Living the Dream In Thailand Or So I Thought

I’ve been living in Thailand for about 3 years now. I moved just when things opened up again, and so far I’m very happy with the decision I made to move here. I have come to some realizations that I’m not happy about. Perhaps I had some very strong preconceived notions about how certain things were going to be in Thailand. Maybe I misinterpreted what people were saying about Thailand.

But I was really looking forward to an easier, more stress-free life but one where I could still get stuck in and make money. I worked online, picking up freelance work when I can. And I like all the talk going on at the moment about Thailand. Some guys saying Thailand isn’t cheap anymore, some saying it is and I find it quite fascinating. Thailand can be cheap, but it also can be very expensive, just like anywhere. And while it does make for an interesting topic of conversation, that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m in my early 30s. I used to work a corporate job back at home, which paid my mortgage, my car loan, and enough money to put some away in savings every month. But it just didn’t feel like the way you were meant to live anymore. It felt like an outdated version of life. And when you understand that there are so many things you can do, it does make you wonder why you spent all that time doing what everybody else was doing.

I don’t have an exciting backstory. Never married, no kids, and I had nothing tying me to where I came from. Lots of people seemed to be moving everywhere all different kinds of places and Thailand was one of the most popular choices. I went to visit, liked it a lot, and I ended up staying. So, here I am. I don’t know how long I’m going to stay here.

The Gap Between Expectation and Reality

While I do enjoy it, there are certain things that I found don’t live up to my expectations. Not only that, they don’t even weigh up any of the understandings that I had about Thailand and the situation that goes around that. I wouldn’t change my experience for anything, but I hope I can accurately portray what I’m trying to say here maybe to help other guys understand what it’s really like and also to bust some of the myths that seem to be going around about Thailand, which I feel are very unjustified and also dangerous.

I was always a bar guy, always interested in the bar scene in Thailand. And I’ve dated some girls that worked in bars since I’ve arrived. And I’ve also dated a girl who didn’t work in a bar. I was expecting relationships to be different based on where you met someone.

I’ve developed a theory that I’ve been thinking about ever since I came to Thailand. Why do so many guys actually come here and end up losing all their money? Why does it happen so many times in Thailand? It happens in other places as well. It’s not just unique to Thailand, but it seems to happen at an alarming rate in Thailand in such huge numbers. A guy comes to Thailand, loves going to the bars, meets someone, has a certain expectation a certain understanding of the basis of the relationship that he’s got into and it doesn’t work.

Too many times I’ve heard this, and the more I’ve spoken to guys who have been in similar positions to this, the more you start to think that there is a lot of preconceived expectations when guys get into relationships with girls that work in bars and girls that don’t. Yet these expectations, these dreams that guys have about what they’re getting themselves in for it’s all based on a false understanding of false dreams and false expectations.

I’ve lived it firsthand. I want to tell you about the relationships I had with girls who I did meet in bars. Why do so many guys meet girls in bars and do the things they do? I definitely don’t think we can just say definitively it’s because they’re desperate or that they’re a loser back home some of the things that you hear all the time. While this might be the case for some people, I don’t think it’s the case for everyone. And I think it’s important that guys start to understand the real reason why so many do what they do in Thailand.

My Life in Bangkok

I currently live in a condo in Bangkok along the Sukhumvit BTS line. It’s one of the condos that you can walk onto directly from the skytrain which definitely makes it easier when it’s raining. It cost me $500 a month. For that, I get a small one bedroom unit. It’s very cramped, but it’s modern, it’s clean, and it has great facilities. It’s where I work from. And when I moved in, I asked the owner to remove much of the furniture that was in the small living room so I could turn it into my office. You walk in, see the kitchen to the right. It’s not really a room it’s more of a part of the living room. And in front of that, there used to be a really small table and chairs. And where the sofa was overlooking the TV on the wall, I put in an office desk instead and moved the TV into the bedroom.

On top of the $500, I pay about $150 more for all the bills. The entire space is slightly smaller than the living room in my old house. So that should give you an idea of the size.

The first mistake I made when I moved to Thailand was to do with freelance work I was trying to pick up. I was looking at things that involved me having to work at a particular time of the day. That’s not really a good setup when you’re from the West because of the time difference, and you find yourself working late at night or through the night and sleeping in the day. So, while you’re living in a different country, you might be living backwards to normal life. As soon as I transitioned to looking for gigs that I could do in my own time, that really opened Thailand up.

The First Bar Experiences

I went into my first bar probably 3 or 4 days after I arrived in the country. That was one of the first things I wanted to experience in Thailand. Again, I have to stress that it was because I had these ideas that I had that led me to the bars.

I’ve seen guys getting into relationships with girls who worked in bars. And they all seem to be one of two sorts of guys. The first guys who seemed to be after that little thing that they weren’t able to get from a traditional relationship, and there were also guys who didn’t really have a better option. I would put myself firmly in the former of these two situations. I wasn’t one of those guys who went to the bars every day. I’d go every few days or so.

The bar scene around Bangkok doesn’t seem to be as big as it used to be, that’s what I’m told on the ground by long term expats. But I found that there are more than enough places to go and have a fun and enjoyable time. I didn’t like the craziness of Cowboy or Nana Plaza, but around there not directly there were lots of fun places that I used to go to. Note how I say used to.

I still thought in a certain way, and before long, I’d met a girl that I liked. She was 25 and worked in one of the bars on Soi 22. And after meeting up with her quite a lot of times, I got her to move in with me. It didn’t last very long, probably two weeks but it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. I met her in a bar. That’s where she worked. Yet, I was expecting her to be my girl that worked in the bar when she moved in with me. Yet, that’s not how things happened at all. And I was left really confused.

What I Was Looking For

I was under the impression that the idea of meeting a girl in a bar was because you’re looking for something different than if you meet a girl somewhere else. You’re willing to take the negatives that go along with it i.e., the fact that she worked in a bar because you want the positives that come along with it. That made sense to me, and I hope I’m getting it across properly.

I’ve spoken to guys who have had very similar experiences, who came with similar expectations. Usually, these are guys who had arrived in the last 3 or so years. Guys who have a lot going on in their lives. Perhaps they’re working a freelance job. Perhaps they’re trying to build wealth, and they’re missing out on that certain part of their life. They’re missing out on a relationship because while they want one, they don’t want anything that gets in the way of what they’re currently doing. They’re looking for something easy something that’s not going to cause them stress, something that’s not going to take their mind away from everything else going on in their lives. These things that they value so much.

So, I was under the impression that I would have a relationship with a girl that works in a bar. Of course, I wanted her to stop working there, but I wanted her to still be that around me. That’s what I was thinking. And I know at least four other guys who I’ve spoken to who thought the exact same thing as me.

The First Relationship A Letdown

She stayed with me for 2 weeks. It might have been slightly longer. And while I did like her, there was nothing that she did, nothing that she said, and nothing that indicated that she was who I thought she was. It was like that part of her life no longer existed which is great but it was meant to exist for me.

We got on well together, but I found when I was working on a job, she’s coming in distracting me. “Let’s go and eat lunch.” We’d go and then we’d come back, and I’d be in full concentration mode. And then even after only living at my place for not even a week, she’s complaining about the place I’m putting my clothes. And she’s telling me this while I’m trying to work. And I’m very confused about everything because that’s not what I thought this was about.

I really liked her. I respected her. She was a great person. But I thought she was who she was. And I thought she wanted to be what she was. But that’s not what she thought she was. I hope this is coming across as I’m intending it to. But after 2 weeks, I had to say to her, “I think it’s not going to work. This is not what I’m looking for. I’ve got too much going on, too much to do, too many distractions and I didn’t think you were going to be a distraction because I thought you didn’t want to be someone’s distraction.” I don’t know.

If I was one of the guys who was desperate, then perhaps the part she was playing would have been more appropriate. But I wasn’t desperate. I just wanted her to be with me in the way she was before she moved in.

The Second Relationship More of the Same

I had another girl move in about 2 months after this. I had reduced my expectations, but I did still harbor these ambitions because that’s how I felt other people were trying to explain it to me what it was like in Thailand. She was a great girl as well. She was kind, affectionate, but she was a very distant distraction.

I was looking for someone to go and drink with in the evening after work someone who wasn’t looking for something in me other than me to take care of them in the most respectful and best way possible. But it was for me to determine what this best and respectful way actually was. While I had a great time with this girl, I could have spent a lot more time with her. I wanted to spend a lot more time with her. But she worked in a bar when I met her. Yet, as soon as she moves in with me, everything that I was looking for in her everything that excited me about her evaporated into thin air, and she became just like any other girl living with me.

And that made me think, “What is the point?” I’m not meeting a girl in a bar because I have to. I’m meeting a girl in a bar because I’m looking for that bar experience well into the relationship just as she is looking to stay with me for the financial aspect well into the relationship.

You might find yourself getting into a relationship with a girl that works in a bar. And over the course of spending more time with her, you’re giving her more money. You’re taking her to nicer places. You’re spending a bit more money on her. You start to support her family when it’s needed. Yet, you go out on a Friday evening together after finishing work and she doesn’t feel like drinking that night. I don’t get that. That confused me, and it still does, because that’s what I was interested in doing fun things together. Fun things like you would do when you met her. That’s what attracted you to her.

And you were willing to completely ignore everything else about her because this little thing here is going to add to your life and add value to your life in ways where you feel value needs adding. And in return, you’re taking care of her well, making sure she’s always happy and she’s got anything she needs. She can go for massages in the daytime proper massages, I’m talking about. And you can give her money, support her, take care of her. You can make her feel like she’s being taken care of and she’s pampered and lucky that she’s found you.

But then all of a sudden, where is this girl gone that you met? It’s like she changed as soon as she moved in as soon as it became serious. She no longer had these exciting attributes that attracted you to her. That relationship lasted a bit longer, but after a month, it just wasn’t going in the direction that I wanted it to go down. It was like having the worst of both worlds. I was prepared to have the worst in one sense and the best in another.

Questioning Everything

But after those two relationships, I started to think like everything I thought everything I was told was nothing more than some kind of deluded picture of Thailand I’d somehow found myself having visions about. I still thought what I wanted was out there. A girl that you meet in a bar. She actually likes getting drunk all the time. She actually likes dancing. She actually likes lying down in bed all day when you’re not working and not distracting you. You know the type of thing that she does when you meet her.

Anyway, enough of that. But I did still hold out hope. An awful lot of things would happen until my next relationship with a girl that worked in a bar. And it would be that relationship that would completely open up my mind to what was really going on here. What was this actually about? I still didn’t really know.

A Motorcycle Trip And Someone New

It was time for me to have a few weeks off of working, and it was time for me to see a bit of Thailand. I was going on a bike trip to a place that looked amazingly beautiful. Yet, it appeared to be well off the tourist track. Popular with local tourists, but you might see the odd video of other foreigners there but it wasn’t your typical Thailand tourist destination, and that’s what attracted me to it. A province called Phetchabun, right in the middle of Thailand. You had Chaiyaphum in Isan on one side and Phitsanulok on the other.

This was one of the things about Thailand that really attracted me the stunning beauty. And I was finally going to see some of this firsthand. I rented a Honda CB500X in Bangkok. I still have my CBR1000RR back in my country. It’s my pride and joy. Yet, I thought about bringing it to Thailand with me, and I was very disappointed when I found out you weren’t allowed to do that because of the taxes and the fact it was secondhand already. So, it will remain parked where it is. I felt like the CB500 it wasn’t that gutsy. It was a good bike. I’d say it was more suited to a beginner rider. But the bike is not important.

I’d planned out the route I was going to be taking. My final destination was going to be Phu Tub Berk and spend a night in one of those glamping tents you see high up on the mountains with amazing views of the valleys below. The pictures looked good, and it didn’t look like a place that many foreign tourists went. So that was a big highlight for me.

Riding Through Isan

I set off out of Bangkok heading northeast to get to my first stop off, which was Nakhon Ratchasima. I hadn’t done any research about there. I was expecting it to be a small little town in Isan, but it was nothing like that a really big, bustling city. More of a Thai style version of Bangkok. That would be a good way to describe it. Nowhere near as big as Bangkok, but when you’re walking around the center, you do realize that there is so much more to Thailand than the tourist cities. This wasn’t a tourist city, but the day to day life of people they were just living, people doing normal things. It felt like any of the tourist cities that you’d go to without the tourists. Of course, that means there were less places that might attract tourists, but it felt like I guess Thailand would feel without tourists anywhere. 700 baht for a night in the Imperial Hotel. Hearing about how expensive hotels are becoming in Thailand now in the main tourist areas there are still deals to be had. You just go somewhere else.

The following day, I went northwest through Chaiyaphum into Phetchabun and to the main Phetchabun town. I was taken aback by how good the roads were in Thailand. But what took me back even more were the amount of accidents that I seem to have missed by a few minutes. I saw three that day. One of them looked really serious. It does make you think am I doing the right thing by driving this bike on the roads in Thailand? But I was very confident about my abilities and well aware that you need to keep a close eye on what everyone else was doing around you. If you did that, you should be okay. Expect the unexpected. If someone can pull out in front of you, they will pull out in front of you. And if you know they’re going to, I’d say you’re halfway there to being safe on the roads in Thailand. But you still need to be extremely careful.

You’d be driving along on the road, and you’d see an overturned truck, produce from a pickup scattered all over the road, completely destroyed scooters. You name it you will see it on the roads in Thailand if you drive them enough. And you need to be prepared for that.

Khao Kho and the Mountain Roads

The small town of Phetchabun in the province of the same name didn’t have that much to see. But you didn’t go to the province for the town. Because I’d arrived late, I decided to stay there and then go up into Khao Kho the following day. Khao Kho has a higher elevation than most of the surrounding area. And it was very popular with local people who would go and stay in either a glamping style resort or a bungalow style resort, and they would have great views of the mountains. They were perched right at the top, and you could see below. I was planning on staying in something like that when I set off the following day.

As soon as you start on the road that you have to turn on I think it’s the 2196 the scenery becomes next level. It’s green, it’s lush, and everything you picture it to be. And after avoiding the national park because of dual pricing, I went first to the famous viewpoint. Cars parked alongside it, both sides of the road, people selling all kinds of things. And while it was a nice view, it didn’t seem to warrant having so many people there.

I continued looking for a place to stay, and I found somewhere that had these blue and white colored bungalow style rooms 1,200 baht for the night and outside there was a small chair and table and a balcony that overlooked an uninterrupted view of the valley below. You could see for miles.

I was going to take it easy that day, order some food. These places usually had restaurants attached to them, and they’d bring it to your room. And when my food was brought to me, it was brought by this girl. Very, very basic English, but she was really intriguing. I kept ordering drinks, and she’d come and bring them. And after the third or fourth, she was starting to lighten up a bit.

Meeting Someone New

Then you’re thinking, well, that’s exactly why you meet a girl in a bar because it’s easy. Everyone seems to know what everybody else wants. But as soon as it becomes a relationship, it no longer becomes what everybody wants. But I liked this girl. And what was I meant to do about it?

Her English was extremely basic. I was picking up bits of Thai. I knew how to string certain words together like “go eat” and “me” and “with.” And I asked her, “Would you like to go eat dinner with me later?” She just shook her head as if to say absolutely not while smiling at me at the same time. I thought I’d persevere. I was making good time to my final destination. So, I booked another night and another night after that, and she’s lightening up more and more. I think she can see that I’m interested in her, and I’m looking for maybe a long-term thing. I don’t know what she’s thinking.

But on that third day, she did agree to go and eat food with me. That was a disaster. She was so shy difficult to have a conversation with. But after she had a few drinks Spy she seemed to really like the purple colored Spy. It was way too sweet for me. But after she had a few of those, she starts lightening up, and her English was a lot better than she had led on before. Still not good, but everything that needed to be said could be said. Lot of hand gestures and me speaking the Thai I knew.

I did have a great time with her, though we didn’t have any big and meaningful conversations. She said she had a brother and a sister, I think, but I didn’t know anything else. It was fun, though. And in that moment, I decided to stay another night. And she agreed to go on another date somewhere else. Lots of Thai restaurants around there. No foreign people in sight. We had a good time and a few more drinks. Nothing happened yet, but I got her contact information, gave her mine, and after spending 4 days in that resort, I’d had more than enough of it and set off to Phu Tub Berk, which should have been about an hour or so away. It took me 2 and a half hours to get there because I stopped off at that really famous temple that intersects the road that you come off at the really big interprovincial road. And I also stopped off at the famous skywalk that was close by. Both of these places were really busy with Thai tourists. Everyone seems to be so nice and so friendly. Nothing but good things to say about the people in the country and the nature.

Reaching Phu Tub Berk

But one thing that I definitely would say was that in Thailand, it was equally as beautiful as anywhere else you would go in Thailand. Yet, you’re the only foreigner there. Don’t get me wrong you will see lots of foreigners around, but you might go out all day and see four or five or six, whereas if you’re in somewhere like Phang Nga, for example, you might see 5,000 or 6,000. But of course, where I was, there were no beaches. But who needs beaches when you’ve got these amazing driving roads and scenery like this?

The road to get up to the mountain Phu Tub Berk kept winding back in on itself. And you’d go up and up and past the cloud level. And then you drive past lots of local villages which seemed to be situated in the most amazing locations you could dream of. And the higher you go up, you do start seeing these big white tents and small bungalows camping tents not really camping, but more of those glamping styles. Then you get right to the top. The best view you’ll ever see. And I think it does connect to the Loei province, but I’m not 100% sure on that.

I found one of these sites. They only had one available tent left. Took that, and I had a good time just relaxing looking at the view with a few drinks. Thinking, is this girl going to send me a message? I actually sent her one saying, “It was nice to meet you.” That’s all I said. And I wanted to see if she would respond. She hadn’t responded by the time I went to bed, and in the morning no message. I’m thinking it was fun while it lasted, although nothing happened. But I am thinking to myself, do I want to spend another night here, or am I already bored, and should I go somewhere else?

Messages From the Resort

She then sends me a message saying, “Nice to meet you, too,” and a smiley face. Then I decide I’m going to go back and see her again, but I leave it a few more days before I do that. I didn’t want to stay where I was for another night. It would have been better being with someone if you were there. Not much to do apart from eat and drink and look at the view. 5 hours later after looking at it, although it is amazing, you do start to get a bit bored.

From there, I left and went back to the town in Phetchabun. I planned to catch up on a bit of work, stay for 2 days, and then head off back to the resort to see that girl see if she’s still there. On my second night of being in town, she sends me a message. “Thinking about you.” Wasn’t expecting her to do that, but I responded saying, “You, too.” I didn’t tell her I was going again.

The following day, I went back to the resort, and as soon as I saw her, she smiled. I smiled back. Her face was lighting up. I’d guess she was 27 or 28, and I was 32. I wasn’t fat or bald or anything. Not the most handsome man in the world, but somewhere around average. So, it wasn’t like we were too different from each other.

I stayed there for 5 days. I saw her every day ordering drinks when I’m at the resort and going out for dinner and more drinks with her in the evening. Nothing else just getting to know her. And she was so easy to be with. Although the conversations were quite difficult, often resulting in having to use translation apps to get the actual points across, that to me is just adding to the excitement and difference of the situation. It was difficult though. Difficult in the sense that I didn’t know where I stood, and I wanted to know where I stood. I didn’t know what she was thinking, and I cared what she was thinking.

Back to Bangkok And More Confusion

When I left for Bangkok, made it back the same day, I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and I started to message her more often. I started thinking about her more often than I did. And now I’m not going to the bars anymore. And after being back in Bangkok for 2 weeks, I found myself going back up to see her. Things got a little bit more serious that time, and I had to spend a week there. It’s difficult to spend a week somewhere like that because no matter how beautiful it is, you’re basically in the middle of nowhere. Nothing to do really. So once you’ve looked around I mean, there’s nothing left. Also, the internet not great.

I left back for Bangkok, though, and we started chatting more often. And I asked her not long after, “How would you like to come and stay with me in Bangkok for a few weeks?” I said I’d pay for her transportation to come down. If she needed to take time off work, I’d help her with that. I wanted to see you know if we could take things further. I thought she might agree. And when she did, I was very happy.

4 days later, she arrives in Bangkok and gets a taxi, and I go downstairs from my condo building, and she’s there getting out of it. How do these things happen? I liked her, but I wouldn’t say I liked her more than the other two girls I had short relationships with. She knows I need to work she just leaves me to do that but we go out for lunch together every day, go out for dinner every day, and I’m starting to like her more. She seems to like me as well. And that’s that’s what they all say, I suppose.

But it doesn’t feel much different to the relationships I had before, but it was a lot more difficult to get into. Not that I’m saying that’s a bad thing. I’m just trying to paint what I believe to be an accurate picture of dating in Thailand whether it’s a girl that works in a bar or a girl that doesn’t.

And after 2 weeks, apart from the normal differences in personalities that people have, there was nothing to tell any of them apart. Someone likes to go out for a drink in the evening and have too many. Some people don’t. Some people like to laugh at a particular joke, some don’t. Of course, there are differences like this, but the actual differences that I was expecting to be so enormous were nonexistent. And that was one of the things that got me over Thailand a bit. I thought there were certain situations in certain scenarios for certain things and certain needs and wants but there aren’t.

Thailand is just the same as everywhere else. The girls there are just the same as everyone else, regardless of what they’ve done or what they’re going to do or what they’re currently doing. Before I got to Thailand, I was thinking that that was not going to be the case.

The Long Distance Struggle

After she was with me for 2 weeks, she had to go back up to work. I didn’t want her to go. I was enjoying being with her there. But that’s another thing she needed to go back up to work because she needed to do that. That would mean that I would be left in the dark as to what was going to happen. Would she come back again? Would I have to go and see her again? What was going to happen? I’d like things with a bit of certainty and clarity. A bit of knowing that if you do one thing, you get a specific result. Yet, if you do something else, the result is going to be different.

It’s when you start to come to terms with the fact that people are actually pretty similar all over the world when it comes to basic things it makes you question your commitment to Thailand.

So, she leaves, and now she’s messaging me all the time. All the time. When she’s on the bus back up “I miss you.” All these things. And I’m having the same feelings. But I didn’t know how this was going to work. The only way it would have worked would have been if she stopped working and became reliant on me. That would have been the only way the relationship would have been able to last. She kept asking me to go back up there to see her, but it’s very difficult to work there. If you haven’t been, the internet isn’t that good. You’re in the middle of the mountains, right on the mountaintop so you can’t work properly there. And I said, “I’d love for you to come here for another 2 weeks.” But then she said that she needs to work.

So, as much as I liked her, and it appeared she liked me, it wasn’t going to work. There was nothing we could do to fix it. The same could happen back at home. The same could happen in anyone’s country. But I came to Thailand to avoid instances like this. I wanted a sure footing to know exactly what a certain situation or a certain action could provide.

It was difficult to say goodbye to her because I saw a future with her. Not a future in Thailand. I don’t think I’ll be permanently here, but maybe one or two more years. But I liked her. But it just wouldn’t or couldn’t work.

Back to the Bars And the Same Result

A few months after this, I meet another girl. This time, I meet her in a bar like the first two. To say it makes everything a lot easier is stating the obvious, but it really does. It is so much easier to meet somebody like that because you don’t have all these mental gymnastics taking you away from your work and the things you need to do. All those painful thoughts like “maybe I won’t see her again” or “is she feeling the same way as me” or anything like that.

And then this new girl that I’ve met she comes and moves into my place, and I think, “Yeah, finally this might lead to something.” But everything that excited me about her she sort of left that behind in the bar. So at this point, you start to think that you don’t really know anything about anything to do with Thailand. This girl was just as nice as the other girls, just as sweet. Her English was the best yet. But for her, where we met had no bearing on her actions and way of doing things. So, it was just like I couldn’t win. I just couldn’t get that little extra from Thailand that I’d come there to get.

And at home, you’re going to be meeting someone who’s making the same amount of money as you maybe more, maybe less. And then you’re going to be putting all your money together and pooling resources. And then probably you’re going to get divorced 20 years later and she’s going to take all your money. But I’m playing these mental gymnastics. And no matter how hard I try to work it out work out how I can find the perfect solution, the perfect girl who I could treat better than anyone else, but who knows who she is I have to come to terms with the fact that that might not be possible.

That girl stayed with me for 3 weeks. When she moved in with me, I was exactly the same as I was when she moved out. Exactly the same. Same jokes, same job, same interests, same opinions. But most importantly the same actions. As soon as she moved in with me, after 3 weeks, she might as well have been a completely different person. Completely different. I was the same, and she wasn’t. And I was interested in her for who she was or who I thought she was. Obviously not who she really was.

The Hard Truth

This is coming from a guy who’s lived in Thailand for 3 years who believed Thailand was a particular way based on everything I’d heard, everything I’d read, and everything I thought possible. I moved to Thailand thinking things were one way only to find out that they’re pretty similar to how they are at home when it comes to dating and relationships. There may be slight differences because of culture, but deep down things are basically the same.

That’s why I think so many guys come to Thailand, meet a girl in a bar, and everything ends up going so badly wrong because they have these unrealistic expectations of what is actually going on. Many guys appear to feel like they’re saving the girl. That’s definitely not the case. But many guys are attracted to something easier, something that doesn’t take as much legwork, something that doesn’t take as much effort something that they can add to their life that doesn’t take away from everything that they’ve already got going on their work and hobbies or anything.

When I was dating that girl from Phetchabun, everything was up in the air. I didn’t know what was going to happen from one day to the next. And of course, that’s normal in a relationship. That’s fine. But the amount of mental thought I was giving it that’s everything I wanted to avoid. When you’re working and you try to finish something by a deadline and the deadline’s approaching and you can’t focus on it because all you’re thinking about is her and “when will I see her again? Is she thinking about me?” So, in a sense, I might as well have been at home. But it could have led to something real, and something could have lasted longer and into the future but it was a gamble, and a gamble I wasn’t prepared to take.

Some people might say relationships aren’t meant to be easy, but they’re not meant to be really hard either. A relationship is a natural progression in the course of your life. And I will say it one of the things that attracted me to Thailand was because I thought that relationships in Thailand were very different to relationships at home. But they’re not. The relationships I was in back in my home country were the same in a broad sense the same. Aside from the cultural differences and the obvious little things that might happen more often in one place as opposed to another. But all these guys having these wild thoughts about Thailand about how much easier it is and how much different it is unfortunately, it’s nothing more than false expectations because it doesn’t work like that.

The Traditional Relationship Myth

Then you hear many people saying that they come to Thailand because it’s meant to be more traditional more traditional ideas of relationships. And in some aspects, it is a typical traditional relationship. The guy goes to work, works as hard as he can. The wife stays at home, takes care of the house and the family. That’s a traditional relationship. Many guys seem to be looking for that. And many guys think that they can find that in a bar. They think that because they’re keeping up their end of the bargain being traditionally minded they’re the ones supporting everything. They’re paying for everything. They’re providing. They’re keeping everything together. Then they think they’re being traditional. But what they don’t realize is that their version of traditional when it comes to the girl is a warped version of traditional. That was never actually the case.

That was me. I was exactly like that. I wanted something traditional. I wanted something traditional in Thailand. But you find yourself in this relationship. You’re paying for everything, but what you’re getting back in return is nothing close to what you expect. I expected if I met a girl in a bar and I liked her, respected her, and she liked me, and she moved in with me she would still be a girl that worked in the bar. But who didn’t work in a bar? That’s what I thought. And if you think about it, why wouldn’t that be the case?

If I was a high end chef in a Michelin starred restaurant with a passion for cooking, and somebody met me there when I was working, I think they could safely assume that they were always going to be eating extremely delicious food. But that’s different, I suppose. But it kind of gets my point across. I also expected if I met a girl not in a bar in Thailand, I expected that it would be like it was at home. And it was 100%. I didn’t get that one wrong. But what I did get wrong was make the ultimate mistake that so many people seem to make.

And if you are understanding what I’m trying to say, I think you’re going to be in a better position if you go to Thailand.

A Friend’s Story

I’ll end it by talking about a guy that I met. He’s recently left Thailand and gone to Vietnam. He was a few years older than me, but he also was from the same country. He lived in the same building, and occasionally I’d see him at the restaurant very close by when we went for lunch. We started talking. We go out for a few drinks, occasionally start to become friends, and he was just coming out of a relationship with a girl that he met in a bar. I think he was a lot more serious with her. I think he really loved her, but he was in a way over his head. He didn’t know what was going on when he was in the relationship. He thought he had everything under control. He thought that how he thought, everybody thought. But his girlfriend couldn’t have been more different than how he thought she was. He thought he had this exciting once in a lifetime opportunity with this incredible Thai girl that before worked in a bar. And he said the longer he stayed with her, the more money he gave her, the more stuff he bought. Yet, when they were at home together, he said there was no indication that she ever worked in a bar.

So, I don’t know what people are going to make of that, but it’s something I’ve thought about for a long time.

As great as Thailand is, and as great as the people are, when it comes to relationships, you’re not going to get anything special or different in Thailand. It might feel different in the early stages. It might feel special in the early stages. But when you come to terms with the fact that all the thoughts you had all the exciting thoughts that you had were nothing more than dreams that you’d pumped so much out of control, and you’d like these dreams to take hold of you and make you feel that in Thailand you could have exactly what you wanted. You think Thailand is a great place where you could have the best relationship with the best girl, best wife everything you’ve always dreamed of having. Only you find out that it doesn’t work like that because people are the same everywhere.

If you understand this, you’re going to have a lot better go of things in Thailand.