A Foreigner Marrying a Korean Woman – Ends In Tears
This is a story about me, a foreigner marrying a Korean woman.
The scamming, racism, discrimination, dishonesty, and ruthlessness are not from the Korean wife but from her family, friends, the Korean legal system, and the Korean government.
Even with a great marriage, you might be marrying into a culture that despises you.
In many Asian cultures the foreigner spouse and even the half foreign children are outsiders, there to be scammed and disrespected by in-laws, the government and the legal system.
The Hidden Risks of a Korean Marriage
You might have a wonderful wife but this story is a warning about the dishonesty and racism you can face from your wife’s family, friends and a foreign society in general, in a country that is very nationalistic.
Every Korean family is different, of course.
I personally know of 6 men who had their Korean wives passed away and in each case the Korean in-laws were nasty, ruthless and even stole from children.
Maybe there are some foreign men whose Korean in-laws were decent people. I personally don’t know of any cases.
In my case and the case of others, the Korean in-laws will be mostly polite, as a sign of respect to their daughter, but once she passes away the gloves come off.
Marriage Across a Cultural Divide
You don’t have a blood bond. You are genetically different. There is a language barrier. You are an inferior person (especially if from South East Asia)
In August 2004, I met my Korean wife while walking along the beach with a buddy of mine. 3 months later we were married.
We were happily married for 16 years until she passed away from cancer 16 years later in August 2020.
I was very much admired. My wife was a real catch. Stylish, elegant, pretty, slim, intelligent, graceful, classy.
She was the type of woman that business and political leaders marry.
A Korean Wife Who Seemed Perfect
I was just an average, maybe below average man with an amazing lady.
Unfortunately we never had a child.
It always broke my heart to see other men playing with their children, but I could not do that.
I always knew I’d be a fantastic father.
I’m intelligent, tall, strong, and fit. I don’t smoke or drink.
The Pain of Never Having Children
It was disappointing not having a child because I knew guys that were losers, welfare bums, and alcoholics, that had children.
I was doing the right thing but no children.
My wife had been married before to a Korean man, she told me that he abused her.
She looked after herself very well, went to the gym, was slim and later when she was in her late 40’s had a bikini body that would put women in their 20’s to shame.
Despite this I could tell that she had given birth before as she had a little stretch mark.
A Secret About Her First Child
I asked about this and she said that yes she had given birth before, but that the baby had passed away at birth.
This is very traumatic for a woman so I never enquired any more about it.
We tried to have a child, she got some medical treatment, but nothing happened.
She had at one stage discussed adopting a child but I was not keen on adoption.
I later discovered she really did not want to have a child.
Respecting a Korean Wife
In this story in no way do I wish to be negative towards my wife.
She was a wonderful wife, not perfect, then again neither am I.
I was to discover a secret 10 years later.
It turns out the baby she gave birth to had never passed away but was raised by an Aunt, she found our address and came to our home. I was not home at the time.
My wife said she had something to tell me.
The Truth About Her Daughter
She was crying a lot and told me that she lied about the death of her baby.
Her child was now I think 18 years old.
I don’t know why she told such a horrible lie. Maybe it has something to do with Korean culture.
Now I knew why we did not have a child, she already had a child.
How could she have a child with me, and have that child live with us while her first child was being raised by her father’s sister.
An Abandoned Daughter Returns
My wife did not have any contact with her daughter, nor did anyone from my wife’s family. In effect the daughter was abandoned, I don’t know why.
Years later there was an American guy working at the same place as me, his wife also passed away from cancer.
After she died, he also discovered his wife had a secret child that he did not know about, and had been abandoned.
I met my wife’s daughter. She spoke no English (despite years of English lessons), and my Korean was very basic.
Despite this I was always very nice to her, as she was my wife’s daughter. Out of respect for my wife I should respect her daughter. Always I’d buy her something for her birthday, and Christmas, and she was always welcome to our home.
A Distant Relationship with Her Daughter
Despite the warmth that I showed her, she was polite but always distant.
My wife was disappointed with her daughter as the meetings between them always involved money. The daughter complaining that she needs money.
The daughter was living in a poorer part of town with the aunt and working a minimum wage job in a fast food place.
My wife found it difficult to become attached to her daughter because of all the money requests.
Despite this, my wife did give her daughter money, a few thousand here and there to help pay for additional schooling.
Lost Money on Unfinished Courses
That turned out to be a waste of money as she would start a course but not finish.
Our life was fantastic. I had a cushy job, and the money was OK.
We lived in a nice large apartment near the most popular beach in Korea. Had a dog, bought a boat and ran a little scuba diving business. Travelled overseas 3 or 4 times a year.
We had plenty of money, a nice home, leisure activities, holidays, a stable hassle-free marriage.
We had a lifestyle that most people would envy. Weekends at the marina on the boat, parties.
A Comfortable Life in Korea
As life goes we were easily in the top 5% in Korea.
In 2016 my wife started to get a bit bloated, I thought what’s going on here, is it just her getting older.
We did not realise that this was the start of ovarian cancer. The most lethal cancer.
In July 2016 we went on a great scuba diving holiday in the Philippines. This was going to be our last overseas trip together.
In November 2016 just after my birthday she felt some pain during bedroom time, so she went to the women’s clinic.
The First Signs of Cancer
They found some growths. In most cases these growths are not dangerous so we stayed calm.
After more testing it was discovered that she had cancer.
We had a very healthy lifestyle, so were shocked that she had cancer.
What I later discovered is that Korean doctors lie a lot to their patients. I think it’s what they are taught. Their way of being kind is to offer false hope.
She had stage 4 ovarian cancer. The survival rate is extremely small.
Searching for a Cancer Cure
I knew nothing about cancer so I spent hours on the internet trying to find a solution.
There was nothing, I did not want her to undergo chemotherapy as I knew it really doesn’t work but there wasn’t much we could do about it.
Culturally Koreans have a lot of faith in doctors.
Christmas 2016, my wife goes into surgery. Operation lasts 6 hours, at one stage she stops breathing.
Despite all the scans, the doctors “find” cancer they did not know existed.
Cancer Treatment Changes Everything
I found that hard to believe, they ended up removing part of her bowel and she wakes up with a colostomy bag attached to her abdomen.
She was meant to be in intensive care, but the place was driving her crazy, so after 12 hours she requested to go into the general ward.
24 hours later she was walking up and down the ward despite having 6 different drips attached to her body. She was tough and a fighter.
During the next 4 years she put up an incredible fight that she had no chance of winning.
Horrible skin rashes that covered her body, immense pain. Nothing helped.
Caring for My Wife Through Cancer
I spent 4 years sleeping on the sofa as it’s near the bedroom.
At one stage my wife could see I was struggling (by this time I had insomnia which would continue for 7 years and affected my health). She asked me if I wanted a divorce.
I was shocked by that question and I said no. We married for better/worse, sickness/health, and I was going to keep my promise.
I’m catholic, probably not a very good catholic but I’m not going to abandon a sick wife. If I was the one with cancer she would not abandon me.
I had to cut back on work and she could not work.
The Cost of Cancer and Isolation
No more overseas trips, no diving, no boating, less income, lots of medical expenses.
During the 4 years we rarely saw her daughter. She did visit her mother sometimes during chemotherapy, and of course my wife got requests for money. My wife did give her a few thousand.
I’m not after any sympathy, yes I had a hard time but I did not have cancer. My difficulty was only 1% of her difficulty.
Towards the end I just had to stand aside and just let her pass away.
We had 2 properties, a smaller one her mother lived in that was in my name. I was holding this property in trust for my wife’s mother. I don’t know why we had this arrangement.
Our Home Was in My Wife’s Name
Our main home was in my wife’s name. I made a big contribution and during her cancer paid the mortgage.
My wife wanted me to have the apartment that we lived in. I did not discuss this with her until she became very sick, To discuss earlier would be to admit she will pass away.
To transfer the apartment to my name presented a few problems.
First lots of tax to be paid. Second there was a mortgage and Korean banks usually don’t lend to foreigners.
Eventually my wife made a will, she did not want to consult lawyers and was bedridden.
Family Advice Creates New Problems
She was advised by her sister. Her sister agreed to be executor.
My wife wrote out the will, signed it, had 2 friends sign as witnesses, her sister signed the will, and agreed to be executor.
I did not like the sister being executor as I did not trust her. My wife is going to die, I’m not going to tell my wife that her sister is dishonest.
My wife has an elderly mother that she used to give money to from her business, which later did not make money.
My wife’s sister did not give money to her mother as she was too lazy to work, and just stayed home all day.
Money Problems with Korean In Laws
Koreans do some really weird stuff with money. My wife passed away with no money in her retirement account. For some reason she was paying into her sister’s retirement account.
My wife worked, had no money in her retirement account when she passed away, Her sister, not having worked has money in her retirement account. Anyway, that’s what my wife wanted to do so that’s ok.
A few times a year I had to meet my wife’s family.
I was always shocked because my wife was very refined and classy with excellent table manners and refinement.
In contrast her family were like hillbillies, during meals they always chewed loudly, and the men although civil lacked the finer graces such as opening the door for their wives, and wearing cheap polyester clothes.
A Disrespectful Visit from Family
The worst was when one family member (I won’t say who) would stay with us for a few days and use the toilet and leave the door open whilst emptying their bowels.
These people had no money and always drove very cheap cars.
Maybe I‘m just being a snob.
Why am I telling you this about her family? It’s their mindset. Unrefined, no class, need money (Needing money is the most important part)
My wife was getting closer and closer to passing away.
Another Korean Wife Faces Cancer
A few weeks before my wife died a friend of mine that is Canadian, his Korean wife also had cancer. She passed away. She had never worked and they had 2 young boys.
My friend bought life insurance for his wife, and she received a payout from the insurance policy.
That money was used for medical bills.
After she passed away there was still a lot of money left in her bank account.
My friend is now a widower in a foreign country with 2 young boys. He needs that money for his children. My friend’s Korean in-laws somehow managed to empty his wife’s bank account. Effectively these people were stealing from children.
A Foreigner Defends His Experience in Korea
I’ve lived in Korea 20 years, I’m not anti Korean, I’m not racist.
There are some wonderful aspects to Korean society, every place has pluses and minuses.
I have learned through various experiences to know to be nice, polite and helpful but trust no one and watch your back.
I kept a low profile in Korea.
The Police and court system are biased against foreigners.
Why Foreigners Need to Stay Careful in Korea
Of course being careful has to be done everywhere but more so in Korea.
Violent crime and drug crime is rare but corruption, fraud and rip offs are rampant.
Yes, I was generalizing. I thought if Korean in-laws will steal from their own grandchildren, nieces and nephews, what will they try to do to me.
August 2020 its breakfast time for my wife but she does not want to eat, so I wait, maybe she’ll eat later.
I make a shake for her, The shake is gone.
My Wife’s Health Declines
I did not know at the time but she was pouring her shakes into the bin next to the bed, She’s getting worse, so I call her best friend and we take my wife to the hospital.
I don’t like to get in the way of health professionals and my hanging around achieves nothing.
Having taken my wife to the hospital so many times for treatment I became very uncomfortable being in that place.
Next day I go to the hospital.
Surrounding the bed are my wife’s relatives, they initially don’t move and don’t let me get near her. I had to push in to get to her.
My Wife Becomes Critically Ill
At this stage she was just skin and bones, could barely talk because her cheeks were so hollow.
She looked so different that whenever someone from her distant family saw her they would start crying.
I knew the family did not want me there and felt very uncomfortable.
I have a strange reaction when I’m very sad and distressed, my throat tightens up and I actually can’t talk.
It was 3 days before she finally died, my wife’s sister wanted to talk to me, we went into another room, and she insisted that I transfer the apartment that my wife’s mother was living in, to herself.
Family Distrust During a Medical Crisis
First I was very upset because my wife was at the end of her life, second my wife’s sister’s priority was a property and finally they did not trust me.
My wife cared very much for her mother so did I. I would never harm my mother-in-law.
The doctors wanted to give my wife more treatment. I’m her husband. They initially didn’t ask me, they asked my wife’s sister.
I stepped in and said it’s my decision.
I told the doctor to withhold treatment and let her go. He insisted she have more treatment and that there was hope.
My Wife Was Living in Severe Pain
She was not living, she was in so much pain.
I did not stay at the hospital full time.
My wife’s family resented me for this. I visited every day, but my wife was semi comatose.
I had been with my wife loyally for 4 years, carrying her to the bathroom, cleaning her up, feeding her. I had to do everything by myself.
Not being in the hospital room full time with her whilst she’s in a coma made me a bad husband.
Protecting Myself from False Accusations
They did not want me there and I did not want to be alone in the same room with her daughter in case of false accusations.
Korean courts and police are biased against foreigners, so you have to watch your back.
I’d had false accusations levelled at me before.
My wife could not talk, but her eyes were open. I leaned over spoke into her ear, told her that I love her.
She heard me because all of a sudden there were tears in her eyes.
The Last Time I Spoke to My Wife
That was the last time I spoke to her. Slowly her heart was getting slower.
A nurse hooked up my wife to an antibiotic drip. I asked, why?. Just one more item to add to her medical bill.
I went home that night and asked to get a call once her heart beat is slower.
The hospital people were upset that I went home but I had very little sleep, my legs were buckling, and I was weak
In Korea I have no family, no one to help me if I get sick, I have to look after myself.
Fear of Being Forgotten After Her Death
If I were to pass away my wife’s family would celebrate.
I got a call in the morning, to come to the hospital.
To try to keep my sanity I went with my dog early in the morning, we sat under a tree and I prayed.
I got a call in the morning, to come to the hospital. I hurried home, and then went to the hospital, it was a long trip so by the time I got there she had already passed.
I’m not familiar with Korean government paperwork. When my wife was alive she organized everything.
Jewelry Disappears After Her Death
My wife was wearing a little bit of jewelry, a necklace and earrings, they went missing.
At the hospital I meet my wife’s daughter, and my wife’s sister. They had some kind of official government paper work in their hands. Turns out it was my wife’s death certificate.
I asked, did you get a copy for me? No, Gee thanks
I then need to meet with the funeral director, and I’m shown documents to sign.
I have no idea what these documents are so I ask a friend to help me out.
A Helpful Korean Friend Is Misunderstood
This was an older Korean lady, she has a German husband.
She likes my dog and sometimes used to come with walks with us
My wife’s family see her and immediately conclude she’s my girlfriend. Amazing.
I have to choose some items for the funeral.
My wife was Buddhist, some things I don’t understand. They show me photos of flower arrangements. The flower arrangements are all white and in a horseshoe shape.
The Meaning of Korean Funeral Flowers
I don’t understand why always white and in a horseshoe shape. I thought the flower arrangement was ugly. My wife was very classy and liked bright colours.
I declined the flower arrangement, This made the funeral director and family angry.
I discovered a few days later why the flowers are in a horse shoe shape.
A portrait of the persons funeral goes in the middle.
Funerals in Korea are a big money making scam especially Buddhist funerals.
The High Cost of a Buddhist Funeral
You need to show your love and assure your wife a good place in her next life by spending a lot. My wife was a humble woman.
Outside the funeral room, there is always a photo of the deceased person. The photos always look like a licence or passport photo. I chose a photo of my wife wearing a hat with a beautiful smile.
I left the funeral hall with my Korean lady friend who kindly helped me with translations.
I then had to invite my wife’s friends to come to the wake.
Did my wife’s family help? Of course not.
Arranging the Funeral Wake
I got my wife’s phone and in a coffee shop someone showed us how to send a message about the wake to all of the people in my wife’s contact list. The wake was for 2 ½ days.
As per Korean custom, my wife’s photo was on a table, some fruit (normally flowers but I said no). I put her scuba mask on the table because she loved scuba diving.
Every person that visited would bow to the photo, and as her husband I also bowed on the floor.
I’m not Buddhist but I respected my wife’s religion so I was happy to participate in the Buddhist ceremony.
At the wake, only a single person from my wife’s large extended family came up to me to offer any condolences.
A Quiet Gesture at the Funeral
My wife’s Aunt, she did not say anything but I appreciated the way she looked at me.
After the wake, there would be the cremation and then some Buddhist ceremonies at a temple.
The ceremonies are a big money making scam.
I knew that during my vulnerable time various people would try to scam me.
It is difficult to feel grief whilst at the same time staying alert against the scams.
Paying for My Wife’s Funeral
I paid all of the costs of the funeral. Actually I did not have to. The insurance policy would pay, but the family did not tell me as it meant by not claiming on the insurance they get more.
My wife’s sister arranged for the Buddhist ceremonies. $3,000 for 3 ceremonies. Each ceremony lasting 1 hour. I thought this was a ridiculous amount of money.
A few years ago when my wife’s father passed away, the family negotiated with the Buddhists a low fee. I said we’ve had big medical bills and $3,000 was too much.
A friend of my wife’s started yelling at me at the wake.
My wife died and this Korean woman that we had known for 15 years started yelling at me.
A Friend’s Anger at the Wake
I politely told her to butt out, I later found out she was bad mouthing me to everyone.
On the second day the funeral director asks for payment and it must be CASH.
I was not prepared because I thought payment was next day.
I said I’m sorry, I’m not ready I thought payment was next day. Instead of saying, that’s ok pay me tomorrow, he kept say Money! Money! Money!.
Another one of my wife’s lovely Korean friends was rude to me and rather than siding with me and telling him he’ll get paid next day, that I must pay NOW.
Walking Through the Rain for Cash
It was raining a lot, my closest bank was a 20 minute walk away. I walked 40 minutes in heavy rain to get his cash. I gave him his money, thanked him for his service and he just gave me a dirty look.
The next day I was taken into a room, and my wife’s body was on display, she was clothed with some clothes that I had picked out for her. She wore a wig as she had no hair.
Next was a Buddhist ceremony, they stuffed her mouth and nose and then slowly wrapped her body like an Egyptian mummy.
I did not know this would be done to her body. I did not want to see this but it was a Buddhist ceremony so I stood and watched.
The ceremony lasted about 20 minutes.
Leaving the Funeral Ceremony
After the ceremony finished I left the room and felt awful.
I just wanted to sit down and calm my mind.
Someone from the funeral hall immediately after the ceremony followed me and started saying Money Money Money.
Of course there is a language barrier so maybe in Korean he might have politely asked for payment.
In Korean I said please wait 20 minutes. I just saw my wife wrapped up like a mummy and just wanted to sit down for 20 minutes.
Pressure to Pay Immediately
No No No, money Now. They could not wait 20 minutes to get paid. Total money lust and lack of feeling.
I go to the office and I’m presented with a huge bill for drinks and food consumed by the mourners. No way that amount of food and drinks was consumed, Another scam.
Don’t pay and we keep the body.
The money that was donated by mourners was money I’m entitled to, My wife’s sister asked if she could take some to use to give to some of my wife’s relatives, They were elderly, not wealthy, and had travelled far, so I said yes that’s ok.
I didn’t want elderly low income people to be out of pocket. That goodwill gesture did no go far.
The Cremation Costs More Than Expected
We then went to the crematorium. At the crematorium I’m being asked for cash to pay to the Buddhists.
I said, why right now, there’s plenty of time. No, money money, money, CASH, now now now, and my wife’s friends join in with the money now bandwagon.
I paid about $120 for the cremation.
I was at the crematorium 5 weeks earlier for my friend’s wife’s cremation. His Korean in-laws told him that they paid for the cremation and that he needs to reimburse them.
They said the amount was over $1,000, but for the same cremation I paid $120. Possibly another scam
Friends Judge the Grieving Husband
My wife’s friends would have coffee with my wife once a month. I’m the one feeding her, cooking for her, praying with her.
They are wonderful friends, I’m the bad husband because I want peace and not be hounded for cash now now now.
I’m the husband I will pay. But I’m just the garbage foreigner, hand over the money and we pay.
Just before my wife’s body goes into the crematorium her family surround my wife and start wailing very loudly.
It seemed to be a competition about who can pretend to feel more grief.
A Painful Funeral Display
Sort of like how North Koreans will wail for 3 days if their dear leader stubs his toe. I was quiet.
After about an hour we get the urn with my wife’s ashes, my wife’s sister and my wife’s daughter take the urn, they don’t want me anywhere near it.
I’m surrounded by Koreans.
I’m the foreigner, if I demand the urn from 2 Korean women, it will not end well for me, everyone will take their side.
It’s the foreigner being nasty. I let it go. In the end its only ashes. In Korea as a foreigner you have to pick your fights carefully.
A Foreigner Becomes an Outsider
As a foreigner in Korea, you are tolerated but you are always an outsider and disrespected.
If I was Korean there is no way as an older male I’d be treated this way.
Under the Korean Confucian pecking order I was high up on the list but only because I was my wife’s husband.
The moment her death was imminent I dropped dramatically down the list to the very bottom.
Later in the afternoon I get a call from a friend at the marina.
My Wife’s Ashes Are Scattered Without Me
My wife’s family have arranged to scatter her ashes at sea, they did not tell me. I quickly go to the marina.
Her ashes were scattered at a spot where we used to go diving.
The next day I get a message from my wife’s best friend.
In the message did she offer any condolences that my wife passed away. No, nothing. She demanded that I deposit $300 into her bank account and $300 into another woman’s bank account with no explanation and that if I did not pay the money, I’m dishonest.
This was a woman who a few weeks earlier was telling my wife and I that she loves us.
A Friend Demands Money After the Funeral
I asked to meet her for an explanation, she refused.
A few days later I get a call from a Canadian guy I know, he is the husband of one of the women wanting money. He wants to visit me, and console me.
This is a person that proclaims himself a big caring human, and that he cared about my wife. (As he likes to declare on Facebook) Not once did he visit her in hospital despite working a few minutes away or ever visiting our home.
He comes to my home, I’m wary but polite. We chat for about 1 hour, as he’s leaving, he says so are you going to give me the money. Oh so that’s why you came here.
I give him the money and never ever saw or heard from him again.
A Daughter Demands Her Mother’s Estate
Within 2 days of my wife’s death I get a message from my wife’s daughter, she wants to discuss my wife’s estate.
I said ok, and offer to pick her up and take her to dinner at a place where we ate with my wife. She has no English so my translator friend comes.
She arrives with her cousin, but refuses to have dinner with me.
I promised my translator friend dinner so I said she’ll have to wait until we have dinner.
The daughter knew there was a will, but immediately demanded half of the apartment my wife and I lived in.
She Demands Half of the Apartment
I said that is not what your mother wanted, she said I don’t care I want half of the apartment.
I offered her an insurance policy. At this stage I did not know the value. There was no defined beneficiary, it went to her estate.
Even though legally I was entitled to most of the policy I offered all of it to my wife’s daughter because it was a policy my wife took out before we were married so clearly it was not intended for me.
Her eyes and her cousin’s eyes lit up at the prospect of making a profit from my wife’s passing.
Any money in my wife’s bank account she kept referring to as my mother’s money.
No Gratitude for Years of Care
Not even a thanks for looking after her mother for 4 years, no thanks for sacrificing,
Get lost foreigner and hand over the money.
During the next few weeks I’m tying up some of my wife’s affairs. I get zero help from my wife’s family.
My wife left instructions to her sister to help me.
She did nothing and in fact has done her best to make my life harder.
A Sister Disrespects Her Own Family
My wife’s sister was disrespecting her own sister. Her goal was to get as much money as possible.
At this time the covid scare was going on and it was very hard to get anything done.
My Korean language ability is very limited.
At the wake, most of the guys I worked with had Korean wives. I got promises of, if you need any help just call.
The time came when I needed some help, I’d ask, could your wife look at some papers for me.
Friends Abandon Me After the Funeral
Oh, she’s busy right now, she’s visiting her mother, she’s stressed, there was always an excuse.
My wife when she was alive bent over backwards to help others.
I found very quickly that I was abandoned by all my Korean “friends”.
Simple hello messages were never replied to.
When my mother passed away, the grieving was easy. I thought it would be the same when my Korean wife died. It was not. It was very difficult.
Grieving After a Korean Wife Dies
Lots of men have had to deal with a wife that dies from cancer.
In my case it happened in a foreign country, where I’m alone, and then my wife’s Korean family tries to destroy me.
I lost my wife, my business partner my family.
Everything.
My parents were long gone, my sister passed, no children. My Korean wife was all I had.
A Daughter Rejects a Relationship
I was hoping to have a good relationship with my wife’s daughter, but she was not interested. I’m just a foreigner stranger.
One month after my wife died I get a message from my wife’s sister asking me to transfer the property my mother-in-law lives in, to the family.
Before that I had no messages at all, no how are you, are you ok, do you need anything. Nothing.
She said my mother-in-law was stressed because she was living in a property that I legally owned.
Why was she stressed? My mother-in-law was an older lady, she was my wife’s mother. I would never do anything to hurt her. But I’m the evil foreigner.
Questions About Property Taxes
I said I needed time to find out about any taxes. I was accused of being a bad husband.
I paid $3,000 for my wife’s Buddhist ceremonies. This was important because my wife’s mother was a devout Buddhist.
I go to the first ceremony. My mother’s wife did not even come to the ceremony that I paid for!
7 weeks later there was another Buddhist ceremony.
I hated these ceremonies as they made me feel awful.
The Family Changes the Ceremony Date
My wife’s family changed the date of the ceremony and did not tell me. They did not want me there. I found out on the grapevine about the new date.
I went to the ceremony. My wife’s family and friends were all at one end of the temple. I was all alone at the other end of the temple.
After the lunch we were supposed to have lunch together. I was supposed to have lunch with people that were rude and vicious to me. I excused myself and left.
Not once did I make any threats against my wife’s family but I’m being threatened with lawyers, so I had to find a Korean lawyer. I never had anything to do with Korean lawyers.
I went from lawyer to lawyer. I was shocked at how incompetent, useless and scamming they are. My wife knew this, that’s why she asked her sister to help me.
Finding a Lawyer in Australia
In Australia I used lawyers a lot in business so I knew a decent lawyer from a clown.
First lawyer quoted me $20,000 to do a property transfer, when the going rate was $500.
The same lawyer quoted $2000 for 1 hours work handling a simple insurance claim.
Second lawyer quoted $250 an hour, but then to meet my wife’s daughter wanted $2,000 irrespective of the meeting outcome.
My wife trusted her sister, she made her the executor of the will.
A Sister Refuses to Execute the Will
My wife’s sister refused to be the executor of the will.
Despite 2 witnesses, my wife’s signature, my wife’s handwriting, the sister in law signing, the Korean Judge threw out the will.
The will was what my wife wanted, and her family had it cancelled. I paid for a top notch lawyer. His argument consisted of a newspaper article.
In the first court case I lost, Judge ignores the fact that my sister in law who agreed to be executor makes a big profit by getting the will set aside.
Judge ignores the fact that my wife’s sister and my wife’s daughter are both colluding to rip me off.
A Judge Ignores My Wife’s Wishes
Judge ignores my wife’s wishes despite the clear evidence of what she wants.
I knew the court case would not go well. Evil foreigner versus Korean girl.
They have a strange system in Korea whereby they also put an ink stamp in documents.
This is being phased out. My wife’s will lacked the ink stamp. My sister in law planned this.
Just before my wife died, the sister in law was always visiting us.
A Relative Appears After the Funeral
Previously she rarely visited. The stamp went missing.
I’m not accustomed to the stamp system, plus I was under huge stress and my brain did not operate well. My brain was so cloudy.
The lawyer acting for my wife’s family made a lot of money by getting the will of my wife cancelled. It was legal but very immoral and sleazy.
This story is the immorality, sleaziness, greed, ruthlessness that Koreans display towards foreigners.
This has not just happened to me but thousands and thousands of people in Korea and around the world have had to do this.
Nationalism Shapes Attitudes
This mindset most probably comes from the education system. It’s very nationalistic. I don’t know if this still happens but Koreans were taught they have superior brains.
My Korean wife when I first met her was brainwashed by the Korean education system she was nationalistic.
Being married to me she learned the truth, to the point that she was embarrassed to be Korean.
One time a Korean guy started screaming at me that I had stolen his money.
There were other Korean people around, for some reason he chose me as the thief.
The Police Become Involved
Eventually the police got involved, my wife came to sort things out.
The cop said to my wife, why are you defending him, he’s a foreigner, She said he’s my husband he’s done nothing wrong.
Eventually they determined my accuser was crazy and no money was missing. I got no apology.
I had 2 Korean lawyers and a property transfer specialist examine the will.
One lawyer was a retired judge and head of a large firm. The “expert” legal advice I had was that the will was fine. They were wrong.
Korean Friends Turn Away
At this stage virtually every Korean person I knew shunned me.
I did not know what to do. My Korean boss saw that I was stressed as I had lost a lot of weight. She offered to help. Her father was a retired Judge, he was great, but unfortunately gave me bad advice.
Because the will was thrown out, the matter has to go to court.
Court did not go well.
Some of this was my fault. The stress of cancer for 4 years, my wife’s death, being alone, getting fired from my job, these were all slowly taking a toll.
A Health Problem Adds More Stress
I am normally very healthy, but I have 1 weakness, a very low platelet count I’ve always managed to live with it and keep my platelet count just above dangerous.
I had a blood test done and my platelet count was dropping. I had to do something.
I studied a lot about health and nutrition, got some supplements to improve my health and also prayed and meditated a lot to improve my mental and emotional health.
I think I was a functionally depressed person.
I did not lock myself away, or stay in bed. I got out there and did what I had to do, smiled at people but underneath felt sadness and missed my wife.
A Second Court Case Begins
Because the will was cancelled we needed a second court case.
The Judge initially decided a 50:50 split on the property. By law the maximum my wife’s daughter could get was 40%. I objected, she eventually was awarded 44%.
My daughter’s wife has never contributed anything.
I put money into the property, I paid the mortgage, I paid the taxes, I lost income.
The mortgage was in my wife’s name. There are no joint bank accounts in Korea.
Protecting the Family Home
What my wife had to do was take money from my bank account and put into her bank account in order to pay the mortgage and expenses.
There was a surplus in those bank accounts. The money came from me. Irrelevant, Judge awards 44% to my wife’s daughter. She knows where that money came from.
When it came to the Judges settlement calculations, he factored in the property my mother-in-law was living in, an asset in my name, but the apartment we lived that was in my wife’s name but I contributed to, well my contribution was irrelevant.
I was not trying to take what isn’t mine. My wife left instructions. I’m an honest person, I was just trying to fulfill my wife’s wishes.
I have the main property and also make sure her mother and daughter are looked after.
The Family Wants Everything
These people just want to get everything, don’t care how my life has been impacted and will even steal from a baby.
As a foreigner it’s very hard to get justice in Korea, Firstly the lawyers are out to get as much out of you and do as little as possible.
Second, Judges are biased.
In hindsight my life would have been better off if I had just left my wife and gone back to Australia. No stress, more money, a new life, not sleeping on the sofa.
If I had done that I would have been the evil foreigner husband.
Four Years of Care Are Forgotten
Instead I stayed with my wife during her 4 years of cancer, had enormous stress, lost a huge amount of money and I’m the evil foreigner husband.
In Korea, the good foreigner is the one that lets himself get exploited and used by Koreans. Stand up for yourself and you’ll be hated.
I had to try and start my life all over again. Trying to meet a woman in Korea is very difficult. First there is the language barrier and secondly even if a man can speak Korean well, most Korean women shun foreign men.
I was not divorced I was a widower. I stayed with my wife through 4 years of cancer. Rather than seeing this as a positive, most women saw this as a negative.
I travelled to the Philippines, where I met a lovely lady but with a hearing disability.
Living with My Wife’s Hearing Loss
Her hearing was very weak so often we had to communicate by writing or me shouting.
In February 2023 I married her. It was a very difficult decision as we have a very big age gap and she has a hearing disability.
After marrying, I left her behind in the Philippines and came back to Korea.
Despite all the legal problems my priority was to get my wife to Korea.
My wife had no passport (another long story there) and Filipinos cannot get a visa on arrival to come to Korea.
Sponsoring a Family Visa
I had to sponsor her for a visa. There was a huge amount of paperwork.
2 months after our marriage she finally comes to Korea on a tourist visa.
I need to get a spouse visa for her. It’s not allowed to apply for a spouse visa inside Korea.
As the Korean government is compassionate to foreign women and babies they allowed us to apply for a spouse visa because my wife was pregnant.
This compassion is fake. Try actually getting that visa. The Korean immigration department puts impossible hurdles in front of you.
A Spouse Visa Is Refused
Yes we give spouse visas to pregnant women, but no you can’t have a visa.
We had a certified Philippine marriage licence, they refused to provide a visa unless we also provide an Australian marriage licence which is illegal
Without a visa my wife has no health insurance, there is no temporary visa or a bridging visa, just get out of the country South East Asian
It took 5 visits to immigration, many months, legal advice, a lot of expense and help from the Australian embassy but finally we got a visa 6 weeks before my wife is due to give birth.
I quickly took her visa to the health insurance office. The man at the counter was great. He waived the 30 day wait and added my wife to my health insurance policy.
An Emergency Birth Changes Everything
3 weeks later my wife had a problem and had emergency surgery she gave birth to our son.
At 59 years of age I became a father. The nurse at the hospital has been an angel and has helped us a lot.
We appreciated her help so much as very few Koreans at this stage were nice to us.
From my Korean wife’s family and friends not a single person has sent a message to say congratulations for having a son.
My wife also had 2 ear surgeries here in Korea, her hearing will never be perfect but is much much better. We are very grateful to the surgeon.
A Child Born in Korea Lacks Residency
My son was born in Korea but because he’s not ethnically Korean he is not a Korean resident.
More Korean racism and nationalism.
A newborn baby born in Korea, does not have citizenship, does not have a visa, so now we have a baby with no health insurance.
Can I get a temporary visa so that he has health insurance? No. The racism and discrimination even extends to babies.
I’m not a Korean citizen but I do have permanent residency status.
Getting Citizenship for Our Son
We get citizenship and a passport for our son at the Philippines embassy. The staff were fantastic.
With our son’s passport I can now get a visa and health insurance for my son.
I had to sign a declaration that my son will never apply for Korean citizenship.
Again Korean immigration just invent a new hurdle to prevent giving a baby a visa.
They want a birth certificate from the Philippines even though he was born in Korea and has a Philippines passport.
A Birth Certificate Does Not Exist
He was born in Korea, there is no Philippines birth certificate.
They want to deny a baby visa on the basis I don’t have a document that does not exist.
I know their tricks and came prepared with an official list of requirements from the Seoul office. They backed down.
He can only get a visa if I sign a statement saying my son will never apply for Korean citizenship.
They don’t want a foreign child born in Korea to ever get Korean citizenship.
Support for Raising a Child
There are some government programs to help with raising a child.
A diaper allowance, a baby formula allowance. Despite my paying taxes the same as Koreans and being a permanent resident we get NOTHING for our baby.
Those allowances are only for ethnically Korean babies.
The Korean government is so racist that it discriminates against babies.
I’ve been to a few government offices to try to get this resolved. Do the Korean staff care that a baby faces racism. No they don’t care, the baby is not Korean.
Life in Korea After Losing a Wife
Korea is an ok place to live as long as you have a Korean wife that is alive.
You’ll be tolerated as you are the husband of a Korean.
Once your Korean wife is gone the gloves are off.
It’s even worse if your wife and child are not Korean.
My Korean wife’s family know I have a baby and a wife with a hearing disability.
Our Family Faces Eviction
We are still living in the apartment that my Korean wife and I lived in.
They refuse to come to an agreement with me and have applied to the courts to have the property sold and my wife and child evicted.
The apartment will be sold a few days before the 4th anniversary of my wife’s death.
These people are so evil that they want to evict a baby. The eviction notice that we got was even in the baby’s name.
The apartment in which my mother-in-law lived in, legally I could have had her evicted, or asked for rent. She is my wife’s mother so of course I did not do that.
Paying Taxes on the Property
I paid the yearly taxes on the property and never asked to be reimbursed.
Last January my Korean mother-in-law moved out of the apartment to go to a nursing home. I was not told, the apartment was very far from me.
I found out months later she moved out. The apartment was dirty trashed, and some debts were left behind.
With a heavy heart I had to sell the apartment.
What I really wanted to do was give the apartment to my wife’s family. They were my wife’s instructions, but they did not care about my wife’s will.
Selling Property as a Foreigner
I contacted a few agents, in writing in Korean, no one wanted to deal with a foreigner.
Finally it was sold at a big discount.
My wife’s daughter keeps calling me a liar and is always rude to me. Not once have I been rude or disrespectful to my wife’s family.
My wife would be turning in her grave seeing how disgusting her friends and family behave.
Soon we will be evicted. I have a short term job lined up. Soon we will leave Korea.
Only Two Korean Friends Remain
Despite being here 20 years and having met countless Korean people there are only 2 that I would regard as friends.
The Filipino community here in Korea has been fantastic.
I look forward to leaving Korea and starting a new life with my son and wife.
At 59 years of age having a baby is going to be a huge challenge.
God will look after our family.
A Warning About Marriage in Asia
For those wanting to get involved with a lady in Asia, she may be wonderful as my wife was and you can choose carefully but you might also have to deal with a racist discriminatory government that has a lot of power and you can’t win, and a society that has been brainwashed with nationalism and disrespect for others.
