The Lesson Learned Retiring In Thailand

Retiring Early and Searching for a New Purpose

The best way to describe my life is as a series of ups and downs. Things started out well, and I had far more ups than downs for a long time. I thought that was how my life would continue, but unfortunately that was not how things worked out.

Everything started to go wrong, and I was already too old to fix some things. I had to accept unsettling and degrading situations because I felt I had no alternative. I had achieved success when I was younger and was able to retire early at 42, but that was a long time ago.

Like many people who retire early, I expected retirement to be my end goal. After a year of doing very little, even though I tried to take up hobbies, I felt I needed a new purpose.

The Travel Bug Bites

One idea that kept returning was travel. I had enough money to travel, but I did not know where to go. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to visit Colombia because I had a twisted fascination with its history and the story of Pablo Escobar.

This was in 2009, when I was 43. I had done little international travel beyond ordinary package holidays in Europe, so arriving in Bogotá before going to Medellín felt completely new. Touching down in Colombia was when I had an epiphany: I was made for travel.

I spent about a month in Colombia and promised myself that I would return home and plan a whole year of travel. I had been bitten by the travel bug, and for a while the world felt like my oyster.

I had sold the business I had spent 20 years building and had around $800,000 in cash. I also owned two properties worth about $100,000 each, so I believed I could afford the adventure.

Around the World in One Year

At the start of 2009, after returning from Colombia, I put together an itinerary for a year of travel. I planned to visit places that interested me and gave myself a budget of $100,000. I eventually spent around $200,000, but at the time I thought it was money well spent.

I began in South America, spending the first few months between Argentina, Chile, and Peru. I loved Buenos Aires, where the steaks were excellent, everything was affordable, and life felt different from anything I knew.

I spent a month in Mexico and visited several countries in Central America. I enjoyed them, but I preferred the energy and way of life in South America. The colonial cities were unlike anywhere I had seen, although I sometimes felt slightly unsafe.

If you have the means to travel, go for it. Travel opens your mind to the world and its possibilities like nothing else.

After the Americas, I travelled around Europe, the Middle East, North Africa, South Africa, and Kenya. I was spending money on good hotels, food, and experiences, but I did not worry because I believed I had enough.

Discovering Thailand

Thailand happened to be the first country I visited in Asia. The moment I stepped off the plane, I felt I was no longer travelling. I felt at home, even though I had never been there before.

I had begun to feel like an experienced traveller, but Thailand made me feel more like the expatriate I wanted to become, even though I was only a tourist. It did not feel like a place where I wanted to spend a short holiday. It felt like somewhere I wanted to live.

Bangkok was the best city I had visited. I also went north to Chiang Mai, which felt completely different. Thailand made me feel safe and comfortable, as if I did not need to stay on guard all the time.

I spent two weeks in Thailand before continuing to Vietnam, Cambodia, Japan, Australia, and New Zealand. I was having the best time of my life, but by the time I faced the long flights home, I was already longing to return to Thailand.

The Decision to Move

I felt depressed when I landed back in the UK, but remembering that I was retired and could return to Thailand made me feel better almost immediately. I had spent around $200,000 of my $800,000, but I considered the trip a once in a lifetime experience.

After no more than two months at home, I decided to spend a year in Thailand. I had no connections or commitments stopping me, and I was in an optimistic stage where I thought nothing could go wrong. I was wrong.

When I first visited Thailand, I did not go to the places associated with nightlife. I had been shy and reserved around women, and by the time I was 37 I had given up on ever having a relationship. Once I gave up on that possibility, it felt as if a wall had been built between me and love.

That can change quickly. A small experience can make you look at your life differently.

The Poolside Encounter That Changed Everything

When I returned to Bangkok, I planned to stay for a month and take things easy. I had been there for about a week, spending too much money on hotels, but I was not worried about finding a long term place yet.

The hotel was close to the river, in a beautiful and historic part of Bangkok. I was sitting by the pool with a smoothie when a man put his towel on the sunbed beside mine. There were 30 or 40 other empty sunbeds, so I felt uncomfortable when he chose the one next to me.

Once he started talking, I relaxed. We discussed Thailand, travel, and our experiences, and I enjoyed having a conversation with someone. About half an hour later, a beautiful young Thai woman joined him on the sunbed.

I asked whether she was his wife or girlfriend. He said he had met her in Patpong the night before. He appeared to be in his 50s, while she was in her early 20s, and she looked like a normal young woman rather than someone I had expected to meet in a nightlife area.

When they left after a swim, I felt a sudden excitement in my stomach. I decided there was no harm in visiting Patpong that evening to see what it was like.

My First Bar Experience

I spent the rest of the day doing very little and headed out around 7 p.m. I took a taxi to Patpong, which was a much bigger attraction at the time than it is today. The man at the pool had also mentioned Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy.

When I arrived, I expected the bars to be obvious and thought nobody would speak to me. I first walked into the wrong bar on the wrong street, then left another place almost immediately because the small cubicle like space made me uncomfortable.

The next bar felt more relaxed. There were many women inside and few customers, but the staff greeted me as though I mattered. One woman smiled, spoke to me, and sat beside me. When she put her hand on my leg, it was a heart stopping moment.

I knew she was there because customers bought drinks, but I still felt she was interested in me. That experience changed my life. In Thailand, I felt I did not have to remain the shy person I had always been.

Nothing else happened with that woman, and I never saw her again. However, the innocent encounter at the hotel pool and my first bar experience started the chain of events that led to my life in Thailand.

The Crazy Years

When it was time to leave Thailand after that first year, I felt I had become a ladies’ man. I had learned some of the language through a visa school and gained confidence with women.

I had spent a lot of money and started to worry that I would not have enough for the rest of my life. Thailand was affordable, but I treated my year there as an extended holiday rather than as a permanent life.

I came close to a real relationship during that year and spent three months with one woman. It ended when I left her for someone else, only to discover that the new woman was receiving money from men overseas.

By the end of 2011, I was back in the UK and deciding whether to spend another year in Thailand or move there permanently. I chose another year and went back at the start of 2012, continuing to study the language.

I rented a condo in Asok, close to Soi Cowboy, Soi 22, and Nana. I spent about five months with one woman, then met someone else and moved on. I felt I was making up for lost time, and the bars were where I believed I could catch up on the experiences I had missed.

I did not meet the right woman, but I returned home knowing that I wanted to live in Thailand. I only needed to make sure there was nothing keeping me in the UK.

Selling Up and Committing

I sold my two houses for around $100,000 each. They were modest terrace houses in the part of the country where I came from, but selling them gave me more liquid capital.

Out of the $800,000 I had when I retired, I probably had $350,000 left. I had spent a huge amount on hotels and travel, but I still believed that $550,000 would let me live a great life in Thailand.

I thought I would meet someone, get married, and settle down. I was too old to start a family, so I assumed I would need to find a woman who did not want children or already had them.

After putting my affairs in order, I bought a one way ticket to Thailand. I had arranged a visa and felt thrilled that I was leaving for good. I thought I was making a success of my life by never going home.

Looking back, I had a very poor understanding of what success meant.

Pattaya or Bangkok?

I had never visited Pattaya, although I had heard about it. I planned to spend a month in each city and choose the place where I could see myself living.

I also told myself that I would enjoy the bars but would not start a serious relationship until I knew where I wanted to live. That seemed sensible while I was travelling to Thailand, but plans can change quickly.

When I arrived, I went straight to Pattaya. It felt like Bangkok on steroids and gave me the feeling that anything was possible. I made a foolish financial decision and rented a condo in both Bangkok and Pattaya.

I even bought a car so I could travel between them. For a year I had women in both places, and at one point I was maintaining two relationships at the same time. I was spending far too much, but I was living entirely in the moment.

Eventually I became tired of moving between the two cities. Pattaya won, and I told myself it was time to be sensible, meet the right woman, and invest what I had left.

Meeting My Wife

I gave up both condos and downsized to a small one bedroom unit that cost 15,000 baht a month. Before that, I had been spending 30,000 baht on each condo, so the change was sensible.

I was approaching 50 and began to think more seriously about health, age, and the kind of life I wanted. I wanted someone to spend my life with, and I believed a woman in her mid 30s might be a better match for me than someone much younger.

About three months after downsizing, I went into a bar just off Soi Buakhao for a drink. I had not gone out looking for a girlfriend, but I met a 36 year old woman there and my plans changed.

We went out to eat and then saw each other almost every day for about a month. She had two children, aged 18 and 12, and had worked in Pattaya for around eight years. I knew there were difficult questions around her past, but I did not let them trouble me.

She moved in after a month, and I felt myself calming down. After another three months, when I believed I had properly fallen in love with her, we got married.

We only registered the marriage rather than holding a ceremony. I was able to get a visa based on the marriage and felt that everything I wanted had happened before I turned 50.

The Sin Sod Shock

After we registered the marriage, my wife said we needed to hold a large party in her village. She explained that it was Thai tradition and that her family expected it.

I wondered why she had not mentioned the party before we married. I knew little about Thai customs, did not speak with many other expats, and had not done enough research. I assumed the party would be enjoyable.

Two days after the marriage, we drove to her home province of Kalasin in northeastern Thailand. The journey took about five hours, and we stayed in a town overnight before going to the village the next morning.

My wife usually slept late, but she woke me at 5 a.m. and immediately began helping her family. She seemed more comfortable and at ease in the village than she had in Pattaya.

Then her family explained that I was expected to pay one million baht in sin sod. I was shocked, but I convinced myself it was part of Thai culture and tradition. My wife said it would make her family happy, and I felt cornered, so I agreed.

Falling for Village Life

I expected the wedding party to happen within a few days, but the family set the date for a month later. I suggested returning to Pattaya and coming back for the event, while my wife asked to stay with her family.

We compromised by staying in a hotel near the village. During that month, I felt a stronger connection to that part of Thailand. Pattaya was busy, full of foreigners, restaurants, and nightlife, while the village was quiet and had very few foreigners.

The local people seemed welcoming and friendly. In Pattaya I sometimes felt as if I was living on the edge of Thailand, but in the village I felt surrounded by ordinary Thai life.

The party went ahead and made the family happy. My wife was happy too, so we returned to Pattaya and continued with our lives.

The Financial Reality Check

Reality hit when I admitted how much I had spent. I had arrived with around $550,000, but two condos, a car, sin sod, and everything else had reduced that to about $300,000.

I had always known what I was spending, but I kept telling myself I needed to get one more thing out of the way before becoming sensible. Now it was time to live carefully. My wife was comfortable with a simple lifestyle, and I believed we could manage.

I also expected to receive a pension when I turned 55. It was only about £550 a month, but I treated it as future income and used that expectation to reassure myself.

During the next year, we were happy and spent about $25,000. The excitement of Thailand was beginning to fade, but I still believed I had enough money to make the arrangement work.

The Temptation of the Village

Near the end of that year, we visited the village during Songkran. I had liked it before, but this visit made me think more seriously about the difference between village life and Pattaya.

In the village, my wife and I could eat an excellent meal and share a large beer for about 300 baht. The same meal in Pattaya would have cost more than 1,000 baht. We explored on the family motorcycle and found ways to enjoy ourselves without spending much money.

I met a man from Denmark who had moved to the area. He told me that his money went further and that he was happier there. I began to imagine that my wife and I could do the same.

I thought we could eat out, take up hobbies, and live well on less money. I should have paused and considered that I was not yet 50 and was making a decision for the rest of my life.

I was the one who raised the idea with my wife. She said it had always been her dream to have a house in the village, and that was all I needed to hear. I decided to follow that path.

Building the Dream

We went back to Pattaya and thought about it, but the decision did not take long. After less than two months, we packed everything into the car and moved to the village.

I was excited as we drove north. We talked about all the possibilities, including a small business that might bring in a few thousand baht and help pay the electricity bill.

We planned to take our time, find good land, choose a reliable builder, and design a home for the rest of our lives. We rented a place about ten minutes from the village while we made arrangements.

A couple of months later, we bought land for about one million baht. We cleared trees, built a perimeter wall and gate, and spent around 300,000 baht on the wall and finishing work.

We chose a large four bedroom, three bathroom, two storey house even though a simple two bedroom home would have been enough. The house cost about $100,000 before the interior was finished, and the total for the house, land, wall, and other work reached about $200,000.

By then I had only a little over $100,000 left. I was so caught up in the process that I told myself we could cut back later. We were home now, and I believed we would never need to live anywhere else.

The Boredom Sets In

Less than two months after moving into the house, I was bored senseless. At first I explored the area on the small motorcycle I had bought, tried to find restaurants, and enjoyed seeing new places. The novelty disappeared quickly.

My wife was never bored. She could wake early, pick mushrooms with her family, sell them, and spend time with relatives. She was content with a routine that felt unbearable to me.

We went to Pattaya for a week, and I felt calm because there was more activity and more to do. Three days after returning to the village, the boredom came back. I started drinking to keep it away.

I am still with my wife and believe we are as happy as a couple can be, but my financial position is difficult. I receive a pension of £550 a month, have no insurance, and hold 400,000 baht in a Thai bank account that I cannot use.

Nearly a decade has passed, and I mostly exist. I fulfilled my dream of never returning home or working again, but I am older now and have no real answer if an emergency happens.

The Lesson Learned

The important lesson is that I put all my eggs in one basket. Other foreigners have moved to the village, lost their relationships, or become bored and left. Their houses were not everything they had, so they could change direction with a manageable loss.

My basket has not broken, but it has become rigid. Every day is the same. I was fully invested, and I no longer have the freedom to choose a different life.

After living in the house for about a year, I considered returning home and working again. My wife convinced me not to, and then the pandemic kept me in Thailand. By the time COVID ended, I was older and had accepted that this was my life.

I do not have anything bad to say about my wife or her family apart from the sin sod incident. The house could be a perfect place to spend a month after escaping the craziness of somewhere else. Living there permanently, with no other option, is different.

Think carefully about whether you can handle the isolation, boredom, and lack of alternatives before investing everything in one place. A decision that feels exciting for three months or a year may not suit the rest of your life. That is my honest reflection on living in a remote Thai village, where people in the honeymoon phase may not tell you what happens when all you want is to do anything else.

I tell myself every day that I made a mistake. If I could have my time again, I would have taken my wife home, worked, started another business, and retired later. I cannot have that time again, and I wish I could.