Thai Gambling Debt Custody Fight and Lost Thailand Magic

It started in 2016. I had just lost my mother back in the UK. It was a sudden death from nowhere and she was only in her mid 50s. My mother lived abroad but was back in the UK visiting us. Me and my sister lived next door to each other and my mother was staying at my sister’s house. Her husband came knocking on my door early one morning saying ‘She’s gone.’ I sprinted to my sister’s to find my mother on the floor with paramedics performing CPR on her. They had found a pulse but she remained in a coma for two weeks and later died in hospital.

This really messed me up as we were very close and our mother was our rock bringing us up on our own sacrificing everything along the way for us kids.

A few months later I wanted to get away from everything and I decided to go to Thailand for a month with friends to just get away from it all. I was still depressed from what we’d all been through and wanted to clear my mind or maybe give myself something else to think about. I knew Thailand had plenty of distractions. I had been to Thailand a couple of times before and I loved the country. The two previous times I had visited I had gone with ex girlfriends and kind of wished I’d been single because of all the beautiful Thai ladies.

I was now single and took advantage of what Thailand had to offer in regards to the nightlife first in Bangkok then Phuket then over to Krabi. In Ao Nang I met a girl called Tuk. She was a very shy sweet petite girl from Isaan. I know everyone will think it’s the usual story but she had only been there for a week and was working in a small beer bar. I know the story is true about her only being there a week because we’ve been together a long time now and I know the full backstory as to why she was there and why she had to go.

Anyway her English was basically non existent. We mainly communicated with Google Translate. We got on really well and spent every day together for the remainder of my stay. I gave her a few thousand Baht when I left as a parting gift what I had left in my wallet and we said our goodbyes.

When I returned to the UK I booked another trip to return a month later and she stopped working in the bar and returned to her home village. I sent her 200 pounds a month (approximately 8000 Baht) while I was away to help her out. Anyway she went back to the village and stayed with her family. This was the first time I got to see how rural Thais live as we would FaceTime every day a couple of times a day.

Gambling Debts in Isaan

Her family are rice farmers as is normal in Isaan. They had a bit of money and are actually quite land wealthy owning 30 Rai of land. They had sent their daughter to university in the local city but she didn’t take advantage of the opportunities and sacrifices her family had made for her and ended up in a beer bar like so many Isaan girls before her. She had gambled through university and built up debt that her parents had paid off for her. They had sold off some land to pay for the debts but then she did it again and they cut her off. That’s when she was forced to go and work the debt off herself. I came along just after she arrived and this apparently sweet shy girl who I wanted to save from a life of working in beer bars saw me as another opportunity.

I came back a month after leaving as planned. We met in Khon Kaen. We got straight on a flight to Phuket because we had planned to travel around for a month and that’s how long I intended to stay for. I ended up extending this trip to three months as we got on so well and just didn’t want to return to the UK. She was obviously fine to have someone paying for everything and having a long holiday making her friends jealous with Facebook and Instagram posts about our adventure. I was giving her a little bit of money to send to her family. The small salary she was earning was going to pay her gambling debts and not really going towards her family at all I later discovered.

Three months in and I had to return to the UK. My family was opening another business and I had to be there to get it going. She returned to the village and I sent her 15000 Baht a month to give her a bit of pocket money. I stayed in the UK for two months and then decided to return to Thailand when my work was done opening up the new business.

When I returned I was happy going back into the traveling mold that we had experienced before. We literally did most of Thailand all the touristy areas like Phuket Koh Samui Krabi Koh Lanta and Chiang Mai as well as all the non touristy bits in between and a fair bit of Isaan. I saw so much of Thailand and grew to love the country even more. I met a lot of her friends from uni along our travels and they were all respectful reasonably well educated people with good jobs. It made her look better than she really was. But what was in my mind is she needed rescuing and I was going to rescue her from this life of going to work in beer bars and entertaining men every night.

For the next two and a half years we continued this scenario where I would be coming to Thailand and staying for three to four months and then returning to the UK for a month or two in between. This happened until early 2019 when she became pregnant. We had never used protection and although it wasn’t planned that we would try and get her pregnant obviously I wasn’t naive and I knew it was likely to happen eventually. She was great with kids and I really thought it was fine and would all work out if it happened famous last words.

We decided to move and settle in Chiang Mai as in my opinion this was the best place to raise a family it was calm had good private hospitals and good international schools. Late 2019 came and we had our baby. I’d stayed in Thailand through most of the pregnancy taking care of her and doing all the prenatal care etc. My sister came to support us for the birth as our mother wasn’t around. It was a happy occasion and everything went smoothly. I flew her family over to come and meet our daughter her mother her aunt a gay cousin to help the old ladies on what was their first flight aged mid 60s.

The Downward Spiral

A month after our daughter was born and after all the family members had left she started going a bit crazy bad mood swings throwing stuff around the house and screaming like I hadn’t heard before. I knew this was probably down to being so tired as a new mother and likely suffering from postnatal depression. I tried to help as much as I could I was up in the night to do night feeds doing all the cleaning in the house constant clothes washing and cooking all the meals. I was in charge of all bottle cleaning and also milk preparation because in all honesty some Thais from villages are not as sanitary as we are in the West and I wanted to ensure our baby didn’t get sick. She couldn’t breastfeed because she couldn’t make enough milk.

A couple of months after our baby arrived I moved us to a house instead of a condo as I wanted more room. Then of course a month later the pandemic hit just before everything in Thailand closed. I offered to pay for one of her friends to come and stay with us so she could help out with the baby. Her friend was going to be without work because of the pandemic so she wanted to earn some money and Tuk was happy to have a friend with her. Of course this was also going to give me a little break and I was happy with that. Tuk’s mood swings continued and her friend was also concerned she had some PND. After staying with us for a while we were going to the hospital monthly for vaccines and checkups so her friend recommended mentioning to the doctor about the mood swings.

Tuk did not want to say anything to the doctor probably because of the Thai way of thinking and losing face so we didn’t mention it.

Her friend eventually left when her old job started again so we were on our own to get on with it. The first Thai lockdown came and went pretty quick but there was no way of flying back to the UK for my normal pit stop not that I really wanted to as Thailand was fully open and the UK and the rest of the world was in a strict constant lockdown. So over the next few months we remained in Thailand going on the odd trip to her family little holidays to a deserted Phuket. Her mood swings slowly became worse and worse.

So I employed the gay cousin to come and stay with us in our house in Chiang Mai. He was a really nice guy and great with the baby and loved playing with our daughter. In all honesty he was a godsend helped with cleaning and also made some meals. I have to say until now he was the best support I’ve ever had. He stayed with us for around six months and until our planned trip to the UK in late 2020. Our baby still hadn’t met lots of my family because of COVID and I wanted to introduce her and talk to my friends and family.

We went to stay in my home next to my sister’s house which was now empty of tenants and planned to stay there for six months. England went into another lockdown great. So we were stuck between mine and my sister’s which wasn’t too bad a scenario as at least we were not all alone and cooped up. My sister had two small kids so my daughter happily played with her cousins throughout. After lockdown finished I helped in the family business and opened up a new bar. Tuk stayed at home and during that time unbeknownst to me began gambling again on Thai and Chinese websites secretly losing untold amounts of money.

Gambling Returns in the UK

When the six months was up Tuk returned alone and I was still needed for another couple of months helping to get the new business going. The UK was in COVID recovery and our business needed a bit more attention than normal. Tuk continued to gamble and was always asking for more money. I was already sending 100000 Baht a month. I was telling her it was impossible she needed more but sent more anyway as I didn’t want my daughter to go without anything. I had now been away from my daughter for three months and I was really struggling to cope with not seeing her and feared she would begin to forget me even though I was FaceTiming her daily.

I told Tuk I was ready to come back to Thailand and she had a confession. She told me she had been gambling and had given my car to loan sharks. Obviously I was furious. I had been sending her 120000 to 140000 Baht a month I knew it was a crazy amount. On top of that she had also given away my car for her gambling. I sent her money to get the car back and pay the debt which she did. I booked a flight for a week later and returned to Thailand. On my return journey late 2021 she confessed to me at the airport the car was not there. She had given it to a family member for a loan again. I went crazy and didn’t need to hear that just as I was flying out.

I got to Thailand ready to take control of the finances and situation as she couldn’t. I paid the new debt and got my car back and took over all finances. I limited the money she could have as I knew she would just gamble it away. Things totally changed and of course now she didn’t have the support she once had. She got moodier than ever. I expected this but also asked her to see someone about her gambling problem. They don’t really have the support mechanisms like we do in the UK so it wasn’t easy but either way she wasn’t willing to talk to anyone.

Moving to the UK

Over the next few months she started getting aggressive and violent. I had to endure all of it for my daughter I didn’t want to leave my daughter with an erratic angry person and separate. I also wanted my daughter to have a mother and a father and try to work all of this out so she could live a normal life. We stayed together and would have times of peace and times of turbulence. Over the months I learned Tuk had racked up debts again and just like her parents had done before I refused to pay them. I said ‘If she wants a chance to pay them off we can move to the UK where she could work earn good money in a respectful job not bar work as had been her previous solution if only for a week and only with me.’

We applied for visas and waited the next few months in Thailand until they arrived. Getting my daughter to the UK seemed like the best move to me. If the mother went crazy and tried to take her away I knew I would be in a better position with some rights in comparison to Thailand. We arrived in the UK in March 2022 and Tuk did get straight to working. With all due respect to her the bad mood swings and occasional violence continued initially. But after a while at least the violence stopped after I explained to her that this is not Thailand and police will take you away if this continues.

We are now still living together in the UK. I try to stay calm while also trying to calm her down for the sake of our daughter. During her crazy mood swings she is always threatening to go to Thailand and take her daughter. But in reality she knows she cannot because I have documented all the violence and screaming episodes and would immediately take her to court for custody if she tried to take our daughter. I have my daughter’s passport and birth certificate in my safe and she cannot secretly get her a new one without my consent.

I’m living in a difficult situation with someone I don’t really want to be with but I do it for my daughter. When she is a bit older either her mother will have moved on and leave us to it I would guess or if she meets another naive farang she can go off with him. Until then we are single but living together both taking care of our daughter well no 90% me and 10% her. She was good with our daughter initially but over the years she has done less and less.

It’s a very long story even though it doesn’t span a huge amount of time. It might be too long for you to read out. Anyway it’s been good for me to write it all down and tell the story even if it’s just to you. I haven’t told it to anyone even though people around me know the majority of what I’ve dealt with. It’s been therapeutic to write it down.

Story Two Has Thailand Lost Its Magic A Veterans Perspective

I just came back from two weeks in Phuket and Koh Samui after a business trip to Singapore and want to share my insights. For the record I have been to Thailand four times twice with my family to Bangkok and Pattaya in 1996 with my wife (but no kids at the time) and once with our daughter to Bangkok in 2004. I visited entertainment areas every time I was there with various mongering adventures taking place. I don’t drink so go go bars and buying lady drinks has never been my thing. Soapy massage shops and freelancers worked for me before so I decided to stick to that and check out massage shops again.

I must also say that I had gone without aerobics for over a decade as my partner had closed that department years ago telling me I was free to do whatever I wanted as long as I didn’t catch anything or fall in love and leave the family. I had definitely been rusty yet willing to put the equipment back to use again this time. I will be 55 this year. I do yoga weight training two to three times a week I don’t drink or smoke and keep to a strict healthy meal plan. I am told that I look between 38 and 45 years old. I never had issues getting attention from the ladies and I’ve been very selective in my choice for female company. I’ve never expected a beauty queen and I value a good attitude over looks.

In my opinion when it comes to female entertainment Thailand is not even a shadow of what I saw and experienced back in 1996 and 2004 and even as late as 2007. The great prices the smiley stunners and the sheer variety of female company are all a thing of the past. Did I or my taste in women change? I don’t think it has. Have all the stunners all gone abroad? Is it that the hot girls are now using dating apps as opposed to being out there in the streets bars and massage parlors? Now however saying that the bars were pretty busy the crowds are back.

I reached my hotel at Patong Beach which was three to four blocks away from Bangla Road at about 7 PM on a Saturday evening. I went out and about looking to get a bite to eat and to get a feeling for the place. Boy was I disappointed. Too early in the evening I know but it was noticeable that the average age of bar girls seemed to be around 35 to 40 with a few grandmas added into the mix. Most were glued to their phones most of the time. A few freelancers obvious ladyboys here and there but no younger female freelancers in the clubs or walking around. I would say that maybe just one out of 20 girls was hot but already taken up with some guy.

I went back to my hotel to catch a few winks and venture out again later in the evening hoping this situation would improve. I went out again around midnight but more of the same. Older girls covered in tattoos and ladyboys in the bars. Maybe a handful of stunners walking along with their men. A few scary looking freelancers ordering bottles of vodka and whiskeys in the club with a seven to one male to female ratio. I had visited a Christian massage in 2004 for a session and remember having a hard time choosing a girl. I paid around 1500 Baht or so for 90 minutes at the time if I remember correctly.

I took a peek twice to check out the merchandise the week I was in Patong but again more oldies were very evident. Nose cheek and lip jobs braces on their teeth covered in tattoos very skunky looking and charging 2500 to 3000 Baht for a one hour session of aerobics. I also walked along the streets lined with regular and special massage places and more of the same. I was extremely disappointed and felt that I had wasted my money and I still had 13 days or so to kill. Sunday and the rest of the week was the same story.

Finding a Few Gems

I had read about some body to body massage places with fish bowls in Phuket Old Town 25 kilometers away 400 Baht taxi ride each way and a tad away from the city center so I decided to visit and check out the quality of the offerings. I was pleasantly surprised but again I got the feeling that what I saw in years past was the past and that Thailand had seen way better days. I ended up visiting three times and hiring services from carefully curated massage specialists at those body to body massage places on the outskirts of Old Phuket Town. Most of the places were being remodeled and not open yet. One place had only two girls another six and the most promising one ten staff only two caught my eye. Prices ranged from 1500 to 2500 Baht.

Back in Patong Beach I also walked along the massage parlors and got Line IDs from two girls but only engaged one as the other one turned out to be a ‘he.’ I strolled along Bangla Road every night of the week that I was there and only came across one stunner the only one that had not been taken. She was at a beer bar. I asked her for her Line ID but she said I’d have to buy her two drinks to get it which was a total of 350 Baht. I reluctantly agreed and chatted for a few minutes. She was 23 years old and from Isaan. She told me she had spent one month in Singapore recently. She also said it would be 1000 Baht bar fine and 4000 Baht for her but only for a short time aerobic session.

She came across as if it was all routine and she was unfriendly and only willing to do things on her terms. I spent less than 10 minutes with her and left. As I said personally personality is important to me overlooking otherwise although you may have guessed I do like good looking girls. She was there every night and I only saw her drinking with two other guys. Given her looks one would assume she was busy and I guess the prices and her attitude were a turn off for most guys.

I asked myself what would have been ideal and concluded that a nice looking friendly girl to spend one or two days with would have been nice. But I came across a mixed bag not really worth the time money or effort. One girl asked me if I wanted her to show me around for the day but again she wasn’t worth it really. So I declined her offer. For the first time and mostly just for something to do I spent two or three hours in go go bars over a couple of nights same deal. Not much of a choice with the mamasan going around the bar with information cards in hand promoting the girls 1000 Baht bar fine 2500 for a one hour aerobic workout and 5000 Baht if you were feeling athletic and wanted to have a real workout for most of the night.

Out of around 15 dancers I only saw two being taken out of the bar the whole time I was there.

Crazy prices have the bar owners lost the plot? Most were fives or sixes with only one hot one who stood out. She looked way out of place compared to the others. I have no idea what was going on there. Maybe she had a regular job and just asked for some extra money at the weekend.

The Old Lady and the Hot One

I walked past a massage parlor close to the back of Koh Samui Central Mall at around 4 PM in the afternoon and I saw an old lady in traditional Thai clothes and a hot looking girl in a very short tight green dress both sitting outside the shop. Pretty odd pair I thought. I asked the young girl to see the massage menu and went for a real Thai body massage for 300 Baht. Both ladies escorted me into the shop turned on the air conditioner and closed the main door. The hot one went upstairs and the old one asked me to climb onto a bed on the ground floor. The old lady got ready and proceeded to start massaging my feet closing the curtains little by little and dimming the light a tad.

Some minutes as she worked her way up my legs I kept thinking the hot one would join us to take over at some point. I was really hoping Granny would pass the baton to the young one.

Eventually the older lady worked her way up my body and it was around 30 plus minutes into the massage when I started to think the younger lady would not be joining us. So I asked the older lady if her friend would be joining us. She said ‘No she only does aerobic sessions no massage.’ Then her eyes lit up and she asked me if I wanted that. I said yes. She got off the massage table faster than a five year old getting out of bed on Christmas morning. She yelled out something in Thai and rushed to get the other girl to let her know about my request. Granny asked me to pay her and said that it would be 2000 Baht for the ‘other massage’ from her friend. I had to use my phone’s flashlight to look into my wallet and I counted out 300 Baht for the massage.

She said ‘Give me 400 Baht please.’ So I did to be nice and to help her out. I also prepped the 2000 for the smiling hotty who was already waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.

Picture this me in my undies trying to get off a high massage table and finding it hard to walk as my feet were oily. Couldn’t see a thing. Somehow I negotiated my way to the end of the shop as it was dark. Up the stairway I went. I visited a second time later in the week and the young girl asked if I wanted a massage from Granny for starters. I politely refused but loved the customer service team work and collaboration between them.

Overall I’d say I had an okay time but kept wishing it was back in 2007 with better prices and the wider selection at hand. I must be getting old but I also felt a tad guilty about being there mongering and sorry for some of the girls. Seeing some cute girls working in the malls and shops I felt there are choices other than working at bars or massage shops. Who am I to judge though? I rationalize by thinking there is only one life to live and as long as I keep it safe it’s all fun which I believe I deserve given my situation. You may think I’m crazy but not having much to do I did hit the gym and took some tours. I also created my own satisfaction survey and rated the encounters assigning a rating to each aerobic specialist.

Thailand Moves On

Well I guess Thailand like the rest of the world moves on. I can only say that I am grateful I visited the Land of Smiles in its heyday.