From the Bars of Phuket to a New Life in Australia

my name is Om. My husband has been asking me to write this for a long time. I would start and stop often as it’s sometimes difficult and I don’t always like to remember the past. But here it is my life before meeting my now husband of 12 years.

Early Life

As with many Isaan girls I came from an extremely poor background. Being the eldest daughter it was up to me to do what I could to help my family. At the age of 22 in 2002 I was working in a shoe factory outside Khon Kaen. I worked six days mostly 12 hour shifts including overtime and earned approximately 1300 Baht per week. This was not a lot and I had to sleep at the factory all week only going home on the weekends. I had a boyfriend too at the time and he was always asking me for money. I couldn’t give him much and he was not happy. I broke up with him because all he wanted to do was party and drink. He really didn’t care for my feelings at all and I was just another income to him.

I have a niece who suggested we go to Phuket and work there as we could make a lot of money entertaining foreigners and getting them to buy us drinks in the bars. She had another relative who did this and always came home with lots of money. Now I was not naive to how things worked in Phuket and other places. I went with my eyes wide open and felt I had nothing to lose. I had just broken up with my boyfriend and I hated my job and my low wages. So off we both went with little money and just a few basic clothes. We spoke no English so it was difficult.

The Bar Years

We got a job working in the Tubby Bar on Nanai Road. This was very far away from Bangla Road. Remembering I spoke no English at the time I didn’t know what ‘good money’ was and wasn’t. We only got 20 Baht for each lady drink and the bar fine was 200 Baht of which the girls got nothing. My niece didn’t stay too long because she hated the drinking every day. It was difficult. I bought a book to teach myself English and I tried my English out on the customers. This was something very funny but I realized quickly it made me much more popular with the customers. I was very much aware how attractive my Thai accent was to them when I spoke English.

What I hated most was the drinking. It made me very sick being drunk every day I worked. So I was very happy if I could get a long time new customer and stay with them for a week or more even if it was just for a 1000 Baht tip per day plus food and clothes it was better than having to drink every night in the bar. I had a Scottish customer who was nice to me and gave me 20000 Baht tip for a whole week plus all my food. These guys were rare but when you get one you make sure they enjoy their time with you.

I would like to say at this point the ones who try to bargain a girl down are the worst for us. I know we are providing a service and this is a business transaction but it’s still disrespectful in a way. And if a girl does go with you for a lesser tip you won’t get the same attention and she will want to be back on the street as quickly as possible. So for the cheap Charlies you’re better to wait till after midnight when you can get a girl who may not have met many new customers that night and would do a cheaper tip. Just don’t start the conversation with ‘how much’ is my best advice.

So after about nine months I left Tubby Bar and went to work in Bangla Road. I had decided very quickly to go freelancing as I hated the drinking and the bar got most of the money and I was always hungover. My English was much improved and this was a great asset for me. I also started selling beer and wine on the Beach Road with a friend. We had a small stall and my friend would keep the stall open if I went with a guy. I would give her some money when I got back or the next day if it was to be a long time. It was a great way to meet guys and better than standing around waiting like many girls do on Beach Road.

I secretly hoped I would meet one man who wanted me as a wife and who would take me away from this life but it never happened. It took me some years to realize it was very difficult to meet a good man in Bangla Road bars or on Beach Road. I did have several foreign boyfriends during the eight years I spent working but I never stopped working while I was with them even though some asked. I would say yes okay just to keep them happy. I know that will make some of your viewers unhappy but you must realize working in this business we have a limited shelf life. Once a girl hits 30 you’re competing with all the 18 to 20 year olds. Men are quick to promise a lot but rarely deliver.

I was with one guy for a few years who visited me twice a year and sent me 1000 Baht a week which was kind but not enough for me to live on. I went on a tourist visa to visit his family in Europe and realized he still lived at home and had no real way of supporting us. I’m not a gold digger as some might assume but I wanted a better life not more of the same.

Land Money and Broken Promises

I had friends back then whose only goal was to get a guy to buy land for them and build a house knowing full well all assets would be in her name and the guy wouldn’t have a leg to stand on if he ever tried to get his money back should they break up. I had two boyfriends and the times overlapped so I had to be sure they didn’t come to see me at the same time. One was quite rich and had a yacht in Malaysia that we stayed on but he would never commit. I was just his fun girl and someone to show off to his rich friends. I knew how it was. The third just wanted me to be his Thai girlfriend when he was in Thailand. He didn’t want me working and paid me 10000 Baht a month so I wouldn’t.

Of course I still worked because he was sometimes late sending money and I didn’t know how long it would last.

I had many different types of guys. I liked the married couples because they paid well were often shy and not experienced. Getting them to say what they wanted and feel at ease was all part of my job. Some nationalities I stayed away from because they were often in a group and would send out one guy to get a girl only to be greeted by several more men in the hotel room. I would quote a very high price to get rid of them.

The easiest guys were the ones who first tipped me and after getting back to the hotel went to sleep because they were too drunk. Sometimes I would stay anyway to see how they felt in the morning. There was always a chance of a free breakfast or they might invite me to spend the day with them.

Some will think I had it made and that I was rich by now. It is not the case. My family had become increasingly dependent on me. My sister was not working as she had just had a baby and her husband left her for a younger girl. My father had hit a pedestrian with his truck and killed them so he was not working and was sent to prison for four months. So my mother had to visit him and take him food and money so he could survive.

Being a freelancer is a very lonely life and you learn not to trust anyone even the girls you work with will try to scam you plead in poverty or for some reason they can’t pay their rent.

The Search for a Husband

I had been overseas on a few tourist visas during my bar girl days but nothing permanent ever happened. I knew I needed to change my life. A friend back in Khon Kaen suggested I try dating websites to meet her husband. She put me in touch with a woman called Joe who for a fee of 15000 Baht would create an online account for me with a ThaiLoveLinks dating site. She would answer and reply to men for me. She also had a computer in her home so I could Skype with them.

I was now getting close to 30 and had no chance to meet a Thai husband anymore. They only want young girls. To be 30 and single in Thailand is not attractive in Thai culture. So I saw my only chance to marry was with a foreigner.

The beer stall on Beach Road ended as my friend wanted more money from me as she wouldn’t go on dates with guys. I found this unfair so we stopped working together. The guy with a yacht wanted to come back to Thailand to visit me. I said no as I was going back to Khon Kaen to live with my family and I wanted to find a husband. He was very upset and without me knowing showed up at my parents’ house looking for me. He kept calling me and I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. I didn’t want the life he was offering. I was getting older and I wanted to live a normal life. I had to get a new phone number because he wouldn’t give up. I think in the end he really liked me a lot.

My mother told me he cried when I wouldn’t come back.

Just before I left Phuket I met a nice guy from England. I was not working on this day. We ended up talking for three hours. On his last day before he went back to England he wanted my email and phone number. When he got back to England he would SMS me a lot. He wanted to email me but I had no computer so I asked my sister to email him for me and I would tell her what to write. My sister was too lazy and gave my email to my auntie to do it. My auntie is a very bad person. She emailed this English guy pretending to be me and asked him for a computer and to send a lot of money by Western Union. The guy sent an SMS to me asking what was going on. I replied I didn’t know anything about it.

He was very upset and stopped contact with me. You see even my own auntie was trying to scam me. She ruined my chances with possibly a very nice man.

Finding a Husband Online

I worked another six months and saved everything I could to return to Khon Kaen and pay the 15000 Baht fee for Joe to do my ThaiLoveLinks account. When I visited Joe and we started looking at male profiles Joe had one guy who was nice and was about to come to Thailand but the girl he wanted to see had to go back to her husband at her family’s request. This guy Joe said was genuine. That man turned out to be Liam who I later married and live with in Australia for the last 10 years. I am now 40 years old.

Advice to Viewers

I don’t regret my past choices because in the end I have been fortunate to realize my dream. My husband knows all about my past and doesn’t judge me. I have listened to a few stories on your channel Peter. I also watch some Nat and Dave episodes and those are very true of some girls in the bar scene and outside of it too.

From a Thai girl’s point of view I would suggest the following don’t fall in love too quickly. The spell of Thailand will grab you and if you don’t pause to think you will make bad choices. Tourists see us as a cheap place to live but the reality is it will be very expensive for you once you have a Thai girlfriend and her family into it. So make sure you leave money in your home country and plenty of it. If you cannot then you are taking a big risk with no backup plan.

We are not all alike and we are not all scammers and gold diggers. We’re also human. But we value security very highly. Even in Australia my Thai friends would never ask ‘Does your husband love you?’ The first questions will be ‘What is his job? Does he make a lot of money? How big is his house? Do you have land in Thailand?’ That sort of thing. Not common questions Western people ask but typical of Thais.

Thanks for listening and I hope your viewers enjoy hearing this. When Liam read it back to me it felt like it was someone else he was talking about. I’m quite shy as a person and to meet me I doubt you would ever guess my past if I didn’t tell you.

Story Two From a Go Go Bar to a Family A Modern Romance

Having traveled to almost 40 countries all over the world I never had the chance to visit Thailand. I did some research and in October 2017 I booked a ticket for January next year. By then I was 31 years old working as an engineer and I was in a relationship for nine years a strange relationship since my girlfriend was working in Finland for more than three years and we didn’t meet very often. It didn’t surprise me when I told her that I was going to Thailand with my friends and she didn’t seem to care that much. The vibe just wasn’t there anymore. Eventually we broke up.

After reading about Thailand I decided that I wanted to meet some genuine Thai girls. I registered and paid for my subscription on Thai Cupid and I started to chat with three girls. The first girl Fon was a teacher in Bangkok and after a couple of days of good chat we decided to meet in Bangkok in January. The other two girls rarely replied to my messages.

The day came and we started our trip to Thailand. We landed in Chiang Mai where we stayed for a couple of nights exploring the city and its surroundings. We visited temples we went on an elephant tour and we tried the night market. We really enjoyed the Thai food and we couldn’t believe how cheap it was compared to Europe. We then flew to Bangkok where I was supposed to meet Fon that evening. Surprisingly she was not answering my calls for some reason. We decided to spend the next three nights at the bars in Soi Cowboy. Although we read online about the go go bars and the things you should do and shouldn’t do I soon found out that you can never be prepared for something like this as a first timer.

So obviously we had a lot of fun we got drunk and spent a lot of money but for a few nights I think it was worth it.

The next step of the trip was another three days in Phuket where we would visit the islands and relax before we headed back to Europe. On the first night in Phuket to my surprise I received a phone call from Fon at 2 AM crying and telling me that someone had stolen her belongings and she couldn’t reach me. She asked if I could come back to Bangkok and visit her for just one night. So I agreed and I took a flight the day after. I met her at a nice restaurant on Sukhumvit Road. She was very cute but we didn’t chat so much because she was very shy and her English was not that good. We spent a couple of hours together and she went her way and I went back to the hotel.

That evening I decided to go to the bars again because the next day I had to go back to Phuket to meet up with my friends. After a crazy night in Soi Cowboy I checked my phone and saw a couple of messages from Fon. She asked me why I hadn’t asked her to come and spend the night in my hotel room. I was a little bit shocked as I never expected this from a woman in my country or other Western countries. By then it was already 4 AM and I had to go to sleep as I was flying back to Phuket in the morning. The trip was coming to an end and we eventually went back to our own country where it was snowing heavily.

A Flight Deal to Bangkok

Now obviously this is not the end of the story. As a travel geek I will spend time every day looking for flight deals travel hacks and so on. In February while I was in my office at work I saw a great deal from Qatar Airways for a return flight to Bangkok for only 279 euros. I wasn’t keen on traveling to the same country in such a short time but this deal was unreal. So I booked it without thinking who I will travel with or what I will do there. The deal was from the 11th to the 18th of April which coincided with the Thai Songkran festival. I didn’t know what that was at the time but found out it was a festival where everyone comes out onto the streets has fun and throws water over each other.

Over the next couple of weeks I tried to convince my friends to come with me but with no success. So I decided to visit some other parts of Thailand as I was alone. My plan was to go to Udon Thani Ubon Ratchathani and Surat Thani just random places to see how life is in Thailand outside of the big cities. April came around very quick and I boarded the flight to Bangkok ready for my first solo adventure. After two flights I arrived into Bangkok at 12 PM and I was off to a nice hotel the Marwin Pick Hotel on Soi 15. I can really recommend it it’s a top hotel. I was so tired but I really wanted to see how people throw water at each other and have fun and not getting angry whatsoever. I found it quite exciting as it was a new thing for me.

Meeting Jit

On route to my hotel to take a nap I thought it would be nice to have a chat or meet somebody in Bangkok before my next flight to Udon Thani the next day. I remembered Jit one of the three girls I chatted with a couple of months ago was living in Bangkok and I still had her contact details. So I called her and suggested we meet up. Although she was quite hesitant she agreed to meet me at 9 PM at a bar where she worked. It seemed a little odd to work that late but I was thinking maybe she is a waitress or something. To my surprise the bar was only a 10 minute walk from my hotel and it was in Soi Cowboy.

I woke up very late to drink some water at 10 PM at night and I was still very tired so I wasn’t keen on going out. I went to bed again but for some reason I couldn’t sleep so decided to go and meet Jit. As I entered the bar I didn’t know where to look for her so I started to have a couple of drinks. After five minutes I saw Jit she was getting ready to dance on the bar. She was an absolutely stunning looking girl taller than the average Thai girl. The photos from Thai Cupid didn’t reflect how beautiful she really was. I literally think she was the most beautiful girl in the bar. She saw me and immediately came to speak with me. She was very friendly and I was very happy that her English was not bad at all. We spent the whole night together.

I bought her lady drinks but she was never pushy with me asking for drinks. I asked her how old she is and to my surprise she replied 18. I didn’t believe her maybe because she is tall but she showed me her ID. I was a little bit shocked as 18 years is way too young for me. I spent all night with her in the bar and eating food outside on the street afterwards. At 4 AM I headed back to my hotel.

In the morning I took a flight to Udon Thani. I arrived in the northern city and was out all day looking around. When I got back to my hotel I saw a couple of messages from Jit on my phone asking me how my trip was going. We chatted for an hour and I suddenly decided to cancel all my other flights to Ubon and Surat Thani and head back to Bangkok to spend time with Jit. I booked a nice five star hotel very close to Soi Cowboy and then headed out to Jit’s bar that night. I drank a little bit too much but I was still aware of what was going on. Jit told me that she started working at the bar four months ago. I kind of believed her because girls under 18 years old are not allowed to work in bars.

Like all the other bar girls she worked to support her family back home in the northern city of Thailand. Time went by and it was getting late and the bar was closing. I wanted to spend more time with Jit back at my hotel so that we could drink and chat but being a newbie I was not sure how to go about making this happen. To my surprise Jit said to me just before closing time ‘Tonight I’m coming home with you.’ She said to me ‘Leave the bar after your drink and wait for me at the 7 Eleven along the road and she would follow me shortly.’ I thought to myself so I don’t have to pay a bar fine. After 20 minutes she turned up as promised and we went to my hotel where I ordered some food for her.

We chatted and laughed until 6 AM and I told her ‘You must be very tired now why don’t you sleep?’ I didn’t mind her staying over to rest. She slept for 10 hours. When she woke up she had a strange look on her face it was an incriminating look like I had done something wrong. I explained that nothing had happened between us and it was all innocent. I then asked her if she wanted to go to a movie with me and she replied yes without hesitation. I didn’t understand her sudden change of mood but I was happy that she agreed to come with me.

A Bangkok Date With Jit

We went to the cinema at Terminal 21 where we were hoping to find a nice comedy but unfortunately we ended up watching a horror movie the only one playing at that hour. She was very scared and she hugged me throughout the movie. I noticed that she was a little sick so I went with her to buy some medicine from the pharmacy something she seemed to appreciate. Jit ended up staying with me for the next three days until I was due to board my flight out of Bangkok. We had a lot of fun together. She even started teaching me some Thai words and how to write words in Thai. I always kissed her forehead before sleep and she liked that a lot. I want to mention that we didn’t have any aerobics although she tried one time I refused.

It might sound strange but I didn’t think it was the right thing to do at the time. I tried to be as good a person as I could be with her. I also want to mention that she never asked me for money nor did she ask me to buy things for her.

The time quickly passed and I had to go home. She offered to accompany me to the airport and I gladly accepted. She was very sad that I was leaving. She started crying and asked me when I would be returning. I told her maybe September. I could never imagine myself in a relationship with an 18 year old girl that lives halfway around the world it just seemed impossible as a girl of Jit’s age is normally focused on having fun and enjoying life.

Long Distance Love

I arrived home and we started chatting daily sometimes three or four hours a day. She always called me when she finished work and we talked until she fell asleep. Although I wasn’t very happy that she worked in a bar I never confronted her about it because most of the money she made went to her family. Eventually I started to hate the idea of Jit working in a go go bar. But one day she gave me some good news her stepsister asked her if she wanted to work at her husband’s hotel resort on the island of Ko Phangan. I was very happy that she accepted the offer and off she went to the island. After moving there I noticed that she wasn’t talking to me that often like before. She told me that she has a lot of work to do before she’s free every day.

In May just one month after I returned I decided to go back to Thailand to meet her and suggested that we take a trip together to Phuket and Chiang Mai. She happily agreed. We arranged to meet at the airport on the 6th of June at the famous meeting point. I was arriving from Qatar and Jit was traveling up from Koh Samui. I was so excited to see her again and my heart was beating hard I was like a lovesick schoolboy. Thai girls can have this effect on a man. Her flight had a small delay but she finally arrived into Bangkok. She was looking absolutely gorgeous in a black elegant dress that complemented her perfect body. We went to the restaurant to eat something and then off to sleep.

Next day we went to Phuket and enjoyed three days of good weather. I booked a room at a beautiful hotel situated on a hill with breathtaking sea views in the southern part of Phuket. The second night there we were chilling on a hammock on the balcony and I told her that I want to take a shower. After I finished she also went to take a shower and came back in a bathrobe and sat next to me on the bed. She started kissing me and her bathrobe fell to the floor just like you see in the movies. Needless to say I had one of the best nights of my life. I woke up in the morning and I saw Jit in a very nice long dress ready to go and eat breakfast. Half of the people at the restaurant were looking at her as she looked absolutely stunning.

I really started to feel jealous.

After Phuket we went to Chiang Mai where we stayed for two days. When I told her I had to go home soon she looked sad and started to cry. I promised her that I would return soon. Arriving home in Bucharest we were chatting online daily but still not as much as I would have liked because of her work at the hotel. It was not long until she told me the whole story why she couldn’t talk too much. Her stepsister had plans for her to marry a businessman from Singapore who was an associate of her husband. I was a little shocked but she told me she didn’t like the guy and she never paid attention to him. Her sister was angry because she was chatting with me. Jit has a big ego and if she doesn’t like something she just walks away.

So she decided to leave her sister and go back home.

Flying to Ko Samui for One Night

I really wanted to be with her but I only had three days off this week. Without hesitation I bought a ticket for a flight on the Friday arriving in Ko Samui on the Saturday and returning on Sunday evening whereupon I would go to work on Monday morning. This was the craziest and the most expensive plane ticket that I had bought in my life just to be with Jit for one night. But it was worth it 100%. We had a great day together. Fast forward she returned home for two weeks and then in July she decided to go back to work at the bar in Soi Cowboy as she needed money to support her family. Obviously I was not happy about this and we had our first argument. She promised me she would always be faithful to me and always called me after the bar closed.

I started to visit her every month sometimes twice a month and we also always traveled to new places in Thailand. I was bleeding cash right at this point so I could see her but it was always worth it. I was having the time of my life with her. She was extremely cute funny and innocent what more could you ask for?

By October she had already quit working at the bar and moved back home looking for work there. I was very happy about this move. We visited her family. She has an older sister and a younger brother who she took care of when he was a baby and she always tells me how much she loves children. I asked her if one day maybe we will have a baby together and she replied yes but maybe when I’m older.

The Baby and the Move

2018 ended with me visiting her around 10 times. The next trip was in January 2019. My flight was departing from Sofia Bulgaria just a six hour drive from Bucharest because I found a very good deal from Emirates. When I started my journey to Sofia a heavy snowstorm started and I was one of the last persons allowed to cross the border before the roads were closed from heavy snow. I managed to board my flight to Thailand. This time we went to Jomtien a two hour Bangkok chill place where we could relax and enjoy the sun. The trip ended and I went home but I was already looking for the next flight to Thailand.

After two weeks Jit told me that her stomach felt strange and she was vomiting a lot. I asked her to take a pregnancy test and it was negative. Two days later she took another one and it turned out positive. I didn’t know how to react but in my heart I was very happy and so was she. I booked a flight for the 14th of February and we discussed what we would do in the future. I promised her that I would take her and her child to Europe which she was very happy about.

Fast forward again I moved to the UK in March and started a small business with a friend of mine who lived there and it all went very well financially. Eventually nine months passed and my daughter was born in September. I stayed with them for a month and a half and then I started to prepare the paperwork to get citizenship for my daughter while at the same time applying for a visa for Jit. She was approved to come to my country in February 2020. I didn’t waste any time I traveled to Thailand and brought Jit and my daughter home to my country. We were incredibly lucky because just two or three weeks after this Thailand started closing the borders because of COVID. When Jit arrived we quickly married and Jit received a Romanian residence permit.

As I was working in the UK I had to find a way to take both Jit and my daughter with me. After a little research online I found out that a non European family member has the same rights as a European national. So based on this law Jit was approved for a UK family permit visa although it took five months because of COVID. After she got the visa I drove to Romania from the UK and took them to the UK. She managed to get a five year residence permit in the UK and after this period we can all apply for settled status.

Nowadays we are doing just fine. We are waiting for our daughter to go to nursery school in January and Jit can then start working. Although sometimes we have some small arguments like normal families we never stop loving each other. I always kiss her on the forehead before I sleep and tell her how much I love her. I really think I was very lucky to meet this girl and against all the odds we managed to build a family together and I’m so very very grateful.