Fell in Love in Thailand Sent Money Built a House and Lost Everything
A Holiday That Changed Everything
One day I was living my normal life without any expectations that I was going to do anything different. Yet when I went on holiday to Thailand back in the year 2008, that’s when everything completely changed for me. If I think about it properly, I don’t think I should have gone to Thailand in the first place. I was 45 years old, single all my life, and just about given up on hopes of finding anyone to settle down with. I wasn’t going to Thailand for a relationship. I was just going for a holiday to go and look at the temples and the beaches. Quite literally, I was there for the culture. And that’s not even a hint of a lie.
I got drawn, though, into a part of Thailand that I’d heard about, but that I thought I would have absolutely no interest in. I felt like Thailand was dangling the carrot in front of me, as if to say, “Everything you’ve ever wanted is right here. You’ve got to accept some things that you might not accept if it was in your own country, but you can have something you’ve always wanted and it’s possible.” If I’d have known going in, I probably wouldn’t have gone. I’d have gone somewhere else instead. But Thailand was the place that allowed me to feel love for the first time. I wasn’t in any kind of good financial position to immerse myself into that. So what happened to me over the course of quite a few years ultimately led to the point of my life where I got to the position of losing a lot and not having what I thought I was going to have at the end of the day. It’s one of those lessons that taught me so much about the world, about my own life, and about prejudices that people have based on where they come from. I wish I never learned this lesson, but I did. And if I can go anywhere else to explain what I did, and I think what I did was wrong, then at least it won’t have been for nothing.
The Decision to Go to Thailand
It was around October time in 2008 when I touched down in Thailand. I’d been in a travel agency back home in Doncaster and they were showing me lots of different places to go to. I was even thinking about going on a cruise around the Med. I’d done a cruise before, but I didn’t really enjoy it because I was alone and I had no one to talk to. I thought about going to my usual Lanzarote. I’d been lots of times and I loved it. But when the travel agent told me how cheap it was to fly to Thailand, how cheap it was when you got there and how special it was, I decided to go there instead.
At the time, Thailand was going to cost me less than spending the same amount of time in Lanzarote. That was for everything, the flights, entertainment, food, hotels of course, and everything else that went along with the holiday. It’s quite difficult to wrap your head around that today because that couldn’t be further from the truth. But back then, that was exactly how it was. Flying 12 hours to Thailand all that way was cheaper than flying for 4 hours and doing something in Europe. And I think that’s what attracted so many people to Thailand who found themselves falling in love with the country and wanting to return all the time.
Coming to the realization that you’re not in Thailand because of anything other than it’s so much cheaper than going somewhere else. It’s actually becoming more expensive than going somewhere in Europe today. And that’s something I never thought would happen. Yet that’s what I found for me. The issue was I’d already committed to Thailand. So, I had to stomach the fact that it was no longer cheaper than holidaying in Europe. It made it more difficult to get to my end goal, and I spent years doing the most insane things. At the time, I didn’t know they were insane, though. So, it pains me to understand I wasted so many years of my life, so much more money, and in return, I got absolutely nothing.
First Impressions of Bangkok
Thailand was everything like the travel agency said it was. It was hot, sticky, but best of all, it was chaotic. I always had to compare the places I went. And when I was in Bangkok for the first time, that was my first time in such a big city. I’d never holidayed in a city before. It was something you didn’t do. You went to a beach place and relaxed. And of course, I was going to be going down to Phuket for part of my holiday, but it was recommended to go and check out Bangkok. Go and look at the Grand Palace, Wat Arun, take in the nightlife, experience the city, and then go and have the beach side of the holiday.
The problem was straight away though, Bangkok and that sort of holiday like I’d never done before completely shocked me in a way that I didn’t think possible. I’d never been to a big city before, and this big city in Asia was my introduction to what it was like. I quickly gravitated towards the main areas that tourists seem to go to. I was staying on Sukhumvit Soi 11 and from there I did everything that I was there to do. Yet I quickly found that the bars around there were so much more interesting and entertaining than anything else that Bangkok had to offer.
I entered a world that opened up something for me that I had not experienced in my own country. And I quickly got drawn into the fact that I was able to meet someone who was like someone I would have dreamed of in my own country. Yet that dream was nothing but a dream. In Thailand, I became someone who deep down I always knew I was. And I interpreted this in a way that made the most sense to me at the time. That is one of my biggest regrets. Thinking that I knew everything that was going on, thinking that what I was seeing and feeling was real and the understandings that these were giving to me were correct. I didn’t know how wrong I was.
I loved Bangkok, but I had a schedule and I had to go down to Phuket. That was equally as fantastic. Maybe I wouldn’t go that far. Not as equally as fantastic. It couldn’t beat Bangkok, but the beaches there and the bars down Bangla Road, they allowed me to continue with where I left off in Bangkok. Yet, by the beach, as much as I loved it in Phuket, it didn’t resonate with me in the same way that Bangkok did. I never even heard of Pattaya at this time, and I left Thailand thinking I would be back as quickly as I could. I experienced an awful lot on that first holiday. I met a few girls that I fell in love with, but nothing went too far with them. Nothing was serious, but I knew that I needed to return to Thailand.
The Second Trip and Discovering Pattaya
The question was when. I usually went on holiday once a year and to think about having to wait a year to go back was something I didn’t even want to think about. So I went for a week in March 2009. It was a long way to go for a week, but I felt it would tide me over until I could go for a longer holiday further along in the year. 2 days in Bangkok and after doing a lot of research since I got back from my first holiday, 5 days in Pattaya. Pattaya was even better than Bangkok and Phuket. I would even go as far as saying that you could combine Bangkok and Phuket. Times that by a million and Pattaya would still be an order of magnitude better than that combination. I fell in love with the city, the proximity to the beach, the more affordable price of drink in the bars, the fact that there were so many more bars there than there were in Bangkok, and just about everything with the city put me in such a positive frame of mind that I was open to anything that came my way.
It was on my second day in Pattaya that I did need to go in one of the bars. I guess at that point I was 46. Thailand was my only experience of dating when I was there last time. And I don’t know if it was because I was desperate or because when she seemed to be attracted to me and I wasn’t a very attractive man, I just fell in love with her in a way that didn’t even make sense. She was 21, but I always thought that she was an old 21. I’m not trying to justify anything here, but she acted like she was older than she was. And because I was devoid of any sort of experience throughout my life, it seemed that we were a match that could go well. She became my everything during the remainder of my time in Pattaya.
The Long-Distance Agreement
So much so that I wanted the relationship to continue even though I wasn’t going to be able to be there. Because she was from a small village in Isan, I thought that it would be a good idea for her to go back to the village and live there. I could support her financially while I wasn’t in Thailand and then eventually I would have enough money to come back and live in Thailand forever. I didn’t know I mean I really didn’t know that this was something that many people did. I thought I was one of the few people who came up with this idea as a way to solidify this relationship. I wanted to be in it even though I wasn’t able to be there. I didn’t have the first idea that there would be many people doing this, that this was a phenomenon where so many people did fall in love with the girls in Thailand and send money back to them when they weren’t there. Yet, they continued to do what they did anyway, continued to get more help from more people at the same time. I did not know that was even a thing. If I had, I probably would have been a bit more careful.
But when the time came that I had to leave, I told her how serious I was about her, how much I thought this relationship could go well, and I would happily support her when I wasn’t in Thailand. In return, we didn’t need to work anymore. And I thought that was her number one dream, and she could go back and live in her village and didn’t need to stay in Pattaya. I thought I was doing something really nice and unheard of. That shows how naive I was. I didn’t just like her a little bit. I really did love her. So when I talked about it with her, like really properly telling her exactly what I think would be the best situation for both of us, she seemed to agree with the fact that this could work. She seemed to have fallen in love with me. The way she hugged me when we were out in a restaurant having something to eat, the way she would clink glasses with me and smile, everything she did indicated to me that her feelings towards me were just the same as my feelings towards her.
So it was agreed that I would give her 12,000 baht every month and if there are any emergencies that cropped up, we could talk about those when they came. But she had to go and live in her village. We had to speak every day and she would be my girlfriend. I would be her boyfriend. Nobody could have anyone else. And I would try to put together a plan that would see me being able to move to Thailand as soon as possible. I did make it clear that as soon as possible meant I didn’t know actually how long that was. A long-distance relationship with someone that was mine was better than no relationship at all. And while I wanted to be able to move to Thailand, that was so far away from what was possible to me at the time that it did seem like it was the next best thing.
I thought for her it would really be a good thing as well, just having money sent to be taken care of and then she could spend her time doing something a bit more respectable in terms of earning a living. I thought if she was able to double what she earned, doing something great, then that would be good for our future together. These are the thoughts I’m having, and I think her thoughts are exactly aligned with mine. I guess that’s where I made my first huge mistake.
Back Home and a New Job
So after only one week holiday in 2009, I was in love. I’d never been in love like that before. And it was a feeling that made me feel so good, yet so bad at the same time. Going back home thinking that it’s going to be 6 months until I could see her again. But also at the same time, feeling very confident that what we’d agreed to was the best for both of us.
I got home and tried to work out how long it would take me to be able to move to Thailand. I didn’t have much money at 46. I still rented a house. I had some savings, but not a lot, and a job that paid me a reasonable amount of money. Yet, by the time I paid for everything, giving her this money that we’d agreed on, and paid for my holidays once or twice a year, there wouldn’t be anything left. The thought of me getting to Thailand anytime soon to live, was so far away that I started thinking about what else we could do. I spoke to her every day. She seemed to be very happy every time I spoke. She was always sounding very happy and the relationship was great. I thought we were together. I didn’t know anything else. And this would go on for a long time. I’m sending her money every month and I’m always thinking about other things to do.
I’d been back about 4 months when I applied for another job. I’d had the same job for over 15 years. I was very good at it and experienced, but I didn’t really have regular salary increases that made a difference. When I applied for this job and was accepted for it, all of a sudden I found I was earning about £23,000 a year extra after tax. And that started to sound like the extra bit of money that could get me to Thailand permanently by the age of 53, which is what I was thinking. That would be another 7 years. Seven years of back and forth between the countries. But I also had the idea that potentially we could get married and she could come to England to live with me to start with. This is what I was thinking. And I just wanted the relationship to last and if it was going to take 7 years until we could finally live together. I thought that was a sacrifice that both of us would have to make to have a good time. I thought we were in love and this was something that I was doing to hold up my end of the bargain. and for her to hold up her end of the bargain, all it would have meant was just what we agreed.
The Engagement and Marriage
I started that job and 3 months later was the time for my proper holiday to Thailand. I managed to go for 17 days the way I worked it out. Flying on a Friday evening, getting back on the Monday morning, quite literally an hour before I had to start work. But I was okay with that as long as the plane wasn’t going to be delayed. That one extra day meant a lot because it was going to be with my girlfriend. I was going to spend the whole time with her and I couldn’t wait.
I asked her to come and meet me in Bangkok and she was there and she embraced me like I’d always hoped she would and what I thought about ever since I left last time. And I felt like during those 17 days, our relationship got even stronger. And that’s when I asked her to marry me. She agreed. She became my fiancée and I told her about my new job and my idea to eventually be able to move to Thailand in about 7 years time. I would be coming to Thailand twice a year to be able to see her. That should mean that we had slightly over a month every year together and it didn’t sound too bad when the alternative was not having anyone at all. She seemed to be perfectly okay with it. And the fact that she agreed to the relationship in the first place, I didn’t think she would have done that if she didn’t want it or if she didn’t love me so much like I loved her so much. We weren’t going to get married when I was there that time, but because she was my fiancée, that was something we could talk about when I was going to go next time. It was very difficult to leave. I felt an even bigger connection to her than before. But I was very happy that she had agreed to marry me. And she seemed to be very happy that she had also was engaged as well.
Back at work, I’m actually really really enjoying my new job because it’s paying me this money and I’m able to put it away. I’m able to start saving a bit and this would see me in Thailand. This is everything I was thinking about and I was happy to go inside to the office every single day.
We kept talking about things when we spoke every day and we decided that when I went back to Thailand next time, that’s when we would get married. We’d go to the village and have the ceremony. I’d be introduced to her family and we would go and get the actual paperwork. That was just one step in order to solidify the relationship, get married, and from there we could take things even further.
It was a very long 6 months until I had a week available to me to go to Thailand. I was ready for the break. I was ready to see my fiancée and I couldn’t wait. She was there at the airport to meet me again and brought all the necessary documentation I needed so we could get married. And after spending a few days in Bangkok getting everything they needed from the embassy, we headed up to her village. She introduced me to her family and I fell in love with them and that part of Thailand. I felt a bigger connection to her because I was where she came from. And the fact that she was prepared to bring me there only meant that things were looking even better. Everything had already been arranged beforehand because I was only there for a short amount of time. So the day after we got there, we got married. I brought a lot of cash with me for sin sod and I was fine with that. And she showed me where she stayed when I was working. She showed me around where she used to go to school and all the things about her village. She made me feel like I was connected to this place as well, not just to her. And a few days later, we’re back in Bangkok getting the marriage certificate. It was a very busy week, but all of a sudden, I’m now married. And that made me even more confident in the relationship. My wife seemed to be happy, and as part of getting married, I did agree to give her a 100,000 baht as a wedding gift. I was very happy to be able to do that, and she was happy as well. Leaving again though was tough.
Planning for the Future
Back to work and another 6 months until I could return for a few weeks. I am putting money away every month. I’m getting closer, although we’re still very far away. And because I’d already been up to the village, when she said, “What would I think about living in the village in the future? It’s cheaper.” He said, “Therefore, you wouldn’t need as much money, and you could perhaps move here quicker than if we moved somewhere else.” That really piqued my interest. When I was thinking about moving to Thailand, I never thought where I actually wanted to live. Because I was married and in a relationship, I didn’t really think I would want to live in Pattaya. Bangkok was fun, but what I really wanted to do was something different. So, I kind of decided as soon as she mentioned that yes, I would love to live in the village. We didn’t talk much about it during those 6 months. Nothing was mentioned about building a house. Nothing was talked about at all. But it did plant the first seeds in my mind that living in the village would be where I would want to live.
When the time came to finally go for another 2 weeks, by this point I felt like I knew her so well. We’d been married for 6 months together for over a year and I thought that she was doing everything that she said she was doing. I thought she was living in the village. I thought everything that we agreed on she was doing. And I would think this for a long time. This time felt even more special than before. Spend a few days in different places and also up in the village. She wanted to show me things and talk about things. And that was the first time that she pointed out some land and said we could buy this and this is where our future house could be. It was about 400,000 baht and I had that in my bank in England. If that was going to be land that we could build our house on, then that could be included as part of my savings. So, I didn’t think very hard before agreeing to buy it. I wasn’t thinking I was buying it for her and that would not become part of my savings anymore. If at some point in the future we’re going to be living in the village, we’re going to need a place to live. We’re going to need some land. So, what’s the problem in buying it now? That could just be one thing to take off the list that we needed. So I said as soon as I got back I would transfer the money and you can buy the land. She was very happy about that of course and I was as well because this was putting even stronger footings on onto our relationship and into my future retirement in Thailand.
Aside from that we talked about what our house would look like, what kind of car we’d have to drive around in, and what we would do when we went away for a week or two every now and then. I had a great time with her. She’s my wife, remember, and she’s the love of my life. I felt like I was exactly the same for her. Leaving was tough, not knowing when I could see her again. But at this point, because she was already my wife, I was supporting her a little bit extra every month. It only felt right since we were married that I was giving her 18,000 baht instead of 12.
The House Is Built
I don’t want to talk about every single time I went to Thailand. That last time when we bought the land was in 2009. or was it 2010? My memory fails me slightly, but I did go back to Thailand twice a year in 2010, 2011, and 2012. Throughout those years, I felt like our relationship was just getting stronger and stronger. We spoke all the time when I wasn’t there, and when we were there, we were inseparable. She was turning into such an amazing young lady, and she always acted older than she was. She was talking about having a family, and that was something I was prepared to do as long as I was living there full-time. Throughout those years, I was saving a lot more money. Money was piling up, and in 2012, when I was there around October, that was when we decided to start thinking about what our house would actually look like. It was one thing to talk about it enjoy thinking about it, but now I actually had the money available that we could get it built. That would be one other thing ticked off the list. And after that, it would just be saving enough money to be able to live there. It felt like all the hard work over the past years was finally paying off because we could start on the house. My wife was delighted, as you’d expect, and this is something we’ve talked about for a long time, and now it was finally able to happen. It was going to cost 2.5 million baht. We didn’t want anything too big. We just wanted something comfortable where people could come and stay with us, where we could have guests. It was going to be a place that I grew old in after all.
Also, in 2012, that was when we went somewhere out of Thailand for the first time, only for 3 days, but she got her passport ready and she’d never left Thailand before. So, I thought it would be nice to have a little bit of time outside of Thailand just to see what it was like together. Kind of like a delayed honeymoon sort of thing. We didn’t go far, only to Indonesia, but she seemed to be very grateful that she had the chance to go. I was happy to see something different, and it was fun to be able to spend time with her in a neutral setting. Thailand was always her ground where she was sort of in control of things. Like when we went to eat, she ordered the food. When we did something, she’d be the one talking and speaking because I couldn’t speak Thai. Going to Indonesia, I was the one who was able to take charge of things. and that felt amazing. All the time I was thinking about getting her to England with me, but she didn’t really want to go when I brought it up. She just said she’d happily stay in Thailand and wait for me to finally be able to move there. So, we didn’t push the idea of her going to England any further than that. But the fact that we were in Indonesia for those few days and I’d taken on a very different role, it made me feel really good. So, I thought the next time that I went to Thailand, we could do a week in Thailand and a week somewhere else. That was a year in the future, so we could talk about that a long time away before we’d even booked anything. But life was amazing yet cruel at the same time because I wanted to be with her all the time. Right now, I couldn’t. But the end did seem to be inside because as soon as I got back, I could transfer money to get the house built and that could get started. But by the time I came back in 6 months, it would be nearly ready.
We returned to Thailand from Indonesia and had a day there. And she went back up to the village. At least that’s what she said she did. And I went back to England. We arranged how much we needed to pay for the house in installments and we would make those. So I transferred the first installment and then continued for about 4 months and it was good. It was ready. That was quick. and I transferred about 2.5 million baht. My savings were very depleted now. I was working really hard. I already had a raise and made a bonus. So, the money was coming together well. But after paying for the house, I probably had about £25,000 in my English account. That was enough for 2 years in the village, I thought. So, once I got to having enough for 10 years, that was what I planned to make the move. It didn’t seem like it was going to be all too long, and I couldn’t wait to actually live there full-time with her.
The First Cracks Appear
I went again 6 months after the last time, and we went to look at the house. It was exactly like the design showed, yet it didn’t really have much furniture in it yet. I asked her where she was sleeping, and that was the first slight indication that I wasn’t sure about what was going on with her. Her eyes widened when I asked, and she just said, “Oh, I’m still with my family at the moment.” But I can distinctly remember her telling me that she’d already moved into the house. When I brought that up to her, she just said, “Oh, I did for a few days, but I was lonely, so I went back to stay with my family and I’m just waiting for you.” I guess that was quite a good explanation. So, I didn’t think anything more of it. It was always at the back of my mind, like she told me she’d moved into the house months ago, and she always talked about moving into the house and living in the house when we spoke. Yet here it seemed to be like something else was going on, but I just ignored it because there was nothing else I could do.
I did tell her when I got back I would send the money for the furniture though. So when I did get back, that’s what I did, about £5,000. And I told her to go and pick out some of the best things and get it really comfortable. Later that year, when I was back, she had got some furniture. Yet some of the things that she bought I didn’t like. The sofa was cheap and plasticky. The table looked like it cost £450, but I didn’t want to ruin the two weeks I was there. So, I just said to her, “Can you let me know how much everything cost? £5,000. That should have been enough for really good quality things, but it didn’t seem to be very good.” And she just said, “Oh, yeah. I bought a new motorcycle for my cousin as well.” That was the first time in all the years we were together that I’d learned that she’d used money I had given her for something other than herself or something directly related to me. And I was extremely hurt because I’d never agreed to that. But because I was only there for 2 weeks, I didn’t want to ruin it. So I just thought, never mind. As soon as I move here, I’ll get some new furniture when I’m ready to choose my own. That was still quite a number of years away. So, I just thought there’s no point bothering about it.
We spent the rest of the time in Pattaya, which was great, not being there for quite a few years, so seeing it evolve was really interesting and exciting at the same time. One night really stood out though when we were there. She said she wanted to go and see her friends in the bar where she worked before. I thought that was a nice thing to do, thinking that she hadn’t seen them for three or four years from when she stopped working. But when we were there, it just seemed like everyone was all too familiar with each other. It seemed like she’d been there not long ago. But again, I chose to ignore those feelings I was having just to enjoy the moment. Nobody said anything. Of course, she would say, “I’m going to bring him here. Just make sure you don’t tell him anything.” I guess that could have been a possibility, but I didn’t think anything really about it. I was just putting these small doubts I was starting to have completely out of my thoughts because starting to entertain things like that. That’s when you start to lose your mind.
The Distance Grows
Returning home again was very difficult. 2012 and a relationship I felt was solid. I would even go as far as saying I felt like it was solid as a rock. Every time we met, she was amazing. She never really seemed to ask for anything over and above the money that she was getting monthly. No emergencies ever came up. So, I took that as a big positive that things were exactly like I thought they were. Back at home, I’m working hard. I’ve even found an extra evening job just to make a little bit of extra money to see me being able to move to Thailand sooner. I think by the time a year went by, I didn’t go after 6 months that year in 2013. It was a whole year before I was going to see her again. But when the time came, I looked at my finances and thought that I had enough money to potentially move to Thailand. yet I would need to do something when I was there. I just didn’t know what to do when I was there. So, I just thought another year, maybe two at the max, and then I could finally move there.
2013 was the first time that she started to feel a little bit distant when I was there. We spoke all the time since I left, and we always professed love for each other, and I always told her I loved her every single day, more than once. And when she responded that she loved me too, I just believed her and thought that she did. But she was a little more distant in the sense that it felt like she wanted to be somewhere else. But I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. The problem was it had been a whole year since I’d seen her. And I didn’t want to ruin the moment by having these doubts. So I just forgot about them again and said to myself, “Well, she’s just upset that I’m going to have to leave again.” That’s what it was about. is about her love for me and the fact that she didn’t want me to leave. I just told her two more years and I think I can move here. And she didn’t really seem excited when I said that. I thought it was because for her 2 years was a long time. I didn’t think it was anything to do with the fact that she didn’t even like me. Why would I think that? It was always difficult leaving, but that time felt extra difficult more than normal because she was different than she was before. I knew it, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on exactly what had happened. Why she was being different. I didn’t know. I didn’t push it, though, because that could have ruined the time I was there, and I looked forward to the year after. So, leaving, I’m just thinking, I hope everything’s okay.
The Devastating News
I’d been back for approximately 3 months, I’d say. I can remember because it was around February time, and I was sitting in my office and she sends me a message asking me to call her. She did that all the time. I didn’t think that this time would be any different. But when I stood up and went outside, I called her and she looked really upset. This was video call and we could see everything. And I’d always done video calls and it always seemed like she was where she said she was. Yet, I suppose there are places in Pattaya that look rural as well. I’m starting to have these doubts, but I’m ignoring them because I thought even if she did think she shouldn’t have done it. when I moved there permanently, she wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. So although I’m starting to have these doubts, and I’ve heard them for over a year now, I went from ignoring them completely. So thinking that even if it’s true, she’s not going to do that when I move there. I asked her what was wrong, what she said was something that I never thought was even the remotest of possibilities.
She told me that she met someone else and she wanted to get married to him. He was from Sweden and he’s living in Thailand. He’s got enough money to live in Thailand and he wants to get married to her. I didn’t know what to say in that moment. I asked her, “How did you meet this man?” And she just said, “Oh, he went with his friend and his wife up to my village and we hit it off.” That was such a stupid lie that I knew wasn’t true. And I said to her, “It’s not possible. Tell me the truth.” But she just kept sticking to that lie. What about the house? I said, “What about all the money I’ve sent you?” I don’t know. She said, “The house is my house. It’s on my land. But you want to get married to him?” I said. “Yes, I love him,” she said. “I thought you loved me,” I said to her. “I love you, sure,” she said. “But I know that in Thailand, you’re not here. I love him more than you.”
I just hung up the phone and stood there. That wasn’t what I was expecting to hear that day, and the only thing I could think about was how could I get her to change her mind? Then I’m thinking, well, obviously she’s in Pattaya. When she met this guy, she promised me she would never go there. I was sending her money to not go there. I’d married her and I’d built a house. And I’d worked for the past number of years with the sole focus of getting myself to Thailand. And I invested all that hard work into starting a new life with her and building. Now something is going wrong and everything’s in complete shambles. and I knew I would need to get myself to Thailand as soon as possible to try to work everything out because we were in a new year. I had my holiday allowance available. So, I asked my work if I could have 2 weeks as soon as possible because there’s an emergency with my wife and luckily they didn’t have any problems for me and they said go tomorrow if you need to do what you need to do. So, I was really grateful that my work was so open to letting me have those weeks because I don’t know what I would have done. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to function properly if I had to do anything else.
The Shocking Truth Revealed
I finished out that day at work, got home, and immediately booked a ticket. I’m trying to call my wife to tell her I’m going, but she’s not answering at the moment. So, I just sent her a message saying, “I’m coming to Thailand. I’ll be there in a few days. We need to get this sorted out.” She didn’t respond to any of my messages, and by the time I was boarding the plane, which I’d managed to get for the following morning, she still hadn’t answered. Sometimes it did take her a little bit of time to answer, so I wasn’t too concerned. I would check the message again when I got to Dubai for the layover. Those 7 hours to Dubai were torture, wondering if she was going to have responded, but when I got there, there was no response. So, I just had to think as soon as I get to Thailand, I can sort it out. Then, when I finally did get to Thailand, she still hadn’t responded, and I just thought I needed to go up to the village to talk to her and hopefully get her to change her mind.
I’d been quite a lot of times and I got there so I actually paid for a taxi from there 6,000 baht and 8 hours later after a very long flight and a very long taxi ride we pulled up at the village and go to the house and no one’s there. I went to her family’s house and they seemed surprised to see me and I asked where she was. No one spoke English, but the taxi driver spoke English slightly well and was able to translate. And they just looked and said she hasn’t been here for months. That was when I learned the truth. That’s when it hit me that she had done something that we’d never agreed on. I didn’t expect that. But she’s not been there for months. How many months? When was she here last? Where is she? I didn’t know. She’d been lying to me for years and I’d fallen for absolutely everything. I can remember just slumping onto the ground thinking about all the years that I’d wasted, but also thinking about how much I still loved her and wanted to get everything fixed. I wanted everything to be fixed. I still wanted her. I thought that there was a chance that she might have just gone to stay with a friend. Maybe maybe she wasn’t doing anything she shouldn’t have been. But then she told me she’d met someone and wanted to get married to him. but she was married to me.
I didn’t know what to do apart from to go to Pattaya, back to the bar where she used to work and see if anyone there knew where she was. I sent her a message with a picture showing her where I was. And I got back in the taxi and told him I wanted to go to Pattaya. So, I paid for that as well. And after about 2 hours, she responded saying, “Why you go house?” And then I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer. So, I responded again because she didn’t answer my messages. because you told me something that shocked me because I’ve invested a lot of money. Something like that. While saying at the same time, I really love you. I want to work everything out. This is my life and I love you. I told her I was going to Pattaya and she sent a message saying that she would meet me at the bar. Why would she meet me at the bar? I was still not understanding what was going on here. Still not thinking that she was actually working at the bar the whole time that I was in England. and she was taking my money and building houses. So, I still didn’t think that was real.
By the time I got to Pattaya, I was absolutely worn out. I couldn’t do anything that I had to do. So, I just had to go and rest in the hotel. Two long flights, two long taxi journeys, being shocked about learning things that I didn’t think were possible. And it did all take it out of me, and I slept for 16 hours or even more. I woke up the following afternoon around 3:00 p.m. and immediately walked to the bar. She sent a few messages asking where I was and I just said I had to sleep, so I’m coming now. And when I got there, she wasn’t even there. This is getting very annoying at this point. And I asked the people there, which were her friends supposedly where she was. They said, “Oh, she was probably going to come later on with her boyfriend.” And then they were wide-eyed and thinking, “Oh, you’re her husband. I shouldn’t have told you that.” And everything’s just crashing down around me and I don’t know what to do apart from just sit there and wait. So, I order a beer and wait and another one and a few more. And a few hours later, she did show up and she was with that guy.
It was as though they were prepared to see me and she came over to me first by herself saying that she doesn’t think it’s going to work between us. She’s met him, she wants to marry him, so she wants to get divorced from me. How your life can just change so dramatically is amazing, but I didn’t know what to say. The guy came over to me and just told me quite bluntly, you need to divorce her now. And it was kind of threatening at the same time when he said it. “How long have you known her?” I asked him. He said something like 5 years. Wow, that was a shocking realization. I didn’t know anything about how things worked in Thailand, so I knew that I needed to seek advice. But in that moment, I just told him to leave me alone with my wife. I spoke to her for ages about everything that happened, and I said, “Well, I’ll consider it, but I need the truth from you. I thought you were living in the village. I thought this is what we agreed to do, and I was sending money to you every month, and this is what you should be doing.” She just said that she went to the village a few times, but she never thought I was serious. I married you. Of course, I was serious. I built a house. How was that not serious? But then she said that by the time I was already doing that, she was serious with this other guy and she just didn’t want to make me upset. That’s what she said. I not want you sad. What a ridiculous excuse. I couldn’t believe it.
Getting Something Back
Now I’m starting to come to the realization about the amount of money that I’ve lost since I met her. All the times to Thailand. Okay, those were holidays, but I was paying for her when I was there. the house that was 2.5 million baht, 18,000 a month, 5,000 for the furniture, the 400,000 for the land, other bits of money I’d given to her as well. this could have nearly been £75,000 that I’d spent with the understanding that this money was going into things for my retirement and our future together. Now I’m understanding that all this money is in things that I have no claim over and no right over. So it was very difficult time because no matter what I said, no matter what I did, no matter what I promised, there was nothing I could do to get her to change her mind. So I had to leave the bar that day and go back to the hotel. And I just broke down in tears. I did. I broke down in tears because of what happened. I knew I needed to pull myself together. I needed to speak to a lawyer about the situation and tell him what had happened.
When I did explain it to him, he told me that what she did means that if I didn’t agree to a divorce, she would have to take me to court and she would likely not win. Although we could probably end up getting divorced, it would cost a lot of money for her to do that. If she wants to get married to that guy, you’re the one who can make that easy or hard. If you choose to make it easy, then perhaps you need to do something to get something out of it for yourself. If you choose to make it hard, then that’s your choice as well. What I think he was trying to say was, “Understand that she doesn’t want you anymore. Understand that whatever you say or do, she doesn’t want you anymore. Understand that you could throw all your money at it and she still doesn’t want you. So, agree to get divorced on the conditions that you get something out of her because she’s got this new man that wants to marry her so badly.” That’s what he was trying to say. And to start with, I didn’t want to listen to him. I mean, I was paying him 5,000 baht for this legal advice, and it was really great advice from a great lawyer in Pattaya. Then he said, “You might not want to hear this, but that’s your choice. If you want to get any money back, you need to tell them, “Well, I’m not getting divorced. I’m only getting divorced if you give me half of everything I paid for. Then you can take it from there.” You haven’t done anything to mean that she has grounds for divorce. If she took you to court, you haven’t done anything negative towards her. If you wanted to divorce her, you’ve got the grounds for a divorce with the courts. So, you’re in a better position than she is. Again, what I think he’s trying to say is that that other idiot that wants to marry her take advantage of that and try to claw some money back.
I thanked him and left his office. And no matter how heartbroken I was and how devastated I was, I think that was what he told me, it started to resonate and make sense. There was no point trying to find it. There was no point trying to get her to change her mind. There was no point in doing anything. So, all I needed to do was to try to come to some kind of agreement because she wanted to get divorced to marry this guy who apparently had a lot more money than I did. I sent her a message and said, “We need to meet to discuss the divorce.” Funny how quickly she responded to that one. I think the guy was with her since he was wanting to get married soon. Talk about going from one idiot to another. Who was the biggest idiot? I mean, I was. But if he had seen what had happened to me and he was prepared to play with fire, then I suppose more fool him.
We met up. We didn’t meet at the bar this time. I wanted it to be in a more normal setting. And I said, “What do you want?” She was just about to speak, but he was there, and he just said, “You need to divorce her right now.” “For what?” I asked him. “She doesn’t want to stay with you. You need to divorce her.” Then I said, “You are aware of how the law works here. I was trying to come across as being extremely knowledgeable. I’d spoken to the lawyer and I was speaking as if I’d known this for years, not that I’d just found it earlier on in the morning. It doesn’t matter.” He said, “You need to divorce her.” I looked at her and said, “Okay, I’ll divorce you, but I want half of the money I sent to you over the years, including the house, everything. I want half of it, and then I’ll divorce you, otherwise I won’t.” I know money, she said. And then he said, “She, you can’t do that. It doesn’t work like that.” He said, “That’s my offer.” I said, “Take it or leave it.” Then he said, “You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.” And grabbed her hand and walked away. I got to him, so that’s one thing, but I was just waiting to hear back with what they were going to do. I told him I need to leave for England soon, and I wouldn’t come back for a long time, and you don’t have any grounds for a divorce because I’ve not done anything wrong. You’re the one who did something wrong, so you’d need to let me know soon.
I didn’t send a message again because I was waiting to hear from them. And 3 days later, when I was actually in a bar talking to another girl, understanding that there are so many more girls than just one in the world, I did get a message saying, “You can have 200,000 baht if you divorce.” I saw that as a good sign that they’d spoken to a lawyer and understood what the situation was. I just responded saying, “No way. That’s not enough.” Immediately, one came back, 300,000. I responded, “If you send me any more insulting offers, I’m going to leave.” I was really scared when I was sending that, thinking that am I doing the right thing. I said, “I need at least a million.” They sent one back saying 600,000 and that’s the final offer. It can’t be anymore. I thought about it and while that wasn’t even close to half of everything, it was still an amount of money that I wouldn’t get back otherwise. But I thought about it for a while and I thought I’d try for a little bit more. I said 750,000. That’s my final offer. And there was a response very quickly saying, “Agreed. Tomorrow at the district office, we’ll bring the witnesses.” I responded saying, “Fine, but you better have the cash ready.” I was trying to act like the sort of person I never was. I was never that confident, but this way I was going to get a little bit of money back. So, I went along with it and tried to play the part. The next day comes around and we went to meet them there. He had the cash to witness us. And 30 minutes later, we divorced and I had 750,000 baht back cash in my bag. I was no longer married. I’d lost a lot of money. But at least I was out of her spell.
A New Beginning
I actually felt a lot better than I thought I would. But it was just the understanding that there were so many more girls around. Why was I drawn to just one? I got some money back, so that was one thing. But that made me think that she must have been very good at convincing people that she was amazing because this guy wanted to marry her. even though I was married to her and she was doing that to me after I’d spent all that money. How did he compute that it was a good idea? I don’t know. But who am I to say anything? Because what I did was probably most stupid over years and years sending money to her thinking she was in the village when she was actually still working at the bar meeting guys like him. So, I was stupid and I still am.
I’ve been deciding whether I want to end this by telling what I’m doing at the moment. Everything to do with my ex-wife happened over 10 years ago, and I don’t know if I should tell you what is happening now. But I will anyway because this time I think I’ve done it right. I did retire to Thailand in 2022. I met a girl in one of the bars in Pattaya and I got married to her in 2023. We’ve already built a house in the village and we’re living there right now, following the dream I always had. She is 29 years younger than me, but it doesn’t feel like it’s a big difference. I’m very happy in my retirement and I expect this to last.
So, I do think you can be successful in relationships in Thailand, but I wouldn’t advise long-distance relationships because of what happened to me. Although I was in my late 40s when that happened, I felt like it helped me to grow up in a way that I still hadn’t done at that age. It made me care about myself more than I did before. And it meant that when I found another relationship, it was going to be one that I was confident would succeed. I wouldn’t do anything that would mean that I was fully reliant on her. Okay, we have the house in the village. Yet, if the worst came to the worst, I would just have to move to a small rented place, but I could still have my retirement.
So, this is a story of growing up way too late, doing stupid things, and learning that not everybody has your best interests at heart. It was a difficult time and I want to know more about anything. What happened to her and that Swedish guy that she married? I don’t know what happened to them. I will leave it up to you to decide who the biggest idiot was, me or him. I would have to say me.
