How Thailand Changed My Life and Cost Me My Retirement in Pattaya
It took me 40 years to make enough money to finally be able to retire. Yet, it only took me 4 years for all that money to be gone. And I still don’t know how it actually happened because if I look back, I don’t feel like I spent a lot of money. I know how that might look or what people might think about me. I bet there’s going to be more than one person calling me stupid or idiotic or insane or whatever else they may want to call me. I don’t see it that way. I just see myself as a guy who got caught up in a life that I wasn’t equipped to handle.
Before I tell you what happened and how everything went so drastically wrong, “https://talesbeyondhorizons.com/thailand-stories/”>Thailand made me feel like a different person. Thailand made me feel like I was who I was, yet a more refined version of that, a more successful version of that, a more outgoing and excitable version of that. That’s why I like to think that what happened to me wasn’t actually caused by me at all. It was caused by the Thailand version of myself. Because in Thailand, I was somebody altogether different than I was prior to going there. I did things that I would never have done before. Often doing things the exact opposite of how I used to do them, not knowing the damage that I was causing, and not knowing I was digging a hole so deep that once I’d finished digging it, there was simply no way to climb back out and escape.
Thailand turns the best of us into shadows of our better selves. Thailand makes us do things we’d never do, feel things we’d never feel, and think we are someone we’re not. I hope by listening to my story and understanding it for what it is, that it will help other people to not make the same mistakes I made or fall into the same traps that I fell into. Because I can promise you, it’s no way to live in old age.
Thinking back to every single extra shift I put in at work, every single time I stayed late at the office for that little bit of extra money, then coming to the realization that all of it was for nothing. All of it building towards a life that I lived. Yes. Yet that life became a life I can no longer live. As of now, I’m in a state of constant despair. Thailand changed me, but I didn’t know it had changed me until I was already in way over my head.
The First Trip 2011
Thailand to me started out as just any other place I was going on holiday. This was back in 2011 and it was just a holiday that I was going on with my then wife and two kids. We had a fantastic time. I loved a lot about the country. But back then it wasn’t a place I thought about living. It wasn’t a place I thought would become a big part of my life. In a way, if I look back at that time, I feel like the seeds of Thailand were firmly planted in my head, but they just hadn’t had a chance to grow.
I got married very young to my ex. She was my first girlfriend. I was her first boyfriend. I mean, that’s what we told each other until about 10 years later. She dropped the bombshell that I wasn’t her first boyfriend. I wasn’t even her eighth boyfriend, more like her 10th. Although I felt extremely betrayed because it felt like my life was built on a lie, like my life was built on a false understanding of who my wife was, I wasn’t about to get divorced and tear apart my family. She was the one that decided to get divorced and tear apart the family 2 years after our Thailand holiday.
Whether it was that seed that had been planted in my head all of a sudden being awoken in a way that many people would describe as being subconscious, I don’t actually know. Because while it took me time to get over the divorce, to get over losing a lot of the work and the time I put in throughout my life, earning for the relationship, not to mention the money lost, losing custody of the kids. I felt this deep down urge to just leave home for a month, get my head straight, and think about what I was going to do.
This was 2013. My kids were still not of an age where they were able to leave home, so I wasn’t thinking about leaving for good. I just needed to reset. I needed to unwind. And when I was thinking about where to go, I thought about lots of different places. I was very fortunate that throughout my life, I had done a lot of traveling. I’ve been to 35 countries and while lots of thoughts were passing through my head, Thailand was front and center. I can’t say why Thailand was front and center. What was it about Thailand when I went with my family that was so good? I don’t know. I would be getting excited about thinking about going to Japan or to India, two countries I also loved. I thought I loved them more than Thailand, but I still found myself booking to go to Thailand. To this day, I still don’t know why I did that. I can’t put my finger on it. I really can’t.
But about 3 months after getting divorced, after settling in to this very different life that I wasn’t expecting to ever have to live, I was flying alone to Thailand just to reset and think about what the future held. It felt very strange to be boarding the plane alone. I hadn’t done solo traveling before, and I kind of expected my ex wife to just show up out of nowhere and park herself next to me. But of course, that wasn’t going to happen. I even felt a small sense of guilt that I was going alone and my kids weren’t going with me. But because she had custody of the kids, I wasn’t yet ready to get into that kind of fight to try to take them away on holiday with me.
Thailand Divorce and a Return to Thailand
I had no plans for Thailand other than just to enjoy myself a whole month as well. I’d never taken that long out of work before, but I knew I needed time to reset. I left the house where I was renting. And for whatever reason it was, the thought of that house was front and center of my mind as the plane took off, thinking to myself, after all this time, how is it that I’m not even living in my own house anymore?
I wasn’t too bad off financially given the fact that ever since I’d been with my ex wife, we bought a very nice house when we were young that luckily by the time we got divorced was worth a lot of money. It was that combination of actually thinking long and hard about the situation with the house we sold, leading me to think about the situation with the house I was renting and how it felt like it was such a trap. The further I got away from home, as the plane got up to cruising altitude, it felt like I was flying towards freedom, flying towards opportunity, towards excitement, leaving behind this rigid, purpose built structure designed to trap people in the machine of modern life.
I was never a guy who thought like this before. I was always somebody who thought that if you went to school, studied hard, went to university, and got a good degree, you’d be able to get a job which would pay for a great life. That was how I was brought up. And that’s how it was for my generation. If you just did these little things, you would come out on top. Witnessing what was happening back then with my kids and understanding that they are going to school, doing what they’re told, and doing a good job of it. Yet, by the time they go to university and get their degree and look for a job, the disconnect between what they would earn and what would be available to them would be so different to how it was for me growing up.
The reason this is so important is because that’s when I started to understand Thailand. It felt like Thailand was set up for people who didn’t want to be a cog in the machine. For the people who didn’t want to be sheep blindly doing what they were told, blindly following what everybody else was doing. The problem was, even though they’re following along and doing exactly what they’re told to do, there’s no guarantee that they’re even going to be able to own their own house in the future. That was the first point when I felt a change in myself. At least the first change I can directly link to Thailand.
I just felt this new lease on life come over me. Excited to get to Thailand, excited to experience new things, excited to have a fantastic time. Yet at the same time, I was excited to think about how I was going to escape from the regime which tells you to do something a particular way without offering anything in return as to why you should be doing it in the first place. Amazing. But that was what Thailand did to me before I’d even arrived for the second time.
I was 53 years old when I arrived in Thailand and I had no idea what the next decade of my life would be like. If I did know, I wouldn’t have even left the airport. I would have got the next plane straight home. I had no plans whatsoever for the month I was going to be in Thailand. I booked into a hotel in Bangkok just for two nights so I could get my bearings and then from there it was my plan to take each day as it came. I can promise you one thing. Not having plans is the best plan in the world. I was so used to rigidity, so used to structure, but being open to whatever I felt like doing on any particular day was life changing.
The First Night Out
I stayed in a really nice hotel for those first two nights. It was right next to the Asok BTS station. Not the same side as Terminal 21, but the other side. If I think about it now, it was the perfect introduction to Thailand. I’d never stayed in such opulence before, not because of budget, but because value for money had always been important to me. But now I wanted to enjoy Thailand in style and treat myself after all those years of diligently doing what I was told.
I remember checking in and the staff being so friendly. The girl who checked me in was beautiful, and I knew that many people went to Thailand for the girls. Seeing her made me understand why. You have to understand that when I went with my ex originally, I never even looked at the girls. I was never someone whose eyes strayed outside my marriage. I noticed a few women at home for the first time since getting divorced. But it was in Thailand where I felt a much stronger attraction to the girls there. I’m not wanting to be offensive towards Western women because that’s simply not who I am and this is only my personal opinion and people are free to disagree with me. I felt in Thailand the girls were a lot more feminine on average than women back at home. Of course, there are levels to this and it’s a very broad statement, but I am talking about as an average.
The reason I talked about her was because when I was on the way to the hotel, I wasn’t really thinking about the girls in Thailand. I was just thinking about myself. I saw her and then I started thinking that perhaps I could meet someone. Nothing serious, but maybe just spend a week with someone and have a holiday romance in Thailand and live a little because that’s what I was there for. After checking in, I went up to my room, dropped off my bags, and I had a fantastic room quite high up, and the view out over Bangkok was one of the best views I’d ever seen. I was never a big city kind of person, not because I didn’t like them, but just because that’s not how my life unfolded. Now, I started feeling like I could be a big city person.
What does anybody do when they’re in Thailand for the first time? I call it my first time because I was single. I had the whole day to kill. I wasn’t about to sleep early, even though I was tired after the flight. Looking out of the window at this sprawl of concrete that was Bangkok, knowing that I could do anything I wanted to do, it was quite hard to actually come to a decision as to what I was going to do. I decided to go for some lunch and a few drinks, and a few hours later, I’d had one too many drinks. I was never a big drinker and I was never someone who ever let his hair down. I didn’t know I was like that. I didn’t know I was that sort of person. I didn’t know that I never relaxed or had a good time or partied because I didn’t know what that even meant.
That day, I think, was the first time I ever let go of all my inhibitions. The first time I just lived without worrying what anybody would think about me, without worrying that I was doing something wrong. By evening, already more drunk than I’d ever been for such a long time, I stumbled into a little bar about halfway up Sukhumvit Soi 11. You probably know which one I’m talking about because there aren’t many bars on that street one of the chains. I stumbled in and ordered a drink, and all of a sudden, I could see a link between my old life and my new life. Not that I knew it at the time, but I was going to be living a very different life soon.
The First Solo Month in Thailand
When a girl came and said hi to me, I could hardly understand what she was saying. But when that happened, it felt like there was no turning back. Before long, I had three girls sitting next to me, each one drinking a drink that had been added to my tab. That was my first time in a bar in Thailand, at least one that was set up that way. And I didn’t even know that the drinks the girls were having were charged more than my drink. This is what they call a lady drink in Thailand where a girl that works in the bar comes over and in exchange for talking you buy her a drink and she gets a commission on every drink she gets. Things can progress from there. Perhaps you might leave the bar or perhaps it might have just been drinks. If I’d have known that those lady drinks were priced more than mine, I would have probably only bought drinks for one girl, not three.
By the time each of those girls was on their fifth drink, and I was on my fifth drink, plus everything else I’d already drunk that day, I wasn’t very compos mentis. I did have my eye on one of the girls I was talking to, because she just seemed like a dream. I don’t remember how it happened, but I remember the hangover in the morning. Remember not being alone in the morning, and thinking I must have had a fantastic time. It was only then, in the morning, that I found out how much I’d spent at the bar the previous night. It totaled over 10,000 baht, so I must have had a good time.
The girl who was with me appeared to have had quite a bad hangover, too. And although I was up and showered and ready to go and have breakfast and start the day, I had to wake her up and I felt so awkward not knowing what was meant to happen now. Ultimately, she left and I was alone again. All of a sudden, the only thing that mattered was Thailand because there was no way I could have been able to do something like that at home or even come close to doing something like that at home. Although I was never a big spender, I was willing to make exceptions when exceptions needed to be made. Going into a bar, meeting the girls, drinking, having a good time those were exceptions I was prepared to make. And I didn’t consider that part of actually spending because it was just living life.
When I arrived in Thailand, this was after the divorce was settled and the money was split and everything was already arranged. I had approximately three quarters of a million pounds. I still had a job to go back to, which I expected to continue doing well into the future. Although I hadn’t thought about living in Thailand at this moment in time, or quitting my job at this moment in time, as the days of my holiday went by from Bangkok to Pattaya, back to Bangkok, and then back to Pattaya again, because I couldn’t pick which place I liked most each day was pointing towards the fact that with what I had, with what Thailand could give, it made absolutely no sense whatsoever for me to continue working anymore. For a start, I didn’t need to. But most importantly, if I was working, I wouldn’t be in Thailand.
When that month came to an end, I didn’t spend more than a day with a girl. Even though I did have plans to maybe do a week, I was completely sold on living a new life. And I was adamant that this is what I needed to do with my life. Although I had so many wonderful experiences and I was coming closer to this decision as my time in Thailand came to an end, it was on one of my last nights there which I think pushed me beyond thinking about it to believing I needed to do it as soon as possible.
Leaving Thailand With a New Life Plan
I was in another bar down in Pattaya and I met a girl there who I would have to call “different” because there’s no other word to describe her. She was different from the other girls that I’d met so far. All the other girls, I would say, were pretty much very similar when it came to the things they said, the way they talked about things, their opinions, and what they seem to be doing. She was completely different. Although I did meet her in a bar, I looked at the situation quite differently than many guys would. I thought she was there as a stepping stone to a better life. Although I was leaving soon, I got her contact information and vowed to keep in touch with her. No commitments, no plans, no “we’re going to change what we’re doing for each other.” But let’s just continue speaking and keep in touch and see if what happens with my life or with her life gets to a point where I may see her again. Nothing serious. And I wasn’t going to be a sponsor sending money or anything.
While the seeds of Thailand were planted in my mind the first time I went with my ex, now I’m planting other seeds in the country of Thailand things that would give me something to think about back at home. Things that would draw me back a lot quicker than I expected. Making decisions quicker than I expected and doing things before the time was right. That month in Thailand changed me as a person. That’s how many people would describe it, but I probably wouldn’t. I would say that in Thailand, I was a different version of myself. Just like I said earlier, it wasn’t that I was a different person. It was that in Thailand, I felt different. I thought things that at home I would never have thought acceptable, yet in Thailand they were. Thailand made me feel like I had been playing a rigged game all my life, and I wanted out.
I left Thailand feeling like I’d unlocked a secret level to who I was and to my life. Yet, as soon as I arrived back in England, those feelings fizzled and faded away almost as soon as I arrived. I was thinking about Thailand and wanting to be in Thailand. Yet it was like when I’m at home there’s something holding on to me as if to say you’re not allowed to enjoy yourself. You have to conform even if you no longer need to conform. It was a very strange situation because on the one hand in Thailand I understood that I’m at retirement age based on how much money I’ve got and what I have is enough money to see me out for the rest of my life living an incredible time. On the other hand, I’m back at home. I go back to work and while I didn’t want to be going to work, it was like I couldn’t pull myself out of it.
It was a whole year of just getting back into that life that got in the way of what I thought I was meant to be doing. My youngest turned 16 during that year, and he took everything I’d said about life and how things change and how it’s more difficult to get ahead by working a normal job than it used to be. I think he took that to heart. I’m very proud of where he is today. Leaving school at 16, starting his own thing. He built something great. Because he didn’t want to continue with higher education, I thought that I wouldn’t go back to Thailand for another visit, not expecting to go back into feeling like I felt the first time I was there alone, just going for some fun. It’s like in England, I forgot what’s possible. There are glimpses of what’s possible from time to time coming to your mind and remembering things, but you sort of tell yourself, “No, this isn’t real life. It isn’t possible.”
Going again, I was excited, but I wasn’t expecting to start from where I left off the last time. I should say that that girl I exchanged contact information with, I did speak to her a few times, but after I’d been back for a month, she asked me for some money, and I thought that was not something I was going to do. I said to her, “No way.” Funny really because she only asked for 10,000 baht. I was so guarded about that 10,000 baht. Yet what ended up happening to me made me understand that while at home I’m sensible, logical, and I’m not going to waste money, yet in Thailand I’m the exact opposite of that.
2014 Back to Thailand
2014, back in Thailand, this time only for 2 weeks because I didn’t want a full month off work. Almost as soon as I got back to Thailand, I remembered how I felt the time before. I remembered exactly what Thailand did to me. I looked back at that whole year I’d been slaving away in the office, not necessarily for anything more than what I already had. Because although I might have put a bit of extra savings away, they weren’t worth a year of my life. I went straight to Pattaya and the first bar I went in was the bar where I met that girl before, just to see if she was still working there because we hadn’t talked for about 10 months. I remember thinking perhaps her asking for 10,000 baht was serious and genuine. Again, as soon as I’m in Thailand, it’s like why didn’t I just give her that 10,000 baht? At home, I thought there’s absolutely no hope in hell of me doing that. But in Thailand, money just didn’t matter the same, and being sensible didn’t matter the same.
Sure enough, my first night in Pattaya, I arrived at her bar, and she was there, and she recognized me straight away. The first thing she said was, “I’m so sorry about the money. I had some problems and I didn’t know who to ask. I’m really sorry and I feel so bad that I did ask.” That was the first thing she said. Because I was in such a good mood by being back in Thailand and back where I felt like I could be who I always thought I was, I just told her not to worry about it. We had a few drinks, left the bar, went for something to eat, and she kind of stayed with me for the next few days. She kept talking about how sorry she was, how she wished she didn’t ask for money. But again, I’m trying to tell her not to worry about it. But it made me understand that I need to be in Thailand to be the happy version of myself, to be the easygoing version of myself, to be the version of myself that isn’t such a stingy guy who doesn’t respect anything.
I think I perhaps overcompensated. If I have to point to any moment in time where I started on my actual decline, it would be this. Because although I didn’t feel like I was in love with her, or like I wanted to spend a long time with her, I felt very upset about how I had just shrugged her off in her moment of need. Based on everything she’d done since I’d met her this time, and the fact that I didn’t really see a future with her, in a moment of sheer madness, I said, “I don’t think we can be something, but I want to give you 100,000 baht just to help you on your way to finding your happiness.” A couple of thousand quid just gone just like that. It felt so amazing, though, to be that guy who made a material difference in somebody else’s life. Perhaps looking back, she didn’t love me or care about me, but she will remember me as the guy who gave her that money. Perhaps memories will come to her mind when she’s with somebody else and I will always be there in the background. It was that feeling that made me come alive like I was the big man, the big shot, the guy that everybody wanted to be around. It’s crazy to think about and to talk about, I know, because at home I was the exact opposite of this.
After I’d given her that money and we’d parted ways, I just lived it up around Pattaya for a few more days, Bangkok for a whole week, and I probably spent 15,000 quid during those two weeks. It didn’t matter because I was in Thailand, and money didn’t mean the same as it meant at home. I made the decision, though, that I had to quit my job. I had to move to Thailand and I had to make sure that when I got home I didn’t fall back into my old life. I can safely say that I most definitely did not fall back into my old way of life when I got back home.
I should have taken my time and thought about things more carefully, but the flip side to that would have been convincing myself to stay at home. That would have been so much better for me. I do know that. But at the time, it felt like a fate worse than death. I had planned everything. I had everything ready. And I just had no idea that I, as a person, would do the things that I did not too far in the future.
Returning Home With Less Money
When I got back home, it was on a Thursday morning and it happened quickly. I flew into London where I got the train 3 hours north to my town. And it was like the train dropped me off at the station and without thinking about anything else, I walked for about 10 minutes from the train station to the office where I worked and I handed in my notice right there and then. They tried to get me to change my mind, but I still felt like I was in Thailand mode, and I didn’t want to get out of that mode even for a second. So, that was it. I quit my job on the spot, and then it was a case of feeling like I was already set up to be able to go to Thailand when I wanted to go, which was as soon as possible. No hint of a lie, I was flying back to Thailand 5 weeks after I returned home.
In terms of savings, I had about £720,000. That hurts when I say that out loud. £720,000. What sort of idiot would blow through that? Well, that’s not really a question I should be asking because I would. I just didn’t think I would. The place I wanted to live more than anywhere else was Pattaya. I loved it there. It was the best place in the world for anything. And all my plan was was just to live a normal retired life. I didn’t expect to get carried away. Didn’t expect to do the things I did. I just expected to live a normal life.
If I go back to what I talked about where money didn’t feel the same in Thailand. I’ve heard people talk about something like this before. You could have £1,000 at home and that feels like a lot of money. The equivalent in Thailand, it doesn’t feel like a lot. Spending 1,000 baht was so much easier for me than spending the equivalent amount at home. I would never just think nothing about spending 20 quid at home, even though it was the same amount of money. 20 quid felt like real money. 1,000 baht felt like play money there to be used for fun and entertainment.
Living in Pattaya
When I finally arrived in Pattaya as a new retiree, I felt like the world was my oyster. For my first few weeks in Pattaya, I wanted to get out of my system everything that I felt I needed to get out of my system. Because based on the time I was there last and how I knew I could get quite carried away if I wasn’t careful, one thing that I did know was that I had to separate the party side of Pattaya and the real life side of Pattaya. As even back then, I’d already heard about how many people fell victim to the endless supply of fun that was on offer there. I stayed in a hotel for the first two weeks and true to my word, I was out every night going mad. But I was loving it. The thing is when I was doing this, I felt like I had an unlimited amount of money. I felt like my money was never going to run out because when you see such a lot of money there in pounds, it feels so safe and so secure. Yet, as soon as you change, for example, £10,000 into baht, that baht all of a sudden doesn’t feel like it’s real money anymore. It feels like it’s already been spent as soon as you exchange it into baht. I think that’s why I was going as hard as I was.
I knew I needed to find somewhere to live. I knew that was going to be very important. So, I spent about a week after those first two weeks kind of doing a combination of partying but also sensible everyday things. I looked around at a number of rental units. And even though I had what I felt was a great amount of money, after I’d looked at three or four of these units priced around 15,000 baht a month, it quickly became clear to me that while people say Thailand is very cheap in terms of renting somewhere, this only usually was accurate because the places that were cheap were a lot smaller than the sorts of places that I was used to living in. The last place I rented back at home after the divorce, if I wanted something exactly the same size with exactly the same facilities, for example, a bathtub in the bathroom, an oven in the kitchen, a proper hob basically the sort of place I was used to living in this was considerably more expensive to rent.
I made a decision early on that instead of renting, I would buy somewhere instead. I didn’t want to be spending 30 to 40,000 baht a month on rent. It just felt like throwing money away and I didn’t want to live in the sorts of places that people described as cheap because they were described as cheap for a reason. About a month later, the mistake was made. While still living in the same hotel, still living in half party mode and half real life mode, I’d already bought myself a condo. It was around £250,000. A beautiful unit, the sort of place I would be happy living in for the rest of my life. Great view, great location, great common facilities and features. It was big enough where you could actually live a proper life there without feeling the need to go out all the time because there’s nothing for you to do at home. I very much regret buying that condo. But in the moment, I was so happy with my new life and my new situation that I felt buying this would make my time in Thailand even better.
Moving into that condo was like one of the biggest wins of my life. It was even nicer than the house I used to share with my ex wife. Granted, it wasn’t as big, but it was done to such a high standard. The fact that it belonged to me outright, no bills to pay every month apart from the common fees, I really felt like I’d made the right decision by doing it. Unfortunately, as is often the case, you only learn later that the decision made was actually a shockingly bad one. Not even talking about the ultimate bad decision. I’m talking about coming to the understanding a couple of months after moving in that this new building had been bought heavily by people wanting to rent the units out on Airbnb. I was woken up one morning with a very noisy suitcase being dragged along the corridor outside my unit. I’d seen people milling around the lobby multiple times. I’d seen many people coming and going all the time. But then you start hearing people on your floor coming and going at all different hours of the day and night. Noisy in the common areas. And you understand that in Thailand there’s a complete disregard for the rules. Technically Airbnb isn’t allowed in Thailand, but nobody seemed to care. I always felt from that moment on that the rules in Thailand aren’t really there for any other reason apart from to make examples of people they want to make examples out of if they ever feel like doing it, because nothing happened to anybody for renting their units out on Airbnb. It was one of those things I had to accept grudgingly. Aside from that, living there was great.
From that moment on, you could say money just went out of the door far quicker than it should have done, and I didn’t recognize what was going on until it was already too late. For the next year, I didn’t get into a serious relationship. I didn’t settle down. I didn’t transition into a retired life like I was hoping or expecting. I was just going completely insane. Looking back at how insane I went, it’s very embarrassing to admit. I was always finding excuses that would allow me to go out at night. For example, when I moved into the condo that night, I needed to go out to celebrate moving in. The following day comes and I need to go back out because I was speaking to a girl that I wanted to speak to again. The following day, a friend that I met asked if I wanted to go and have a few beers with him. So, I do that. We part ways at 8:00 p.m. and I head to the bars again to talk to the girls. There was always a reason why I was out. Always a reason why I was spending considerable amounts more money than I should.
Spending Money Around Pattaya
If I say over the next year I spent approximately £150,000 around Pattaya, many people would shake their heads saying that’s simply impossible. Unfortunately, entertainment in Thailand can get very expensive if you’re indulging at the levels that I was indulging at. Mistake after mistake was being made by me in my new retirement.
If I paint a picture of what a typical day might be like one where I spent more than other days this wasn’t an everyday thing, but I would wake up at a normal time. Maybe read the news, go for a bit of a walk, and have a cheap lunch. So far, I probably haven’t even spent 200 baht, and the day is getting off to a good start. Then 3 or 4 p.m. comes and I head to have a few beers by myself in a bar where girls don’t work just to ease my way into the day. Perhaps I only spent 200 baht there again. Then again, the budget isn’t being blown. It’s when evening comes around and you go into a bar where the girls work when aside from your own drinks, you’re buying drinks for the girl that you might want to talk to the most. But maybe two or three or even more of her friends are having drinks, but they’re all having five or six drinks each, plus games of pool.
That adds up to quite a lot of money. Then I’m already drunk by this point. I’m in the mood for a delicious meal. There are a few great steak houses around Pattaya, and steak was what I wanted to eat when I was in the mood. That’s a couple of thousand baht there, probably a bit more. Then it’s repeating the bar experience that you had before the steak one more time, and that’s multiple thousands more. Then perhaps you like a girl and end the night with her. No hint of a lie. Some nights I spent £1,000. Well, I suppose every little thing that you were doing was cheap. When it all added together, it wasn’t cheap at all. I think that’s the illusion of Thailand that many people aren’t aware of. The whole thing really is an illusion because, okay, you might be in a bar. If you only speak to one girl, buy her a few drinks, go out to eat a nice cheap meal with her, and whatever else comes after, okay, that’s not too much. If you’re going to the extreme, if you want to be that guy, like I thought I was, like I thought I needed to be, you can go wild.
I was too happy with how things were going, too content with my new life. Looking in the bank at how many pounds I’ve got, thinking it’s fine, I’ve got more than enough money to last forever. Then looking at the money I’ve transferred into Thailand, which is in baht, and not seeing it and valuing it in the same way as I did pounds, and just blowing through it like it was nothing. The only reason I was able to get out of this, at least for a little bit of time, was because after that year, my two kids were coming to visit. And I wasn’t going to be one of those sorts of dads who would take them around the bars of Pattaya. Because although I’d seen other guys doing that with their sons, I wasn’t about to do that. I suppose that was when I had my first chance to look at what had happened when I wasn’t really paying attention, when I was just spending money like there was no tomorrow. At that moment in time, that’s when I realized I only had about 320 grand left. It still felt like a lot, but even still, what was I doing? I was going wild, but I just didn’t know I was.
The thing that allowed me to take a step back, as I said, both my kids came, and I didn’t want to be drunk when they arrived, so I took myself away from Pattaya for a few weeks, heading a bit south to Rayong, just chilling by the beach, trying not to drink too much, and snapping back into a more normal frame of mind. That was when I got a little bit more concerned about the fact I’d spent as much money as I had. But I always managed to convince myself that a big chunk of that money was in the condo and if I ever wanted to sell it again, I could get that money back. Even if I had to lose a bit on it, I did know that there was money there.
Those two weeks I spent in Rayong made me understand just how cheap Thailand can be if you’re not indulging in that very particular thing that many people go to Thailand for. If you’re just staying in a cheap hotel, going to eat normal food in a normal restaurant that’s not high end Western, you can get by very well, even in holiday mode for 60 or 70 quid a day, which is quite a lot less than the £1,000 I was spending some days back in Pattaya.
Rayong and Time With the Children
A few days before my kids were going to arrive, I headed up to Bangkok, and I was treating them to their time in Thailand, which was something I promised them. My eldest was already well on his way. My youngest building what he was building at the time, still not successful yet, so I wanted to treat them. When they arrived, it was amazing to be able to show them Bangkok. I felt like I was an old hand, like I knew what I was talking about, like Thailand was mine, and I was the one who was responsible for describing it to my kids, who I felt somehow weren’t able to fully grasp what Thailand was about, unless I gave them the accurate explanations that they needed to have.
My kids were not interested in the bars where the girls worked, but my eldest wanted to go for a look, so I begrudgingly went with them, and it just wasn’t their scene. Not their scene at all. I tried to show them that it wasn’t really my scene either by pretending I wasn’t enjoying it, saying it’s one of those Thailand things you can have a look at, but it’s not something that you do regularly.
It was great seeing my kids. Didn’t spend too much money when they were there. But one thing that I did agree to because my eldest was doing quite well but struggling to get a deposit together for a house I just felt like I wanted to help. I gave him a deposit for a house and felt it only right to give a deposit for a house for my other kid as well. They had 25 grand each out of me, which I know I should have saved for retirement, but my kids had to come first. So although their trip cost me about 5 grand, it also cost me another 50 grand based on what I helped them with. But as I talk about this, that was the most sensible amount of money I spent during my whole time in Thailand. That was the only thing that I could class as being not a mistake because if I’m being truthful, that’s the only thing that I can look at and say, “At least it’s still there,” out of everything else. I suppose we’ll get to that very soon.
After my kids left, I guess that means I’m down to less than 270 grand, but it still felt like a fortune. I don’t think I realized at the time the sort of tricks that Thailand actually plays on you because there are extreme tricks that you simply don’t understand while you’re living them. I had the huge problem, as I’ve already talked about, differentiating pounds and baht. Pounds was money. Baht could just be spent because it didn’t feel the same. You see, for example, when I went to Rayong, how cheap Thailand can be. You can spend fractions of an amount of money and still have a good time because it’s cheap. I don’t know if it’s just me or if it’s anybody else, but because most things are so cheap, when you’re spending a lot of money on something, you convince yourself that everything else is cheap, so this must be cheap. Okay, it might be £1,000.
And I would never spend £1,000 doing something like that. But £45,000 yeah, I’ll spend that. That’s nothing. It’s just lunacy where my mind was at the time because I don’t know. On the one hand, I’m a sensible, logical guy who worked his life, saved up good money, got divorced, and still nearly had a million quid. I stepped in to help my kids so they could get on the property ladder at home, and they’re in fantastic positions today because of that. Yet, there was a disconnect between the reality of what Thailand was and what I thought Thailand was. What I should have done is go back to Pattaya, settle into a normal life, and just be sensible. And I could have been, but I didn’t. I went back, hit the bars straight, hard again, and before I knew it, 3 months had passed, and I’d blown through a load more money. Then it’s a question of coming up with a solution to this problem to try and fix what I’m doing. But how do I fix a problem when I don’t know what else can make me as happy as this? This is what I wanted to do. So, how do I continue it sensibly?
It’s very difficult to talk about, but after I’d blown through yet more money, I decided I had to leave Pattaya for a bit and I went up to “https://talesbeyondhorizons.com/thailand-guides/”>Chiang Mai right up in the north just to get my head back in the game. How many times had I tried to get my head back in the game at this time? More times than I care to admit, but Chiang Mai was where I was meant to be getting my head back in the game. Things were still salvageable, and every time I felt worried about something, I’d always point to the condo and think, “I can sell that if I need to. Don’t worry.”
Chiang Mai and a New Girl
When I arrived in Chiang Mai, I immediately felt an affinity to the city like I wasn’t expecting. It was nothing like Pattaya or Bangkok or anywhere else I’d been in Thailand before. And it felt like the sort of place where you could really relax and reset. And basically, it should be the sort of place that could help me do what I was there to do. They still had the nightlife area in Chiang Mai, although it was very small. A road called Loi Kroh Road and a little boxing stadium that they had with a number of bars around there. Aside from that, there wasn’t any other nightlife like that. In a way, it was so much more intimate than the scene in Pattaya. The girls didn’t seem as forward or as abrasive, but I wasn’t really there for that. I mean, I was going to go to the bars, but I was there more for relaxation, to get my head out of that kind of life.
I rented a cheap motorcycle for 150 baht a day on my third or fourth day there and just spent time going out of the city. And that’s when Thailand really became something a lot more for me than it was because the natural wonder around Chiang Mai, the beautiful scenery, it was like nowhere else. I learned about a motorcycle trip that many people went on called the Mae Hong Son Loop and I thought I might actually want to try that. I was going to the bars while I was planning this and I actually met a girl who stood out to me more than any other girl that I’d met in Pattaya before. Like I said, nowhere near as abrasive or as uncouth or as money focused or greedy. Just felt like a much calmer version. Basically what I was looking for, and she was wonderful. I met her in one of the bars in the boxing stadium. We went out for a nice meal at a restaurant along the street. We spent the night. Then I just asked her if she’d like to go on that motorcycle trip with me. She said yes. I rented a big bike. And we were setting off the same day. I wasn’t really giving her any money. It just seemed like she wanted company, like she wanted to meet someone. And we spent a week on the road together. I wouldn’t say I was falling for her or if I fell in love with her. But I had a wonderful time going to Pai and Mae Hong Son and just learning more about the country of Thailand and getting my head out of party mode into a more sensible mode.
By the time we returned from that trip, we spent more time together. But I actually decided I was going to leave for a week and go up to Chiang Rai, which was a little further north again, just to spend a bit of time by myself. When I did that, I was thinking about her. I went back to Chiang Mai, spent more time with her, and I felt like what we had could be something, although I wasn’t about to do anything crazy yet or ask her to go to Pattaya with me. I did decide that I would go back to Pattaya and just see how I felt about her as the time went by. Because she was so different to the girls I’d seen before in Pattaya. This is why I was thinking this. She was 35, so you probably wouldn’t even call her a girl. She was from one of the hill tribes around Chiang Mai. Very beautiful. And I don’t know what it was about her. Perhaps the fact she didn’t ask for any money apart from just little bits because she wasn’t working. Perhaps it was just because it was different to anything I’d seen before. And it was that difference that attracted me. I don’t know.
I returned to Pattaya, feeling a new sense of invigoration, a new sense of excitement, and a new sense of comfort that retirement is going to work out after all. I thought I would spend a month without her just to see how things went, knowing full well that yes, she would be working back in the bar, but so what? I’d be going to the bars at the same time anyway, so it didn’t bother me. For the first few weeks we were speaking, I was spending less time in the bars, spending a lot less money, often just happy to be sitting, watching a film, chatting to her on the phone. That was good enough for me, and I was planning my next trip to Chiang Mai.
A few days before I was due to go back, she sprung something on me, and how I reacted to that would be what made things even worse for me than they already were becoming. This is where everything started to go wrong, even more wrong. Go wrong very, very fast, too. I did some stupid things. I mean, I really did. A few days before I was due to go to Chiang Mai, she said she had a family emergency and she needed some help, so I stepped in to help. I didn’t think anything of helping her by giving her 100,000 baht. I then went up to Chiang Mai and everything seemed good between us for a week or two and I’m thinking about asking her to go to Pattaya with me. Then another emergency, another 100,000 baht. It wasn’t like she was making things up. There was proof. There were real genuine problems. But even still, I’m handing this money over because it just felt good to be able to step in and be that guy.
Money and a New Relationship
What happened then over the next few months was back and forth to Pattaya and seeing her in Chiang Mai, giving her money left, right, and center because I felt something for her that felt so real. Giving her money made me feel like she owed me something. And the more I gave to her, the more extreme what she owed me would be. When I’m not with her, I’m going wild in the bars as well. And the thing is, I’m spending so much more money in the bars. That’s why I’m able to justify giving money to her because even though it’s a lot, I’m trying to tell myself if I can get in good with her, it’s still so much cheaper than I spend all the time when I’m out. Because I like to ring the bell in the bars. I like to buy drinks for multiple girls. I just couldn’t help it. Even though I’m blowing through I think my worst week was about £10,000. I’m getting to the point where I think our relationship is getting a lot stronger, a lot better, and it’s costing me money. Yes, but eventually we’re going to be together.
It was going to be, I think, my fifth trip up to Chiang Mai where I was going to ask her, “Let’s move in. Let’s live together.” I’d already given her so much money that I thought it was going to be a given. When I asked her and she said she didn’t want to move to Pattaya and I said, “What about if I live in Chiang Mai?” And she said, “No, I don’t really want to live with you. I like you, but let’s just be friends.” That’s when I felt so depressed because I didn’t want to lose all that money I’d put into it. And I felt like if I was still with her, I wouldn’t have lost that money. I know that’s crazy and it doesn’t work like that, but that’s how I thought. Instead of just writing it off and thinking, “You don’t need anyone. Stick to yourself and everything will be good,” I went wild again after that relationship ended.
The Final Collapse
Before long, given how crazy I’d been and how much money I’d spent, I started thinking that I needed to sell my condo. I put my condo up for sale and hoped it would sell and convinced myself that I can continue doing what I was doing because when it did sell, that would be when I finally settled down. I felt devastated by what had happened with that girl in Chiang Mai. I felt like it was going to be something real and I just needed to drown out my sorrows. When the condo sells, that’s when I’ll calm down. I’m trying to get out what happened here because it’s too painful to talk about at any real length. But because the condo was now for sale, I was good with being crazy and spending money that I shouldn’t have been spending at the rate I was spending it.
What happened from then until everything went wrong stretched out over, I would guess, approximately the next two and a bit years. I continued going wild for the first few weeks after I understood I wasn’t going to be with that girl from Chiang Mai. I was continuously trying to call her and get her to change her mind, hoping she would, but she never did. That made it even worse. And I was drinking more than I should have been, going even crazier than I should have been, spending even more money than I should have been, just telling myself when the condo sells, everything will be okay.
The problem is the condo isn’t selling. And I put the price down. Doesn’t sell again. And I put the price down again. It got to the point when it was listed at 70% of what I paid for it, and it still wasn’t selling. My money is running very, very thin at this moment because I’m just being stupid and I can’t control myself. Eventually, the condo did sell for 62% of what I paid for it just in the nick of time. Because if I didn’t sell it, I would have run out of money and that would have been it. Instead, though, of doing what I should have done looking at where I was and how bad the situation was and coming up with a solution that could have salvaged some form of retirement that wouldn’t have been anywhere close to the retirement I should have had, but it would have still been doable because I lost so much money in the condo, because I was at this point fully dependent on drink and bar girls, I kept going hard.
Around this time, I think my kids sensed that something was going on and they came to visit me. And how they describe it now, because it’s been a while since that happened, was like I was unrecognizable. I was combative. I was unsociable. I was distant. I wasn’t the same person that I always was. They tried to help me. They tried to get me to see sense. They tried to get me to come home when I probably could have bought a cheap place to live. But I wasn’t hearing it. I didn’t want to hear it. If I could do anything, it would be to go back in time and listen to them. But we can’t go back in time.
Eventually, all the money was gone. All of it. And that’s when it became apparent what I’d done. But I could no longer go for a drink to make myself feel better, no longer continue what I was doing. It’s like I’d been attacked from multiple angles all at once. And I was having self destructive thoughts, which is very embarrassing to talk about. Ultimately, though, my kids stepped in to help. They got me back home. My youngest put me up in his place, the one I’d helped him out with the deposit on. And while it took a very long time to feel normal again and feel right again, when I did feel right, the fact that both my kids stepped in and paid back the money I gave them for the deposit on their places to help me get back on my feet just goes to show that that was the only money that I spent. It was actually something I should have spent. They helped me in my moment of need. They helped me get back on my feet.
When the Money Was Gone
It’s been a long road since then. Many ups and many downs. But the thing is, what happened to me I saw happening to other guys that were in Thailand at the same time. So many people go to Thailand and spend so much money, not understanding what they’re doing, not understanding that they’re being crazy, not understanding that they’re ruining their own lives. There are guys probably in Thailand right now, a couple of thousand pounds away from complete devastation. The thing is, they don’t know they’re so close to devastation till it’s already too late. Maybe they do. Deep down, I think I knew I was close to devastation. I just didn’t want to admit that I was, because that would have been very terrifying to have to admit.
Hundreds and hundreds of thousands of pounds I spent across approximately 4 years. Lost a load of money on the condo, probably 100 grand on that. It would have sold for more if I could have waited, but I couldn’t. My craziest week was probably £10,000 spent. Like I said, not all weeks were like that. Sometimes I spent a lot less. And while most of the time I didn’t want to be doing this, 1% of me was able to convince the 99% of me at a very specific time when I had very specific feelings that doing what I wanted to do wasn’t going to cause me any problems. It was that 1% of me that caused all the problems in the first place. The Thailand version of myself. If you are that way inclined like I am and self control doesn’t come naturally, I would say avoid Thailand at all costs because if you don’t, you could end up like me and I can promise you it’s not worth it.
