Thai Wife Hides a Thai Marriage from Her Western Husband

I believed I was fully prepared before tying the knot with my now Thai wife, but obviously not. My story shows you why you need to be fully certain that you know the woman you are going to marry and why you should not take the chance even if you are doubtful in the slightest.

The Rush to Marriage

My Thai wife and I kind of rushed things, and now I’m in a position that has left me pretty unsure about what the future holds.

I first crossed paths with my wife in Pattaya, where I was enjoying an easygoing life. I wasn’t actually looking for anything serious; I was in Pattaya for the same reason 99% of men are there. So, first things first, yes, I met her in a bar, and that’s how our relationship started. Just lady drinks and bar fines, but then somehow it developed into something more.

I know it’s not a great start to the story, and I know it’s an unwritten rule about not getting into a relationship with a girl you meet in a bar, but here I am. We started dating when she wasn’t going to work. She would spend the evenings at my place, and it slowly turned into a relationship. Relationships can happen with bar girls. I know most do not work, but sometimes there is a success story in there.

At the time of meeting my wife, she was 23, and I was 45, so yeah, a pretty big age gap, but not something I was ashamed of.

The Relationship Develops

I wouldn’t call myself an old hand at Thailand, but I’ve spent roughly three months each year exploring the country over the past seven years, and I’d always settle in Pattaya for some time before work called me back home. Every trip, I would end up extending my visa and staying there for as long as I could before I had to go back home.

Thailand had been the only destination that I really cared about after my first visit. I admit it has changed a lot over the years, especially after the worldwide lockdown, but it’s still a fantastic country and worth visiting.

Every time I went home, my wife and I would keep in touch with each other until I finally agreed to pay her out of the bar and paid her salary for about six months while she worked another job. I knew eventually I would have to pay her out of the bar; I just didn’t want to do it straight away until we got pretty serious, and I knew that I wanted to try to make something work with her.

Even after all my time in Thailand, keeping up with other stories, getting close to my wife’s family, and being with her for nearly two years before we married last year, none of it could’ve prepared me for what she said one afternoon just a few months back.

I’m still in shock, completely blindsided. I feel betrayed, like the love I poured into my wife meant nothing. That trust I had? Gone. Just like that. I’ve been fighting to get those feelings back, but no matter how hard I try, it’s just not happening.

The Move to My Country

Up until this point, everything had been going to plan and how I wanted it to go. We were happy, and she seemed happy with her new life, settling into it better than I had imagined.

On my last trip to Thailand, I spent the whole time with my wife, but business called me back home, and I wouldn’t have been able to return to Thailand for maybe another year after that. Obviously, we didn’t want to wait a year to see each other again, so we discussed and agreed that we would try to get her to my country.

The easiest way for her to come with me was on a tourist visa. Since we’d already been sharing a life together in Thailand for so long, thankfully the paperwork didn’t take long to sort out. We had all the pictures and videos together, multiple chat logs, and proof of trips together, so her visa was accepted fairly quickly.

The plan was not to stay in my country long term. I wanted to sort out business and then we both make the move back to Thailand together. But as you know, life loves to throw you hurdles, and the guy who was running things back home quit, which meant I had to remain there for the time being and put the move back to Thailand off.

My wife and I spoke about it, and I told her that there was no chance I could go back to Thailand anytime soon, but if she wanted to return and wait for me, then I fully understood because I know how it feels to be homesick.

I would be able to travel to Thailand every now and again but for no longer than just a few days, so we would still be able to see each other, though it wouldn’t have been ideal. Luckily, she seemed to love it where we were, and she’d rather stay here than go back to Thailand.

Settling Into My Country

I was happy enough to have her stay with me. I’d rather her be here than going back to Pattaya and the only chance I had to talk to her was over video call.

The Marriage Decision

We looked at all the visa options for her to be able to stay here, and the marriage visa seemed like the only and best option at the time. Truth be told, I had not thought about marriage, and we hadn’t even discussed it together previously, but I wasn’t totally against the idea.

However, I did not want to be in one of those relationships where the couple gets married for the simple reason they need a visa. I wanted it to be something we both actually wanted, and the visa would be a bonus.

We had a real heart-to-heart talk about what this marriage would actually mean. I laid everything out to her, both the pros and cons that could come up in the future. We also had to think about kids (I had one from my last relationship, and so did she), the cultural side of things, and, most importantly to me, making sure my personal and business assets stayed protected.

The Binding Financial Agreement

I’ve been through marriage and divorce before. My ex wife almost broke me; she did her very best to take everything from me. In the end, it cost me nearly 80% of everything I owned. I’m not exaggerating. She was literally the devil in disguise. She stopped at nothing to try and get every single last penny out of me. That was a horrible experience. Luckily, she only broke me financially and not mentally.

That’s why this time, I wasn’t getting married without a binding financial agreement. It holds up way better in court than a standard prenup. With a prenup, there’s a chance a lawyer can get around certain parts of it, and you’re left with less than what you’re entitled to.

This agreement is simple: What’s mine stays mine, what’s hers stays hers. If an asset gains or loses value, that’s on the owner. Anything new we buy goes under the name of whoever paid for it. No gray areas. This agreement protected me more than her, since most of what we had was mine. If you’re thinking about marriage, take my advice: get this sorted first.

The Financial Arrangement

She also made it clear that while she had been working in Pattaya, she had been sending money home to her family, who had been taking care of her child. She wouldn’t be able to work legally in my country straight away, so I knew that responsibility would fall on me. Luckily, she only asked for 10,000 THB a month to send back home something I could easily pay, so I agreed.

I asked her if there was anything else I should know before doing all this, as marriage is a big step. I asked about previous boyfriends, any sponsors she may have now, and also about family. She swore that she had told me everything and wasn’t hiding a thing. I believed her.

The Wedding

So, after we laid everything out to each other and made it very clear with no doubt in each other’s minds what marriage would mean, we went ahead and agreed to go through with it. We jumped through all the hoops back-and-forth flights to Thailand, piles of visa paperwork and finally tied the knot early last year.

We had a small Thai wedding at her place in Isaan. Well, I say small, but it was actually packed with people, 90% of them I had never met before. I did pay a sinsod; it wasn’t as much as some of the other stories on here only around 50,000 Thai baht. I could live with that amount. I’ve heard that some men have been expected to pay into the millions when it comes to a sinsod. I would have to think twice if I was asked to pay that amount.

After the Thai wedding, we went back home and had a proper wedding with my friends and family. It was actually pretty perfect, and that day, I was the happiest man in the world. All my friends and family were happy for me, despite a couple of joking remarks from my friends about our age difference and her being Thai. Everything went the way it should have.

Life Together

Our new life together took off right away, and even though I was worried about how she would feel living here, she actually fit in pretty well almost as if she had always lived here. I was scared she would get homesick and would want to visit Thailand every now and again, but she never even mentioned it. She seemed happy, and as for me, I was also very happy.

Life and culture back in Thailand are completely different from my country, but she adapted to it nicely and had no problems fitting in. Although she already spoke a decent amount of English, she still picked up my native language fairly quickly and would spend a lot of the day practicing.

She also got a job within the first week of her being allowed to legally work here, which was good because, up until then, she was relying on me financially not that I’m complaining about that. I knew what I was getting myself into. All in all, she seemed very happy here. Everyone loved her, and our relationship had no issues to complain about. Life was good.

She eventually started making a close group of friends, mainly other Thai women who had married and come over here the same as her. I hadn’t noticed it before meeting my wife, but there seems to be quite a big Thai community here, mainly Thai women. One woman, in particular, had been living here for around 10 years. She and my wife became quite close and would often spend time together, going out in their spare time.

It was with her that my wife shared her secret with the one that has blown our whole relationship apart.

The Bombshell

My wife would go to her about anything and everything. One day, she told her that she is already married to a Thai man in Isaan (her child’s dad), and they were still technically together but he knew about me and our marriage. It was only a Thai wedding, as legally nothing showed up while we were getting married and doing the visas, but still, it’s a big deal for me.

When she told her friend about this, her friend was shocked to realize that I had no clue about this other man and that she had told me they broke up once her child was born. Her friend knew this was serious and told her straight that she had to tell me otherwise, I was going to find out sooner or later, and by then, it might be too late to fix.

So, a few months back, my wife hit me with the “I need to tell you something” line, and by the tone of her voice, I knew it was bad.

She said, “I am still married in Thailand to my child’s dad, but I have been trying to break up with him for years.”

I was gobsmacked by this. I literally had no idea she was married, and it never even crossed my mind that she was keeping something from me. Maybe at the time, I was just blindsided by love and had been naive, trusting everything she said but here I was, in this awful position.

I just stared at her and said, “I trusted you to tell me about everything before we got married. Why did you lie about it?”

Questions About Her Thai Marriage

She went on to say that this guy wouldn’t let her go, and even though she had been trying to escape him for years, he still always finds a way back into her life. Back when we first laid everything out, she told me her child’s dad was a violent man, so she left him but she told me that she had never gotten married to him. She never mentioned once that after they broke up, he came back into her life. I don’t even know if it’s true that they broke up at any point.

When I asked why she didn’t tell me first, she said because she was worried I wouldn’t want to marry her.

I then asked where he is now, and it turns out that he is the one her child lives with. So, the money I’ve been sending to her so-called family has been going to him instead. Talk about adding insult to injury.

I told her that now was the time to tell me anything and everything else that I don’t know: any secrets, any other men, any other kids just anything. She claims that’s the only secret she has and that she kept it to herself because she didn’t want to mess up our relationship.

The Aftermath

I now feel like I’ve been set up because he knows about me, and he allowed her to go and marry me. Could this have been both of their plan all along to get money from me? Could they have both set this up to eventually rinse as much money from me as possible, send it back to Thailand, and then, when the time is right, she hits me with a divorce and lives happily ever after with her Thai man?

Now, she won’t even talk about it. Just shuts it down. No discussion. Nothing. Every time I ask about something that relates to it, she tells me she has told me everything and has nothing more to say.

Two or three weeks after she told me this, her kid suddenly ends up in the hospital, and there’s a bill to pay. I completely refused to pay any of it. She couldn’t prove to me there was a bill, and there was no chance I was sending any money to her other husband. I don’t care if they’re still together or not, he’s not getting any more money from me.

I do want to be the good husband and help her family out, especially her kid, but I’m not going to be taken advantage of, especially when I don’t know the full truth about what’s been going on. Why should I have to be the one paying for her kid when he’s not even mine and lives with his father? He should be the one taking care of him, not me.

When I told her that I wouldn’t be paying, she flew into a rage, telling me I’m a bad man and never cared for her and that this other man had nothing to do with her. Basically, she was repeating her lies that she’s already been caught in while adding some manipulation tactics to make me feel like the bad guy.

I know most guys say this in a relationship, but I really haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve always tried to be a good person and show her that I care, always gave her what she wanted, and I never cheated on her.

Money and Trust After the Revelation

I later found out she had another bank account that she didn’t tell me about. I know that’s not very serious, but it’s all little secrets like this that make me think maybe I’ve made the wrong choice here. Just stupid little white lies and secrets all add up to something bigger and add to the problems we’re already facing.

To be honest, I don’t think she understands the seriousness of the situation and what it means for our relationship and future. I think she thinks this is something I can just push aside and we carry on as if nothing happened, but that’s not the type of person I am. It’s hard to carry on as normal when all trust has been lost.

My head has been a complete mess since finding out about her secret life. I had to take a couple of weeks off work to get my head straight because it was all over the place.

She promises me that she is only in contact with him because of their son together and that she has no feelings for him whatsoever. That’s easy to say now, but if that was true, then she should have told me before we got married. It’s not like I would’ve been against her being in contact with him for their child.

I’ve never heard her talk about him; I’ve never heard her on the phone to him so she must have been in contact with him secretly, away from me. Again, adding to my suspicion that there’s more to the story than what she’s telling me. I feel that she is only telling me what I want to hear and not being completely honest about everything in her life back home.

Advice from a Friend

One of my best friends lives in Thailand and has a Thai wife. I called them for advice about the whole situation and what I should do.

He’s been married to his Thai wife for about 10 years, and she flat out said to me, “Get rid of her. All the secrets are going to keep piling up, and the fact that she didn’t tell you about her previous marriage she thinks it’s still ongoing, and she will go back to him eventually.”

If a Thai woman says something like that against another Thai woman, then you know it’s serious.

My friend’s Thai wife said she is playing what they call the “long game” and probably has more farangs on the go than me, each one of them believing they’re in a relationship with her and sending her money. She claims that’s why she had a secret bank account it was for the other foreigners, as there’s no need to keep a bank account secret.

Where We Stand Now

I really wish she had told me about this other man before we got married because I probably still would’ve gone through with our marriage. But the fact that she lied about it and kept it a secret, I can’t just shake that.

If she’s lied about him, what else could she be lying about and keeping from me? Does she have more kids? Are there other men? Does she secretly have other guys here? It never once crossed my mind that she would be cheating on me here, but after all this has come out, I feel anything is possible. All my trust for her has gone just like that. And I’m sure many of you know, when you lose trust for someone, it’s very hard to get it back.

Last week, after weeks of awkward silence and treading on eggshells around each other, she told me that she had to go back to Thailand to take care of a few things with her kid and sort out the mess with the other guy. Whether that means finally fully breaking it off with him or discussing a future plan against me now that this one isn’t going to work anymore I don’t know.

I didn’t even try to stop her from going back to Thailand for a bit. I think that’s best for both of us. I can’t take being around her as much as she can’t take being around me. I’m not sure how long she’ll be gone for or even if she’ll ever return to me. I don’t know, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know either.

I do love her, and I did really want a future with her. I’ve had the time of my life since meeting her, but I can’t put myself through another marriage that ended badly.

Even before we got married, the two years I was with her, I never really doubted her even if she was a bar girl. Things between us were instantly good. We got into a relationship early on after meeting each other. Maybe we rushed it a bit, but again, I trusted her and thought this would work.

Deciding Whether to Divorce

If I’m honest, I would rather we get a divorce now and she goes back to him than drag this on and waste my time on a fantasy that this will work. If she has been lying and really is in a relationship with another man, and this was all a setup, then fine, I’ll call myself stupid and move on with my life. But she could at least tell me so I can work on moving on.

My heart is torn apart; it’s in a wasteland. I feel totally taken advantage of and feel like I’ve just wasted a couple of years of my life.

I really do not know what the future holds now, but if I had to guess, then it would be a divorce and move on with life.

The Only Silver Lining

The only thing I’m very glad about is that I took financial responsibility when we got married, so I know she can’t take anything from me. I guess, in reality, I’m just back to where I started. The only money I’ve really lost is paying her out of the bar when we first met, the money I sent to her family each month (which I now know has been sent to her other husband), and just stuff for the house, which I would have bought anyway. All in all, I haven’t been financially broken like some of the stories you hear. I’ve just lost a lot of time, confidence, and trust.

Final Advice

I think the main reason I’m sharing my story here is because I want people to know how extremely important a prenup is and not to easily trust the woman you’re about to marry. Make sure you know her inside out even if it means finding things out about her from others. Then, and only then, should you decide if you should take the next step.

Right now, she is still in Thailand, and I’m still here. We’re keeping in contact and calling each other, but it’s a lot less than it was before. I’ve seen her son and family when we’ve video called, so I know she must have gone back to him at some point.

We’ve both asked each other what we want in the future. She claims that she married me because she loves me; she just made a mistake by keeping secrets. She said that she wants at least two more months in Thailand so she can sort everything out and fix everything, and then wants to return to me.

I just don’t know if I can ever trust her again now. And without trust, there is nothing.