White Knight Admits He Had Thailand All Wrong

I had no idea things worked the way they did in Thailand. I mean, I knew they worked the way they did, but I didn’t realize what was actually happening. I might be moving ahead with things a bit here. But the reason I was attracted to Thailand and what was available there, and I know you’ve heard this time and time again in a way, because I’d never had the chance to be with a girl at home, who I felt I was able to save, or who I felt needed me to look after her and needed me to be there for her at all costs. I felt in Thailand you could do that. I know that’s the classic savior complex, Mr. White Knight, if you will. I didn’t know that was a thing at the time. I also didn’t know that the girls that worked in certain places in Thailand were doing so for any other reason than because they wanted somebody like me. I thought that’s how it was because that’s the only thing that made sense to me.

That’s a critical error that so many guys like me make when it comes to Thailand and other places just like it. You think things are the way you see them. You might look like that on the surface. They might appear to be like that. Although you might be sitting in a certain situation thinking about things and really wondering what’s going on. And the only conclusion that you can draw from every time you’re in a position like that is what you think is right. Nothing else seems to be possibly the situation in a way like it actually is. And it’s just a mistake that I made and I will admit it.

Where Everything Went Wrong in Thailand

That was where everything went wrong for me because I went in with that very specific idea of what I wanted to do in Thailand. I wanted to meet a girl who I felt would be an extension of myself. I know I’ve met guys who have said the same thing before. They want a girl who is there for them, who is their life and whose life is them, and who is prepared to accept being and playing second fiddle to the guy because in return she’s going to be doted on and treated like the special girl that she is. Not as a girl who put herself into a very degrading position to be able to find that guy.

You looked at how she was before you met her as her putting herself through an awful and degrading situation that nobody would really want to do. But it was for the ultimate goal of meeting someone who would actually be there to sweep her off her feet to give her this life that she’d always wanted. Not on the understanding that what she was doing before you met was actually putting herself in a position better than many of the people in the country. Not getting to that understanding that the girl you met who didn’t have any money, this girl you met who was meant to be from a very poor place, who was very poor, who had a family who didn’t have anything and who had a child at home and she wasn’t able to spend time with. The notion that she was actually in some instances becoming quite financially well off because of her arrangement and she was taking advantage of you.

You perhaps weren’t even as financially well off as her. That’s when you start to understand that the dynamic that I thought was there wasn’t there at all. The real dynamic that was what was meant to be was rich guy meets a very poor girl in the world and sweeps her off her feet. Not poor guy meets a girl who perhaps in certain circumstances might have more than him who was taking money from him anyway. If I knew that was the case, I would have got on the next plane out of Thailand and wished nothing more than the country just somehow disappeared off the map. But I didn’t know, did I? Why would I know? It was because of that that I did the things that I did. And it was because of that that I found myself falling head over heels in love with a girl that I met in a bar. And I will get to that very soon.

To start off with, I went to Thailand a long time ago for the first time. I was already 40. And it was a place that I’d always had a bit of interest in going to, always felt I wanted to go there. Back then, it was when you would hear stories about what Thailand was like, and you’d hear stories from people who went. It was never like you could go online and look what it was about. Because although there were websites talking about Thailand, there was nothing to do with social media like there is today, or at least to the extent that there is today. It felt like what was described to me. I could paint a picture in my mind of what it was like and take what it was like in my mind and perhaps go to Thailand and that’s how it would really be. I think that’s where I first started to make those big mistakes about the country, the huge mistakes about Thailand that I made. That was before I even went.

I’d already developed an opinion of what it was like and what the situation was with regards to the girls and the bars and the drinks and the nice weather and everything that went along with that. I’d already built a picture of what it was like. It was because of that that I was going into Thailand with my opinions already said, even though I had no idea what anything looked like or anything felt like because I’d never been there before.

Arriving in Bangkok in 2009

When you arrive, this is me arriving in Bangkok 2009, 40 years old, this sense of adventure just sweeps you over as if something you’d never experienced before. You can’t really put your finger on it. Even before I’d made my way to central Bangkok, when I’m driving from the airport in the taxi, I’m already feeling like I’m somewhere different. I’m already feeling like I’m at a place that doesn’t exist anywhere in the usual places that I went on holiday around Europe. It doesn’t feel like that. It feels different. It feels more like you’re entering this version of the world that is there purely for people to enjoy themselves. Even these feelings arrive because you’re in the taxi and you notice how much the meter is going up and you’re thinking and calculating that in your own currency and thinking this is so affordable. It’s crazy. There’s a guy actually driving this taxi.

You pay that same price to go on a bus for the same distance in my country. It’s that first understanding of that being available. Then you head further down the tollway and you’re stopped in traffic because it’s so busy. and you’re looking out of the corner of your eye. You turn your head and all of a sudden you see a huge billboard advertising places that talk about massage and there are beautiful girls pictured outside them. You’re thinking, “Are these the famous bars?” You didn’t know anything about it at all. I want to go and look at that, not understanding that those sorts of places were really targeted at foreigners. Not at all. They were targeted at the Thai areas. And it’s places that you might find on later, you understand happened in Thailand even more.

When you eventually make it to the Sukhumvit area, it was very different back then. You didn’t have the large contingent that you had on places like Sukhumvit soy 3 that is there today in abundance, which is, I think, not really something that I can put my finger on as to understand why it’s happening. Why would somebody from countries like that go to Thailand and set themselves up right next to the red light district? I thought that was against and I thought they were against things like that. It just goes to show that hypocrisy is rife in the world. Suppose that’s me ranting about something I have no control over. The other side of the road though, you see Sukhumvit Soi 4, and I was blessed with the fact that I got the red light right at the front of the intersection, and I could look out of the window for what felt like an eternity, thinking that’s where I’m going to go first. My hotel was not very far away. Got dropped off and all of a sudden I’m finding that everything that I felt about Thailand before I’d even gone and knew anything about it. Everything that made sense to me was exactly like I pictured it being.

Everything lined up. Everything dotted together. Everything linked together in a way that nothing I thought was anything other than it actually was. That’s when you start to actually get out of control. That’s when you start to actually think that you were right to think the way you thought because there was no understanding that what is actually going on is different to what you felt. That’s a very scary thing. Don’t develop so strong opinions before going somewhere. Because if those opinions line up and it seems to be exactly like you thought it was, even though it’s not, even though it’s most definitely not, you still think it is, that’s really when you lose control.

Going to the Bars in Thailand

I wanted to go to the bars as quickly as possible. I’d heard about them. I’d dreamt about them. and I’d imagined them. Well, you go into the first bar and it’s not exactly like you think. The dynamic wasn’t exactly how you think. A girl will come over and she asks you, “How are you? Welcome.” “Hello, welcome.” You know how it is, don’t you? You walk in, sit down, and she asks for a drink. You get a one.

You get a drink, too, when she’s talking. Nice to meet you. Where you from? How long you Thailand? All the questions you hear, it’s like that girl in front of you is exactly how you pictured her being. Incredibly beautiful, incredibly sweet, in her early 20s. Although she’s smiling and appears to be happy, this deep sense that I had inside me, at least when I was there witnessing it for the first time, was that she was just hoping hope that one of these days somebody would go in and sweep her off her feet and remove her from that life entirely. That was what it was about, taking her out of that life and not understanding that she was there. And she was actually because of that, not doing too bad financially, even though she didn’t appear to have much. Even though she talked about being poor, even though all of this stuff was going on, it was like it was a complete fabrication right from the start.

I was drawn in. I was hooked in and I loved it. And I had a fantastic time. The most important thing after I got back was getting back again because I wanted to experience it again and again and again.

Falling in Love with a Bangkok Bar Girl in 2013

It was 2013 when I was there next, I think, for my fourth time when I fell in love with the girl. I was in Bangkok. I’d been to Pattaya a few times and I thought that was a great city. I’d been up to Chiang Mai. That was a great city, too. Everywhere had the bars. If you wanted more of a laid-back kind of bar atmosphere, you’d go up to Chiang Mai because they had Loi Kroh Road and the boxing stadium. I had some wonderful times around there and met some great girls. Each time I’m doing this, I’m still of the firm belief that these girls are the poorest in Thailand. These girls need saving.

These girls need someone to look after them and treasure them and value them for who they are. Not just there to work like that forever. I never thought a girl would want to do that. I never thought a girl would value money more than dignity. I never thought that would be the case because I would never do that. And I think that’s the biggest and the saddest thing of all. It was Bangkok 2013. I’d met a girl. Whatever it was about her, I could never really even to this day understand what it was about her that made me be and think that she’s that bit more special than the other girls that I’d met. What was it about her that made me want to extend my time with her?

What was it about her when she said that if I wanted her to spend time with me and I met her on my first night there in 2013, that I was there for 2 or 3 weeks, if I want to spend my whole time with her, and that’s a long time, going to have to pay the bar to remove her from the contract.

Paying 10,000 Baht to Leave the Bar

That was about 10,000 Baht. I would never have done that. But the way it made sense to me, paying and giving the bar money for her to stop working at the bar, it’s like that bar owns her in a way. It’s like that bar doesn’t respect her or doesn’t look at her as a real person. It’s like that bar is there to manufacture money out of her. And it really made me feel sick. I thought when I paid that, not that she was mine, but that she was going to believe that she was finally free from the complete and utter humiliation of having to work in a bar.

What Bar Girls Earn in Thailand

Up until then, I thought girls that worked in the bars, okay, they might make a little bit more money than girls that would work in another industry. It’s fine. If she’s maybe making 15,000 Bat a month, or if she’s very lucky, maybe 18,000 Bat a month. That was okay with me. I was fine by that. She needs to send money to her family. She needs to exist. She needs to live. That’s okay. I was still, and this is quite a way away, very green behind the ear as to what actually happened and how much girls actually earned.

If I’d have known what they really earned, I would have completely seen through the entire humiliation of the whole thing. I would have seen right through it, and I wouldn’t have done what I did.

How Much Thai Bar Girls Could Earn

The very notion that a girl might be making 70 or 80,000 or even a 100,000 Baht some months, the very notion that that was possible, that really ruined what it was, didn’t it? If she’s making that much money, then it’s disgusting. It’s like that’s what she’s doing it for and it’s real. And you never again, and just thinking about things. You’d never met a girl at home who perhaps works like that and you’d think you want to make a wife out of her or want to save her, would you? You would think at home a girl doesn’t need to be doing that. She doesn’t need to be saved. And it really is disgusting and awful and you don’t want it to be like that. And it makes you feel really dirty thinking just how much some of these girls might earn. But you don’t know that at the time because in Thailand it doesn’t feel that way.

I don’t know why it doesn’t feel that way. Why doesn’t it? It’s because you think she’s earning only a tiny amount of money. Therefore, it’s not really like money is involved. Suppose if I’m getting my actual ideas across properly here for you to fully understand, it’s not that I wanted her to have a bad life or a bad time. It’s that when it’s understood that there’s a large amount of money being made by a girl in that situation that puts you off because it’s like she doesn’t need you when you felt she did. It’s like she values money more than anything else. And okay, you believe though, okay, you might think she’s can’t even get a job doing something else because she’s not educated. But I don’t know. This is her last resort.

it’s meant to be and it’s a different dynamic entirely. What I felt was one thing was completely different. If I had done what I did today, I would have known this and it was a classic case of falling for the sav complex for the white knight complex. I would never have fallen for that if I’d have known.

The White Knight Trap in Thailand

If I had a chance to look into how things really were and experienced it properly. But at the time, you don’t see it for what it is. You don’t really have guys online warning you of the pitfalls and the dangers. At the time, I was just falling into the trap. I’d met this girl. I believed it was her dream to meet someone. And I believed it was every girl’s dream to meet someone. I believed if you meet a girl, you spend a bit of time with her and it doesn’t work out. That’s just an attempt at something more serious. That’s an attempt at hopefully finding something together by finding peace with each other.

When it doesn’t work out, she’d be really devastated because she’s being made that little bit worse yet again. As that time goes by, she’s being made more worse. And you don’t want that to be the case. You want her to find happiness, but it doesn’t work with all the girls. You can’t meet a girl and hit it off with older girls, but with her I hit it off and I wanted to spend the rest of that time with her and my whole holiday. That’s why I paid that 10,000 Baht. And it was like now she didn’t need to work in the bar anymore. And I felt that she didn’t need to work because she was with me. I wouldn’t have agreed to do that though if that wasn’t the case. Exactly how I thought it was.

I thought it was no questions asked. I didn’t realize it was conditional. I didn’t realize that when those 3 weeks came to an end, it would be her going back to the bar.

Saving Her from the Bar

Why would I? I thought it was already understood that she’d left. I thought I’d saved her from that bar. Okay, maybe at the 3 weeks we decide not to stay together anymore, but she’s not going to go back to the bar again because she’s out of it. And how How naive was I? How stupid was I? You have to remember 2013 there wasn’t as much information as there is today. I just thought that’s how it was. That was what made sense to me. That’s what appealed to me and that’s what I really was attracted to.

It was because of that when I’m in Bangkok with her the morning after, I meet and go down to breakfast at the hotel buffet and they wanted extra money. I can even remember thinking, “Come on, just give me a break here. I’d already spent too much.” But it didn’t matter. Although I’d fully booked for that whole trip in Bangkok, I was only going to be in Bangkok. I felt like after a few days of actually going on city tours with her, this is my fourth time in Thailand, mind you. Although I’d been to different parts of the country, I’d really just gravitated purely towards the bar areas and the vicinity around them. I’d never gone and seen the cultural side of things. I’d never gone to see the temples where many people went. I’d never gone on a river cruise. I’d never looked at parts of the city that were off the tourist trail.

And the historic side of things, too. I’d never looked at anything. I did that for the first couple of days with her in Bangkok. And it was like we were made to be together. She was holding my hand, laughing at my jokes. And I know that’s a stupid thing to say, but that’s exactly what she was doing. I always like to tell jokes. Although her English wasn’t great, it was still a reason where she could laugh at things and joke about things. And she was so childish in a way, like I was childish, too. I remember when we were walking around Chinatown and I was in awe of the other side of Thailand that I didn’t even know existed.

I’d only been to the bar areas around the cities I’d been to. That was what stood out to me as being the place where you went in Thailand. Why would you go anywhere else? It didn’t make sense to go anywhere else because you’re there for the bars. You’re here to meet people and you’re there to meet a girl. Perhaps you’ll meet a girl that you fall in love with. And I felt like I was falling in love with her. We were walking around Chinatown and we were walking along the street. In front of us, this guy tripped up and fell down and she burst out laughing. She really was in hysterics.

And I was laughing too because of her laughing. It was like she was free somehow. Of course, she was probably like this the day before when she was still working in the bar or the day before that when she probably met somebody else, another idiot who thought it was real. It was like I felt she now she was carefree. she could escape that world and she was now with me and I was there for her and she was just laughing and it was so funny. The guy turned around and looked a bit shocked on his face and I remember that face look on his face as if it was don’t laugh. But we just continued walking and we even went down this little side alley looking at different things and just really taking in the country.

Thailand Opened Up Beyond the Bars

All of a sudden with her Thailand‘s opening up to me as something a lot more than a place to go to meet girls. It’s a lot more than that. It was her who insisted we go to different places and because of that it was great. She liked to do shopping in places too and I bought her things from there. We booked or I booked should I say in the travel agency across from my hotel to go on a buffet river cruise. You’d go on the river sail down it at night and you have a buffet. It wasn’t a lot of money but it was something that people did and today it was something that I really remember as a great time. I think it was 600 Baht each. seeing this whole other side of Bangkok, the riverside area, looking at the buildings around there. You see the embassies dotted along the river, too.

I think I saw the Portuguese and the French embassy. And then you’re going a bit further, and it’s just a magical place. And it’s really like Thailand is being opened up, and she’s the one opening it up for me.

Seeing Another Side of Bangkok

After we had that river cruise, we started walking and again, taking it all in, believing I’m falling even more in love with her. Before long, we arrived in Pac Pong. We walked a long way. I’d never been to that part of the city before. She said she had a friend that worked there. Not a nice place, she said. I don’t know why, but we both fancied a drink. She went into a bar with me and had a drink and it was like how I believed at the time. It was like she was no longer of that world. It was like she was above that world.

But the way she acted and behaved, it was like she really felt she was above that world now. At least that’s how I was experiencing it and feeling it. She was never going back to work in a bar. Why would she? She’s been removed from that scene. And I was again I was having completely stupid feelings. But it was the way she was ordering drinks. It was like she was ordering as if not that she was above the girls that worked there, but as if to say, “I’m not working like this anymore. I used to do this, but don’t have to now.” And they’re looking at me like, “Oh, I wish I could have a guy like that.” I suppose you believe things the way you want to believe them, even though they could be completely crazy and nonsense, but that’s what I thought. I believed it was that way.

And it might not be, and it probably isn’t, and it most definitely isn’t, but that’s how I felt. We finished up that night together, and it was a whirlwind romance. It was special. It was beautiful, wonderful even. Then decided another few days later, a good amount of time left on my holiday, not even thinking about going home or anything. We’d seen lots of Bangkok and I was falling in love with Thailand.

Falling in Love with the Ability to Save a Girl

At this point, I was falling in love with the ability to save a girl from that life. And the love of Thailand, too, actually came from there. Now, it’s not just her I love, it’s the country. Although I had been a number of times before, it had been a reason for me to be there. The reason now was to look at the country, not just to try to meet a girl. I asked her if she’d like to leave and go somewhere else. Of course, it was let’s go to the beach. I couldn’t wait to go to the beach. I went to what appeared to be a popular island for people who tend to meet girls. I don’t know because she recommended a Koh Samet, not far away in Rayong.

We got a taxi down there, got the slowboat over, and I remember just how crystal-clear the water and how picture perfect it was. It wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and I was just sat there next to her. Other people on the boat, some of them being sick. Okay, we had to avoid that because that was a bit off-putting. But you’re wondering if life could get better. I’d been to Pattaya and I’d seen the sea before, but now you’re seeing a completely different side of it. You’re seeing the beautiful sea. You’re seeing beautiful beaches and this island. And all of a sudden, Thailand has given you the full picture. Before it was the half picture, a great half picture, don’t get me wrong, but now you’re seeing the full picture.

This really is paradise and everything and the abundance for the guy like me, 43 years old, understanding that his world couldn’t be made any better than this because I was just getting everything lined up in a way that made me feel so good.

Falling in Love on Koh Samet

It was on Koh Samet, I believe, where I actually fell completely head over heels in love with her to the point where the thought of not being with her, the thought that she wouldn’t be part of my life wasn’t going to happen. I just didn’t believe that we wouldn’t be together. I didn’t believe anything like that at all. We stayed at this hotel right on the beach, 1,200 Baht a night. It wasn’t the most beautiful of rooms, but it was modern and it was okay and clean. Air conditioning, which was the main thing, with some water outside where you could wash the sand off your feet when you arrived back. Not too far away from the restaurant where they had the fire show. And I’m thinking I’m showing her the world here. I’d asked if she’d been before, she said no. But I suppose if I think about it, she’d probably been lots of times before.

But she said no because she obviously knew that me showing her things was very important to me. No, I’ve never been before, but obviously she had. I think it was the day after we arrived when we rented a motorcycle and we were driving up through the island right to the lookout point at the end. There were no people in sight. No people at all and it was quiet. When we got to the end, she said, “This reminds me of where I’m from. Not the sea,” she said, but the rural bits and the scenery. And I thought that was very nice. Why don’t we live there? I said to her all of a sudden just from nowhere.

I’ve heard about why she left and why she wouldn’t work there because she was from a poor family, but we were just talking and it wasn’t necessarily a serious thing at the time. She said though that she’d like to go back somewhere somehow and live there, but I didn’t really pick up on it to the level unto that extreme, but it was just an interesting thing to say. Perhaps she was trying to get across that she wanted me to go with her there. I thought it would have been fun, but not more than that, fun.

The Koh Samet Lookout Point

One thing that really surprised me and I suppose again made me fall in love with her even more was at the lookout point. There was nobody there and we walked down the rocks and there was no beach there. You have to walk down the rocks and there are steps down to the rock face and you can make your way into the sea if you’re careful. And she led me into the ocean and she just blew me away. I think that’s how I would like to put it because it was like she was just trying to show that she was going to be the best that she could be for me forever because she was so in love with me. I felt this connection to her of pure excitement after that moment. And that’s the problem. What am I going to do now? Because I’ve got to go back home soon. I was in a reasonable financial position at the time.

I worked and I’d been saving all my life. Never really had money to spend on anything because I never wanted anything. I didn’t do that much because of that and I always saved. And I suppose I took delayed gratification to heart. Never felt like I wanted to do anything that was exciting because there was nothing exciting to do. and I was spending more money in Thailand than I’d ever spent in my life before. Because of that though, I was quite financially sound.

Extending My Stay in Thailand

I had decent savings. I had a house back at home. And I didn’t need, I suppose, to go back. I’d already decided, I think, when we had a few more days in Koh Samet and I’m just living in this sheer paradise of life that I’m going to extend my say, going to stay longer, going to get to know her more, and I’m going to be with her more. I told her when we were back in Bangkok, and it was a bit of a rude awakening, though.

Going Back to the Bar After Three Weeks

She said, “After 3 weeks, I thought you’d go and go. I have to go back to the bar.” She said, “Yeah.” I looked at her. “What do you mean? I’ve already paid for you to leave the bar.” And I was heartbroken. “What do you mean? I have to go back to the bar. You only paid for me to leave for 3 weeks. I can’t leave all the time. I have to go back.” She was very apologetic, saying that she was sorry. I have to admit, I hadn’t given her any money since she’d come out of the bar.

I thought we were together now. It was not like she was being rude or not like she was being abrasive, but I thought she was telling me no, you know, when you leave, I have to go back because she needs to make money, she said. I suppose then that’s when it twigged with me. Oh, what do you mean you need to make money? If you’re with me, I’ll pay for everything. Don’t worry, you’ll never have to go without anything. I’ll take you shopping. I’ll take you to buy what you want. Then she said, “You know, my family, I talk about my family. I have to send money for them.

I have two children. I have to send money to them and need to look after. My parents don’t have money to pay for them.” I suppose I should have looked at a 23-year-old with two children and thought, “Maybe that’s not right.” It wasn’t like that mattered, though. It was like they were part of a different world and a world that never sort of connected together with her because I never had to see them. She was saved. She was happy. And she was with me. And I matter more to her than anybody in her family put together. That’s how I felt. I suppose that made me say to her, “I’m sorry.

I mean, I even said to her, I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize how much money you usually sent to your family.”

20,000 a Month for Her Family

She said it was about 20,000 a month. Then I took that money me back a bit. 20,000. Yes, 20,000 I send them every month. That felt like quite a lot of money back then. 2013, remember? 20,000 a month. I thought she was probably making at the most 15,000 a month, but she’s now saying she sends them 20. Although I’ve talked earlier on in my story about finding out the shocking reality of how things actually were, because disgusting is the only word and shocking is the only word you can use to describe it. I was somehow all completely, you know, pushed into a corner.

I must have pushed that to the back of my mind, too, and thought if she’s able to send her family 20,000 a month and she needs to live and she needs to do what she’s doing, she’s got a phone and she’s got things, how much must she be earning? If she’s earning this amount of money, then it was so off-putting. But it’s like, you don’t need saving if you’re making that amount of money. But I tried not to think about it. Before I could think about what I was doing, I said to her, “I want to spend more time with you. What can I do?” She said, “I want to spend more time with you, too, but I have to go back to work. I have to do this. I love you.” She said, “I don’t want you to have to spend money because I want to be with you without money, but I need it.” It was like she was saying every single thing that I wanted her to say. Every single thing that she was doing was trying to confirm that what I thought was right. Even though I just I didn’t see it like that.

I thought that she was just really genuinely saying that she didn’t want to take money from me because it was like she shouldn’t take money from me. It was like when she’s with me, she doesn’t need money, therefore she doesn’t need it. I’m thinking how awful that she wants to be with me, but she doesn’t want to take my money. That’s what I thought. I’m sat there about 3 or 4 days before I was due to go back. I’d already convinced myself I wasn’t going to go back, thinking to myself now, this is so awful. I’m with a girl that loves me so much and she doesn’t want to take money from me. She wants to be with me, but she’s telling me that that’s the only way to make it possible. That’s how I saw it. And because of that, I said to her, I’ll give you the 20,000 a month to send to them.

Let’s spend 3 months together and see how it goes. She was so grateful and so thankful for that and you know now I don’t have to go to the bar. I promised him whatever I will go back. I said, “How about this? If we don’t stay together, I will give you some money so you don’t need to go back to the bar.” And she said, “Thank you. Just give the bow some money or whatever. I don’t know what it was. I don’t know if that’s the case. She just wanted to save money.” So if I cut a long story short here, basically after we’d spoken for an hour, I’d agreed to give her family 20,000 a month.

35,000 a Month Plus 50,000 Baht Up Front

On top of that, somehow I’d agreed to give her 15,000 Baht a month and an upfront payment of 50,000 Baht. I don’t know what to even say. Completely crazy. But I was committed to 35,000 a month now and 50,000 up front. I’d agreed to that, believing that I was actually saving her once and for all from never having to go back to such an awful and disgusting place. They weren’t disgusting really. They were amazing places where you could go and meet girls and it was fun and exciting, but not understanding that perhaps that was just the money that she wanted. It was like I believe at that moment she had me completely wrapped around her little finger to such an extent that I was doomed from that moment on. Doomed and destined to be one of the statistics of Thailand. Believing one thing’s happening but actually understanding things weren’t the way I thought they were.

Oblivious to that fact, blocking off from myself from reality to the extent that I happened to go and move forwards with it. As soon as money was talked about and evolved, I should have snapped out of the fantasy and snapped out of the illusion that I was in so deeply that I didn’t know it was. But I should have done, but I didn’t. We had a good time together and it was never mind and I was happy to do this and it’s going to cost some money, but I didn’t see it that it was costing me money. That’s how it that’s how guys actually work it out to be. As much as I look back and it’s so obvious what was going on, I wanted to see it the way I thought it was because I was happy. I was feeling like I fulfilled and feeling like life was good for a change. I felt like my role as a man was being fulfilled. felt like everything was right and everything was going good and everything was happy and everything was just as you’d want. All of a sudden, as this happened, I’m 35,000 Baht a month worse off plus 50,000 Baht.

But it was like I’m doing it. But I shouldn’t be, but I am. And it felt great. With that, I extended my stay for 3 months. Had to arrange to get a visa at some point, but when I needed to do that, that was a bit of time away. I would worry about it later. From there, I honestly believed it was a whirlwind romance. We spent a few days in Bangkok, then went back to Koh Samet again. She’s doing things that only a girl would do if she loves you. Only a girl would do if she wants to make you happy unconditionally.

Of course, she wanted to make me happy. The happier she was making me, the more she was digging in her claws for the ability to get even more out of me. During that first, I would say month, couple of weeks in Bangkok, a bit of time in Koh Samet, and back in Bangkok before I needed to leave the country to come back in on top of everything. I’d probably spend uh 70,000 Bat buying things for her, too. bought her a new swimming costume and she let me choose it out and it was like I wanted it to be a specific way. She was quite modest and shy and I told her, “I don’t want you to be I want you to be like this. I wanted her to buy the sorts of swimming costumes that a western girl would and she did and she obliged and it was like she was happy to do that.” I bought her that and I bought her some gold. I’m not thinking that this is anything other than a serious relationship. It’s a serious thing and we’re together. Everything’s great and it’s about love.

If I’m spending money, it doesn’t matter because in a way, and as crazy as it was, I might buy her some gold. I felt like we were together, so it’s our gold. Really, it’s hers. Of course, it is. But no, it’s ours. Joint things. That’s how I felt.

Leaving Thailand and Returning to Bangkok

When I needed to leave the country and I was going to fly to Phnom Penh and fly back the day after, I wanted her to go, but she didn’t have a passport. We should have arranged it beforehand, but I never thought about it. So I flew out to Phnom Penh, got her phone number, had that for ages, of course I did, and had been and called her many times, and she said she would wait. Still paying for the same hotel. She said she’d be there when I got back, and I was just missing her as soon as I left. Flew into Phnom Penh and I got the earliest flight back the next day.

Returning to Bangkok to Find Her Drunk

I arrived back at the hotel about 9:00 a.m. and she wasn’t there. I was thinking, “This is off. Very strange. Didn’t know if she probably didn’t expect me to get back that early or something. I didn’t know. I tried to call her and she didn’t answer. And I thought this wasn’t good at all. About half an hour later, after I’d had a shower, I was about to go and look for her. And then she comes through the door, still drunk from the night before, a bit shocked to see me.

You come back already. Where have you been? I said. She just said I’d just see friend. No problem. I was a bit upset. What do you mean? Which friend? Oh, just go to the bar where I used to work. See friend there.

That felt like I’d been hit with a ton of bricks. What do you mean? I’ve paid so much money for you not to go back to that bar ever again. Oh, I don’t work there, she said. I just visit friend. No problem. Don’t have anything to do. Just the fact that she was there was something again that I overlooked. That should have been something that told me again it was so crazy. Going back to the bar should have been her worst nightmare.

She should never have wanted to do that. The thought of going there should have filled her with dread and terror. This thought of going back to her old ways. And no, it should have terrified her to go back. She should immediately seize contact with anybody that worked in the bar before because she’s out and she’s in a new life now. She’s a better person now.

I Was Really Heartbroken

I was really heartbroken. At the same time, when she’s throwing herself all over me, it’s like never mind. Again, overlooking something. It was just like she’d done something that she shouldn’t have done. And I don’t know, perhaps I was feeling like she had done something she shouldn’t have done the night before. And again, I just tried to overlook it, thinking that never mind, it’s just a one-off. Or perhaps she hadn’t. When I’d left, she’d gone out and she’d probably done stuff that she shouldn’t have done. But again, what am I meant to do about it? I was in love with her.

It’s humiliation. It was like that. And I don’t know. Of course, I was delusional. Now I’m back an hour later. I’ve completely forgotten about it. She’s okay. Getting over, starting to have a hangover, getting back to normal. Stayed in bed all day, she did, and it was like she was just hugging me and saying, “I missed you. I go out because I miss you.” And just saying everything you’d want to hear.

So, I overlooked it and it was forgotten about. We go out that day for something to eat. The next day, let’s do something, too. And I think it was that day when she said she would like to take me to meet her family. She said that she’d already talked to them about me and how much she likes me. Again, I believe what she was saying. I felt like if she’s actually spoken to her family about me, then she must be serious. She must know that I’m serious, too, and she must be wanting to do things. All the thoughts of what she did when I’d left for that day or that evening had completely gone. She’s with me.

Don’t worry about it. But she said she’d like to go and take me there. And I thought it was fascinating. She said something like, “Just tell family that you plan to marry me. If we don’t marry, then we can’t go. Everything will be fine if you just tell them that.” That’s how it had to be. Even if we weren’t going to get married, as long as it was the intention, then that was fine. I believed everything she said.

Buying Gifts for Her Family

One thing she said was, “Maybe we can go tomorrow. Maybe we can go and buy a gift for my family. Then then they can be happy and look at you well.” I thought it sounded nice. I was happy to do that. not realizing that she actually wanted to go and buy goss of gold for her mother and a motorcycle for her father which I actually bought. I thought that it was going to be something that might cost a couple of thousand bad but it probably cost me a hundred,000. What was I doing? What was I got happening and what was going on? I was a stupid man but I was in love with her and I believed that she was in love with me and this was just going to paint me in a good picture in front of her family. When I bought this stuff in the morning when we were due to go up, she said, “Oh, I have problem.

My family have to go somewhere else. They working somewhere we can’t go. What about all the stuff we bought? Oh, don’t worry. We can send for them. I felt devastated because I was excited to go and see her family. She was from Ean as you’d expect. And now she’d had this out of me. Don’t worry, though. Let’s see them later.

Let’s go and see them later. That’s all I could say. And it was what was I meant to do. Spent so much money. But I’m still with her and she’s behaving exactly the same way. And it was a beautiful time with her that I was having. But that was a bit of a shock. I think that the way she’s behaving is proving that she’s in love with me, not that her actions are being used to try to get things out of me because money is more important to her. You don’t know that, do you? Otherwise, you don’t do what you do.

Spending More Time Together in Bangkok

After that, it was more time spending together and I wanted to go to the beach again. She wanted to go too. So, we went. We flew down to Phuket. Never been there before. It was a decent place. Had a good time with her. And it was coming to the end of me having to leave the country again. I was thinking about visas and I’d already got her a passport and it was a case she’d actually managed to get it. I’m starting to think about staying longer.

Enough money to stay longer, enough money to do what I wanted. And it wasn’t like we needed to get married. I felt it was a bigger connection that we could have. We needed to solidify what we had. I didn’t want anything to go wrong. I didn’t want her to meet somebody else. It was in when we were at the beach that time when she said something again. I need to go see family, she said in about a week’s time. I said that’s great. Let’s go finally.

I was excited to go. But she said, “No, I have to go myself.” “What about the fact that they were going to see me before? It might be strange that I’m not going now.” She said, “No, it’s different. We have to do something with the family. Don’t worry, you can go next time.” I really was a bit shocked. And she said, “No, I I already sent these gifts for them. What about that?” But she said it would be okay. And if I could help them with some more money, even though I couldn’t go, they had some problems and it was just, you know, you know, winding me in, I suppose.

100,000 Baht for Her Family

I gave her some money. I gave 100,000 back for her family. That was when we were back in Bangkok. I was going to be spending 5 days alone in Bangkok without her, but she was going to be calling me all the time. It wasn’t going to be a problem. Might as well say exactly what happened. She leaves, I’m there upset, and I’m not with her. But I’ll go out and explore some of Bangkok. I’ll have a good time and no problem. Whether this was I mean it was quite blind luck because if I hadn’t seen this, I wouldn’t have known.

Never really went beyond the Asok. I never been there usually. usually stayed around lower circumbent. I liked it there. That’s where I was most comfortable. For whatever reason, on the second night when she’d left, I decided I wanted to explore a bit further. I hadn’t spent much time on Soy 22. Many guys swore by that place. I thought I’d go do some bar hopping along there.

Discovering Another Man in a Bangkok Bar

What happened in the fourth bar, I believe I went into, she was there with the guy all over each other. I walked up to her. What’s going on? She looked extremely shocked. The guy looked shocked as well, and he looked really angry. Don’t talk to my girlfriend. What do you mean your girlfriend? She’s my girlfriend. No, my girlfriend. She said he said he’d just arrived in Thailand and going home in a few days, so we’re spending time.

And it was like it’s my girlfriend. She’s my girlfriend. I said, I’ve been with her for 3 months. She’s living with me for 3 months. She’s trying to talk to him saying no problem. And he’s looking very angry. I think after I spoke with him a bit longer, he actually put two and two together. He asked, “Do you mean she’s been with you for 3 months?” And she looks at me and looks at him and it’s like she doesn’t know what to say. “I said money to you,” he said. “Send money every month.” didn’t say how much, but it looked like it must have been a lot and took a big hit on him.

And how much? I tried to find out, but I don’t know if he wanted to say. I bet it must have been at least 20,000 a month. Sometimes though, he said that he just sent a lot and he’s saying these things to me, but not really. Kind of saying them while looking at her at the same time, trying to ignore me as if it wasn’t real. I was just thinking, damn, it’s crazy.

The Bangkok Confrontation

I was devastated, though, completely heartbroken. wasn’t thinking about the fact I was probably hundreds of thousand bat in at this point believing I’d fall in love with someone and saved her from this world. Now I’m finding out that obviously the night before this was the second night since she’d been with this guy and that filled me with this complete sense of disgust. I was heartbroken and disgusted at the same time. What was I meant to do?

Walking Out of the Bangkok Bar

I just walked out. I think she understood that she might have a better chance with me than with him. And she follows me and says, “I’m sorry. I just needed money for family. Family have problem. I need money.” I said I just gave you a h 100,000 Baht before you went to see them. 100,000 on gifts for them. We were meant to go and visit. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

No problem. She said I’m sorry. I just do one time because I meet him a long time before you. And how I cannot take money. How I cannot take money. He send money every month. How I cannot take? She said, I only take for family. I not take for me. I take for family.

Okay. I see him 5 days. I so sorry. Feel bad. Don’t know what to do. And she’s saying all these things. I don’t know what to say too. It was like she was okay spending time with him for a little bit of extra money and not even thinking how I felt coming out with all this stuff and I’m walking down the street and she’s talking behind me saying she’s sorry. I tell him this, I tell him that, I not do him and this is many things that she’s going on and you’re going to hate me for this. Absolutely hate me.

I just got to Sukhumvit and by the time she’s next to me and she’s trying to hold my hand. I pull her away a few times but she tries again. I sorry I stay with you. I stay with you. I not care him. I not take him money. I just do for family. I said to her, and I wasn’t right in the head at that moment. I said to her, “You just spent time with him yesterday and I tell him month.” She said, “I tell him month. It’s like, you’re not stupid, are you?

You know that she’s lying to you. But you allow that version of what she said to perhaps be real.” I told her I wasn’t happy. I feel sick. I’m not happy. I wasn’t going to let it go like that, though. But she was so insistent. She said, “I love you so much. I want to make you happy. I don’t want to take anything from you and I don’t really mean to but it’s just for family all the time about family.

Reaching the Asoc Intersection

By the time we reached the Asoc intersection, she said, “Can I stay with you? I not go see him. No worry. I have phone. He call me. I show you. I not go him.” Okay, this is what she’s saying. Okay. By the time we’d reach so intersection, I just felt this huge sense of love for her. This huge sense that I needed her.

Okay, it’s just once. It’s happened once. And it made sense. If she’s doing that for her family, then okay, she’s been with me for 3 months. I’m thinking, what about the day I went and had to go to the country and she came back drunk? Was that one, too? Might have happened two times. But if I’m never apart from her ever again, then it can’t happen, can it? And I convinced myself. I just said, “You promise you not do again.” And she said, “Yes.” We went back to the hotel together.

And she was like the best you’d ever been with me. About midnight, her phone rings and she said, “Oh, it’s him.” And she answers and puts it on speaker. He was saying, “I love you for so long. I miss you. We talk all the time. Why you do this?” And she just said, “I not want you. Sorry. I want him. She said that you don’t need to send money for me and she hung up. He tried to call back.

She never answered. And I believe that she left with him and okay, she’s with me now and that’s great. Again, it’s like I’m not computing. The reason that I was there was to save her from that life for the fact that she had nothing. That was it.

Money for Family and the White Knight Illusion

If she’s getting maybe 15 or 20,000 Baht a month from this guy, plus what she’s getting from me when when she’s working, plus other things, she could be making over a hundred,000 Baht a month. If I’d have known when I met a girl that she was making maybe 100,000 Baht a month, I would never in a million years have spent time with her because that would have ruined the fantasy and the illusion of helping a poor girl, which is what this was meant to be.

The Following Morning in Bangkok

The following morning, it was like, okay, I was upset, but I was with her and we weren’t going to be apart anymore. That’s really stupid. The mind thinks what it wants, and the mind wants what it wants. And the heart wants what it wants, too. She said, “Oh, I have something to tell you. Have one more man who said money to me. I speak with him and I want you to know that I not do anymore to him. I not see him when I see you because he’s not come back to Thailand. And I was with him before you too, she said. She said she he sent him some money and she showed me messages with him and she showed me her phone.

There was this guy who you know I’d already met. Then she kind of said she wanted me now and not him.

Another Man Sending Money

Now there’s another guy too probably getting the same amount from this guy. But she said now I not take money from him. I will tell him. I not want to see him again because I meet someone else. I will tell him like this. I thought the fact that she must be doing that, it was a good thing. It was meant that she felt bad about what she’d done and she didn’t want to make me feel bad and she just wanted to be with me. When this guy called, and of course now I’m thinking all the time she’d nipped out to go and buy something from 7-Eleven. Nipped out and it was probably to speak to someone. This guy called and before she had a chance to say anything, he was saying the most crude things that you’d ever imagine about what she has.

I felt visibly sick. She says, “No, no, I have tell you something. I meet someone. I not stay you and I not take money and everything she was saying. The guy got really angry. I sent you so much money and all this and I come to see you next month. No, I not want to see you, she said. And she hung up the phone. To me, that moment proved that we were real with each other and we were together properly. Suppose I think about that for the next couple of weeks as we are together and the more we’re together, the better she’s being, the more exciting she’s being.

I start to believe that everything’s good now. It was then when she said, “Now time to go and see the family.” And I’m happy for you to see them. I’m happy for just to marry with you and no problem. We can go up there. I wasn’t expecting to get married, but it was like that’s what she wanted. And if that’s what she wanted, that could be proof to me. And I wasn’t going to about to say no. Could forget about all the things she’d done and just be with me. I was happy that she was doing that.

Meeting Her Family and Sin Sod

So I met her family. The motorcycle I bought was there. That was real. The gold I sent for her mother was there. That was real. and they were nice people, down to earth, very friendly, welcoming and they made me feel like I was joining the family. It felt great to actually be in that position, like we were moving ahead with things and we could forget about the negatives of the past. I thought we were just staying, we were going to get married and we would talk about it. But I suppose when I was there and I saw where she was from, I saw her children and I saw what she had before. I overlooked the fact of what she did, what she was doing because it was helping her family out.

You admire her and think, well, I’m going to cherish her and I’m going to love her to make her never feel like she needs to do that again. We did actually agree though that we would get married in a few months time. That would mean me extending my stay again for three more months. And I was very happy to do that. Of course, I’d heard of Sin Sod and I’d heard of how it worked and guys who paid and guys who hadn’t. Stupidly, because of what and how I was feeling and how everything felt like it was coming together, I agreed to half a million BAT, which I just felt was, you know, fair. It was going to help the family tremendously. It’s going to put them in a better position and it’s going to be better for her children. She was going to be happy and I was just probably the definition of what not to do in Thailand, but I was doing it all. We returned to Bangkok.

Deciding to Get Married in Thailand

At this point, we actually had decided I’m probably financially okay for a long time. Wasn’t too badly off. And I thought I’m going to rent somewhere. I was looking into visas. Once we get married, I could get an extension of stay and I could live, spend more time, and take things from there. And it was such an exciting time. The days are passing by and everything is just like we’re meant to be together. She’s not going about by herself at all. We go out, we go out together, even to 7-Eleven, even to the shops to buy food, even for everything we’re doing together. She’s not once not being with me because she wants to show me that I believe that she’s in love with just me and she was sorry about what happened before.

And I felt like she was behaving in a way that you would want her to behave to make you understand that there was some respect between us. And I was falling for her time and time again. I’m spending a lot of money. I have to say that during and up to the wedding, I agreed that I would buy her 10 Baht of gold when we got married. That was going to cost a lot of money. I was buying her makeup and jewelry and all kinds of things just to show her this sense of love. I was spending money and I was eating through my savings at a tremendous rate of knots, incredible rate of knots, because this level of happiness I was having made everything feel like that was the right thing to do. She hadn’t once, like I said, gone out at all doing anything at all with anyone else. That’s why, as the days are going by, I’m falling for her even more.

The Village Marriage and 2 Million Baht

By the time we went up to the ceremony, I handed over the money, and I even agreed to hand over more gold. At this point, I’m probably, without a hint of a lie, 2 million bat into my time with her in Thailand. But now we were married. We were married, and we were together. The village had seen, the entire village came out. Everyone looked at me. Everyone waved to me. They looked at me and said to me, “Well, it looked like we were together.” I was starting to think because I had spent such a lot of money that I wanted to start settling down. I was thinking that perhaps it was time to go home and now we were married, we could go together. Of course, I was one of those naive guys who didn’t know the difference between a village marriage and an on paper marriage because we hadn’t done that.

I even went to go and try and extend my visa based on marriage, but of course, I couldn’t because we weren’t married properly and that was it. Anyway, we went away together, spent a few weeks, and after that, that’s when we went to try to do the visa and that’s when it didn’t work. That’s when we decided to get married on paper. She said, “No problem. We could do it. We just need to go and get some paper from the family’s house because they had the house book and they had whatever else we needed. We needed to go there.” We decided that we would do that soon. We didn’t think about doing it there and then. We thought it would be next time we went together and yeah, we’ll sort it out. We’d been together at this point, never been apart once.

More Messages and Marriage Paperwork

And around this point, she was getting more messages than before. She was always getting messages. Of course, you get messages from friends and I had messages from friends, but she was getting more messages. And I just said, “Who are these messages from? Can I look? Who is this?” Because she knew, you know, I’d been serious before about her not speaking to someone. She said, “Just friend, no problem.” She quickly opened the phone and busy typing away and no problem. I just speak friend. I show you and I send for you. Just send message.

I believe at least now that what she was doing was deleting evidence. Maybe she was. I think she was deleting evidence because she handed me her phone. Which friend you speak? Oh, my friend speak. no speak and what all the things she’s saying. You know, English is quite difficult and actually speaking and I should have cottoned on, but I didn’t. There weren’t any messages to her friend. Probably deleted some stuff, but I just thought, “No problem.” So, we continued. I knew we needed to get married properly, then I could get the visa, then we could start planning on going back home.

I’d spoken to her about that, and she said it was fine. Everything would be okay. I couldn’t exist like this forever, especially given the fact I’d spent about 2 million bat. Most of that was just on her and her family. nearly all of it, in fact. I kept saying, “Well, go and get the paper from your family.” At this point,

Trying to Get Married on Paper

I was going to have to leave the country again soon. Of course, she had a passport and she could have gone with me. But she said, “I go see family and you go do the visa.” Stupidly, I said yes. I was going to fly back to Phnom Penh, have a night there, fly back. At this point in Thailand, just able to leave the country and come back in. Not like today, I suppose, which in hindsight was a bad thing because if it wasn’t like that, this wouldn’t have happened. So, I flew back to Phnom Penh. She was meant to go and see her family, and I was speaking to her regularly all the way up until about 6:00 p.m. And I knew she was still in Bangkok. She said, “I go soon.

I go soon.”

Worrying After 6 p.m.

After 6 p.m., I couldn’t speak to her. I’m thinking, as you’d expect, based on what had happened, I was thinking the worst. Thinking all too, though, it’s probably nothing. She’s probably on the way to see the family. No problem. Whatever it was, I couldn’t sleep that night because of worry. Called her a hundred times, but she didn’t answer. The following day I called and I couldn’t get an early flight that day and I was going to get back about midday and I kept calling her and she answered when I was just about to board the plane. You get paper from family? She said, “Yes, no problem.

I have paper. I go back Bangkok now.” Okay, then I’m back about to board the plane and then my plane’s delayed. Typical. It was awful. I had to wait for four or 5 hours or whatever it was to get back. By the time I’m back and in the hotel, she’s there and she’s got the paperwork and it looks like everything’s fine. But something felt a bit off because I couldn’t speak with her before and I didn’t know what it was and I knew how to access her phone because she’d given it to me before. She usually took her phone into the bathroom when she went in. So, I didn’t think anything about it, but I felt like I had to check her phone expecting not to see anything because why would I? Luckily, for whatever reason, the phone was just on the side and she quickly went into the bathroom.

I grabbed it and opened it and basically as soon as I’d left the day before, she sent a message to someone. They sent a message back saying, “See you soon.” It was pretty obvious what had happened. She let her guard down, left her phone and I’d had a look. I’d found this out. She comes out of the bathroom and I said, “What’s this?” She said, “My friend. I thought you went to see your family.” “Yeah, I went.” But how you went to see your friend, too? Which friend? And you’re looking back and there aren’t messages apart from this one and just in one message. She must have been in regular contact with someone. I don’t know.

And been deleting messages. But there was this message and I kept pushing her. What’s this? No problem, she said. No problem. What was I meant to do? I had no choice but to believe her. It was under a name that was a Thai name, but it was an speaking in English. And it was like, what was I meant to do? I had to overlook this one more time, even though something felt wrong.

But she had the paperwork. We’re going to get married. She said, “Okay.” And we did everything to try to get married, and it was missing something that she didn’t have. Can’t remember which piece of paper it was, but she didn’t have it. Oh, sorry. I not have I thought I have everything, she said. That was yet another thing. Or perhaps it was on purpose. I think I’ve gone on long enough now to cut yet another long story short. She was needing to go and get this other paperwork from the family’s place yet again, and it just so happened to coincide with the fact again a few days had gone by and nothing had happened yet.

She’s getting messages and I checked them occasionally and some are from friends. Sometimes I didn’t check. It’s like perhaps I was checking the wrong ones. I don’t know. I shouldn’t have needed to check in the first place. The fact that I was checking messages should have told me everything I needed to hear, that this was not actually going to end well, and I was being delusional.

Going Back to the Family Home for Paperwork

It transpired that okay, she’s going to go back to the family’s house again to get this paper. And she said it was her ID card that she needed, which was at the family’s house again. That should have told me everything, too. No one in Thailand leaves their ID card at the family’s house. People don’t do that. Not in a million years. They have it on their person at all times. But she didn’t. She showed me she hadn’t got it. Probably hidden it.

But she’s going to the family’s house to get that. What a stupid man. I was a stupid man. What that meant was that she didn’t really need to go and get it. She could just say she was. She said she was going for 2 days. The reason that I wasn’t going, which was very unlucky because I was actually not very well. Really not feeling like I could hack going on the bus up there. Couldn’t do it. So, I just let her go by herself.

One day goes by, I speak to her and it seems like everything’s normal. She puts someone on the phone who says it’s her mother. You speak to my mother and okay, hello. Probably wasn’t her mother at all.

Worrying While She Was Away

I wake up the next day feeling a bit better and I felt something was wrong. Something really felt wrong and she was meant to be coming back the following day. I called her in the morning and I just felt something was wrong again. She will come back the next day, she said. I don’t know what it was though. I just felt a sense of unease, a sense of panic that something was happening that shouldn’t be happening. Something awful was going on and she wasn’t actually where she was. Called her again and she didn’t answer. Kept calling and then she answered and said, “Oh, I can speak to your mother.” “Oh, mother, not here now,” she said. Didn’t have video call when we were talking, which didn’t help, which would have eased everything.

But in the distance, I hear this very faint sound in English. And I said, “What’s that?” Oh, cousin, she said. In English? No, she said. Then I heard it again. Then it was like I heard this other faint sound. Again in English. It wasn’t like a voice. It was like I don’t know. All of a sudden it got a lot louder for about 3 seconds and then quiet again.

It was music. It was like I could hear this music playing. This English music. The sorts of music that they play in bars. What was that? I said nothing, she said. No problem. I have to go now. That’s what she said before she put the phone down. But before she put it down, I heard that sound again.

loud and then quiet again. It was as if it was in a quiet she was in a quiet room and a door was opened and it got louder and then the door closed and it quieted down. That was like what it was. And I just felt like all of a sudden that this was so wrong. She must be one of the bars. This was only about 1 or 2 p.m. in the daytime. So, it wasn’t like there were many choices. She couldn’t or I couldn’t get in touch with her again. I was always talking about how bad the signal was.

That’s what she said when she went there. I felt like I had to find her.

Finding Her in a Bar with the Guy

3 hours later, after going to lots of bars around, I found her. She was there with the guy. What are you doing? I was just bored to fight, bought to shout. What are you doing? Just friend, he said. What do you mean? No problem. You told me you’re with family. You told me this.

We got married. All of this. The guy was laughing. He really was laughing as if it was a game for him.

I Was Heartbroken in Bangkok

I was not getting that angry. I was just too tired. But I felt like I wanted to fight him. Why are you laughing? She’s looking at him too like why is he laughing? I just said to her, “Why you see him? Oh, he helped money for family. Oh, the same thing all over again. Help money with family. That was it.

I don’t know. Him have a lot of money. Help. He message speak message sometime. Never seem any problem. And I don’t know what I was meant to think. Told her I thought you were getting your ID card and he looked at me like, “What do you believe that she was going to do that?” Do you know not understand how it works? You believe she actually needed to go and get her ID card from her family’s house? You know that they keep them all the time? It was like he knew what was what and he was looking at me like I was an idiot.

It was as if, and it really was, as if it was a game for him. It was as if he was purely trying to destroy something. And that might have been it. When was it for me? I can’t have a look it.

Walking Out After the Confrontation

So, I walked out. Then she’s after me again. I’m so sorry. I not do I so sorry. Just money. He can give money. He gave 30,000 to see me. Him give 30,000. She kept saying, “I don’t need to take much money from you,” she said. She’s not understanding that she’s probably had over 2 million bat out of me at that point.

All that money for her family, for this and for that, and everything, the gold him give me 30,000 for see him. I’m just thinking he’s obviously being a game to him and he doesn’t care. I said, “Well, him give you 30,000. He’s worth lose me.” She said, “No, no, I sorry. I give you 30,000.” She took out the 30,000 back from her bag and tried to give it to me, but no, it was over. It really was. I went back to the hotel and she’s still there with me. I don’t feel like I want to push her away. I don’t want to do anything bad cuz I wasn’t violent. But I was just completely heartbroken and devastated not realizing that I’d basically been the sort of person who should never go to Thailand because he doesn’t able to be able to understand what actually goes on there.

It wasn’t like I didn’t allow her to go to the hotel with me. It wasn’t like I didn’t allow her to jump all over me and say she was sorry. But I don’t know. But after that, I said, “No, it’s over. I don’t want I don’t want you anymore. It’s finished. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take this. Can’t take everything. I will want you to go.” But my family, we married, he said, “My family like you.

My family this and my family that.” You should have thought about that then, shouldn’t you? I give you 30,000, she said again. And it was like she was trying to push this money on me. And I suppose complete lack of understanding about how bad she made me feel. She didn’t go that night, but the following morning when I still hadn’t come round and that afternoon comes around and I still hadn’t come round, she just said, “Okay, I go. I go back work bar. You do this to me. I go back bar.”

The Final Return to Work in the Bar

So that was I suppose her wanting to get the final dig in. When she said that, it’s like, “I thought you hated the bar. I thought you felt it was disgusting and beneath you and all of these things and everything was an illusion and a fantasy to me. It was just that when I ended it with her, I realized what I’d done and how stupid I was and how the notion of money for these girls is so important. I thought that when I met her, she might have been lucky to get 15,000 Baht in a month and she’d have been devastated to lose even one or 2,000 Baht. But she was getting money from other guys and she was doing this and she was getting money from guys who like to play the game of ruining other guys’ lives. It seemed she was basically playing that game to get money. And I didn’t see it that way until it was far too late.

Losing 2.3 Million Baht in Thailand

All in, when it was all worked out, it was about 2.3 million back that I lost, which was a lot of money. I was sitting there in tears, thinking, “I’ve just thrown all that away, and I don’t even have love anymore. Not even married properly, I don’t have anything.” I found myself a couple of weeks later just returning home, understanding that I’d been living in what I felt like was fantasy land. This complete illusion of reality that didn’t exist. It was one of those situations that you look back on and regret and look at yourself and believe that you were just the world’s biggest fool for doing what you did. I’m not going to say that I fell out of love with Thailand because I didn’t. I worked hard and I saved hard and I visited regularly and I spent time with the girls I did. But I didn’t fall in love though because you can’t. When I could finally move back to Thailand permanently to retire a year ago now, I still had memories of what it was like and all the things I’d done. But it just doesn’t make the same mistakes again.

I have met someone though which is thank which I’m thankful for. It’s not like it was though. It’s not the same thing. Not a bar situation. I don’t know if I’ll be with her a long time or not, but we are similarly aged. She’s about 10 years younger than me. Similar kinds of experiences. She worked a proper job. While it’s not the same as believing you’ve saved someone, it’s still okay. That’s my story in Thailand.

I suppose even though there’s so much information out there now, people still fall for these traps and these tricks that these girls play. I was played and I was played better than many people would have been played. I have to openly admit that even though it’s embarrassing, it didn’t destroy my life, though it took a big hit to my finances. I didn’t lose everything, but a lot more than I should have done. It taught me lessons and it helped me move forwards and I got back my happiness eventually, but it took a long time because I really did love her. I loved her so much and I loved being with her and everything that went along with it.