Pattaya Stories: Taxi Trouble, a Vietnam Veteran and the Wrong Bar
An Instruction Manual on What NOT to Do in Pattaya
This is an instruction manual on what not to do on a trip to Pattaya. Viewers will cringe when they hear what I did.
I was going through a divorce and so desperately needed some R&R. I had been to Pattaya once before with a previous Thai girlfriend I met in Australia. The Thai girlfriend and I split up or so I thought (more on this later). So I thought to myself divorce nearly done Thai girlfriend gone time to go to Pattaya and have a good time.
A nine hour flight from Sydney Australia and here I was in Bangkok. First mistake didn’t get a pink or yellow and green taxi to Pattaya downstairs on the first floor. I was approached by a number of touts but managed to ward them off as they asked for 3000 baht for the trip. Luckily for me a Pattaya regular took pity on me and said “Get a taxi downstairs.” To which the tout replied “Okay I will take you to Pattaya for 2000 baht.” I confirmed again with him that all I would pay is 2000 baht and he agreed.
We then walked to the multi story car park. I knew something wasn’t right but my fears were relieved somewhat when a gleaming new minivan pulled up being driven by a beautiful Thai girl who could speak perfect English. Another warning sign missed. I should have run then and there. I got in the van and thought “Things are looking up I couldn’t believe my luck.” Then a few minutes later her mobile phone starts ringing. Her English changed to Thai all of a sudden. I’m being told “Pattaya a long way you need to change car.” The van then starts heading down all these side streets into a grubby part of town.
Oh no I thought how could I have been so naive? Now I’m going to get robbed and wake up with one less kidney. Then the van pulled into a car park full of dodgy looking cars driven by equally looking dodgy characters. I was told to get out of the van and go into a clapped out old Volvo with some Indian guy. I protested but was quickly surrounded by a lot of these characters and I thought I’d better shut up for now. Then the tout cutie says “You have to pay 800 extra.” “No I don’t. The guy told me 2000. Call him and check” I replied. She apparently calls him and then says “No he said you have to pay 2800.” I protest again and I realize I’m being ripped off.
And then she says “You have to pay 800 or I have to pay him 800.” Stupid me completely naive again feel sorry for the girl so I pay the 800. What an idiot. I can’t believe that I was so stupid and was conned so easily. This was only my third visit to Thailand. We have all made the same mistakes I’m sure. But my ordeal doesn’t end there I still have two more occasions to be ripped off yet.
Trouble With a Driver
Finally the car starts to move and boy am I glad to finally get out and away from that place. The drive to Pattaya is uneventful except the driver takes back roads that I’ve never seen before and comes into Pattaya from the back. “Where’s the beach?” I think. Then my heart starts racing again I’m going to be robbed another kidney etc. So I start to freak out remembering all the stories from “Banged Up Abroad” (a TV series from back home). I tell the guy to stop the car now. He does and lo and behold right outside the VC Hotel not far from Walking Street. Silly me of course doesn’t realize that I’m so close to Beach Road that I should have been able to smell the cheap perfume from there and I wonder where the hell I am.
The driver says that he will get a good price for me at this hotel. Conned again come in spinner. I accept the deal as I just want to get out of the car. But needless to say I’ve probably just paid for his kids’ last three years at high school with this deal. I checked into my room not bad. “Would sir like to be upgraded for an extra 300 baht?” Yes so I would like to be conned again that’d probably have paid for his kids’ dental work too.
I go for a walk and I finally manage to find Beach Road things are improving. Walking along minding my own business this beautiful girl starts smiling at me. “What you doing?” I ask. “Waiting for you” she replies. She said “I go over the go with you.” “Go where?” I said stupidly not believing my luck. “Your room can drink together.” After a bit of small talk we went back to my hotel for drinks. Once again being so naive I couldn’t find my way back to the hotel after hopping on two baht buses (those pickup trucks with the two rows of seats that you hop on and off for 10 baht a trip). Completely frustrated by this time I just end up getting a taxi and end up paying 100 baht and of course no meter. Ripped off again.
But I didn’t care as I just wanted some nice female company.
No stopping at the front desk to pay a joiner fee or show ID card. Luckily for me this girl was legit or I would have been in trouble again. I was later to find out that paying the joiner fee is a good investment as protection for both of you and the girl she is watched over by hotel staff in case you are some kind of nut job who wants to hurt her. Anyway she was great company and we ended up getting drunk together in my room.
I called the girl a number of times and we met and had fun together around the bars. My new Beach Road girlfriend asks “How come you know some Thai?” I told her that I used to have a Thai girlfriend in Australia. “No problem” she says. “I’d be your girlfriend now.” I thought to myself “Thank you to my ex wife for the divorce.” But all good things must come to an end and reluctantly I had to head back to Sydney and finalize the divorce and the usual mundane exercise of going to work to make money and pay it to my ex wife.
Jealousy and Trouble
On arrival in Sydney my ex Thai girlfriend calls. “Where are you? I need to see you.” I said “But haven’t we broken up?” “No” she says. “Why would you think that?” I said “No reason just that we haven’t seen each other for months after our disagreement and you moved out.” Anyway as I still liked her I was happy to get back with her. A few days later she drove from where she lived in the country to my house. She surprised me when I came home from work as she still had a key. She surprised me all right. She decided to unpack my bag from Thailand and when you know it she found Beach Road girlfriend’s number.
Of course she rang it. “Hello who are you?” Beach Road girlfriend says. “I am Dave’s girlfriend” real Thai girlfriend says. “But hasn’t he got a Thai girlfriend in Australia?” “No that girl not good lady I am girlfriend now” says Beach Road girlfriend. I had no idea this was going on till I get a call from my Beach Road girlfriend. “I just had a call from a very nice Thai lady in Australia who is going to help me be your girlfriend.” I was mortified. I knew my Australian Thai girlfriend was incredibly jealous and would be in for it when I got home.
She yelled and screamed and made a hell of a scene. After she cooled down she demanded to see photos of this girl. I said there weren’t any photos but there were. Thankfully I had hidden them. Then she demanded that I get a new camera “You cannot take photos of me with the same camera that you used for the other girl.” “What photos? There aren’t any photos” I said.
A few days later I thought I’d better get those hidden photos and destroy them. I waited until my Australian Thai girlfriend had a shower. I looked and looked for the photos but couldn’t find them they were nowhere to be found. Girlfriend gets out of the shower and surprises me. “What you’re looking for?” “Nothing” I say sheepishly. Next day same thing when girlfriend hits the shower I start looking for the photos. Sprung again. “Looking for something?” The gig was up so I came clean. “Yes the photos” I said. Girlfriend said “Yes there were photos and I saw them. That girl is younger and prettier than me. So jealous. Photos are gone I cut them up and put them in all different bins around the street. You will never find them again.
But it didn’t end there. She rang the Beach Road girlfriend and said “Don’t ever call my boyfriend again or I will come to Pattaya to see you.” After a few weeks I thought things had calmed down until I get out of the shower and find my Australian girlfriend on my phone to the Beach Road girlfriend saying “How come you answer phone? I told you not to talk to my boyfriend again. I ring on his phone to see if you answer you shouldn’t answer.
The moral of this story is don’t ever write down a Thai girl’s number and bring it home with you and also don’t take photos of other Thais unless you have a Grade 10 secure wall safe.
More Travel Lessons
The good news to this story is that I got married to this Australian Thai girlfriend after my divorce was finalized and we have been happily married now for many years. Even to this day she occasionally says “I still have her number and I will call her again.” And that’s it basically.
The Vietnam Vet Who Lost His Leg — But Not in the War
“Hi Peter, this story got to me and actually involves a guy called Mike from America who was about 70 years old and a Vietnam War veteran.” I was fed up with the bar scene in Bangkok. I was sitting at a bar one morning about 11:00 a.m. on Sukhumvit Soi 21, having a single beer, and noticed the old guy across the road sitting alone having a beer too. I went over and said hi to him and started chatting. He was a lovely man and he spoke softly, and told me he was married to a Thai lady just around the corner and she ran a laundry shop. I was glad to meet a new friend.
He then went into the Vietnam War stories and was very interesting. I then noticed he had a false leg, and as he was telling me the story, I could only imagine that he lost his leg in the war. I could not get a word in as he was in full flow with the war stories. Eventually I got a word in and asked, “So, you lost the leg in the war?” He replied, “Hell no. Last year I was out for a walk just on Sukhumvit Road and a motorbike crashed into me.” After surviving the war and getting on with life, this happened. I could only laugh so much, and he laughed too. Of course, there was no compensation ever.
I continued to visit him most early mornings as he sat outside his wife’s shop on his favorite chair having a coffee. I would sit and chat to him, and he told me all about the girls, the fun he now just likes to watch the world go by. I visited him quite a few more times, and then I had to go back to China. I returned to Soi 21 about three months later and called to see him. I was sad to see the empty chair outside the shop and asked about him, only to find out he had passed away.
After this and all the bad stuff that had happened to me in the past, I prefer to go to Thailand and make friends with older expats and hear their stories. So many stories out there. Tell this one only if you think it’s okay. I will do the other stories later. P.S. This was about four years ago. I also thought Soi 21 was a much quieter soi to chill out on.
The Wrong Bar The Wrong Beer And The Wrong Lady
This story was about me and a few of my friends on Walking Street, Pattaya. One of my friends has very poor eyesight without his glasses. And my other friend is hilarious.
I arranged to meet them at a bar on Walking Street. I walked in about 10 00 p.m. and noticed both of them, but each at a different bar. My best friend was talking to a lady at one bar. He seemed to be getting on well with her, but she said she was busy that evening.
As he got up and walked away from the bar, he turned to wave at this young lady, then fell over a pool table which was behind him. The customers and bar girls all had a great time watching his performance. He came to sit with me, flustered, but no worse for wear.
We noticed our other friend, the one with bad eyesight, sitting at another bar. So we moved to a bar a couple of bars down from where he was sitting. After a short while, he came to sit with us and said, “Hi guys, how you doing?” Then he said to the waitress at this bar, “Where has my drink gone?”
The Missing Beer Confusion
She replied, “You haven’t bought a drink.”
He said, “I’ve been sat here for an hour and just went to the toilet. When I came back, my beer had disappeared.” Then he said to us, “That woman a few seats down didn’t waste much time chatting with another man.”
You can guess what he had done. He’d gone to the toilet, came back to the wrong bar, then complained he was being hard done by. I had to go back to the other bar and pay his bar bill. He’s a bit older than us, so no worries.
Just a short funny story from a night out in Thailand, but obviously you had to be there to see the funny side of things.
