Honda Click Near Death on Koh Samui

I was born in Southampton Hampshire UK and lived my early nightlife in Southampton until I moved to Sydney in 1994. Over the last three decades I visited Bangkok many times for work conferences but usually it was a fly in get brainwashed with corporate Kool Aid and fly out certainly no time to relax and enjoy the surroundings especially with a family waiting at home. In the very late 1990s I did get to holiday in Koh Samui a couple of times and absolutely loved it but then marriage and kids came along and tropical holidays became a distant memory.

Fast forward to 2023 I was able to persuade my beautiful and lovely partner to come with me teenager free to call somebody for a two week romantic island holiday. Life is good. Better than that she is okay with me to stay for a few weeks longer without her and explore other parts of Thailand and report back on findings for our next vacation. What a woman.

Now this story literally just happened it’s got wet paint as we are talking just a few days ago on our 2023 Koh Samui trip and it is a story of the highly used Honda Click and hidden dangers. I rode mopeds as a teenager back in the UK back in the mid 1980s FS1Es and AP50s and I have a Royal Enfield 500 at home now so I’m not new to biking and hold a full motorcycle license. In fact it’s been close to 40 years since I first hopped in the saddle all of which has been accident free. So the tale I will tell is not told from a position of no motorcycle experience. I have even solo ridden other Honda Dream scooters on Samui and Bali back in the 1990s. But this time it’s different as it involves carrying a pillion passenger.

Being a bit older now we wanted to be 100% compliant with the law and make sure our travel and medical insurance was valid. So I bought an international driver’s license and my partner does not have a bike license so we decided to rent just one bike to carry both of us and she would ride pillion with me.

Tip number one not all Honda Clicks are equal. You can get a 125cc or a 160cc. If you are doubling up you will need the torque of a 160cc if hills are on your journey at least if you are a combined about 170kg. Samui has several hills on the coastal circuit so I recommend the 160cc for two people.

Tip number two some rental Clicks are obviously newer than others. Try and get a newer Click. Make sure the saddle locks. Make sure the tires are good and you will need good tires.

Honda Click Rental Warning

Tip three don’t double up a pillion passenger on a Honda Click into the mountain jungle area on Samui not even a Click 160.

We broke two of them and this is what happened. Both experiences were within a blink of an ending and both times we are lucky to be alive to tell the story here.

Honda Click Number One rented from a “specialist” bike shop on the main street of Chaweng near our hotel. When I say specialist I use the term loosely as they had two lines of business one wrenching bikes and business two a shop selling the green stuff which I won’t mention here. I think that should have been a warning sign. 5000 baht deposit and 300 baht a day rent. They only needed a photocopy of my passport and it seemed a reasonable deal. I quite liked the Thai guy doing the renting. They only had one Click 160 so that’s the one we took.

Off we went no problems. Went all around the island for a day. Here there and everywhere. Lovely lots of fun. Top bike easy to ride plenty of power and quite comfy for a scooter. Notice the seat didn’t look other than that a few pre agreed scratches. It was a good bike or so I thought. I took it back. I got 5000 baht return and the copy of my passport all was good.

Two days later my partner says she wants to go to the Magic Garden. She had seen another YouTuber go up there and she wanted to see the place. “No problem” I said. “We can ride up there no need to book a tour.” So back to the shop we go. Get the exact same Honda Click. Drop the 5k deposit and 300 baht rent and off we go. Fun day and some very steep hills no problems at all. Take the Honda Click back same deal deposit return.

So what’s the problem I hear you ask? Problem was trip three. Our confidence in the Honda Click was very high after making it to the Magic Garden on trip number two. We decided to head for a famous temple a temple just about at the top of Koh Samui if not the very top of Samui. Off we go back to the store. 5000 baht down 300 baht a day shake my new best friend’s hand and off we go.

Brake Failure on Samui Mountain

My partner missed the warning signs on the way up. And when I say “up” I mean it was a mini mountain not a small hill. To get to the temple almost at the top we encountered a massive incline. The Click literally said “No I can’t do it.” It ran out of steam slowed to the speed of a snail and stopped. My partner jumped off walked 200 meters up the steepest part of the slope and then hopped on once the gradient was a little kinder. Having said that the Click did finally make it and it got us all the way up there. And what a place that temple is I thoroughly recommend a visit. Beautiful artwork statues and fantastic views of the entire island.

On the way down I pretty much needed to ride on the brakes no choice. The road was terrible badly paved very steep twisty and there are literally no safety barriers to prevent you from certain death. Make a mistake and it’s over the cliff and straight into a body bag if they ever find you. If you come off that crazy road so down we come slower than a disabled tortoise brakes on pretty much the whole time. I am well aware of brake fade under extreme heat so I tried to go slow and be very gentle letting the brakes off at every flat and carefully reapplying just before we got to the next slope. All gone well until about halfway down the mountain when I let both the front and back brakes off on a flat stretch of road.

Then just before the next slope I reapplied the brakes only to find the front brake lever had literally no front brake at all. Zero. None. Nothing. Lever to grip and front wheel turning like it was off to the races.

Thank God we were about three feet before the next steep drop and the rear brake worked. If not there is no way that rear brake alone would have been able to hold us and we would have been 100% been over the next cliff edge and done for. It was an “old crap and thank God” moment. We were saved by some very good fortune. It’s no doubt a near death experience. Total front brake failure on a mountain slope not many people live to tell that tale.

We got the bike back to the shop different story how we did that. 5000 baht returned very happy to be out of that shop and say goodbye to my new friend. Off we go back to the hotel well out for a good night never to rent that little Click again.

So you think that would be one near death experience on holiday? No introducing Honda Click Number Two.

Second Scooter Crash in the Ditch

I found a lovely brand new one rented out by the lady who did our laundry near the hotel. Only three months old. Immaculate perfect bike and also 160cc. What could go wrong? 3000 baht deposit this time 2000 less than the first shop. Agreed the same rate of 300 baht per day. Reused the same photocopy of my passport. Deal done with a smile and off we go out for the day. Went to a port on the west side of the island and rented a longtail boat and captain for a private stormy choppy trip. Great day out no problems. The new Honda Click was lovely to drive smoother and quite a little peach. My partner and I both said we would buy one just like it if we lived here perfect scooter for the island. Liked it so much we kept it for a second day.

A big mistake.

For no logical reason at all we looked at the map and decided to head to Jim’s Hut. It was not too far away and the views looked good up the mountain. The little Click goes what could go wrong? I thought. She’s brand new and purring like a kitten. We go until Jim’s Hut is almost within sight with probably just one final ball breaking incline for the little Click to climb. My confidence was high. Worst case I thought the little Click will grind to a halt again and my partner will jump off and walk the slope. Major judgment error by me almost a life changing bad decision.

Up we go and yes to a grinding halt. The little Click couldn’t. It was too much to ask of even the 160cc with a pillion passenger on. With the brakes on and my feet down I was about to ask my partner to hop off when the tires completely lost grip with the road concrete surface and we started sliding back rapidly. This is where again a higher being must have been looking after us. The bike fell almost immediately to the left. My partner was thrown off backwards and we both ended up in a ditch before the bike had a chance to pick up too much speed.

I was now in the ditch with the bike on top of me. My partner was thrown a couple of meters behind me in the same ditch. Both of us took a pretty big hit. The little Click was upside down on me and dripping fuel. Petrol is not the best fragrance to smell when you are literally pinned underneath a motorcycle. Luckily for me the exhaust was topside and the engine had cut out so there was no spark and no flashpoint. We both lay in the ditch for a minute or two before we could talk. I could not move at first as the bike had me pinned down. My partner took a while to get up as her head had taken a big hit and was dazed a bit out of it.

Thank God we were wearing helmets both of which on post examination had taken a massive hit and had almost certainly saved our lives. After just a minute when I got my senses back I was able to wriggle out from under the bike. Thankfully no serious injuries. Sunglasses snapped and I now have a nice sore shoulder. My partner is covered in scratches and a couple of small cuts which given the nature of the accident is a remarkable good outcome that I am happy with given the circumstances.

Repair Bill and Helmet Lesson

The lovely new Click less fortunate. Left mirror completely broken seat and body plastic snapped and broken foot pegs bent handlebars bent brake levers scratched and when I tried to ride it it would only steer to the right great for going around roundabouts but not for exiting them. Probably much more damage too much to list. Needless to say we did not get our 3000 baht deposit back. We ended up handing over 7600 additional baht for repairs and 1000 baht for goodwill and frankly I felt lucky we agreed such a low price for a brand new Honda Click 160cc which was handed to us mint condition and handed back looking like it had gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.

Moral of the story it doesn’t matter if you’re an experienced rider or not. The Honda Click is not built for heavy Westerners to pillion up mountains. 170kg two people it’s simply too much for the bike on a mega incline with the poor road surfaces you find on Samui. My very strong advice please always wear a helmet even if you see 90% of the locals and 95% of other tourists don’t. And do not double up into the mountain jungle areas even if you see the locals doing it they are probably half your weight and know their roads their passengers and their bikes. Remember travel insurers only kick in for medical if you wear a helmet so for that reason if no other put a helmet on. I combined total of physical injury with some light cuts scrapes strains and bruises very fortunate indeed.

And we dropped about 11000 baht into the poor lady’s hands to fix her Click.

Final comment hate the rider not the bike. The Honda Click is a brilliant little scooter when riding within its limits. Unfortunately it’s not built to climb mountains two up with overweight Westerners.

Critical View of Pattaya Bar Girl Romances

So let me give you an example of what I mean. Yesterday I was in Sheffield City waiting for a train and on the station were many stunning women mainly in their 20s or thereabouts. Any woman older it seemed had kids a husband or a partner. So this age group might equate to the women we find in bars in Pattaya for example. Now we all know that if we go to Pattaya to meet a woman then those women will predominantly work within the bars or similar industries and it seems that most are there for one reason only to make money whether for family or their own children. So when we go to the bar and we meet a very beautiful girl fall head over heels in love and swear our undying love what utter BS this is.

Any clue that bar girl will use you up spit you out ready for the next man. So maybe the three day rule is one we should all use without question and never ever give them any financial information or say you will look after their sick grandmother or buffalo. We would not do this in our own country so why we assume it will work fine in other countries where we do not understand the language cultures or ways of the Thai people it’s absurd.

Anyway coming back to my particular relationship if Rose and myself go to Pattaya we will not go into a bar as a couple. We will not divulge which hotel we stay at or maybe not give anybody our real names and certainly not phone numbers until we have surveyed the scene more. Yes I already know I have a partner but even if Rose was not with me for whatever reason I would still do all those things mentioned above. The reason is this I have been scammed so many times in the past and I’m extremely cynical of everybody and their motives until I get to know them.

So guys keep your money out of sight all valuables left in the hotel take only what you need and go have fun keeping in mind a three day rule. And if you want a girl for the night then go to a short time hotel. Never ever give her the name of where you are staying.

Ladyboy From 7 Eleven Reunited Years Later

Back in 2006 I was living in Bangkok near Sukhumvit Road. One day I was in 7 Eleven getting some credit for my phone. This was when the Nokia phones were the phones everyone was using there was nothing else around. Actually I was trying to put the credit on my phone when I ran into problems with it. At that moment a deep and seductive voice behind me said “Let me help you with that.” I turned around and came face to face with a stunning woman who sorted my phone out in a few seconds. I thanked her and offered to buy her a coffee which she accepted. So we left the 7 Eleven went to a cafe next door and started chatting. I was completely spellbound by her tall graceful strong figure and a gorgeous voice.

When we finished our coffee she took me to her bar that she ran and we spent the afternoon drinking Tiger Beer and really started to connect with each other. She spoke excellent English so our conversation became quite deep and meaningful. Her name was Wayne and she was from Pattaya. At some point she began telling me about her transition from a very young man to the goddess now sat before me. She had all the changes and was fully post op. This only got me even more excited and began to get a floating sensation in my heart. Though I had about 10 beers at this point the voice of reason was nagging in the back of my mind saying “Be careful you don’t know her yet.” I listened to that voice and I didn’t rush into anything intimate which took every bit of willpower I had.

The next day I went back to her bar and offered to buy her dinner which she accepted. I took her to a nice restaurant at the top of the Rembrandt Tower. This became a daily routine and we took turns to buy each other dinner at various restaurants. About a week later the inevitable happened and we ended up at my apartment together for a night of sheer pleasure. The next morning I remember opening my eyes and just staring at Wayne‘s back and seeing a teardrop shaped birthmark below the back of her neck which I thought was really cute. She also had a snake tattoo coiling around her left thigh which was a work of art and looked like it cost a lot of money. We had breakfast together and met up later that day. What followed was a week of wonderful days and amazing nights.

Then quite suddenly it all came to an abrupt end. Nothing nasty happened between us but fate had other plans. Wayne got a phone call one morning and had to head back home due to a death in the family. A week later I was on a plane back to the UK for the same reason. Wayne and I hadn’t even exchanged phone numbers.

It was nine years before I was able to return to Thailand due to various reasons such as work family matters and money. In 2015 things changed. I was free again. I booked a flight and a couple of nights in a nice hotel near my old apartment. I wasn’t surprised to find that Wayne‘s bar was long gone. I thought to myself “Well that’s how it is in Thailand.” I spent the rest of my holiday in Phuket which I loved.

The following year 2016 I was back on the plane and this time I decided to try Pattaya. It took a couple of days but I began to fall in love with this place and soon found a couple of favorite bars on Soi 6 and I also enjoyed kicking around Soi 6/1 most evenings too. One evening I was enjoying good amounts of Chang beer and tequila shots when I was approached by a tall slender girl called Ning. We ended up getting very intoxicated together and headed back to my hotel. We both pretty much passed out as soon as we got there. I woke up a couple of hours later to hear Ning talking on the phone in my shower room. I was still pretty drunk and didn’t think anything of it and fell asleep again.

Wayne Returns in Pattaya

The next morning I awoke and opened my eyes to find myself staring at her back with a black bra strap. That’s odd I thought I’m sure Ning was wearing a white bra last night. As my eyes cleared a teardrop birthmark came into focus. It took a few seconds for me to register exactly what I was seeing. Suddenly I was wide awake. I pulled the duvet aside and revealed a snake tattoo coiled round her thigh. It was Wayne.

My mind was racing. How is this even possible? I took some deep breaths and gently woke Wayne. She looked up at me and smiled. “How did you?” I asked. “Where’s Ning?” “My sister tell me she’d go home” Wayne said. Then Wayne showed me a photo of us together at her old bar in Bangkok. Ning had recognized me from that photo and called Wayne over. While the odds of this happening… Wayne and I had three wonderful weeks together and are still in touch on Facebook. We have no plans for any serious relationships but we are just great friends.