The Thailand Engagement That Wasn’t Listening to Your Gut

Story One: The Engagement That Wasn’t Listening to Your Gut

The year must have been 2012. I lived in South Australia. I had just broken up with my fiancée and was feeling quite shattered about it. I was 34 at the time. A slightly older workmate in his mid 40s encouraged me to pack up my troubles in my old kit bag and head to the Land of Smiles, as it were. I had zero interest in visiting Thailand at that time, but gradually became curious.

I joined a couple of Asian dating apps in my hometown, and even the couple of ladies I met from those who were from Southeast Asia wow. I started to think my colleague was on to something. So I booked a few weeks’ leave from work. I arranged to meet my colleague in Phuket about a week into my travels. But first it was Bangkok.

Phuket and Anne

So now experienced, I moved on to Phuket. I had one night alone in modest apartments in the Karon Beach area until my colleague would meet me. I should mention that it was low season at this time. The next couple of weeks was a blur of crazy fun. We started at quiet beer bars, moved on to bigger beer bars, but mostly stuck around the same area and became well known, mostly for good reasons.

There was one main bar we frequented, and of course, there was a girl working there I fancied who was different. She had huge brown eyes, an infectious laugh, was a little bit alternative, and it seemed everyone at the bar thought we were a great match. I still remember her cruising down the road to the bar on the back of a Liverpool stickered motorbike with her hat on backwards classic.

I bar fined her and spent three nights with this lovely lady, who we can call Anne, and was amazed how comfortable I felt. The only problem was that I had already planned a trip to Vietnam. I left the next day, but instead of spending 2 weeks in Vietnam, I returned to Phuket after 5 days. Feeling like the biggest romantic in the world, I returned to the bar Anne worked in, perhaps expecting trumpets, angels, and flowers falling from the sky.

Alas, Anne had gone home and would be back in a week. Heartbroken, I waited in Phuket for her. I had her contact details, but her replies were rare and her English poor. In any case, she claimed she would return early, and after 5 days or so, she did return to Phuket. I had about 10 days of my holiday left. I bar fined Anne for a week, spending those days together which felt like a real couple to me, at least.

At this point I was head over heels and beyond the point of return. I paid the bar to release Anne from her contract. I bought her a laptop so we could stay in contact and purchased a flight from Phuket to her hometown in Isan Buriram. Stupid farang I hear your viewers and listeners yelling.

Of course, I was. But as so many say, this is what Thailand does to some men. I was in love with Anne. She told me she had a young son and lived on a small rural property in Buriram.

The Trip to Buriram

Within a few months, I had booked two more weeks’ leave to visit Anne in Buriram. First of all, my memory of the Nok Air flight from Bangkok to Buriram I’ve never felt so nauseated or been in a smaller plane, and never again. Anyway, we landed safely, and I was greeted by Anne and some of her family in a pretty impressive four-wheel-drive car.

Cutting to the chase slightly, I had booked a hotel room in Buriram while Anne stayed with her family, as no way could I survive without aircon, and she could not stay with me until we were married or promised to be. On the 3 days or so I was there before an arranged evening which was to be our engagement or equivalent, I never met her son and was feeling like I was being paid scant attention.

On the second day, I recall Anne was at my hotel room. I tried to instigate, as you say, aerobics, but she was not having it. To this day, I recall she exactly chastised me with, “No, you want aerobics, I want to take care.” Damn right I wanted aerobics. I was aching for it. An innocent massage was not going to cut it.

The Big Night

Now, to the big night. Anne’s family, some friends, and seemingly half the village were gathered at her family home. She had a friend there who was petite, attractive, and spoke great English. We can guess why she became the interpreter for the evening’s somewhat shortened events. We were sitting outside as I recall.

Anne’s father needed to address me. Anne’s friend translated something close to: “He asks if you love Anne and you want to marry her.” I looked at her. I looked at Anne. I looked at the father. Never has my world been in such slow motion. I gathered within myself gumption I never thought I possessed. I said no she does not care about me.

Very soon, I was advised that I should leave and return to my hotel. I apologized to Anne but told her it was obvious she did not love me and only wanted me to help her situation. We both cried a little. That night, I slept alone in my hotel room. The next day, I explored Buriram alone, considering what had happened. I was very comfortable that I had done the right thing.

That night, I asked a taxi to take me to any bars. There was a small set of four bars from my memory, with an elephant passing by as I arrived as they do. I chose a bar with about four girls in there. When I bought them a drink, they all chose milk. I think all the girls were actually from Laos. They spoke little English but were cute and friendly.

Then one arrived a little stunner. I asked if she could come back to my hotel, which she did. To this day, I recall her taking me by motorbike and the intoxicating scent of her freshly washed hair. Well, I finally got some aerobics in at Buriram. She left the next morning. I got my flight back to Bangkok the day after.

The Moral of the Story

My moral from this tale of woe is that no matter how deep you may get into a relationship or situation with a Thai lady or any lady for that matter if it feels wrong in your gut, then leave. Leaving when I did for sure saved me from a lot worse to come. It was extremely awkward ruining that evening, believe me. But I have no regrets about that.

Story Two: A First Timer’s Gem The One Who Got Away

“Hi Peter, here is a story that you might like to read on your channel. It is nothing spectacular, just a story about a first timer in Bangkok.”

My name is Ron. I am from Rotterdam, Holland. Back in 1993, when I was 29 years old, I had recently become single and I booked my first holiday to Thailand one week in Bangkok and one week in Phuket. When I got on the plane, I knew the words Patpong, Soi Cowboy, and Nana Plaza. That was all. So I figured I was good to go.

When I arrived in Bangkok, I was overwhelmed by the amount of cars, the heat, the stench, and the smog. I thought, “Wow, I love this place.” (Now, I prefer places with less air pollution.) On my first night, I went to a couple of bars in Patpong, had a few drinks, and went back to my hotel alone as I was still far too tired from the flight for any aerobics.

On my second night, I went to Soi Cowboy. As I walked down the street, I saw this really cute, fair skinned girl standing outside a bar, giving me the brightest smile I had ever seen. I immediately thought that is going to be the girl for tonight.

Meeting Som

So I bought her a couple of lady drinks. I had the usual chit chat and asked if she wanted to come with me to my hotel, which she gladly did. She said I had to pay 250 baht bar fine and for her 500 baht for the night. That surprised me because that was half the price I expected. That night was a lot of fun, and we really hit it off not in the least thanks to her cheerful personality. So I decided to keep her with me for another day, and after that, the entire week I was in Bangkok.

During the week she told me her name was Som. She was 33 years old and from a small village in Nakhon Phanom. She had two children living with her mother back in the village typical, I know now. Her English was very limited, but fortunately I had bought an English Thai dictionary that helped a bit.

She showed me around Bangkok, and I later found she did a great job showing me the well known and the not so well known temples and other attractions of Bangkok, traveling mostly over the khlongs by water taxis, which was at that time the fastest and most pleasant way to get around the city. There was no BTS or MRT back then.

When I told her I wanted to buy some clothes, she brought me to what she thought was the best place. It was a big building with I do not know how many floors, completely stuffed with small shops that all had clothes piled up to the ceiling. I’m not sure, but I think it was somewhere on Khao San Road or Rama 4. It was an amazing place that I never managed to find again.

I let her choose the places where to eat. So she took me to places where there were no tourists at all and where I was the only farang, and the names of the dishes were in Thai only. Not only did I find the food delicious and incredibly cheap, but being away from the tourist areas made it for me an authentic Thai experience.

When after a week I had to leave, I gave her quite a big tip that seemed to surprise her but was accepted with gratitude. As I sat in the taxi to get me to the airport for the second part of my holiday, she passed me by walking to the bus stop. She smiled and waved and that was the last I ever saw of her. When after a few years I returned to Bangkok, I found the bar she worked at had gone with the wind. Now, over 30 years and quite a few visits to Thailand and other countries later, every now and then I still think of Som, who was a true gem with a sparkling personality. She made my first visit to Bangkok an unforgettable experience.

Story Three: Marrying into a Thai Family The Realities of Supporting Relatives

“A few months ago, I sent to Thailand Bound a story about how after years of visiting Thailand, I finally met someone who became my wife. That was 7 years ago. And I can say without reservation that our relationship is the best I’ve ever had. Living proof that if there is a God, he or she has saved the best till last.”

In that story, I mentioned my wife’s family and how if you marry a Thai, then they come for better or worse with a free family, and that when you become part of that family, you become part of the support network, which should work to the benefit of everyone.

Nonetheless, there are as many horror stories focused on guys getting mixed up with predatory partners who, working together with their relatives, conspire for hubby to eventually lose everything and be sent on his way with no recourse in law. Fortunately, I cannot tell one of those stories. My experience with the family over the last five to six years has all been good.

Of course, Palm’s relatives asked the obvious initial question: “Is he rich?” To which Palm said truthfully, “He has a good job, but he is not rich.” We visit every year, and they always treat us well.

The Expectations of a Thai Family

There is more pressure on Palm to provide than on me. It is expected that because she works abroad, she will appear with money to spare and arrange something for them all to celebrate. Palm once told me how there exists prejudice against Thais who have gone abroad to work if they return with nothing but empty pockets.

So one year Palm paid for transport and accommodation for a minibus full of close relatives to visit another branch of the family in Pattaya. Another year later she hired a floating platform on a local reservoir which had onboard entertainment and opportunities to fish and swim. Next year, another minibus is planned to visit her niece in Chiang Rai who has just started university.

Nothing is said, but it would be considered bad form for Palm for me not to contribute. In between visits, Palm sends money home monthly to cover the care of her dad who is 81 and not in the best of health. In addition, there are other occasional payments when babies are born or when a cousin moved to Phuket to work, money was required to help him settle. And of course, the niece starting university was not without cost.

Most of these contributions are not requested, but Palm has an ingrained sense of etiquette which guides our payments. There are also occasional requests for small amounts a few hundred baht from more distant relatives who have few or no close relatives around them to help. The family is the welfare hub, and a bit like national insurance. Here in the UK, you are expected to pay in on the basis that one day you might need support.

This is more important for Palm than for me, because I doubt I will die in Thailand. Palm, though being younger than me, will more than likely return home one day, and that is the time she will or should get looked after should she need it.

The House

We have had a house built on land owned by Palm. A nice, clean new house as her dad may need dialysis, and a clean space will make this easier and more hygienic. All including groundwork, £15,000. I have enclosed a picture of this house built of recycled teak two bedrooms, tiled bathroom, hot shower, aircon in one room.

Soon after it was built, a storm hit the hometown, blowing off many of the tin roofs, including the roof of Palm’s close relatives. While repairs were underway, they all sheltered in the new house, which thankfully held together. Last time we were out there, Palm arranged a house blessing and food for all relatives and friends who wanted to attend about 100 people. I paid for the beer, and when I got the final bill, I did not feel anyone had taken advantage of free booze. I think the total cost was around 5,000 baht plus beer.

This house also says to the whole village that Palm has gone abroad, is doing well, and has a good husband. On this basis, she makes face, and her star rises accordingly.

Of course, if our marriage ended, the house stays with Palm. I would have no recourse in law. That is true for all marriages, and sadly some have come to a poor end because of this. When the marriage finishes, the husband has to shuffle off probably back to his home country. Essentially it is a gamble, and the same rule applies common to all gambles: never gamble more than you can afford to lose.

But so far, I have no complaints.

Life at Home

At home I get well looked after, and because of this, I seem to thrive from day to day. There is not the endless negotiation that seems characteristic of many Western relationships certainly those I was involved in before I met Palm.

With Palm, I am expected to be the leader, and this gives me certain privileges. Where couples in the West might sit in earnest discussion, I get executive rights. Of course, I have to make decisions consistent with Palm’s expectations of what is right. That is why it is so important for anyone entering into a serious relationship with a traditionally minded Thai that you understand something of Thai culture, because it is this which governs their expectations of you as husband and of themselves as wife.

At home, Palm takes care of domestic life, and I do not interfere with that. It always amuses me when friends come to eat. She will cook, serve the food, but rarely eat with us, preferring to eat later. If she really knows the person for example, someone who attended our wedding in Thailand this rule might bend.

Another plus is that her family rarely drink alcohol. And although the younger boys have dabbled in substances, they seem to have grown out of that. A few years ago, one of them was rounded up by police following phone evidence for holding some Chinese substance. As is typical in Thailand whereas here he might have got probation he got a long prison sentence. This was gradually whittled down following royal birthdays and whatnot until he was let out on tag after about 3 years. While he was in jail, I would send him 1,000 baht a month, which he would spend on extra food and paper to write home.

I hope your listeners will find these musings useful, but as I have said before, there is no magic formula only luck. I could have been marrying into the family from hell, but so far, thank God, it is all turning out well. One day if we do want to return to Thailand, as I am married to a Thai, visa requirements are not so demanding. I have either got to show 400,000 baht on deposit or a minimum income of 40,000 baht a month which is less than the UK state pension.

Story Four: The Bar Girl Who Turned Crazy A Cautionary Tale

“I recently met a viewer who said to me, ‘I can’t understand why people whine when you re read a story for the second time, especially when it’s four or five years ago because a lot of new subscribers.’ And he said, ‘Even if I hear a story a second time, because it’s been so long ago, I like listening to it.'”

At 28 years old, I first arrived in Thailand in December 2018. It was my first trip with my two friends, who had paid for me to go last minute as they had already booked up. Having just come out of a long term toxic relationship, I fell on hard times. They could see that I was fed up with life and had no zest left in me. They wanted to show me the world was bigger than our hometown and there was plenty to live for.

The day came when we finally landed in Bangkok and headed into the Sukhumvit area. I didn’t know what to expect. I was thinking of white sandy beaches and clear blue water like the Google images showed me when I researched it 2 days before our departure. Mind you, those images were of Phuket, Krabi, and other islands. I was looking forward to having a real good time with my two friends. But little did I know I would be spending 10 days in Pattaya.

I heard the stories about the girls all looking for money and potentially a visa. I just laughed it off, thinking, “Surely they aren’t all like that. Maybe there is a good egg in there somewhere.”

The First Night

Upon arriving into the Sukhumvit area, we checked into a hotel which is located on Soi 11. My friends have visited Thailand several times in the past, so knew to take me first to Nana Plaza. Walking into Nana Plaza reminded me of the first time I walked into an arcade at the seaside when I was a young boy. The excitement on entering was the same. Pure excitement came over me as I looked around. The bustling nightlife was all around me. I’d never experienced anything like this in my life.

“Welcome. Welcome. Hello, sexy man. Where you go?” It made me laugh as I continued walking. I couldn’t understand it. Why are all these girls smiling at me? Do they want a visa to come to my country like everybody back home said they would? I later discovered that this is a stigma these girls are working here purely for money. Most of them love their own country and have no desire to leave.

Eventually, one of my friends said, “Right, it’s time to let this guy see what goes on here,” and they took me into my first go go bar. After my eyes had adjusted to the light, I was amazed to see about a dozen beautiful girls dancing on a stage and wearing nothing more than bikinis. I was dreaming for a minute, then realized it was real.

I couldn’t help thinking to myself, why hadn’t I visited Thailand sooner? This place is great, and the best thing about it was I was only 2 hours into a 10 day holiday.

Meeting A

I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Hello,” said this gorgeous 5’2″ stunner with the brightest smile and the whitest teeth you could imagine. Her dark skin tone was the cherry on the cake for me. She was absolutely beautiful. How could I resist? She told me her name was A and asked me where I came from, to which I replied Scotland.

A said, “I like Scotland. You come holiday? How long you stay Thailand? First time you come my country?” And very stupidly I said, “Yes, it’s the first time I have visited Thailand.” A immediately came out with, “You want I show you around?” I thought, “Why not? I wouldn’t mind going for a game of pool with her.”

I asked her, “What time do you finish work?” She said, “I work very late, but I can leave the bar early if you pay for my bar fine.” I asked her how it worked and how much it was. She explained it was 5,000 baht, which would cover her salary and compensate the bar for losing her for the rest of the evening. Quickly working out the exchange rate in my head, I worked out that it was peanuts really, and I was on holiday for a good time. So that was that.

A and myself had a brilliant evening playing pool and getting smashed on shooters. We eventually ended up in my hotel together, but I was too drunk for any aerobics but made up for it in the morning.

The Morning After

I fell asleep again, and as I looked at her laying there, I once again thought to myself, she is absolutely stunning. She is also a nice girl. I’d enjoyed her company last night. I thought to myself, if she wants to hang around a while longer and go for some food with me, I wouldn’t have a problem with that, and I hoped she wasn’t in a hurry to run off someplace else.

I was coming out of the shower when I heard a yawn. “Good morning, tilac. Are you okay?” “I’m fine. A little tender from all the shots, but I’m okay,” I said, laughing. “I can’t remember getting back home,” I said. A said, “I bring you back ’cause you more too mau too much.” I replied, “What’s ‘mau’?” “Drunk,” she replied. I just laughed.

I then said, “Do you want to do something with me today?” She replied, “A can do whatever you want to like, tilac, but first you have to pay me 10,000 baht.” I was very confused. 10,000 baht for what? You told me 5,000 baht and I paid it to you last night.

A then said, “That wasn’t for me. That was for the bar. You have to pay me 10,000 baht for taking care of you last night.” By this point, she had raised her voice and was getting agitated. I tried to reason with her, but she just wouldn’t have it. I gave her another 2,000 baht and said, “Look, that’s 7,000 baht I’ve given you in total. That should be enough.”

She then screams at me. “No, you have to give me 10,000 baht, or I call my brother. He Thai mafia.” “Wow,” I thought. What have I gotten myself into here? I shoved the 2,000 baht into A’s hand and said, “That’s all you’re getting. Call who you want.”

At that point, there was a knock at the door. It was my friend Gary. Gary said, “Come on, hurry up. We have a taxi booked for Pattaya. It will be here in 10 minutes. I thought you’d be up and dressed already.” I said, “No worries. Give me a minute. I’ll be right there.” A wasn’t done yet. She started picking up the hotel brochures and throwing them around the room and was shouting at me. “You go now. I call my brother. You have to pay.” By this point, I was getting stressed out and just wanted to leave. I just paid her the rest of what she asked for. The only thing I was thinking was how much I had given her in my own money and did I have enough left for the rest of my holiday. As soon as she had the cash off me, she changed back to how she was the night before. The next thing to come out of her mouth was totally unbelievable. She said, “I don’t want to go. I want to stay here with you and take care of you.”

The Pattaya Extension

I said, “No, I’m sorry. That’s not possible. I’m leaving for Pattaya in 10 minutes with my two friends.” Then she says, “Okay, I come Pattaya with you. Take care you 10 days.” “No,” I said. “I’m not paying you again. I don’t have much money left. Only have money for holiday.”

She says, “It’s okay, tilac. Two people can sleep together, one room. You buy me food. We’re okay. No problem.” Thinking about this offer and thinking maybe I can get to know her better, I agreed. She could join us. To cut a long story short, we actually had a fantastic time in Pattaya together seeing the sights, partying every night, and getting drunk together. It was great fun. But now it was time to go home.

I was sad. I had fallen for A and she with me, apparently. I later learned A was from Nakhon Sakhon and had a son that her mother took care of. She had come to Bangkok to provide for her family an extended family, grandmother, grandfather, etc. as they were all very poor. I don’t think A realized that I wasn’t exactly rich either. I was working for minimum salary in a very labor intensive job.

I asked A, “Where do you want me to drop you off in Bangkok?” She replied, “I come airport with you. You my boyfriend now.” My friends looked at me as if to say “idiot.”

The Second Trip

When I was back home, A was calling me every day actually some days every hour. I was missing Thailand now or was missing A? I booked a second trip alone on Boxing Day and sent a screenshot of the ticket to A. My holiday was for 18 days that is the maximum time I could take off work. I sent her a message with the scan that said, “I miss you and I’ll be there soon.”

But I didn’t hear back from her for over 2 days. When she did finally reply, she said, “I broke my phone, but it works now.” I told her I would land April the 15th, early in the morning. A says, “Okay, I wait. You can go see Koh Chang. You want?” “Okay,” I said, not knowing where Koh Chang was.

Anyway, the day finally came when it was time to head to the airport and back to the Land of Smiles. As soon as I arrived in Bangkok, I jumped in a taxi and made my way back to the same hotel. After a quick shower and a change of clothes, I headed to Nana Plaza and back to the go go bar where I had met A.

She was on stage dancing. As soon as she spotted me walking through the door, she jumped off the stage, ran over to me, threw her arms around me, and said, “Hello, tilac. I happy to see you again.”

I said to her, “Why are you working tonight? You promised you’d meet me at the airport.” To which A replied, “I’m sorry, tilac. I have to work. Make money tonight. I can see you tomorrow.” I said, “No, you’re coming with me tonight. I will pay the bar fine.” This made her smile. I said, “We’re going to Koh Chang tomorrow, remember? 14 days. Then I have to go to Pattaya to see friends.”

Okay, she said, as she’s pressing buttons on her phone. “Need to pay me this much, tilac.” I looked at the digits on her phone. 180,000 baht. “You pay me for pay bar, then I can go to Koh Chang.” “No,” I said. “I’m not paying anything. I told you before if I’m your boyfriend, I don’t pay. I paid for the hotel already and the food. If you don’t want to come with me, that’s fine. I will go alone.” After my outburst, A suddenly changed her tune. She said, “No, tilac, it’s okay. You boyfriend me. You pay only 20,000 baht. Is it okay for you?” Then she said, “20,000 baht for bar, not for me. Just pay for food and tip me.” “Okay, that’s more realistic for 2 weeks,” I thought. So off we go. We had a fantastic trip. Felt like I was on a honeymoon every day. I was falling for A more and more and she was for me, apparently.

The Threats

Before I knew it, the holiday was up and we were heading back to Bangkok. “You come back for me again, tilac. You go home, save money, can marry me, take me to Scotland. Okay, tilac, I know butterfly. Come back for me.” “Of course,” I said. “Remember, it’s okay to dance and drink, but don’t go with customer. You have boyfriend now.” “No problem,” she said. “I wait for you.”

Sure. I smiled back at A and caught my flight back to Scotland. Sad and depressed back home and missing A, I scrimped and saved and booked another trip to Thailand the following year. Then the pandemic hit. We used to talk every other day. Then I lost interest. Sometimes I can’t be bothered because I eventually woke up and realized I am one of many. As the saying goes, it’s not your girl, just your turn.

I’ve realized I have been naive to think A was actually my girlfriend. Thinking about it, she must have had several guys like me coming to Thailand on holiday and thinking that she was their exclusive girlfriend. I finally told A that I knew what she was about and I didn’t want to have anything more to do with her.

She went absolutely crazy on the phone and told me if I come back to Thailand, she will have me done in or put in jail on some trumped up charge for a long time. Some Thai bar girls are really crazy. You have to be careful. I’ve now deleted her off my Facebook and other social media pages.

I’m planning another trip back to Thailand when everything is back to normal. My friend said that I am crazy because if she sees me, she will try to set me up somehow. I have told them I will go straight to Pattaya, not Bangkok, but they seem to think that all the bar girls are connected and she will find out where I am. I love Thailand and I’m not going to miss out on another trip just because of A’s threats. I’ll play it by ear, but I’ve now learned my lesson and I’m a much wiser man.