The Spell of the Bar Girl and First Timers Tale

My first trip to Thailand was in 2016 when I was 35 years of age. I’m from Bury St Edmunds in England and left school at 16. Like many my age, I got married far too early. It was okay at first, but after the birth of my first child, my wife morphed into your typical household tyrant like your typical school bully.

By the time the second kid came along, she had already turned into a fully fledged howling monster. She was always nagging for a bigger house with a bigger garden, a bigger car, and wanted me to work my backside off around the clock doing all the overtime I could get. I went along with it at first, but it started to take its toll on my physical and mental health.

I had no choice but to divorce and move out and find a less stressful job. I lived for weekends when my lovely kids came to visit. I’m not a big drinker, and nothing bored me more than being with the boys down the pub talking about football and the single mums they had dated.

One day, my best friend from school days asked me if I wanted to join him for a trip to Thailand. To be honest, I’m not a great traveler, but he soon persuaded me with tales. He had been there before and told me about the beautiful Thai bar women and freelancers who would go with anybody provided they didn’t smell.

I had done a couple of flings with “factory reject” women desperately looking for a stepdad for their horribly behaved children or a baby before it was too late but I had no intention of bringing up somebody else’s damaged goods.

We found a very reasonable package deal online for two nights in Bangkok, then 8 days in Phuket. I couldn’t wait to go.

First Night Mistakes in Bangkok

Getting off the plane late in the afternoon and being hit by that waft of sweet smelling hot air was a great introduction to our adventures. You knew you were in a new land far from home.

Despite all the warnings we had been given, we got an overpriced taxi to our hotel. Our second newbie mistake was hitting Patpong and allowing ourselves to get talked into a ping pong ball show in one of those upstairs bars. It was far too seedy and pushy for us, and when we split after only 20 minutes, our beers came to 900 baht each. It was pay or fight our way out, and we were too jet lagged to put up any resistance.

We then jumped into a taxi to Soi Cowboy, which was fun. Every bar we went into, girls came and sat with us, but we never took anyone. After sleeping most of the following day, we hit Nana Plaza early, around 8:00 p.m. The energy and fertility of the place was just amazing. I had never been anywhere like it before.

We went into a downstairs bar at the back just to make sure that everything I had heard was true. We asked a waitress if we could take these girls out, and she said, “Of course, it’s a go go bar.” It was only then that we noticed the girls were far taller than the ones we had seen at Soi Cowboy, and it suddenly dawned on us that these were not real girls at all. We left hurriedly, a bit embarrassed.

We found a lively bar on the upstairs floor with real ladies. It was here that it happened.

The Connection with a Bangkok Bar Girl

I was glancing at a girl on stage when she pointed to herself as they do. When she finished her set, she came to sit with me and asked for a lady drink. To be honest, she was not the most attractive dancer in the world, but she spoke good English and had a certain something about her. She noticed my friend was on his own, so she called her friend over who quite frankly was the least attractive girl in the house. But my friend, being the faithful wingman he was, went along with it after initially recoiling in disgust.

Time passed fast, and we ended up paying the bar fine. The bar fine was 1,500 baht, which sounded a bit steep, but at the time we just didn’t care. My wingman seemed to have changed his mind about his one because he had his arm around her and they were kissing in the elevator up to the room. We parted ways, and what followed was the session of my life if you know what I mean. Instead of just going to sleep afterwards, we stayed another couple of hours just talking about ourselves, which was a mistake because it created a connection which wasn’t there before.

I woke up before her in the morning, and as I gazed at her long black hair lying so peacefully like an angel on the pillow, I couldn’t help thinking how kind fate had been to me in bringing her into my life. She was really upset when I said we were off to Phuket, so couldn’t go to her bar tonight. She stopped short of sobbing, but her emotions seemed genuine as far as I could tell. I struggled to hold back a tear myself. I had never felt this way about anyone before. She had put a spell on me, and I was smitten.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her on the flight to Phuket, and if I hadn’t been with a friend, I’d have returned to Bangkok during our Phuket stay.

Phuket was great fun but a different scene, centering on hundreds of beer bars and freelancers in nightclubs. The few go go bars I found were low energy, boring joints with unattractive ladies mainly well past their sell by date.

The following year, I returned to Bangkok alone. The first thing I did was go to my girl’s bar, but she was nowhere to be seen. Nobody had even heard of her until a mamasan was found who informed me that she had gone back to her village in Isan. I don’t know if I was disappointed or relieved, but kind of pleased she had quit the sordid nightlife.

A Healthy Attitude Toward Bar Girls

I have been back to Thailand every year since then, except during the pandemic, when I actually managed to get to Tunisia for a beach holiday. It was amazing to discover how easy it was to meet young local Arab girls in shopping malls and fast food restaurants more than happy to go to my hotel. You need to speak a bit of French, though. The only real difference from Thailand was that they did not work in bars and were far less crazy. Most said they were students.

I am now a confirmed bargirl addict but never go with the same girl more than once. There are just too many other beauties to try. There is no doubt that bar girls enhance a man’s ego and quality of life, even if only for a short time. You go home to your own country a foot taller with a warm glow.

I see bar girls as neither good nor bad and try not to generalize. There is no such thing as a “special girl” if she was really special, she would be so popular that she would not have time to hang with a guy like me.

Once you can distance yourself from your own emotions and testosterone, you can see bar girls as neither good nor bad, but a product of their culture and environment. It should be their brother’s job to care for the family, but some men up north are so goddamn lazy that the burden falls on their sisters, who are left with not many options given the low status and lack of education.

As soon as they hit the bars in the big tourist areas, they are soon corrupted by the other girls. They see nothing wrong in stringing along multiple farangs and getting them to support them financially with false promises. They will not remain young and desirable for long, so have to do the best they can while the going is good. It’s just life in poor countries.

I have no doubt the same is true in poor countries all over the world. The only difference being that those countries do not have the same tourist infrastructure that Thailand has. No guy in his right mind will want to spend his precious vacation time in Uganda or Venezuela when they can enjoy a safe and rewarding time in Thailand.

Story 2 A Success Story from the Philippines

I’m engaged to a Filipino named Daisy, who is 2 inches shorter than me. She’s working in Singapore as a care worker. I’m 48 now and she is 43. This is my first time being engaged but my second time meeting a woman from the Philippines. One of the Filipinos I work with knew I was interested in Asian women. He gave me Daisy‘s Messenger details, which he got from his partner. His partner and Daisy had worked together in Singapore before his partner moved to New Zealand.

Daisy and I started talking in April of last year when I was 46 and she was 41. We also did video calls always do a video call before meeting someone in person so you can see who you’ll be meeting. I see it as a safety precaution. We got along well.

After the Christmas holidays last year, I surprised her by telling her I was coming to meet her. Daisy told me she had her annual leave coming up in April, and she was so happy that we were finally going to meet after a year of talking. So I booked a flight and flew to the Philippines.

She met me at Manila Airport and took me to the hotel, where we spent the last 2 weeks of April together. At that time I was 47 and she was 42. I met her grown up son, and I also met her younger brother’s wife and their three kids while her brother was at work. One day, Daisy showed me around her area, and we had a great time together. We got engaged while I was there. Food over there is cheap and tastes great. I went over with 11 kg of luggage and came back with 24 kg just like the first time I went 7 years ago. I was there during the summer with temperatures over 40°, and then returned to New Zealand in early May just as winter was starting to come on. Two weeks later, I caught a cold.

After our time together, I went home and Daisy returned to work in Singapore. When I got back home, I asked her if she wanted to come to New Zealand to live, and she said a big yes. So I started the paperwork for her visitor visa in May, and it was approved at the start of July. She’s excited to be coming to New Zealand, and her flight from Singapore lands at the end of September at Christchurch International Airport, where I will meet her. Christchurch is the largest city in the South Island and the second largest in New Zealand after Auckland, which is the biggest city in the North Island.

We’re both a year older now. It costs a lot of money to move her through the different types of visas so she can stay with me permanently. When Daisy comes here, she knows things will be difficult from what she’s used to. One thing I forgot to mention earlier is that over time she started to understand my English better. We’re really happy with each other, though we both wish we had found each other 20 years ago. I went to the Philippines mainly because English is widely spoken there but there are Asian women who speak good English. You just must find them.