He Went to Thailand for the Temple But Lost $300,000 Instead

I was in my early 20s when I discovered Buddhism and I believed it was the answer to many of my problems at the time. The feeling like I needed to get ahead, the feeling like I needed to be able to achieve something was always at the front of my mind. As soon as I discovered Buddhism, I felt more at one with myself.

The ability to relax and the ability to live in the moment more. That was something that really changed the course of my life. I’m not saying that I converted to Buddhism, that was definitely not the case.

I had a fascination with it and I studied it and I got to the point where I believed not being a Buddhist, just believing the teachings and believing how the religion operates, it would get me to the point in my life where satisfaction wouldn’t be based on my material things. Of course, when you get married, that changes. Your wife’s desires for material things and goods and nice holidays really puts your own opinions to bed.

Sadly, when the divorce comes around, you start realizing that you were just fulfilling someone else’s dream. It was an amicable divorce. She went her way, I went mine.

We didn’t have children, which was a big plus because that would have been awful. And it’s not like I lost out a lot because I’ve heard many people talking about how they lost everything. I didn’t really lose out because we both worked, we both saved, and we both made about the same amount of money.

When we went out both ways, we had what we basically made each. Suppose we left on good terms, which was important. I have to really state that I don’t have anything against my ex.

I believe that when you’re getting married, as long as you’re getting married to someone in a similar position to you, you’re going to be okay. That’s what I believed at the time. But of course, things change, don’t they?

When Divorce Sent Me Back to Buddhism

When that divorce happened, this was when I was about 40. Time had passed and things had gone by and I got to the point where I was starting to rekindle my love of Buddhism and the culture of how it worked and learning about different countries that were Buddhist. Southeast Asia, at least some of the countries there, seemed to be the place where you would go to be in the heart of it.

I also felt like Sri Lanka would be a good place to go too to have a look at the Buddhism there, although I was more attracted to Southeast Asia. After my divorce, I decided to give myself a year sabbatical to be able to go and rekindle this love of Buddhism to the point of maybe even spending some time in the monkhood. Although that didn’t actually happen, I was just a normal guy, the sort of person who worked hard, played hard, and tried to save hard throughout what my marriage was, what my marriage dictated and allowed me to do.

Allowing myself to basically do what my ex wanted because it made me happy, too. I’m not trying to put blame on anyone. There’s no blame on where blame’s due.

But I don’t know what it was. I was just happy with the situation. And after this amicable divorce, it was now my turn for a change.

In my 40th year, I was in need of some time to myself, and I wanted to go and see what fascinated me firsthand.

The Place That Kept Coming Back Was Thailand

The place that kept coming back was Thailand. I was interested in the culture there and the Buddhism there. I wanted to see a society where Buddhism was the main religion.

Believing that their society would work very differently to mine. Believing that people would be a lot more at one with each other, a lot less materially focused, and a lot less of the mind that it’s time to take care of each other as opposed to just wanting to look after themselves. I know that was a massive mistake that I made based on my understanding of Buddhism, which was maybe a childish version of the religion, not the real one.

That’s beside the point. I found myself taking out this year so sabbatical going to investigate firsthand what it was all about. And I was 40 and I was feeling like I was young again, having my life all over again, starting a new adventure and a new chapter of my life.

I couldn’t wait to go and see firsthand. As soon as I arrived in Thailand, it didn’t feel anything like I expected it to feel. I expected it to feel like a country steeped in Buddhism.

to feel that sense that material goods don’t matter, the sense that your ability to just live and exist matters more. But no, if anything, it was just like it was at home. People wanted to get theirs.

Thailand Did Not Match My Buddhist Expectations

There was this sense that money was king, and I found that pretty much straight away. Although I went and looked at lots of the cultural sites, especially around Bangkok, in the first few weeks that I was there, I was falling out of love with the notion that Buddhism was the answer to my life’s problems. In Thailand, it didn’t seem to be an actual Buddhist country at all.

Perhaps Buddhist in name only, but not in exactly the way it worked. I think after a few weeks of understanding that, it came to the point where I’m starting to contemplate leaving Thailand because I wasn’t getting what I was meant to be getting from it. But I wanted to persevere and I wanted to look at different parts of the country that weren’t the capital.

Perhaps Buddhism was more active in different locations. Although I traveled around to some different places, I found it was just to be the same everywhere. You have to understand, I’m definitely not saying anything bad towards any of the people in Thailand.

They were just normal people going about their daily lives. But I couldn’t understand the obscene displays of wealth that you saw in certain aspects around Bangkok. I really thought it was meant to be a Buddhist society.

But seeing these obscene sense of entitlement from certain people, the obscene sense of this wanton necessity to elevate their status in life, it just displayed to me that I suppose like it was at home where we’re meant to be a Christian society. Yet, if you look at the Christian society, it’s not actually the case, is it? That’s how I found it.

I ended up not long later completely losing interest in Buddhism. I’d spent years interested, years not even thinking about it when I was married. But it got to the point where no, this isn’t really how I thought it was.

It’s not going to change my life in any way. I’m not going to be able to come and live in a different kind of world because I was thinking about moving at that point. Just forget about it, I thought.

And I did. I even went to the Catholic church in Bangkok, which was a very beautiful building. I was brought up Catholic.

I went in there to try to kind of get rid of my sins for even thinking that converting to Buddhism was a good idea. I mean, I wasn’t converted yet, although I thought about it long and hard for a long period of time. I didn’t want to do that until I was in a place where it was real and it wasn’t real.

that was it. Because of that, it was definitely time to move on.

Thailand Felt Like a Land of Opportunity

When I came to this conclusion, I suppose a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was in Thailand, so let’s go and explore and take things on board and see what it’s all about. And I was interested in doing some volunteering work.

I always believed that giving back was something that you should do if you can. And although I wasn’t a wealthy guy, I was reasonably okay off. I was quite fortunate that just before getting married, and this stayed with me, and I didn’t lose this, I did get a small house from my family, which was the ability to give me a more dignified life.

I felt very fortunate about that. I still owned it, and if anything, I should say, I was renting it out when I went on my sabbatical. That gave me enough money, I felt, to cover my sabbatical expenses while not dipping into savings, although I had reasonable savings of about £200,000.

I suppose I should say what year this was because it will make a big difference. This was 2002, so it was a long time ago. At the time, I felt like I was very rich in Thailand compared to how I felt at home.

I was bringing in rent. When I say a small house, it wasn’t a bad house. It wasn’t tiny, but that was bringing me £600 a month.

And I believe that was about 50,000 Thai Baht at the time, plus my savings added up to millions and millions of Thai Thai Baht. And how affordable things were at the time. I was feeling like it was my duty to give back to people less fortunate than me.

I felt like that was something I should be proud of to be able to perhaps when I’m looking for another job in my industry is a little bit of a higher paying position or a howup job because I am the sort of person who gives back and puts people first. I suppose these are the things you think about when you’re doing anything. I decided I would try to find some kind of mission, some kind of place where you could go up in the mountains perhaps in the north where there are remote tribes, do volunteering, teach for a month, and completely give something back, do it all for free.

Bangkok Was Changing Around Me

I spent a bit of time looking into this, and at that moment in time, I was in Bangkok living in what I felt was a bubble to what it seemed to be like around me. But I was enjoying myself. I have to say it as it is.

I was enjoying that part of the world as much as I was quite annoyed and disappointed when I found out it wasn’t like I thought it was in terms of the religion and how people acted and behaved. I was starting to get over that and get to the point where it felt like the place was on fire in a way. I don’t mean that negatively.

I mean that in a brilliant way. It felt like everything was on the go. Everything was changing around you.

Everything was progressing and developing at such a high rate of knots and there was change on every corner. I couldn’t think like that at home. At home, everything seemed to be stale.

Everything seemed to be that’s how it is and that’s how it will remain. In Thailand, you could see potential everywhere. You could see a vision of what the place was going to be like well into the future.

And you could see the changes. Those changes excited me. That’s important for me, too.

Change is exciting and it really is something that you have to embrace and look at and imagine what it’s going to be like years from now. I love that about Thailand and I always have and I suppose I always will.

Volunteering in Chiang Rai

I found this place where I was going to be able to do volunteering actually up in Chiang Rai province right up in the north. A little community needed someone to go and help out and I took it for a month. It was a humbling experience.

It taught me a lot about myself, about the country of Thailand, too, and about the disparity in wealth between the people in Thailand. I thought it was bad at home, but in Thailand, it was much, much worse. It was really like I felt I was doing God’s own work, if you will.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying that because I was Christian and now I was not a born-again Christian, but I wasn’t going to be playing with fire looking into any other religions because no, Christianity was who I was. I was Catholic and that’s what I wanted to remain. I believed that what I was going to do and get from this was the moment I would go back to Bangkok.

Deciding to Stay in Thailand

And then I was thinking about the possibilities of actually setting myself up there. Not returning home and looking for another job, but setting myself up in a kind of situation to take over, to live and exist and enjoy myself. That’s what it was all about.

I wasn’t one of the guys going to Thailand in desperation looking for women. I wasn’t looking for that. I wasn’t really interested in a partner at that time.

The thought of going past some of the bars that I walked past was something that was the furthest thing from my mind to go in. I had no interest in that. It was something I couldn’t understand the appeal of.

And that remained that way when I was in Bangkok after doing that volunteering gig, thinking that I’m in a place that I’m happy, a place I wanted to be in. Guess to the point where I made the decision after I’d been in Bangkok, maybe only 2 weeks after returning from Chiang Rai, that I wanted to stay there. I liked Thailand and that’s where I wanted to be.

It was a decision that I made. What I was going to do there, I had no idea. There, but there seemed to be opportunity everywhere.

There was something at the time that you just looked at and every single place you looked, you felt like there was opportunity. There was something new that could happen. There was difference and things that could just happen and crop up all around you.

And it felt like it was a land of opportunity. I learned quickly about the rules in Thailand with regards to the regulations, and I didn’t really see any issue with how it was. It might be difficult for a foreigner to do things.

But at the time, it was quite difficult for Thai people to do things too because you think about the fact that you’ve come from the financial crisis that hadn’t happened yet for us, but it had for them in 97 and Thailand was so cheap. But if you’re Thai, making money was difficult as it was for many people there. It was a case of it being moving past the financial crisis and things on every corner though looked to be changing, changing at such a rapid rate of knots.

Yet, it wasn’t changing so much that it was going to get to the level it is now for a long time. If you got in what I’m trying to say, I always felt right there and then you will be able to benefit from that and I was quite keen in order to be able to do it.

Meeting an Expat Friend in Bangkok

I met up at this point in an expat convention that was taking place around this time. I met up with a guy who was from a similar place to me. Same age actually same age apart from a few days which we thought was funny.

I hit it off with that guy. He was in timing Thailand seemingly for adventure too. He seemed to have roughly what I had.

same kind of background, same kind of families who we were from and both lucky because they gave us certain things. He became a close friend. To start with though, this expat convention, it was quite considerable.

Learning About Bangkok Expat Life

There were maybe a couple of hundred people there, lots of Thai people, too. Lots of companies selling their services. And that’s when you find out about the particular legal firms that you can use in order to help you with visas.

I found one and it became the company that I used for years after that. This guy was just like me in a lot of ways. two peas in a pod, but maybe not that extreme.

After we’d met at this place, he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink somewhere together, and I said yes. I always like to go for a drink occasionally, but never a heavy drinker. Tried to avoid the bars because I’ve already said they didn’t interest me.

But one thing that this guy seemed to have that I didn’t was a love of going to the bars. When we went to this expat convention, he actually had a girl with him. I thought it was his girlfriend.

He said no, it was someone he met the day before. I thought that was awful, but then again, why am I judging? I shouldn’t be judging.

And then I started overlooking that and I became friends with him. I started to stop judging people because of that. Before that, I was judging everyone who did everything that I felt was wrong.

You can’t do this. You shouldn’t do that. But then I’m thinking to myself, who am I to judge anybody?

Becoming More Open-Minded About Bangkok Bars

And I became a lot more open-minded very, very quickly. When I went for a drink with him, we went to this place on Soi 8. It was a place that looked quite similar to an English pub in terms of the tables and the little booths.

very similar things that you have at home. Pints that were pulled, beers that were imported. It was an interesting place.

I’d never been there before. I didn’t really go around the Sukhumvit area, at least when I was there originally. I love the Thai places more and the local Thai things.

I met him there and we had a few drinks and he had a different girl with him. Again, I’m still at this point not as open-minded yet, but I’m becoming very quickly more open-minded as time goes by. He was just saying, or should I say she was saying, I suppose something that made me come around because he knew I was uncomfortable about it.

Again, when you meet someone who’s from a very similar background to you, in a similar walk of life, you do feel a bit of camaraderie, even though you might not agree with certain things. I think that’s why we were able to talk so openly between each other so quickly. It was the girl he was with who said that she’s very happy to have met him.

Yep. She’s wherever she’s from. Finding out it’s not an exploitative type of situation.

It’s a mutual agreement. And because of that, I changed my opinion, I suppose, right there and then. Don’t be stupid.

These people aren’t being exploited. They’re there by their own free will. If that’s what they want to do, they have their own free right to do that.

And that was how I started to feel from there. Because of that, I wasn’t about to change or change anybody. I would accept it.

And that was a moment in time when Thailand opened up a little bit more for me. Although I was in Thailand now for quite a few months, I sorted out how to stay there. Quite difficult at the time.

I mean, not really, but you had to leave the country and that was a bit strenuous to do that all the time.

Thinking About Meeting Someone in Thailand

And I was starting to think that Thailand could be a place where I might be able to meet someone, too. Up until then, I hadn’t even looked at a girl in Thailand in that way because it wasn’t something I was there for. I’ve already talked why I was there for Buddhism and how that was.

It wasn’t like I thought though that I wanted to do that now. But I was starting to think that maybe meeting someone would be something good. I did speak to my ex every now and then too.

She was amicable when we got divorced and that was how it was. Lucky that she had her own stuff and I had mine. It wasn’t like I lost anything to her.

I was thinking perhaps now is the time to meet someone. I didn’t know how to go about doing that. It wasn’t like they had as many dating sites as they had now.

I don’t even know if they had any. It wasn’t like I spent any time on the internet. I wasn’t an internet guy at all.

Didn’t have interest in going online and doing anything. That wasn’t what my world was about. Even if they did have dating sites, that wouldn’t have been something I would have used.

I suppose back then you met someone by going out and meeting someone. And I was still very apprehensive though about going to a bar. This is after I had a few drinks with this guy, thinking maybe I’ll just go into one of them just to see what it’s like.

I know I hate it when people say that they went to Thailand for this or they went to Thailand for that and they say they didn’t go to Thailand for the girls. I really didn’t. And I hope that’s come across.

That’s not what I was there for at all.

Playing Pool With a Nurse in a Bangkok Bar

I walked into a bar just opposite the road from the place we were at. If you think so, I ate just across the road basically where they had a few little rows of bars and an internet cafe, a laundromat, and other things. Nothing like you see today with all the flashy stuff.

I love how it’s become. I think it’s really gentrifying in a fantastic way. It really is.

I walked into this little bar. It was only basic, very pretty basic pool table and I think three girls in there. Thought I would just ease myself into it in order to see what it was like.

Before long, I’m playing pool with the girl who I don’t know what it was about her. It was just nothing like I thought it would be. The times I’d had actively walked to the other side of the road to avoid those places.

The times when I spent time thinking about being angry about the guys who went in them, it was all wrong. I was wrong about everything. She was happy, bubbly, and a lively girl who just seemed to want to have a good time.

It didn’t seem like she was there by force. Didn’t seem like she was there to be coerced or anything like that. She didn’t have any children.

Found out from a town up in the north called Kamphaeng Phet. She just seemed to be living her life. She said that in the daytime she worked as a nurse and she comes here occasionally because she wants to see if she can meet someone from a different country.

She said she was interested in that and her English was quite good. She said she went to study English even. It wasn’t like a tale I’ve heard of bar girls that I’ve met since.

Because you do go into the bars and you get used to it and you enjoy them. It wasn’t a tale like that like what I seem to be the most common thing. At least my experience moving forwards in time and at least from the stories I’ve heard and the guys I’ve spoken to.

It’s always they meet a girl, usually from EAN, usually have kids, usually sending money home, usually desperate. That was what it was usually about. But she wasn’t like that.

The Nurse Who Worked in the Daytime

She was working as a nurse in the daytime. came occasionally to the bar and it wasn’t one where she had any rules to meet or anything strict to do. It was just basic.

It wasn’t like a heavy business place that’s forcing drinks on people. It wasn’t like that. It was laid-back.

It was calm. It was again a different time of the world, too. It wasn’t like this globalist time at the moment when everything is pumping up.

Of course, I love the changes that have happened in Bangkok. I’ve loved that. I loved how it is.

It’s a place that is still my favorite place to this day. But back then, I suppose a girl wasn’t so focused on trying to make as maximum amount of money as possible because she didn’t need as much. She lived in a place called Nonbururi, the girl that I met, which was quite away from Sukhumvit.

I hadn’t heard about this place before, but she explained that the place she lived in was 2,000 Bat a month, and she pays for it herself. She lives alone, doesn’t have air conditioning, and I thought that was remarkable. It was a case of I’m speaking to her, and I’m starting to feel like I’ve never felt like this before.

Even when I met my wife, I hadn’t felt like this before. Okay, it’s the first girl I’d met in Thailand. All the stereotypes I had, all the thoughts that I had were dead wrong.

It was because of that that I felt like I wanted to come and see her again. I wasn’t ready to do anything yet, and I wasn’t about to do then, but it didn’t seem to be appropriate. She wasn’t there for quick and casual, and of course, she probably was, but it didn’t feel like that.

It was like she was there for something serious, and I suppose I was more attracted to that than quick and easy. I always thought, now this is just how I’ve always been. If something is so easy, then you might as well not bother.

There has to be some kind of difficulty to make it worthwhile. Suppose that was inaccurate thought maybe. And all the things that I talked about with her that night, which are still baked in my mind, all pointed to the fact that she was just looking to meet someone.

That just happened to be the place she went because she wanted to meet someone who was foreign. She didn’t want to meet a Thai person. She worked a job, lived by herself, didn’t have children, and didn’t really send money to her family.

She talked about her family. I don’t think it was something we talked about the first evening, but I found that later on. Everything told me that I need to go and see her again, and I did.

Living Around Ratchadamri and Victory Monument

I was living around the Raja Damry area at that moment. Living, I would say, because I’d already decided I wanted to live there, not knowing what I was going to do financially. But it was okay because I had enough money for the time being.

I was living around there, and I loved it around there. And I just felt like it was the center of the place. I loved being able to go and spend time around Victory Monument.

They had places to eat great noodles there. And I suppose they still have. People saying Thailand‘s changed so much.

Yes, it has. But they still have some of the old world there. You’ve just got to know where to find it.

Be able to look for it. And I think it’s great. I find myself leaving.

I arranged to meet up with my friend in a few days time. I thought I’ll leave it and I’ll go back and see her. Going back the next day and she’s there happy and it was like it was.

She was there the day after. ” She looked a bit shy and said, “Most of the time, but not all the time. It’s not like she needed to go.

Don’t have to go. I work like that,” she said. And I suppose I just took what she said as gospel.

This time, I’m finding she’s quite a lot more forward than she was the night before. She knew I liked her. Obviously, she knew I liked her, otherwise she wouldn’t be being so forward.

I was enjoying the fact that she was hugging me when we were playing pool and she was giving me a little kiss on the cheek. I was enjoying that. I was also thinking I don’t want to be too forward here because I don’t want to come across as being disrespectful.

I wanted to be very respectful because I’ve always been like that. I was brought up to be that way. Just because someone’s in a particular profession doesn’t mean that you can’t be respectful to them.

But she was being a lot more forward. After a few drinks, I decided just go with it. I’ll take her lead.

Whatever happens happens. If this is going to be spending time with her, then so be it. I suppose the problem was though, I’m finding that as soon as I’ve opened up and let loose, we’re leaving together.

Instead of her saying, “Where’s your place? “ she’s saying, “Do you want to go and play pool somewhere else? “ It wasn’t like I thought it was.

I expected her to want to go to my place straight away, but she didn’t. That gave me confidence that she wanted to spend actual time with me, not for the fact that she’s going to make any money and not for the fact that that’s what it was like because she wants to get to know me. She wants to spend time with me, have a good time with me.

Playing Pool in Soi 4

I was up for that and it gave me a sense of happiness I remember feeling. She led me from Soi 8 through to Soi 4 where they had this huge pool hall. They must have had 20 pool tables in there.

There were three upright air conditioning units which I remember were right next to the pool table we were playing on blowing this freezing cold air onto you. I can remember enjoying that so much because it was so hot. Interesting though, she’d walk past and it would blow her hair and it was a fun time.

And we’re playing game after game of pool and ordering food and food comes and more drink. The bill came eventually. She’s saying she’s tired and wanting to see where she would likely take it from there.

The bill came and it was so affordable I couldn’t believe it. ” I took a bit of a step back. I couldn’t remember telling her that I was living there.

I didn’t have a hotel. ” I thought you stayed in a hotel, she said. Told her it was Ratchet Emry and I have an apartment, not a hotel.

And she said, “Yes, I understand. “ Still remember that thinking the way she said hotel, it was like a preconceived thing. Then she’d been there and done that.

I now understand what’s going on, of course. But you just black it out. ” And from there, I just felt like I was inseparable from her.

It wasn’t like she wanted any money from me, too. It really wasn’t.

Learning About Her Hospital Work

The morning after, she said she had to go to work in the hospital where she worked. And I found out that where she’s staying, she said the nurse, it wasn’t actually a nurse. It was something a little bit less than a nurse.

And I couldn’t work it out. It was a private kind of hospital. It wasn’t a big one.

Something more to do with cosmetic style surgery as opposed to other style. And she’s got to work. That was fine though.

” She was very forward. “ No money was exchanged. No anything was exchanged.

But she doesn’t need to go to the bar too to see me again. Doesn’t need to give the bar any money. And I’m thinking this is something I should try to grab hold of.

Everything I’d heard about was wrong and this was right. Everything was perfect. And let’s see where it goes from here.

It was actually that that day I went to meet up with her, that guy again, and told him about things, my friend that is, before I went to see her again with another girl, very friendly with him. And it was something about the friendship that just lasted. No point talking about that friendship because that’s not pivotal to the story.

But I met up with her later after that and I would say a month went by and I’m seeing her nearly every day. After a few weeks, it’s her telling me, “You can come to my office. “ So I’m finding I arrive at this place somewhere in Dinden.

Never been there before. Miles on the taxi it felt like because of all the traffic. It wasn’t necessarily an office.

It was like a studio sort of place. I can’t describe it. The people she worked for were doing cosmetic work in a hospital and they had to pay for the hospital rooms, but this is where they were kind of based and operated.

Couldn’t really get my head around it, but that’s not important. It was a legitimate thing. She worked there and I felt the fact she wanted me to go and see her there was a good sign.

That’s a few weeks and into that month. And by this point, I’m loving Thailand so much. I’m already loving the fact that I feel like I’ve met someone.

But nothing happened to make me believe that this wasn’t real. It was probably around this time when we used to play funny little games with each other. Really funny little things.

Like, you know, we’d be in my room and we’d cut open a plastic bottle and try to throw coins into it from the other side of the room. The loser has to do this, the winner has to do that. It was like we both like the same things.

It’s like we were both playing some kind of stupid game and we both took enjoyment in it. And I can’t remember what it was, but we were playing another stupid game.

Marriage Proposal and Meeting Her Family in Kamphaeng Phet

” I just thought, “Wo, that was a bit of a leap. ” And she just said it again. “ Bear in mind, I was about 41, I think I turned, and she was 26, so not too bad of an age gap.

A normal thing. ” And she said, “Marry me. ” She said, “No, marry me.

” It was really thinking that she was genuine. She obviously wanted what she said she wanted and I thought, well, I’m in the moment. Why not?

She won. I said, okay, let’s get married. And she starts being very happy and shrieking and being excited, saying she can’t wait and let’s go and I want to introduce me to my family.

She had talked about her family up until then. And yes, she didn’t have any kids. She didn’t have any connections to them as far as money.

And as far as I was concerned, she didn’t send money to them. I didn’t raise that because at the time I didn’t know about the family support situation. She was from Kamphaeng Phet which was up in the north.

I don’t believe it was in Isan. I mean it wasn’t and I know now it wasn’t but at the time I didn’t think it was. I’d heard of Isan a lot to be honest.

I felt it was quite exciting to go to that part of the country somewhere where I was going to have to go because I had a connection to it and that felt great. It was like as soon as I said yes, let’s get married after she’d won that game. It was like she had these predefined things that needed to happen.

It wasn’t like we could be two people who choose to get married their way and they could do it in their own time, at their own pace, and at their leisure. It was like we were getting married and all of a sudden how her family felt and how her family thought about things was the most important thing. That was it.

It was like it was all preconceived and that’s how it’s going to be. I was learning the ways of Thailand. I was very respectful of the ways of Thailand.

I was happy to learn about it. Okay, we need to go up there first. We need to introduce you to my family and they have to like you.

If they like you, everything’s okay. and she was really, you know, talking about it in a way that it was just set in stone. She’s speaking quickly as if she wants to get it out of the way, worried I might be upset, but I wasn’t.

I took it all on board and I was happy with it and I loved it for what it was. Eventually, the time comes when we’re due to go up. She’s still working, by the way.

When I found out she was only earning £7,000 Thai Baht a month, that was a huge shock. That was less than £100 a month at the time. And it was a real shock, but she seemed to like it and she was selling, you know, maybe it’s time to stop.

But that hadn’t come yet.

Meeting Her Family in Kamphaeng Phet

She had some time off and we did go up to Kamphaeng Phet. Funnily enough, I wanted to fly, but apparently they didn’t have an airport there, or at least one you could go to easily. we ended up renting a car.

Didn’t want to go on the bus. I didn’t really like that because I’d done that before when I’d toured around a bit. But she didn’t know how to drive, so I was driving, and it was a very eye opening experience.

Although, as I said, I’d been to different places in Thailand on the bus. That’s why I wanted to drive because I didn’t want to do the bus again. When you’re taking yourself and you’re with someone, it’s very different.

As soon as you leave Bangkok, you feel this sense of adventure, like you’re doing something that many people don’t do when it feels great. And I’m not going to lie, it felt like I was really at one with Thailand. It was quite a long way to Kamphaeng Phet.

You drive up basically through the center of the country. Arrived there early evening and she looks, I suppose, on edge, saying, “My house is not good. “ She was saying all these things when we were actually in the town just trying to get me um build up the courage to go.

It was like she was quite nervous. But I was very open-minded. She needn’t have worried.

I was respectful. I don’t care about anything. Eventually, she told me which way to go.

This was when we were in the town. And about 30 minutes, you know, later of talking about this, that’s when it was time to go. She said she thought I would run away when we got there.

And I wasn’t about to do that. So we go to the family’s house eventually and it looked quite different and they looked quite stern. They looked like they were eyeing me up and down.

What’s your purpose? As soon as I did the Thai pleasantries, I’d learned how to speak a bit of Thai at this point. I did the Y saying hello, sweaty cap, and everything that you say.

It started to open up a bit. She’d already explained to me what the family would expect. And I’d already thought that that was fine.

She didn’t have children again. That was confirmed. And she worked like that before again.

But I think that she worked like that in a way that so many girls didn’t. She was there to meet someone, not to make as much money as possible. The family seemed as soon as they knew I was serious and that I was real, they seemed to open up to me in a way which made me feel good.

And I did since was something she’d already told me about. £100,000 bad. And that wasn’t a lot.

I didn’t care. Under a hundred or just over £1,000 at the time, not a lot of money at all. I could afford it.

No problem. And everything was talked about. She took me to this room, a spare room which they had.

And it was basic. Yes, it was. It didn’t have air conditioning and it was bare concrete block walls.

It wasn’t even rendered concrete. Very basic. But she took me to this place and yeah, that’s where we could sleep.

We were going to be there for three or four or maybe even 5 days. And I was taking it all in. I felt quite happy once it was all settled down and we were there.

It was evening and she’d been to the market in Kamphaeng Phet to buy lots of things and they were going to make a barbecue, a Thai barbecue. more family were going to come around and eat together and have a good time, a few drinks, and she was the one who provided that. And I was getting ready putting some of my stuff away.

The Old Boyfriend in the Blue Box

They had this little chest of drawers, but I opened up one of the drawers to put some of my stuff in. I’d always unpacked everywhere I went, and it was a force of habit. But there was this little blue box with a metal box with a hook on it or things where you could open it and a place to put coins in.

But on the side of it, there were stickers. Stickers of her with the guy. And I was a bit taken back.

What’s this? She looked quite similar to how she looked when I’d met her. She didn’t look that much younger, but I was taken back because she hadn’t mentioned anything about this before.

Stickers on the box. You know, in Thailand back then it was very popular to go somewhere like the cinema and they had those little booths where you go inside and take pictures and it would print out and they were stickers. Lots of people did that.

I suppose if I’m being honest, I did that with her, too. She put stickers on this box and, you know, that was it. They were there.

Stickers of this guy and he looked quite a lot older than me. That was one of the first shocks. He looked a lot older.

I didn’t want to ruin the evening, so I thought I’d talk about it the following morning. And she’d ask me when I was eating, “Is everything okay? “ I told her nothing.

I told her everything was fine. Had a few drinks, forgot about it kind of. But

Discovering Her Old Boyfriend

I woke up in the middle of the night, probably because it was way too hot, and I wasn’t used to sleeping with just a fan. Dreadfully hot. , I must have woken up.

And I went to have another look to make sure it was real what I’d seen. And it was. ” I didn’t even realize she was awake.

I just told her I was putting stuff in the drawer yesterday and what’s this? ” I said, “Because we need to know everything about each other. I told her everything.

Told her about my wife, how we got divorced, what I was doing. I even told her about the girlfriends I had at school because I was being open and honest. And she said certain things, but this was completely off the cards.

She never talked about it. Told her you have to be honest and not a problem. And she just told me about it.

She said she met him about a year before she met me. I mean, did she come did he come up to the family’s house? ” I told my family about him, but he never came back to Thailand, and he didn’t contact me.

I went to go back and see if I could meet someone else. Suppose that sounded like a very innocent explanation, although I was older than her by about 15 years. I asked her how old this guy was, and she said 64.

That was something that shocked me. It shook me up, too, cuz it made me feel like, well, she wants to meet someone, but does she just want to meet absolutely anyone? Is she happy with anyone?

I said, was it about him that you liked? And she said he was kind. Don’t know.

” I tried to put it to the back of my mind and thought, “Well, let’s just enjoy our time here. ” The problem was I couldn’t get over this straight away. I felt like she was hiding something.

The days are going by in the house and I stopped thinking about it though and eventually we got back to Bangkok.

Questioning the Wedding Plans

The wedding was arranged for about 6 weeks time. Couldn’t really argue with that. Didn’t bother saying anything.

” She’d had a boyfriend before, but she didn’t want to talk about it. Fine. The fact he was so much older than her.

Fine. Never mind. It is what it is.

” About a week later. At this point, I’d been to visit the family and everything seemed okay. Everything was arranged.

Ultimatum About Former Boyfriend

But about a week later, she said she needs to go back to see the family. And I’ve heard this one before. I can’t go with her.

” She said she needs to prepare for the wedding. That didn’t feel right again. Didn’t sit right with me.

In fact, I kept asking her. I don’t believe it’s right. Something’s wrong.

And I suppose I have to be fair to her. She did open up and say the guy that was her boyfriend just contacted her. Thought still his girlfriend’s coming back to see her.

And the marriage thing was never actually on the cards. It was just something she said. But he was coming back to see her and she was going to go and meet him to break it off with him.

That’s what she said was going to happen. The fact that she told me that, I felt, well, why do you need to see him? Why can’t you just tell him?

She said, I believe that it’s only right for me to do that. I’ll go and see him and I’ll come back, but I want to be with you. She said, that was something I wasn’t prepared to accept.

I wasn’t. I said, no, it’s either you break it off with him or you break it off with me. I gave her that ultimatum, it wasn’t something I could accept.

” And she did. And with that, I believed I had the confidence to move forwards with what we were doing and everything was fine. Although she’d lied about that guy not coming back and perhaps she’d be in contact with him, but she did call him and break it off with him in front of me and I took that as her doing the right thing.

Perhaps it was a little bit of a warning sign that could have given me cause for concern or alarm, whatever it was. But I could have taken a step back from what I was doing, but I believe that she said what she was doing was the right thing. And then because of that, I was okay to move forward.

Marriage, Teaching, and Buying a House in Thailand

we got married, registered the marriage, I got a better visa, and a year has gone by at this point, and we’re happy. At this point, I’m looking for different work I can do. Pretty obvious that teaching is the only thing.

At that moment, I was still doing okay because I didn’t spend a lot of money. I started to do some teaching. With that, we’re living a normal life.

Moved to a different part of the city closer to the school I was working at, and life just ticked over. We both seemed to be happy with each other, and there was nothing that gave me any cause for concern or any problems. About 6 months after I started teaching, we were talking about putting down some firmer roots in terms of somewhere to live.

I suppose this is where things start to go wrong. I knew I couldn’t own property. I could own a condo, but I didn’t want a condo.

It didn’t seem to be something that you were actually buying. You were just buying an empty space in the sky. When you think of that, then there’s a condo, you’re not really getting anything.

It just felt like that. It should be so much cheaper than a house. A house, it’s bigger and you’ve got land, but why is the house cheaper?

It was because of that why we started looking at houses. I had savings. I was going to be able to put money into this.

Going to be able to get ourselves in a position where we could have a house. We found a place eventually again in Dinden. That was where close to the school I was teaching at.

It was on a housing estate. Normal house, a small plot of land. No real room to do anything on the land, but that’s just how things were in Thailand.

We decided that we would buy it and it would go in her name and it would be our residence. We started talking about having a family at this point, actively trying to start a family. just a natural progression of things.

We got the house. It was great and naturally the next thing was a car. I was always using a motorcycle to get to work and I found it a lot more convenient.

You could go weaving in and out of the traffic and it worked well for me. But we needed a car, especially if we were going to have a family and we got one, too. I bought that in her name, too.

For the next year at least, things were great, ticking over, basically covering our lifestyle with what I was earning, doing bits of extra work when I could. still had managed to have a family yet, but there was no rush. Life’s good.

I’ve got income coming in from my property at home. Still got a chunk of savings left. Wasn’t necessarily a big problem.

Buying Condos and Taking on Car Debt

But after not that long, or whatever it was, she’s talking about how she wants to go back to work. She wants to do something, too, because she’s bored. I could understand that.

The problem was when you’re looking at jobs that she could do, it wasn’t like she could make a lot of money. She didn’t have a university degree, which in Thailand seemed to be worth so much. I didn’t have a degree either, but that didn’t matter because I wasn’t Thai.

She didn’t have a degree and therefore the jobs she could get were very menial. Even though she had experience working as a nurse, well, not really a nurse, whatever it is she did, that didn’t mean anything. If she was lucky, based on what we’d found out at the time, she might have been able to get at most 12,000 Thai Baht a month, which wasn’t a lot of money.

” I wasn’t wanting to be a teacher forever. I wanted to do something else, too. But I was happy in the moment.

I suppose at this point we’re talking a couple of years after probably 20 years ago we’re talking about when this is happening and I’m probably I would say at this point 45 and she’s maybe turned 30. A normal relationship, normal life, normal married life, everything normal. And I have to say it again, normal.

” What do you mean go out? I can remember her saying things like this and it was like perhaps she was getting so bored she was wasn’t thinking straight. That’s what I thoughtt at the time.

She just wasn’t thinking straight. She was wanting extra money to be able to go out in the daytime when I was at work. I didn’t really understand how that she could comprehend that that was a good idea.

I’m not working just so you can spend that money in the daytime while I’m working. I’m not doing that. I’m working for our life.

Therapy and Growing Financial Pressure

We went through a bit of a turbulent time. I don’t know what it was and I probably hate myself for this. I actually paid to go to therapy together with her at this a very expensive place in Bangkok, which was a brand new facility, and that cost a bit of money.

Perfect English-speaking doctor, if you could call him that, and I believe it helped. She seemed to come around a bit. A couple of weeks passed and she said, “Okay, she’s sorry.

” She thinks that’s right. She’s found, and this was a couple of kilometers away from where we were. She’s been on the motorcycle around because I took the car to work most of the time.

And she’s been driving around on the bike and she’s seen some very basic condominiums, very, very small ones on the outskirts of Bangkok. Not really the outskirts, if you could call it that, but around in Deng. Basically, the sorts of places where Thai people might live, and they might play between 1 to 2,000 Thai Baht a month in rent.

Suppose if you’re interested in looking at these, you can still find them online, but they’re not the sort of condos you’d buy to live in yourself because that’s not what they are. very very basic condos that might cost a couple of hundred thousand Thai Baht each. She said she’d been looking and she believes that if she buys some, she can rent them out and she can manage them.

If she’s got a few of them, she can basically have that as a job and a purpose and it will bring in some money cuz at the time the money I had was just sad, earning reasonable interest, but that stopped a couple of years after that, I suppose. I got to the point though where she was trying to convince me to give her a million Thai Baht and she could buy five of these tiny condos. They were very rundown kind of places.

I mean, at least today they look extremely rundown. But you can still buy them. I spent time looking into them.

Basically, if she had this, she could get what she said 2,000 Bat a month from each. Is that enough, though? She was adamant, though, that it would give her a purpose and the ability to do something.

It was mainly that and her idea that having this would give her a meaning in life. because of that, I reluctantly agreed. Took some money out of my savings, which was earning better interest than she would get from this, just to give her that purpose.

When I did that, I gave her the money and trusted that she would do what she said she was going to do with it. About a week later, she showed me the chanote for one of these condos, and it was like she’d got one. Took me to have a look at it, and it needed everything doing, painting, and the works.

Not the sort of place you’d think condominium in Thailand, but she was happy with it, and I felt okay, she’s got a project now. She can do work on it, and I’ll leave it up to her. Might as well say what happened.

Buying Cheap Condos for Rental Income

She bought a few more. She did them up a bit and started renting them out. And I suppose they were being rented.

Money was actually coming in. She was bringing in, I believe, about 9,000 Thai Baht a month from these five units, which was not too bad in terms of return, but not that much money. About 10,000 Thai Baht, actually, if I’m thinking about it, because she got 2,000 Thai Baht each.

They were very popular because they were very cheap, and they were right next to factories where people worked. And sometimes three people would live in one unit, bringing in some money, though, and that’s the main thing. And although they might be empty occasionally, if she made seven or eight% a year, it’s something that she can do as a project.

And it’s not like we’ve lost the money because they’re parked in these so-called investment pieces. She can manage them. She can go and collect rent and she can have this purpose.

And that was what it was about. I keep trying to justify myself here by saying she can have a purpose, but it really seemed to be the case. At this point, I’m working extra, thinking about the future at this point.

I had my house which was rented at home which was the biggest bit of income and that had gone up slightly and at the time that was still a lot. Fast forward about 6 months and my wife is not really behaving normally. It’s like something’s wrong.

What had happened? Well, I found out the worse. She’d mortgaged these places not to buy more or not to try to increase this business that she said was a business, but she’d mortgaged them because she wanted to buy a car.

The Million Baht Car and Monthly Payments

I come back one day and there’s a car there. Look at my car, she said. Where did you get the money from?

Well, I mortgage these. Bear in mind that this was a million Thai Baht car and she didn’t know how she’d done it. The payments were 24,000 Thai Baht a month on this car 425 or something like that.

That’s what the car payments were and the places were only bringing in 10,000 Thai Baht a month. That’s when they were all rented. How she’d managed to get that, I don’t know.

Very irresponsible lending. But she’d done it and I couldn’t work it out. But she said, “No problem.

We have a car. ” Well, do you mean how can you pay? You don’t have enough money coming in.

That was a moment when you understand the cultural difference and the significance between intelligence difference between the two cuz she looked so blank when all of a sudden I’m having to spend extra money on this car that she’s got. Not understanding that I didn’t really have the money to do that. Not understanding that that wasn’t what this plan was at all.

But this car meant everything to her. It was a very shocking time believing it was my mistake for actually giving her the money in the first place. You have to understand that when you’re together life’s normal.

It’s not like we’re having problems about anything else. But that was a very stupid thing she did and it was a very big mistake. Although she’d borrowed this money, mortgaging all those places for the ability to buy that car, and the car payments were more than double what it was bringing in, she just didn’t see it as a problem, telling me I could pay.

I had to, and then I’m paying it. I didn’t like it at all. I decided to say to her that it wasn’t right.

I’ll pay the whole thing off and then you can sell those places and give me the money back and let’s get back to normal. Still hadn’t managed to have a family yet, but that was still work in progress. supposed blessing because she said okay originally.

So I paid off this car. She got the notes, put them up for sale supposedly. Time’s going by living normally and I’m leaving her up to it.

And we are living a normal life. I’m coming back from work. We’re going out together for something to eat in the evenings, going on the weekends down to the beach with her and she’s doing her side of things.

She’s telling me everything’s happening the way you would expect it to and the way you’d wanted to. It wasn’t a problem until again I found out it was impossible for her to hide it. That she’d mortgaged them again and this time she’d done something stupid.

Losing Money in a 20 Percent Investment

Really stupid. She’d mortgaged these places. Not only that, she’d been investing in things with friends of hers supposedly that were going to give her 20% a month return.

What was it? She didn’t really explain properly, but she’d invested all this money expecting to get 200,000 Thai Baht a month and shocked that it didn’t work. That’s why she hadn’t told me.

She was so sure it was going to work that she’d be able to pay it off and have this money coming in. then I would been on the wiser. Whether that was true or not or whatever it was, was she gambling or something else, I have no idea, but she’d just lost all this money and it was really shocking.

That was the first time I was actually really furious. I’d never been like that before. And she could tell.

She could tell I was. And I mean, I’m not working for you to just lose money like this. How are you so stupid?

She said that people said that we can make money. People say we can make a lot. And I thought we could continue.

And I thought we would be happy. You don’t need to work. I think you won’t need to work.

That’s what I was thinking. She kept saying, and that was something that really shocked me. How do do you think you can take a million Thai Baht and get 200,000 Thai Baht a month back?

Why do you think that’s going to be possible? But she just thought it was. It’s when things like that happen that you realize that there is such a difference between you and her where you’re just living a normal life and she’s not doing anything.

There’s not really an understanding of a difference. It’s when she tries something that you understand that it is such a real stark difference. And that’s the thing when you realize that you’re on a completely different wavelength to the wife you love more than anything that you’ve spent years with.

Her belief that this is possible was so alarming that I didn’t know what to do. The problem is I’m finding out that she’d mortgaged these places and it wasn’t with a reputable bank. It was with one of those dodgy places.

Why she’d done that, I don’t know. Ridiculous interest, too. And it was just a shocking time.

Paying Off the Property Debt

I had the savings, but at this point I had depleted them. I’d spent half my savings on the house, a bit extra on the car we bought, a bit extra on the other car, which I had to pay extra, and now to this, I’d probably end up with a million Thai Baht. That was it if I paid for it.

But finding out she’s going to have problems if I don’t, I felt like I had no choice, and I paid it off. And I was very angry. She could tell I was angry.

And but we were still living with each other.

The Affair That Ended the Marriage

Then it’s a case of a few months later finding out that she’s been having an affair with this Thai guy who lives in one of the condos, which I’d managed to take the chanote off, so she wasn’t able to mortgage them again. And hang on. she wasn’t able to mortgage them at all, even though she should have sold them.

And it’s like she didn’t do that. And I’m just thinking, this is just crazy and she’s just stupid and I don’t know. They were for sale.

I knew they were. she had this affair with this guy living one of the places, a guy who made nothing a month. I couldn’t understand her mentality at all.

She was there managing it, still thinking she was good, not able to mortgage him. I had the notes literally on my person at all times. And whether she thought that she was trying to get one back on me because I she should be able to do what she pleased, I don’t know.

But it was like my whole world just collapsed around me. All that money, all that effort, it was for N. It really was for N.

She said she was sorry. She was upset. She felt like I didn’t trust her.

But how was I meant to trust her? What was I meant to do? It was a slippery slope downhill from there to the point where divorce was inevitable.

Divorce and Losing Money in Thailand

And I found myself leaving her. She gets the house, she gets those small condos, she gets one car, and I did end up with one. and I had about a million Thai Baht and a car.

Very depressed man I was. What it did though, I suppose, if I’m taking any positives from this, was make me understand what to do and what not to do in Thailand. I did what you shouldn’t do.

I was lucky that I had that job which I was doing. I was lucky that I had the income from my house at home. And I suppose lucky I still had that money, a million Thai Baht, and I still had the car and I was able to continue and I was able to move forwards.

But it really shocked me how as soon as it became clear that she wanted to do something, as soon as it became clear that she thought she could is when everything went wrong. And I’m trusting her with money because she was my wife. Why wouldn’t you trust her with everything?

Trusting her that she’s not going to do anything stupid. And she did things that were so stupid time and time again. Then when I’m angry, she cheats on me with this guy who she had no business cheating on me with because he didn’t have anything.

And it was like she didn’t care about anything. It was alarming. I will say it again, extremely alarming.

Keeping an Emergency Fund in Thailand

It took me a long time to get over that. I was still in Thailand and eventually I got to the point where I was earning better money. I was working for a consultancy firm teaching consultancy at the time and I was doing quite well putting money away and I was saving and building up to a decent point in my life where I was finally able to retire about 10 years ago.

I don’t get a fortune every month but my saving grace was keeping my house at home. That was what saved me. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be retired.

That house brings in over £1,000 a month at this point. Plus, I’m able to spend about 20,000 Thai Baht a month to maintain what I have. And I’m happy.

That was a lesson that taught me never to get involved with anybody else ever again, especially in Thailand. And I haven’t done. Suppose that’s the only reason I’m saved today because of that.

That’s a lesson to any guy. Okay, have casual relationships every now and then. But the moment I find myself feeling actual feelings for someone, those feelings are what where take your money.

The feelings are what cost you and I run away from them. And I’ve run away from feeling time and time again because I didn’t want to lose out. I went to Thailand for one reason.

and I went to Thailand to look at Buddhism and to learn about the culture only to find it wasn’t like I thought it was. I fell in love with the country, made friends along the way, and I had a shocking marriage that cost me a fortune, £200,000. At the end of the day, at least I’m okay in the moment because I haven’t done anything that could have cost me anything else.

That’s the only reason I am okay, and I’m thankful for that. I look back and shake my head at those things I did, not believing that I was so stupid to do them, just believing, too, that she thought it was a good idea to do what she did. And the saving grace was we didn’t have a family because we were trying for such a long time to have a family.

If we did, that would have made things even worse. Thailand can work for you if you wanted to. It can.

Thailand can rip you apart, too. Always have an emergency fund. Always have something to fall back on if things go wrong.

Then you’ll be okay. If you’ve got that emergency and you lose everything apart from your emergency, that emergency can keep you going. Is it worth taking the risk?

I suppose I would say no, because I can’t imagine how great my life would be now if I still had everything I had before. It would probably be 10 times better. But at least I’m still living where I want to live, and that’s Thailand.

And here I will remain forever.