A Fifth Thailand Trip and the Lessons That Followed

I think my story begins the same way it does for a lot of guys out here: meeting a Thai girl in a bar and everything turning into a complete nightmare. One minute you are out going to the bars, talking to ladies and enjoying life, and the next you find yourself catching feelings for someone you know deep down is bad news.

I had been flying out to Thailand on and off for around four years, and this was my fifth trip back to the country. Anyone who has spent time in Bangkok would probably agree that five trips in four years is nothing out of the ordinary. People travel here many more times than me in the same amount of years, and some never return to their own country.

You can hardly blame them. When you are stuck dealing with the hopeless mess that dating back home has become, it is easy to see how Bangkok can start to feel like a habit you do not want to kick. A lot of judgmental men will say that we only go to Thailand because we cannot get a woman in our own country, which is not true. It is because we do not want a woman in our country.

In Bangkok, I usually ended up going out on Sukhumvit Road, including Soi 11, Soi 21, Soi 8, and of course Nana Plaza. When you are on holiday and drinking around Sukhumvit Road, you are bound to end up at Nana. I also used to go to Khao San Road, but by then I felt too old for it because it was full of young backpackers.

I had made plenty of mistakes in the past by going with the first girl who approached me in Nana, and it usually turned out to be a complete waste. On this night I wanted to take my time and talk with a few of the girls working there. I sat down with a group of women and, as usual, ended up noticing the one who was showing off the most, dancing and flirting.

I Choose the Quiet Girl in Nana Plaza

She was doing all the things that were usually enough to grab my attention and make me forget everything else. Before I could even act like I was interested in her, I noticed the woman right beside me. She was less than six inches away, but I had not seen her because her friend was doing all the flashy showing off.

I had always gone for the girls who looked the most attractive, and it almost always ended badly for me. Just because they were very attractive did not mean they were nice people. I do not know if it was because I was in a tipsy state, but right there in Nana I sat back and knew I had to make a change. I was sick of waking up to another dumb mistake.

I decided to skip the girl who looked like she would take me on a crazy roller coaster of a ride and turned to the quiet one at my side. She sat there looking shy and innocent, barely speaking or drawing attention. It was a totally different vibe, and I felt like maybe this time would play out better.

I started chatting with her, but she was not flirting with me at all. She did not even seem interested in talking with me. I do not know why, but that made me want her even more. No matter how shy they seem, if they are in Nana, then you know they do some type of work there.

She started with the same old tale about growing up in Isaan and barely scraping by, begging for someone to pull her out of that life. She told me how she and her sister worked endless hours for almost nothing, sending it back to their family in Isaan, and how all she really wanted was a man to look after them. She hated doing bar work and dreamed of something different and a good life for her children.

Our Relationship Starts to Feel Real

Before I knew it, what began as a quick and fun night together had turned into me acting as her full time boyfriend. For the next two or three months we did everything together. Every time I went out she was by my side, whether we were out in the day passing time or going to the bars at night.

We travelled all over Thailand, with me paying for everything. We even took a trip to her hometown to meet her parents and the rest of the family. During that time I got the dreadful feeling that all of us hope we never get. I felt that mine was different from the rest and that I had finally found someone who was not a complete nightmare to be with.

We really were inseparable, and she never once asked me for a single baht. We said all the sappy lines you would expect, such as we would be together forever. Looking back, it sounds and feels very cringy, but back then it was the closest I had ever come to a real connection with a bar girl.

I had been around the block with relationships in Thailand and in my own country. I had always had my head screwed on and had never once got played, so I had been pretty lucky. Knowing that, there was absolutely no excuse for the complete fool I was about to become.

It did not take long to see that she was not like the typical Bangkok girl everyone talked about. She had a genuine personality that set her apart from the rest, and as I felt things getting pretty serious between us, I wanted to see how serious and genuine she really was.

Jealousy Reveals the First Red Flags

I told her straight up that I was not dropping cash on her every day just because she was my girlfriend. If she really cared, our relationship should not be about money or whether I could support her. I had my own money and had always worked since a young age, but who wants a relationship where they have to pay their girlfriend to be with them?

I suggested she continue going to Nana and working on Fridays and Saturdays to earn her own cash. I was not sure why, but it did not bother me for her to work some nights as long as she told me what she was doing. After those first couple of months together nonstop, I felt I could have one or two days a week to myself.

At the same time, I had a couple of other girls on the go who were normal women with real day jobs, so the weekend to myself was perfect. We agreed that she would work Friday and Saturday night, and now and again I could go out on my own to sit in bars, talk to people, and have fun. I had to promise her I would not meet other girls, even though I already had.

This was where the first red flag started. Every time I went out on my own or with a friend bar hopping, she would end up at the bar where I was. The first time I thought it was a coincidence, but after the third or fifth time I started to question it. I even went to random bars that were not known to have bar girls or tourist nightlife, but she still ended up around that area.

Over time she became very jealous and clingy. She wanted to know everything about when I went out and wanted to be with me day and night. She seemed as if she would break down if I left her, and it always made me feel guilty when I went out alone. I did not understand why she had to be so attached to me.

A Warning Comes Too Late

This bar girl was actually different, and I mean that in the way that I really liked her. She would get crushed if I asked for some space for the night. The big mistake most guys make is that when a woman really depends on you, especially an Isaan girl struggling to get by, it brings out the instinct in men to become a saviour and try to protect her.

I had never had the feeling of a woman actually needing me, despite being in plenty of relationships. That was something new. Back home, things were changing so fast and we were getting left behind. Women in the West no longer needed a man and wanted to be strong, independent women. That was how I ended up diving headfirst into this whole Thai mess.

This was the point where most of us ignore all the red flags. Any bit of common sense disappears, and it is like we are heading straight down a one way street to complete disaster. One night, we were out in Bangkok around Sukhumvit Road in an expat area, just having a normal night together.

We were in a bar that had many expats. Two guys kept looking over at me and my girl, and once she noticed them, I could see that she got very nervous and wanted to leave. One of them came over and said, as a man, that he thought he should warn me she was trouble. I heard every word, but I put it down to him being a jealous ex customer of hers.

How I wish I had taken his advice, got rid of her, and stayed drinking with them. Fast forward about a year and we were still together, but she was now my Thai wife after we got married in a small village ceremony in Isaan, where she was from.

My Wife Attacks Me in Isaan

Things had not been going well between us. It was not a bad relationship all the time, but she had become more clingy and aggressive, and I could feel her temper change at the slightest thing. One night I told my wife I needed to go to Bangkok and leave her at home for ten days to handle some things. She thought I wanted to see another girl and started screaming, shouting, and throwing things around.

Then it happened. She attacked me and would not stop. I ran down to reception at the hotel, and security came to calm her down. The room had been trashed, and I was covered in cuts and bruises. I told security I wanted her out of the room because I was the one paying. I would not have kicked her out, but the things she was saying she would do to me while I slept left me no choice.

A couple of minutes after she was removed, she was back at the room, banging on the door and screaming that the police were on their way. I was stuck in her hometown out in Isaan, my Thai was barely good enough to order food, and I was just a farang. When the police showed up I tried to explain everything, but they said I would need to go to the police station.

Even the money did not help. I tried offering money to the first two policemen and then to the twenty others who got involved. Literally nobody was taking it. I later found out my wife had told the cops that if I tried to give them money to get out of it, she would report them to the Bangkok police and get them into trouble.

I was allowed to call my friend in Bangkok, who had lived in Thailand for over ten years and spoke Thai. His advice was to keep my cool, show respect, and hope I had learned my lesson. The cops kept asking why I had done that to my wife, so I pointed out that there was not a single mark on her and that all the cuts and bruises were on me.

I finally realised there was no way out. I apologised to her and asked if we could go home and forget what had happened. She switched gears with the cops and agreed to leave, but only after I signed papers promising to pay for the gold bracelet she had smashed in her rage. It cost thirty thousand baht. I paid and went back to the hotel, where my wife acted as if nothing had happened.

I Finally Escape from Thailand

A couple of days after the experience of being in a jail cell, my brain started slipping back into sleep mode. We decided to make a go of it and live in Pattaya. Things started with beach days, rest, and nonstop fun, except that she would not let me out of her sight. Even an hour to sort out my visa or a thirty minute trip to the bank made her jealous.

During all the time we were in Pattaya, I did not go to see any other girls. Most nights I went to bars that locals used and spent time with Thai and expat friends I had made. Every time I was out with them, the phone kept ringing. It was always my wife saying, loud and clear, that I was with another lady and that she hated me.

I would put my Thai friends on the phone to tell her we were not with girls and were just drinking, but that did not help. I would get home and catch the usual outbursts. I guess it was on me for keeping big beer bottles around the house because those things did far more damage when they were smashed against you than the smaller ones ever did.

After all the attacks, outbursts, and fits of rage, I finally lost it. One night a girl in the bar became flirty with me and my wife. Although it was her job and my wife knew that, she still became extremely jealous. The next day, covered in bruises, I got on the bus back to Bangkok with my wife and told her we needed to go our separate ways.

She called a friend and got advice to take off her gold jewellery and have me arrested for stealing it when we reached Bangkok. Then she flipped out again and started slapping me on the bus. At the hotel she grabbed whatever she could and slapped me in front of staff who had known me for years. They looked scared and told me she would calm down in a few days.

I knew she had a night out with her Bangkok friends planned, and that was my chance to escape. As soon as she left, I packed my things, booked a different hotel, changed my SIM card, and deactivated my social media. I left a note and 30,000 baht, but that was only the start of three months on the run, moving between areas and sometimes changing hotels three times in one night. Eventually I escaped to Laos and then Vietnam to get some peace.

The Lessons I Learned from the Nightmare

I love Thailand and wish I could have stayed or lived there full time, but after all the stress piled up I had to leave. Maybe you can learn from the mistakes I made. When you are in Thailand, remember that you are not in your own country anymore and you may not have the help you think you have. The laws and the people are different.

If you decide you do not want to be with your Thai girl anymore, expect some fallout because she may not take it well. Even if a girl tries to hurt you, it can be difficult to tell what is real, what is made up, who is lying, and what is just drama. Getting mixed up with someone unstable can damage your life unless you think being thrown in jail or chased by crazy people is something to be proud of.

The most important thing is that if you want to make it in Thailand, you have to act Thai. That probably means finding a regular girl with a normal job as your girlfriend or wife. At the end of the day, bar girls can be a fun distraction, but if you take one who seems innocent and helpless, bring her home, and promise her a future away from the bars, you are stepping into serious trouble.

Over the time we were together I spent quite a bit of money on her and her family, including medical bills, living costs, gifts, and everything else. Honestly, it probably would have been cheaper just to hit up Nana Plaza or Pattaya every night. I had been trying to find something better, but instead I found a nightmare that taught me to stop ignoring the warning signs.