My Thai Marriage Visa Story and the 39 Day Breakdown

I wish I had a happy story to tell, but unfortunately, no matter how much I tried to make my ending a happy one, it always failed.

My Thai wife rinsed good and proper, not only for money but also for a marriage and a visa, not including the time I wasted trying to make her happy.

This story is a warning for all men around the world not to rush into marriage, even if you feel pressured in doing so.

If you rush things, it’s more than likely not going to work in the long run, I am a perfect example of this, as I got married to my Thai wife just because her parents pressured me into it.

I married my wife in 2020 in a Buddhist ceremony in Bangkok.

I can remember it very clearly, standing in this temple, sweating from head to toe, just going through the motions. Her whole family was there, all smiles, and I’m just thinking, we finally made it, on to a better future together.

Meeting Fah and Falling in Love

I had nobody there with me, no family no friends, nobody, that made me even more nervous about everything.

That day felt like the finish line after almost three years since we’d first met, I fell for her fast the first time I visited Bangkok.

I was just completely in love with her from the first day. I remember flying back home after that first trip, already planning the next one in my head, already couldn’t wait to see her again.

It wasn’t a holiday girlfriend type of thing, It was a legit and honest relationship so I thought, I didn’t pick up on any red flags anyway, probably because I was so caught up in the dream.

From that moment on our wedding day, I really thought I was headed into a long, healthy and happy marriage, living the rest of my days with my wife.

The ceremony was done, the photos were taken, and I’m thinking this is it. Life is finally sorted. I had no clue what was coming next.

Building a Long Distance Relationship

We first met online through her sister’s boyfriend, while chatting on some Facebook group 3 years prior.

Nothing major at first, I had never been to Thailand so the conversation really was about her everyday life, where she lived, how it was different from mine, that kind of thing. But she was cool to talk to, and it just kept going from there.

She would ask me about my life here also, saying she would like to visit my country some time and had dreams of finally moving abroad.

One thing led to another and we found ourselves in a type of online relationship, which in turn led to me traveling to Bangkok to finally meet her.

Her Thai nickname was Fah. She came across as sweet and kind from the start, she was 25, seemed real genuine and from what I could tell, she had a great time with me.

From my point of view, I also loved it, I loved everything about her and when I had to leave Bangkok, I felt genuinely down about it.

Finding Fah Again

I knew how long distance relationships hardly ever worked out in the long run, and I knew she could get bored waiting around for me and easily find someone else.

Being alone a million miles away thinking what your girlfriend could be doing, it doesn’t exactly put you in a good mindset, not to mention the time difference problems.

But we made it work for about a year, talking every day and video calling when we could, though I would be working long hours so we didn’t exactly get much time on video together.

Randomly, out of the blue we lost touch for a while. Her Facebook had been deleted, I had no other way of contacting her, and couldn’t find her anywhere on other social media.

I ended up reconnecting with her through a Thai friend I’d met online. That friend helped me translate her Thai ID card the one she’d let me scan back when we stayed at the Grand Hotel in Pattaya.

It was a real long shot, just trying to find her with that old scan. I thought it would just be a dead end, but my friend was great and kept digging around for me.

Returning to Thailand With a Plan

Through that, they tracked down her parents, and eventually her parents passed along my LINE account to her.

Then it was just a waiting game. I had my phone on me all the time, just hoping it would ring. It was that feeling when you’re just stuck waiting for a call that might never come.

About 1 or 2 months after I gave her parents my number, Fah called me out of the blue. She said she had some problems with a Thai ex boyfriend who wouldn’t leave her alone so she deleted all her social media, got a new number and tried to be untraceable.

Even though she could have easily let me know, or created new accounts just for me, I ignored that red flag.

She was happy and flattered that I tried to track her down and found her parents, though she said it was creepy in a cute way.

After talking again, I booked another trip to Thailand that year to see her again in person.

Meeting Fah’s Family in Chaiyaphum

Hearing her voice just brought it all back. It felt like no time had passed at all. I was on the computer booking the flight like, an hour after our call.

In my head, my plan was simple: I wanted her to come to the States, see how life here felt, and if it went well, maybe get married later on.

I thought it was a good plan to be honest. No pressure, just see how things go. I was totally fine with taking it slow, letting her get a feel for the place first.

I did not exactly want to rush things because coming from Thailand to here, it’s completely different, she could love it or could hate it.

We spoke about this and she was 100% up for coming to the states with me, she was excited because she had never been out of Thailand and really wanted to travel. But she said first I need to personally ask her parents if I can take her with me.

When I met her family in Chaiyaphum which is Isan, her parents said she couldn’t come to America unless we got married first. They wanted it done properly, in a Thai Buddhist wedding.

The Thai Wedding and Dowry

That kind of threw a spanner in the works for my whole take it steady plan. But sitting there with her family, it wasn’t really a request, It was just how things were done.

I agreed. I just wanted to help her have a better life, so we went to Bangkok and handled the official paperwork.

In the government office, we were just signing forms. It felt a bit clinical, not like a wedding should. But I was told the real ceremony with the family was the important part.

I couldn’t invite any of my family or friends because I wasn’t even sure the wedding would actually happen. It came together fast, and there was no way to fly anyone over on such short notice.

It was a bit of a strange feeling, to be honest. Getting ready for your own wedding and not having a single friend there to have a beer with afterwards. The whole thing just felt a bit rushed and unreal.

Her aunt arranged everything the ceremony, 70,000 baht dowry, plus gold, and me paying for everything else like food, drinks, and whatever the guests needed, all of it.

Paying for the Marriage Visa

Bearing in mind I did not know a single one of the guests, I don’t even know if she knew them, she could have easily have gotten them off the street and I wouldn’t be any the wiser.

Her aunt was a force of nature, she just took over and had it all sorted in no time. I just had to show up and follow instructions, cash in hand, which was a relief in a way, but still had a feeling I was paying way more than I should have been.

After we were officially married and her parents gave us their blessing for her to come to the states with me, it was time to sort out all the paperwork again, and go back to the long distance relationship part for a while.

I hired an agency for about 65,000 baht to help with her marriage visa. They told us it would take five to seven months, but it ended up dragging out for ten.

The waiting was the worst part. Every month I’d call them for an update, and it was always the same story just more delays. It really started to get us both down after a while.

One of their reps, a woman from the agency, helped us through it, she was actually the only decent one in the agency willing to help and not giving us the runaround, Without her, we would have been completely lost in all that paperwork.

Waiting for Fah’s Visa

A side note for anyone trying to get a visa for your Thai girlfriend or wife, if you go with an agency make sure you check reviews because some of them are a complete nightmare, better yet, find someone who’s used one before and has good things to say about them.

Fah finally had her visa interview at the U.S. Embassy in Bangkok, The visa was granted around 10 or 11 months after.

That wait after the interview was even worse than waiting for the interview itself. Almost a year just checking, thinking any day now. When that approval finally came, it felt like I could breathe again.

I flew back to Thailand to bring her home, after spending a short time in Bangkok and visiting her family and friends in Chaiyaphum, we headed back to the states together.

During the flight she was quiet the whole time, just staring out the window. I put it down to nerves, thinking starting a new life and all that, that can be daunting for anyone.

After arriving, she didn’t seem happy at all. She’d already been down for months waiting in Thailand for her visa, and she hadn’t worked that entire ten month stretch.

Bringing Fah to America

Though I had been sending her about $500 to $800 a month to get by while she waited.

I tried to make it easier for her. I figured she was just stressed from all the waiting and the uncertainty. I thought once she got here and settled in, she’d cheer up.

Backing up a bit, as I think this is important and probably should have paid more attention to it, Six months into our marriage, while she was still waiting for the visa approval in Bangkok, I noticed her mood changing.

Our video calls started getting weird. She’d just go quiet for no reason, or get snappy over tiny things. The feeling I got from her was just totally different from before.

She started acting unsure about everything said I was too serious, that I thought too much, even accused me of lying about the visa.

As you probably can understand, it wasn’t a nice feeling. I’m on the other side of the world, doing everything I can to get her here, and she’s accusing me of making it all up. I didn’t know what to say to that.

The First Signs of Trouble

Altogether we’d only spent about ten weeks in person over the entire time we knew each other.

Before she arrived, I even tried to buy us a house. I applied for a first time buyer mortgage, but got turned down because my debt to income ratio was too high.

That rejection was bad because I really wanted to have a proper home ready for her, not just the apartment. It felt like I’d already failed at the first hurdle.

When we both landed in the states and we got to the apartment, things started to shift almost instantly.

At first, I thought it was just her trying to adjust or maybe the cold getting to her. I thought it might’ve been home sickness or something like that. But looking back, I think the stress and change might’ve set something off.

You could just feel the tension in the apartment. It was like walking on eggshells all the time, never knowing what tiny thing would set her off next.

Life in the Apartment

It got to the point where I’d just keep my mouth shut to avoid an argument. Even the most basic stuff, like how the laundry machine works and how to use it. The atmosphere was just miserable.

The amount of stuff that comes natural to us westerners, she just struggled with, the place became a tip, she wasn’t cleaning up after herself, being lazy and even though she was small she ate like a pig.

I started to feel more like a caretaker than a husband. Everything was a potential argument, and I was just constantly on edge, trying to manage her moods. It was exhausting.

Then one day she got upset when I wouldn’t give her $7,000 to send back to Thailand, bearing in mind this was only about a week after arriving here.

She and her sister wanted to invest in some online diamond selling thing, sounded to me like some get rich quick scam.

I told her I didn’t have the money to throw into that and maybe she could work a bit first. I even suggested starting her own small online business, but she didn’t want to hear it.

The Demand for Seven Thousand Dollars

Seven grand is a lot of money, and this diamond thing sounded like a total scam. I knew then that we were on completely different pages.

She started sleeping most of the day and staying up all night watching movies.

Half the time she’d just sleep on the couch instead of sleeping in our bed. And when she did sleep next to me, she’d wrap herself up so tight in the sheets that I couldn’t even touch her. Wouldn’t even let me kiss her goodnight.

It was a lonely time. I’d go to work, come home, and she’d be in her own world on the couch. We were living totally separate lives in the same small apartment.

Before she came, I’d already paid her parents a dowry 70,000 baht plus gold necklaces and covered the cost of the whole traditional wedding ceremony out of respect for her family. I even paid that law firm 65,000 baht for their help getting the visa sorted.

Not only that, but I bought a new iPhone for her parents so they could always FaceTime Fah.

The Marriage Felt Fake

I’d dropped a small fortune already, just trying to do everything right. I wasn’t some rich guy, that was pretty much all my savings gone. I thought I was investing in our future.

At one point, she told me she thought our marriage was fake that maybe I’d just married her for show all because the visa took longer than expected.

After all the money I’d spent and all the hoops I’d jumped through, she thought it was some kind of game, like why would I marry her just for show? Didn’t make any sense.

And after all that, once she finally got here, she lasted just over a month. Then she was gone. All that build up, all that waiting, for just over a month of pure misery. It felt like a sick joke.

She told me she wanted to leave me, that she can’t stand living here. Not sure if she meant she couldn’t stand me or the country, either way I knew she didn’t want to be with me.

It all blew up on the day she wanted to leave. Fah got upset because I wouldn’t skip work and drive her all the way to the airport to buy her a plane ticket back to Thailand that same day.

When Fah Wanted to Leave

A six hour drive, on a work day, just to buy a ticket she could get online. It was completely mental. I just told her I couldn’t do it.

She started going crazy at me while I was trying to explain to her that I couldn’t just take the day off and take her to the airport, that she would have to wait, but She ignored me and kept talking on the phone with her friend in Thailand. That friend told her to call the police So she did.

While I was in the shower getting ready for work, she handed me the phone and said the police wanted to talk to me.

I told them she was upset and that we’d talk it out later. I just couldn’t take the day off. My job was freelance work no paid time off, no benefits, nothing. I told them I’d deal with it after work once everyone calmed down.

By the time I got out of the shower, she’d already packed her two suitcases the same ones I bought her when I was in Thailand. Fifteen minutes later, the police showed up at my apartment. They were annoyed at me at first, but after talking, they realized what was really going on.

The police were cool with me once they saw the whole picture. They had a quiet chat with me in the hallway and basically said they had to take her somewhere safe for the night. I think they knew the score, and could see what was really going on.

The Police Took Fah to a Shelter

They asked why she’d said I was angry all the time. I told them straight I’d lost patience when she told me she’d sold her wedding ring while she was still in Thailand and never told me about it. I said I was upset because, to me, that ring stood for something. You don’t just sell it without talking to your husband.

Before they took her, she looked at me and said that she hates me for everything I have done and that she wanted a divorce.

I know most people in a relationship that breaks down will say it wasn’t their fault, but I can put my hand on my heart and say I really did do nothing wrong.

She was just crazy in the head by then, I don’t know if it’s due to her upbringing, past traumas or what it was, but she certainly wasn’t the woman I married.

The police told me they were taking her to a Women’s Shelter. And that was it. She walked out, and I haven’t seen her since.

I watched her get in the police car. She didn’t even look back. That was the last time I saw her. Just gone.

Trying to Help Fah Start Again

Before everything went south, I’d tried helping her get a job at a local restaurant, but the owner said her English wasn’t good enough.

I even enrolled her in English classes, bought her whatever she needed but she just really wasn’t interested in doing anything.

I was really trying to set her up for a life here. Get her some independence, maybe make a few friends. I thought it would help her settle in.

When I think back to my original plan, that would have been the smartest move just bring her over first, let her see what life was like here, and if she liked it, we’d go from there.

But her parents insisted we get married first. Out of respect, I did everything by the book the dowry, the gold, the wedding, the stuff I offered to buy for her parents house such as a new fridge, lots of food, and of course helping them out financially.

The more I think about it, I honestly think her family saw her as a way to make money.

Messages From Pattaya

I remember while we were waiting for the visa, we would video call and sometimes she’d be drinking, slurring her words, calling herself names “me bad woman,” “me stupid,” “me no love you.” It was strange that she would talk about herself that way.

It never crossed my mind that she might be saying that kind of stuff because she had done something behind my back or something like that.

Then one day I got a message from a Thai woman who said she knew Fah from Pattaya. She claimed Fah was working at a bar, seeing other men, and planning to take my money.

I thought it was just some jealous person trying to stir things up. But another message came later saying almost the same thing, from someone else.

Getting that second message started to make me suspicious. It’s one thing to get one crazy message, but two? That starts to feel like something is wrong but even then, I didn’t want to believe it. I thought once she got to America, everything would be fine.

After she arrived, I tried to make her comfortable. Bought her winter clothes, took her out for Thai food, cooked Thai meals for her at home, literally did everything I could.

A Marriage That Felt Like Roommates

It’s a strange feeling, being married but more like roommates. A damn expensive roommate.

I never wanted to force her into anything, I just wanted her to be happy. But it became clear she wasn’t trying to make things work. I felt used and completely drained.

By the end, I was just running on empty. The money was gone, the energy was gone. I had nothing left to give.

When she left I didn’t get a single reply not from her, not from her family, not from anyone. I even called the shelter, and they never confirmed if she was there or not. I messaged her aunt Dtun, her sisters nothing.

She’s never tried to reach out either. I haven’t changed my phone number or address. She just vanished.

At this point, I just want closure. I’d like to know if this marriage can be annulled, because it feels like it was never real to begin with. I really think she only married me to get her green card and once she got here, she was done.

Searching for Closure

The whole thing was just a transaction for her. A means to an end. I was just the idiot who thought it was real.

Then, a few months later, I got a letter from a lawyer. Saying that Fah had been claiming “domestic violence and control issues.” She wanted $350 a week, and that if I didn’t pay I would have to go to court because we were technically married.

Getting that letter I couldn’t actually believe it. After all that silence, her first move was to try and take more money. The absolute audacity of it.

I am not sure if it was a legit email or just her up to one of her scams to try and get even more out of me.

I couldn’t believe it and didn’t want to take any risks so I had to hire a lawyer that cost me close to 2000 dollars just to intervene and reply to the email and see what I can do about a divorce.

According to my lawyer, she’d even accused me of threatening her and other things, none of it being true.

The Court Case and Lawyer

After everything I did the wedding, the visa, the money, the respect for her culture that’s how it ended.

After all that effort and cash, it just ended with lawyers and lies. I followed all their customs, jumped through every hoop, and for what? To get played.

All I ever wanted was to build a life with her. But in the end, it feels like I got pulled into something that was never meant to be. I gave her everything I could, and when it was over, she just disappeared.

Months later, she gave me the final insult to injury, she sent me a friend request on Facebook with a profile picture of her smiling with another man, a westerner.

Not sure if she is still in the US, but if she is, I wish that guy luck because he has no idea what he has signed up for, I wish I could tell him but I think it’s best I don’t get involved in any way now.

I think the takeaway from my experience would be, don’t be stupid like me, don’t ignore red flags, don’t marry a Thai woman just because her parents want you to and whatever you do, don’t rush things.

What I Learned From the Marriage

I know people change after they get married, that’s normal in a lot of marriages, and not all of them work out, but after just 1 month? That’s got to be some sort of record.