Finding Love in Chiang Rai: A Canadian’s Thai Romance
After a couple of weeks of being back home from Vietnam and realizing that my Vietnam adventure was more lust than love with the girl I spent time with I went back on Tinder with a paid subscription to match with girls.
No I’m not a drinker so I generally don’t go to bars which meant I never experienced the girl scene in Vietnam even though I was there for 3 weeks and was dating (unknowingly) a bar girl. With some experience under my belt I vetted the girls I matched with. I truly was searching for love not just for short-term aerobics. So I was asking about their work and their past, asking if they had children, their wants, their dating histories, and so on.
It wasn’t easy for me to choose among the girls I matched with in Singapore the Philippines Vietnam China Japan Thailand Malaysia Laos Cambodia and Indonesia but eventually I narrowed it down. I was thoroughly addicted to the beauty and culture of Asia thanks to the overall positive experience with my Vietnam village girl fantasy come to life. So I decided to focus my efforts on finding love in Southeast Asia again.
It turned out she was much younger than me 24 years younger in fact. I had to set my dating age preference from 26 to 52 so I was open to meeting love at almost any age but it was her youthful energy and sweet disposition that won me over. Let’s call her Flower. She is of Chinese descent but grew up in Chiang Rai living a comfortable life and her English was fair enough to communicate even though at times due to cultural or communication misunderstandings we had some difficulty getting to know our personalities and humor.
One thing I’ve noticed is because of communication barriers and cultural differences we Western men really do need to be careful with sarcasm and punchy humor. But I digress.
Eventually in late 2022 I made my way to Bangkok to meet her and visit Thailand for the first time. We spent the entire 3 weeks I was there together. She showed me the sights and the sounds of Bangkok Pattaya and Koh Samui. I loved it even more than Vietnam for various reasons but to each their own.
Exploring Pattaya and Bangkok with a New Girlfriend
I fell for her. Her smile alone can melt the sun. She was fun caring beautiful and the best hostess anybody could hope for. I was and still am in love. I also thoroughly enjoyed all of these areas of Thailand I visited the beaches in Koh Samui and the two hotels I stayed at were brilliant. The weather was the cherry on the cake so I could not complain.
Pattaya was certainly an unforgettable experience. We stayed at Pullman G and I recall writing this it was a nice hotel on the beach with all the amenities I require to have a five star hotel stay. The first night my girlfriend brought me to Walking Street which definitely was an eye opening experience. I am more of a reserved individual so I was honestly slightly uncomfortable being there especially with my new girlfriend on my arm. But she was obviously used to it and giggled at me. We stopped to have one drink in an open bar. Thankfully we were left alone to enjoy each other’s company as I soaked in the goings on. I can understand the reason why men go to these bars no need to say more here.
Another night we went into a disco bar called Lucifer. The music was thumping and something I’m not used to so we left quite early because we preferred quiet time with each other. I did enjoy my stay in Pattaya but I do wonder what it would be like staying there as a single man. I don’t believe it’s something on the cards for me to experience in this life and I’m okay with this.
We also stopped off at an elephant sanctuary where I got my first elephant ride with her. On our drive there from Bangkok we visited a floating market. We had lunch at a popular dim sum restaurant in a small town where I was the only Western person. Such lovely experiences.
Bangkok, what can I say? I was amazed with the public transit system in Bangkok the taste and quality of food that’s everywhere the low cost of everything the amenities of the modern high rise condo she lives in how friendly people were the markets the beauty of Buddhist temples how rich the culture is the beauty of the women and so much more. I have to stress these points again because I don’t do it justice in comparison to where I live in Canada. The sheer cleanliness of the MRT and the BTS stations and trains were amazing to me. I even felt safer than where I live so it boggles my mind why Canada would issue warnings to travel to Thailand. Perhaps I haven’t seen the other side of the tracks yet but never once did I feel unsafe or get scammed.
I guess partly because I was with a local showing me around so here’s a pro traveling tip for you to consider.
Why Bangkok Became a Favorite Place to Return
The options for traveling around Bangkok are also endless it seems subway trains river taxis Grab taxis buses bikes tuk tuks and whatever else I might be missing. I also felt healthier with the food I was eating and the sheer abundance and choices of food everywhere is really convenient for a big guy like me. The size and scope of the city dwarfs where I live a corner block is bigger than my city.
The only drawbacks are at least in Bangkok there should be a water filtration system in place and the air pollution at times can be annoying. The heat can also be overwhelming in the daytime but I’m personally okay with it.
Since that first trip back to Bangkok I’ve been back four times and plan on going again sometime in 2024 to ask my girl to marry me. I am now more experienced with the Thai culture lifestyle and expat living so I do also finally have a better understanding of the bar girl scene which isn’t for me.
My girl and I have had a bit of a bumpy road developing our long distance relationship but throughout it all we keep coming back to each other. Over the past 1½ years because of the bumpy road I also traveled back to Vietnam twice Singapore Chiang Mai Indonesia and Japan. I did meet a few free spirited girls while my girlfriend and I were on breaks but those can be stories saved for another time.
It’s always the same when somebody comes to Thailand isn’t it? You get this Thailand bug. Once you’ve been here once you don’t really want to go anywhere else. It’s always back to Thailand to carry on the adventure.
Returning to Pattaya While His Marriage Began to Unravel
I married an Australian lady in 1987 but my encounter and experience with Le from my first story continued to haunt me. It festered in my mind and probably contributed to the breakup of my marriage. We were married on a beautiful island. On the way back to Australia we stopped for a week in Thailand. Even though I was on my honeymoon and my wife was by all accounts a very beautiful woman memories of my relationship with Le came rushing back the minute I was on Thai soil. We traveled around Thailand. It was a wonderful experience but the sirens’ call of Pattaya never stopped calling.
Back in Australia my relationship with Lop and Pranee the two friends I introduced in my previous story continued to be close. They had purchased a Thai restaurant and were always busy but I visited them every chance I got.
I was into the second year of my marriage. I was undertaking a Bachelor of Science course majoring in biological science at university. I had managed to secure a working position in the department of genetics. I was a good student and my future seemed to be heading towards an academic profession. I was allowed to travel once to Thailand alone for 2 weeks to settle some business with Le‘s brother. Le‘s family was quite large his mother and four of his seven siblings all lived in Sattahip which is only around 70 km away from Pattaya. So under the pretext of visiting his family I could also secretly visit Pattaya.
Despite all the horror stories of scams and sponsorships I found the Thais to be extremely generous. They never let me pay for anything in restaurants they always insisted on picking up the bill. I visited Le‘s family in Sattahip and I stayed with them for about a week. They lived near the airport of Utapao. After settling the business in Sattahip I was free for a week to do as I pleased. After 3 years I had found a way back to my old playground.
Naturally my first point of call was the Goodwill Bar where I met Le three or four years previously. She was long gone but I met many other girls. Unlike the first time when I was a shy boy I had developed into a confident young man with no moral constraints. The demon that had been eating at me for years was unleashed. I was out of control and took full advantage of all the things that Pattaya had to offer.
One of the girls I met was named Wanna. She wasn’t the best looking girl but I was attracted to her pleasant manner and good humor. On the last day of my stay in Pattaya Wanna came up behind me and before I knew what was going on she gave me a giant hickey. It was very conspicuous and I didn’t like it. I knew I would be going back soon. I was returning to Australia in two days. I found myself in an embarrassing predicament. I tried concealing it with makeup but it was just too big and too red to hide.
The Love Bite That Exposed His Pattaya Visit
When I arrived in Sydney I was greeted by my wife and her father. I was carrying a small bag which I had awkwardly raised up to my neck to conceal my love bite. At one point I noticed that my wife was with her father. He tried to take the small bag which I was using to hide the mark but I refused to let go. It was a cringeworthy moment. After we had arrived home my wife noticed my neck. She broke down and wept. I felt awful and came up with a very unbelievable excuse that I had been pranked.
About a year after this trip I came home to find my wife appearing very sullen. She said she had something to tell me but she was worried that it might upset me. “What is it?” I asked. She said she had been invited to travel to Kenya by a friend but the invitation was only for her. At first I thought it a bad idea but then my devilish thoughts crept into my head. The demon that had possessed me had not been satisfied and surfaced once more.
That’s fine” I said to my wife “as long as I can go and see my friends in Thailand.” She naively agreed.
Again I headed to Pattaya to see if I could finally rid myself of the demon that had possessed me. During my first trip I met Wanna again but she was with another man. Wanna was a bit shy when I caught her with this man. She said to me in Thai that all I had to do was tell her that I was serious about her and she would leave him. I told her that she would be making a mistake if she did this.
A few days later I received a visit from this man and one of his friends. The friend was really fat and came along as an interpreter. They asked me whether I was interested in Wanna she had already told him that she had a boyfriend in Australia who might be coming back. I assured him he had nothing to worry about and I would not interfere with their relationship. For the next few days I bumped into them a couple of times in the bars and they even shouted me a beer on one occasion. Wanna would always put on a sad face every time she saw me but she was fair and accepted my decision. To be honest I had never promised her anything so I don’t understand why she had assumed that I would come back for her.
Seeing the Hardship Behind Pattaya’s Bar Scene
I could speak conversational Thai by now and I could understand a lot of what the bar girls were saying. Although my demon was still strong something had started to change. I could now see the bar girls a lot more clearly. Behind the veneer of laughter happy conversations fun and banter I began to detect a tragic undercurrent. I started seeing the desperation of these girls and the miserable state of their lives and I didn’t like it. They were poor girls with no education born into families that had placed so much responsibility on their shoulders abandoned by cheating Thai husbands many with children to look after. It depressed me.
By contrast I looked at the foreigners not all but most lustful cash rich but emotionally empty seeking a good time with little regard for the welfare of these girls. Many of them deluded themselves that they could save them from poverty by taking them back to their country but few had any knowledge of Thai culture and sensibilities. Many of them put me off with their childish behavior. A Pattaya girl once mockingly told me “When a Thai man gets old they behave like respectable old men. The farang on the other hand are like little boys in old men’s bodies.”
On one occasion I met a most intriguing girl in the bar. She seemed more educated and spoke very proper English. At the end of the night she said to me, “I’m going home as I haven’t been successful in finding a sponsor tonight.” It was the first time I had heard that term being used. I thought she was just using the word “sponsor” to avoid the word “client.” Not having anything to gain from me as I was already with someone else maybe it was the most truthful thing I’d heard a bar girl say.
There were some humorous moments too. On another occasion while at the bar there was a young European with whom I had started to talk. He wasn’t a bad looking guy medium height and blonde hair. I could tell he was a newbie. He started to tell me how the bar scene works and I patiently listened to him playing dumb. He acted like he had everything figured out. “You know,” he said, “you can have any woman you want here. You just need to pay the bar fine and she’s yours for the entire night for 500 baht. “Really?” I said, expressing astonishment. “We’re all like Tom Cruise in this place,” he added.
Meeting Oi After Her Breakup in Chiang Mai
Lieng Pranee’s brother was still playing gigs at hotels and one night while back in Bangkok a very cute girl came up to me and introduced herself as Oi. She was a fair skinned girl from Chiang Mai. The minute she saw Lieng approach me she ran to him and said “Does he have a girlfriend?” Lieng naturally said “Of course not” refraining from adding “but he has a wife.
That night Oi took me to her home. In due course I learned a lot about this girl. She had recently broken off from a long term Thai partner with whom she had lived for many years. The reason for the breakup was that she was from a poor family and he was from the middle class. Encouraged by his parents to find a partner that was more aligned to his social standing he had left her for a coworker. Oi was devastated and turned to drinking to the point of extreme inebriation every night. There was no doubt she was an alcoholic.
She had left Chiang Mai to come and live in Bangkok working in an expensive Japanese gentlemen’s club. Some of the stories she disclosed about her clients were bewildering. She told me it’s the girls that choose the men and not the other way around. If a girl doesn’t want a man to choose her she only has to turn her head away from his gaze or give him an unfriendly look. Oi with her fair skin was attractive by Japanese standards and was very selective about her clients.
My wife en route to Australia from Africa joined me for a couple of nights in Bangkok. But at this stage I was so embroiled in the seedy side of Bangkok and Pattaya that I couldn’t wait till she was on the plane. It made me feel so bad and I wondered why I had married her. After her departure I returned to Pattaya.
Soon after returning home my marriage collapsed. Surprisingly it wasn’t due to my infidelities that led to this but hers. She had developed feelings for her boss and had already started an affair. When I found out it was an awful breakup and I was really hurt but I also felt that I was an undeserving husband and was happy that she had met someone who would love her more than I could.
During the separation my life fell apart. I deferred university quit my job at the genetics department and was on a plane back to Thailand.
Living with Oi as Her Drinking and Money Problems Escalated
A few weeks before departing Oi had written to me and said that she had strong feelings for me and hoped that I would come back to her. She was now living in an apartment near a Lotus shopping mall. Oi hadn’t changed if anything she was drinking more than before. She would not sleep until she had consumed at least two bottles of Sang Thip (that horrible Thai whiskey infamous for its punishing hangovers) every night. She was paralytic.
Oi had an endless stream of friends mainly working girls that stayed consistently at our apartment. We didn’t get a moment’s privacy. Moreover she imposed upon me the financial burden of sustaining her alcohol consumption a strain quickly depleting my resources. My money was running out very quickly. Compounding matters Oi was facing pressure from the mamasan who was not happy about her relationship with the farang.
One day Oi said she needed to go to Chiang Mai to take care of some personal business. At first I said I didn’t want to go as I didn’t think much of Chiang Mai. I also felt that it would add more strain on my finances. Eventually Oi talked me into it. Naturally we brought one of her drinking friends along for the ride and as I guessed she stayed in the same room for the entire time.
After Oi had settled her matters she was ready to return to Bangkok. I had had enough of her. There was nothing romantic about our time together. She was either yapping with the constant visitors or drinking. I was just the convenient ATM machine. I told her that I liked Chiang Mai and I was going to stay a few more days. She said “Do as you please” and with that she was gone.
I had been to Chiang Mai once before but somehow had overlooked the incredible beauty of the city and the people. Maybe it was the contrast the dingy and squalid little room that I was confined to for the last couple of weeks which had led to this moment. I loved it particularly in the historic quarter which is contained within the fortress walls.
Finding Friendship and a New Start with Lars in Chiang Mai
I was now alone in Chiang Mai and decided to explore the city. Near the old gate there was a big open bar center with lots of open bars and it was here that my next set of adventures started. I met many people during this time and got along with just about everyone. As I was walking through the bar center one day a man with long blonde hair pointed at me. I looked at him in confusion and wondered why he was pointing at me.
“Remember me?” he said.
“No, I’ve never met you before in my life,” I said.
He had confused me for somebody else but we became inseparable after that. His name was Lars from Sweden. We had the wildest times but even though we were popular with the girls we never took any out of the bar. I was flirting with a young bar girl called Boon and I preferred spending innocent time with her. The separation from my wife was still playing on my mind. I was not in the mood for much more than talking and drinking. Interestingly Lars was also healing from a bad breakup another one of those fascinating coincidences.
Boon eventually asked me to come to her town in Nakhon Sakon. Never one to pass up such an opportunity I told Lars I would go for a week and then I would meet him on a pre arranged date at the Pink Panther bar in Patpong.
I traveled with Boon to Nakhon Sakon but my relationship with Boon remained platonic. I may have only been 26 but I thought that she was a little too young for me. She seemed very inexperienced and a couple of the older bar girls were concerned about her welfare particularly when they found out that she was traveling with me. But I wasn’t like that. A simple friendship suited me just fine. I stayed in a hotel in the middle of town whilst Boon stayed at her aunt’s house not too far from the town. Again that meant that many nights were free to do as I pleased.
A Hotel Room Scam and a Warning from a Norwegian Expat
One night I almost got into trouble with two local girls that I met in a dancing club. I was alone there were no foreigners in the club. A flirty girl approached me and we started talking. She was there with several other girls. One of the friends was a little wild girl who could move her belly like a belly dancer she was a live cracker. Their sole plan was to rob me after I had fallen asleep. I could tell that something was not right. I wasn’t feeling right and wanted to see what they were up to so I suggested I go out to get some more alcohol. They agreed. However I only pretended to go downstairs and had only planned to step out for a minute and then returned with the excuse that I had forgotten to take my wallet.
So I left the hotel room but I waited a little bit down the hall. A minute later one of them came out to see if the coast was clear. She saw me and ducked back inside. I went back and kicked both of them out.
It was in Sakon Nakhon that I got my first insight into the treachery of bar girls. I was sitting at a dinner alone when an elderly gentleman who looked like he was in his 70s approached me. We fell into a conversation and he told me his sad story. He was presently with an older Thai woman who he said had been treating him very well. He said he was from Norway and that due to his arthritis he liked to stay in Thailand.
Previously he had been with a younger bar girl. When he got back to his country she rang him and said that she was pregnant with his child. He being a fair man said he would come back to look after the child and the mother. He sold his house in Norway and sent every penny to his girl. On the day of the birth he came to the hospital. He said he took one look at the child and knew instantly that this child was not his. He subsequently lost everything and was presently surviving off a small pension from his country.
After saying goodbye to Boon I paid homage to Nakhon Phanom that hauntingly beautiful town that I’d fallen in love with on my first trip. It was as gorgeous as the first time I saw it. While there I became good friends with the manager of the hotel in which I was staying. She took a liking to me and became quite clingy again I wasn’t interested.
It was the time of Loy Krathong and we lit a krathong on the Mekong River. The candle went out shortly after the krathong drifted a few meters from the bank. She turned to me and said “I don’t think our relationship will last long.” I just smiled and thought to myself “What relationship?
Learning About Thai Funeral Customs in Nakhon Phanom
One night she invited me to a funeral. The husband of a friend had died. I wasn’t in the mood for somber events I needed cheering up not more depressing stuff. However my curiosity got the better of me. That night was one of the most fascinating nights of my life. You may recall that on my first visit to Nakhon Phanom I had briefly attended a very cheerful wedding. The mood of this funeral was the same. There was plenty of whiskey lots of food and good company. While the deceased was lying inside the house we sat outside on long tables drank and laughed for hours on end. The children of the deceased looked a bit sad and I felt sorry for them but I continued joking and laughing as though I was possessed by a jovial spirit.
At around 2:00 a.m. many people started leaving. My friend said that we should go. I started feeling a bit guilty. I felt I had acted wrongly during this sad occasion. I said to my friend “I think I owe your friend an apology as I don’t think I behaved properly with all my laughter and merriment.” She smiled. The wife of the deceased man said “Don’t worry this is normal in Thailand.” She said that she had thoroughly enjoyed my company and thanked me for making a merry occasion as her late husband would have enjoyed my company had he been alive. If I had acted that way in my culture I would have been referred to a psychiatrist.
I overstayed in Nakhon Phanom. The hotel manager insisted I stay longer but it was not because of her I stayed on because another staff member had caught my eye and it was due to her that I delayed my trip to Bangkok.
On the day I was meant to meet Lars at the Pink Panther in Patpong I was still in Nakhon Phanom. These were still the days of no mobiles no social media and communication was very difficult. Such a missed opportunity would almost certainly mean losing all contact with Lars. I asked the hotel manager how I could contact the Pink Panther bar. “No problem” she said. “I have some friends. I can get the telephone number and we can ring at the time of the appointment.” I realized at that moment that she was well connected with Patpong but I said nothing.
That night we rang the Pink Panther bar and I asked them if they could see a man with long blonde hair. “Sure” the girl answered. “He’s sitting right here.” And so I was able to tell Lars that I was delayed and we reorganized a new date.
Eventually I returned to Oi‘s apartment in Bangkok but our relationship was well and truly over. It was no more than a cool friendship. She had also realized I had run out of money so her interest in me was greatly diminished.
Running Out of Money and Travelling South with Lars
When I met Lars at the Pink Panther I told him I would be leaving for Australia in a few days as I had run out of money. He seemed disappointed and said “Look I don’t have a lot of money but I have enough for us to get down to Hua Hin and have a great time together.” I don’t know why but I agreed to go and thought I would spend some of the most impoverished times of my life they were also some of the most memorable.
From Bangkok we rolled down to Hua Hin on Lars‘s motorbike taking turns to drive. In Hua Hin we shared a single bedroom a single bed. Every day we ate a breakfast consisting of two eggs and bread. This was the only meal we had each day. In the evenings however we would drink non stop. The daily budget was 200 baht for food and accommodation and around 2000 baht on alcohol.
I met a girl called Ying at a bar and she became my girlfriend. We would sometimes slip away to the single bedroom while Lars was still drinking at the bar. She never asked me for money but expected me to treat her like her girlfriend. On one occasion she had fallen asleep on the bed. Lars came home unexpectedly and got into bed. He noticed that she was in bed cracked a smile turned his back and went to sleep.
Eventually it was time to go home. Lars rolled into the sunset and Ying walked me to the Hua Hin railway station. I had around 200 baht in my pocket which Lars had given me and no scheduled flight back home. Ying cried when I left. As bad as it may sound I never saw her again nor did I write to her.
Back in Bangkok I was in big trouble. I had absolutely no money and I was on standby for a flight back to Australia. I wasn’t sure when I would be able to return and I had no way of knowing how to survive in the meantime. I went back to stay with Oi. She told me she had a new boyfriend and I couldn’t stay with her. She still had some of my belongings out of her house and told me to pick these up and leave. I scolded her saying I’m the one that paid for her rent for a whole month the least she could do is let me sleep on the floor. She eventually relented.
I asked her if she could loan me some money but she said that she didn’t trust that I would repay her so she treated me with complete indifference. On one night she had aerobics with her Thai boyfriend while I lay awake on the floor with another girl I had invited into the room. The girl was mortified and looked at me with astonished disbelief. I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders.
Surviving on Noodles Before Flying Home
I borrowed a little money from Pranee‘s brother and waited until I could get a flight out. I ate noodles for 2 weeks. So much for that incident when I was almost sick at the sight of pig’s blood jelly in the noodle soup on my first trip I could have eaten anything to survive. Eventually I managed to book myself on a flight. I was down to my last 200 baht from the little I had borrowed which was the exact amount required for the airport tax. I made it back by the skin of my teeth.
And that was the end of my time in Thailand and my Thailand adventure.
Meeting Filipino Workers While Searching for Companionship
I reside in the USA and I’m now 62. I was divorced in 2016 and it took a year to get my head together and decide that I wanted to find a partner and have some fun in the process.
I tried Asian Cupid and maybe some other dating sites. I soon learned that many females online were clearly gold diggers and possibly simply using the website to amuse themselves without seeking to pursue anything. I also learned of the huge number of overseas Filipino workers who generally work three year contracts or more in Taiwan Japan or Korea developed countries. They are almost exclusively Filipino women. They work 5½ days a week and live in dormitories usually 6 to a room.
What attracted me to this group was that they tend to speak better English (since they interface with their host country bosses) live without family and since they’re cooped up in either a factory floor or dorm room they are definitely ready if you know what I mean when their online friend (me) arrives. I doubt many guys are aware of this but since I’ve been happily married for 5 years I wanted to share this.
I met a couple on Asian Cupid but the key was to get their Facebook info because chances are many or most of their friends or coworkers are likely to be very clean. I would chat and video call and if there were good vibes find out their days off. Two or three girls would have days off that would overlap and I would plan a week in Taipei. Some work in other towns but the high-speed rail makes it easy to reach them and just rent a nice room for that day.
I made two trips in 2017 and 2018 and met several really nice Filipinos who gave me the girl next door treatment. I never misled them they were lonely and I was kind and respectful. Very good times.
I also traveled to the Philippines. That’s a different story. I almost fell in love but remember the cliché that if you marry a Filipino you also marry her family. I know that’s true of all Asians and I decided a different route.
