Danny Som and a Second Chance in Thailand
This story really starts in 2004 when I took my wife and four kids to Thailand and the tsunami hit. We ran up a hill, we were fine, but very shaken up. When we got back to England, my wife was a changed woman. Nothing was ever right, and we argued constantly until we decided after 18 years of marriage that we would split up. I then discovered she was now in love with some internet guy she had never met, and she refused to stop talking with him. This was the beginning of 2006.
Breaking up was a nightmare. I was losing the family house, car, and my job. Don’t you just love the system? I’m originally from London but had to head back from my small village to use up my friends’ patience with sleeping on their couches for a week at a time, pondering what to do next.
Luckily for me, an old work friend had by chance just moved out to Bangkok, and he offered me some work if I came out – and so off I went. The thought of a nice hotel bed surely beat the couches of married friends and their annoyed wives. This was April 2006.
I went for a month, and on about the second weekend my friend said, “We’re going to party in Pattaya this weekend.” I had been to Thailand several times – I liked Thailand a lot – and I said, “I’m never going to Pattaya. Never wanted to, and never will.” He said, “Look, I’ll pay for everything. You’re coming. I’m the boss.” So I went. Needless to say, I had a great time.
My friend had different tastes in entertainment than I do, so we split up each night. On the second night there, I met this mad Thai bar girl who insisted on following me everywhere. After a while, I could see she was damaged property, and I wanted nothing more to do with her – but I just couldn’t get rid of her.
First Weekend In Pattaya
In one bar, one of the most beautiful girls I’d ever seen saw my dilemma. The girl called Som came up to me as we were leaving and said, “Look, you look after her. You take care of her.” And I said, “I’ll tell you what – let’s swap phone numbers, and I’ll call you when I get her back safely.
Anyway, I managed to ditch this crazy girl, and the next day I phoned Som – the girl I had met on the previous night. She seemed to be a caring type as well as beautiful, I thought to myself. I agreed to meet up with her.
On the Sunday evening, Som turns up with a friend as she was a little bit nervous to meet me alone. Apparently, the friend took one look at me and said, “He is old and ugly.” I was 43 at the time. But anyway, we chatted, we went out for a drink (ditching her friend), and then we spent Sunday night together, leaving Monday morning with my friend.
While waiting for the taxi, I glanced up at Som driving off on her scooter and could see her looking back. I felt there was something there for her too. So after that, I had to come back for the next two weekends after the working week finished to spend time with her.
After five weeks, I went back to the UK. I must admit I was tearful at leaving – back to sofa surfing. But while back, and before I had time to think, a friend in America said, “I’ll pay for a trip for you to come out to Texas. I know you lost your house and everything and you’re sofa surfing. Come out to Texas for a month, and we’ll have some fun.” I went out to Dallas in June for a month and forgot about Som in Thailand – well, I tried to anyway. Although we did email each other, and in one email she called me “Tilak.” I accused her of mixing me up with an obvious Turkish boyfriend. I hadn’t heard “Tilak” before.
Som And A New Beginning
When I got back to England, I realized that I had to get back to Thailand again no matter what and find Som. So on credit cards, I had to head out to Thailand in August and with a plan to just go for five weeks and see what happens. You’ve got to understand – after losing what I thought was everything and becoming a bum sleeping on people’s couches, I thought, “Damn it, I’m at least entitled to smile once or twice.
I managed to phone Som, and she was very excited to come and meet me. She had moved to Bangkok and was staying with her sister in Bang Bon (that’s on the outskirts of Bangkok). She took a taxi to meet me, and we had a really good night out. From then on, except for one solo trip to Cambodia on a visa run, Som never left my side.
I had said in the very beginning, “I have lost everything. I have nothing. I am not rich or even slightly well off.” It didn’t seem to matter – it really didn’t. But I guess just being able to travel means you are better off than the average Isan guy.
Anyway, those five weeks became one year and three months. I did meet her family – her dad looked at me as if I was from Mars. (If you’re wondering what he means by “Isan guy” – Isan is a rural area in the north of Thailand that a lot of these girls come from. It’s quite a poor region actually, compared to the rest of Thailand.) We traveled around quite a bit, and I enjoyed the sightseeing. My friend Peter gave me the odd bit of work to keep me going, and I just did visa runs to Cambodia to be able to remain in the country.
Now it was funny – I had got back in August 2006, and in September Som suddenly tells me, “I’m pregnant.” Being a complete idiot, I thought, “Well, I have four kids in England – it must mean I’m a super stud.” The pregnancy was one of the reasons five weeks became over a year staying in Thailand, as you will see. I decided that if I could, I would wait for the birth of the baby before heading back to the UK to try and earn some big money.
The Accident And Recovery
Just before the baby was due on April the 27th, 2007, I was on a visa run to Cambodia with Som, and we had a terrible motorcycle accident which ripped up my legs, smashed up my shoulder, and more. We were extremely lucky. Som and the baby on the back of the motorcycle were really unharmed. Under different circumstances, there could have been deaths.
Som told me months later that she had stood on the side of the road pleading for help. People just stared, not wanting to get involved. The police turned up and threw me into a car and off to the clinic, which got opened up just for us because of the accident. There were three Cambodians on the other bikes which hit us, and they were all in the clinic too – although not as badly hurt as I was.
There is a funny side to this story. In the clinic after treatment, a couple of nurses pushed my gurney just outside the clinic doors into the jungle and closed the door for the night, saying they would be back in the morning. I just remember, through a morphine haze, Som swatting mosquitoes off me all night – her real love taking care of me in this mad situation.
The next morning, the police turned up and wanted a thousand dollars – as being a foreigner, that accident must have been my fault, right? They also wanted twenty dollars a piece for blood on their shirts from the previous night, which I paid them. I didn’t have one thousand dollars left, and the clinic was very keen on amputation, so things were looking very grim indeed.
My girlfriend managed to get the clinic to book a taxi, and we fled to the border and onto Trat in Thailand – with the help of a German guy I’d met. He told the staff at the clinic, “If you cut this man’s leg off, he will sue” and told them “I am an important man in London” – of course, but I’m convinced that’s what saved my leg.
Six Years With Som
The police wanted their money, and I was not allowed to leave until they had been paid. Meanwhile, the clinic wanted to cut my damaged leg off. After a week in Trat Hospital, the Cambodian police arrived with a Thai policeman looking for their money. Som asked the Thai cop (who was in uniform) what they wanted. The cop told her they paid me to make it look official, but it is a Cambodian problem so they can clear off. I think he saw Som was pregnant, took pity on her. Anyway, the doctors threw them all out, and I never saw them again.
While in hospital receiving treatment, Som slept on the floor beside my bed, taking care of everything I needed – even though eight months pregnant. After this, I just fell more in love with her.
While I was in the hospital, the baby was born, and I remember looking at it and thinking, “I have four blonde kids in the UK, but this baby has dark black hair, and the baby does not look anything like my kids back home or me.” So I asked her the obvious question: “Is the baby mine?” She said yes. So I left it at that for now, as we obviously had enough problems as it was – including my six months of recovery and no funds.
After a few weeks in hospital, we had to rent a place in Trat for a couple of months while my leg was repairing. Som looked after me far better than anyone has ever looked after me, and I fell more in love with her as she nursed a newborn baby while at the same time still taking care of me. I had to swallow my pride, contact my parents, and ask them to send me money to survive. The money was sent to the local Western Union office. Som had to pick it up and do some shopping as I couldn’t walk anywhere – and not a single baht went missing.
October 2007 arrives, and I have to go back to the UK with this dodgy leg and sleep on people’s sofas again. After about four months, I managed to get some work, and as soon as I got some money together, I went back to Thailand for five months. This was now May 2008. Mad? Sure, crazy? Sure. But that was how I felt at the time – live for the day. Nothing ever lasts. Look what happened before with my stable family life.
On the first birthday of the little girl – May 2008 – I asked the question again. I said, “Look, just tell me – is she mine or not?” She broke down and cried. She went on to tell me that she thought I wasn’t coming back in 2006, and she had hooked up with another English guy – but it hadn’t worked out. When I came back, she discovered that she was pregnant. She had hoped the baby was mine, but she did not know if it was at the time. She had just prayed it was mine.
What Thailand Taught Danny
Deceitful? Yes, for sure. But in retrospect, understandable. So when I went back to England in October 2007, she went and took a DNA test with the English guy who works in Thailand. It proved positive – but he wanted nothing to do with the little girl, and never has. What a low life, I said to myself.
Well, okay – I guess inside I always suspected what I now know. And again I said to Som, “You are going to have to tell her one day that I am not her father – but for the time being, let’s not spoil her fun.
Anyway, fast forward to 2009 and a few trips back to Thailand. We were still together, and she tells me that she’s pregnant again – and this time, 100% it’s mine. It’s November 2009. A little boy was born. He was definitely mine.
Fast forward to now – our son is 11 years old. Me and Som separated in 2012, but we are still really good friends, and we pretty much talk every day online – and I still fancy her like crazy. We separated for a number of reasons – a long-distance relationship being very difficult on both of us being one of them.
I still take care of my son and the little girl’s expenses. And just before lockdown in January 2020, I took them all on holiday to an island. My son had never seen the sea before. I look back now and think to myself – how can I not still love her?
Back then, I was 43, a lost soul. She was 23, alive and full of life. I believe she actually saved me from suicide or a long lingering death from alcohol. I am now 58, and she is 38. She is still a very good-looking girl, and I think probably the love of my life.
No Regrets About Thailand
Peter, I remember you said one time that although the bar girls are very cunning and good at what they do – and they know every trick in the book to separate you from your cash – you had gone on to say that there is another side to these girls that shows great kindness and sympathy when you are down on your luck. Here is an example of what you said.
I am in constant communication with Som. In September 2009, when I finally got my own place in the UK, I had no furniture – not even a bed to sleep on – which I had told Som in conversation after I had moved in. And one week later, a huge parcel of food and cooking implements arrived via air freight from Thailand. Som – although about to give birth to my son – spent all of her money to make sure I had a starter kit in my new apartment. Compare that with having to go to court to get my own work computers from the marital home in the UK.
I think the bar girls and freelancers are not all bad. In most cases, it really is simply the circumstances that most of these girls grow up in – for instance, poverty and the lack of opportunity – seems to cause their lives to go in a certain predictable way. I have met many so-called decent girls in the West, and they never had half the honesty that I met in my Thai girlfriend in those six years we were inseparable.
I have been visiting Thailand since 1990 – maybe 17 times. I have met several men who bet on the wrong woman and lost their house and property outright. However, although this is not normally always the outcome of a relationship with a bar girl, freelancer, or go-go girl – you can sometimes come across a gem among the stones, which is I guess the reason so many sensible guys take the gamble. But unfortunately, the stones far outweigh the gems, and the guys normally come out the loser.
I was very lucky, and I don’t regret a thing. Yes, I would do it all over again.
