My Thailand Dream and Cafe Business Failure

I remember it like it was yesterday, my first day in Thailand. Something about me changed on that trip, and it made me think about my future. I was working hard, but there was no real end in sight. I knew at some point I would end up retiring, but that was the furthest thing from my mind until I arrived in Thailand for that fateful trip in 2011.

All of a sudden, the thoughts of retirement became a reality. Finding out just how much more affordable it was to live in Thailand and enjoying the relaxed way of life and the amazing nightlife, my whole world view shifted, and I made it my life’s mission to move to Thailand as quickly as I could. Thailand to me was the epitome of what a country should be.

And the thought of having to return home at the end of that two weeks filled me with a sense of dread that I have not felt before or since.

More Than Just Retirement

It wasn’t just that I wanted to retire. I also wanted to open a small business. Opening a business in my own country was so far out of reach I completely gave up on that idea. But in Thailand, everything felt closer, within reach, and I honestly felt like my life had just taken a positive turn for the first time.

Like many people on their first trip to Thailand, I got up to all the usual things. Late nights in the bars, enjoying the beaches, trying the best food, and doing all this while being surrounded by some of the most friendly people I had ever had the pleasure of interacting with.

Bangkok A Cut Above the Rest

I spent time in Bangkok, and Bangkok quickly became my favorite capital city. I had done a lot of traveling. I’d been to over 30 countries before I finally got to Thailand, but Bangkok made all the other cities I’d been to feel irrelevant and unnecessary. 5 days in Bangkok and I was ready for a change of pace. So from there, I went to Pattaya.

How many times have you been somewhere and it’s been the best place ever? That was me and my experience in Bangkok. What were the chances that I was going to like Pattaya more than that? I thought the chances of that happening were slim. But when I arrived in Pattaya, all of a sudden, I found somewhere even better than Bangkok. I quickly understood why so many people moved to Thailand, and I was hooked.

I also visited Chiang Mai, so different from Bangkok and Pattaya. Thailand really has something for everyone. And I envisioned myself when I retired or semi retired (because I did want to open a small business) going on motorcycle trips around the north of the country through some of the best driving roads, spending time in the bars in Pattaya, and meeting friends in Bangkok.

I didn’t go down south on my first trip, but that would be a place I would go later on. Needless to say, that trip to Thailand changed the course of my life. I only hoped that the result of this would be changing my life for the better. That’s what I expected. But things have a way of letting us down somewhat.

The Dread of Leaving

I’ve heard it countless times in other stories that feeling you get when you have to board the plane and leave Thailand. It almost feels like your life is coming to an end. There’s nothing you can do about it. And I didn’t want to leave. When you arrive home, it’s not as bad. You get settled back into that normal existence that you’ve lived all your life, but in the back of your mind, you can’t stop thinking about Thailand.

A whole year went by before I had the chance to visit Thailand again. I wasn’t prepared to just move there without visiting at least one more time. And boarding the plane for my second trip, I was excited to go and see what it was going to be like. I was also extremely apprehensive about what would happen if I didn’t like it as I did the first time.

I was concerned that I would have to try and find a whole new direction in life. And I didn’t know what that was going to be. I was praying that when I got to Thailand, it would be like I remembered it. Luckily to say, it was even better the second time. Very rarely in life do things like this happen, but I just found out that Thailand was indeed this wonderful country. Nowhere else seemed to exist in the same light as Thailand. Nowhere comes close to offering the kind of life you could live in Thailand.

And from that second trip, I knew 100% that there was nowhere I would rather be.

Exploring More of Thailand

On that second trip, I visited other parts of the country I had not yet seen: Phuket, Krabi, and Hua Hin. I did spend most of my time in Pattaya and Bangkok. And even though I saw these other places, nowhere came close to being better than those two fantastic cities.

It was on my third to last day or second, I can’t remember exactly where I had an epiphany. The thought of having to return home and back to work felt like some form of torture, and I really didn’t want to have to go through another year of working. I sat down at a bar on Beach Road, overlooking the beach, and put together a plan that could see me moving to Thailand in as little as 3 months’ time.

I thought about selling my house. I didn’t have much remaining on the mortgage, and I thought about selling everything I had. That would have given me enough money to make the dream come true. It would have been enough to start a business and for me to live a number of years without the business having to succeed. I was really excited by this idea, and it made boarding the plane home far easier.

The Regret of Not Following Through

The problem is life gets in the way, and I found myself going back to work thinking about the plan I had but ultimately deciding against following my dreams. One thing I would say to anybody is that if you have the means to do something, don’t put it off. But that’s what I did.

I put it off, and I didn’t get back to Thailand until 2022 just after the pandemic. You would think that my financial situation 10 years later would be better, but the pandemic saw to it that my financial position was actually far worse. The amount of regret I had for not moving to Thailand when I was so close to doing so in 2012 sent me into a depression.

But in 2022, I did move full time to Thailand. I was older, but I felt the same inside. Unfortunately, it can’t be said that I was much wiser because of what I did. The saving grace is that I didn’t sell my house. That’s the only thing.

Not that I could have got enough money to retire permanently by selling it. It was only a small back to back terrace worth just shy of a hundred grand. I did have about £70,000 to my name. I was 55, and all I wanted to do was get stuck into something in Thailand and semi retire.

Deciding on a Business

I would have loved to open a bar, but I heard so many people not making a success of that that I decided against it. A restaurant was also something that interested me, but I didn’t like the sound of the unsociable hours. I had lots of ideas, but the thing that I kept coming back to was to open a small cafe.

It was my morning routine to visit different cafes around Pattaya when I got there, and I liked the idea of having my own place. I had spent a lot of time when I wasn’t in Thailand looking into how things were done there how to form a company, the fact that you need to have Thai shareholders, you also need a work permit to be able to work legally in Thailand, and you need a specific visa in order to be able to get that work permit.

I did lots of research, and although I wasn’t in the country, in Thailand mentally I think I was. I didn’t just want to get a retirement visa and live. I did rent my house out, but that didn’t bring in much money. I wanted to be able to be active, and I wanted to be successful. I dreaded the thought of being just one of those expats who has to leave the country after failing miserably.

I came to the decision that a cafe was definitely the direction I wanted to go down after only being back in Thailand for two weeks.

Meeting Minnie

I didn’t want to rush into things straight away. I wanted to live a bit first, and I enjoyed everything that Pattaya had available. I also met a girl that was different. It is cliché to say that my girl is different. I know it is. But I mean she was different. I didn’t meet her in a bar. I met her in a massage shop on Second Road, and I felt special in relation to the guys that meet their girls in bars.

Everything about her was different. She wasn’t from Isan. She was from the small province of Phitsanulok. She didn’t have any kids, and she didn’t have to send any money back to her parents because sadly they had already passed away. The fact that she didn’t have any of the usual family commitments that most of the girls I’d spoken to in Thailand had felt like this made her a girl worth pursuing.

I would never have guessed that my desire to have a massage would make me fall in love with the masseuse, but that’s what happened. And I kind of felt like I had one up on all the guys whose girls sent money to family and whose girls had worked in bars. I didn’t have any problem with girls that worked in bars, mind. My girl was different, and I wasn’t about to give up on the opportunity to be with her.

It started out innocent enough. From the first time I went to her shop for a massage, it was only 2 weeks until she was living with me full time. I was able to replace her income, and she seemed to be so happy to not have to work in that shop anymore.

Finding a Condo Together

I hadn’t yet found a place to live. I had been living in hotels, just paying for time and enjoying myself for the first time in years. So that meant we were able to look for a small condo together. She showed me where she lived when I was helping her to move her things out. She shared a small apartment that had no air conditioning with three other girls. It didn’t look like much of a place to live, but she said it was all she needed, and she didn’t spend much time there.

We rented a small one bedroom condo, and I put the plans I had of opening a cafe to the back of my mind for at least a time being so I could get to know her more and so we could travel to more places in Thailand and get to know each other more. I wasn’t stupid. I did know that perhaps we wouldn’t be compatible, but I was hoping we would be because she ticked all the boxes on the checklist that I had made.

The Road Trip of a Lifetime

After we arranged the condo just like we wanted it, we put everything in place in an itinerary that would see us traveling around the country for a month. I thought that would be just enough time to see if we wanted to stay together and if it would be a perfect idea to go into business with her.

We left Pattaya and went north all the way to Chiang Rai. We spent time there looking at the famous White Temple amongst other things and slowly moved south. In Chiang Mai, we rented a motorcycle and drove it on the Mae Hong Son loop with her on the back, spending a night in Pai and one in Mae Hong Son town and then Mae Sariang before making it back to Chiang Mai.

I then had the idea that I wanted to rent a car. If I could rent a car in Chiang Mai, that would allow us to drive all the way to Phuket. If we could return it there, we could do the whole country. And she thought that would be a good idea too.

Her name was Minnie. She was 26 years old, but she acted a lot older than that, and that’s what attracted me to her.

Renting a Car

I walked around Chiang Mai town, going into quite a lot of the rental shops, asking if I could rent a car that I could drop off in a different location, but all of them said no. I was just about to give up on this idea when it came to my understanding that these shops were all small mom and pop shops. When I went to the airport and spoke to some of the big rental companies, all of them were more than happy to accommodate my request.

With that in mind, we rented a Toyota Vios for only 1,000 baht a day. I couldn’t believe how cheap it was, and we rented it for a whole month and set off in the direction of Phuket. Our initial idea to spend only a month on the road turned into a bit longer, but it wasn’t much of a problem because I was the happiest I’d ever been.

One of the things I wanted to do on this trip was take inspiration from all the cafes that we went into. I’m really into coffee from different countries and cultures. And by doing this trip, not only would we have a fantastic time, I would also get lots of inspiration ready to hit the ground running when we finally got back to Pattaya.

Off the Tourist Map

We left Chiang Mai, and I had seen on Google Maps that there was a road right next to the Burmese border. So from Chiang Mai we headed to Tak Province but not in the usual direction. We actually went in the opposite direction that we took on the Mae Hong Son loop, going first to Mae Sariang. Instead of heading straight to Mae Hong Son town, we took a different direction, and a few hours later the country of Burma was in full view across the Moei River, which runs along a lot of the Thai Burmese border.

This place seems to be completely off the tourist map, and I can’t for the life of me understand why. We actually stayed in a tiny guest house in a town close to the river. It wasn’t great, but I suppose that’s because of the lack of tourists. But to be able to see that part of the country and speak to people from Burma who crossed the border on a daily basis not through an actual border checkpoint was an enlightening experience.

We then headed to the main town of Tak. The highlight was the promenade along the river. It felt like a really grand town so much more than it actually was. We stayed in a hotel close to the river and spent two nights there. Again, a complete lack of tourists meant at nighttime there were only a few places to go for a drink. These were frequented by locals, but that made me feel more immersed in the culture in a way that you can’t feel in Pattaya.

Because Minnie was from Phitsanulok, that is where we went next. We had a good time there, but it wasn’t much of anything to take note of that I particularly remember. But it was great to see where she was from.

Sukhothai and Beyond

Another highlight of the trip was the amazing temples in Sukhothai. You have to overlook the dual pricing you have to pay as a foreigner and just accept it for what it is. But those temple structures were some of the best I’d seen. They actually put Ayutthaya to shame. But we didn’t get there yet.

At this point, I’m having the best time I’ve ever had in my life. I’m getting on swimmingly with Minnie, who I’m falling in love with every single day. And I don’t really want to stop this life on the road. I knew it wasn’t sustainable, and when it came to an end, that meant it came to an end. Hard work making the cafe work and succeed would be our ticket to being able to do this again at some point close in the future.

We made a conscious decision not to go to any of the provinces in Isan. We simply didn’t have the time. And I’m going to put my hand up and admit that I had preconceived ideas about that part of the country. That was only based on the fact that that’s where most of the bar girls came from. I don’t know why that was a reason that stopped me wanting to visit, but there was so much of Thailand we had to see before we got to Phuket.

Spontaneous Travel

There was a big chance that a month wasn’t long enough, but the car rental company did say that we didn’t need to worry. All we would need to do was call them and we could extend the amount of time we needed the car for. So from Sukhothai, we were planning where to go next. The itinerary that we had put in place had been completely thrown away.

I felt it was best to do things on the spur of the moment best to do things spontaneously as opposed to following strict plans. That was the first time I ever felt that way. But it really does give you a sense of purpose and a sense that anything is possible when you’re not forcing yourself to follow a plan that was made without understanding where you would actually be.

It’s all right to say and all well and good to say “on this day we’re going to be here, on that day we’re going to be there.” But when you get there and it’s not like you expect it to be, you find yourself looking for something else and something different. And with that in mind, I would definitely recommend not having any firm plans when you decide to travel Thailand.

When we set off from Sukhothai, we planned to stay in a province not too far away. We drove back through Tak and made it down to Nakhon Sawan where we stayed for 2 days. Again, completely off the tourist map immersing yourself in the real Thailand. And I was having the time of my life. Nakhon Sawan was an interesting city. The highlight of the town, for me at least, was visiting Bung Boraphet, where they had all the fish. There wasn’t really much else of note in the province, but that’s why I liked it.

If I take myself away from this trip back to where I am at this moment typing this out in England if I could have my time again in Thailand, I would have moved anywhere but Pattaya. But if we go back to being on this trip, I still thought Pattaya was the best place for foreigners to live. I hadn’t yet come to the conclusion that I would be better off elsewhere. Maybe even moving to Minnie’s hometown would have been better.

Ayutthaya, Bangkok, and Hua Hin

Anyway, back to the trip. Ayutthaya was where we stopped next. The temples and ancient buildings were great, but I do stand by saying that what I saw in Sukhothai was more special and unique. And there weren’t anywhere near as many tourists there, which made me feel more special and unique again.

Bangkok next. Bangkok needs no explaining. Most of the people who go to Thailand spend time in Bangkok, and we stayed there for 3 days doing none of the tourist things but just going out and drinking and enjoying ourselves.

Hua Hin was next on the stop, a place I had been before, and I knew what to expect. Another wonderful time there, and at this point, I can safely say I was at the happiest I had been in my life. I was getting on amazingly with Minnie. She was such a loving and caring individual, and I was loving being in Thailand, which I felt was only getting better the longer I was there.

Hua Hin taught me that just because you want to be an expat in Thailand doesn’t mean you have to go to the usual locations. Although the town is very popular with expats, it still feels slightly unheard of. That might not make sense to guys that live there or guys that visit, but it wasn’t as high up on the expat map as lots of other places were, and I felt like that was unwarranted.

The Hidden Gem of Chumphon

I do need to pay special attention to the next place we went Chumphon, an idyllic beachfront province that seems to be completely devoid of any tourists. We stayed in a hotel right on the beach. 700 baht a night, a beautiful swimming pool, and breakfast included. You got to walk on the beach, and when I say there was no one on it, I mean there was absolutely nobody on it. Crystal clear blue waters that were warm. But I can’t understand why nobody went there. But that was a highlight and a place I vowed to return someday.

Next, we went to Krabi, a place I’d been before. It wasn’t my favorite by a long shot. Way too popular with tourists and way overpriced, but a great place to see the natural beauty in some of Thailand’s best.

Then to Phuket, where we had to return the car. So we actually spent six weeks on the trip, including just a month with the car. And while I enjoyed Phuket I enjoyed it on my first trip there I was starting to feel like I preferred the provinces in the north. Tak, Phitsanulok, and the surrounding provinces were my favorite parts of Thailand.

The reason I’m saying that is because I should have taken what I was feeling and done something about it. But I was dead set on returning to Pattaya and opening a cafe, with the idea to eventually be able to move up north. The cafe was meant to provide enough money to make the dream a reality. Whereas I could have probably opened a cafe in one of these provinces for a much smaller amount of money paying less in rent and less in salary costs. And it probably would have been a better chance of success, even though I probably wouldn’t have made as much money if it was indeed a success.

From Phuket, we flew to Bangkok, then a taxi to Pattaya straight to the condo door.

Back to Reality

It was difficult to get back into the swing of living a normal life as opposed to being on the road all the time which, if I could go back, is where I would want to remain. But as we were on that trip, I spoke to Minnie countless times about my desire to open a cafe, and I hoped she would be able to help. Because I would need a Thai shareholder to own 51% of the business. Having a girlfriend like Minnie was a perfect solution to avoid any of the restrictions in place.

Minnie was also excited at the prospect of opening a cafe. She always told me and talked about her desires to open a business, but she never had the money to be able to do it.

We’d only been back in Pattaya for a day when we started looking for locations to open the cafe. We knew it wouldn’t be possible to open on Beach Road or even Second Road, but 10 minutes away from there on foot should afford us a suitable place. We must have been in 50 cafes on our trip, and I bought different coffees from all of them and got the contact information so I could order more when we decided which ones we wanted to stock.

I wanted to have a cafe that was made up by country as opposed to just coffee like a menu on the wall with the name of a country where the coffee was from and then a list underneath of what was available.

Finding a Location

It took two months to find a location. It wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough. We didn’t have to pay anything upfront like I would have had to if I was opening a bar right in the thick of the city, and the rent was only 30,000 baht a month.

I had taken advice from a legal firm in Pattaya who had helped countless foreigners form businesses and get visas to live there. I paid them to form the company for me with Minnie being the 51% shareholder, me with 48%, and one of Minnie’s friends holding another 1%. At that time, you needed three shareholders. I believe now you can do it with two.

After doing all that, we rented the premises in the name of the company on a three year lease, paying a two month deposit. And the next course of action was to first fit out the cafe exactly like I envisioned it, but also arrange a work permit visa and find two staff. By the time I would need to renew my work permit after a year, I was told I would need four staff, but in the early stages, two was sufficient.

I spent half of my savings on the interior. I should also mention I spent 10% of my savings on our trip. But I had enough money to weather the first few months until it started to be successful.

Ready to Launch

Minnie found two of her friends to work in the cafe. And before long, I had been out of the country to get a business visa, returned to Thailand, been issued with a work permit that I then used to extend the visa in Thailand. And I felt I was really on my way.

I can remember the day before we opened, and I’m talking to Minnie about our future and what we’re going to do. And we both thought the cafe was going to be a roaring success. It was our hope that within 5 years we’d have made enough money to be able to sell the cafe for a big profit and then move up north to live a more quiet life.

I was still getting the rent from my house back at home, and that was enough to cover half of a basic existence. We just needed some more money, and I wanted to fulfill the lifelong dream of opening my business. The fact it was in Thailand was even better.

We went out that evening to celebrate the imminent opening of the cafe, and I thought that my Thailand life was only just beginning and there was so much more on the cards for the future.

A Disastrous First Day

If opening day was anything to go by, I guess I should have decided this might not have been the best idea and I should save what remaining money I had. Both of Minnie’s friends who we had hired as staff didn’t show up on the first day. We employed them properly through our company. They were registered for social security. We did everything legally. But when Minnie called them and asked where they were, they said, “Oh, we didn’t know you were actually opening today.”

How didn’t they know that? We’d already told them multiple times and called them the day before saying, “Don’t forget to come tomorrow.” The thing was, they thought it was a non issue. Still though, they didn’t show up. They were still at the massage shop saying, “We’ll come tomorrow.”

That first day was an indication of how things were going to go. But I overlooked it as being a minor hiccup and pursued the dream of making this cafe a success.

The Numbers Didn’t Work

I bet there are going to be many people saying, “How do you think opening a cafe is a good idea? There are cafes on every single street in Thailand.” While there are, there were no cafes that had the same ideas as me. I really paid close attention to where the coffee came from which country, how it was sourced, was it sustainable. I thought we had a unique selling point that I hadn’t seen in many places in Thailand. So, to any of you naysayers, I really thought it was a good idea.

The second day, the staff luckily arrived, and we opened the doors.

Based on the costs, we had 15,000 baht per month for two staff, so 30,000 baht a month for them. I agreed to pay Minnie 30,000 baht a month to manage it, and 30,000 baht a month for the rent of the premises. And we guessed an extra 5,000 baht for electric and other utilities, and we gave a 15,000 baht emergency fund for incidentals.

That meant our total outlay was 110,000 baht per month before I could see any money myself. At an average of 50 baht profit for a coffee and 30 baht profit for the cakes and treats that we sold, we would need to sell about 75 cups a day to break even. We were open 12 hours a day, 7 days a week from 8:00 a.m. till 8:00 p.m. So that meant we would only need to sell between 6 and 7 coffees an hour to be able to cover all the costs.

In my business plan, I had expected to be able to sell 20 coffees per hour. That didn’t seem unrealistic. When we went into Cafe Amazon on our trip, there were always people there, and you sometimes had to queue for 20 minutes before you could even place your order. Local cafes were also doing roaring business, and it was my expectation that 20 coffees an hour was an extremely conservative estimate.

When we didn’t sell anything on the first day where we opened, again, I should have thought this might not be the best thing to do. But I was so sure of my idea and so sure of everything that we put into the business that we persevered. No business can succeed immediately. It takes time for people to know about you. And I honestly thought as soon as people found out about our cafe, there’s no chance they’re going to go to any of the others. Not only was our coffee better, it was guaranteed to be sustainably sourced and guaranteed to be great coffee. I would have thought that the price we were charging might have been too high, but it seemed to be in line with many of the other upmarket cafes. And I didn’t try to reduce the price as of yet. I thought the best thing to do would be to evaluate how things were after the first month of being open. A whole month should give us some accurate data and see if we were moving forwards.

The Grim Reality

Unfortunately, during that month, we sold about as much in the month as I was expecting to sell every single day. And I couldn’t for the life of me understand why people were not coming into our cafe. It had everything anybody would want. But people weren’t going in.

Minnie said she wasn’t concerned. She said she used to work in a different massage shop that opened up from scratch. She was one of the first employees, and she said it took months and months for the place to become established and start turning a profit. I looked at my finances, and after 6 months if it hadn’t worked, I would be on a plane leaving Thailand. That was something I didn’t even want to think about because I was so sure it was going to work.

But it did make sense what Minnie said. It does take time to establish a business. It takes time for people to find out about you. So, I gambled my future on the success of the cafe. If it works, we can make money, save money, and hopefully within five years move to the north of Thailand and retire. If it didn’t make money, I would be leaving Thailand with no idea how I would ever return.

I was expecting that if things did not work, I would just take Minnie back home with me to England. I hadn’t yet understood just how difficult it was to get a visa for your Thai partner to go to England. Not that we got that far. Why would I have thought anything otherwise that taking your partner to your own country was an easy thing to do? Turns out they only welcome people arriving illegally in boats.

I put my head down and thought about how to get more people into the cafe. The problem was I didn’t want to spend money to get people in that would defeat the object, and I wouldn’t be able to make money, and my money would go down quicker. I asked Minnie to tell her friends about it, but after that first month, she seemed to have lost interest in the cafe.

I was still paying her 30,000 baht a month to manage it, but she wasn’t doing anything of the sort. The two staff we had did far more than she did. But even still, it wasn’t much that they had to do because so few people went in. The second month passed, and while we did sell more than in the first month, it was nowhere near close to breaking even. The problem was I needed to do more than break even. I was hoping to be able to save 100,000 baht a month for 5 years. That was the goal. That was the intention and the plan before getting into this that this was what was going to happen.

Month Three Things Get Worse

Month three comes around, and while it’s slightly better again than month two, I don’t think Minnie even went into the shop once during that third month. Yet still, she was getting 30,000 baht a month. I think anybody else would have called it right there and then. But the problem was if I had called it then, I would have still had to return home. I think that’s why I hung on for even longer on the vain hope that it was going to turn around and be a great business success.

This was something I dreamed about ever since 2011. And we’re now more than 10 years later. And my dream to open a business and move to Thailand was coming true. But it was going to fail very soon if things didn’t turn around. I had the feeling of helplessness, like there was nothing I could do about it.

I felt like I might as well have just gone to a casino and put all my money on red. That’s what it felt like. Because no matter what, nobody went into the business. And I had 3 months left.

Minnie’s True Colors

When Minnie realized that things weren’t working and that my money was dwindling, she didn’t say, “Oh, you don’t need to give me any money anymore.” She said the opposite. She said, “Because it’s not working and there’s a chance you have to leave, you should give me more money because if you do leave, I would need to get back on my feet.”

She was never off her feet because she never had anything anyway. So how she worked this out, I don’t know. What happened to that extremely loving and caring individual that went on that trip around Thailand with me? Where had she disappeared to now? It seems all she was trying to do was get as much out of me of what I had left for her own benefit.

I didn’t think that’s what having a Thai girlfriend was for. I thought it was their job to put me first. I honestly thought she was there to put me first at every single step of the way. But finding out that she expected to get extra money from the business because it was failing made me really understand I’d been a fool.

The problem was she owned half the business. She was the director, and she had to sign at the bank. She had to sign all the legal documents. So I was left with no choice but to give her 40,000 a month hoping amongst hope that it would turn around.

The Final Months

Month four it was worse than the months before. And I don’t know why because the coffee tasted great. I would consider myself to be a coffee expert, and the coffee we served up was better than most of the cafes I’d been to in Thailand. Yet, it didn’t seem to matter that our coffee was good. Nobody knew about it, and nobody was coming in.

Again, I should have closed it there and then and at least had a little bit of money to fall back on when I had to go home. I’d still have some money to buy a cheap car to run me around. I’d still have enough to last a few months while I was looking for a new job. But no, I stubbornly continued hoping for a miracle.

Months five and six were just the same. And when my money finally ran out, that was when I knew I had to go back. I wasn’t prepared to go back until I had nothing left just in case something happened that would have made me be able to stay in Thailand.

The worst of it all, though, was Minnie. It was my hope that if the business failed, she could go to England with me. But we didn’t even get looking into that. When the time came for me to give her money and there was none there, she just walked out and said, “I’m going to go.” And I can’t say what she said here, but it was very upsetting to hear that coming out of the mouth of somebody you loved.

Leaving Thailand

When I say I had no money left I did have enough for a plane ticket. I had that in a separate account just in case. I never thought that “just in case” would happen. But here I was having to return home after failing so miserably in Thailand for not even a year. I couldn’t believe I was in this position. The thought of going back was destroying me. Plus, I had someone living in my house, which meant it would take a few months before I could access my own house again.

I put off booking the ticket for as long as I could. But I knew I would need to. I gave up the condo which Minnie no longer lived in and I lost the deposit for that. But what I did do was leave the business for Minnie to sort out. She was the director and she owned most of it, so legally it was more hers than it was mine. I thought the chance of me returning to Thailand was low, so never mind. I didn’t even bother to cancel my work permit or visa. I just left it for her to worry about, seeing as though she’d left me when the money ran out.

I did take a few things out of the shop back home with me things that would fit in a big bag. So at least I got something out of it. But I did pay for it all with my own money.

Anyway, flying back to England, I felt like a failure. All those years dreaming, all those years working a job I hated, all those thoughts of being a success in Thailand and 6 months had shown me just how impossible that dream was. At least for me.

Back in England

When I arrived back in England, I had a hundred quid in cash to my name just enough to pay for a taxi to my friend’s house, who graciously let me stay at his house until I could get mine back. I had already given notice to the tenant, and I just hoped that they wouldn’t be one of those sorts who didn’t understand that being a tenant meant a house wasn’t yours.

They moved out 2 months later, and I was able to move back into my house, which was a blessing. At this point, I had already found a new job, which admittedly I did hate. But I need to continue with it.

There is something that I need to admit. I’m so lucky that I didn’t do what I very nearly did. I was so close to selling my house. I thought it would give me more money in Thailand more chance of success. But if I did that, while the chances are I may still be in Thailand now, would I have more or less than I do? I probably would have lost everything and then come back to no house. So owning that and keeping it was the best decision I ever made.

That does not fill the void. Nothing makes me feel better living where I am.

Looking to the Future

I have started looking at different countries. Maybe Thailand is just not for me. Or maybe Thailand would be for me if I had enough money for it to be. I’m just 58 now, which means if the pension age stays as it is, it’s going to be at least 10 years before I get a state pension. At least 10 years, and it could be a lot longer. I’ve had enough of working as it is. The thought of doing this for another 10 years fills me with dread. And that’s the situation I find myself in, and I have to be open to accept it.

Another saving grace, which is a product of me keeping my house, is it is worth more money than it was. Also, the way the property market has gone in England means that I could rent it out for £600 a month which is a good return on what it’s worth. After being in Thailand, I know how much I could spend if I really had to. And £1,000 a month although not living anywhere close to the life I actually want to live I would be able to exist for that amount of money.

I don’t want to move to Thailand at any point, but perhaps another country in the region that’s more affordable. And I’ve come to the idea that as soon as I have enough money to be able to top up my rent from £600 a month to £1,000 a month that would be able to last me till I’m 70 I’m going to leave England again.

That means I need £400 a month or £4,800 a year. So I’m going to need over £50 grand in the bank. I’m only 10% of the way there now, and I can’t save much. So it looks like my dream is not going to come true. But you still have to dream, or you might as well give up.

A Final Warning

That’s my story. A dream of moving to Thailand and living a good life. All it did was make my life at home worse. I know many people say, “At least I tried. And if I didn’t try, I wouldn’t know.” But I wish I hadn’t tried because trying really did ruin my life. Not to mention falling head over heels in love with Minnie and expecting her to stay with me forever, only to come to the understanding that money and money alone was what mattered to her.

If you are going to Thailand, try not to do anything that would put you in a position like I find myself in now. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. But here I am, and here I will remain, even though I don’t want to be here.

If that is the only thing that I can get from my failure warning others then I suppose it won’t have been for nothing, at least for them.

But for me, it will always be the biggest mistake of my life.