Cheating On My Thai Wife With A Thai Bargirl

I know that one of the main things you should not do when in Thailand is to fall in love with a bargirl, or catch any feelings for that matter.

Unfortunately, this has happened to me.

I am totally head over heels with a bargirl and want to spend the rest of my life with her.

There is just something about her that I cannot seem to shake, I love everything about her.

Life Before the Thai Bargirl

I know what you may be thinking, a young fools first time in Thailand and doesn’t know the game right?

Wrong, I have been here a long time and im far past my young days.

The bigger problem than falling in love with a bargirl is that I am already married, to a Thai and have been for the past 20 years.

There is not a huge age gap between me and my wife, by local standards anyway.

I am in my mid-sixties and she is in her early fifties.

Reflecting on My Marriage To My Thai Wife

Granted, there is still an age difference there but not as bad as some of the farang / Thai relationships

When I first met my Thai wife, I did the whole sponsoring thing.

In our early dating days, I would be giving her money for family, food, clothes and whatever else.

That did not stop once we got married, I have supported her for the past 20 years while we have been living in Bangkok.

I bought her land and a decent sized house close to her village that she grew up in, we plan to move there one day, but for now we allow some of her family to use the house.

Building a Comfortable Life In Thailand

We both have ties and commitment in Bangkok, so we don’t plan on using the house anytime soon yet.

She also has owns other land that had been given to her by her parents, so she is pretty well off now.

She has plenty of money in the bank from the money I have given to her over the years, so she has been well taken care of and if anything happened to me she would be fine.

But the point of my story is not the amount of money and support I have given my wife over the years, although some may find it stupid that I did that but I have no regrets about that.

The Shift in Our Relationship

We get along just fine, and there isn’t much for me to complain about. We rarely have any serious arguments or disagreements, and overall, our relationship has been quite peaceful.

But like most long-term married couples, we went from being a romantic couple to more of a friendship-based relationship, where the connection we share feels more like a close friendship than a marriage.

I do love my wife, and I have done since our dating days, I do think I would be pretty lost without her even though the spark is not there anymore.

Revisiting the Pattaya Nightlife

However, a couple of years ago while I was down in Pattaya seeing some friends that had came for a holiday, I stepped into a bar and was reminded of the single care free life.

It had been a few years since I had stepped foot in a bar, and I was completely taken back to the feeling that most guys get when they first experience the night life here.

I had been a bit of a monger myself before I met my wife, so I can’t really judge people that like to spend their holidays in these bars.

In fact, I wish I could do the same every week, even at my old fragile age.

Life Before My Thai Wife

Before I met my wife, I would frequent the Thailand night life as much as I could, barfine here and there and have fun.

One thing I never did was catch feelings for any of the girls I would spend time with in the bars.

There has been a few girls that I would go and see every other weekend or something, but never got serious, just liked the time with them.

I was one of them guys that thought:

“I would never fall for a bargirl, im not that stupid”

Anyway, while I was in this bar in Pattaya with my friends, I saw a dancer there, she already had a customer but she was a spicy piece so I waited until he left and when she passed by me I signalled for her to come over.

Meeting The Bargirl That Changed Everything

She sat down and I soon bought her a drink, did a little introduction and told each other our names.

Ive picked a bit of Thai up over the years of being here, so I tried to impress her a bit, but we soon switched to straight English as she was fluent enough.

She wasn’t the most beautiful girl in the world but she had a lovely attitude and no tattoos, people in my life that have met her since then have said she is a really nice girl.

We only had about 10-15 minutes together because I was leaving with my friend to do some barhopping so I told her that I would return if she’d like, to witch she said yes.

For the next few nights me and my friends just spent nights doing bar crawls around Pattaya, but did not go back to the same bar that I had met this girl.

That was my plan anyway, because I wanted to return to the bar alone so I would have chance to talk to her if she did not have a customer.

I had to secretly wait until my friends had enough of the bars and wanted a night of relaxing.

Returning To The Bar To See The Girl

So a few days after the first initial meeting and with having a night off from my friends, I went back to the bar hoping that she was not with a customer.

I did not want to see her with a customer and me looking like a cheap Charlie by not interacting with other girls waiting for her to finish with her customer.

Luckily for me, there she was, sat alone, with her face in her phone.

Times have changed so much since I used to go into bars, now days all the girls have their faces in their phone or food.

Anyway, I walked up to her, smiled and said “remember me?” She gave me a grin and said “of course”

I asked her if I could join her for drinks and if she was waiting for a customer, she said that she was not busy today nor did she have a customer coming.

This may have been my only chance to get her alone and you never know when a previous customer like me will randomly show up, so we had a couple of drinks and then I wasted no time asking her if I could barfine her.

She smiled and asked “where do you want to go?”

Even though she knew exactly where I wanted to go, I did not want to sound like a complete monger so I replied “We could get some food and then head back to my hotel”

She then said that she had already eaten, to which I cheekily replied “Shall we just go back to the hotel then?”

She shown off another cute smile and said “sure, let me get my stuff”

I made a short stop off at a street vendor to get a little magic pill, and off we went to the hotel.

Cheating On My Thai Wife With A Thai Bargirl

That night back at the hotel she made me feel young again, I have not felt like that for a long time, almost as if I was a teenager again, she was so affectionate.

Times like that do not happen with my wife anymore unfortunately.

We spent the whole night together, it was great, wasn’t awkward at all and felt like we had known each other a long time.

If im completely honest, It wasn’t the bedroom session I enjoyed the most about her, it was the kissing, hugging, laughing and joking that really got me.

She was so loving, something I have not really felt in many years.

She Made Me Feel Young and Special Again

That same week I was just addicted to her, there was only 1 night of the week that I did not barfine her and that was due to me being sick.

Every other night apart from that night, I would go to her bar, get a drink and barfine her almost immediately.

She had even been telling customers she can’t go with them because she knew I would be coming to get her.

We would either leave the bar, go for a walk, get some food and go back to my place, or sometime we would just head straight back to my place.

I even told my friends that I could not come out with them, that’s how much I loved spending time with this girl.

Since that week that I first barfined her, we have been spending time together as much as we can.

Starting A Secret Relationship With A Bargirl

Now, I don’t want to sound like one of these old farangs that fall in love the moment they come to Thailand, remember I have been here for years and years, I know the score.

I know that it is very common to first come to Thailand and be blown away by the nightlife and the beautiful women here, making it easy for lonely men to fall in love.

Again, I was one of them men that thought it would never happen to them.

But since the first night together at my hotel, I had this feeling that we would be together in the future, almost as if it was destiny and meant to happen.

It’s hard to explain the feeling, but im sure a lot of listeners can remember the first time they went to Thailand, met a girl and felt like this.

Even writing this and thinking about our first night together gives me the chills in a good way.

Right, so I want to be completely honest and not miss out some important details about my relationship with her.

Information About My New Relationship

The age difference – she is forty years younger than me, but that has never seemed to bother her, and she has always made the effort to spend time with me, even at an inconvenience for her.

I have never really let the age difference bother me that much to be honest, I guess when you have been in Thailand as long as I have, you get used to seeing big age difference relationships.

In the west, it’s a bit frowned upon when there is a big age difference with the man normally being the one that is older.

In Thailand, its a bit more normal and common to see an older man with a younger Thai girl.

I have never really been generous when it has come to giving her money or supporting her, I have only paid her for the long time rate and even sometimes less than what is the going rate.

She would rarely ask me for any extra money, only when she really needed it, and id happily give it her.

Sometimes, when she did not have customers or was not busy, we would meet and there would be no money changing hands, though I always offered.

Spoiling, Supporting and Sponsoring

I would always spoil her when I had the chance, I would love to see her face light up when we would would go shopping and I’d buy her stuff.

But it was me that liked that, she never really asked me to do it.

Of course, being married made it difficult for us to see each other as much as we wanted to, so for the first year, we kept in touch and just saw each other when and if we could.

I could only find so many excuses to my wife that I needed to travel to Pattaya for the weekend every couple of months.

I couldn’t go every weekend as that is going to raise some eyebrows and questions from the wife would surely come up.

I was completely honest with my bargirl straight away and told her about my relationship situation, this did not put her off.

I had to make it very clear that I could not just stop by whenever she wanted me to, I was not free to do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Sneaking Around Behind My Wifes Back

When my wife would be away visiting family or away with friends or whatever, my bargirl would travel from Pattaya to Bangkok to see and stay with me.

Of course this did not happen as much as I had hoped, and it was a little strange having her in the same house that my wife lives, but its not like we were spoilt for choice.

I enjoyed spending time with her, we would either stay home or go out to places that me and my wife would never visit, so we did not get caught.

Last year, while my wife was away, she came down to Bangkok to stay with me for a whole week.

It was the best week I had in a while, I feel like I spent more time with my girlfriend in that 1 week than I had with my wife in the last 6 months.

She just made me feel different, I felt love and respect again, she had everything I could ask for.

That week, things got a little serious with us and we started talking about the future and what we can do.

Planning The Future And What Could Happen

She explained to me that she does not like the bar work and would prefer to work a normal job and stay with me.

I told her that although I loved the sound of us being together, the situation I am in prevents us from doing that’s.

I could not just up and leave my wife, so we made the agreement that she would leave the bar and move to Bangkok so it would be easier for us to see each other.

This of course would make things a little more risky and closer to being caught, but I wanted to be as close to her as possible without actually being with her.

We still wouldn’t be living together but it would make it a whole lot easier, meaning I do not have to travel to Pattaya to see her and she does not have to travel to Bangkok to see me.

And during this time, I would help her try and find a better job, something that she liked and enjoyed doing.

It would be hard to find  better money than what she was earning at the bar, but at least she may find a job that she likes doing.

Bringing My Thai Girlfriend To Bangkok

She already had a cousin and some family that lived in Bangkok, so I knew she would not be alone when I couldn’t meet her.

Because it did cross my mind that she had practically moved to Bangkok for me, I did not want her to get bored of it here and leave.

She moved in with her cousin, which was lucky for me, as I did not have to support her by paying the rent on an apartment for her.

Only a couple of weeks after moving to Bangkok, she managed to get a job in clothes shop in one of the malls.

This is the part where I started supporting her and giving her a salary, she did move to Bangkok for me after all.

The salary was terrible at her job and a lot less than what she had been earning as a bargirl, so I agreed to give her 10,000 baht a month that would help a little bit with the loss of earnings.

Things were going pretty good to for the first few weeks, we were meeting every chance we got and things were steady.

Unfortunately, not long after settling into Bangkok and her new job, she had to return to her village for a couple of months to help her father after her mother became sick.

Background on My Thai Girlfriend

Her mother and father were separated but still remained close and I think he was pretty much her carer.

She also had a son there from a previous relationship with a Thai guy that did the normal thing that Thais do when their girlfriend gets pregnant, leave her.

She spent a fair bit of time up in the village, long enough that I began to miss her, even if we were still in contact via LINE

After being in her village a couple of months, she went back to Pattaya, because she said she wanted to be around friends and could not get used to the Bangkok life.

She did however tell me that she would not go back to bar work, and shown me that she had gotten a job in McDonald’s.

But once again, she had to return to her village when her father had gotten into a road accident.

By now, me supporting my wife and my bargirl girlfriend had started to takes its toll on me financially, and I was not able to carry on.

Running Out Of Money To Be Able To Live A Double Life

I had to tell my bargirl that I could no longer afford to pay her 10,000 a month regular and a little extra here and there when she asked for it.

Reluctantly, I agreed that there were no other option than for her to go back to the bar to work.

I could not exactly tell her she is not allowed to work in the bar now I am not supporting her. She still needed to make money and it seems this is the only way she knows.

She ended up going back to the same bar that I met her in, so I guess not much was achieved in trying to turn her life around in Bangkok.

Now things take another unexpected turn in my story.

My wife’s sister that had been taking care of the parents had gotten a job abroad, though I think she was just going to another country doing freelancing.

Wife Moving Back To Care For Her Family

This meant that my wife had to take on the role of caring for her mother who still lived in the village and her father that lived in the house I had bought.

Her mother was old and fragile, many things wrong with her, basically she was at the end of her life.

2 weeks after my wife went back to the village, her mother sadly passed away.

My wife did not want to leave her father up there because he was not in the best of health either, so apart from a couple of brief trips to Bangkok, my wife has basically moved up into the village for the time being.

As bad as it sounds, im kind of glad my wife had moved up there, it meant that I could get away with a lot more and be able to do a lot more.

We had not broken up, and I still make a few trips up to her when I can, but I have more or less been living in Bangkok alone, seeing my bargirl every week when she comes down to spend the night with me.

I am a little too old now for the bedroom time, but we do play around and that seems to satisfy us both, she also doesn’t seem keen in having fun with others either.

Does My Bargirl Girlfriend Really Want To Be With Me?

I do question why she does not want to have bedroom fun with others, especially at her young age, but I guess that’s not the be all and end all for everyone.

Though, if we did get together, would she go in search for satisfaction from someone that can perform and not an old farang like myself? Who knows.

I do often wonder, like many my age that have a young girlfriend as to why she is with me?

I mean, she is a lot younger than me, she is beautiful, fun to be with and has a lot more life in her than I do.

Surely she would prefer someone much younger and more outgoing than me?

It is not the typical young old relationship that you see where the girl is with the man because he is rich and supports her.

I don’t support her much, and what I do give her is not a lot by any standards.

When asked, she says that she likes being with me as im a kind man, I don’t get drunk like the typical farangs that she meets in her line of work and that I take care of her well.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend Relationship With A Bargirl

She has told me many times that she considers us to be in a relationship and that I am her boyfriend.

We talk every day, have not really missed a day messaging since the day we met.

She even calls me sometimes after her work just to tell me how she is, how the night went and how business was.

She has only been with a couple of long time customers that lasted a few days, to which she apologised for.

But I can’t complain or tell her not to do that, I do not support her enough for her to leave that type of work behind again.

Obviously, I do not like her going with customers but what am I supposed to do now, we both know it’s what she has to do.

I justify it by telling myself that it is only business for these girls, and they just have to do it to make money, they don’t really like the customer.

Though, that is exactly how we met.

I have told her that I will accept what she does for a living as long as she tells me if she has met someone else and does not string me along.

I would much prefer her to do this and break up with me rather than string me a long and give me false hope.

It’s hard for us in the west to understand why the girls do this type of work, Thailand even though it does not look it, is still a third world country.

A lot of these bargirls have been left with kids and family to provide for with very little financial help from the government.

The conditions some of the people live in are disgusting, especially the poor parts of Isan.

I would say a lot of the bar girls do not want to be doing what they are doing, but when you have a kid and parents to support, sometimes there really is not much choice.

Yes, obviously there are jobs out there, and not all girls become bargirls, but for girls with very little education or experience, sometimes this is the best choice.

You won’t be making the same money from 7Eleven as you would be from working in a bar.

This Is Why Girls Work In Bars

Plus, there in Thailand, many jobs, including very very basic jobs that anyone could do, still require some level of university education.

My girlfriend is not university educated but she is very clever and speaks English at a fluent level, she really should be working in a company or a 5 star hotel or something like that, but without a degree she pretty much has no chance.

With all that being said, and with my girlfriend doing this type of work, I still trust that I am her one and only serious relationship.

Sure, she probably has a few customers phone numbers saved as a backup for if me and her go pear shaped and she’s left alone, but I think that is normal.

I am the one that pays for her room in Pattaya, I am the one she calls when she is short on a couple thousand baht, I truly believe she relies on me and nobody else.

But now I am stuck, I want to spend the rest of my life with this bargirl and help support her and her son properly.

Even though I know all the advice out there is to walk away from a bargirl if you are catching feelings for her but I am way in too deep right now.

I Am In Way Too Deep, Dont Know What To Do

And to be honest, I do not want to walk away, I don’t think she will do me dirty and even if I did want to walk away, I couldn’t.

I feel like I am completely in love with this girl and I can’t just let her walk out of my life because of my situation.

I believe that I can save them and give them a good life, I also think that she would give me a good life in return.

Obviously that is not easy to do as I am married and have a wife.

And with my wife being Thai, I guess she could make my life in Thailand a complete nightmare if she wanted to.

Now, my wife has not really done anything wrong to our relationship, I can’t justify just walking out on her.

Drifting Away From My Wife

The last 2 or 3 times my wife has come to Bangkok, it was not really to see me, it was more to do with her family, and she could not wait to leave and go back up country.

We do not exactly share any intimate moments together when she comes to Bangkok, in fact, we hardly kiss and never have anything to talk about.

I can’t remember the last time we actually hugged and kissed.

It is very clear that she is very comfortable living up there, looking after her father and being surrounded by her friends and family.

Me on the other hand, I would not be able to live there, I much prefer staying in Bangkok.

If I am being really honest, and think about it, I believe my wife would be pretty happy without me.

I think she sees our relationship the same way I do, more of a friendship than a marriage now days.

She has a house, plenty of money, friends, family… she does not really need me.

It’s a hard one to explain really unless you have been in this situation, its like we are together because that is what we have been used to for many years.

My bargirl has said if I left my wife to be with her, that she would leave the bar work and we could move to her village and work it out there.

It’s something that she says she has discussed with her friends and family and that she really does want a future with me.

What Would Happen To Me If I Got A Divorce

But what about me? I will be giving up a house, land and money to go live in my girlfriends village.

Though, if me and my wife split up for any reasons, I would lose of them things anyway as its all in her name.

I don’t think for one minute she is, but what if she is playing the long game and is actually trying to scam me out of everything?

I can’t see that being the case, and I genuinely do believe she wants to be with me, but its always in the back of your mind.

Also, Starting fresh at my old age is not a good thing, I can’t get around as much as I used to.

But I guess it’s never too late, I would rather live the rest of my few years I have left a happy man rather than with regrets.

Either way, no matter which path I take, I think I will be living with some regret at least.

That’s where I am guys, stuck in a lose-lose situation.

If I stay in a relationship with my wife, then I’ll more than likely regret not being with my girlfriend.

If I do take the chance and break up with my wife to be with my bargirl girlfriend, ill be taking a big risk and losing everything that I have built up in Thailand over the past 20 or so years.

The thing I want to do next is go to my girlfriends village with her to meet her family and see what life is like there, if it’s somewhere I could actually feel comftoable living.

There is no point in giving everything up, moving to a totally new place and then realising Its not somewhere I can stay.

I know her family like me already for taking good care of her, but let’s face it, which Isan parents do not want their daughter to be with a westerner with money?