Warning Signs With Pom The Thai Girl

My story starts in May 2018. I was planning a trip to Thailand for September that year. I joined a dating site called Thai Cupid. I had a message from a Thai lady called Pom, 26 years old at the time. I was 45. Pom told me she worked at Siam Paragon in Bangkok. I saw photos of this, so had no reason to doubt her. She also told me she had two children from a Thai ex boyfriend. I did not mind that. We spoke every day for about two weeks, then nothing.

I thought, never mind, it’s not like I met her face to face. And then about two weeks after that, she contacted me again, telling me that she had a problem with her phone. I was surprised and very happy to hear back from her. We chatted every day, and then September came along, and I finally flew to Thailand to meet her. We visited Chiang Mai, Phuket, and Hua Hin. It was a great holiday. On the last night of the holidays, she said, “Why don’t we buy friendship rings from the MBK Center?”, which we did.

The next day, I flew back to the UK, thinking I was in a serious relationship.

The Money Requests Begin

Pom started telling me that she had had debts to pay and that she gave up her job and had moved back to Kalasin, which I did not understand, but I started sending her 10,000 baht a month (about 225 pounds or 250 US dollars). I made plans to go back to Thailand in March 2019. We would talk every day on social media, and then one month before I was due to go back, Pom told me that she’d had problems with her phone. I said I would buy her a new one, but she refused. I found this strange after the stories I had read. After that, I lost contact with her again.

I flew to Bangkok in March, hoping that she would be there as she knew the date and time I was arriving at the airport, but there was no sign of her. I hung around for about 30 minutes, and I had to leave as I was tired. I headed to my hotel. I had flight tickets and a hotel booked for me and Pom to see her family in Khon Kaen. I also had tickets to Koh Samui with her. I still went as the tickets had been paid for. I felt very low at this time.

My friends suggested that I make friends with another girl. I was not in the right mindset, so I was glad when the holiday was over, as I have never felt like that before, and Thailand is a country I love.

About two weeks after my holiday, Pom got in touch with me and said she was so sorry that she did not meet me. She went on to tell me that her mum was sick and her phone had broken. I did not really believe her. However, we continued as always, but she started to ask for more money. Like a fool, I sent her 20,000 baht a month.

The American Guy Warning

By now, I was a friend on her Facebook page, so I left nice comments about her. An American guy who lives in Thailand saw I wrote on Facebook and contacted me. He told me that Pom and him were together before I met her and they are now friends again, and they were going to Chiang Mai that weekend. He showed me the messages between them, so I knew he was telling me the truth. When I confronted Pom about this, she apparently blocked the guy on Messenger. The American guy confirmed to me that Pom had now blocked him from messaging her again.

Pom said to me, and I quote “So sorry. Me had to do for money as family have nothing.” I was a bit pissed because I’m supporting her with good monthly income, and she had to do this with this guy behind my back. Pom promised never to do this again, and I forgave her.

Then in June of 2019, I flew back to Thailand again and met Pom and stayed in a hotel in Kalasin. We took 10 family members out to dinner. We then went to Khon Kaen with her family. Pom and I then flew to Phuket on holiday. I asked Pom, “Can you post my photo with yours on Facebook?”, because of the problems we had with the American guy. She refused. I said, “I don’t want to support you anymore because I’m not sure what you’re doing.” In the end, Pom posted my picture on her Facebook page along with hers.

The Swedish Guy

I had been back in England for about a month when a Swedish guy contacted me. He said he had seen me on Pom‘s Facebook. “I hope you don’t trust her too much, because only last month I sent her some money.” She also sent some naughty photos to him. He showed me everything. I felt sick. We had a big argument. She blocked the Swedish guy, but he did not want to be with her anyway. Their relationship had apparently only lasted a month.

After this episode and out of the blue, Pom sent me a message telling me that she had now blocked me on Facebook and went on to say, “Sorry David,” and showed a picture of her with another foreigner farang. A month after this, she unblocked me and told me sorry. She went on to say, “Had to do that for money, and I am not with that guy too much, and I’m always the best for her.” Could I send her some money for her daughter’s birthday?

I was beyond angry, and I told her, “If you don’t stop sending me messages, I will show your current boyfriend your messages.” The new guy is now on her Facebook profile. The Swedish guy who warned me about Pom also warned this new guy. I feel bad for him.

Lessons From Pom

I just wanted to share this story so people know that it’s not only bar girls who lie to farang, some girls with regular jobs can be just as bad. Since then, I have been in contact with a different type of Thai girl since January of last year. She is a director of education and also runs a successful food business with her mother. We video chat every day, and she has never asked me for money. She is also different to Pom.

So the moral of this short story is yes, many girls you meet in Thailand and on Thai dating sites will be out to scam you, and you should not get into relationships with these kind of girls. But how do you know what she is like on a first meeting? My mistake is that all the warning signs were played out in front of me, and I chose to ignore them. Most men are not stupid. If a girl starts messing about with other men while you are seeing her, or she is constantly asking for money, move on. It’s simple. It’s a cliché, but true. There are so many more fish in the sea. As difficult a minefield as the dating scene is in Thailand, many nice, normal, decent girls are available for serious relationships if you take the time to look, and don’t jump into the first relationship just because this girl speaks English well and is forthcoming.

Dao And Gun In Isan

I am from the United States. I recently retired from my job, and I was bored with my love life. I started watching videos and reading blogs about Thailand. I eventually signed up for the Thai Friendly dating website while I was still at home in the States. There were many freelancers and ladyboys on the website. After a couple of weeks, I met a stunning lady that ticked all the boxes. She was 35 years old, a Thai girl living in Khorat. We communicated on the LINE app for approximately one year prior to me arriving in Thailand. She was charming. I was charmed by her good looks and her childish behavior, she would send me these little cartoon hearts and stickers that the LINE app offers free of charge.

I stayed at the Holiday Inn Express on Soi Buakhao for my first five days in Pattaya. I walked the streets, enjoying all things Pattaya has to offer. I was always thinking about the girl in Khorat, but some of her messages didn’t seem true at times, and I had my doubts. But I decided to take a chance and hop on a bus to Khorat.

Meeting Dao In Khorat

Her name was Dao. She showed up at my hotel, and she was as beautiful as her pictures that she’d sent me online. We started our first date by taking, she took me into the city center, and we gave tribute to a statue in the center of Khorat. The date went well, and we went to one of her favorite food pubs called Eight Bistro.

A little back story about Dao she works at an insurance company, has no children, and is 35 years old. From the beginning, I never lied to her, and I told her I have two grown up children. I would not want any more children. At first, she said she was okay with not having children together. Then she started hinting she wants a baby because she never had a child.

Dao would stay with me every night, get up to go to work while I went around and explored the city. Every night around 700, she would show up, and I would take her to wherever she wanted to go and eat that evening. We would go to night markets, restaurants, nightclubs in Khorat. She appeared happy with my company, and I was happy with a beautiful girl by my side. Her English language was basic. Me, personally, I only know a few words of Thai. But we seemed to manage with small talk and Google Translate. She introduced me to her many girlfriends. They’re all lovely girls.

I went on many trips around Khorat with her and her friends. She has a car and a little room that she rents for 3,000 baht a month. We were always busy doing something. Dao brought me to Jim Thompson Farm (not to be confused with Jim Thompson House in Bangkok). We also went to Pattaya for a long weekend and went to some tourist attractions, the Sanctuary of Truth, etc. The time soon passed quickly, and eventually I had to make a visa run to Cambodia. Dao stepped up to help me and took time off work, and we drove to the Cambodia border at Poipet for my visa run.

During this time, Dao never asked me for money or brought me to any place which was expensive. I was really starting to feel good things about this girl. Dao even brought me to her parents’ house in the countryside. Even though they did not speak English, I felt her mother and I got along very well. I felt bad for Dao seeing the way she was brought up in a little poor village and a little apartment she is living in.

I even bought her a gold ring as a present.

The Relationship Sours

After a while, I noticed Dao was more moody and distant. Whenever I tried to talk serious with her, the conversation never went anywhere. I decided to take a break and told her I do not think we are meant for each other. A few reasons for my feelings changing with her were because she would get very moody if I tried talking about any long range plan with her. Also, Dao would never open her heart and talk to me about anything serious.

I decided to contact her again to see if she wanted to talk. I said maybe everything went too fast in our relationship, and I should give her another chance. When she arrived after our short breakup, I noticed the ring was gone. She said she lost the ring. Plus, she now kept asking for a few thousand baht every once in a while. I was able to find out that she had just split up from a Thai boyfriend a couple of weeks before I arrived on the scene. Possibly the Thai boyfriend was still involved, and that’s why she was always so distant with her feelings. I never got concrete evidence, but sometimes you get a gut feeling about things.

I cut my losses and called it off with her. I was heartbroken and alone in Khorat. I felt maybe I should leave, but I stuck it out in Khorat another month because I found a great little three month rental for 5,500 baht a month.

Enter Gun

I went back on the dating site like the trooper I am. I love the weather, the local vendors, and everything else Thailand has to offer. I decided I will retire here one day, probably not Khorat, but definitely Thailand.

I found another girl on the dating site that got my attention. Her name is Gun (you might think that’s a strange name, men, but that is actually a Thai girl’s nickname, “Gun” as in shoot the gun). Her English is very good. She had a boyfriend from Denmark six years prior to meeting me. We both were interested in meeting in person. She said if I cover her expenses, she would meet me in Khorat. Now I thought I saw a scam, so I said to her, “How about you find your own way to Khorat on your own. I will reimburse you when you arrive.” To my surprise, she agreed.

She lives about 18 kilometers from Nong Khai, Thailand. She traveled approximately 10 hours on a bus to meet me. I was shocked when she said she was at the bus terminal. By this time, I had my little studio apartment all set up, and I managed to find a used little Honda Click scooter that I’d bought.

I did not have any expectations about falling in love. Gun and I got along great, and again, I still had my guard up. Gun was totally different and completely honest with me. We really liked each other. After 10 days, I told her I was going to wrap things up in Khorat and we would see each other soon.

Now maybe some people might think I’m a fool for the next thing I did, but my heart felt it was the right thing to do. I messaged Dao and told her I was leaving Khorat. I decided to give her all my small appliances and sign the motorbike over to her. I really have no bad feelings for her. I can be friends with Dao, but we are not a good couple.

The Future With Gun

My next stop was Bangkok. I had a friend I met on an expat forum who had been living in Thailand for three years. As soon as Gun arrived back to her home in Laos, we kept in touch every day. She would tell me how much she liked me and wanted to see me again. I agreed to see her again. Gun took another bus from Laos to Pattaya, it’s quite a journey for her. I planned another trip to Pattaya with my Pattaya friend Steve. Gun showed up at the bus station in Pattaya. We had a great time together, going to the attractions and enjoying each other’s company. We both think alike. I started getting feelings for her. We made a plan. We would travel to Bangkok for a few days, and we would return to our own homes, Gun to Laos, but this time I bought her a 40 dollar airplane ticket (it’s not bad, is it? $40). And I returned to the United States February 23rd, 2020, to sell my things and rent out my condo so I could return to Thailand to be with Gun.

We all know what happened after 2020, and all bets were off. Our feelings have never changed for each other. We talk every day, and I think we can have a future together. I’m hoping this situation around the world will be over sooner than later, and I can return to the Land of Smiles. Who knows, it might not work out, but then again it might. I for one am willing to throw caution to the wind and give my beautiful girl Gun the benefit of the doubt and once again try.

Friendship Behind Bars

This is an account of a friendship I made with a girl serving a 50 year prison sentence in Thailand.

On the 15th of March 2004, when the sun was at its highest, my Thai wife and I left the Central Womens Correctional Institution in the north of Bangkok. It was during my time in Thailand, after talking with a friend, that I became aware it was possible to visit an inmate in Klong Prem.

Making merit is an everyday part of Thai life that basically means doing good things. Usually this will come in the form of making a donation of food or money at the local temple, but one can also make merit to literally anyone. Thai strongly believe they ought to regularly make and gain merit which would bring them happiness and a peaceful life. Gaining merit would strengthen them to overcome any obstacles or misfortune they are suffering. By visiting the ladies’ prison, we felt we could not only make a significant difference in someone’s life, but we would also be giving something back to Thailand in return for all the wonderful things it’s given me and my lovely Thai wife over the years.

We had been given an inmate’s name from a good friend of ours who had previously visited the lady on a few occasions. Her name was Katie, and she was currently serving a 50 year prison sentence. Katie had been arrested in 1999 while trying to board a plane leaving Bangkok with a suitcase containing illegal drugs.

Whilst traveling around, I have sought the opinion of fellow Brits and Thais on this matter. Some are sympathetic, but many take the view that people that commit serious crimes deserve everything they get, a sort of “no more to discuss, show no mercy” attitude. However, as I see it, the problem is that a verdict is never quite as black and white as pure guilt or pure innocence. Any gray area should also be considered.

Although we didn’t actually gain permission to see Katie on our first visit, we did find the visit quite an experience, having visited the prison shop where it’s possible to make a donation of money to buy food or small items of toiletries for inmates. Since that first time in 2004, we have visited Katie on numerous occasions. Over the years, having got to know her, it has become obvious that despite her moment of madness over 20 years ago, Katie is indeed a very bright young woman with a wonderful attitude, personality, and outlook on life. No doubt that is something that must from time to time tire a little, but she has never given up hope.

Zero Tolerance For Drugs

There can be no excuses when it comes to the severity of drug smuggling in Thailand. Make no mistake, the Thai government has zero tolerance when it comes to drug trafficking. Anyone who is caught in possession or in any way found to be dealing with any illegal drugs, if you’re caught in possession with drugs trying to board an aircraft, your only hope is that you are from a country that has a good relationship with Thailand. And only then might you evade the death penalty and be sentenced to a life of imprisonment in Bangkok‘s overcrowded (80 to a cell) prison in Thailand. Unless you’re lucky enough to receive a King’s pardon, life means life.

I’m sure many people would say at this point, and rightly so, anyone who has lost someone or has known anybody that has suffered from drug abuse would testify to that. However, it’s my belief that when one person gives their heart to another, in Katie‘s case, her boyfriend, in such circumstances, they will not doubt or trust anything the other tells them. Maybe after hearing Katie’s story, it will mellow your viewpoint. Does the punishment fit the crime? This is an issue that has been and will no doubt continue to be debated for years to come. In the grand scheme of things, I guess a decision should remain within each country’s own judicial system. But here’s my take on this sensitive issue any punishment should never last forever. Some of the poor souls serving long term prison sentences have been completely forgotten about on the outside. The resulting despair of being forgotten was never prescribed by any court of law.

Life Inside Klong Prem

I guess many of us have all done things from time to time we are ashamed of, I know I have. One moment in our life seems perfect and we are happy; then the next moment we can suddenly find ourselves in a situation that causes us great unhappiness. Maybe it all sounds obvious, but it’s still a lesson everybody needs to learn and understand for themselves. I guess no one will understand that more now than Katie. In the lifelong learning process, there are twists and turns that can never be predicted, and sometimes we’re just victims of our own circumstances. Katie, for whatever reason, has no doubt had to endure many hardships. But still, it’s always a heartfelt moment when I visit her to speak to her so rationally and composed in total acceptance of her current predicament.

During my time spent with Katie, she has talked openly and rationally about her life. One thing that sticks in my mind was when she told me that she cannot remember the last time she slept without her arms tucked in closely by her side, due to the overcrowded cells. There is no room whatsoever to spread out, not even a little. I have heard stories where prisons in the UK have their prisoners have their own TV, radio, CDs, and DVDs. In Klong Prem, there is nothing.

Our topics of conversation covered pretty much everything. We discuss modern day living, technology advances, mobile phones with video, the Skytrain, the internet, favorite ice cream, the meaning of happiness, finance, Singapore, Malaysia, religion, sorry, sorrow, alcohol, family life in her homeland of Australia, and prison life in Thailand. We also talked of the son that was now taken away from her.

A Mothers Heartbreak

After giving birth just a few months after being arrested at the young age of 19, pregnant and coaxed on by her boyfriend, Katie traveled to Thailand for what she assumed would get their life back on course. This was a complete and irresponsible mistake she had made. She was apprehended at the airport on the 31st of January 1999 and subsequently incarcerated for 50 years. Katie gave birth to her son Jack in June 1999, eight months later. Her son was repatriated to Australia. Since then, with the father no longer around either, he has moved from one foster parent to another. Mother and son have not seen each other more than twice since then, let alone held each other and hugged. I was so saddened to learn of the despair of being separated from her son. This must be extremely hard to endure. While speaking about her son, I could see the tears in her eyes, very sad indeed.

We also talked about my family life in England and my family’s life in Thailand, and after a few anecdotes here and there to lighten up the proceedings. Clearly a very articulate woman and always very polite, it was extremely interesting to listen to her, always thoroughly enjoyable conversation to be had where neither of us were ever lost for a word. She explained that she was always very trustful of others and would often give her love unreservedly. She was also the adventurous type and very determined and would pursue with energy anything that she wanted. As it turned out, this was her downfall.

I thought back to my younger days when there were times I always thought I knew what was best and wouldn’t take advice. Luckily for me, I made my mistakes in England, where leniency is very normal.

Remorse And Hope

Katie realizes that her misdeed has brought untold pain and suffering to many people. Words cannot describe her remorse, and she regrets breaking the law. She has had much time to reflect on her actions. She has never been violent or caused any problems while she has been in prison. She has come to understand many issues. She has grown and matured. She is now more responsible and more resilient to temptations in any form. Over the past 20 years, Katie has developed a profound understanding of people and cultures, learned the Thai language (reading and writing), realized her purpose in life, and what she still has to offer, especially and foremost to her son. Her wish one day is to move back to Australia and take full responsibility for her precious son. She also expressed the wish, once released, to be involved in education and coaching in drug prevention programs for Australian youth.

The last time I saw Katie was on the 26th of August 2019. It was a time once again when I was filled with great emotion. Although sometimes a twinkle in her eyes shows some tiredness, she is always in great spirits and has somehow managed to perfect that Thai smile when we meet behind the glass.

A Plea For A Royal Pardon

On certain occasions, the Royal Family can grant a general amnesty to all inmates, this is usually in the form of a reduction of 1/6 or 1/8 of the original sentence. This can be for a Royal birthday, etc. Katie’s sentence of 50 years has already been reduced to 28 years as a result of three amnesties. Just recently, myself, my wife, and a few other friends of Katie‘s have got together from across the globe, and we are currently writing to His Majesty the King of Thailand in the slim hope that the remainder of her sentence, 8 years, will be granted a Royal pardon. Although the chances are very slim, we feel there is nothing to lose by putting some pressure on her request for a Royal pardon.

I realize this particular story is quite a harrowing one on many levels, and people will no doubt be very divided in their opinions, some judgmental and some sympathetic, but that’s okay. My main purpose in writing this is for those of you who perhaps want to experience something a little bit different, away from the bars and the waterfalls. Then please consider taking a moment out of your day and making merit yourself in this way. You don’t have to actually see an inmate (as in many cases I realize that can be a longer process with a need for certain visiting rights and appointments, etc.), but you can easily visit the prison shop. By filling out a little slip, you can purchase a few small items we all take for granted, such as toothpaste, toilet rolls, salt, tinned food, sweets, and various other relatively inexpensive gifts. I know from my own experience this can lead to handwritten letters from time to time, should that be something that you might welcome receiving. Needless to say, a quick Google search will provide a bit more background to inmates and visiting procedures.