First Trip to Thailand How I Fell for a Bar Girl and Lost Thousands

You’d probably refer to me as a two-week millionaire. The guy that works all year, saves as hard as he can, and flies to Thailand with a lot of money in his pocket and a lot of steam to get off his chest. I’d be happy if he referred to me as that, but that’s not how I saw myself when I decided to travel to Thailand.

I’d never been to Thailand before and this was going to be my first time solo traveling. Just shy of my 50th birthday. And most of the holidays I took in my younger days were with my mates. And then the holidays I went on later in life, well, they were with my now ex-wife and children.

Why Men Like Me Go to Thailand

Why is it always the guys who have had bad relationships in their home countries that go to places like Thailand? I’ve always thought it’s down to that traditional notion of what relationships actually are. I’m not going to lie and say I was going to Thailand for the temples, although I did visit a few of them because I was already there. I was going to Thailand because I’d heard that the girls there were more traditional in every aspect. I was hoping to experience this firsthand and I was wondering if I would have any success.

When I’m talking about more traditional, I’m not talking about submissive or subservient behavior. I’m just talking about a time when things were simple. The man went out to work. The lady stayed at home taking care of the house and children and had a meal ready for her husband when he got back. That’s what I saw when I was growing up with my family. normality in every sense of the word.

But my ex-wife—talk about how someone can change from being a fun-loving, exciting, and respectful human being into a demanding, aggressive, and even downright vengeful person was hard to witness. No matter how difficult she was and how demanding she became, I was still prepared to stay with her and stick it out. But guess who instigated the divorce proceedings? It was her.

Apparently, she wasn’t happy anymore. But I’d not been happy for years. I was just accepting it. What was she expecting could be better than what I was providing. She was 45 years old, a three at best, and slightly rotund. I’m in no position to talk in that department. I’m not very attractive, but it’s as though she had some unrealistic expectations to find a supposed prince charming who would sweep her away and shower her with untold wealth. I can say to this day, she’s older than before, single, even more bitter. But I’ll stop talking about her now.

Dating in Australia: A Minefield

After I got divorced, and as is customary, lost most of my things, I tried dating in my native Australia. But that was a minefield that I didn’t want to have to cross after I went on a few horrendous dates. I met up with one lady. She was about the same age as me, recently divorced. I wonder who brought that on. And her first question was, “What do you do?” No nice to meet you, no courtesies, just a general what do you do? as though she was in a position to put untold value on what she was bringing to the relationship, which was nothing more than three kids from a previous marriage and a bitter personality.

I quickly gave up on the idea of dating in Australia, and that’s when I got thinking about Thailand. A guy I knew from work had married a Thai lady and brought her back to Australia. And when you’re having conversations at work during the lunch break, he was never talking about how his wife wasn’t prepared to play the role of a wife. That’s what many of us with Aussie wives used to talk about. But he always just said his wife was great. She’d have meals ready for him when he got home from work. He wasn’t rich, but he provided a home for his wife, and in return, she provided him with loyalty, respect, and love. At least that’s what he told us, and we all believed him.

The Research Trap

I began my research which inevitably took me to YouTube. Lots of videos on YouTube about dating in Thailand, which girls to avoid and which girls you should try to date. The problem with YouTube, at least I found, was there were videos of people on both sides of the argument saying what’s right and what’s wrong. One channel would wax lyrical about how dreadful the girls that work in the bars are and how you needed to be avoided at all costs. while another channel would talk about how these girls were just looking for a foreign husband to take care of them and in return provide a real female partner experience. I didn’t know which ones to believe, but I took them both in and continued to plan for my first trip to the land of smiles.

What’s going to be fake smiles or was it going to be real smiles as some YouTube videos like to point out? They could be genuine or fake. I don’t know. I was going to find out.

I think I might have over-researched before I went to Thailand. In hindsight, I just wish I went with a clean slate so I could form and generate my own opinions when I got there. And anybody listening to this story, that’s what I would say to do. It’s great to know what you’re going to be getting yourself into, but it’s also great to go in blind. In hindsight, I wish I went in blind.

The Booking Mistake

When I finally got around to booking my trip, it was going to be for 2 weeks. Another big mistake I made was booking my hotels before I left instead of when I was there. I booked for three nights in Bangkok, three nights in Phuket, five nights in Pattaya, and the remainder of the time back in Bangkok. This was a huge mistake, and I would encourage everyone going to Thailand for the first time not to do this. Of course, have your hotel booked on the first, second, and maybe even third night. But there’s so much that can happen on your time in Thailand. You might find yourself wanting to change plans. You might find yourself at the drop of a hat wanting to go somewhere else. And if you’ve already booked your hotels, you’re not going to be able to do that. Or you are, but you might need to cancel the hotel and not get your money back.

Arriving in Bangkok: First Impressions

Flying to Bangkok was a bit tedious. I’ve never really liked flying, but touching down and thinking we’re finally here, that was a relief. As many people say, that hit of heat as you get off the airplane is powerful. It’s a different type of heat to what we get at home. But there was a slight breeze passing through the airport, and the staff were friendly, and I made my way to my hotel.

I had a good budget for my trip. I wanted to not have to skimp on anything so I could pretty much do anything I wanted when I was there. I arrived in Thailand in the mid-afternoon and Bangkok was just as crazy as I was expecting it to be. I’m the guy who watches walking videos, just watching people walking around different cities around the world. But being there in person is better. I can promise you that.

That’s when I discovered my first error. I was staying a long way from Sukhumvit. Did all this research and when I went to book the hotel, I just assumed that it would be in the area I wanted to stay. I’ll admit that’s a crazy assumption to make, but I found myself close to Khao San Road. I got out of the taxi and couldn’t see the Skytrain or the MRT station like I was expecting to see, but I did see a lot of younger foreigners who seem to flock to that part of Bangkok. It was quite disappointing. The hotel itself was fantastic, but I ended up getting a taxi to the place I wanted to be, and it nearly took an hour to get there. That’s where the mistake comes in of booking the hotel for three nights. I didn’t want to be there, and I made it to the place I really wanted to be.

It was a bit of a letdown initially. There were so many other people from all different countries there, and it wasn’t how people described it in the stories they like to tell of their first time in Thailand. That first time in Thailand, tales of how excited they were, how different it was, and how there were not many foreigners there. That was the first thing and my first impressions of Bangkok. The area I wanted to be that had everything I was interested in was full of people from countries that I wasn’t expecting to see in Thailand. I’m since told I’m about 30 years too late.

Finding Soi 22

That being said, I went to Soi 4 and it must have been around 6:00 p.m. I walked into the first bar as soon as you turned onto the street. It was heaving with people. I managed to find somewhere to sit, but I wanted to be able to sit looking out at the street, but it was just too busy, and all the girls in there were busy playing on their phones. I left after one drink. I went into another bar. Same feelings in that one. and in the rest of the bars I went to until I went into Nana Plaza. It was entertaining, I’ll give you that. But I didn’t see it as anything more than entertainment.

And around 11 p.m. I was sitting in a bar on Soi 8. And I was asking one of the ladies that worked there, where can I go for somewhere that’s a bit more peaceful, a bit less busy and hectic. She didn’t know what to say, but a guy who was in there as well as me told me he’d been living in Thailand for years. He told me that this part of Bangkok used to be full of bars and you could walk into one and it wouldn’t be full of people, maybe one or two at the most. He said I could go to Soi 22, which was a 10-minute walk away. They had some bars there that might be a bit more quiet, but if you want a big selection of bars, you’re best off in Pattaya.

I took him up on his advice and went to Soi 22, and indeed there were some bars on that street. Not many, but I managed to find one where I could actually have a seat. And this was the first time I was speaking to a bar girl. Months and months of online research, listening to stories of both sides of the bar girl argument, and it felt like I was speaking to a normal human being. I think I’d expected there to be some kind of aura emanating from the girls that worked there. They were meant to be different and have their own unique characters, but that’s not what I was seeing. I just saw a normal girl who, through the misfortune of birth, couldn’t think of anything better to do than to work in a bar. She was friendly. I bought her a drink. In fact, I bought a few drinks. We played pool. And although that was her work, she did seem to be genuinely interested in the things I had to say.

I wanted to gain more experience before doing anything else. So I went into another bar on the same street a bit further down. The same experience ensued here. No special aura coming from the bar girls, just normal girls. So, from what started as a pretty disappointing first day in Thailand, just how stupidly busy it was on Soi 4 and the surrounding streets, making my way to Soi 22 showed me a laid-back atmosphere that I preferred, that I wanted to have. Apart from the 1-hour taxi ride back to my hotel, it was a great night.

In the morning, I checked out. Never mind about the two lost days. I went back to where I should have booked the hotel in the first place. I just paid for one night, see where things took me, and if I wanted another night, I could pay for it the day after. I got a hotel right on Soi 22. That’s where I had the most fun the day before, and I wanted to have a similar experience on this night as well.

Phuket: Another Disappointment

I made my way to a mall that day to see what the Bangkok malls were like. Again, having watched too many videos, some people hated them, saying they ruined everything that made Bangkok great, but some people loved them. I was indifferent, couldn’t care less, but it was nice to get out of the heat. Even tried one of the restaurants inside there. I’m talking about the EmQuartier Mall, and it was a change.

That night, I went out again, but there weren’t as many bars on Soi 22, and I’m going into the same ones again. The girl that you spoke to the night before expects you to speak to her that night as well when you might want to speak to someone else, which is what I wanted to do. Speak to as many people as possible. Well, I enjoyed the night, but it wasn’t as good as the first night. I needed a new bar to go into, and I was trying to act as a people person, trying to read the bar girls to see if the stereotype many people put on them is true. They were either really good at what they do or they were real people. and I was starting to think that they were just real girls looking for a future.

I had a flight booked to Phuket for the following day when I woke up that morning. I decided to change it and fly that day. I felt like I’d seen Bangkok as much as you can see in two days. And while I liked it, it wasn’t crazy in the way people said it was crazy. It was crazy in many ways, but it wasn’t that wild apart from a few, very few predefined areas of the city. And of course, that’s where hordes of people flocked to. And it removes that sense of adventure that you’re somewhere special when there are millions of people around you doing the same thing.

When I arrived in Phuket, I knew I wanted to go to the Bangla Road. And luckily, the hotel I had booked this time was in the right area, purely by luck rather than management. But again, I just didn’t like Phuket. The beaches were beautiful, food was overpriced, taxis were disgustingly overpriced, and the entertainment area was only small. It was worse than Bangkok in terms of the number of people there. And the people who were there didn’t seem to be the same sorts. A lot louder, more pushy, more uncouth. Turns out that most of them were from Russia escaping. Another disappointing time in Phuket.

So, I changed my flight again to go back to Bangkok after only being there for one night. Where are all these bars? Where are all these girls that worked in them? Perhaps I had strange expectations. That’s what I thought Thailand was. Perhaps it was drummed into me by Western society that Thailand was this sordid place. And I quickly found out that it wasn’t.

Pattaya: Paradise Found

So, back in Bangkok, I remembered back to my first night and the guy talking about Pattaya. I was due to be there in a certain amount of days time. I kept changing my plans that I couldn’t remember when I’d even booked the hotel for and I just decided to go straight there. I made a big mistake by going on the bus. I should have gone by taxi. I was told for less than 2,000 baht. By the time you get the taxi to the bus station, pay for the bus, and pay for your transportation to get to your hotel, you’re not saving that much.

But when I arrived in Pattaya, this is what I was expecting Bangkok to be like. Had I just arrived in heaven? Was this the Garden of Eden? It sure looked like it from my perspective, and I was so happy that I changed my plans and persevered and didn’t waste too many days finding out what I thought was going to be my paradise.

I had no hotel booked, so I just picked one that looked good, walked in, and took it for one night. I could have taken it for longer, but just in case things didn’t go according to plan, I just paid for the one night. So, starting out in Phuket in the morning, Bangkok airport, then down to Pattaya, and perhaps now I could find what I was looking for, enough bars to cater for the amount of people that were there without having to walk into a crowded place. I should point out that I went during the peak of high season. I didn’t know.

Walking around Pattaya felt exactly like I was expecting Thailand to feel like. This is how Bangkok was meant to feel, but it didn’t. I’ve since learned that Bangkok used to feel like that, but that was a long time ago.

Meeting Her

I went into the first bar I saw. It wasn’t crowded and I ordered a drink and one of the girls there again asked if she could have one as well. Of course, she could. The stereotypes that people had put onto these girls were not ringing true to me. She was just a nice girl. She didn’t down her drink and want another one straight away. She sort of drank at the same speed as me. So when my drink was finished, so was hers. We played pool, chatted, and talked as you do.

I wondered how many bars I could go in that day, but I didn’t get further than the next one. Walked in, sat down on one of the stools, ordered a beer, and a girl walked up to me, who I hadn’t noticed when I walked in, with her hand out, wanting to shake my hand, saying, “Nice to meet you.” I obliged, shook her hand, and asked if she wanted a drink, to which she obviously replied, “Yes.”

This was the first time I had actual feelings for the girl I was speaking to. Like, wow, she’s a stunner. And my plan to go to as many bars as possible turned to stay with her. I knew what the game was, but I thought they were playing a different game. I thought her game was, “Well, I need to make some money, but I hope I can meet someone.” Understanding that game is where many people fall down. I still thought she respected herself. She was the first girl I wanted to take things further with, and she went with me to a restaurant and then back to my hotel. She felt very real, not forced, not mechanic, but real. And that was me sold. It had taken me 4 days of being in Thailand, speaking to approximately 10 to 15 girls to find one that I was crazy about.

When she told me she had to leave in the morning, I arranged with her to stay. It was agreed that she would, and I asked her to show me around to some sites. I hadn’t done any sightseeing yet. I’d been too busy trying to find a place in Thailand I actually liked. She took me to the Sanctuary of Truth. It was okay, but it wasn’t as good as the bars. We went to a few other places as well, a temple, but yeah, the bars were better.

The First Red Flag

That night, we went to a restaurant and that’s when I started to dig deeper into her as a person. I wanted to find out about her. She was 37. I had spoken to one girl who was 24, who was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, but I’m not that daft. At least I hope not. 37, two children, and had recently split up from her Thai husband, who left her with nothing. Her children were being looked after by her parents in a small village somewhere in northeastern Thailand. And she was here, she said, because she wanted to meet someone who wasn’t Thai, who would treat her better, and she had to put up with what she had to do because she thought that was the best way to go about it.

I thought about a video I watched about the tactics that these girls used to lure you in. So, she was either really good at lying or telling the truth. I chose to believe her and I explained that I’d been divorced not long ago and in Thailand to see if I could find someone here because the women where I came from were not as good as they used to be.

The next day, she wanted to go to the mall. She said she needed to buy a new phone case because hers had broken, her exact words. And I went with her. I had something to eat first and then walked to the area in the mall where they sold phone cases. Little individual shops in the middle of the floor area, not like the big shops. And she was browsing and looking around and she picked one out. She looked at her phone and it had a crack in the screen. And she said she wished she could buy a new phone and sighed, but she couldn’t afford it. That’s a shame, I said. And she turned and looked at me and said, “You buy for me.”

I was taken aback that she had just asked me to buy her a new phone and I bet she wanted an iPhone or something else fancy like that. What was I meant to say in that situation? I felt like we were just getting to know each other and taking things slow, but here she was asking for a brand new phone. I had a big budget for my holiday. I could afford it, but would it be worth my while to buy her that phone? While I was thinking about this, she just turned to me and said she was joking. She didn’t expect me to buy a new phone. But I think that’s only because she saw the look on my face when she asked.

I told her if I can find the right person, I’ll give them anything they want. But it would have to be months and months of being together, not a day. Then she turned and whispered something in my ear. I can’t repeat that here because I know it won’t be suitable for YouTube, but let’s just say if you buy me a phone, I will let you… You can fill in the blanks and use your imagination. I didn’t know whether to be excited by this or disgusted by it, but we went to the shop that sells iPhones and she walked out with a brand new one.

We ended up spending a bit of time in that mall. I bought myself a few new t-shirts and some new shoes. I just dropped some money on an iPhone, so I thought I’d buy something for myself as well. We went back to the hotel and a few hours later went out for a meal. I let her choose where to go and she just picked somewhere on the street selling great food and it was when I told her I wanted her to spend the rest of my holiday with me. It was agreed, everything was sorted, and I felt like I could really get to know her even better.

Jet Skis and Another Request

I fancied doing some jet skiing the following day, maybe go on a tour and I told her that’s what I wanted to do. She was happy to do that and we went on a tour and she was on the back of the jet ski. We just had a good time. She made me feel like we were a real couple or we could be a real couple if I wanted that. It was as though everything was in my court and I could be the one to decide what I wanted and she would go along with it as long as it was beneficial to her as well.

Had a great time that day. We got back to the hotel around 6:00 p.m. and she had a call on her phone. The call did come into her. I can remember her phone ringing, her new phone ringing and her answering it. and immediately a look came over her face like something was wrong. She said one of her children was not very well and she needed some money to pay for the medicine and the day in hospital. I thought that was dreadful, but we’d already agreed that because she was staying with me, I would help her out financially, but she looked at me like she was expecting more.

She asked for 5,000 baht. It didn’t sound like a lot, and I ended up giving it to her. I didn’t want to say, “Why don’t you use the money I already gave you to pay for that?” I didn’t want to ruin the mood. But as soon as I gave her the money, she turned back to her normal self. When I asked her later on how her child was, she said, “Oh, he’s fine now. No problem.” And changed the subject.

I didn’t know what I was doing. Yes, I was building a connection with this girl, someone who I could maybe one day even be my wife. That’s what I was thinking. I was thinking that far ahead. or is she here to get as much out of me as possible and the moment I stop is the moment she will leave? Now, I know of course you would have to leave if I wasn’t going to give her anything, but there is financial support in order to be able to maintain a respectable existence, but on top of that, there’s excess and greed. Different people’s opinions of excess and greed are different, and mine was anything over what we had already agreed on.

The Motorcycle Request

That evening, we went out again, but this time she said she wanted to go for a really nice meal. I said that was fine. I did have the budget to pay for pretty much anything, and I wanted her to have a good time as well. Before we went out, she said she wanted to drive me on her motorcycle because the restaurant wasn’t very close. I didn’t know what to think about that, but she did have helmets and she did have a license, and she left and came back 20 minutes later with her bike. It was a raggedy old thing. It had a kickstart and it looked like it had seen better days. But I jumped on the back and we drove 20 minutes to this restaurant. It was really nice. The food was fantastic and the staff ever so friendly. That’s one thing that I want to point out. All the staff that work at places in Thailand, at least the ones I experienced, were so incredibly friendly. It really does make your experience that bit better. As though they actually want to be there as opposed to what it’s like at home.

She was looking down in the dumps a bit that evening, even though we were eating a really nice meal with wine on the side, and she said she was sorry. The first thing she said, “I’m sorry.” And I said, “What are you sorry about?” I thought she was going to say she had to leave or something, but she said she was sorry because she couldn’t drive me on a nice motorcycle. That’s all she could afford. She said she’d been saving for a new motorcycle, but recently had to pay off a debt for her mom, so she couldn’t buy it.

Was she indirectly asking me to buy her a new motorcycle? That’s what it seemed like, but if she wasn’t going to ask, I wasn’t going to say anything. I told her it was no problem. I’ve got a car at home and it’s not very new, but it serves its purpose. She said she was embarrassed to show me her bike because I might feel differently about her. I told her we could have just come on a taxi and that would have been fine, but she said no. She wanted to give me something back. That’s when I asked how much would a new motorcycle cost and she said about 50 or 60,000 baht. She pulled up some pictures on her new phone of the bike she wanted. It wasn’t much more than the phone.

I didn’t mention anything for the rest of the evening, and she did lighten up a bit, but she kept looking a bit down, like she wasn’t happy with her bike. I thought the next morning I would surprise her and take her to a shop to buy a bike. I felt like we were getting to know each other, and I felt like she was starting to like me. And the next morning, when I told her, “Let’s go and buy you a new bike,” she lit up and beamed from ear to ear. We went to the Honda dealership and she bought a brand new Honda Click 125 with my money. I’ve never seen anybody happier. Or at least she told me she felt like she’d won the lottery meeting me. I was such a good man and she couldn’t wait to drive the bike. That started that day off well.

We went back to the hotel before just going out for the rest of the day for some drinks. I had now bought her a phone, a bike, and I didn’t even realize that the amount of money I spent could have kept me in Thailand for another month. I was just happy that she thought I was a good man. I was happy that she was so affectionate, and she seemed to be so loving and just what I was looking for in a partner.

That night went on. We were having a good time, and we just returned to the hotel at 10 p.m., not too late. The days of my holiday were going down. I knew I’d have to leave at some point, but I still had one week left or so, and I thought that week would be long enough to get to know this amazing girl even more. That day was completely uneventful. We just stayed by the pool all day.

The Cousin’s Loan

But the following day, she received another call. This time, her cousin wanted to borrow 10,000 baht from her. I’d just bought her a bike the day before, and now she was saying she wanted her cousin to borrow 10,000 baht. I was providing for her as she wasn’t able to work and I did say to her, “Why don’t you use that?” But she said she’d already sent it back home to her family. I was having a good time, so I just gave her the money, thinking again nothing of it. But looking back, this was starting to get crazy. Is this what the price of love was in Thailand?

The Illusion Shattered

Just after I gave her this money, we went out to a bar close by. And this is when the fantasy I was living in my mind became a reality. and something happened that made me feel like I was the most stupid person alive for doing what I did for this girl that I barely knew.

I need to be clear. I know where she worked and I know what she did. But I thought that came with certain standards, certain expectations on her part of what she was prepared to accept and the things she was prepared to do, but ultimately the things she was not prepared to do. I thought she was there. Okay, she needed to make some money, but she was there ultimately to hopefully find somebody. That was the illusion I had built up in my mind. I thought that was the case. I didn’t mind her doing what she did as long as it was for a purpose and an ultimate end goal.

Call me naive, and I suppose I am if I look back at it in that sense, but I saw a big difference between a bar girl in Thailand and someone doing something similar back at home. I thought there was a difference. I looked at these people completely differently. Like in Thailand, this is acceptable because it’s for a purpose. In Australia, it’s not acceptable because it’s just for the money and not a purpose. That’s what it felt like. And that was my take.

But anyway, we’re sitting in that bar. It can’t have been too far away from the one where she worked. But it was kind of on the street and people could walk past and look into the bar and see you. We were hardly even in the bar. We were more on the outskirts of it. And we were in plain sight of everyone. I remember being deep in conversation with her. Wasn’t drunk. I was perhaps on my third beer. We were thinking about where we wanted to go and eat.

Then all of a sudden, she turned her head. Someone had called her name. She looked incredibly shy and embarrassed at that moment because there were three guys calling at her from only an arm’s distance away, asking how she was, saying they had a great time with her, however long ago it was. These were three incredibly fat men, and I don’t know how you want to put it for YouTube, so please feel free to change this to make it appropriate. Let’s just say they were not of Western persuasion. Those sorts that you hear about buying one beer and sharing it between 12. When they saw she was uncomfortable, fair play to them. They left.

But this illusion that I had in my mind was shattered. Shattered into a million pieces of glass, and I felt disgusted. There was no way she would be with them, thinking that they could be a partner of hers. It was purely for the money. And that’s when it twigged. Had I just given her things to the value of nearly $5,000? had I placed so much value on her and just found out this in front of me.

I must admit, luckily, I saw the funny side of it later on, but I didn’t get there yet, and I was shocked and taken aback. I could see she didn’t want to be there. She was embarrassed, so I said, “Shall we leave and go somewhere else?” I pretended not to care, but of course, I cared. I didn’t think she was that type of bar girl. When we were walking away, I asked her what that was all about, and she just looked at me and told me what everyone listening to this is thinking now.

I politely asked her to remove her things from my hotel. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her anymore. It was just I didn’t understand who or what she was until that moment. I had envisaged a very different backstory to her time working in the bar. Other guys like me trying to get to know her, respecting her, and seeing if she could be their partner. But no, I can say that day I will never go with a bar girl again.

The Aftermath and a New Beginning

I had a week left in Thailand and a few days later when I was in one of the bars, I came to the realization that what happened, although shocking, was a blessing in disguise because it made me realize what everything was happening around me. Enjoy it and move on. Don’t get attached. I enjoyed the rest of my time there. Instead of wasting my money on a girl, I spent it on myself instead. and I had some fantastic once-in-a-lifetime experiences.

I’ve been back home now for 5 months and I’m planning my next trip. The only thing I need to work out is how can I meet a decent, respectable Thai girl, preferably in her late 30s to early 40s, who wants someone to be with who is genuine and real. That’s what I’m in search of now. I know that the bar is not the place to find a girl.