The Cousin in the Room — A Thai Friendly Dating Warning

I met Anne (not her real name, of course) on the dating site Thai Friendly back in late February of 2024. We seemed to hit it off from the start as she was very responsive and had a good story to tell. She was 34 and had a 10-year-old son. Her parents died in a car accident when she was 12, and she told me she’d raised herself starting from age 12. Her parents were poor and lived in a shack on a large piece of property in Isaan.

I learned her tragic story via WhatsApp and FaceTime. We spoke every day because I had just left Bangkok before meeting her and went to Japan for a few weeks, then Hawaii for a couple of weeks, then back to California to sell or give everything away going with as little as possible.

We continued to get to know each other, and she started telling me stories of her everyday life. She would send me pictures of her farming on her land, planting fruit trees, and playing with her son. We were bonding and getting to know each other.

I sent her money for the first time on May 8th, 2024 because she said she’d only had to freelance twice because she was desperate for money to pay for her son’s schooling. I sent her money via the Wise app and never stopped sending her money.

The Malaysia Trip: Suspicious Travel Plans in Johor Bahru

There was also a period when she said she was flying with a friend to Malaysia, and she said she was going to vacation in Kuala Lumpur. She asked if I could buy her a plane ticket. I sent her the money, only to find out instead of flying to Kuala Lumpur, she and her friend flew directly to Johor Bahru, Malaysia, which is well known for being a high end freelancer area because the city is right across the bridge from Singapore, where freelancing is illegal. So all the wealthy men cross the bridge from Singapore into Johor Bahru.

She sent me a picture of herself, and she looked different than how she did on our daily calls. I questioned her because I had been to Johor Bahru earlier that year, and it was overrun with freelancers. Of course, she denied she was doing anything wrong, but I had my suspicions.

Meeting Anne in Bangkok After Online Dating

I flew back to Bangkok on the morning of July 20th and finally ended up meeting Anne on the 23rd of July. I felt an instant connection, and she too seemed very pleased with me. Now, keep in mind, I was stupidly sending her money the whole time, so that could have influenced her.

Everything moved very quickly, but I was comfortable with it because sometimes when you have conversations online, you tend to be less guarded than when you are in front of someone. We ended up taking vacations to pretty much every island in Thailand, and we stayed in very nice boutique hotels. She said they were the nicest places she had ever stayed. We even took her son on trips when he was out of school.

She also ended up moving into my new condo, as she said she wanted to live with me but also keep her room on the other side of Bangkok an hour from Sukhumvit Soi 14 because she had it so long and it wasn’t that expensive. So I was paying for her room there as well.

The Spending Spiral: Money, Gifts, and a Thai Relationship

I was doing what any generous, well-to-do boyfriend does taking care of her and buying her new things to see her excitement at getting things she said she dreamed about: a new iPhone, new furniture for her home, a new stove, a new oversized washing machine, a new toilet. When I went to her property, her toilet was basically a toilet seat on the dirt within an open door cylinder block structure.

I ended up buying a new phone for her son so he could keep in touch with her. I invested in a whole new wardrobe for both her and her son, with many pairs of new footwear. I paid for expenses such as repairing her son’s scooter. All in, I ended up spending around $20,000 (or around 676,000 baht) on my Thai girlfriend, Anne.

The Suspicion: Four Suitcases and a Hidden Room

I started to suspect something was different when she started coming into Bangkok and said she was only here for a couple of days to see the dentist or the doctor. Then she came into town on October 1st and said she had no time to see me because she was just dropping off her brother at the airport. It didn’t make sense when she sent me a picture of four suitcases. She said her brother borrowed them from another family member, and she needed to wake up early, go to the doctors, then back to her province until the 11th but would definitely come and see me on the 11th of October.

I went to bed that night with an uneasy feeling. Why? Because my girlfriend who I’ve invested so much time and money in was acting out of character.

I decided to take Ronald Reagan’s advice about “trust but verify” and, between BTS and a motorbike, made my way to her room near the airport an address she didn’t think I knew.

The Confrontation: Finding Anne with Another Man

I went up the six flights of stairs, and as I neared her room, I could hear Anne’s voice and clearly a man’s voice. They were talking in Thai. I knocked on the door, and they stopped talking. I knocked and knocked, and no one answered. From the small studio, I started talking and telling Anne to please come out I just wanted to talk. No response.

Then the security guard came up and told me I had to leave. I was downstairs, and the security guards could not speak English, but a lady walking in was very helpful and she interpreted for us. She knew the tenants of my girlfriend’s room apparently shared by her boyfriend of a couple of years.

Anne and I were exchanging text messages, and she said she didn’t know how I got the address but I should have never gone there because it would ruin everything. I had to bribe her to come down and talk which she did an hour and a half later. But some of her text messages were cryptic, saying she was having trouble leaving the room it’s not as easy as her just opening the door and taking the elevator down. Weird stuff.

When she finally did come down, she again started saying I should have never come because it was going to ruin her life not too sure what was meant by that. But we ended up talking, with me asking questions and her on auto repeat that I didn’t need to know anything about the guy or what she was doing, and she would talk to me on the 11th when she got back.

The guy in the room ended up being her cousin, who doesn’t have a job, but apparently he acts as her minder. She has an account on Thai Friendly where she posts intriguing pictures and hooks up with rare guys like me who truly are looking for a long-term, loving relationship.

Before me, I learned she was living in Lithuania for a few years and would send money back to her cousin.

The Cousin’s Explanation and the Cost of Trust

The moral of the story is to be ever vigilant when it comes to some Thai women. There are some good quality women in Thailand, but there are many professional fraudsters who prey on men who are honestly looking for love. Money cannot only fail to buy you love; it can also be costly. So never be too poor to not be able to afford to pay attention when a long term Thai couple is taking advantage of the dreams of aging men by using aerobic weeks as a weapon to extort money from a man who is just trying to find happiness and to help the less fortunate.

Story Two: A First-Time Phuket Adventure with Massages, Aussies, and Rookie Mistakes

In March 2019, I embarked on my first adventure specifically to Thailand at age 56. Having always been cautious about traveling alone to unfamiliar places, I had hesitated to explore Thailand yet. After binge-watching videos on Thailand’s vibrant culture and watching guides on what to expect, I finally felt ready. Funny enough, what had made me nervous about solo travel now seems laughable in any country, I’m probably my own worst risk.

I did plenty of research, especially about scams and the reality of the nightlife scene, including videos about massage parlors and bar culture. I wanted to be prepared not one of those first-timers who gets taken advantage of. Armed with all the knowledge I could gather, I set off on this long-awaited trip.

Chiang Mai During Crop-Burning Season

My journey began in Chiang Mai. After a grueling period at work, I was ready to unwind rather than go full tilt into nightlife. Unfortunately, it was crop burning season, so the air was dense with smoke. Despite the hazy conditions, I stayed in Chiang, Mai for four days, tasting tasty Thai cuisine and squeezing in visits to some historical sites and the Elephant Nature Park on clearer days. Tired from the hustle back home, I didn’t even consider finding female companyonship during this leg of the trip.

Phuket and the Kangaroo Bar

Once well rested, I continued to Phuket, eager for the next part of my journey. To avoid the typical airport taxi haggling, I arranged a driver ahead of time. My accommodation in Patong was at the Gig Hotel, which put me within walking distance of lively bars and eateries, which meant no worries about finding my way back late at night.

The following day after a hearthy English breakfast, I wandered around and eventually found myself at the Walking Street bars. I sat at a place called The Kangaroo Bar, where I enjoyed a cold beer and observed the relaxed vibe. I liked this spot so much that later that evening I returned at about 8:30 p.m.

While I was there, I struck up a conversation with a group of four Australian guys. They were friendly, divorced, and well-versed in the Patong nightlife visiting three times a year for pure fun. They filled me in on the ins and outs, the do’s and don’ts of the local bar scene, and shared some humorous tips, including a funny tongue in cheek guide to distinguish between women and ladyboys. One of the guys had me laughing when he joked, “If your lady has you suddenly in a headlock, you’ll know.”

Soon, a friendly woman named Boon joined me at my table. To this day, I look back at her picture and wonder why I didn’t invite her back to the hotel for aerobics. She was charming, and we seemed to connect quite well.

The Aussies suggested taking me to a nearby go-go bar called Suzie Wong’s for a taste of something more risqué. They promised to pull me out after an hour to keep me from any potential mishaps. The experience was indeed something I’d never forget though I’ll spare the details. Later, we explored a few quieter bars where the girls were more reserved, but none caught my eye like Boon.

The Massage Therapist Rack in Phuket

The following morning, I went for breakfast at a place called the International Cafe and Guest House. It was run by a Kiwi expat who gave me insight into the struggles and rewards of running a business in Patong.

Later that day, I wandered around, and a friendly massage therapist named Rack persuaded me to return for a session. After the massage, we had a nice chat, and I asked if she’d be interested in joining me on some outings. Rack agreed, though I learned I’d have to pay her shop a fee. Despite the initial price negotiation, I was happy to have her company for the following day.

Our first destination was Tiger Kingdom, where I had the surreal experience of entering a tiger enclosure. Rack seemed unfazed, though I was a bit on edge. Afterwards, we visited the Big Buddha, where she suggested I make a small donation for good luck and then casually mentioned she needed new sunglasses which we promptly found in the gift shop.

That evening, Rack and I enjoyed a swim at the hotel pool, though she avoided the sun, a Thai trait I would learn about later. Back at the hotel, I invited her to stay the night, and we spent the next few days together. I thought about asking her to join me on my flight to Bangkok but ultimately decided to travel there alone.

Bangkok, Soi Cowboy, and Rookie Mistakes

Once in Bangkok, I received a text from Rack saying she would fly up to join me if I covered her airfare. Politely, I declined, excited to explore the city solo. Later, however, she messaged again, insisting she’d come on her own. Curious, I agreed to meet her at the airport.

Before Rack arrived, I decided to experience the famous Soi Cowboy, where I met a girl named May. She was lively and persistent in getting me to buy her and her friends lady drinks, but I played along to see where the night would go. After bar fining May, we took a cab to an area I didn’t recognize. Wanting to avoid any shady situations, I hired the driver to stick around and ensure I got back to my hotel safely. After navigating through various fees and tips at a club, I realized I’d fallen for a few rookie mistakes. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or shake my head at myself. By the early hours, I left the bar scene behind, deciding to return to my room solo. The driver, whom I generously tipped, texted me the next day offering further rides. I appreciated his professionalism, especially considering how easily things could have gone wrong.

When Rack arrived from Phuket, the remainder of my trip included more of her small requests like clothes and a plane ticket back home. She didn’t directly ask me for money, but there were enough hints that I knew she was doing fine without it. We stayed in touch briefly after I returned to Canada, though she would disappear for weeks at a time. I suspect she had other romantic interests.

Reflecting on my trip, I learned a lot about Thailand’s nightlife, the country’s charm, and a bit about myself. It’s safe to say I’ll never forget this trip, and I hope to share part two soon. Until then, all the best Frank.

Story Three: From a Phuket Massage Shop to Marriage

My story started in August 2011. I arrived in Patong Beach and started exploring the sights, including a bar and restaurant recommended by a friend of mine. I still frequent this restaurant every time I’ve been to Thailand and now consider them as family, as they consider me as family.

Meeting the Massage Girl in Patong

The second day of my visit in Patong, I was walking past a massage shop. A girl asked me if I wanted a massage, so I said, “Yes, why not? But just a massage,” if you know what I mean. So she gave me a great traditional Thai massae. After the massage was over, she said, “You come back tomorrow.” I said okay. I went back a few times, and she asked me for my phone number, and she gave me hers.

Dhen on the Thursday, she said, “I’m not working tomorrow. Would you like to go out for the day?” She had a taxi-driver friend who would take her sightseeing for the day. So they picked me up from my hotel on the Friday morning, and we went to the Big Buddha, Wat Chalong, and a couple of other touristy spots. That night, we went to my friend’s motorcycle themed restaurant and a bar, had dinner, and I cautiously asked one of the Thai guys who was okay, “Can you figure this girl out?” After he spoke to her, he said to me, “She seems okay, but be careful.”

That night, she came back to my hotel for drinks and stayed the night. We had breakfast together the next morning. She then had to return to her massage shop because Buddhist monks were conducting a religious service in her shop. I went to the service, then I had to leave to catch a flight to Singapore two nights in Singapore, and then home to Melbourne.

We kept in contact for about 4 weeks. Then one night, I received a photo from her, and she had a black eye. I said to her, “What happened?” She said, “I fell over in my shop.” She then said she went to the doctors and the doctor told her not to work, but she said she had to because her family were in trouble. “Could she also borrow 30,000 baht?” which at the time was $1,000 Australian dollars. I replied I didn’t have that sort of money. I actually did I just didn’t want to give it to her.

She then went silent on me for over a week. After analyzing a photo of us and the photo of her with a black eye, her eyebrows were shaped differently. Obviously, this was an old photo. When she contacted me, she said, “You’re in my heart.” I replied, “Don’t try to scam me, okay.” She said, “I’m not,” and I never heard from her again.

The Waitress from the Phuket Restaurant

Between this time, I had booked another flight back to Phuket in November. I tried to cancel the flight but I could not get a refund. Then a close friend of mine said he would come with me to Phuket so we could play golf and go to a Thai cooking school. We stayed for a week in Patong, hired a motor scooter, and hung out at my friend’s bar and also another bar opposite where we were staying where I made some more friends who I still keep in contact with up until this day.

The Thai guy I mentioned earlier said to me, “What happened with that girl back in August?” I told him what happened. He said he was sorry to hear that. He then tried matchmaking me with a waitress who was also the restaurant’s accountant.

When I went back to Australia, I kept in contact with her on Skype and by phone, and a relationship developed between us. I then went back to Phuket in February 2012. She booked me into a guest house next to the bar opposite where me and my friend stayed owned by a Swiss guy and his Thai wife (his wife works very long hours as an accountant as well).

I found the lady I was with to be very hot headed, but never once did she ask me for money. She actually paid for the accommodation during my time there. It was my birthday she took me out for dinner, then we celebrated at my Thai friend’s restaurant. The next day, she was supposed to finish work at 5:00 p.m., but her boss let her finish early at about 11:00 a.m., so she took me to Nai Yang Beach near Phuket Airport for lunch, then dropped me off for the flight back to Melbourne.

I then went back again in May 2012. This time I stayed at her house in Kathu. She owned a two story townhouse in an estate. I stayed there for two nights, then we drove to Krabi for three nights. During this time, she was so relaxed and calm. We spent some time at a Mexican restaurant managed by an expat Aussie I met back in Patong in 2011.

When we got back to Phuket, she started with the angry attitude again. The last day I was there, I had to go at her, saying, “What is your problem?” I was going to go and get a taxi to the airport, but she drove me instead and was crying when I went through immigration. After I got home, we both decided to end the relationship after 5 months.

Finding Love Through a Thai Dating Site

In August 2012, I decided to go on a Thai dating site. I looked up this girl’s profile she already lived in Australia and in Melbourne so I sent her a message. She replied, then after a week I gave her my phone number, she gave me hers. I made it clear that I did not want children and had two children from my previous marriage. She said that was okay.

Hen, after a month, we physically met for lunch in Melbourne. She lived in Australia first studying hairdressing, then she was studying business management that’s when I met her. We had another date the next day lunch, movie, then dinner. Her English was great, but I had to teach her some Australian slang.

I follow Australian football, and my team was playing in the finals. I told her this, and she said, “There’s a sports bar near here we could watch the match and have a drink or two.” By the last quarter, my team were getting beaten, and she was laughing.

The next weekend on the Saturday, we went for a drive and a picnic to Country Victoria. It was then that romance started to develop between us.

In the November that year, she was going back to Thailand for 3 weeks to visit family. I thought to myself, if I’m going to have a long-term commitment to this girl, I need to visit her family. So I took a week off work and was able to get on the same flight as her. When I told her, she was absolutely excited that I was making the effort to visit her family.

Meeting Her Family in Bangkok

I spent a week in Bangkok meeting her family. They are lovely people they would not let me pay for anything and still do not to this day. The relationship developed between us, then in February I asked her to marry me. She said yes.

We were married in June 2013 and are still happily married as when we first met.

Buying a House and Taking a Family Loan

I was renting a house, and she was renting a flat with two other students. In 2013, she moved in with me. A year later, we decided to buy a house together. We did not have enough deposit to avoid the lender’s mortgage insurance we needed at least 20% deposit. She said, “No problem.” One of her sisters and her husband in Bangkok run a very successful wholesale hardware business and are very wealthy. She spoke to her sister, and she lent us $80,000 to avoid the lender’s mortgage insurance. She said she is not in a hurry for the money just to pay it back when she could afford it and the exchange rate was good.

We go back to Thailand every year. In 2014, we went to Japan and had a great time there and attended my sister-in-law’s wedding in Bangkok.

The Father-in-Law’s Passing and a Thai Funeral

In early 2017, my father-in-law became very sick and was in hospital. My wife went back to Thailand to visit him. I could not go at that time because of work commitments, but we were planning to go in April 2018. My father-in-law’s illness got worse. My wife said she was going back again, and that was in September 2017. When I saw the photos of him, I said, “I’m coming too.” I’m glad I did, because 6 weeks later we were back in Thailand for his funeral.

The funeral went on for 5 days. The family made a request of me for the last day of the funeral ceremony: to be ordained as a monk. It is Thai custom that the oldest male and the youngest male of the family perform the role of a monk for the cremation ceremony. The oldest in the family (my brother-in-law) was recovering from a motorcycle accident, so his son performed the role on his behalf. The rest of the siblings are all girls, with my wife being the youngest. So, being the spouse of my wife, the family asked me to perform this role. They were surprised how well I adapted to the role and are forever grateful.

Her Career and Life in Australia

My wife’s educational background: she has a master’s degree in computer science and engineering and also civil engineering in water resources. She also studied English language in the US, where her cousin lives in Boston.

When we first met, she was working in a supermarket in a deli and bakery near where she lived. In 2019, she started a course as a patient services assistant for 6 months. She then got a job with Victoria’s largest healthcare provider on a casual basis. Then in June 2020, she picked up a permanent full-time job in the local hospital 10 minutes from where we live. When she worked at the supermarket, it used to take her over an hour to get to work.

In closing, I picked the right soulmate to be with for the rest of my life. The right one is out there for you you just need to be careful and make the right choice.