A Young Metalhead’s Bangkok Journey

My name is R. I am a 27 year old male from Eastern Europe. A guy who lived below average income as a kid, but I was blessed with opportunities in my life. Except for my poor lifestyle in the late eighties, my father was a man with influence in a communist regime country. He had the opportunity to visit other countries, not just in Europe, but in Asia as well.

I was 22 in 2019 a poor farmer boy from the countryside in my country. And somehow I was blessed with the opportunity to have an exchange experience with a guy from Thailand. To explain my state of mind at the time I was a kid raised in a family with divorced parents since I was 12. My father living in Spain since I was three and my mother in Italy since I was nine. I had an older brother who kept me alive until then. I had always worked since I was 14. It was normal in our village. Kids used to work much earlier.

The Airport Fiasco

When I arrived in Bangkok airport, it was July. I was expecting heat, but for God’s sake, it was something from hell. In retrospect, I think it was more about the humidity than the heat itself. I was lost because I forgot to enable roaming on my phone, and I lost contact with my caretakers who were supposed to pick me up. I waited for about an hour. I spent most of my money on two beers and a pack of cigarettes. I expected everyone to react like in my country where no one cares if someone drinks in the airport. But it was not that simple.

In that moment, I was a true heavy metal fan with long hair and a long beard, but still cute as a 22 year old guy. I cannot recall exactly, but two or three policemen or guards came and asked for my passport. I was not in my full command, and as I reached into my backpack, one of my large rings fell off. It had a pentagram. It was embarrassing, but they let me continue searching until I handed over my documents.

They asked to search me, which scared me, but I accepted. They put a metal detector on me which I failed because I forgot my necklace. I tried again and failed again. I took off my shirt and failed again. I dropped my jeans and failed again. I dropped my boots and socks and was left in a room with four men and three women. I was more red than a tomato. I stayed more than 9 hours in that room. Finally, the parents of the exchange student found me and vouched for me.

A Second Chance With A Thai Family

After 20 minutes of awkward silence in a small old Toyota, we arrived at their home. I was so ashamed that my first impression was as a nearly naked detained metalhead. The mother if I recall correctly, her name was May finally spoke. Her voice was soft, not angry. She said, “You had an exciting arrival, no” and tried to smile. I nodded and stared at my boots, which I held in my lap like a life preserver.

Their house was not what I expected. It was a tall, narrow building squeezed between two others with a small shop selling drinks and food on the ground floor. We walked up tiled stairs to the living area. It was simple but clean. A large photograph of the king was on the wall, reminding me of communist houses with portraits. The smell of incense mixed with lemongrass and chili hung in the air.

I tried to apologize for the airport, but he laughed and said it’s okay. His father was military, and airport security in Thailand is no joke, he told me. I was lucky not to be in jail, he said. So cheerfully, I laughed it off.

Finding Peace In Thailand

The next few days were a blur of new sensations. The heat felt like a physical weight compared to my country. The food was so spicy it made my eyes water, but I could not stop eating it because it was so good. The noise of motorbikes and street vendors was constant chaos, but the kindness was the biggest shock. Everyone smiled and looked like they were having the best day of their life.

May taught me how to properly wai to her parents. I showed her Romanian folk metal, which made her look horrified. She took me to a temple where the monks chanted, and for the first time since childhood I felt peace without a beer bottle.

The Family Who Saw Past The Metalhead

One evening I sat with the father outside drinking sweet milky tea. The sky orange and purple one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen. He said he had been very angry about the airport. My heart sank. But then he said his wife saw something when the guards searched me. She said I was red as a tomato, but I never got angry. I was embarrassed but polite. A bad man would have shouted, but I looked like a lost boy. She told him, “This boy needs a family for a little while.

I did not know what to say. I looked at the empty spaces on my hands where my rings had been. I was just a boy from a broken home who thought drinking and being loud was a personality. But they saw past that past the piercings and the shield. They saw me as a boy from the village they once were.

And in that moment, I began to understand that this exchange was not just about seeing a new country. It was about seeing a new version of myself one not defined by the past, but built slowly and kindly in the present.

Real Love Beyond The Bars

“Not all Thai women are bar girls. My real love story.”

Dating in the UAE was a completely different ball game. I did meet some great women through Tinder, but far too many encounters were blatantly transactional, and many were openly chasing wealthy men not the least bit shy about asking for things up front. It was a reminder that this kind of behavior is not unique to Thailand. It exists everywhere. The difference was that in Abu Dhabi and Dubai, it often felt more exposed, more in your face. And through it all, what I found myself missing most was the warmth, sincerity, and authenticity I’d always experienced with genuine Thai women I had met previously.

By December 2021, Thailand reopened, and I took a 3 week trip back while my son stayed with his mom. It felt amazing to be home again. During that trip, I went on Tinder again, and that is where I met the woman who would change everything. She was 38 from Udon Thani a senior manager for a European company in Bangkok. Previously married, but with no children. On paper, she seemed perfect. And in person, she was even better.

Over the next couple of weeks, I cancelled other plans just to spend more time with her. As my trip was coming to an end, I knew I wanted this relationship to continue, even if it meant managing it long distance.

Honesty Before The Relationship

The Pink Suitcase Moment

But just as we started having that conversation, an unexpected issue surfaced something that could easily have derailed everything before it had a chance to begin. On my earlier trip, while on a short getaway with a Thai friend with benefits, I had casually sent her a photo of where I was staying. What I had not noticed at the time was that the shot included a bright pink suitcase in plain view.

Unfortunately, she spotted it immediately. She knew it was not mine as she had been to my condo before, and quickly connected the dots. When she confronted me about it, I knew there was no cover story that would hold up. So I chose honesty and admitted it belonged to a casual friend I had been away with before we met. But I reassured her that I had no interest in that woman and had stopped seeing her.

I braced myself for everything to fall apart right there. But to my surprise, she simply thanked me for being truthful and said, “We were not together, so I cannot be mad.” That moment of honesty became the foundation of trust that shaped our entire relationship moving forward which included both of us deleting our Tinder accounts.

From then on, things only grew stronger. She visited me in Abu Dhabi several times, paying her own way and never once asking me for money. She was independent and self-sufficient and the first woman I ever introduced to my son as my girlfriend. After a few months, I knew she was the one.

Understanding Thai Culture

I’m a 65 year old Yank who has lived in Jomtien, Hua Hin, and Central Pattaya for 2 years, though not in that order. In my seven months in Hua Hin, I haven’t really dated, and acquisition of LINE IDs of pretty girls have been few and far between like maybe two. That was not the case in either Jomtien or Central Pattaya, but it’s nice to live for a while in a city that, while it also has a beach, boasts an economy that isn’t centered on beer bars.

In all three beach cities, I formed some observations about Thai culture of which women are a subset which may prove helpful to readers who have never set foot in the kingdom.

The US, UK, and Canada are individualist cultures which generally celebrate independence and heroic risk. Southeast Asian societies are collective, where the family unit remains intact. They stay unified for life economically, conversationally, spiritually, and culturally. In terms of priority, farang dates, boyfriends, and husbands rank after mama, papa, grandparents, children, and sometimes even siblings living at home even if home is a 6 or 8 hour bus trip north of the city where the girl is employed.

In such a collective society, while it may seem odd to Westerners, it matters little if their date or wife’s brother is scarcely employed or not altogether responsible. This is not to generalize or slight Thai males. My point is more about the closeness that endures regardless of their fortune or the lack thereof. We all understand this as an element of a nation where there is little that passes as a social safety net. Thailand is not socialist, nor was it ever colonized. Sticking together is paramount.

Family Comes First In Thailand

I’m emphasizing these things to provide context to expatriate or vacationing males seeking temporary companionship or long-term romance. Thais eat in groups, drive through intersections in groups, enjoy food breaks from working groups several times during a workday (not once as Westerners do), party or club in groups, and think it odd that farang dine, attend movies, travel, or even live alone or that we reside here so long without seeing loved ones back in our native countries. It can be instructive to date or romance Thai women with these differences in mind.

Where The Foreigner Fits In

So, where does the short or long term foreigner fit in “Up to you,” to use a local expression. Your role can vary from social diversion to economic sponsor, with shades of gray in between. One’s understanding of these interim shades, in my opinion, is central to one’s ability to adapt and survive here. Thais, including women, have the same goals, drives, and interests as anyone else around the world. It’s just that Southeast Asian families function as units, whether or not you as a boyfriend or date have ever met 90 percent of the members of that unit.

Women in tourist cities often go back to live in their hometowns for weeks or months at a time. Thai women live far different lives than their Western counterparts. They can squat comfortably on sidewalks or hard floors for hours at a time, especially if eating or talking and often both. They generally get about on motorcycles. They can ride side-saddle on the backs of motorbikes wearing high heels while scrolling on their smartphones. They eat many times a day at their whim and taste yet generally don’t gain weight. They date men from cultures thousands of miles away. They date men they’ve never seen for months with the exception of FaceTime calls. They work 15 days between days off. They sleep in the daytime.

Different Lives Of Thai Women

Let me classify a few of the girls with non-nightlife jobs who visited me. One of my most frequent Jomtien guests was 32 from Udon Thani. Very good English not excellent, but better than 90 percent of those I’ve been with. Employed in a hotel, very attractive, with no tattoos. I had a one nighter with a beauty salon staffer who later asked for help opening her own place. No dice.

Non Nightlife Women In Pattaya

I invited a girl probably 29 to 31 who worked in a cosmetic surgery clinic. The last time she visited me was to clean my condo for 500 baht. When she was done, she showered and we spent time together, and I gave her another 1,000 baht.

A lovely full-figured girl I met on the ground level of Central Festival Mall visited once and asked for no money. She prepares home-cooked food and delivers it to customers. The next time I text her, she responded she had a boyfriend. Then there’s a petite tour guide an emergency rescue worker from Buriram who visits Pattaya to hang out with girlfriends or leads small tour groups. Mid-30s, no tattoos, very good English. When she comes over, we’ve never so much as kissed. When my father, god-sister, and female cousin were in Thailand, she was their tour guide. She slept at my place while family was here. Still no romance.

Funny story sometimes when she is with a girlfriend in Pattaya, a foreigner will ask her how much. Since she doesn’t go with men, she ignores them or tells them she doesn’t. If they persist, to get rid of them, she says 10,000 baht.

A Personal Story About Fawn

I invited to my hotel a 33 year old girl I hadn’t seen since my move to Hua Hin. She has worked in supermarkets, bars, temples, and Bangkok offices. Let’s call her Fawn to make the story easier. Fawn is very pensive. She makes observations in great English not like an international school grad, but as good as some others.

She told me of a girlfriend who frequents host bars. A host bar is an establishment where young Thai women go for largely the same reason farang go to beer bars. The hosts are attractive, fit Thai men. Fawn doesn’t like going to these spots with her friends. I asked her why. She told me the men aren’t attractive to her and are too young, and she isn’t attracted to Southeast Asian guys. So she deems it a waste of her money even if she had the money, it bores her.

Fawn also said a lot of men ignore her Thai Friendly profile which states a certain ethnic preference. Like all women, she is surprised men hit on her when she is casually dressed or not wearing makeup, such as during laundry visits.

I trust these insights will help foreign men fill in some mental gaps. Thank you for reading my story out once again.

A Backpacker Tale From 1994

Back To Thailand In 1994

Back to 1994 when I visited Thailand. I guess the world was more simple in those days without internet, without mobile phones. As a backpacker, I never knew where I was going to sleep the next day. We traveled around Thailand for 6 weeks. We visited Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai, Mae Hong Son, the River Kwai, the island of Koh Samui, and Bangkok.

While on the island of Koh Samui, we stayed in a homestay that was run by a lovely old couple that kept insisting we should make babies because we were married. We had no intentions in that direction. Luckily, because a year later, our marriage crashed. I guess we got married too young being high school sweethearts.

Meeting Na On Koh Samui

We also met a guy who was a retired diver who lived with a young lady. We thought she was his daughter because age-wise, she could have been but after listening to these stories, I realized she was his wife or girlfriend. We stayed in Koh Samui for a week and went every evening to a beach bar.

On the second evening, we met a beautiful young lady that started hanging out with us. She was our age, and we chatted about everything and nothing like youngsters do. On the third day or so, she told us she was a ladyboy. We were completely naive and had no idea what a ladyboy was. We only discovered this later when we got back home. I still have fond memories of her. Her name was Na. She took us around the island on a scooter and showed us around. In exchange, we bought her some drinks, shared meals, and we had a good time together. Nothing inappropriate happened. She was such a warm and friendly person. Writing this story makes me think about her. She must be in her 50s now but I never hear anything from you in these stories about older ladyboys. I wonder what happened to her.

The Night Out Alone

We finalized our backpacking adventures in Bangkok, and that is where things went a little crazy. We had some arguments about the ladies who gave me a lot of attention. I guess my then-wife was a bit jealous. We didn’t go to Patpong or any of the lady areas, but just random girls in stores and restaurants always wanted a photo with me and wanted to chat with me to try their English and for some reason, never with my wife. It also didn’t seem to bother them that I was hand-in-hand with my wife when they approached me.

So, one evening, my wife had a headache, and she convinced me I should go out and hang out with some ladies. I was young and didn’t understand women very well. Looking back, this was not a good idea, of course.

I went out for a beer and met two girls in a bar. There were no lady drinks just normal drinks. I bought them a beer, which was very cheap, but they really seemed to enjoy this and were all over me. I told them I was married and my wife was in the hotel room, but they didn’t worry about that. They told me for $100, I could take them both to a room in a nearby hotel for some drinks in a private room and have some fun together. That sounded like a good idea to me since my wife told me I could and she had a headache anyway. And so we did. Boy, that was an incredible experience. They were a little younger than me, I guess, but had much more experience in the romance department, if you know what I mean. How naive I was back then. Haha.

So, a word of advice from the married travelers what happens in Thailand stays in Thailand I guess she never overcame this adventure, because a year later, we split up. A couple of years after that, I met my current wife. And as I mentioned in the beginning, we are happily married for 26 years, and I have never desired another lady.

The Taxi Driver And The Missing Baht

The ugly taxi story.

One evening I was out and about in Bangkok and finished up my evening near Soi 4 Nana with some friends. I settled the account at the bar and realized I needed some money for a taxi home. Having enjoyed a number of drinks, I went to the nearby ATM to get some money. I took out 10,000 baht. At this point, an eager taxi driver was observing me and offered his service.

I jumped in the taxi and requested that he take me to my hotel Central Grand Central World. The driver took me this short distance; however, cleverly pulled up some distance short of my hotel and advised I needed to exit his taxi there as he could then join the taxi rank nearby. Had he stopped at my hotel lobby, he would have had witnesses hotel staff and security cameras. I had no issues with the 100 meter walk.

The Short Stop Near The Hotel

I handed him the 1,000 baht as I had no change since the ATM only distributed 1,000 baht notes. I waited for my change. Suddenly he looked at me and said, “200 baht.” I said, “Yes, 200 baht.” He said, “You have to give me money.” I said, “What I’m not hearing this correctly.” He said, “You have to give me money.

“Mate, I’m drunk but I’m not stupid. I gave you the money already.” “No,” he said, “you don’t give me any money.” I pulled out my cash and counted exactly 9,000 baht. I said to him, “I’ve just been to the ATM and withdrawn 10,000 baht. I gave you 1,000 baht.” He said, “No, you didn’t.

I said, “Drive me to the police station and we can talk this one out with the police.” He said, “No. What to do” I took a photograph of his ID, him, and his car. I told him I didn’t like it and I didn’t appreciate what he was doing. He only opened his wallet and said, “Look, I only have 300 baht here. If I took your money, you would see it here.” I took the 300 baht out of his wallet and told him I was unimpressed with his treatment of me and exited the taxi.

When I reflect on this story again, I’m 100 percent right. I had given him the money otherwise, why would he allow me to take the 300 baht out of his wallet or refuse to go to the police