taken him to raise at birth. I developed a close relationship with him and his younger half brother who was nine. When their mother left to go back to her husband I asked the grandmother to stay with the two boys with me and they did. The grandmother told me the truth about her daughter. Two weeks after I arrived in the Philippines COVID had hit and we were all on lockdown. The grandmother asked me to buy a puppy and I did. A month later I decided to buy a female for the male puppy. Eventually I started a relationship with the grandmother and all was good it seemed.

After seven months I returned to the States. I had given the grandmother access to my email site and her jealousy came out. She started accusing me of running around on her which I had not. One day she accused me of putting naked pictures of my wife online. I remembered seeing such a message in my spam folder I never opened spam messages because of viruses. I explained to her what the message was but told her she was causing me too much stress and ended the relationship. However I loved my dogs so I agreed to send her money to support my puppies. We remained friends and now have six babies from the first two.

When her daughter had gone back to her husband she had told him she had been working for me as a house girl but her youngest son had told him we were sleeping together. He beat her severely but she stayed with him. He had abused the older boy many times and had once poured hot grease on his hands scarring them so they did not like each other. When I met the husband I told him if he ever touched the boy again I would kill him. He knows I mean it so stays away from the boy.

Meanwhile back in the States I had a home that also had my wife’s name on the title so I wanted to sell the house to her. To make the story shorter I realized she is a woman of my dreams and we worked out our problems. So I’m looking forward to getting back to Thailand and my wife as quickly as I can. I want to believe I am getting wiser as I get older but truth be known it is probably my wife who is the wise one.