Why This Thailand Addiction Story Is a Warning

The way that I think I’m different to some of the people who share their stories is that although I lost what I considered to be a fortune, I really have no one else to blame apart from myself. No one scammed me, no one took my money. I just made some stupid mistakes. And I tend to think it’s down to my personality.

I know many people suffer from the same feelings that I had. And that’s why I want to share this as a warning to people like that and to anyone that too much of a good thing can destroy you.

My Life Before Thailand and Before the Addiction

When I’m thinking about writing my story, there are things I want to say. I want to talk about my arrival in Thailand, how I fell in love with the country and how that one visit changed the course of my life. How I kept going back until I moved there. But everybody seems to be in the same position and have the same feelings. So I want to tell my story from a different angle the best I can.

I’d been a delivery driver for as long as I could remember. A job I hated, but it did pay the bills. I was in a serious long term relationship that never amounted to marriage with someone that I seemed to just find myself staying with. We stuck it out for 10 years, but we weren’t right for each other. And that relationship ended when I was 45 newly single, and with a certain amount of freedom that I had not felt for years.

I started thinking about myself for a change. When you start thinking about yourself and nobody else, it’s amazing just how much further your money goes. Even though you’re not earning a lot of money, being able to spend it all on yourself and on your own wishes makes a huge difference.

When I was with her, we never had anything. I worked, she worked, and together we rented a house and paid the car loan we had. And if we were lucky, we’d have just enough money left over to go somewhere like France or Spain for 2 weeks every year. This existence is normal for people like me from England.

When you’re going on that two week holiday that you’ve saved all year for, you find yourself flying with a plane load of other people in the exact same position as you. You find yourself sharing hotels with the same kinds of people, and you never really escape from that bubble. I’m not saying that I have anything against countries in Europe. I had wonderful times visiting them, but they seem to be places that you just went to because it was expected and that’s where you went. And while I enjoyed these holidays, I always felt like there was so much more available that I was missing out on.

Why I Chose Thailand for My First Asian Holiday

Now that I was single, the thought of getting on an easyJet flight and holidaying with everybody else whose life could be a mirror image of my own was the furthest thing from my mind. And when my holidays came around, I was thinking about where to go. The only places I knew I didn’t want to go were in Europe. I thought about Africa, South America, and Asia so many countries in the world, and my holiday budget would afford me to go anywhere I wanted.

Why I chose Thailand, I don’t actually know. I’d never been before. I’d never known anybody who had been, and I’d never been interested in the scene that many people who liked Thailand seemed to want to connect themselves to and be involved with. It was me looking at flights. And this was before flight prices became outrageous back when you could get a return flight for £450. And it was when I was looking at flights that the flights to Thailand seemed to be reasonably priced. It would involve changing planes at a country in the Middle East. And the prices of the flights between Emirates, Qatar, and Gulf Air were all similar. So I went with Emirates.

I very nearly didn’t go to Thailand. I almost went to Japan instead. If I had my life again, would I go to Thailand? Definitely not.

My First Thailand Holiday Done Wrong

I did my first Thailand holiday wrong. Not knowing anything about the country, I booked to stay two weeks at a hotel in Phuket. The hotel wasn’t even close to the town. It was a Marriott hotel along a beach 20 or 30 minutes away from anything. There was nothing around no restaurants and nothing much to see. The hotel itself was spectacular. I think there were three swimming pools, and the restaurants there had some amazing food, but I wasn’t actually seeing Thailand. I wasn’t seeing anything of Thailand.

All I had seen was the taxi ride from Phuket airport to the hotel, and I wasn’t yet knowing anything about Thailand that the price that I paid for that taxi was actual extortion. I didn’t know what to expect in Thailand, but during the first week, I didn’t even venture out of the hotel. I could have been anywhere. And while it’s undeniable that the hotel I stayed at was far better than any of the hotels I’d ever stayed at before even though it was priced quite similarly during the first week, I was regretting flying all the way for a holiday I could have had in Europe.

When I eventually decided to go into Phuket town, I still had these backward ideas like Thailand out of the hotel was going to be dangerous. When I went to reception and asked them to sort out a taxi for me to go into town, I thought I was being adventurous and brave. When I got into the town and realized just how safe it was, I did have a laugh at myself for having such crazy ideas.

Finding Bangla Road in Patong Phuket

I didn’t know anything about anything to do with Phuket or Thailand. Think about the country you’ve never been to and picture yourself arriving in a town without any understanding or knowledge about what the place is known for, the type of people that visit, and what is available there. I had no idea about anything I saw around me.

When I finally made it to the town, I felt like my senses were on overdrive. The beaches in the town were not as good as the beach next to the hotel I was staying at, but they had lots of people there enjoying themselves, and there were so many bars and restaurants dotted around. It seemed to be so much busier than where I was staying, and I quickly thought that as a single person, I would have been far better off staying somewhere like this as opposed to being 20 or 30 minutes taxi ride away in the middle of nowhere.

I went into one small restaurant, enjoyed a meal and a small beer, but I’m struggling to enjoy myself because I’m panicking about how I’m going to get back to my hotel. I had a card from the hotel with the address, and I was told simply to show this to the taxi driver and they’ll bring you straight there with nothing to worry about. But I was apprehensive scared that I would become lost in this strange place.

I had another beer and left and walked into another bar where I had another two beers, and I started to calm down a bit and not worry as much. After going somewhere else for another beer, I started to explore the town. This wasn’t Old Town Phuket. I’m talking about Patong. That was where I was advised to go by the receptionist at the hotel when I told them I wanted to go into the town.

Evening rolled around and I’m still there. I’ve lightened up considerably, and I’m no longer panicking about making it back to the hotel. And that’s when I found myself on Bangla Road for the first time. I didn’t know anything about Bangla Road, but it seemed to be where all the crowds were drawn to. Bright lights, lots of people, and the only thing for me to do was follow the crowd.

I have to reiterate that I had no idea what the road was known for. But when I went into the first bar and was greeted with this part of Thailand that I was not yet aware of, Thailand went from being a place I was interested in visiting to do something different to a place that completely removed all my thoughts and dreams of ever going anywhere else.

How Bangla Road Changed My Life

This was 2009 and that first experience in that bar on Bangla Road, it was like a wake up call. It was like I was being told that I’m not living my life properly and I need to do something about it urgently before it’s too late. The reason I put so much emphasis on this is because there is often a point in someone’s life when a small decision can alter the direction of the rest of their life. My life was never going to be the same again. And I vowed to make sure Thailand became a more permanent part of my life.

For the remainder of my holiday, I left the hotel every evening to go into Patong. I was going earlier and coming back later every day. And while I thought the hotel was something really special, I’d have much preferred to stay in a dive if that meant being in walking distance of Bangla Road and other parts of Phuket.

That week offered me more fun, entertainment, and excitement than I had for the whole of my life up until then. And I’m not trying to exaggerate or blow things out of proportion. I’m trying to give you an accurate picture of why I chose to go down such a different path after that trip to Thailand. There was nothing that I have done since that has come close to giving me such a revelation.

I even met a girl on Bangla Road in one of the bars. I stayed in touch with her for a few months when I went home, but we didn’t stay in touch much longer. I think she found somebody. But the fact that a girl that looked so perfect was speaking to me and interacting with me I was sold on the fact that Thailand would be playing a huge part in my life from that point on.

Why Thailand Changed My Friendships

When I returned home and spoke to my friends about Thailand, I expected them to show interest and maybe have ideas to go themselves, but none of them seemed to have any interest, and I couldn’t work it out. They were still happy going with their wives or girlfriends on all inclusive holidays to Spain. They didn’t yet know what else was out there. And most of them never did find out because I lost touch with most of my friends when Thailand became part of my life.

Old friends seemed dull and boring and unenlightened to some of the best things that the world had to offer. 45 years moving in one direction. Now it’s time to move in another. And all I thought about and saved for was Thailand.

My Financial Reality Before Moving to Thailand

I do need to talk about my current financial position at this time just to tell you how precarious it was. I rented. I had just finished paying off a car loan, and I had no savings. If I sold everything, I could have raised at the most £10,000. So the fact that Thailand became my obsession was thwarted by my lack of funds to make doing something other than holidaying there for two weeks a reality.

What I did do was read up on Thailand. What was Thailand about? What was the capital city? At that point, I didn’t even know it was Bangkok. I thought Phuket was the main part of Thailand where everyone went. But there were so many things I found out that made me even more excited to go back to Thailand as soon as I could.

I read about Bangkok places like Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza. I read about Pattaya, and everyone said just how much more there was than on Bangla Road in Phuket. I couldn’t believe that I’d spent 45 years not knowing about this paradise only a 12 hour flight away.

How I Saved for a Longer Thailand Trip

One thing that discovering Thailand gave me was a newfound ability to live as frugally as possible. If I did that, I might be able to visit Thailand for a month next time instead of only two weeks. Imagine that. A whole month in Thailand Bangkok, Pattaya, and wherever else I wanted to go.

For the next 10 months, I didn’t go out. I never once put on the heating at home, and I ate the cheapest food I could buy. Burying myself in anything I could find about Thailand got me through that difficult time. But what it did mean was I had enough money not only to go to Thailand for a month, but enough to put a couple thousand in the bank. I’d never been able to save money before, so that was quite exhilarating.

I thought I was well versed enough not to make the same mistake I did on my first trip. When I went the first time, I knew nothing about the country and stayed in a hotel so far away from anything. This time I was making sure that hotels I was booking were within walking distance of all the places I’d highlighted as being the places I needed to go.

My First Night in Bangkok at Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza

I was going to go to Bangkok first. It was going to be my first time there. I was worrying that because it was a big city, I wouldn’t like it as much as Phuket. But when I arrived, those feelings of apprehension quickly became feelings of elation when I stepped out of the hotel on the first evening and went first to Soi Cowboy. How is it even possible to make a place so perfect? And then a few hours later, I went to Nana Plaza, and I preferred that.

Dotted around everywhere else were other bars and girls everywhere, restaurants, and a huge shock on the senses. Thailand continued to get better and better, and Bangkok made Phuket look like it was living in amateur hour. I spent one week living life in Bangkok. My days consisted of getting over the night before and doing the whole thing again, thinking that there’s nothing that could make me more happy than what I was doing at that moment.

I wasn’t sure if it was even worth going to Pattaya. I didn’t see how it would be possible to top what I was enjoying in Bangkok. If someone told me that Pattaya is not only more of a thrill than Bangkok it’s actually cheaper as well I would definitely not have believed them.

Why Pattaya Felt Better Than Bangkok

The only reason I did go to Pattaya was because I’d already paid for the hotel there. And I felt a sense of dismay as I was leaving Bangkok, like I might not have as much chance to be able to enjoy Bangkok and I’m leaving it behind to go somewhere else. I felt a huge sense of depression as I was on the bus to Pattaya. And I’m sharing that because I think it’s important to say just how much Thailand could grab hold of you.

Thailand owned me now. Not that that’s a good thing, but the thought of not being able to enjoy what I was enjoying in Bangkok because I hadn’t yet realized that Pattaya was actually better was really worrying.

As soon as I got to Pattaya, I checked in as quickly as I could to the hotel and went out immediately to go and see if I’d made a mistake or not. 15 minutes later, I felt like a drug addict who had just found his latest fix because I quickly realized that there were so many more bars and girls. How was it possible? How was it possible that this country was so fantastic?

I had booked the hotel in Pattaya for a week. I then had two weeks where I hadn’t booked anything, and I was fully expecting to go back to Bangkok after being in Pattaya. But I stayed in Pattaya for the whole time. There was no point going back to Bangkok because Pattaya was an order of magnitude better.

How Thailand Became an Addiction

I think it’s very important not to dismiss anything that I’ve said so far. Thailand seems to grab hold of certain people and it does not want to let go. Yet other people can visit and not think anything about it leave never to return. But the more I was in Pattaya, the more I was speaking to other guys who Thailand had also captured. It was like I wasn’t alone anymore. There was a small subset of people who were in Thailand who were there not only because they wanted to be there, but because if they weren’t there, they wouldn’t be able to function properly or live properly because of the constant thoughts and dreams they had of being there.

I can remember speaking to one guy. He wasn’t living there, but he’d been there at least 30 times. He told me that it was his dream to go somewhere else. But Thailand kept drawing him back, and he couldn’t help it. He loved it there, but he actually wanted that love to come to an end so he could be released from the spell that was Thailand. But he fully admitted that it had hold of him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Everything he was saying seemed to be so similar to how I was feeling. However, I was not yet at the stage when I felt Thailand was a curse. For me, Thailand was still the Garden of Eden.

During those three weeks in Pattaya, I probably fell in love more than five times. That’s no exaggeration. These were sorts of girls back home you’d need to be a millionaire to be able to even be in the presence of. Yet in Thailand, they were available.

I quickly came to understand just how expensive it could be, and the money that I put away in savings for the first time I withdrew and spent all of it, as though there was a chance that Pattaya was going to disappear from existence altogether, and I wanted to make sure I enjoyed it as much as I could before that happened. I knew it wasn’t going to happen, but I thought I needed to enjoy it as much as I could because I didn’t know when I could get back.

How Thailand Withdrawal Began Back Home

Thailand can become an addiction, and I was addicted.

That meant when I was on the way home and I wasn’t able to get my Thailand fix, I sunk into the worst depression I’d ever suffered. And that lasted for a whole month when I was back home. After a month, the effects started to wear off, but I still wished I was in Thailand. I was contacting all the girls that I had spent time with, and I thought they were the luckiest people in the world being able to live that life every single day.

I guessed that I would have to be one of those guys who dreamed to live in Thailand but didn’t have that opportunity. So I’d have to make do with going on holiday once a year. Coming to terms with that was extremely difficult, but I just didn’t have any money to be able to move to Thailand.

I’d been back home for approximately four months. During those four months, I had managed to get myself down to two meals a day. I sold my car and was walking the 15 minutes to the office in the mornings, whether it was raining or not. From there, I could get in the delivery van and start my deliveries. I got to the point where I stopped turning on the lights at home. When it was nighttime, I suffered through it. I charged my phone at work. I was really going that extra mile to save enough money for that extra one or two days in Thailand when I could go next.

The Unexpected Inheritance That Funded Thailand

Little did I know that this extreme money saving would become unnecessary because around this time I had the unfortunate news that my father passed away. I wasn’t close to my father. I don’t think I spoke to him in the 5 years before he sadly passed away. We never really saw eye to eye, and that made me feel like he had completely forgotten about me.

When I was informed that I was the sole beneficiary of his will, and he’d left me £214,000 in cash, all of a sudden, Thailand not only became a holiday destination for me it became a place that I now had the financial means to move permanently to.

Thanks to the legal system in England, it took me seven months before I actually got my hands on that money. But when it arrived in my bank and I actually saw it there, I’d never felt such excitement but also trepidation as I felt then. I could follow my dreams and do what I wanted. But I would be going into the unknown. And because I’d never done anything like that before, these were worrying doubts that I had that if I wasn’t careful, all that money could disappear. And it could disappear very quickly.

If I didn’t have this addiction to Thailand, I would have probably bought a house. If I had a house, I would have saved the £600 a month I spent in rent. That’s £7,200 a year right there to add to my savings, and I could have saved more. Then I could have paid for two or three months in Thailand. But that wasn’t good enough.

And it was only two weeks after seeing that money land in my account that I’d quit my job and flown to Thailand.

The Thailand Spending Rules I Could Not Keep

This was 2011, and because I knew I didn’t have to return, I wasn’t so keen and eager to make the most out of every single day when I was in Thailand. There was no hurry. There was no need to make sure I was in a bar every single day. That’s what I told myself when I was flying there. There’s no need to get carried away. You’ve got all the time in the world.

On the plane, I had vivid memories of taking out a notebook and writing a list of rules that I thought I would not allow myself to break. I knew how Thailand made me feel. I knew everything I ever wanted was waiting for me. But I also knew that while I never had such a huge amount of money before, if I lived like I did when I was on holiday, the money could disappear very quickly, and I didn’t want that to happen.

The main rule I had was: don’t go out more than two times per week. If I thought I could stick to that, I’d have a good chance.

And when I arrived in Thailand after going to the hotel in Bangkok, I immediately hit the bars. The next two weeks is something of a blur in my memory. I know I had a good time, but it was just something about me that didn’t allow myself to enjoy Thailand in moderation. It was like I had to be enjoying it all of the time or not at all. There was no middle ground. You’re either in the bars enjoying yourself, or you were wishing you were in the bars hating that you weren’t there.

How the Pattaya Spending Spiral Began

After those two weeks, I’m lying hungover in the hotel. My usual solution was a few large bottles of Chang to get back in the mood. When I stumbled out of bed on the way to the fridge, I tripped over my bag that I had left in the middle of the floor. Clothes everywhere. I didn’t care. I put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door. My room was a huge mess. I was never usually messy, but I just didn’t care.

But when I did trip over the bag, I looked and saw my notes with the rules I’d written on it. I thought back to when I wrote those, and I’m there stood at the fridge with the door open looking at the three big bottles of Chang that could get me back in the mood for another wild night. And I’m thinking: do I need to enjoy myself? Or do I play it cool and maybe do something different and take a few days off?

Seconds later, I’d already downed one of the big bottles of Chang, and I took the other two down to the pool with me. I wasn’t about to pay the price that they charge for beers at the hotel. And an hour later, I’m ready to hit the bars again. It was only 1:00 p.m., but I didn’t mind. And while I came close to settling down and thinking about being sensible, another two weeks went by in a blur.

At this point, I’m receiving calls from random girls I can’t remember, asking if I’m going to go out and see them. Guys I’d met and spoken to about Thailand they’re calling me asking if I want to meet for a beer. The problem is I don’t remember any of these interactions. I was taking things to the extreme, but I didn’t care because that’s what I wanted my life to be. I thought eventually I’d settle down. Maybe I’d find someone to live with me, and I could stop this love affair with the bars. That was my expectation that it would stop by itself. I didn’t want to physically have to rip myself out of this existence. I wanted my love of what I was doing to fade over time, and I fully expected it would.

Choosing Pattaya Over Visa Planning

At this point, I’ve been in Thailand for a month. I arrived on a visa exempt and hadn’t done anything about getting a better visa. I hadn’t bothered looking for a place to live. I was just staying in a hotel, and I was the happiest that I’d ever felt. It was then that I decided to enjoy myself. I told myself, “You only live once. Do what makes you happy. There’s no point fighting the urges that I had.” And I told myself, “I’m in Thailand. Enjoy it because that’s what it’s there for. I might as well not be there if I don’t.”

I told myself eventually I’d get bored of it.

When the time came that I had to do something about my visa, I extended it for 15 days, and I planned to go to a neighboring country such as Laos to get a 60 day tourist visa, which I could extend for 30 days. I’ve heard that this is a lot more difficult than it used to be. But in 2011, lots of guys did this, and that’s how I found out about it through speaking to other guys who did the same thing.

On the day that I went to do the extension of my visa exempt that was before I went to do the visa in Laos I forced myself to have a day off to look for an affordable place to live. I was staying in a nice hotel for a month, and I probably spent £2,000 on that. I didn’t want to do that, but the thought of missing out on any of the action going on around me was unbearable. At this point, I’m still in Bangkok. I haven’t even gone down to Pattaya, and that’s where I wanted to live.

So after I got those 15 days extension, I got the bus to Pattaya and arrived around 2:00 p.m. I checked into a hotel, but I only paid for one night and forced myself to look for somewhere to live that was cheap. I found a very cheap room for 5,000 baht. The fact that it had air conditioning was good enough for me. I overlooked the fact that it was nothing like a place I would actually want to live because I reasoned with myself: I’d have more money to enjoy myself, and it was cheap.

Three weeks went by, and I don’t think I was sober once. I have vague memories of that time, and I’m starting to get calls from so many girls asking when I’m going back to their bar. When am I going to see them again? And I don’t remember who they are.

Forgetting My Thailand Visa and Overstaying

But when I woke up one morning and realized that I completely forgot that I had to leave the country 6 days ago, I panicked. I overstayed by six days, and I hoped I wouldn’t have any problems. I was never the sort of person to forget such important things, but that was irrelevant because life was happening and it was too good to step away from.

When I understood that, I needed to get it fixed. I got a bus to the border with Laos. And luckily, I only paid a 500 baht a day fine so 3,000 baht total for the overstay. And this didn’t affect me after I got the tourist visa and arrived back in Thailand. I promised myself I would never do that again. The repercussions of overstaying your visa are far worse if you’re caught on overstay as opposed to arriving at immigration with an overstay. I didn’t want to be in a position where I was overstaying ever again.

But since I got the visa, I had 60 days before I needed to extend it at immigration. Getting the bus back to Pattaya from the border, I feel like I’m finally able to get my Thailand fix again. 3 days it took to get that visa. And while I tried my best to find an equivalent situation in Vientiane, there was nothing there that came close to Thailand. And while I really fell in love with Laos, not having any of the other trappings of what made Thailand so great made me feel an even bigger connection to Thailand when I got back.

How Pattaya Spending Drained My Money

I’m being so irresponsible. I will admit that. I’m going to the ATM and I’m taking out the maximum that I’m allowed to take out from three different accounts £300 each time. I think it was approximately 14,000 baht a bit per card. I wasn’t trying to budget or save. And when that was gone, I’d go to the ATM again.

One day, I went to the ATM and put my card in, and it wouldn’t let me have any money. None of the cards did. And I’m panicking because that’s my only source of getting funds. I think, “Do I need to call my bank? I don’t know what to do.” And I’d racked up a big bill in a bar, and I didn’t have the money to pay for it.

I then realized that I’d already used the ATM that day. That meant I spent 14,000 baht times 3, and I’d racked up a bill. That meant I needed more money. That should have given me cause for alarm. I hadn’t checked my bank balance since I arrived in Thailand. I’m just thinking I’ll get to that eventually when I’m ready. I want my mind to tell me when it’s time to stop. But I don’t want to force myself to stop. That was the problem I was facing. I wanted to stop because my feelings told me I wanted to, not because I needed to and therefore I had to restrict myself from being able to live how I wanted to.

Because I had been to that bar many times, I told them I would pay tomorrow. And luckily they agreed. The bill was 28,000 baht. So that day when I took out the money, I had 14,000 baht left. That goes a long way in Thailand unless you’re in the bars.

During the whole two months of that tourist visa I got from Laos and the 30 day extension that I luckily remembered I needed to do, there wasn’t one day that I didn’t take things to the max. But I was starting to feel like the addiction was slightly wearing off. And I only mean very slightly. I was able to not feel a sense of panic knowing I needed to go and spend another 3 days to get another tourist visa.

Discovering I Spent £82,000 in Thailand

During that time when I had to go and get another visa, I promised myself I would not have a drink. 2 days later and I’m feeling like a different person. But I am missing everything in Pattaya. But that was the first time I thought it would be a good idea to check my bank balance. You can remember I had £214,000 before I left for Thailand.

When I checked and I found out that I only had £132,000 left, I nearly had a heart attack. In 4 months, I’d spent £82,000. That should have been all the information I needed to know I should stop immediately. I should do something different anything to protect the money I had still left. But because I was so shocked about the amount of money I spent, and I felt a huge sense of panic, I did the exact opposite of what I should have done. And the day before I was due to pick up my visa from the Thai embassy in Vientiane, I went on a bender.

Waking up the following morning, not in my hotel. I was laying down next to the river that borders Thailand. I should have sought help, but instead I quickly went to my hotel, showered, two big bottles of beer, and then I went to pick up my visa, re entered Thailand, and got the bus down to Pattaya. A small bottle of Hong Kong whiskey was needed to make that bus trip to Pattaya bearable. And when I got there, I didn’t even go to my room. I went straight to the bars with my backpack still on my back.

The next three months, against everything telling me not to, I did exactly the same as I did the three months prior.

Why I Could Not Stop the Pattaya Addiction

I suppose it’s very easy for me to look back and say how stupid it was. It’s also very easy to judge me for doing what I did and saying how stupid I was, but I couldn’t help it. And when I was in the moment in the bars with the girls, nothing else in life mattered. I didn’t stop to think that I was ruining my health by drinking so excessively. Not that I was spending such an obscene amount of money that I could have used for something else. I didn’t think about this or care about it.

Part of me just hoped that continuing down this path would see the end of me before my money ran out. I know that’s a dreadful thing to say, but if the money ran out and I couldn’t do this anymore, what would happen then? But I was still thinking, “It’s not going to run out. I’ve got over a hundred grand.” I kept telling myself that during those three months. “I’ve got over a hundred grand.” But I didn’t look because I was so scared to.

And when the time came that I needed to go yet again to get another visa, that’s when I really started to panic and think I needed to change the way I lived. I really wanted to stop with this addiction, but the thought of stopping was worse than the thought of losing all my money. And I knew it would be a difficult experience to get over things.

I went back to Laos again, and that time I didn’t drink for the whole trip all the way until I returned back to Pattaya. With a clear mind, for the first time in months, I checked my bank balance again, telling myself, “I’ve got over 100 grand. Don’t worry about it.”

But I didn’t have over 100 grand. I had £74,000 left. I’d spent another £58,000 in 3 months. I couldn’t believe I’d allowed myself to do that. You might be thinking, “How do you spend £58,000 in 3 months in Pattaya? Surely you can’t spend that amount of money.” 20 grand a month around 600 quid a day. You can easily spend 600 quid a day in Pattaya if you like what Pattaya has available.

The Pattaya Room Where I Saw the Damage

After checking my bank balance which I had to do in an internet café I went back to the place I rented. A dive of a place the cheapest place I could find. Only 5,000 baht a month. Yet I spent a fortune at the bars an actual fortune but I was prepared to live in such bad conditions to save that little bit extra money.

That’s one of my clearest memories me lying down on the bed. It was a ground floor unit. I had no view apart from the metal bars that obstructed the balcony to prevent people from hopping over onto it. Not that that’s something people would do in Thailand. But I’m looking from the bed, and I can sort of make out through the iron bars the adjoining building. And while I’m doing that, I see a young Thai guy hanging out his washing.

I wondered what his life was like. What would he have done if he had that amount of money in his bank one day? Many people say that Thai people spend worse than Westerners, but would he have wasted all his money in the bars? I highly doubted that. And I felt sorry in that moment that somebody like that had to work hard all month for the amount I would spend in one bar in an evening. And sometimes I go to three or four bars.

I felt guilty that I spent so much money, and I was falling into a spiral. And when I realized that there were two choices I’ve got to continue feeling like this, and I’m going to gradually feel worse and worse and worse, potentially for months before I start to feel better, or I can go to the bars and feel better immediately I’m embarrassed to admit that I couldn’t resist the urge and went back to the bars.

Why I Had No Willpower Left

The feeling of euphoria when I downed that first beer and the thoughts that I still had enough money to be able to do this for maybe another six months I was able to put the situation to the back of my mind. But now I am really hoping that something happens to take me out of this situation that is out of my control because I simply do not have the willpower.

I’d always liked to drink, but I’d never been a drunk. But drinking went hand in hand with everything else and made the experiences that bit better. I’m still getting calls at random hours from different girls. I wasn’t sure why, but when I spoke to one of the girls before I’d had a lot to drink which wasn’t normal she told me how nice I was and how kind I was. You don’t need to tell me what that means, but I was spending considerably more money than I should have been.

I wanted to get help, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to take the feelings of withdrawal. As I talk about this no longer in that position I’m talking about having withdrawal. Withdrawal from the Thailand bar scene for some people is worse than the withdrawal from a hard drug. That is no exaggeration, and it is very important and something people need to think about.

Part of me thinks that the Thailand bar scene should be added to a list of addictive things. Some people were able to go enjoy themselves and leave. I wasn’t one of those people. Just like someone can try a drug and think it’s good, but they don’t need it. Some people do need it, and I was no different. Apart from it was the bar scene in Pattaya that I needed.

Returning Home After Losing Everything in Pattaya

Within 6 months, everything I had was gone. The most sensible thing I did when I knew the writing was on the wall and no matter how hard it was to accept I contacted an estate agency back at home and managed to find somewhere to rent. I didn’t have any credit anymore or work references, so I paid 6 months up front. I did this when I had £10,000 left in the bank. I knew if I didn’t, I would watch my money go down to zero and not even have a place to go when I returned home.

I’d come to the understanding that I would need to return home, and the only way I could feel better about that was by drinking even more.

I can remember my last night in Pattaya. I am again embarrassed to admit that part of me wished it would have been my final last night, but I went out in the best way I knew how. I spent the last of my money on one of Pattaya’s best hotels. I went out to buy a brand new outfit. Don’t ask me why. I’m just telling you what happened. And then I hit the bars with the understanding that this was probably going to be the last time I would ever see Pattaya. If I came back, I would just get into the same situation that I was in now. And I went for the best night I’d have.

Sensibly, I had left myself enough money for the plane ride home. Having that place to move to when I got back was probably the most sensible thing I’d done, and I left myself enough money to exist until I found a new job.

Recovering Through Therapy After Returning Home

I did seek help when I got home. I was in a really bad state, both mentally and physically. I’d put on a lot of weight, and it took me many months of therapy to return to my former self. It was only then that I realized the gravity of my stupidity.

The house I was living in was £400 a month. The one next door happened to be for sale at the time, and it was £85,000. Looking at it, thinking that would have been a better way to spend money than the bars in Pattaya and they could have had two of them and money left over. But you have to put thoughts like that away. You can’t think like that because it will destroy you.

And I just have to think that that time of my life was an experience that I will always remember. I have to remember that at the time I was having the best time I’d ever had. I also need to accept that I will never have as good a time again.

Where I Am Now After Leaving Pattaya

Lots of years have passed since then, and I am in a better place now. But I still find myself having sudden urges urges to go back to Pattaya for one last hurrah. I know that is not a good idea, and I haven’t been back since. I haven’t been back to Thailand since. I’ve even avoided other countries.

Out of all the friends that I lost because I didn’t understand why they weren’t excited about Thailand, one of them has proved to be a great friend. He understands that I love Thailand and that I don’t really feel at home in England. And his suggestion was why don’t I go somewhere else instead the Philippines, Vietnam, Cambodia. But I don’t think he understands that it might be a different country. But if it has what Pattaya has, my personality means that I am no longer able to enjoy it in moderation.

There’s something about that that makes the idea of moderation feel scary and something to avoid at all costs. At least I know myself well enough not to put myself in that position again.

Going to the pub with my friend it’s not the same. While they still serve beer, it’s not like going to the bars in Pattaya. The bars in Pattaya are the whole package. So I’m not going to get into that addiction at home, which I suppose is a positive.

My Final Warning About Pattaya Addiction

This is about how I lost everything in Pattaya. But it wasn’t at the hands of anyone else. It was down to my own addiction and the fact that I simply could not do anything apart from continue down that path until there was nothing left.

Be very careful if you’re wired the same as I am. If you are in Thailand and especially Pattaya understand it could cause you to do what I did. And trust me, it might be worth it in the moment, but the memories do not make up for the destruction you’ve caused yourself.

So, never forget that.