I Left My Wife for a Thai Bar Girl and Lost Everything

My first trip to Thailand cost me my family. I wasn’t going on holiday. I wasn’t even going for pleasure. I was in business with one of my close friends. We just started it 6 months prior and we were looking for a distributor of certain products. This sent us on a whirlwind trip to see if we could locate what we needed.

The business we started was meant to be a passion project. We were both semi-retired, both used to work in government, so we had good pensions, but we wanted to use our retirement to do something more. Neither of us liked the idea of sitting down idly, not doing much in life, and we didn’t want to whittle away the hours just getting older and older.

We started the business during COVID with the idea that as soon as things opened up, we would find a distributor and look at importing the things we needed from wherever we needed to go. After doing a lot of research, we found that Thailand seemed to produce what we needed. And sure enough, when COVID restrictions eased, we made an appointment to visit three different companies in Thailand that could give us what we wanted.

I don’t want to get into the nature of the business. That’s not really what this story is about. But we found ourselves flying to Thailand to go and see if what these companies had was suitable for what we wanted. The companies were spread out between Bangkok and Chonburi and we booked to stay in the country for 2 weeks. We flew business, stopping off in Dubai on the way.

First Impressions of Thailand

Neither of us knew what to expect when we arrived in Thailand. Thailand was never a country on our radar. I mean, Asia wasn’t even a continent on our radar. We were the sorts of people who loved to go to Spain and sticking to Europe for our family holidays. The thoughts of Thailand conjured up the third world. But when we got there, needless to say, everything that we thought about Thailand was wrong.

I think when you come from somewhere like England, we have preconceived ideas of what other countries are like, rightly or wrongly. We tend to stick to what we know best, and the thought of traveling so far to many people is alien. Granted, we wouldn’t be traveling all the way to Thailand if it wasn’t for our business. I’m going to look for a supplier.

Even today when you’re watching the TV in England, maybe a comedy show is on and from time to time we’ll hear a joke about Thailand and a reason why people go there. I think these ideas are so far outdated that they themselves are almost a joke. But these are the opinions that we were going with when we arrived. And I wanted to go and see if it was justified or not.

Bangkok was like a city I’d never been to. The only capital cities I’d been to, London, Madrid, and Paris, were nothing like Bangkok. And it’s not even comparable. Bangkok is a lot more modern, sleek, yet clings to some of its old world charm. And at 62, I was experiencing this for the first time. I even thought about bringing my wife to go to Thailand for a holiday at the next opportunity.

The First Night in Bangkok

But we were not there to discuss holidays or how different Thailand was to where we came from. We were there to do business. And when we arrived and checked into the hotel, we were met that day by a representative of the first company we were going to look at. Their office was in central Bangkok. So we went there originally to speak to the bosses about what we were looking to do. That factory on the other hand was a bit further out of the city. And it was arranged that we would do the factory visit the next day. They gave us all kinds of information about Thailand, the best places to go, and what we should eat for dinner if we wanted to try Thai food. It was all overwhelming, but me and my friend were excited to be there and cracking ahead with the business.

That evening, we went to the restaurant that they told us to go to. Thai food was not a food I’d eaten often back home, and the flavors were a bit extreme for me. Spicy and everything with rice, but we enjoyed it. What’s a different experience though to anything we’ve had before. I was talking to my friend and trying to convince him to go and look at some of the nightlife that everyone talks about in England. I wanted to see if it lived up to the descriptions that people gave it and the opinions that people had of it. He was adamant that he was not interested to go to any of the bars, so I reluctantly let him go back to the hotel alone and went myself.

I had no intention of doing anything. I just wanted to look and have a drink or two before going back to the hotel. A story to tell friends at home and maybe even the story to tell my wife what Thailand was really like. I found myself on Soi Cowboy and that was an attack on the senses. Everything that everyone said about Thailand at home seemed to be true, but it was only in a small part of the city. It seemed to be tolerated there, but if you stepped away, everything appeared back to normal.

I went into some of the bars and was even taken aback by just how readily available some of the most beautiful girls in the world were. I was expecting to go have a few drinks, then I didn’t like it and leave just as quickly as I arrived. But I found myself in awe of what I was seeing. And I understood why so many men found themselves in Thailand. It was like nowhere else. It’s hard to describe. But in that moment, I forgot the reason I was even in Thailand. I forgot about everything that I had back in England, and I just wanted to stay there and not go anywhere else.

I realized that I could easily get carried away with myself. When one of the girls came and sat next to me and started to talk to me, brushing up right next to me, I felt myself at a crossroads. Do I leave or do I stay? And after some mental gymnastics, I decided it was best to pay the bill and get out of there as quickly as possible before I did something I would regret. I left the last bar and walked out as fast as I could, turning my head to see if what I had just experienced was real.

I walked back to my hotel quickly and I can remember that night not being able to sleep. What had I just experienced? This was something that I wasn’t expecting and I didn’t know if I should tell my friend about it, tell him just what it was like and see if he wanted to go for a look or should I keep it to myself. I thought I would keep it to myself. It was just too good an experience to have it lessened by sharing it with someone who perhaps wouldn’t agree with it.

The Pull of Nana Plaza

The next morning, we were picked up at the hotel by the company who drove us to their factory. The reason we were in Thailand was completely at the back of my mind. And when we got to the factory, my friend was very interested to see the products that they were making. It was our intention to go and look at the other company’s offerings as well. So, we took a sample and returned back to the hotel. Our next meeting was the following day, and my friend said he wanted to go to the mall to pick out some things for his wife. I told him to go ahead. I was just going to relax in the hotel. I was still feeling tired from the flight and wanted the rest of the day. I was lying when I told him this, but he left to do his thing, and I went back to Soi Cowboy, only to find that the bars weren’t open in the day, and the girls weren’t present on the street.

I wanted to go ever so badly at nighttime, but how would I tell my friend? I wanted to keep this secret because I didn’t know how he would react. I made my way back to the hotel and just hung out until my friend got back. I had to put my mind in the correct space, and we discussed the first company that showed us what they had to offer. The price was great, and we thought that we could more than double our money by the time the product arrived in England, and we’d added our touches to it. It’s quite hard to tell this story without saying what we were actually doing, but if I did, it would give away too much information, and that is the last thing I want.

We were due to meet with the second company the following day. And my friend said, “Should we just go out for something to eat and have an early night?” I told him I was fine with that, and we went for a steak at the Argentine steakhouse close to Terminal 21. It was quite pricey, but well worth it, I thought. Then we both headed back to the hotel and to our separate rooms, and said, “Let’s meet in the lobby at 10:00 in the morning.” As soon as we arranged to do this, it went back to my room, got changed, and headed straight back out.

I had been doing some research online to see if there was anything else like Soi Cowboy, and I decided to go to Nana Plaza. I found it equally as fun there, and I settled on one bar on the second floor because there was this stunning beauty stood outside. When I walked past, I had to turn back on myself so I could make it to her bar. I sat down and ordered a drink and she came over to talk to me. I liked just how basic the conversation was. There was nothing too deep and it seemed like she had an interest in me.

I want the guys reading this to know that I had no idea what Thailand was like and how things worked on my first trip. I just heard about the nightlife and wanted to go and look. I was getting sucked in. I spoke to her for over an hour and bought her at least four drinks. I can remember her asking if I wanted to leave the bar with her. Even though I was new to Thailand, I knew what that meant, and the temptation was overwhelming. Against every urge, I politely declined, paid the bill, and went back to the hotel. Another sleepless night. I couldn’t understand what was going on. It felt like a drug that I was quickly getting addicted to, and I wanted to lose the fascination I was having, but it was all I was thinking about.

Pattaya: A Whole New Level

The next morning, I met my friend in the lobby and really wanted to tell him what I’d been getting up to, but I couldn’t bring myself to. So, I tried to put it to the back of my mind, and we got on with the day. The company we met that day wasn’t as good as the first one. So, we thanked them for meeting and showing us what they had, but we declined and told them we wouldn’t be doing business with them.

We had one more company to visit, but that one was based in Chonburi. So, we booked to stay in Pattaya for a few days and were going to be met there in 2 days time by representatives of that company. Little did I know that Pattaya was even more crazy than Bangkok. In fact, it made Bangkok look tame in comparison. We got a taxi down to Pattaya. I checked into the hotel and this time our rooms were not close to each other. A small point, but one I would come into play later.

My friend said he wanted to go and look at a place called Nong Nooch Gardens as they had a good car collection there and he was a car fanatic. I agreed to go with him and as we had the day free. It was a normal tourist attraction. You saw families there and people from all walks of life, but it’s not a patch on the nightlife. When we returned, my friend said if I wanted to go and eat with him that evening, I couldn’t really say no. So, we went to a place that served fish and chips. I wasn’t getting on very well with the Thai food, and to have some proper fish and chips was just what I needed. I think I liked that about Pattaya. Any food that I wanted, I was able to get there. I didn’t have to survive on Thai food alone.

I didn’t want to say that I dislike Thai food. It’s just nothing what I’m used to. When we’d have a takeaway in England, it’s always Indian or Chinese, but these are more English versions of the dishes and not the real thing. I could count on one hand how many times I’d eaten Thai food in England, and at 60 odd years of age, getting used to it takes time.

We finished the meal at 8:00 p.m. My friend told me he was going back to the hotel. I said I’d join him, telling him I was tired and wanted an early night getting ready for tomorrow. We made our way to the hotel. When I got back to my room, I secretly changed, freshened up, and went out again. I went first to Soi 6, and when I got there, I felt like an addict seeking his fix. I couldn’t stop myself from going into one of the bars, and I immediately felt a sense of calm come over me as soon as I entered. I can’t describe it. I can’t even begin to understand what it was. But when you enter the bar and sit down and a girl comes to talk to you and you’re having drinks together, nothing else seemed to matter. The reason we were in Thailand was completely out of my mind. And the fact that I had a wife at home didn’t occur to me. All that mattered was being able to speak to this girl and think about everything that could happen if I wanted it to.

That was the thing. Everything was down to me. What I wanted, I could have, and that was hard to control. I spoke to her for at least 3 hours, three whole hours, and I was feeling a bit drunk. I’d never been a big drinker, but drinking seems to go hand in hand with the activities at places like this. I was feeling hungry again, even though I’d eaten, and told her I was going to go for something to eat. She looked at me and said she was hungry, too. Can she go as well? As long as we’re not going to eat Thai food, I said jokingly. And she even said she didn’t like Thai food. Her favorite was western food. I believed her. Should I have done?

We headed out of the bar and went to a restaurant on Beach Road. It was close to the Hard Rock Cafe and we ordered some wine and some food. I was having the time of my life. I wasn’t even thinking that I had a wife at home in England who was waiting for me. And in that moment, I didn’t care. and I felt like I just needed to get the experience out of the way so I wouldn’t be left wondering for the rest of my life what if. I spent the night with her. It was the most memorable night of my life.

The Addiction Takes Hold

And in the morning, I had a huge problem. I wanted to do it again the same night. I thought getting it out of my system would be the best thing to do, but if anything, it made it worse. I loved that girl, and I’d only just met her. I knew I had to meet my friend that morning in an hour’s time, so I got ready and met him. We went to the last company to look at their factory. They were nice people, but the price was too expensive. So, we made the decision to go with the first company that we met on the trip. We would go back to Bangkok and tell them what we wanted to do business with them and sign a contract with the first shipments.

My friend was very excited about how our business was going, but I had all but forgotten about it and didn’t care at all. All I cared about was Thailand and the fact that I was living the best days of my life totally unexpectedly. I can remember my friend saying that it was time to go home and we had to leave Pattaya and go back to Bangkok. We signed the contract with the company and we would leave the next day. I just didn’t want to go. I mean, when I say I didn’t want to go, I felt like I’d just given up everything right there and then for one more night. But I saw sense and next day we flew back to England.

When we got back, we got stuck back into the business, but all I thought about was being in Thailand. I didn’t think the same way about my wife anymore. I still loved her. We’d been together for 40 years, but it wasn’t the same as what you could do in Thailand. A few weeks went by and we received our first shipment from Thailand. It was an exciting time, but I still thought about going back there somehow for longer and living that life again.

Our business was a mild success. We managed to sell what we wanted to sell and we were turning over a small amount of money. My friend was responsible for getting all the contracts and making all the sales and I was responsible for the back end, maintaining the website and dealing with the orders and shipping things out. you know, things like that. One day, I was thinking to myself, I think I need to go back to Thailand. And I came up with the idea to say that our supplier had got a new line of products and they wanted to show me them. My friend said, well, let them just post some supplies here and we can get samples. But I said, “No, it’s best to see them at source.” He agreed, but said that he didn’t want to go. I can remember thinking, “Yes, that’s fantastic news. I want to go by myself.” But I said to him, “Oh, come on. It’s not that bad if we fly business.” But he said, “No, I don’t want to go. You can go yourself if you need to.” And just like that, I had the perfect excuse to return to Thailand.

I told my wife that I needed to go back, and she understood, and it was for the business. She didn’t care. I was thinking that maybe she might have to go as well, but she was not a good flyer. She hated flight to Spain and the thought of flying for over 12 hours filled her with dread. So I booked a flight to Thailand for 3 days time. I felt like a child again going to a sweet shop and I had the choice to pick out any of the sweets I wanted. No one there telling me that you’ve had too many sweets and they’re not good for you. I flew business again and I felt like an old hand.

I only left Thailand about 6 weeks prior, and this time I was going by myself, and it would be easier to enjoy myself. I thought I did come across me. Was I sure I was doing the right thing? But I thought there’s no harm in some fun. I’ve been faithful my entire life and worked really hard to provide for my family. Perhaps it was my turn to have some fun for a change. I did have to arrange to meet the company for appearance’s sake, but I arranged that for 4 days after I arrived.

The Secret Girlfriend

I wanted to go down to Pattaya again. I loved it there, and as soon as I landed, I got a taxi straight away. I stayed in a hotel as close to Soi 6 as possible. It was a few hundred meters walk, and when I arrived, it was 6:00 p.m. I wasn’t tired after the flight and the taxi ride. I just wanted to go out and have some drinks with the girl I met before. I went back to the same bar where I met her and she was still working there and even remembered me, but unfortunately she was speaking to someone else and was looking like he liked her as well. I didn’t care about that as there were so many beautiful girls around and one came talking to me and we had some drinks and just chattered. I wasn’t feeling it with her in the same way though, so I left that bar and went to another one and then another one and then another one. I didn’t end up with a girl that evening, but I was just happy to be in Pattaya. Parts of me wanted not to be enjoying it so much and be back in England where I belonged without all these temptations around me, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wanted to be in Pattaya in the bars.

The next evening is when things really got serious. I went back to Soi 6 and into a bar right next to the one I’d been in before that I’d never been in. And I sat down and a girl came to talk to me almost immediately. We had some drinks and got talking like you do. Time seems to go so quickly in places like that. You’re having the best time you’ve had in your life, and minutes turn into hours. When you look at the time and notice that it’s midnight, you realize you must have had a good time. I hadn’t eaten yet and told her I was going to get something to eat. I was not ready to be too direct with her, even though I could have been. I felt like I wanted it to play out naturally as opposed to what it actually was. So, we went to eat something and enjoyed the rest of the night.

This is when my first problem arose. I don’t know this girl. I didn’t know her for even over 24 hours, but I felt like I loved her more than I loved my wife. I don’t know why I was having these feelings. I couldn’t help them no matter how hard I tried, but I wanted to spend more time with her. I told her I was in Thailand for 2 weeks and would love for her to spend the whole trip with me if she’d like. She agreed. And now I had a girlfriend in Thailand. I was still 62 and she was 26. I had no experience in Thailand and I thought this was perfectly normal and how things worked in Thailand. I thought these girls preferred people older than them and that’s why they were there. Call me naive, but I honestly thought this was a genuine relationship and I was falling in love with her more and more every day.

I knew I had to meet the company to justify being in Thailand. So, I left her in the hotel in Bangkok and sorted all that out. Everything was fine and we agreed to start stocking some of their new items. And when the business dealings were over, I should have been returning home, but I wanted to stay more. I came up with an excuse that I found a company to the north that we might also be able to do business with. I need to spend another week in the country to go and have a look and said to my wife and friend who I was doing business with that this sounded like a good idea. So, I got away with another week. I went with the girl I was with up to Chiang Mai where the company was based. I never actually made contact with any company up north. It was just an excuse to be able to stay and I wanted to be able to send pictures home to show that I had actually visited there.

This was the time of my life and I wanted to continue. When the week up north was up, I knew I didn’t want to return home. I couldn’t keep making up excuses why I needed to keep staying longer and longer in Thailand. What was I going to do with my new girlfriend, though? I felt like I loved her and wanted to be able to spend more time with her. I asked her if she could stop working where she worked. If I would support her, I’d come back to Thailand another 2 months. She agreed and said she would go back to her hometown and wait for me.

Losing Everything

I flew back to England and got into a routine of being able to get in touch with her everyday. I sent her £500 a month for 2 months, and I thought 2 months was long enough to say I needed to go back to Thailand again for another meeting. My friend told me this was unnecessary, and my wife said she didn’t want me to go, but I just had to, I said. I’d only been gone for a week, but I wanted to go and start some things out, maybe see if we could get a better deal. So, again, I found myself flying back to Thailand. My girlfriend actually met me at the airport and I thought that meant she was serious. We spent a week in Bangkok having the best times and by the time I’d already spent a lot of money on her. I bought her a new phone, a gold necklace, a gold bracelet, and a lot of clothes. And I just wanted to be with her constantly. I didn’t know how to do that. I didn’t want to upset my wife or disappoint my friend that I didn’t want to do our business anymore. But I had the overwhelming urge to remain in Thailand and be with her.

When I told her that I had to leave again, she was upset and said she understood, but she didn’t want to wait for me too long and she would have to go back to work even if I continued to send money to her. I didn’t like the sound of that and said, “What would it take for her to stop working there?” She said, “If I give her £1,000 a month, then she would be able to live properly on that amount of money.” So I agreed and gave her that first £1,000 there and then. When I went to the airport without her, I was filled with the worst feelings I felt in my life. I wanted to stay and I wanted to tell my wife that I didn’t want to stay with her anymore because I found someone else. I was just about to check into the flight and she called me saying she missed me and she hoped to see me soon. And like that I made the decision that I wasn’t going to go back. I told her I changed my mind. I’m not going back now and I’m coming to see you again. I would cross the bridge of not returning to England when I got there, but I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to be with her.

I had to call my wife and tell her that I wasn’t returning. And I think she started to sense that something was wrong. She asked me point blank what I was doing and I told her. She just hung up on me. And an hour later, my friend called me and I could tell he was cross. Don’t tell me you’ve got yourself involved with one of them, he said. I couldn’t help it, I said. I falling in love with her and she loves me as well. I told about my girl and he just sounded like our friendship was over. He told me my wife was destroyed and already told our children what their dad had done. Left their mom for a Thai girl. My children called me as well and told me how upset they were and said they didn’t want to see me again. But when I was with my girlfriend, I didn’t seem to mind. I did mind really, but I wanted more than anything to have my family as well as my girlfriend. But I knew how unrealistic that was and how selfish it sounded.

We went to get drunk that evening, and I quickly put to the back of my mind how upset my family were with me. I thought it was best that they knew, and now I could actually start to enjoy myself without worrying that I needed to go to England. I had enough money to live. But then I started to think, what happens if my wife wants a divorce? What would happen to all the money then? What would happen to the house? What would happen to the children? I didn’t know, but I was so happy to be with my girlfriend.

The next day, my wife did call me and told me she wanted a divorce. I didn’t try to fight it and said, “I’ll be back soon or I’m sorry.” I just said, “Okay.” And that was that. I was getting divorced. I didn’t speak to anyone from England for weeks after that. I was just having such a good time with my girlfriend, and I thought she was having a good time with me. But the longer I stayed with her, the more she wanted things from me, more money, more this, more gold, and she just wanted and wanted all the time. I asked her why did she expect me to keep buying things for her, and she just told me it made her happy, and she wanted to make me happy as well, so I just put up with it.

A week later, she told me that a family member had an accident and needed some money to pay for the hospital. It was about £2,000, and I really didn’t want to give it to her, but I felt like I had no choice, and I gave her the money. She told me I was a good man, and she really loved me, and I thought that would be at least her last request for a long time. But it was only just the beginning. Two weeks later, she asked for a new motorcycle for her father. I just wanted to continue living this life, so I agreed. Again, then came the talk of her wanting a secondhand pickup truck for her father. Apparently, his had broken. That was £8,000. And I told her that was way too much and I couldn’t afford it. That was when she changed. Okay, she said, “Don’t worry.” But her attitude changed and her demeanor changed, and that’s when I started to get cold feet. She wasn’t affectionate anymore. Perhaps she was only trying to get money out of me and when the money stopped and I wasn’t prepared to give more, she wasn’t prepared to give more as well.

I thought I had an honest relationship with her. I thought we loved each other, but I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach like I’d fallen into a trap, and a trap I couldn’t get out of. I begged her not to ask for anything more. I told her I would happily give her £1,000 a month if she was happy with that and if she could just take that, but I said, “You’re not allowed to ask for anything on top of that because that’s a lot of money to give you.” And she agreed that she wouldn’t. I felt like things were getting back to normal with her over the next few weeks. I’d already given her £1,000 for that month, and she told me that it ran out and she needed a little bit more to get her to the end of the month. She was going out with her friends all the time and was partying with them, but she always did come home and that’s what mattered to me. I told her that I thought we’d already agreed that £1,000 was it and she said she couldn’t help it. She needed to buy something. I should have only told her no, but I gave her £300 extra.

The following month, I gave her the £1,000, but this time halfway through the month, she said it ran out and she needed more. I put my foot down that time and told her, “No, you can’t have anymore.” And she said to me, “If you don’t give it to me, I go back to work in the bar then.” Those were her exact words, and I couldn’t believe it. I thought I saved her from the bar and then she was living a great life with me, but I came to the realization and the understanding that I was just a meal ticket. I knew that if I gave her the money again, she would continue asking, and our relationship was based solely on me being able to provide anything she asked for. I told her no, just hoped that she wouldn’t follow through with her threat of going back to work in the bar. But she said that I don’t love her properly, her exact words, and she no want stay with me anymore because I bad man.

She left, and it dawned on me what had happened. I should have kept it a secret from my wife and just got it out of me as much as I could, but I’d made some mistakes and all I wanted to do was to go back home and try to fix my things with my family. I felt like I was so stupid for doing what I did, but at the time I couldn’t help myself.

The Aftermath

I flew back to England and immediately went home to see my wife. She refused to talk to me. I called my children and they refused to speak to me. My friend also didn’t want to talk. Our business was no more because of what I did and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I spent a week in a hotel and I thought maybe it would be good to go and have another go with my wife to see if she could come around. She let me into the house and I just explained all the feelings that I had and how everything went wrong and how I never really wanted things to go this far. I explained that it felt like a drug and I was addicted and I didn’t know how to get it out of my system until I just did it. She said she understood, but she was having none of it. Nothing I would say or do would make her change her mind on the divorce.

We did get divorced a few months after. She ended up with most of everything. I haven’t spoken to her or my children since. I didn’t know what to do. I’d lost most of what I’d worked for, and I didn’t have enough money to buy another house in England. I didn’t have enough money to do much of anything. So, I decided that I wanted to return to Thailand permanently because I knew I loved it. I would be more sensible this time and not get involved too easily with a girl that works in a bar. I knew that I love Thailand and that would be my only savior for ruining my life. My ex-wife’s life and also my children’s lives were ruined by me. And that feeling of addiction that you just need to get your fix can make you do some stupid things.

I moved permanently to Thailand and have been here a year and I’m still starting to get over what I did and losing my family. Being in Thailand also allows me to continue with the addiction. I love the bars. To me, that’s what makes Thailand Thailand, and that’s where I spend most of my time. I’ve got a new girlfriend as well, but she’s different from the first one. She did work in a bar, but she’s 36, so I think she’s more mature and not as demanding as the first.

I hope you can share this story on your channel. I love listening to all the stories, and mine is a story of regret. If I could choose, I would go back to being with my wife in England and put the whole Thailand situation to the back of my mind. I do miss her and feel bad for what I did after 40 years of faithful marriage, but I’m lucky that I’m able to live in Thailand and at least Thailand can give me happiness.