A Regretful Divorce In Thailand

I really regretted it after we got divorced. I felt like it was my fault because I decided to put my dignity in front of being able to stay with the lady that I loved more than anything in the whole world. We’d been together for 5 years. I met her in a bar on LK Metro in Pattaya when I was 51 and she was 22. And those 5 years were the best of my life, at least until everything went so badly wrong. We built a house in her village, bought some land, had a few pigs, and I couldn’t believe how happy I was with my life.

After we’d been together for slightly under 4 years, at my wife’s insistence, I invested absolutely everything I had into a cattery in our area, thinking we’d hit it big. But the thing was, we never did. My wife had always loved cats, and we got our own little bundle of joy. After we moved into our house, we decided once that we wanted to go away. However, there was nowhere available close by to us where we could have had him adequately cared for. So, ultimately, we weren’t able to leave the area.

My wife convinced me that opening a cattery would make us a lot of money, and she also convinced me it would be the key to funding my retirement. And I believed everything she said and trusted her implicitly. When the business never took off, we were left with a really nice house in the middle of a very basic Isan village with no hopes of being able to sell it. And when everything went wrong and my money was gone, my wife blamed me even though she was the one who had me investing all my life savings into the cattery. Aside from our house, we had all the buildings that we constructed for the cattery, yet no actual money. I had a tiny amount of money left over and I hoped to be able to either find work online or get a job as a teacher.

And I was able to cash in a pension of mine early, but it meant instead of getting the full amount, I would only be getting $800 a month. I thought this was a start. I cashed it in. Yet, I found out that she cheated on me with a guy in the village that nobody would want. I feel like she did it just to spite me. And out of instinct, I got angry.

I became a bit physical, and we got divorced. But ever since then, I really regretted opening that cattery and not accepting that my wife was upset about things and I wanted to lash out. I wish I just overlooked what she did and tried to push through because the relationship was everything that I wanted until she cheated.

The thing was I really expected the cattery to be a big success. I felt like it was a bit of a curveball, so different to other businesses in the area that it was bound to succeed, but it didn’t and it was a huge regret. When I found out that she cheated, I was disgusted because the way she did it was so open and she wanted to show off the fact that she could find someone and I couldn’t.

Trying to Win Her Back

I was so sad and broken after what she did. So, we got divorced and she went straight back to work in a bar even though she owned everything I paid for. I told her I would go to Pattaya and try to win her back, but she only said that would make it worse.

I don’t understand how she could do the things she did. I don’t understand how she could be angry at me for helping her to follow her dreams. And I don’t understand how she could go back to work in a bar after everything that I’d done for her.

This is also me coming to terms with the fact that she had a spell over me when we were together and even after we got divorced. And I spent a whole year doing everything I could to try to win her back. I tried and I tried and I witnessed her doing so many things that made me feel physically sick, but I still persevered until something happened and it seemed to be good yet again.

However, after that, my world came crashing down for a second time. And I think it’s important for me to tell you what happened. While so many people move to Thailand and lose everything, it always seems to be the end of the story.

No one says what happens after the event. What happens after they got divorced and after they lost everything in Thailand when everything they had was under the control of their ex wife. This is what I did.

And while I admit now that I am out of her spell, what I did was quite absurd. It was as if I wasn’t actually doing it and I couldn’t help what I was doing. Though I hope I will get some sympathy because my life turned out so badly that I didn’t even know something like this would happen to anybody.

The Title Deed Problem

I made one of the biggest mistakes like I’d heard other people make. In Thailand, there are multiple different title deeds when it comes to the land. And while in a big city, and often in villages as well, a number of these deeds are sufficient and are easily transferable between people.

My wife was from a small village which was quite far out into the sticks. A lot of the title deeds in that area weren’t proper ones. They were something called sor kor kor which meant that it belonged to the family and it couldn’t be sold to anybody outside of the family.

It could be passed down and it could be farmed but not even technically built on but people still did. And our house was built on this land which meant that I couldn’t even try to take her to court for half of it. I wouldn’t have wanted to do that straight away because I wanted her more than the house, but it made everything very difficult for me.

In total, I did invest about $300,000 into her village. That was for the house and the cattery as well, and the car that she still owned, and the motorcycle that somehow found its way into the possession of her father. There was nothing I could do to try to get any of this money back. And while I hoped to be able to get back together with her and go back to live in the house together, regardless of what she was doing in the meantime, I knew I would have to be able to actually not get any money back. The thing was, I didn’t care about the money at that time.

Following Her to Pattaya

And after we did get divorced and she went back to work in a bar again, I did follow her to Pattaya and I rented a very tiny room as close as I could to central Pattaya. Because I only had $800 a month, that was what I was getting from my early cashed in pension, and I could have got quite considerably more if I’d waited for 3 years, but I didn’t see sense or reason. The place I rented was only 4,500 baht a month. It was one of those sorts of places where you had to pay extra money for the electric. So, I tried to ration my usage of the air conditioning. Although, that was a huge struggle because I wasn’t used to it. On that budget, I didn’t have enough to be able to go to the bars.

I didn’t have enough to pay for my insurance. So, that was something that I decided to forego for the time being. And I didn’t have any money left in the bank for my visa. I started out on an extension of stay based on marriage, but now we were divorced. I had to change that to a retirement extension. Luckily, in Pattaya, they had some dodgy people that work in immigration, and I found an agent that I could pay 20,000 baht to, and I would be able to get a retirement extension in a way that technically wasn’t allowed.

Don’t blame me. Blame corruption in immigration, but I was thankful that I was able to afford this and hoped that within the year that it was valid, we’d be back together and I could go back to a marriage extension somehow getting 400,000 baht from somewhere. I held out hope that she would sell the car because I spent over a million baht on that and it was still worth 700,000.

So, that was my plan. Other than my very cheap room, all I could spend money on was the very basics of Thai food. I couldn’t afford to go out for a drink.

I would buy a drink from 7 Eleven, but any hopes of going and having a good time were completely off the cards, as I was focused on trying to win her back. She went back to work in the same bar where I met her one of the go go bars along LK Metro. And it was one of those bars where there are girls up on stage, little circular numbers attached to the clothing, and that was how they were known in the bar.

I mean, if you wanted to speak to a girl, you would ask for her number and she would come and sit down next to you. I desperately wanted to go to the bar and try to get her to stop working there.

The First Visit to the Bar

After we got divorced, I stayed on in the house for 2 weeks as she left for Pattaya. She told me I could stay there until I wanted to leave, but she would never come back if I was there. And I spent those two weeks deciding what I would do. And I did decide that indeed I would go to try to win her back. During those two weeks, she was already working again. And that’s when I decided that I really needed her and I didn’t want to stay without her.

I don’t know if I was holding out hope that I would be able to live in this house together with her again. And because I’d invested all this money, this was the only thing that I could see myself doing that would allow me to live in Thailand, living a dignified life or if it was the fact that I desperately loved her or it could have been a combination of the two. After those two weeks, that’s when I went to Pattaya and found a place to live and found out which bar she was working at. I guess she’d been working there for 3 weeks. I’d been back in Pattaya for one week and she wasn’t answering every time I tried to call her. So that was the first time I went to the bar with a bit of money I’d saved up by not really doing anything for the whole week since I rented that place and moved to Pattaya again.

When I walked inside, I saw her immediately. My heart dropped as I saw her up on the stage. And just as I sat down and ordered a drink, she noticed me and she didn’t seem to be very pleased that I was there. I continued to just stay there and watch her, hoping that she would come down and talk to me. And that’s when I ordered another drink and waited for the mamasan to come over again so I could ask her to tell my wife to come and sit with me. I thought if I bought her a drink, she wouldn’t have a choice.

But before I could do that, I noticed her get down off the stage and go and sit next to this Korean guy at the other side of the bar. He bought her a drink, and I’m shaking because I’m so upset at what I’m seeing. She was meant to be my beautiful wife. She was meant to be my forever wife. And there she was sitting next to this Korean guy in the bar. I got the attention of the mamasan and said to her, “She used to be my wife.

I want her to come and sit with me. Is there any way you can remove her away from him? And she went over and whispered something in her ear and came back and said, “She doesn’t want to talk to you.” I just hoped that guy would leave soon. But the worst thing ever happened when she left for 5 minutes, came back with full clothing on and her bag, and they left the bar together. When she left, she turned and looked at me in the most cruel way possible.

And I was heartbroken that she had done that to me. I just sat there completely frozen in time, trying not to imagine what she was doing, and I paid my bill and left because I didn’t have very much money. I had to go back to my room after stopping off at 7 Eleven and getting the cheapest whiskey available there to try to numb the pain. When I woke up the following morning, I knew that I needed to continue this. I knew that she must still have some feelings for me because we built the house, we did the cattery together, we went away together to beautiful islands, we had an incredible 5 years together until everything went wrong. Surely she must hold out some feelings for me still.

Living on a Tight Budget

The problem was $800 was nothing. After spending $200 for the room and electric, I was only left with 600, which gave me about 500 baht to spend a day. Three drinks in that bar was close to 500 baht, though it was a question of waiting and hoping to save a bit of money to go back and see her again.

I tried to call her every day. However, she never really answered. And I went back to the bar about 4 days after the first time just hoping to be able to talk to her and see what I could do to make everything better. The problem was that when I arrived, she was already talking to a guy, and she left with him as well. I’m getting more and more destroyed because I’m still under her spell and I want to be with her.

A Glimmer of Hope

Three days later, though, something very strange happened. She said she needed to talk to me about something and would it be okay if we met up somewhere. I felt really relieved that it seemed like she’d finally come to her senses. I agreed to meet up with her at a place that sold mu kratha, and I wondered what she was going to say. I arrived and she was already sitting there by herself, which made me feel better. I was quite concerned she was going to bring a friend with her, which would have made this very uncomfortable.

She didn’t look very happy though when she saw me. But I was so happy to see her. And I just said, “Thank you for agreeing to see me. I really want to get back together and I want to sort this out because I really hate seeing you in the bar. I told her I had a small amount of income and I would be happy to find work online or even get a job as a teacher to top this up and we could go back and live in our house together and get married again. She knew I was hooked on her.

She knew she could get away with anything. And what she said was she doesn’t really know. She understands that I love her and she understands that if I go into the bar and see her, I might feel bad. But she said she needed to make money because she had commitments up in the village which were important. She said she’s making okay money at the moment, but something important has come up and she doesn’t have enough money to cover it. Would it be okay if I helped her out with 10,000 baht and if I could then she would think about getting back together?

She asked where I was living and said, “After we’ve eaten, let’s go back to your place and just relax. If you don’t mind helping me out, I’ll be very grateful for that, but I can’t stop working in the bar now, but if we can get enough money, then maybe I will.” I felt like that was a glimmer of hope that she actually cared about me. I just thought she was very upset and angry about what had happened and she was in the bar just to make money, not despite me. But the problem was I didn’t have 10,000 baht available. I probably had 3,000 baht to my name, but I knew whatever happened, I needed to make this possible.

She’d already taken off her wedding ring, and I had my wedding ring in my wallet, and it was made of gold. At the time, gold was worth about 20,000 baht for one baht of gold, which is how much my ring weighed. And if I pawned it, I should be able to get enough money to give it to her. The problem was, we were quite late in the evening, and I didn’t know if there were any gold shops open. So, I said, “I’ll give you the money if you can wait until lunchtime tomorrow. She said, “Okay.

And she started to warm up a bit and smile, and we had a great meal together. Then, we went to 7 Eleven to get some drinks and went back to my room where she became my dream girl all over again. I thought we were getting back together. I really thought that she wanted to get back together with me. And if I could show her that I would be able to look after her, everything should be okay.

The Pattern Continues

The following morning, I said I was going to go to the ATM, but I went to a gold shop, pawned that ring, got 15,000 back cash, kept 5,000 to one side, and went back and gave 10,000 to her. When I gave it to her, I said, “Why don’t we go back up and live in our house? I can look after you. I will get work. I’ve got my pension now, and everything will be okay. But as soon as I gave her the cash, she just smiled like a really cruel type of smile, saying, “I’ll think about it, but I need to go back to the bar. The worst thing I said though was, “What about if you work there and you can stay here with me? I was actually willing to accept that, but she just said, “No, I will stay with my friend.” Now, I’d just pawned my ring and I didn’t know how I was going to be able to get it back.

I tried to pull myself together and I started applying for online work on a freelancer website that I was introduced to by my son from my first marriage. It took me a while, but I managed to find work which didn’t pay a lot of money. But because I spoke fluent English, which is what they wanted, I was able to take that, earning about $1,000 a month, which made a big difference. This was about 2 weeks after she spent the night with me, and I’m thinking that I’m getting closer to being able to be with her again. I hadn’t seen her during those first two weeks, but I knew she was at the bar. And when I got my next pension payment, I went to get the ring back, which left me with not very much money, but just enough to be able to go to the bar. And I was looking forward to getting my first payment from the job in a week’s time because it was paid every week. I went back to the bar and this time she was on stage and there were actually no other customers in there and she agreed to come down and talk to me. I was buying her drinks and she was just behaving like she didn’t really know me and I felt really hurt because I loved this girl so much.

She refused to leave the bar with me, saying that one of her regulars was coming that evening and she would make more money. And because she was quite cruel, she said what this regular was and what he looked like. And I’m not someone who is racist at all, but you know, if someone is described in a particular way, you sort of understand what she’s trying to get at. And that made me feel sick to think about because she was a very small and petite individual, which was one of the reasons I loved her in the first place, but to think of what she was talking about, it was awful. I had to leave completely deflated. And I didn’t know why. I just didn’t give up. I mean, I should have done, but I didn’t because all I’m thinking about is living in the house together with her again. And I think she’s coming round to the idea on the one hand when she’s wanting money from me.

And when it doesn’t seem to be that she needs money, she’s behaving like this. I think she must have really hated me. But I didn’t latch on to that fact that she must have hated me. I just thought she must be feeling bad and she’ll feel better soon. And I persevered through all this degradation. When I started my work, it was something that actually took my mind off her for a change.

Although it wasn’t very fun to do that, the fact that I knew I would be able to at least stay on in Thailand until she changed her mind made me comfortable and not too concerned anymore. I was able to turn on my air conditioning more, which meant I was able to sleep better, and that made me start feeling better about myself. I hadn’t been back to the bar for a whole week when I was working. But on the last day of that week, she called me again saying she wanted to meet me again. I was so happy again and even took time off work because I was working evening shifts to go and meet up with her and this time there was yet another problem. She just said she’s really sorry about this.

She said she doesn’t think I understand how much money she needs to be able to send to her family because there were so many commitments that she was already paying for when we were living there and she just can’t stop doing it. She knows I don’t have enough money to give her what she needs. She said she needed 40,000 baht a month, which was insane thinking about it really because people who work normal jobs who are university educated sometimes don’t earn that much. Many times don’t even earn anywhere close to that. So how she needed that to support a rural family, I have no idea.

Working to Stay in Pattaya

But she said I can’t give that to her, so that’s why she’s in the bar. So don’t feel bad about it, she said. I told her, “I feel so bad about it, especially after you’ve had a few drinks and the things you say to me and the things you make me think about. I get really upset about it. And the thing is why she said she was sorry and she didn’t mean it. But then she has a drink and she can’t help it.

At least that’s what she said. But the reason for this meeting again was money. While she was making money from the bar sometimes, it wasn’t enough, she said.

And she needs another 10,000 for something. And she said she’d be really happy if I could help. And let’s go back to my room.

I told her I was working and I was doing this work so I had a chance to be with her. So, if you’re okay to listen to me working for the next 4 hours and stay there, then okay, I’ll go in the morning and get the money. It would mean that I would have to pawn my ring yet again and give her 10,000.

But just being able to spend the night with her was what I wanted to do and should hopefully get her to understand that we were made for each other. The sad thing was though, she didn’t want to do anything with me that night. She just said something again that made me feel sick, saying something about the night before.

And well, I don’t want to be too crude here, but she did stay with me. And I went and pawned my ring again and said to her, “If I can somehow get together 40,000 a month, will you stay with me? And she said she would think about it. And then she left and went back to the bar.

The Depths of Desperation

I really know I’m sounding like the world’s biggest simp. I was never like this until I met her. I was never a guy who would lose his senses for a girl. While I had a previous marriage back in my own country and I had a son from that marriage, I was never like this. Perhaps I was the opposite of this and that’s why that relationship failed because I was always wary about giving too much and getting too little. And it seems in this relationship in Thailand, I’d taken things the exact opposite of that. And I know it’s stupid and I know I’m sounding stupid, but the heart wants what the heart wants, regardless of how insane the situation is. She was my everything. She was the key to me being able to stay long term in Thailand. She was the key to being able to have the girl of my dreams. She was the key to being able to live my life the way I wanted to live my life until the end of my life. I kind of thought without her, my life was completely meaningless.

Without her, what I wanted to do was impossible. Yet, I didn’t take a small step back to understand that now I was earning a little bit of money, $1,000 a month, and I had my pension of $800 a month. So, if I just forgot about her, I would be able to stay in Thailand on that amount of money and move ahead with my life. But the thing was though, I saw her as being the only thing that would allow me to stay in Thailand, and I loved her more than I ever loved anything. So, it was a combination of so much craziness in my mind that I will never understand why I kept pushing and pushing trying to be with her while she was doing all these things and telling me what she was doing in a way she knew would hurt me. Yet, anytime she wants a little bit of money that she’s not able to get from somewhere else, she’s coming to me and I’m okay with it. I understand I’m probably going to be judged for this. I know I’m going to be judged for this and probably ridiculed as well. And I guess I really deserve that.

But when you’re in a position like this and there’s nothing you can do about how you feel and the only thing you can do is keep going hoping that what you want so badly will happen. You don’t see sense and you don’t see reason. This could happen to anybody, not just me. And the people who say anything negative towards me are going to be the people who perhaps could see something like this happening to themselves too. So I really don’t want to see anyone calling me a simp even though I get it. I could look at that and understand it, but I didn’t intend for this to happen. I didn’t intend to allow her to have this over me. It was just how things worked. When I thought very briefly about completely forgetting about her, it made me feel a sense of dread like I’d never felt before, and I didn’t want to feel like that.

Then I thought, maybe I’ll get her back, and I calmed down, and I felt better, and I hope to be able to spend the rest of my life with her. All I could think about was trying to get back to a state of income where I could give her what she needed. I wanted her. If I had her, when it came to anything else in my life, I had no desire for it. I don’t need to go and eat a nice meal. I don’t need to go and buy myself nice things. I don’t need anything apart from her. That made me think, if I can make about 70,000 baht in a month, she can have 40,000. We can live in our house.

I can pay for my insurance again, and I’ll have enough money for my visa. And that should be good enough. This is my reasoning. This is what I’m thinking to myself about. And I’m working towards this and hoping it’s going to happen. I hoped so much it was going to happen that I kind of expected it to because I kept doubling down every single time and I couldn’t stop myself. So, you have to please understand that. It’s been about 6 weeks since I arrived in Pattaya. I’d seen her two times since then and giving her 10,000 baht each time.

And I started to think that the only reason that we weren’t together was because of money. I just thought if I could get more money, then she would want to be with me again. And I started to convince myself that she actually loved me and she was just doing this because she wanted to protect me from losing my money by being there. I think maybe she thought that this is what I’m thinking at the time and as I’m moving ahead. Not what I understand now, of course but I thought that she actually loved me and she was trying to get me to change my mind about her so I could be free from her spell and I could leave Thailand and try to rebuild my life because I would have had more chance of being able to do that at home. So, I thought anytime she was cruel or showing off about what she’d been doing to make me feel bad, that she was just saying to me, “I love you so much. Leave. Everything would be better if you went back home and you can get your life together and I will be okay. It’s crazy how the mind works, how your mind tries to convince you something that’s clearly not the case. But I wanted to continue pursuing this because I loved her and she loved me.

Waiting for Her to Return

I went back to the bar again. She wasn’t there. I asked the mamasan and she said she left with someone the previous day and she’s gone somewhere with him for a few days, so it could be a while before she got back. That made me feel very sad and I forced myself back to the bar every day just hoping that she would be back soon. And it was 4 days after when she was there. I’m not working properly at this time and I’m struggling to keep that job because I’m focusing so much on her.

And when I finally saw her again, I got her to come over and bought her a drink and ask her what’s going on. I gave you money before. I thought we’re moving closer to being together again. And she just said she was working and she needed to make money. I had just got a salary payment for the week, still managing to work, but just not very well. And I said, “I’ll give you 10,000 baht and we just spend a week together and see if we can get back to how we used to be.

She agreed, saying she would try and let’s see how we feel. The thing was that week felt like we were back together and back to normal again. It felt like we were our old selves. We didn’t really do much. I was working. She stayed with me all the time.

And she was exactly like I remembered her being. I thought we were back to normal. I thought this was the first step to being a couple again. When the end of the week came, I got my salary and was able to give her another 10,000, saying, “Okay, if I can give you 10,000 more, you’re going to stay with me for another week and we can try to continue this. I knew that was all the money I was working for, and my pension could cover everything for myself, but she said no. She said she met someone in the bar before and he was just coming back to Pattaya in 2 days’ time because they were going to go somewhere together.

So that was already arranged. So she said she couldn’t stay with me for another week. But she always made me hold out some hope that this relationship could continue. And as bad as I felt when she told me what she said, I kind of just hoped that she would get bored and come back to me. And although I was upset, I couldn’t do anything about it. Even though I did beg her saying, “Please, let’s get back together.

But she just said, “Let’s see.” I guess she was just using me like she was using everybody else, taking advantage of the feelings that I had for her when it was her best option. Yet when it wasn’t, she would be somewhere else. This continued for the whole year after I left for Pattaya. I’m still working, seeing her occasionally, hoping things are going to get back to normal, and then she goes and does something, and I get upset again, and it’s like I can’t do anything about it.

COVID Brings Her Back

But we had just moved into 2020. We all know what happened in 2020 and when the country closed down and no tourists were coming in and the bars are not receiving customers and then they’re closing down as well. She was the one that came to me and said, “I think I feel a little bit better now. Would it be okay if we stayed together again? She told me that she’d always loved me. She’d always had feelings for me, but she was very upset after the business failed. And also, she said I wasn’t clear about what I had. She said she wouldn’t have asked me to do the business if she’d known that I was using my last savings for it. She said we could have saved that money and been okay together. I know I didn’t tell her how much money I had at the time.

And I know that when she told me she wanted to do a business, that this was a chance that it could fail, but making her happy and seeing that cattery being constructed and how excited she was about it, that made me forget about the fact that I didn’t have much money. I just continued. She told me when she found out that I didn’t have any money left, she was very angry with me because if I told her, we wouldn’t have done the things we did and we could still be living happily in the village. She said she was sorry that she went back to the bar, but she hated me at that time and she thought that if she went back to work in the bar, I would leave and she could forget about me. She said although she’d done not nice things to me, although she tried to make me feel bad, she said she’s actually feeling better now and she actually loves me. And she said she was sorry about everything and she said she wanted to get back together with me. I didn’t think that this was a very opportune time for her to do this because all of a sudden she can’t work in the bar now because there are no tourists coming in and COVID’s happening. I just thought that COVID happening was the best thing ever because it brought her back to me. I was delighted when she said this.

I always thought if you persevere at something finally things will come good. And I persevered for a whole year, witnessing countless things that she did that haunt me even to this day. But it felt like that perseverance was worthwhile because finally we were back together. I asked her if she could get married to me again because I just paid another 20,000 baht for a dodgy retirement extension and she said she would love to get married again, but let’s wait until everything gets back to normal. And that sounded great to me. I thought that we would be together forever after this and I started to actually feel happy again. Because of that, I started thinking about finding more work online, finding better work, making more money, and then we could stay together at our house and everything should be fine. She said she didn’t really need 40,000. She said that the things that she had to pay for before had actually finished being paid for, and the things now meant she only needs 20,000.

But she also said, “Let’s just try to save money together, and everything should be okay.” After we spent about 3 weeks together in Pattaya when the country was closed down, we decided that we could go up and live in the place that we built instead of renting. I was renting this place, but now we could go back to live in our house. She had the car with her in Pattaya and she brought it to the place I was renting and she was very proud of that car, I could tell. So, we drove it together back up to the village and it was just like old times. It was just like we were together again, just like how it felt when we lived there. And everything felt like it had finally come good. When we got back up to the village, it was clear that my wife had no money. I had my pension and what I earned from that job, which I’d somehow managed to keep, and that was enough for us to be able to live on.

We’d only been back up there for a month, and my wife had been out. And look at me calling her my wife, even though we weren’t married. But at the time, I was so convinced we were going to get married again that I thought about her as my wife in everything apart from on paper. So, forgive me for calling her my wife. But she’d been out and I hadn’t given her anything. And then she came back with a lot of shopping, a load of groceries, she’d filled the car with petrol, and she’d bought some things for the house.

I guess she must have spent about 15,000 baht for everything, but I don’t know where she got that money from. I asked her saying, “Where did you get that money from? I told her I didn’t mind. She could tell me anything because I knew what had happened before. And I kind of thought that someone must have sent it to her.

The Relationship Reopens

I told her, “You might as well just tell me” and then we can make sure that we work things out together which will be better for both of us. I think she saw something in that and said the guy who she spent time with before when she stayed with me for a week and she couldn’t stay any longer. She said he really liked her and sometimes he sends money to her. He just sent her $500 and that’s what she used to buy all these things. He said, “Don’t worry about it. We stay together. We get married soon. Don’t worry. I did notice it was very often my wife would leave saying she’s going to go and see her family.

So, I just guessed she was probably speaking to this guy, and I didn’t really think too much. If she’s just speaking to him, then there’s no harm in that. Perhaps she’s done things with him before, so it’s not something I had to accept. But if she’s just speaking to him now, then there isn’t any harm in that. I didn’t try to push back. I’m just so happy to be with her again in this position. So happy that I feel like we’re going to get married again. And I finally think our lives are getting back on track. I might not be retired anymore.

I might be working and I might not really have much hope of ever not working again, but I was with her, so that was all that mattered. I didn’t really pick up on anything when I was with her. Things that I look back on and think, how did I not see it for what it was? For example, we would only sleep in the same bedroom when I’d given her money to go and do shopping or to buy things. But if we were short on money, she would say she wasn’t feeling well and she would sleep in the spare bedroom. I just wanted her to feel happy and comfortable together with me. I wanted to give her her space when she needed it, just because I didn’t want to ruin what we had. I felt so lucky that we were together again that I didn’t see it for what it was. Even though to anybody from the outside it was obvious what it was, but to me this was me getting back together with the love of my life.

One thing happened that I got very upset about. I mean, I was very furious even though I wanted to control myself and not be. It was close to the end of 2020. I’d just paid for a lot of bills and I didn’t have any money until my next weekly payment was due, which was actually in a whole week’s time. We had food in the house that we could eat and we could be okay, but no money was going to come for another week. She said something very important had happened and she desperately needed some money for whatever it is that she needed it for. But I told her, “I don’t have any right now. You have to wait a week. She was getting most of all the money I was earning.

I don’t know what she did with it. And that’s the thing. What did she actually do with all this money? It wasn’t a lot of money, but what did she need it all for? I will never really know, but she needed this money and it was very urgent and it was 10,000. I told her I didn’t have the money. I told her, “We’ll get some money in a week and I’ll probably get about 10,000 then, so I’ll give it all to you. Don’t worry, just wait and you can have it. But she said she can’t wait.

It’s important. I thought about going to pawn my ring, but the thing was the gold shop I could do that from was a long way away because there weren’t any in the village. And also, at this point, it was the weekend and it would have been a few days before I could do it. Anyway, I told her, “I can give it to you on Monday if you can wait for that. I’ll go and take my ring and I’ll borrow the money for it. And I even had my ring back on and she just said, “Don’t worry about it.” and got a bit angry and then went to the spare bedroom. I just tried to forget about it and get on with the day, not thinking that what I’m doing is very unsustainable. I just wanted to be with her and I went to bed.

The Awakening

I was usually a very deep sleeper. I always slept throughout the night and woke up in the morning. But this night, I woke probably around 2:00 a.m. and I was feeling thirsty. So, I went out of the bedroom and walked downstairs to the fridge. I noticed there was a light on in the spare bedroom, so I thought my wife might still be up. Again, she’s not my wife, but I thought she was going to be, so I thought I would pop in and make sure she was okay after I had a drink. So, I had a drink of water, went upstairs, and I didn’t knock. And I mean, I should have done probably, but I opened the door, and she was very angry when I opened it. She was on a video call and she was just let’s say doing something. She immediately turned off the video call and started shouting at me. “Why are you coming in my room? What I do to you?

And I started shouting at her. “Who are you speaking to? Why are you doing like this? I thought we were together again. It’s okay. One thing to get money, but to actually do something like this, what are you doing? She just said it was that guy, and if she could do like this, he would help her with some money. So, what’s the problem? I saw it as a huge problem. And I was furious and I stormed out. I’d calmed down by the morning and went to talk to her, but she didn’t really want to speak, saying, “Why did you come in? And I just said I was sorry.

As long as there’s nothing between you and him, then I’m sorry. I can’t believe how desperate I was because it was obvious that she didn’t love or respect or care about me. But I just thought she did because we were now living together again and I was happy. But she was doing that with that guy who was sending money to her. And I just thought I need to make some more money so that we can put an end to this once and for all. I started looking for more online work but at the time it was quite difficult because many people were looking for online work but I did have a good rating from the job I’d done previously or the one I was still doing at the time. I don’t know how I managed to get a good rating because there were many times when I didn’t show up, but I had and I just kept persevering trying to find something else that would pay a little bit more money or even something else on top of what I was already doing that could make all the difference. My wife eventually came around and started sleeping in the bedroom again. This is after a few weeks after I caught her speaking to that guy and that was starting to feel like she finally understood that she was better off by just staying together with me. After about a month of persevering, I managed to find another job which was in a different time zone, which meant I could do two jobs at once. One was for 6 hours a day, the other was for 8. So, I was working now 14 hours a day, but I was making more money because of it, and everything seemed to be falling right back into place, exactly like I hoped it would.

My wife was being like I remembered her being. We’re spending our time together now, and I don’t think she’s speaking to that guy, but there’s no way for me to actually really know. I’m helping her with money she needs and we start talking about getting married again. The plan was to get married as soon as the country opened up properly. We were in early 2021 at this moment. I’m finally starting to feel like my years of persistence and perseverance have paid off and I’m starting to feel happy again. Finally, I’m making a little bit more money. I’m not really able to save much, but what I’m earning, even though I’m working a ridiculous amount of hours every day, it is enough to be able to pay everything that we need to pay for and to be able to keep my wife happy, which is so important to me. And also to be able to think about the future for a change and how our life will be together as time progressed.

I’m starting to feel happy again for the first time in such a long time. And I’ve completely forgotten about everything that my wife has done ever since we got divorced. She’d worked in that bar for a long time. She’d been away with guys. She’d spoken to that guy, received money from him. But she did say that she’d stopped speaking to him and getting money from him ever since we started being good together again, which made me feel very happy. As time goes by, I wasn’t really noticing the passage of time because I think about it, I felt like I was a robot as opposed to an actual person with the amount of work I was doing. This wasn’t exciting work. It wasn’t fun work.

It was boring. It was dull. And it was menial. And it was a type of work that really makes your mind fall asleep as opposed to feel alive. And I was just going through the motions of this because when I wasn’t working, she and I seemed to be good together. I had to do another dodgy retirement extension as well because I didn’t have the money in the bank for that. I didn’t even have enough money for a marriage extension, even if we were married, which we weren’t. But I did hope to be able to get that money from somewhere when we were married and then we could start staying in the country a lot easier.

Believing the Relationship Was Repaired

I’d got to the point where I felt 100% secure in the knowledge that we were going to get married. 100% secure in the knowledge that she actually loved me and she was sorry about everything she’d done. And 100% secure in the knowledge that I would be staying in Thailand for the rest of my life because I’d found a way to make a little bit of money to make that a reality.

I was finally starting to feel happy again. Finally starting to feel like it was all worth it and the fact that we were living in a really great house in a great part of the country. That was the icing on the cake.

My wife started talking about the cattery, not to do it again, but she said maybe we can rent out those buildings to people and then we’re starting to think about long term. Perhaps she was just using that as something to talk about for herself, not for me. But when she said that, it gave me more confidence that we were moving in the right direction and things were going to be great between us, which is all I ever wanted.

Things to be great between me and my wife. Throughout 2021, there were people coming to the country again. Many had to do quarantine in order to be able to enter Thailand, and it felt very strange being in Thailand during that time because it was like you had the whole country to yourself.

The sad thing for me was though I was just working throughout the whole of it. We couldn’t travel to any parts of the country where there were no tourists. So I felt like while I spent time watching other people in Thailand at that time go around the country to all these places where there were no tourists.

I wish I could have experienced that because I was in Thailand at the time. But it didn’t make any difference because my sole focus was my relationship and it seemed to be getting better as time went by.

The Final Blow

I think it was around November 2021 when my wife said to me again, not my wife, but I thought she was going to be soon. She said, “Let’s go away to Pattaya for a week because we’ve not been anywhere for a long time. I had enough money to be able to afford that. And if it would make her happy, I was good with it. We jumped in the car and it felt great to be going away together somewhere and doing something together. And I was so excited to get there and just have a great time with her. I wasn’t expecting what happened when we were there to happen, which would be the moment when I finally understood what was going on. It would be a very cruel awakening, and it would also be the moment when I felt like my life was over and I was never going to get over what had happened because it hurt me so much. When we arrived in Pattaya, we checked into a cheap hotel.

It was quite wild seeing that place so quiet in comparison to how I’d seen it before, but places were open and it was quite surreal because it was such a long time since we were there last. I can remember feeling great when we arrived. I remembered arriving in Pattaya last time after we got divorced, picturing being back together with her again, picturing everything getting back to normal. And I felt like all that hard work and effort and all those hopes and dreams had finally paid off and come true. The first day after we arrived, we went for a walk on the beach, went to get a few drinks together, went to go for a nice meal because we’d saved up for this and it was going to be a special time. The following day, things went great again, and I couldn’t wait to enjoy the rest of this break with her and go back home and finally get married because that’s what the plan was. The day after this, however, she said she needed to go out and see some friends. Apparently, they’d just arrived back in Pattaya from their hometown, and they were going to have a little bit of a gathering, and I thought that sounded like it was going to be fun for her. So, go out and have a good time, and I’ll see you soon.

She left in the evening. I decided I would go out as well, go by myself for a few drinks, and kind of take it easy for a change, relax, and be happy about the fact that we were together again, and I could live in the house that I’d built. And I felt like I got my life back. I returned back to the hotel around 10:00 p.m. expecting her to arrive at about midnight, but she never showed up. I just thought she must be having a good time with her friends. So, I went to sleep expecting to be woken when she arrived back. But in the morning, I woke up and she wasn’t there. I gave her a call, but she didn’t answer. I thought she must have got drunk with her friends and gone to stay with them.

So, I just waited for her to call and for her to show up, but she didn’t. And by lunchtime, I tried to call her again, but she didn’t answer again. I went out thinking I would look for her. And as soon as I left the hotel, I realized that finding her would be basically impossible because I had no idea where she was. I did walk to the bar where she used to work and just hoped she would be there. But that was the type of bar that didn’t open that early anyway, and she wasn’t there. I walked around, but I couldn’t see her in any of the bars. So, I went back to the hotel and just waited. I tried to call her many, many times during this time, but again, she wasn’t answering.

But I just thought, well, she hadn’t been out and had a lot to drink for a long time, so perhaps it had hit her very hard, and she was sleeping in late at her friend’s place, and she’s going to get in touch with me soon. It was 5:00 p.m. when she called. Her number came up on my phone. I felt relieved when I saw it, and I kind of breathed a sigh of relief, and I said, “Hello. However, it wasn’t her on the other end of the phone. It was a guy speaking English, but he sounded like he had a French accent. He just said, “She doesn’t want to speak to you or see you ever again.

She’s with me now, and you can stop calling her.” I froze, thinking this must be some kind of cruel joke, saying she’s my wife, and we’re going to be getting married soon. What do you mean she’s with you? He said, “I’ve been sending her money ever since I saw her last, and we’ve been talking together ever since. And as soon as I got back to the country, we’re going to get married and she wants to get married to me and she doesn’t want to get married to you.” I told him I’ve been living with her at our house together and we’ve been living together as husband and wife. He just said she told him everything and she was doing that because she didn’t have any other options and he was okay with that because they agreed together that as soon as he got back, he would break it off with me and they would get married themselves.

The Truth Finally Comes Out

I completely lost it and started screaming down the phone, “Let me speak to my wife. Let me speak to my wife,” but he just hung up. I tried to call back 10 times and they didn’t answer. And I kept trying and trying and trying and eventually she did answer, thinking perhaps it might be better to speak to me. She just said, “I’m getting married to him. I love him. I don’t love you.” And I thought that I could love you again. And I tried my best, but it didn’t work, so you can forget about it and never call me again. If you call me again, I won’t answer.

She hung up and I went from being furious to extremely upset and I burst out in tears. It hit me so hard. Everything that I’d done trying to win her back, she was just using me because she didn’t really have another choice. And when it was possible for her to leave, she had left, and she had planned it out so well. And even then though, I thought I’m going to keep trying and she’s going to see sense. But after calling her for another 20 times and her not answering, the following day, I tried again. But that was when something hit me like, “Stop. Take a step back. This is ridiculous.

She’s already shown you who she is. She’s already showed you she doesn’t want you anymore and she’s used you too many times. I told myself if by any miracle she did come and spend more time with me, it would be because she didn’t have any other options at that moment in time. And I told myself it wasn’t worth it. I completely stopped calling her. And while I still had some things back up the house, I completely wrote them off. I should say that when my wife went to see her friends, she left a few of her clothes. So perhaps she wasn’t 100% sure if she was going to stay with that guy or not, but she decided she would. So all of a sudden, after all that time, I felt a sense of calm come over me.

And just like that, she wasn’t my whole world anymore. But it had taken so much money and so much heartache and so much effort for me to finally understand what the truth was. And I felt free. When I finally took stock of the situation, I started to feel a bit better about myself. Okay, I’ve got my pension. Okay, I’ve got this income that I’m making. Okay, I’ve got a little bit of a break at the moment, but I work a lot and I don’t have to give her any money anymore. There’s a chance that if I continue doing this, I’ll be able to save up enough money in a few years to be able to have enough money in the bank for my retirement extension. Then I can just work and work and work and maybe I’ll get to the point when I can work a bit less and a bit less and a bit less and maybe I’ll be able to retire again and I can stay in Thailand.

It’s been around 4 years since then and to have her out of my mind and out of my thoughts is the best thing to ever happen to me. She called me about 6 months after she’d stayed with that guy, saying she was sorry she had made a mistake and wanted to come back to me. And I was already completely over her by this point, but I thought I would have my last laugh and I told her to come to my place. In the morning, I told her to leave and that I never want to see her again. And that was the only time that I managed to beat her because she won every other time. She was cross about it as you’d expect, but I felt a little bit of relief because it was over. And while I don’t have much money and I’m still a long way from retiring again and I’m getting older, I do have my visa money, I do have my work, and as of now, I have my health. It just goes to show how feelings of love can blind you and make you do things that are so crazy that you shouldn’t even consider doing them. But I did those things thinking that she was everything for me.

But all she was was somebody who took everything from me without even caring or respecting me. I haven’t heard from her since then. But because she wanted to get back to me, I only assumed that it didn’t work with that guy. And where is she now? Maybe back in the bar. Maybe she found another idiot to take care of her. But I don’t care.

Life After the Betrayal

Don’t be like me. Your life is for you, not for anyone else.