Things Got WEIRD Fast After He Married in Thailand
Hello, welcome. The first time I heard those words, I was walking down Sukhumvit Soi after I’d arrived in Bangkok only 2 hours before that. It was my first time in Thailand and I heard it again. Hello, welcome. Past the second bar and the third bar and before long I’d succumbed to the allure and the temptation and I was in the bar right next to the entrance to a place called Nana Plaza.
I didn’t know anything about Thailand and the reason for being there was actually quite a sad one. My dad had moved to Thailand and he’d sadly passed away. He was in his mid-80s so he had a good run, he had a great life and he went out in the way he wanted to go out. He wasn’t scammed or robbed or anything like that, but I was there to arrange everything. Although he had asked me to visit him a few times, one of my biggest regrets is not going to visit him and not seeing him living his retirement in his latter years to the max.
I was there and I was going to be there for 2 weeks. I’d left my life behind at home. Everything was put on pause for this Thailand trip. I’d put in for time off work. I had two siblings who were both younger than me, and I was the one who was told to go and sort it out. To be honest, I was always thinking about Dad, as I was on the way to Thailand, wondering what it was going to be like, just remembering him talking about certain places that he’d been, and that’s why I was there.
He’d died in a different part of the country. He’d built a house with his wife, who was in her 50s, a similar age to me, up in a place called Udon Thani, in a little village close to the town. I was going to go up and they were going to do the funeral rites there because that was what his wish was. He didn’t want to be taken home. He wanted to go out in style in Thailand and the whole village was going to be part of this and it was going to be done the Thai way and I was a family representative going to be there.
I did in a way expect the whole family to go but they didn’t want to. They all had family commitments. They weren’t as close to Dad as I was. But even still, it would have been nice for them to show respect. But I suppose they just didn’t understand the Thai way and they thought it was backwards what he wanted. To me, if that’s what he wanted, then he can be left to his devices. But again, they pushed me to go as being the sole person from the family. I was going with a very heavy heart. Of course, I was because Dad played a big part in my life.
When I walked into that first bar on Sukhumvit Soi 4, I remember Sukhumvit 4 was one of the places that Dad had talked about. Something to do with playing pool on there into the dead of night. Something to do with having a fantastic English breakfast there surrounded by Thai food. Something about how he was able to find himself in his latter years after mom died in a place where he was no longer thinking about the past and things that he didn’t have anymore. He was thinking about the future.
He had done quite well in his life. He’d made a lot of money. He’d spent a lot of money. I was going to be receiving approximately £150,000 from his estate, which was something that I would have gladly given to have seen him just one last time. We can’t have that, though. Can we?
His wife was going to be taken care of, too. I wasn’t thinking about that then. I was just sitting in this bar and before I know it, hello, welcome, it comes again. And I’d heard it a few times now, being called off the street. We were in low season at this point when I’d arrived, and this was back in 2014, and it wasn’t that busy. Once I’d walked into this place, it was more of a personal hello welcome.
A girl walks over who I really had to look at again before realizing that she was actually talking to me. I knew what she was there for, and I wasn’t stupid. But even still, it’s very intoxicating having a beautiful girl reaching out her hand to shake yours and asking you questions about your life as if she’s actually interested. I wasn’t pretending to believe that she was interested, but it’s very alluring. It’s exciting. Before I know it, I’ve forgotten the reason why I’m even in Thailand in the first place, and I’m speaking to her without any care in the world.
Thai Beer and Dinner on Sukhumvit
That first night, again, because I’d spoken to Dad about this, he said he had his favorite Thai beer. He said he always preferred Singha. I thought it was a way to honor him. I’d sample each of the Thai beers and see which one I’d like, too. I suppose his taste was spot-on because Singha was the best. Chang was okay. Leo was not my favorite. San Miguel Light was pretty decent too. But Singha just felt like it was, I would say, the most cultured beer. In fact, perhaps that was just my take because I was sampling those beers.
Before long, this girl’s having drinks, too. It’s just that moment in time when you’re lost in this understanding that you’re able to just enjoy yourself without worrying that you might say something wrong without worrying that you’re going to upset someone or anger someone or anything that might happen. None of that matters. All that matters is living in the moment and being at one with yourself. And I was at one with myself.
Of course, I knew that she was making money off the drinks I was buying for her. I knew things were available, but I didn’t know how easily available they were. I wasn’t expecting to spend hours in that place, but I was there for hours. I was just going for a walk all the way up to the street and down again before going back to my hotel because I was quite tired since arriving in the country. But I wasn’t tired anymore. And although I was probably getting hungry, and I did want to go for something to eat, she said so calmly, as if she wasn’t nervous or shy or anything. Do you want me to go with you? Those exact words, you want me, go you. I thought that was very forward of her, but yes, you can if you want.
I was hungry. She said she wasn’t hungry, but she’d gladly eat if I wanted her to. Again, how odd. She was very slender. It wasn’t like she seemed to eat a lot of food. I said, “I want to go for a pizza. I think that was it.” She said she knew a great place. She led me by the hand after I’d paid some money for the bill. I think I had to pay 500 baht for her to be able to leave the bar. I never understood that until I’d become a lot more Thailand knowledgeable. Obviously, she’s not going to make money from drinks when you take her out, therefore the bar’s going to lose out. I think that’s where the idea comes from. Although I didn’t agree with it, it wasn’t like it would affect me. It was an amount of money I wouldn’t miss.
She led me by the hand further up the Soi, took a left, and we were walking down this quite dark passageway. On both sides, there seemed to be big buildings with lights on in the windows quite high up. I assumed that there were places where people lived and that’s when you think people actually live there. That just didn’t make sense to me. I mean, it made sense to me there are people living in these places here, but they’re actually living there. That’s something that makes you think people must live such very different lives to you. Then you think about your own life and how boring it actually is.
I wasn’t married. I had two kids from a previous marriage, but they were already grown up. I had them very young. My life just ticked over. I went to work. I did my dues. Looking at these two places, I think one was a Saranji mansion. I mean, I know it was because I went back and checked later on when Thailand was becoming more of me looking at a place to live. On the other side, they had another place. And thinking people were living there, it really made me believe that the world was something that you could go out and grab and take and enjoy for yourself as opposed to just living the normal humdrum life existence that you could potentially live at home and just tick over as if nothing better is out there. But things are better out there.
We walk a bit further and then you see this big row of what I would later learn were shophouses. Down below there seemed to be massage places and a few of them seemed to be boarded up. The places that seemed to just be like houses, huge gates out front, massive walls around them and everyone seemed to wall off their property. In Thailand, there was no open easy access. Then you think, is Thailand dangerous? No, Thailand is not dangerous. You feel safer there than you feel at home. And perhaps it was a cultural thing. We walk a bit further. You have that famous place on the right as you’re entering Sukhumvit Soi 8, which was one of those places that you’re never going to go in yourself, but you hear stories about the girls sitting out front with the little skirts on. Leave it at that.
We walk a bit further, arrive at Sukhumvit Soi, which she said, “This is Soi now.” She said, “Pizza over there.” It was an Italian restaurant just a bit opposite one of the 7-Elevens. We walked in and had a look at the menu. Big choice. I ordered something and she ordered this pasta dish and I’m just living like an out-of-body experience because it really felt like that. This is such a different world to what I was used to.
I’m thinking when I was in there sitting down and the pizza arrived that was when Dad came back to mind. In 2 days’ time I’m going up to Udon Thani to go and do this whatever it is they’re doing. Apparently they were already doing some rituals and it’s going to last 3 days and I was there for the last one. That was what I was told to do. That is what his wife told me to do. She spoke English very well, similar age to me. As I said, I was going up there. Then I’m thinking, well, this is how Dad lived. And I wasn’t surprised.
The Bangkok Hotel on Soi 11
My hotel wasn’t too far away. Quite a famous place down Soi 11. I remembered walking from that hotel to Soi 4, hearing the hello welcome, entering the bar, having all those thoughts, and now I’m with this girl. It’s like this Thailand journey that I’m on has moved forwards. Like months have passed in my life as opposed to a couple of hours and I’m just completely hooked on what Thailand is all about.
I finished up with that pizza and it was only about 8:00 p.m. The place was getting a lot livelier even though it was low season and it starts raining. In fact, it starts bucketing down. Absolutely bucketing it down like you walk outside for 5 seconds you’re going to be completely drenched. Absolutely soaked from head to toe. I didn’t have an umbrella but she just said no problem. Have drink. Have a few more drinks. Pay the bill. Still raining a bit, but let’s make a run for it after that. I just find she’s going with me as if it’s normal. And it’s not a question of I’ll take you back home or any of that stuff that would happen at home. It’s just very normal.
You arrive back at the hotel, wake up, and, oh my God, what has just happened? This is like life on steroids. This is like life completely devoid of boredom. And I was hooked. I didn’t know how to act in the morning. It felt very strange. Really strange. But at the time it just felt like this is Thailand. This is what everyone says about Thailand. This is it. It’s not seedy. It’s not uncomfortable like many people say. It’s nothing like that. It’s the exact opposite. It’s like life is meant to be. You have to understand how seriously Thailand changed me and how it changes so many people.
That girl ended up leaving. It was nothing about me falling in love with her, but I could understand why guys did. She’s leaving and I’m sitting there on this chair looking out of the window. I was on a high floor looking out of the city and just thinking that this is a city of wonder.
I got down to breakfast before 10:00. There was a huge spread. The hotel was only £35 a night, but it had a huge spread of great food. I went for a swim. Great pool, boiling hot outside. Just coming to terms with the fact that I’ve just found my place in the world and it was there because of Dad. I felt like I owed Dad the world.
That same day at night, I went along Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza. I relived that, checking out the more extreme places. Even walked past that bar where she worked and she was there and she remembered me and she came to the front and said, “You want drink?” I said, “I’ll come back.” Didn’t want to get too hooked knowing I was leaving the following day. But it was just like I’d arrived home. That’s what it felt like.
Dad’s Funeral in Udon Thani
I’d arranged for the following day. That was when I was going up to Udon Thani. It was going to be the last ceremony when the cremation took place the following day. I’d arranged with the assistance of Dad’s wife for me to get a taxi up there. It’s going to cost about 150 quid, which didn’t seem too bad given the fact it was probably going to be 10 to 12 hours. We set off on that trip pretty early. I was, in a way, moving away from the excitement of Thailand. The excitement that I felt arriving and being open to all these experiences that you’d never believe possible.
Entering the hinterland of the country where it’s more rural and the landscape is different. You don’t have the crazy noises and they don’t have the hectic traffic and the bright lights of the big city. You have the exact opposite of that. You have big smooth well-tarmacked highways just looking either side and it’s empty rice plains as far as the eye can see. Arrive at a small town and the highway goes right through the town. They’ve got traffic lights on them and you’re looking at the side and it’s a place that’s full of wonder and you’re starting to understand why so many people have these feelings about Thailand that nobody could ever describe by not going.
By the time we arrived up in Udon Thani, the taxi dropped me off at his house. That was the first time I saw his house. He hadn’t even sent me pictures, and it was a very, very out-of-place house in its location. Surrounded by lots of more humble abodes, mostly made out of wood, mostly single-story or built on stilts, some concrete, but the concrete wasn’t rendered or painted. Holes around the top of the wall where the roof met the wall.
His house was palatial in comparison. A big four-bedroom, double-story house made of pure concrete. A huge probably 2 m wall around the perimeter which was rendered and painted. Well-kept gardens. Apparently, he had two people working for him. Had a nice car parked outside under the carport in his house. It just looked like, if you think back to the lord of the manor, surrounded by people who worked his land, that’s what it looked like. But of course, it was a very, very different situation.
I was in more of a somber mood after seeing him lying there because that’s how it was kept. I don’t want to come across as being disrespectful to Dad because I love him dearly. Really, really love him dearly. But let’s just say the way he was kept was something that wouldn’t be allowed to happen at home. People were quite literally going to buy ice from the local shop. I don’t want to say more. They were paying people respect, of course they were, but everyone was wearing black and white.
I was shown to a small hotel accommodation, but not really a hotel. They were like bungalows. They had about five or six of them on the plot of land about 5 minutes away. 500 baht a night, air conditioning, reasonable, very bare bones and basic. But I was shown there and they’ll come and pick me up in the morning.
The following morning, it was the start of one of the times that you’ll remember forever. Woke up early and there were probably a couple of hundred people there. They had this carriage. I would describe it as the coffin’s placed in there and people are walking behind it and music’s playing. Everyone’s walking and showing respect and you arrive at the wat where the cremation takes place and there are celebrations and chanting and something you wouldn’t believe unless you saw it. Then the cremation takes place. Someone in the village said something to show respect. Didn’t understand a word of anything. His wife was very upset. She was crying. She was going to be taken care of. That wasn’t the problem. She was part of Dad’s will too. She had his house and car and it was hers.
Anyway, I suppose by the time I’m leaving that evening, I just felt a connection to the country, a connection to what Dad had lived his latter years doing. He’d been there for 20 years, mind, and he went out happy. And I left thinking, I owe Dad happiness, too. I owe Dad the fact that I’m not here to waste my life anymore. I’m not here to just do the humdrum, to tick over and to exist. I’m not here for that. I want to enjoy myself. I want to follow in his footsteps and move to Thailand, given the fact that he was leaving me some money.
Plus, I added that to what money I had. I’m probably going to have enough to live in Thailand, and I was already thinking that’s what I should do. I felt like I owed that to Dad. I owed him that sense of respect that I was there to follow in his footsteps, to respect what he did, and to do the same thing. If that meant moving to Thailand myself, I was going to do it.
It’s just crazy how I was feeling in a way like I belonged to Thailand now, like Thailand had me, and it wouldn’t let go. If you’ve seen that movie, everyone’s seen that movie, The Hangover 2, haven’t they? Bangkok‘s got me now, and that’s it. I mean, it was like the whole country had me. It wasn’t just Bangkok.
Following in Dad’s Footsteps
I arrived back in Bangkok feeling like it was great to give Dad that send off, happy that he had the Thai style one that he wished for, and I’ve got now just over a week in the country to go and explore more. Do I stay in Bangkok? Do I go anywhere else? And I found myself having a few more days in Bangkok. Each day like a replica of the day before, but in a different location with a different girl, a different everything. Similar conversations, similar that, but different location. It’s just wild what you’re able to do there.
I went next to Pattaya. It just seemed to be the next step. Very popular. Dad had spoken about Pattaya lots of times before. He said he went there on holiday. He went a couple of times a year even, as well as going to other places. I’m just thinking, “Dad, what are you getting up to?” Pattaya was wild, completely wild, brilliant, wonderful place. As was Koh Samui, although Koh Samui felt like it was a different world to the places I’d fallen in love with. You didn’t really have that scene that I felt this connection to.
I found myself leaving Thailand, a changed man. I was different. I just wasn’t the same. Things that I had and things that my life was about didn’t mean anything to me anymore. I remember even walking through the door of my house that was, you know, everything I owned in the world. A small semi-detached house on this nondescript housing estate, opening the door, closing it, and just hearing silence. There’s no hectic traffic noises outside. There’s no flashing lights coming through the window. There’s no sense of excitement. I can just leave and I can get anything I want 100 meters of where I am. That’s what Thailand was like. But where I just arrived back at, that wasn’t the case at all.
I went to meet up with my siblings the following day, told them about Dad, sent them some pictures, and they were indifferent, saying they weren’t that close to him like I was. I suppose I wasn’t close enough because I didn’t see him when I should have done. But that was it. I told them I’m going to be moving to Thailand soon, too. I’d already decided that’s what I was doing. Just needed to wait for the money to come through. In the meantime, I’m going to sell my house. It was something that was so obvious that if I didn’t do this, I’d be throwing away the opportunity of a lifetime. If Dad can do it, I can do it, too.
I was 52, and at that moment, I was due to be going back to work. The reason I didn’t quit the job straight away is because I wanted to feel what it was like to go back. The fact I knew I was going to quit, I knew I had money coming, I knew I had my house, the fact that I knew I could quit and I could leave, that made going back to work okay.
Seeing the people around me, there was this one guy who I worked with, he was 40, in his 40s, early 40s, I think. He had three kids. They lived in rented accommodation. I could just tell how robotic he was. Not by any fault of his own. Not because he didn’t want to be happy and live a good life, but because he was just following the motions of an awful life, an awful existence. Not being able to put anything away. Not being able to save for the future. His wife, that wouldn’t give him the same kind of excitement that he’d be able to have in Thailand. Just being there, who perhaps wasn’t beautiful, who perhaps wasn’t his dream, but that’s all he could have. I was there thinking, I just can’t wait to escape.
Over the next few weeks, I sorted out getting the house on the market and probate was started. It was quite a quick thing because Dad just had savings in one location. It was going to be a couple of months and probably I would say 4 months after arriving in Thailand for the first time, I’d sold everything. I’d quit my job. I had money in the bank and I had about £350,000. That was everything I had in the world. Got rid of most of my stuff so I could fit everything into a backpack and a small suitcase. I got a retirement visa so I could go to Thailand and extend that. Needed to get a bank account arranged, but aside from that, I was good to go and start living.
It was just a feeling of not being able to comprehend what was actually coming my way. The fact I was actually going to do it, but also nervous that I might get there and everything just that had taken place was actually a dream. Perhaps I’d been asleep and Dad had died in my dreams and I’d gone to visit him in my dreams to see the funeral and everything that had happened. And it was all in my dreams and I was about to wake up and go back to work because Dad hadn’t died at all.
Now that hadn’t happened, but that’s what it felt like. It felt like that’s what it should have been because surely this wasn’t possible.
Living in Bangkok on 15,000 Baht a Month
I arrived in Thailand March 2015. That was when I was back and I went straight to the same hotel. Really nervous. When you’ve been to Thailand and you get in the taxi from Suvarnabhumi airport and you’re on the highway looking at the cityscape in front of you, it just stretches as far as the eye can see. High-rise after high-rise after high-rise. When you’re close to places, you’re looking out of the window and you’re seeing local houses next to roads going off in all different directions. Massage party places with huge billboards that you can see on the highway, lights in the distance, and you see the Bay Tower in the distance, too. A place where I was hoping to actually go and check out, learning since I’d been back doing research, they had a nice restaurant at the top.
Lots of things that I was there and just wondering when I get to Nana, is it going to be the same? Of course, it was the same. Breathing a huge sigh of relief, quite literally. And life begins.
This new life begins. No plan where I was going to live, no ideas what I was going to do, apart from knowing that I had what I had, which was invested, which was hopefully going to give me enough income to see this life out and have just as good a go of it as Dad did. That’s what the plan was, and that’s what I was going to do.
After about a week of just pretending I was on holiday, I was really up for finding a place to live. Before I did that though, I went to Pattaya to see if I would feel great living there. Looked at some places, but ultimately I decided that Bangkok was what gave me the introduction to Thailand. Bangkok is what gave me that first experience. And everyone cherishes their first experience, don’t they? That first time, you want to hold on to that. I just felt like I wanted to live in one of those condo buildings that I’d walked past on that first night, remarking about how wonderful it was that people actually lived somewhere like this, not understanding that actually people did live there.
It was the Saranji mansion. When I went to go and have a look, I walked to the area and I asked and they said I had to contact an agent. Got a few numbers, contacted a few agents, and an hour later, after having an English breakfast at that place that Dad talked about and how he loved it there, I’m being shown around this 30 m one-bedroom unit that’s 15,000 baht a month. I’m thinking this is everything I need.
I agreed to take it on a year’s contract, signed that, paid the money, paid the deposit, and I was in. As easy as signing a bit of paper and saying I want it. Feel bad for people at home how difficult it is to rent. You want to rent somewhere, you can’t just rent somewhere. You’ve got to go through a huge process. But it’s not the same, is it? They couldn’t just get rid of you if you weren’t a suitable person living there at home. But in Thailand, they could.
What I’m finding is I’ve just found a place to live living in Thailand and I just couldn’t believe it. I was going out nightly. I was meeting girls nightly. I was again still in holiday mode. And I was going to be in holiday mode as long as I needed to be.
I did manage to arrange a bank account to be sorted out. I went to the Bangkok Bank branch at the end of Sukhumvit Soi. They opened an account for me, transferred money in for the visa so I could extend it when needed.
All of a sudden, I’m just living this life that I didn’t imagine possible. If I went back 5 months in time when I was on the way to Thailand, it was just meant to go and pay respects to Dad and go back home and get on with life. Now I was living there. I’d sold my house. I wasn’t working anymore because I didn’t need to. And I was a different person entirely. There to enjoy life. There to be able to do what I want for a change.
I was meeting girls probably daily at this point. Never really wanting more than anything like serious because that was not what it was about to start with. I was too happy and too excited to be living every day like it was my last. Not wanting to get tied down.
Learning to Ride a 500cc Honda
There were a couple of guys I became friendly with over the first few months living there. Every one of them seemed to have their own routines.
There was a bar/pub on Sukhumvit Soi 8 which I went to regularly. The guys there who lived there were a similar age to me, all living a better life now, in a similar position. It was like we were just made to be with each other and friendly with each other, wanting the same things, escaping the same boring life from home.
I went to Pattaya a few times during those months too, made friends there, and I found the people in Pattaya and Bangkok, at least in terms of expats, were quite different, especially the sorts of expats who like the nightlife scene and the bars. The expats in Bangkok versus Pattaya were just different breeds, and I felt like I fit in more with the guys in Bangkok.
One of the guys I met, he had a motorcycle and he went on regular trips. He was actually getting ready to go off on one soon and he was going to head up north, go to a place called Tak, go up the border all the way to Pai and Chiang Rai, then back to Chiang Mai, do the Mae Hong Son Loop. That was a famous thing. He’d done it time and time again. And in fact, his wife’s on the back. And it sounded like something interesting.
I’d never ridden a bike in my life before. Not once. Not even a push bike even. I mean, never. And when he said, “You’ve got to do it for yourself,” I thought, “Well, maybe I will, but I would need to learn how to drive. Perhaps I could learn. I had enough money to buy a bike.”
The way he described it, going to all these different places, not seeing another foreigner in sight, eating local food in little villages, going to the top of a mountain, having a nice tea, his wife with him all the time. It felt like I wanted to do something like that, too, apart from not necessarily with the wife.
Over the next couple of months, I found a place to learn how to ride a bike, starting on a small scooter before learning how to use a clutch before getting to the point where I bought myself a 500 cc Honda. It was a touring bike, CB500. It was decent and I was quite confident. Just thinking I wanted to go off on a tour. This guy had been and explained it.
It wasn’t something I wanted to do with someone else though. It was going to be a solo thing. He went off solo with his wife and it seemed fun to do that, but I didn’t have a wife and I wasn’t about to do that.
I was already settled into life. I’d already got my retirement extension and I was living within a budget that I was able to cover. So, I treated myself to that bike. My plan was to actually go up to Udon Thani, then to Chiang Mai from there to go and say hi to my dad’s wife, see how she was doing, was she ticking along, and to show my respect to Dad who had been there. That was the plan.
Meeting a Girl in Khon Kaen
When I was on my way to Udon Thani, this is probably where the story changes a bit. I was in Khon Kaen for a night and I met a girl. Nothing unusual there. Whether it was that it wasn’t in Bangkok, whether it was that the bar was quite quiet and wasn’t busy and it didn’t seem as full as Bangkok, I have no idea. But I found that, while everything seemed to go like it did every time, I was seeing if she was interested in getting on the back of the bike with me and continuing to go further into Thailand, go up to Udon to Chiang Mai and take her back to Khon Kaen, see how she would feel about doing that.
I just felt, I wouldn’t say lonely, but I had stopped off at places along the way to Khon Kaen. I wasn’t going that far in each day. When you find a place, you’re somewhere and there aren’t necessarily any bars around in some of these places. You don’t have the chance to go out. I liked to go out in Bangkok. There was always someone to meet, always something to do. But now on this trip, I wasn’t meeting anyone and I hadn’t for about 3 or 4 days. I think that’s why I did ask her to go with me.
She said she would happily do that. Of course, she would need some money. That wasn’t a problem. I knew that would be the case already. There I am setting off from Khon Kaen with this girl on the back. I’d just turned 53 not long before, and she was 33. She was just this girl I felt a connection to in a way. I hadn’t really felt a connection to any of the other girls I’d met before. And she goes with me. We stopped off at one other place for a night along the way. I find that when I’m talking to her, it’s more about the bigger picture than it is when I’m talking to a girl that I met in a bar in Bangkok. When I met a girl at a bar in Bangkok, it was more, I would say, visceral, more in the moment, more what do you want to eat, what do you want to drink, do you want to play pool, where you’re from, things like that.
When I was with this girl from Khon Kaen, it was definitely a bar that I met her in. I’m not going to lie. But she went to and from the village where she was from. She had two kids before she was married to a guy in the UK. They got divorced. She had the house that he’d built. And because of that, it was like she knew what people in the West liked and didn’t like. I was a bit apprehensive about that fact.
She had her two kids with a Thai husband from a long time ago. She was 33, her youngest was 11 and her oldest was 13, living with her parents. But she lived with her parents, too. She just came to the bar to make extra money. They had a shop on the land. They had a house that he built where her parents were living, too. She said that she missed her husband, but he was just a bad man. Suppose that’s what they all say. I was overlooking all the things that would be clear to me if I hadn’t overlooked them, but I just felt like we’d both been there, done that, and we connected in a way because of it.
We get to Udon and meet my dad’s wife, and she seems pretty over it quite quickly. I would guess that she probably had this Thai guy living with her, but I wouldn’t be able to prove it. If she did, that’s up to her anyway because Dad’s not even there. Then you’re thinking about all these stories. Was she always with him and Dad didn’t know? If that’s the case, then well, Dad didn’t know, so it’s not a problem. It was interesting to see her, interesting to see the house again. Interesting to see the wat where the cremation took place.
But off we go, following around up to Chiang Mai. Did that Mae Hong Son Loop that guy had been raving on about. And I’m just falling more for this girl that I’m with more and more. I think I’ve met the girl I want to be with now. I really think that’s the case. It really is remarkable because she’s just making me feel things that I haven’t felt for a long time. And it’s not just excitement and fun. It’s everything else that goes along with that. It’s the companionship and it’s perhaps the soulmate thing.
When we’re in Chiang Mai, that was when the plan was to take her back to Khon Kaen. But I asked how would you like to go to Bangkok with me and spend some time there. She said she really had to get back to Khon Kaen because she hadn’t seen her kids for a while and she lived with them and she’s got that connection there. Because of that, that’s why she was working in Khon Kaen and not in Bangkok or Pattaya. That made some sense. She didn’t want to be like the girls who leave their children behind and go and work somewhere else. Apparently, that’s what she did before. She promised she’d never do that again.
So, I find I’m taking her to Khon Kaen, spending a bit of time in the city while she goes back to see the family, thinking I really want her to go to Bangkok with me. What happened there was her saying she really wants to stay here. She’d like me to stay here, too. I find I’m just between a rock and a hard place. I wanted my life in Bangkok, but I wanted her, too.
But I did agree to stay on just a bit to see how it would go. I hadn’t been to visit the family or anything like that yet because I just didn’t feel like we were there. But she wasn’t obviously working anymore because every time she came to the city, it was to see me. It was one of those difficult things. I wanted to be able to live with her, but she didn’t want to be able to do that. She did say she likes me. She wants to see the family and she wants to be with me. That’s what she kept saying. I said I would try.
Village Marriage in Isan
We actually went to visit the family probably a month after getting back to Khon Kaen and I am really on edge wanting to be in Bangkok but also wanting to be with her. But I did agree to go and see the family and the house that they were living in that her ex-husband had built. That’s basically where I had to stay. It was pretty decent. Only a bungalow, but even still pretty decent. Everything was Western. The family were, I would say, very wary. Of course, they knew that this house was paid for by a foreigner. One of the things that I suppose shocked me a bit was the fact her mom did speak quite good English. In fact, how she learned it, I don’t know. I didn’t ask. But she was able to speak to me. Perhaps she used to work in a bar, too. That could be a thing.
But she was speaking to me and she was saying things such as the guy was bad and he had a problem with this and he had a problem with that. He didn’t like this and everything that was wrong about the area.
Suppose I should have listened to what they were saying and thought, why did he believe this was the case? Why did he do that? But you don’t listen to that, do you? You just think that guy must have been really unreasonable and not really understanding of what you’re meant to do. You should follow the culture and the customs. I said how awful it was. I think she liked me. Her mom did.
Her dad didn’t speak a word of English, though. I just find when I’m there this sense of calm, like I’m following in Dad’s footsteps. I’m in a rural village in this house. I didn’t build it. Three bedrooms. Her kids are in one room, parents in one. She’s got a room. It wasn’t strange. They didn’t seem to mind I was staying there with them. Perhaps again because they’d already had this house. They always talked about her ex about how bad he was. That happened for a couple of days because I was staying there for a few days. It was just what happened.
It was insisted that I did continue to stay there. Knowing that Dad had a successful marriage and had lived his days out in happiness and got to the end in happiness. I’m finding out that this guy who used to live here had just got divorced. Believing it was his fault. I still wasn’t aware of how wrong things can go for so many people who move to Isan and live in a village with their girlfriend or wife and her family. I didn’t know that the failure rates are orders of magnitude more than the success rates. Why would I have known? I had no idea. Dad was my only experience and his went well.
I find though I’m just happy there for whatever reason. We leave back to Khon Kaen after a few days and spend more time there and she agreed to go to Bangkok with me.
We spend some time in Bangkok and at this point she’s getting very, very clingy, very forward about saying what she wants. She’s happy to have met me and she wants to be with me more and she wants to live with me and can we go live there sometimes and we’ll come to Bangkok sometimes and coming up with all ideas. I didn’t think I was there yet, but I was going along with it.
Before long, a couple of weeks go by and I’m already in tune with what she wants, saying, “I think I do love you. I think I do want to be with you and I’m happy to try.” That was when we got married crazily quickly. Only the village thing. We didn’t decide to do anything on paper yet. It just didn’t feel like we needed to. I was there on a proper visa anyway and I didn’t need to rush.
We did the village marriage. So, she called me her husband and I was supposed to call her my wife and I did. I suppose from there, there were a few things that happened which kind of woke me up to the realities of life in Thailand that I wasn’t yet aware of.
Bad Luck After the Village Marriage
Once we were married, her mom was talking about how great it was and how she liked me and I’m better than this other guy. One of the problems, she said, is you’re living in his house and it’s bad luck. I didn’t get that. What do you mean it’s bad luck? Well, her old husband built this and now you’re married. You have to build your own house. She was saying it and explaining the customs and the traditions like it was real and like it was, I don’t know, the thing that you were meant to do. This could bring bad luck to the family and all of the things she was saying. And I just wasn’t even there yet, though enough to understand that perhaps she was just talking nonsense. I didn’t know.
One day we’d been married probably for 2 months basically in Khon Kaen. I was using the bike extensively to go out and explore and I was happy. I was really happy living life. Still renting that place in Bangkok because we were meant to be going there soon.
But a couple of months go by and there is a man. I wouldn’t even say he was a monk. He was some kind of shaman. I don’t think that’s the right word to use in Thailand, but a guy was there and she was kneeling in front of him. This is her mother, as was her dad, talking about things. She had this deathly look on her face like something bad was going to happen, like the world had come crashing down and was going to cease to exist or something like that. Looked really extreme. I didn’t know what to make of it. I go and sit down and watch TV. Not really much to do. But we’d come back from the shop, got a couple of beers, and that was good.
But her mom comes and talks to me saying that this man says all these bad things are going to happen. You can’t live here. You can’t live here.
My village wife comes in and she’s saying, “Oh, mom’s serious. It is serious. You can’t live here. We’ve got to move out. Something to do with the spirit.” Again, whatever she said, it just didn’t make sense to me. But you’ve got to move out. You really have to move out. Okay. Well, let’s go to Bangkok, then. No, you have to appease the spirit or something to do with the fact that her ex built this house. If you don’t build a house, too, it’s going to come and take over. It sounded like complete hogwash to me. The sincerity, though, that she seemed to hold for these beliefs was so extreme that I just thought perhaps I better leave and never mind.
I said I’ll go to Khon Kaen, and she said yes, that’s the best idea. I got on the bike saying I was going to go myself. Going to go and have a few drinks just to get away from what I thought was nonsense. But before I start the engine, my wife calls over, “I’ll come too.” So she gets a bag and we drive to Khon Kaen. I was quite angry. Again, not upset, but it wasn’t like it was going to destroy my life or anything, but it was just all complete nonsense.
When we got to Khon Kaen, my wife was a bit apologetic, saying that her mother’s very superstitious. She’s whatever she is. She said she believes it too, just not to the extreme that her mother did. How does that make sense? You either believe it or you don’t. But even still, she managed to bring me around saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll sort something out.” She said, “Well, we could build our own house and we could live our life there.” But I wasn’t there yet. That’s the problem.
A week later, after her going to and from the village and me being in Khon Kaen, she had somehow convinced me that yes, we could build a house. We can build it because it’s the right thing to do. The village is up in arms. I don’t believe they were, but that’s what she said. Her mom’s not really well or whatever, devastated about her mom because of these things.
And you have to bear in mind the fact that she’s been with me in an amazing way all this time. She’s not angry with me. That’s the thing. My wife is perfect with me and I really liked her. She’s the most attractive girl I’d ever met, the most exciting girl I’d ever met, the most forthcoming and the most willing and the most happy to please girl I’d ever met. So I suppose that’s why I went for the house. I said yes, I’m going to build it.
Building an 80,000 Pound House
The income I was getting was coming in. I wasn’t spending all the money, but even regardless of the fact I went out often in Bangkok, went on that trip, spending money for hotels, I’m not spending too much. It wasn’t like I was going to spend a big chunk of money on the house, but it only needed to be a little bit bigger than this other one.
Apparently, according to her mother, it only needed to be four bedrooms instead of three. She said something along the lines of, “It needs to be quite close to this house. The house needs to be able to see the house. It needs to be bigger so it can scare away the spirits and something. It was complete hogwash.” And I accepted it, though. By this point, it’s important to say I was very happy with my wife. And it’s a bit entertaining. It is a source of entertainment. It started to become a joke and it’s funny. One of those things that you just live with.
But I agreed to spend about £80,000 on a house. The land was provided by the family. That wasn’t a problem. And it started being built. I wasn’t even allowed to live in the other house while it was being built. Again, we used that excuse to be able to do more traveling, spend more time in Bangkok and going to the beach. I was loving being with her. It was wonderful being with her. And that’s why you do other things, just because you want to be with her.
By the time this house was built, it had only taken 3 months. Crazy how quick it went up. But it had taken a hit on my savings. It wasn’t going to be our forever home. That’s the thing. It was going to be. That’s, I suppose, when you start to understand things don’t necessarily work like you expect them to. Even though things hadn’t been said directly or spoken about directly, you have your own assumptions about how things are going to be. Anything being any other way isn’t necessarily going to be the case.
Spirits and Superstition in the Family Home
We had to have this ceremony before we were able to move into the house. I found it very quaint, very superstitious. It was so alien to anything that I knew and anything I believed in. Even still, it didn’t matter to me. I was happy to go along with it. My income was still okay. Wasn’t like I was going to be destitute, but we had a place to live and it was going to be our base to explore the country. Her kids were growing up and as far as I was concerned, the kids and her parents were going to remain in the other house. How wrong was I? How wrong was I? Because as soon as we started moving in, they’re moving in and I was really taken aback.
I didn’t mind when we were living in that other house, I didn’t mind that, you know, sharing it for the time being because I didn’t pay for it. I always assumed, I mean, my assumption was if I moved in and lived there permanently to this house that the other guy built that her parents would move out.
The kids could live with us, but her parents would move out because it’s her house, not her parents’. They had their own house in the village, not too far away, but it wasn’t exactly a great one.
But now everyone’s moving into this house. I’m asking my wife what’s going on here and this isn’t part of the plan. And my wife looked at me like I was stupid. Of course it is. They’re moving in. We built this house because their house has been taken over.
Again, it sounded like complete nonsense. Just nonsense. Lunacy. The house had been taken over by spirits. If we move in here to the big house, they’ll go away eventually and they’ll move back in. Something like that. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t like that idea. But you have to go with it, don’t you? You have to. Because if you don’t, what else can happen?
I would say things just became very weird very fast. Although our bedroom was at one side of the house and the parents were in a bedroom at the other side of the house, it was kind of like the living room in the middle. The kids, they were normal, it seemed. They were learning English.
Her mom was very, very superstitious. But she’d been up early one morning kneeling outside the spirit house at the front of the other house, giving it offerings and coming to the new house and cooking strange things. The monks would come and take the stuff she was cooking. And she was just really into that sort of thing. She could speak good English, too. I mean, goodish is relative, isn’t it? Not great. But I start to suspect that she probably worked in a bar because she used to not drop hints, but maybe accidentally say something that alluded to the fact that that was the case. But I’m going with it for the time being because what else am I meant to do?
A couple of months later, they haven’t moved out. That’s when I’m starting to struggle with the fact that I’m living surrounded by what I consider to be a very backwards situation. The only happiness I get is when we’re going away together. We go away for a week or two weeks and we come back and things have progressed a bit more. This person, the shaman or whatever you want to call him, is coming and she’s been crazy and coming up with things that we need to do. I don’t know. I’m really struggling with the fact of being there.
Also, it’s starting to take its toll on the fact that I bought this house. I paid for this house. I built it and I can’t live in it comfortably. It’s a very bad situation. I don’t know how they were so superstitious and they said the house was just sat there.
A Cancelled Pattaya Trip and Leaving the Village
I suppose it came to a head and things got pretty bad when one morning I was woken up at 4:00 a.m. She was already up. My wife was woken up by her mother saying we need to go out. I don’t know what it was, but we need to go and give some offerings together. It’s not working or something. Something to do with the house opposite. It’s not working. Need to go and give offerings together to get rid of the bad spirits and the bad luck.
I was, to be honest, quite drunk the night before. I didn’t drink often, but I was quite drunk the night before and I just said and shouted, “F off. That’s what I said.”
Then she was furious telling my wife, blabbering on at each other in the Isan dialect. My wife starts saying, “Well, you have to come. Mom wants you to.” But I’d had enough. I’d had enough of the nonsense. The problem for them was that, apparently, it was my fault that things weren’t working. Things weren’t going according to plan and the mother was cursed because of me. As much as her dad was coming around and trying to say he was sorry, it was like she was living in this house that I paid for, not understanding that I paid for it, coming up with excuses about all this nonsense that was going on that I just couldn’t accept.
Over a few months, it got to the point where my wife was taking sides, but not with me, with her mother. Then I realized I’d fallen in love with this woman who is believing in these things that you just simply wouldn’t believe in. She’s believing in what her mother tells her and I wouldn’t get it. I couldn’t work it out and it drew a wedge between my wife and me.
The thing I kept holding on to was the fact we had something booked. We were going to be leaving together to go down to Pattaya for just a week and I kept holding on to that. We’ll be able to have a good time.
When it came time to go, my wife said she couldn’t go. Her mother said something had happened and if we went there’d be more problems. Her mother ended up saying we couldn’t go. I ended up getting on the bike and leaving myself thinking what is going on here. Then I’m thinking I know exactly why that other guy left. Exactly why and it was weird.
My wife was calling me and I didn’t answer for a few days. She kept calling me and I eventually answered. She said mother’s furious. Everything is going wrong and I’m sorry. She kept saying she was sorry. I understood that I was probably well within my rights not to believe all this stuff. But even still, it was something that she was just saying to me, like I have to do what mom wants. You need to come back.
I didn’t want to go back, but I agreed to. Didn’t even make it to Pattaya. Went back and a month later I was leaving. I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take it anymore. My wife was brainwashed by her mother.
Now I don’t believe my wife actually believed this stuff. I don’t believe that was the case. I believe that she respected her mother and wanted to do what her mother said. Apparently things will be right soon, but it was never soon. There was always something going wrong somewhere and something else cropping up.
Then I’m finding out things, like her mom gives most of her money to different monks about things and to this shaman, whatever you want to call him. She’s always giving money to them. They’re always telling her what she needs to do and what she just needs to do to get things right and she believes them. If someone said to her, “The way to fix a problem would be to go out onto the roof of the house, take two of the roof tiles, and start juggling them,” she would probably have attempted to do that. That’s how crazy it was.
Leaving the House and Returning to Bangkok
I just realized I couldn’t take it anymore. As much as I loved my wife, because I did, she wasn’t going to be by my side. I had to leave. Bye-bye £80,000 plus probably 20,000 more for little incidentals that had been paid for on top of the living expenses. I’d lost a hundred grand, £100,000.
I found myself back in Bangkok and I was still renting that place and we hardly even ever went to it, but I wanted to keep it on. But I found myself there thinking, how have I just lost £100,000? I still had what, £250,000. It wasn’t a fortune, but it gave me an income. And I kind of settled back into life that I was living before 2016 or wherever it was at this point.
Money is not that bad. I think I’m bringing in about 13,400 a month. Also, I’m due £1,000 a month in a couple of years’ time. And I just kept telling myself it was a price to pay. You’ve paid it. Get over it.
A month later though, my wife literally appears. She was sorry. She wants to have another go. Her mother’s okay now. Apparently, the problem’s fixed. Do you want to go back? I was thinking long and hard, but ultimately I said no. I was already enjoying the single life, enjoying that a lot. And I said to her, “As much as I loved her and I thought about her all the time, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” We had a big argument and off she goes, and I never saw her again.
A Small Condo and a Happy Life in Jomtien
About 6 months after that, I was down in Pattaya and I was out one day because that’s what I did, actually in Jomtien. That’s when I met my current wife. The difference is though, we didn’t go to the village apart from to do the obligatory marriage.
When I got my other income from my pension, I invested in a small condo. It was only a million baht, but it was big enough to convert into a small one-bedroom unit. It was everything I needed, everything we needed.
She was 46 when I met her, so it seemed to go okay and I’m still with her today and we’re living in Thailand, which is a place I want to be for the rest of my life.
Following on in Dad’s footsteps, it’s a whole circle about Thailand. It’s falling in love with the country, going to respect Dad. Understanding that you could do things that you never thought possible, living the best life, finding out that people are very superstitious and will destroy their own lives for something that you can’t understand or will never understand. Finding someone that you are happy with and want to be with and will continue to be with.
If I have to be honest, and I’m not saying anything about my wife now, who is my proper full-on wife, I’m not saying anything negative to her. But that first girl that I married only in the village, she was special. She was really special. I really, really cared about her. I don’t not care about my wife now, of course not. But it’s not got the same sense of excitement.
We’re happy. We live a decent life. Again, in only a small place, but it’s all we need. We go away occasionally. Life is everything it is.
My kids, who I talked about, have been to Thailand once. I told them that they don’t want to see what happened to my dad. My son, though, I was expecting him to come and want to move to Thailand, but he hated it. Absolutely hated it, and I couldn’t work it out.
He was single when he came, and he just looked at the bars and looked at the places that I looked at with the sense of wonder, as if it would be the place I want to go, but he looked at it the exact opposite. I don’t know what that actually means, but I suppose Thailand is like Marmite. It’s like Marmite. You either love it or you hate it.
The thing is I loved it and I’m happy and I will be happy. It was a fun ride. Even though things happened, even though I lost money along the way, it’s a fun ride and I’m still living that fun ride.
