Nick’s Car Crash Thailand Romance

Many people forget that we were all newbies in Thailand at one time. This story is my memories of when I was a newbie. I’m a seasoned traveller now, but my first time to Thailand was a roller coaster ride that I wouldn’t pay to go on again.

The Vulnerable State of Mind

I’ll give you some background first. I had just turned 50 at the time, living in the UK, and was going through a divorce. I had been married for 25 years and had a daughter who was now 22. I didn’t really want to be single again at 50, but my wife had been unfaithful to me, so I felt I had no choice other than a divorce. I was emotionally vulnerable but really wasn’t aware of it at the time, which was to play a decisive role in a couple of months.

Meeting Nang Online

I’d never been to Thailand or Asia, so I researched and made arrangements online to stay at a hotel in Pattaya, which was located in Naklua (the north of Pattaya, not the main beach road). I looked on a Thai dating site something I’d never considered before but it is difficult to be alone when you have been married for so many years.

I messaged three women from the first five pages I looked at and received just one reply, from a lady who apparently had never been married and was aged 32. The lady told me that she worked in a graphic design company in Pattaya, owned a car, and was a Buddhist. Her name was Nang.

We continued to chat on WhatsApp and learned more about each other on a daily basis. Nang seemed genuine enough. She sent me photographs of her at temples, at work, in the car, and wearing her uniform. Nang also told me that she was the head accountant in the company that she worked for.

The Car Accident and The Money Request

It was about two days before my flight home, and I hadn’t heard from Nang at our usual times of messaging. Eventually, at 6 p.m. her time in Thailand (midday in the UK), I got a message from Nang saying she had been in a car accident.

After about an hour, Nang messaged me and told me she was in hospital, not badly hurt. Nang said something about money but passed the phone over to someone who apparently was a doctor who could speak English. He said Nang was shy but asked if I could help with any medical bills.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this story, I was emotionally vulnerable at the time and didn’t suspect anything, so I sent Nang 50,000 Baht that she asked for, truly believing that she intended to pay me back when I returned to Thailand.

The Baby Question

Nang was very thankful. It was then that she stunned me with a question: she asked me if I could still father children. I guess so, I told her. ‘I really want a baby,’ she said.

I thought maybe she had had a bigger bang on the head from the accident than I had originally thought, so I didn’t say much more about it. I asked her to get some rest and we’d talk later.

Our next messaging session was about having children again. I just said that I was 50 years old and having a baby was the last thing on my mind. She seemed dejected. I felt a bit sad at how blunt I’d replied, so I added that I wasn’t against having one. ‘I really want to see you,’ she said. I was infatuated with Nang back then. I just didn’t know it.

The First Meeting in Thailand

I arrived back in Bangkok mid afternoon and had arranged to meet up with Nang. I’d arranged a short three day holiday to Koh Samui, flying around 8:30 a.m. the next day. Nang arrived at my hotel at about 7 p.m. in a newish white Toyota pickup truck.

The plan had been that Nang would go home after dinner and return in the morning. But Nang told me that she wanted to stay at my hotel rather than having to drive home and back again. I told her I had only a double bed, so I suggested that I sleep on the floor. Nang didn’t say anything.

After a few minutes we were in my room. Nang said to me that she wanted me to spend the night with her in one bed. Believe it or not, I was actually quite shy at the time. However, nature took its course, and we were both okay with it in the end.

The Pregnancy Announcement

We had a nice three day holiday in Koh Samui. I’d forgotten all about the 50,000 Baht that I had sent to Nang, but she brought it up and I told her to consider it a gift.

Nang told me one night, out of the blue, that she was pregnant. I was in total shock and told her that I wanted to see for myself. We bought a test kit from a local pharmacy. She did the test and it came back negative. Relieved is an understatement.

The next day Nang was acting a little strange. She said she didn’t think she’d done the test properly and wanted to do another one. So I told her I would help her do the test properly. We did the test for a second time, and this time it came back positive.

The Doctor’s Visit and The Timeline Problem

Nang didn’t ask me anything but put plans into action: a visit to her parents’ home, wedding photos, and a visit to a female doctor. ‘We must get married and we must go doctor now,’ she said.

The female doctor spoke excellent English. She gave Nang an ultrasound scan and, on seeing the results, said that the baby was about six weeks old. Nang didn’t react at all. But I did.

I persisted with a question: ‘Nang, I’ve only been here since August the 2nd. Are you sure the scan has given the baby’s age correctly?’ She replied that given the measurements, yes, she thought the baby to be about six weeks old. I questioned Nang about the baby’s age, but she didn’t understand my concerns.

The Village Wedding and The Dowry

The next day, after 11 hours of driving, we reached Nang’s home. Although it was night time, it was clear to me that this area was very basic wooden shacks, dogs roaming free, and nobody speaking English. When the car eventually stopped, I was utterly shocked to see about 100 people standing there waiting to greet us.

The next morning I woke up very early to a lot of noise. There was somebody doing Nang’s makeup, a photographer, a monk who was blessing the house, and people were tying coloured string around each other’s wrists. Apparently we were getting married not officially, but the Thai way, which is a religious festival.

I was told I would have to give a dowry. Nang told her father that I would be giving him 200,000 Baht. I went into full panic mode as I didn’t have that kind of money on me. However, I was told that there was a bank about 50 kilometres away. I reluctantly agreed.

Discovering the Debts

I later found out that Nang was 300,000 Baht in debt on credit cards. I found this out by finding a load of receipts in the boot of her car. When I confronted her about this, she said she had tried to help her brother who had promised to pay her back.

‘This is crazy,’ I thought. So much money. I withdrew 300,000 Baht, gave it to Nang, and told her to clear all of her debt.

We bought land for 700,000 Baht. We weren’t looking to build anything too big just comfortable with maybe two bedrooms.

The Investment That Disappeared

I became quite good friends with Nang’s boss. He was looking for investors and offered me a deal: if I put one million Baht into his company, I would have full access to all of his past orders and records. Obviously I needed an income if I was to remain in Thailand. We decided that I should go ahead and invest. Nang put the money into the company’s bank account.

A couple of days later, Nang’s boss told me the money had not arrived. I explained that I had given the money to Nang to deposit. It transpired later on that Nang had transferred the money to another account and not that of her boss. Everybody in the company stopped talking to her.

Eventually she told me that her brother had problems and needed the money, so she gave it to him to build himself a house. Just like that. No remorse. No understanding that the money was for us and our little family.

Baby Pim Arrives

Baby Pim came exactly on schedule or in my case, one month too early. But she was a sweetheart.

We seemed to be struggling all the time financially. Nang would ask for money to help pay for the car. I later found out Nang was in debt for another 200,000 Baht. Yes, another debt. And we had nothing to show for it. I was nearly out of money.

The Final Straw

If we didn’t have Pim, I really would have gone back to England there and then. I hadn’t had enough of Nang baby or not I couldn’t stay with her any longer. I had no money left, no options, and no way out.

Nang visited her parents in their village one time and took Pim for a visit. But when Nang came back, she left Pim up north at her brother’s. What the hell was going on? I was furious but had no way of getting Pim back. Nang had assumed Pim to be a burden and decided by herself that Pim should be with her brother’s family up north.

I decided to leave Nang after that. I couldn’t fight her. This was her country, not mine.

A New Beginning

I had gotten to know lots of people through playing pool. One of them said, ‘There is a teacher vacancy at my school if you’re interested.’ The upshot was I got the job. I worked really hard, paid any debts off, and got a teaching and TEFL certificate. I have been at the school over five years now, and I’m back on my feet.

When Nang found out I had a good job, she tried to tempt me back by saying she’d bring Pim back to Pattaya and we could be a family again. But I declined her offer. I wanted Pim, but not Nang.

I got lucky in the end. I’ve got a good job here and some good friends. I’ve met many who haven’t been so lucky. This all started years ago, and YouTube channels such as yours were not about but if they were, I’d have been better prepared. So any newbies would be well to listen to advice and the misfortunes of others.

There you go guys, another car crash story. But he did well to get out of it. The only thing I’d say is that having a child makes it difficult. What would I have done in that situation? I would have got the DNA test as quickly as possible and I would have been out then. But as he said, he was new to the whole Thailand thing at the time, and it’s always easy to judge rather than to understand, isn’t it?

Why Bar Relationships Cost More Than Expected

This takes me quite nicely into my next story, which is short and it’s good advice for you guys to listen to if you’ve never been to Thailand before. The title of this story is called Far More Trouble Than They Are Worth.

Once upon a time, an Australian expat living in Pattaya just could not face the prospect of leaving the bar scene and returning back to Australia retired and poor. He jumped off a building the night he was meant to catch a taxi to Bangkok to head back home. How sad is that?

The Real Cost of the Bar Scene

The bar scene is very addictive, and the prices for alcohol are not cheap anymore. To enjoy any female company in the bars is going to cost a hefty chunk of change in ladies’ drinks, bar fines, and any other personal business in the room. Throw in taxi fares, a usual late night meal, and snacks from 7 Eleven you will be burning through the best part of £100 (4,500 Baht) for the whole night out. Take the lady for a few days and costs will mount up, resulting in a drained wallet.

Sponsorship: The Monthly Trap

To sponsor a girl to have as a girlfriend, the minimum accepted monthly amount is around 20,000 to 30,000 Baht (about £500 to £750). On top of that, you will be paying for all meals, outings, drinks for her, laundry, taxis, etc. so add several thousand Baht for all those extras as well.

If she has health issues, needs glasses, teeth fixing, then more expenses on top. More often than not, she will lean heavily on you when it comes to her family, especially if she has a kid back in her village being taken care of by her parents. As a result of very basic rural village life, sickness is common and involves medical costs that are not affordable to the family.

Time to dig deep. More pressure for the farang boyfriend to help out, who will be racked with guilt if he declines to shell out for an operation for a sick parent and they face death. No point in pretending this won’t happen, because it’s quite possible.

The Bottom Line

The bar girls can be extremely fickle. If someone better comes along, they follow the money and we shouldn’t be surprised at that strategy, given what they were doing to earn a living in the first place. The bottom line is the farang will end up broke, ruined, depressed, and in the worst possible case scenario, feeling suicidal.

There will no doubt be success stories with the ladies from the entertainment zones. Good luck to anybody that is making it all work out long term. Having said that, I reckon such a relationship is like rolling the dice against long odds something akin to going to a casino and dumping years of hard earned money on the roulette wheel, then hoping the ball will land favorably.

I must confess to completely ignoring my own observations. A young lady in Cambodia melted my heart and common sense went out of the window. I guess I wanted to touch the electric fence just to see how much it hurt.

Wise Words to Live By

One wise man that had been through the mangle dispensed this sound advice: when it comes to choosing between a woman and money, go for money every time. That way, when she leaves you because you won’t invest your life savings in one of her fantasy dream world business ventures, you can console yourself by reflecting that you have lost the one item that is far easier to replace. It’s hard to argue against that logic.

Keep a close watch on the bank balance and think carefully through all the implications of leading a lifestyle with a lady from the bars. Most of all, stay in full financial control, because nobody has much pity for broke and lonely farangs in Thailand.

So there you go the same kind of thing, isn’t it? Like I’m always saying, guys, the girls who work in the bars are great fun. They’re nice girls to have fun with and play games with in the bar. But if you go to Thailand on holiday just looking for fun, that’s fair enough. But if you go there with the intention of finding a long term partner, a girlfriend, something that could become more serious, then stay away from the bar girls.

I know it’s tempting because a lot of them speak really good English, and that’s a real good draw. But why do they speak English and work in a bar? Most educated Thai girls who speak English work for very, very good companies.

There’s lots of good advice on YouTube now. If you’re going out there for the first time, just do lots and lots of research.