$1,000 Showdown in Bangkok

Although I live in Chiang Mai these days and I’ve lived here for the last two years very happily. This story concerns one of my good friends Jake. We are both Australian, and this is his first visit to Thailand.

The year was 1980, and Jake was 29. He told me this story in the Sportsman’s Bar on Soi 13.

Jake was working in an industrial job in the late 1970s when he sustained a bad workplace injury. Whilst the injury was not permanent, it was serious enough for him to receive a generous workers’ compensation payment. Being based in Darwin in Northern Australia at the time, he decided to go to Singapore for a holiday and then on to Bangkok.

One afternoon, he was drinking at the old Singapore Jockey Club in Orchard Road when he fell into a conversation with a couple of English guys and an Irishman. They had a great time talking and carrying on. His new friends told Jake that they were going to Bangkok the next day and provided Jake with details of the hotel they would be staying at The Nana Hotel. They also told Jake that they drank at the Grace Hotel every day on the ground floor. They wrote down all of these details on a piece of paper so that Jake could look them up easily when he arrived in Bangkok the day after they came.

Jake arrived in Bangkok at the old Don Mueang Airport and caught a taxi to the hotel. When he arrived at the Nana Hotel, he was told by the receptionist that the hotel was fully booked for that day, but not to worry they would find him another hotel nearby and he could check in the next day. They would also organize the transport to the other hotel. This was okay with Jake, and he felt pretty good about it. He was also told that his friends were out, and he could see that the keys to their rooms were in their respective pigeonholes behind the reception.

The Grace Hotel and Miss World

After he had checked into another hotel, he decided to go to the Grace Hotel to see if his newfound friends from the UK were there. But when he arrived at the hotel, they were nowhere in sight. However, he liked the vibe of the place, and there were many beautiful girls inside.

Jake, being flushed with funds, was soon sitting down and ordering a drink. Not long after that, he was buying drinks for many of the ladies in the bar. He was having a great time and felt like he was the king of the world.

Then, maybe an hour later, a woman who he described as “Miss World” walked into the bar. She soon came over, and he bought her a drink. Somehow Jake got the message to the mamasan that he just wanted to spend time with Miss World, whose nickname was Pin, who was 21 years old. The mamasan came over to the table, said a few words in Thai, and then all the other ladies that he was drinking with promptly disappeared.

Jake and Pin made an instant connection and were getting on like the proverbial house on fire.

The Arabs Arrive at the Grace Hotel

Then, after a further 30 to 45 minutes, a hush fell over the room. Two Arab gentlemen in full traditional dress walked into the bar. They were preceded by two uniformed Thai bodyguards, both of whom demonstrated their ninja moves when they walked into the bar. The Arabs were brandishing two bottles of Johnny Walker Black Label.

There were two things that were real status symbols in Thailand in that era that you could buy but cheaper duty free back then. One was Marlboro cigarettes, and the other was Johnny Walker Black Label.

The Arab gentlemen scanned the room, and it wasn’t long before one of them set his sights firmly on Pin. The Arabs beckoned the mamasan to come over. A brief conversation took place. Next minute, the mamasan comes over and starts talking to Pin in front of Jake. It was an animated and quite loud conversation. Jake could not speak a word of Thai, of course, so he had no idea what was going on. He was still stunned at seeing two Arab gentlemen in full traditional dress, as he had never seen an Arab in person before.

It transpired that one of the Arab gentlemen was offering the sum of $500 US to, as Jake put it, “do it at the lemonade” with Pin. Pin was not happy about this situation and was very reluctant.

Upon hearing this, Jake said, “Stay with me, and I’ll give you $1,000.” That was big money back then.

A short while later, the mamasan returned to the table where Jake and Pin were drinking, and Pin advised her that she would be staying with Jake. There was a further animated discussion between the two of them. Eventually, the mamasan left and conveyed the news to the two Arab gentlemen.

The Arabs Leave the Bar

The Arabs got up in a huff, took their bottles of Johnny Walker, and, with the Thai security detail in tow, stormed out of the bar. But not before one of the Thai security men practiced his ninja moves in front of Jake as a sign of intimidation, I guess. The Arabs were used to getting their way and thought $500 would easily be enough.

Jake and Pin in Pattaya

Anyway, on the next day after a night of unforgettable aerobics with Pin, Jake met up with his Irish and English friends in the bar of the Grace Hotel. They told him that they were going to Pattaya the next day and again provided details of where they would be staying. Jake and Pin joined them, with Jake and Pin staying at a five star resort called the C and Bayshore which may still be there today.

Jake told me that he and Pin had a great time over the next two weeks and that he spent $10,000 all together. He told me that he saw Pin 2 years later, but she was completely different and not in a good way. He never saw her again after that.

I have only known Jake for about 4 years, but he and I have become very firm friends. He’s in his 70s now, and he still visits Thailand three to four times a year. He has traveled all around Southeast Asia, and he thinks there is no place quite like Thailand. So that is where he chooses to spend his holiday time except in April when it is too hot for him (and for most of us, I think).

Lately, he prefers to spend more time in Chiang Mai, where I live, than in Bangkok, and his days of going to Pattaya and Phuket are well and truly over. While he has been going to Thailand scores of times as a man about town, he has not heard of the Thermae which is simply incredible. And it just goes to show you that there is always something to learn about this wonderful place called Thailand, even if you have been here dozens and dozens of times before.

Story 2: The Tomboy Mistake and Two Wallets

My first trip to Thailand was to Patong, Phuket. It wasn’t long before I met some very kind and helpful expat Aussies from next door. I later found some expats that would come to my hotel for breakfast. One turned out to be a tourist policeman, a good friend to have later in the story. But between the aforementioned, I learned the ropes fairly quickly.

My hotel bar had two receptionists one day and the other night shift. On one of my nights mongering, I came back hungry to find the older woman Sue off work. I asked her if she would show me where I could find good seafood. She agreed, and that started a relationship that lasted a year.

I was on my second trip to Thailand and possibly a monger, it’s complicated. I just window-shop for the most part. So I landed in Bangkok for the first time in my life. The woman I met on my first day got me sick. I knew it was her because she had a nasal inhaler. She proceeded to bother me at my hotel until I left Bangkok. Luckily for me, I knew better than to give her any of my contact information. Thanks to her, I spent the rest of my two weeks sick and even a few days after I got back to America. The woman I was meeting from my first trip was not very happy with me.

The Tomboy Mistake in Pattaya

This is important in American English. “Tomboy” does not mean the same thing in American English. Tomboy in American means a woman who likes things most men typically do sports, trucks, and likewise. Tomboy in Thai means a woman who is the “man” of a female relationship. I didn’t know this.

I got to Pattaya for the first time already sick and went out for the night and eventually ended up on Soi 6 for the first time. I knew nothing about Soi 6 when I got there. I had a great time playing pool with the bar girls and drank heavily. After a few hours into the morning, I found myself in a tomboy bar. Not understanding the difference from the American meaning of tomboy and the Thai version, I met a woman with blue hair who told me she was a tomboy and asked me if I cared. Thinking she was the American type of tomboy, I replied, “No.”

She was very nice and entertaining. I ended up spending a few hours with her, and I can remember I could drink and was nowhere near my limit. The next thing I remember, I woke up fully dressed in a room I didn’t know. It turned out to be her room.

I quickly checked my wallet to find I still had the 700 Thai baht I remembered. I always carried two wallets in Thailand: one I keep in the hotel safe and one I use to go out for the night that never has much money in it. She or someone at the bar put something in my drink to put me to sleep, only to find out that I had very little baht on me.

I walked down from the room into the bar and proceeded to order another beer hair of the dog, and a few more. While sitting at the bar, the woman I came to see was walking down the street calling my name. I called her into the bar.

Always carry a Thailand-only wallet with you. Have two wallets for every trick.

Story 3: From Fish Out of Water to a Happy Marriage

My name is Martin. It’s a bit lengthy.

My journey to Thailand began in 2003 when I was 34 years old. My parents had visited Thailand in 2002 and suggested I take a trip there myself to experience the country’s beauty. So in late November 2003, I flew from Manchester and landed in Bangkok at around 4:00 p.m.

I hadn’t done any research beforehand and was completely unprepared and green as grass. My plan was simple: spend four nights in Bangkok, then head down to Pattaya for 2 weeks.

Overwhelmed in Bangkok

After arriving at my hotel, I unpacked, took a shower, and decided to go for a walk to grab some food. Having never tried Thai food before and unsure of what to expect, I spotted a McDonald’s and figured it was a safe option. While there, I got chatting with an Australian guy. I told him I just arrived in Bangkok and asked where I could go for a drink. He recommended Soi Cowboy, which was nearby, gave me directions, and off I went.

Being alone in an unfamiliar city, I felt nervous as I made my way to Soi Cowboy. When I arrived, I was greeted by lots of beautiful Thai girls calling out “Hello handsome man” and trying to pull me into their bars. Back then, I was shy and inexperienced, so the whole scene left me feeling overwhelmed.

I eventually found a bar with no girls outside and decided to go in. I was hot, sweating, and in desperate need of a cool beer and some air conditioning. The bar was quiet with just a few customers, no dancers on stage, and the atmosphere was calm, perfect for someone who just wanted to unwind. I ordered a Heineken and tried to gather my thoughts.

Suddenly, three petite girls took to the stage wearing absolutely nothing. One of them came over, sat next to me, and started chatting. Feeling completely out of my depth, I could barely manage a conversation. When she asked if I was interested in some aerobics, I politely declined, paid for my drink, and quickly left.

Now, most people might think, “What’s wrong with you? Surrounded by gorgeous girls and you ran away?” But for me, it was all too much and too fast.

I walked back to the end of Soi Cowboy and jumped on a tuk tuk to take me back to my hotel. The driver asked why I wanted to go back to my hotel so early as the night was still young. I explained that I had just arrived in Bangkok after a long flight and I needed to get some sleep. But the driver suggested I should relax with a nice Thai massage before going to bed, and this would help me relax. That sounded perfect, so I agreed.

The Soapy Surprise

After a short ride, we arrived at a posh-looking place with suited men at the entrance who welcomed me in. Inside, there was a glass screen with several girls in bikinis on display. A man asked me which I’d like to choose for my massage. I told him it didn’t matter as long as they were good at what they do. The man picked a lady for me, and she took me to a room for the massage.

The massage turned out to be far more than what I expected. On entering the room, I remember seeing an inflatable lilo on the floor and thinking, “What the heck is that for?” Well, without going into much detail and as I’m sure this was a body-to-body massage that involved lots of soap and ended with some unexpected aerobics. Better known as a soapy slide.

I left the establishment and returned to the awaiting tuk tuk, which took me back to my hotel. I arrived back at my room, collapsed onto the bed, and fell asleep. I woke up the following morning feeling that the previous night’s events had all been some kind of a dream and not reality.

Meeting Kung in Bangkok

I had breakfast in the hotel and then had a morning swim before heading out for a walk. I wandered into a bar where again girls kept approaching me and asking me if I would be interested in aerobics. This was starting to get annoying since I hadn’t come to Thailand for that.

Later that night, I found a quiet bar near the hotel that had a pool table and three girls in the bar. I played pool and got chatting with a lovely girl named Kung, who was 22 years old. She put me at ease and made me feel relaxed. We had lots of drinks, and she told me all about herself. By the end of the night, I was rather worse for wear, and she suggested that she walk me back to my hotel.

She asked if she could come to my room as she needed to use the toilet. I agreed, and she came to my room and entered the bathroom. Next thing, I could hear the shower running, and she returned from the bathroom wearing just a towel, saying, “Okay, I stay with you tonight.” I now wondered what the heck I had gotten myself into, and this wasn’t part of my plan.

I woke up the next morning to find Kung still beside me, and I was relieved to see that nothing in my room had been taken and that she was still with me. Kung soon woke up, and it wasn’t long before we engaged in what I can only say were the best morning aerobics I’d ever participated in.

After taking a shower, Kung suggested that we go for breakfast. We ended up having breakfast together, during which she asked if I could give her 3,000 baht as she was low on money. I agreed, and she even offered to pay for breakfast with the money I’d just given her. I declined and paid it myself.

Kung suggested we meet again later that night, but by then I was already thinking I needed to get out of Bangkok as I felt completely out of my depth. I called my hotel in Pattaya Cozy Beach and asked if I could check in early. They agreed, so I checked out of my Bangkok hotel and took a taxi to Pattaya.

Pattaya and Kev‘s Warning

I arrived in Pattaya at around 6:00 p.m. and checked into the hotel. Whilst I was standing outside looking at the sunset and taking in the beautiful scenery, I got talking to a guy who was stood by me called Kev. It turned out that Kev lived in Pattaya and managed a bar.

I told Kev what had happened to me in Bangkok and that I came to Pattaya earlier than expected because I felt like a fish out of water in Bangkok and felt that Bangkok was too full-on. Kevin laughed and said that Pattaya was Bangkok on steroids but not to worry, and that he would take me under his wing and look after me.

Kev was fantastic. He showed me around Pattaya, and he taught me the dos and the don’ts. I ended up having the time of my life.

A week into my stay, I met a beautiful bar girl named Pun, who was 25. Despite Kevin’s warnings that she was only after my money, I couldn’t help but fall for her. She treated me with care and attention, with fantastic aerobics, and the thought of leaving her broke my heart.

The Hospital Certificate

I was due to leave Thailand on the 14th of December 2003. Kev suggested that I extend my stay by going to the local hospital, telling them that I had an ear infection and that I felt I wasn’t fit to fly. Could this really pay off?

So off I went to the hospital, and I told the doctor that I had a pain in my ear, felt very dizzy, and was vomiting a lot. The doctor looked into my ear and somehow found that I had a very bad ear infection and, for the sum of 2,000 baht, wrote me a medical certificate to pass on to my insurance company stating that I wasn’t fit to fly for 7 days. I contacted my hotel insurance and faxed them the certificate, who then arranged for my flight to be changed an extra week at the hotel. Wow! I’ve now got an extra week to spend in Thailand with Pun.

We had a fantastic time together, and yes, I’d fallen in love with Pun.

The Script Begins in Udon Thani

When it was time for me to leave Thailand, Pun said that she loved me and didn’t want me to leave. We both got upset, and Pun said that she would leave Pattaya and return back to her family farm in Udon Thani if I could support her and send her some money. I agreed to this as I felt convinced she was genuine and in love with me.

When I arrived back in the UK on the 22nd of December, I was miserable. I had the worst Christmas and New Year ever and missed Pun terribly. I sent her £100 each week and kept in touch daily, convinced she was genuine. However, I also kept in touch with Kev, who kept warning me and saying I was being played.

3 months later, in March 2004, I booked a 2 week holiday back to Thailand. I didn’t tell Pun as I wanted to surprise her.

I arrived in Pattaya and called Pun and told her that I was now back in Pattaya. She sounded surprised but didn’t appear overly excited. She said that she would call me back and let me know when she could arrive in Pattaya to meet me.

Pun called me back soon after and said that her father would drive her down to Pattaya tomorrow and that she should arrive in Pattaya at around 2:00 p.m. the next day.

The Ex-Boyfriend Revealed

I received a call from Pun to say that she had arrived in Pattaya and was waiting for me at the hotel. I met Pun outside the hotel, who said that her father had gone down to the beach with her little boy, and could I give her 4,000 baht so she could give this to her father so he could find a place to stay for one night with her little boy and for fuel before returning back to Udon Thani. Something just didn’t seem right. Pun didn’t seem too overwhelmed to see me, and I had a bad feeling about things. I said that this was fine, but I wanted to give her father the money myself. Pun didn’t like this idea and said that her father would be embarrassed about taking money from me. I held my ground and said that I would only give him the money if he came to the hotel for it and I could give it to him myself.

The 4,000 Baht Warning

She finally agreed and called who she said was her father. A car pulled up outside with a young boy sat in the back and the driver, a male who was around the same age as me, 34. I asked Pun if this was her father, and she replied yes.

Well, considering Pun was 25 years old, it was blatantly obvious that this was BS. I told her that I was not that stupid to believe that this was her father and to tell the truth. She then said that this was her ex boyfriend and the father of her child, but they were no longer together.

It was hard, but I said, “Very well then, get back in the car with your ex boyfriend and return to Udon Thani.” I handed her 1,000 baht and told her that was for fuel to return home and that I no longer wanted to see her. I then walked back into the hotel.

She was shouting in Thai at me as I walked back into the hotel. She tried to follow me into the hotel, but the security guards stopped her. This was the last I ever saw of or heard from Pun again.

I was upset by what had happened but pleased in some way as it was a valuable lesson learned. I should have listened to Kev in the first place. I continued the rest of my holiday meeting up with Kevin, meeting many other nice girls, and having a wonderful time.

A Happy Ending in Thailand

I continued to return to Thailand at least three times a year. Then back in 2007, I took unpaid leave from work in the UK to complete 6 months‘ voluntary work at an orphanage in Northeast Thailand. It was here I met a wonderful Thai lady named Yup. She was 25 years of age at the time and was the cleaner at the orphanage.

After some difficulty, I finally managed to get Yup a tourist visa for her to travel and to stay with me in the UK for 6 months. Yup got pregnant during this time. She returned to Thailand after 6 months, and 3 months later she gave birth to a baby boy in Thailand with me present. We ended up getting married in Bangkok, and after securing visas and a passport for the baby, we all returned back to the UK.

I am now 55 years old and Yup is 42. 17 years on, we now have a 16-year-old boy, and Yup has British citizenship. We have traveled the world together and are still very much in love and happily married.

Story 4: The Isan Hostess and Red Flags

This story happened in March 2022 with a girl I will call Me, not her real name. We met on Tinder about 90 to 100 days before I arrived in Thailand. She is from one of the northern towns in Isan. I believe she was 23, about 5’2″, and fairly slim. She had a son, was divorced, and owned a home which should have been red flag number one.

I flew out, and she took the bus to Bangkok to meet me at the airport so she can check into the hotel since I won’t be arriving until about 10:30 at night. We meet at the airport, and she looked amazing. That night she showed me that if Connect 4 was an Olympic sport, she was a gold medal athlete.

We head out to Jomtien and stayed in one of the hotels across from the beach. It was a really beautiful view and nice to see the ocean while I had breakfast. We enjoyed the regular sights like Koh Larn and went to the malls.

One of the red flags I missed was she wanted to go to Walking Street. We went to one of the freelancer bars and watched a super drunk Indian guy grinding with a ladyboy. I’m not sure if he was aware of who he took home, but it was definitely entertaining. We met a girl from her small Isan province working at the bar who had an American boyfriend and a few sponsors. I won’t lie, at one point I thought this was going to be a situation where they’d both come back to the hotel for a game of Connect 4 Aerobics.

The night ended with me and her going back to the hotel and enjoying the rest of the night.

Hua Hin and Hidden Red Flags

The next few days we talked about our lives, and I realized pretty quickly she was a bit too dull for me to want to be in a relationship with. But we still had plans to visit Hua Hin and then Bangkok.

We went to Hua Hin and got a hotel for about $8 a night on Soi 94, and for me it felt like hell. The European lady who ran it was triggered a bit by my behavior. When I walk into rooms, my eyes dart around because I scan rooms it can be mistaken for me wanting to steal something. Not that I grew up in a bad area or anything. Maybe she didn’t like I was with a younger Thai girl. Either way, the hotel felt a bit like a jail, with plain concrete walls and no designs and a lady who asked me every time I saw her if I had a problem.

We both really enjoyed Hua Hin, going to the beach and learning about each other, and I kind of said maybe she wasn’t as simple as I had thought. Or maybe it was an education barrier and not an IQ one. And like I said, she was a gold medalist Connect 4 player and was easy on the eyes.

She told me her father owned multiple farms and she hated working and living on a farm. I do like the farm girls who grow up with two parents because it seems like they have better relationship outcomes. But the more we talked and got to know each other, the more I realized how little I actually knew about her.

For instance, one day I found out she had an aunt who was married to a German man. A few days later, I discovered her aunt was a business owner. Then I learned that her aunt owned restaurants and lady bars. A few days after that, I found out she owned her own home and land which she got through a divorce. I had no idea she had been married. Finding all that out within a week was pretty mind blowing. And because I’m familiar with Thai and Lao people in the US, when one of their family members gets divorced, they’re usually left penniless.

The Hostess Reveal in Bangkok

We headed back to Bangkok after about 4 weeks and had a few more days together. She told me how much she hated the farm and might go back to work with her aunt. I asked her why she didn’t just become a nail tech and do women’s nails because it would keep her off the farm she dislikes. But the fact that she worked with her aunt raised my alarm.

So I asked her which business she worked for. She told me she was the hostess at one of her aunt’s bars. That immediately snapped my brain into realizing how she got her house and nose job. Her English wasn’t great, but it made more sense why she knew more than “hi” and “thank you.”

I do think if I lived in Thailand and she wasn’t so deceptive, we probably could have worked out. But neither was my reality. I was also able to see all the red flags as red flags. Once I found out she was a hostess, it made sense why she wanted to go to Walking Street in Pattaya and Soi 6 to have a few drinks. I don’t drink at all, and she was able to recognize the working girls versus the regular girls. It also explained how she could afford land and to build her own home.

When I got back to America, she immediately started asking for money, which I wouldn’t have a problem with because I’ve yet to meet a woman who wasn’t addicted to her man’s money they may exist, but I haven’t met any yet. I left $300 with her, and within a week she needed more, so I ended up just blocking her and looking for someone new while planning my next trip.

It’s not an exciting bar girl story, but it is one about not falling for the wrong lady and seeing enough red flags to bail out before I was in too deep.

Story 5: The €120,000 Mistake and Early Retirement

This story is not too long, but I think a good lesson for folk who wish to immigrate to Thailand. It concerns my good friend Frankie. He cannot write English, so asked me to write this for him to help others avoid his mistakes.

Frankie was married for 20 years in Germany until his marriage ended in divorce. They owned their own house plus another property which they rented out. He parted from his wife on good terms. She kept their own house while he kept the other property. Their son was already grown up and earning a living. They had been together for vacations in Thailand as a family, so he knew the score.

At the age of 48, he suddenly decided to sell his property, car, furniture and everything and immigrate to Thailand. In 2016, to be exact. He had a total of €120,000.

It did not take him long to hook up with a Thai lady, a single mom of 34 with one daughter of 18. They got on great and started living together. She found a job in a Thai restaurant, and he started importing quite expensive German wines which her employer allowed her to sell with meals.

What Frankie did not reckon on was how expensive Thailand had become since his early days on vacation. He was no spendthrift but found that rent and other expenses were costing him €1,200 a month on average.

The Pandemic and the €120,000 Loss

Then the pandemic hit, and his girlfriend’s restaurant had to close. To save money, they moved up north to her village, where life was far cheaper. But at the same time, neither of them had any income. Frankie unfortunately was not very well educated and knew little about investing money. His money was in one current account earning only 1.7% interest.

To cut a long story short, after seven years his money was gone, and he returned to Germany bankrupt with just enough to avoid being homeless. He had to leave his Thai partner behind, and they were both heartbroken.

I ran into him in Aldi and was surprised to see him. He told me his sad story over coffee for hours. Fortunately, he is a long distance truck driver and will have no difficulty finding a job, since LGV drivers are in huge demand all over Europe. Pay is above average for Germany.

He misses Thailand and wants to bring his girlfriend over, but it is extremely difficult in the political climate right now and the reaction against asylum seekers. He wishes he had been better informed and waited for retirement before immigrating. German pensions are reasonably generous compared to countries like the UK and the USA.

His message is not to immigrate if you do not have concrete plans on how to generate income. €1,200 monthly would be the bare minimum, and that does not allow you any leeway to go to bars and waste money on other pleasures.