The Thai Ladyboy From Nana Plaza
My first trip to Thailand was exactly one year before the tsunami that killed so many and caused so much destruction. I was working in Taiwan at the time, and flying to points in Southeast Asia was very convenient from there. At the end of my 2 or 3 week shift there, I would take a few vacation days and travel before heading back to California.
I love scuba diving, but in Southern California the water is quite cold. I had already taken a week in the Philippines diving off boats. It was awesome. I was ready to choose another destination, and Thailand was calling. Visiting Thailand was at the top of my bucket list. So, I flew to Phuket and set up on Karon Beach.
Meeting Lot on Karon Beach
After I dropped off my bags and cleaned up, I stepped out to the bar across the street. It was a nice place, kind of covered patio. I ordered my beer, and shortly thereafter a lovely young woman sat down next to me and offered to play Connect 4 with me. Her name was Lot, and of course from Isaan.
Back then we had the most primitive of cell phones with pretty poor cameras that were actually an add on to the main body of the device. There was no Google Translate, no social media, no YouTube, nothing. Just blogs. We had to rough it with her very poor English and my non existent Thai. People today don’t know how good they have it with powerful computers at their fingertips.
Having studied the blogs of the day, I kind of knew what to do. After several drinks, we negotiated a long time price 1,000 baht. I paid the bar fine, 300 baht, and we were off. It was a fun night, the first time in my life that I had ever done anything like this. My mind was truly blown. It was the fantasy coming true. I couldn’t believe I had this beautiful woman with me, and I was having the time of my life.
The Diving Trip and a Return to Phuket
My diving trip was 2 days with an overnight stay on Phi Phi Island. The group was fun and the diving amazing. Upon my return to Phuket, I rested up, explored the area, then found myself back at the same bar. When I got there, I noticed Lot sitting on the lap of a rather rounded German man. So, I just took my seat with my back to them and figured someone else would come sit with me.
I was surprised when just a few minutes later, Lot came up behind me with a big hug saying, “You buy me drink.” I have no idea what happened to the other guy. He was gone. We had a drink, and I had an idea. I asked if I could pay her bar fine right away and we could catch a tuk tuk to Patong. She stood up, grabbed her purse, and we were on our way.
Dancing, Drinking, and Lasting Memories
We had a fast ride up the hill. I thought I was going to die and made it to Party Central. We had a drink and talked. She said her family thought she was just selling t shirts in Phuket, but dating Westerners made a lot more money. She then playfully smacked my face and said, “More fun, too.” Her family didn’t ask a lot of questions as long as she sent money home.
Now, I was quite the salsa dancer back then, and I heard some familiar music coming from one of the clubs. We made it over, and I bought a couple of drinks. I gave Lot a salsa dancing lesson. She commented that this is stronger than the lady drinks, which made me think she didn’t get out much. We danced, laughed, and drank for quite a while. It was so much fun.
When we left, she had gotten quite drunk, and her beat up shoes kept falling off her feet. We made our way over to a market, and I offered several times to buy her new shoes, but she absolutely refused. She insisted on a pirate DVD of Lord of the Rings. Whatever makes her happy. With her gift in hand, she said to me, “I like Americans. They are nice. Let’s go to the hotel.”
The next morning, we slept in late. She had to go back to her room to change clothing but agreed to meet me at the beach later. This is where I took this photo of her 21 years ago exactly one year before the 2004 tsunami. I packed up shortly after, and we said our goodbyes. I hope she wasn’t hurt in the disaster that came the next year. She was a cutie, and we had three days of fun together. I often wonder what became of the woman we met so long ago and created memories with.
A Funny Night at Climax
A close friend and I often hung out in Bangkok in those days downtown on Sukhumvit Road. One of our favorite hangouts back then was Climax, located in the parking garage basement of a hotel on Soi 11. It was a club with decent bottle prices and full of girls. The place peaked late at night as Nana and other places would close down at around 2:30 to 3:00 a.m. in those days, and some of the girls from those venues would come by after work. They sometimes had Thai singers and bands, and the girls loved that. It was a fun place where pay for play was the main game.
My friends and I were always laughing about many of the girls’ behaviors. For example, if you went off with a girl and later saw her again in Climax but weren’t keen on repeating and had your eyes on another girl, the original girl would get very upset and show almost jealous like behavior, even picking a verbal fight with the other girl. But it’s not really jealousy it’s anger that you’re not going with them again. ‘Very bad man’ meaning very bad you don’t spend money on me. It just shows how tough the pay for play game can be for them sometimes.
Meeting Noi and Her Sale Joke
On one of these nights, I had a great time with a girl called Noi. Dancing, drinking, talking, and laughing all evening. It looked like a good choice to enjoy the night. We used to stay nearby. So, in the wee hours, we ended up in the hotel for some fun aerobics and a good sleep.
The next morning when she left, she asked, “Honey, will you meet me again tonight?” Although she was a fun girl, I didn’t want to commit and decided to play it by ear. So I said, “I don’t know. I spent a lot of money last night, so I’m not sure.”
Her reply was priceless. She said, “Oh, don’t worry, honey. Tomorrow I am on sale.” I laughed and thought she was really super funny. She was a sweet girl, and I hooked up with her again on other nights until I lost track of her. They often lose their phone, get a new number, or for whatever reason, disappear off the scene. I sometimes remember Noi and wonder what happened to her and hope she’s okay, as she was a sweet and fun girl with a great sense of humor.
People talk about bar girls sometimes in a very derogatory way. They have to do what they got to do, right? But a lot of them are really funny. When you get to know some of the bar girls, they have got a great sense of humor, and they joke the same as we do. I’ve been in stitches before listening to them.
The Ladyboy from Nana Plaza
All right, so I’ve never been to Thailand before. 53, divorced, living in Swindon in the UK, and slowly going mad from watching too many YouTube videos about retired guys drinking cheap beer and finding love in the land of smiles. One night, after a few pints, I thought, “Whatever.” Booked a flight to Bangkok and figured I’d go and find myself a bit of sunshine and maybe a girlfriend with a lovely smile and no opinion on my beer belly.
Two days later, I was sweating my nuts off outside my budget hotel just off Soi 11, thinking this was the worst idea I’d had since buying a second hand caravan during lockdown.
The First Night in Nana Plaza
I’d heard about this place called Nana Plaza. The YouTube lot couldn’t shut up about it, saying it’s full of beautiful women who will call you handsome man even if you look like a sack of potatoes in cargo shorts. So off I went like a lamb to the slaughter. Walked through the glowing archway and straight into a blur of neon lights, thumping music, and women yelling, “Hello, handsome man!” every two steps. I’d never felt so popular in my life.
I ducked into one of the go go bars called something like Rainbow Dreams or Dancing Dolls or some other name. I can’t remember because I was already on my second Chang Beer and beaming like a teenage boy on prom night. That’s when I met her. Or rather, I should say ‘her’ in quotation marks. Her name was Nok. Tall, stunning, great skin, legs to die for, and she was wearing a black dress so tight it looked painted on.
She slid onto the stool next to me, and before I could say a word, she touched my arm and whispered, “You very cute. I like your smile.” Which is funny because I’ve got a chipped tooth. But I wasn’t about to correct her.
The Revelation at the Hotel
I bought her a lady drink, which disappeared faster than my common sense. And next thing I knew, I was paying her bar fine and we were on a motorcycle heading to my hotel room while I tried to remember if I’d tidied the underwear off the floor. We got back to my room, and she started kissing me like we were in a movie. I was starting to feel like James Bond on a budget.
Then she pulled away slightly and said, “Wait, I have to tell you something.” Which is never what you want to hear from a girl you’ve just paid to spend the night with. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I ladyboy. You okay? I can do everything. You very happy.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or climb out of the window. I just sat there holding a bottle of water in my boxers, trying to remember if this was one of those travel scams they warn you about on TripAdvisor. But then I said the only thing I could think of, which was, “Well, that explains the Adam’s apple.”
And she absolutely lost it laughing. And so did I. Because honestly, what else could I do? It was either laughter or have a mental breakdown.
The Aftermath and a Thai SIM Card
In the end, we didn’t do any aerobics. We just sat chatting and drinking, and she helped me set up a Thai SIM card because apparently she knew more about mobile phones than I did. And she even showed me which apps to download. Next morning, we went to 7 Eleven for a ham and cheese toastie, and she gave me a hug like we were old friends, then disappeared off into the Bangkok chaos with a little wave.
So yeah, my first proper night out in Thailand, and I accidentally took home a ladyboy. And honestly, it was the most educational and entertaining night I’ve had in years. I didn’t get a girlfriend, but I got a working SIM card, a funny story, and a free reminder to always check under the bonnet before you take a girl for a test drive. Welcome to Thailand, eh?
