My Thai Girlfriend Kept Her Son Secret for Two Years

This happened last year and I still don’t know whether it was the strangest misunderstanding I’ve ever had in Thailand or whether I was simply the last person to realize what was going on. Call me Neil. I’m 56 from Bristol.

I’ve been coming to Thailand on and off for about 12 years, though I’ve never actually lived there full-time. I run a small commercial cleaning company back home. I’d been divorced for 7 years and wasn’t particularly looking for another serious relationship.

A Small Laundry Shop in Cham

Then I met Pom. She was 43 and ran a small laundry shop in Cham with her cousin. I met her because the guest house where I was staying managed to lose half my washing.

Pom was not responsible, but somehow she ended up helping me find it. My first conversation with the woman who eventually became my girlfriend involved me trying to explain why I was missing three pairs of shorts and several pairs of underwear. Romance is not dead.

We started seeing each other a few days later. Pom was funny, practical, and completely unimpressed by me. If I started moaning about something, she’d listen for about 30 seconds before saying, “Okay, so fix it.”

We were together whenever I was in Thailand. And when I went back to England, we’d video call most evenings. This went on for nearly 2 years.

The Son I Thought Was a Nephew

Pom often talked about a boy named First. First was 14 and lived with Pom‘s older sister in Phetchaburi. I just assumed he was her nephew.

First had an exam. First needed football boots. First had been fighting at school.

First wanted a gaming computer that apparently required the processing power of NASA. Normal auntie stuff. Or so I thought.

I met him a few times as well. He was a good kid. Once he discovered I followed football, we got on well.

I’m a Bristol City supporter and he supported Manchester United. So obviously the boy had suffered enough already.

Pom Was Strict With First

The only thing I found strange was how strict Pom was with him. Once he got caught skipping school and Pom drove nearly an hour to deal with it. I asked why his mother was not handling it.

She said my sister cannot control him. Fair enough. Then last year I came over for 6 weeks.

Pom suggested we spend a few days in Phetchaburi because First had a school event. The first evening we were there, First came home looking miserable and Pom immediately started questioning him in Thai. He wouldn’t answer.

Her sister joined in. Voices got louder and eventually First stormed upstairs. Pom followed him up.

Her Sister Told Me Pom Was His Mother

Her sister sat beside me and said in English, “He was angry with his mother.” I said, “Teenager.” She looked confused, then pointed upstairs.

He was angry with Pom. So I said, “I know. I understand.” Then she told me that Pom was his mother.

I actually laughed because I thought there had been some language mixup. She wasn’t laughing.

First Was Pom’s Son

I said, “First is Pom‘s son.” She nodded. Apparently, everyone knew.

Everyone except me. Now, Pom came downstairs 10 minutes later. Her sister said something to her in Thai, and Pom looked straight at me.

I said, “First is your son.” She closed her eyes. Not exactly the reaction you want.

Why Pom Hid Her Son

I wasn’t angry that she had a son. That wouldn’t have bothered me. What bothered me was that I’d known this boy for nearly 2 years and she’d allowed me to believe he was her nephew.

We went outside and I asked why she had lied. She insisted that she hadn’t. She said, “You never asked me if First was my son.”

So I said to her, “Why would I ask if your nephew was secretly your son?” She said, “I never said I had a nephew.” And annoyingly, she was right.

I’d assumed it. Pom had never actually called him her nephew, but she knew full well what I believed.

Because Foreign Men Leave Me When They Know I Have a Son

Eventually, she explained First when she was 28. His father disappeared when he was very young. Pom later went to Bangkok for work while her sister and brother-in-law raised First in Phetchaburi.

Pom paid towards everything and visited regularly, but her sister was basically the parent who raised him day-to-day. I still didn’t understand why she hadn’t told me. Then she said, “Because foreign men leave me when they know I have a son.”

Before me she dated a German guy. Things had been serious until he discovered she had a child. He didn’t want the responsibility and shortly afterwards the relationship ended.

So when Pom met me she didn’t tell me. So I said, “For two years?” She said she kept meaning to.

Nobody keeps meaning to mention a 14-year-old son for 2 years. So I asked her, “Does First know that I didn’t know?” She said yes.

And he hated it. That was why he’d been angry.

The School Event in Phetchaburi

At the school event the following day, there would be parents there who knew Pom was his mother. First had told her she had to tell me before we went. She promised that she would, but she delayed again, and he finally lost his temper.

Talking to First Before the School Event

Suddenly, I wasn’t the person I felt most sorry for, so I asked to speak to First. His English was not brilliant and my Thai wasn’t good enough for a serious conversation. So Pom‘s sister helped us out.

I told him that I was not angry with him. So he asked me, “You don’t like me now, and that flawed me.” I said, “Why wouldn’t I like you?”

He thought that because I knew he was Pom‘s son, I might leave. He knew what had happened with the German boyfriend. This kid had spent nearly two years thinking that if I discovered who he really was, I’d disappear.

I told him that the problem wasn’t him. It never had been.

The Teacher Asked If I Was First’s Stepfather

The next day, we went to his school event. One of First‘s teachers came over, spoke to Pom, and then looked at me, and she asked in English, “Are you First‘s stepfather? Good luck.” Pom looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her.

First burst out laughing. So, I said, “Apparently, I only found out yesterday.” The teacher had no idea what I meant.

First thought it was hilarious. For the rest of the day, whenever someone asked who I was, he’d look at me and whisper, “You know now.”

Rebuilding Trust After Pom’s Secret

When Pom and I got back to Cham, things weren’t magically fixed. I was still angry, not because she had a child, but because she deliberately allowed me to believe something that wasn’t true. For the first time in nearly 2 years, I seriously considered ending the relationship.

I stayed at a guest house for a few nights and Pom didn’t chase me. She sent one message that read, “I understand if you cannot trust me.” A few days later, another message appeared on my phone.

This one was from First: “Neil, you come to football on Sunday.” We talked about watching a match together. I stared at it for ages before replying, “Yes.”

So on Sunday, I went back to First, watched football, and Pom cooked. Nobody gave a big speech or made some dramatic apology. It was awkward as hell, but strangely it was also normal.

Pom and I Finally Talked Properly

After First left, Pom and I finally talked properly. She admitted she’d known for a long time that I thought First was her nephew. She deliberately avoided correcting me.

Every month that passed made it harder to tell me. Now that explanation actually made more sense than anything she had said before, not because it excused it. She dug herself into a hole and kept telling herself she’d fix it later.

Tomorrow became next week. Next week became months. Eventually, someone else revealed it for her.

I went back to England at the end of the trip, and for a while, I didn’t know if we would survive it, but we kept talking and something changed afterwards. Pom stopped trying to show me the polished version of her life. She became much more open about family problems, money worries, and things she wasn’t proud of.

Strangely enough, I trusted her more after that. First started messaging me too, usually for help with English homework or to complain about Manchester United, neither of which I’m particularly qualified to fix.

Planning More Time in Thailand

About five months later, I returned to Thailand. When we visited Phetchaburi again, everything felt different. First wasn’t the nephew anymore.

He was just First. Pom‘s sister was still the woman who’d actually raised him, and Pom was still his mother. Nobody needed to pretend otherwise.

Now, I’m planning to spend more time in Thailand next year, although I’m keeping my place in Bristol. And no, I haven’t officially become First‘s stepfather. Although recently he sent me a photo of some football boots costing nearly 5,000 baht.

Underneath he had written, “Maybe birthday.” So, I replied, “Ask your mother.” He wrote back, “Which one?”

I had absolutely no answer to that. I thought I’d caught my girlfriend hiding a 14-year-old son from me. Technically, I had, but as it turned out, the kid himself was the easiest part of the whole thing to understand.