The More He Gave His Thai Wife The Worse Things Got

Meeting My Thai Wife in Bangkok

I started to feel like my Thai wife had a mental deficiency. I had a role, well, multiple roles in our relationship and she, well, according to her, didn’t have any role at all. A cruel irony indeed when I came to that realization already millions of baht deep into this joke of a marriage and the understanding that I’d completely messed up. Not the best position to be in. I can promise you that. Yes, I met my wife in a bar. A bar on Soi Cowboy actually one about halfway down the street. Yes, I was rather angry with myself that I had to suffer that indignity because it is an indignity being with a girl who worked in a bar and everything that went along with that.

I chose to accept that for the fruits of what that was meant to provide. If she worked in a bar, then she will understand that certain things are so important to me that she will never do worse than she would have done in the bar because that would be awful to me. As long as I fulfill my role and promises and do what I’m supposedly meant to do as a provider, then she should hold up her end of the bargain. Unfortunately, things don’t work like they should work. And that’s just life in general. That’s life in a nutshell. It’s very cruel. A cruel irony.

The only thing I can think to say, the thing that I went for to make sure that when I had a marriage and things were like they should be, there wouldn’t be anything to worry about because of something that I did that I hated myself for doing anyway because it felt wrong.

As long as I kept up my end of the bargain. And that’s the thing. I kept my end of the bargain so viscerally, so complete and to the point where I’m doing more and more and more, and I’m spending more and more and more, and I’m giving her more and more and more, and she’s performing worse and worse and worse, and giving me less and less and less. That just doesn’t make sense. I still don’t understand how that happened. I still don’t understand how girls can behave like that. It’s like complacency sets in and they just behave in a way that is complacent.

Why would you do worse for your husband who is giving you better things, giving you a better life than you would have when you met him? That makes no sense. because of how I was feeling. I didn’t want to be one of those guys who just walked away and lost so much money to someone who had cost me so much stress and anguish and heartache and I just didn’t know what to do about it. I rue the day that I even went to Thailand in the first place. It was a huge mistake. I should never have gone. The reason I went was because you hear about what it’s like and the things you can get up to there and you think that sounds like it’s going to be fun.

Money Demands and Emotional Pressure in a Thai Relationship

It sounds like it’s going to be the sort of place where a guy like me can actually get what he wants for a change, where he can actually find out and be himself for a change, not having to suffer through the indignity of a relationship that I had just come out of at home. When again, I was a bread winner and she just seemed to be I don’t know how to describe her. The sort of person who wanted without wanting to give, the sort of person who expected without ever having any expectations from the other party. It was very one-sided. Perhaps that’s just how relationships are meant to be. Perhaps it’s meant to be one-sided, always in the favor of the girl, always in the favor of somebody else, never in the favor of the guy, never in my favor. That’s what it felt like. I was just bored and angry with the world and needing an escape.

And I’d heard stories and the sorts of people did when they heard stories like that. Perhaps you’re with your ex-partner and you’re around the dinner table at a family event, her family this is, and something’s on the news or someone’s read a book or something’s happened in Thailand comes up and we talked about lots of things. So, it wasn’t an unusual conversation to have. They’re all turning their noses up thinking that sounds awful. How awful and pathetic. What sort of guy would go there? And it’s like, who are they to pour judgment on people because of their very close-minded nature? The sorts of people who go there are the sorts of people who end up with someone like your daughter who for some reason just wants me to do everything her way and never give anything back in return.

That’s the sort of guy who goes there believing that he’s going there and not having to put himself through such a difficult and stressful marriage or relationship because we hadn’t even got to marriage yet. Who didn’t want to put himself through that anymore because he’s been there, done that, and doesn’t see the benefit. Thailand’s meant to be, or at least it felt like it was, the place where you didn’t have to worry about that because of course you meet someone and she’s a lot poorer than you. You’re going to be giving so much to the relationship in return. You don’t really want much apart from respect. Don’t be angry with me and don’t reduce your performance the longer you stay with me. Make it better if I give you more. As long as that’s going to be the case, then everything will be fine.

I thought by going to Thailand, I was going to get mine. And that’s the thing. It felt like I was getting mine when I got there. This was about 10 years ago now. And I ru the day because Thailand is still right there in my mind as a place that could have been. The place that could have been, the place that once was, the place that was like the place that I could finally see things and understand things the way I always thought they were meant to be. Thailand was it. Thailand grabbed a hold of me 10 years ago and it was like paradise.

That’s an overused word, but it really was a paradise on earth. Of course, I’m going towards the bars because they just seem to be the sort of place where as a guy, you need certain things. You need to be able to function in your life. You need to be able to go to work. You need to be able to not have any stress. You need to be able to be completely on the go. I had a stressful job, by the way, which didn’t help matters when you have a stressful relationship, too. A relationship’s meant to remove any stress you have.

Why I Went to Thailand

A relationship’s meant to do that. That’s what Thailand felt like. Okay, you’re going to see a girl in a bar. She’s worked there for 3 years. You know exactly what that means. You feel quite sick about that. It is quite a disgusting situation that you put yourself in. But you overlook all the negative connotations that go along with that for the very reason that because this is happening because of this, you’re never ever going to have to worry about being stressed or overworked or not looked after again.

It’s blatantly obvious that that should never be the case. That’s how it should be. That’s why I met the first girl that I’d ever seen in Thailand. And of course, she was an absolute stunner. I will throw my weight, by the way, behind the guys that say the quality of the girls in the bars has reduced substantially since I was there 10 years ago. And I’m led to believe that the quality was not even as good as it was 10 years before that. I suppose that’s the internet rearing its ugly head and allowing people to go online to meet people as opposed to the bars. And you’re left with not the most beautiful girls now.

But again, the bars don’t have the same allure to me anymore. That’s true. If you’re going to Thailand for the nightlife, just understand that that’s the case. She when I met her was an absolute beauty. Was it like Beauty and the Beast? Well, not really. I wasn’t that ugly. And I’m not really ugly at all.

I don’t think I am. I’m not fat, too. Okay. I’m not blessed with a full head of hair, but I wear it proudly and I go to the gym. Even to this day, I still go to the gym and I still try to keep myself in reasonable shape. Wasn’t like I was a beast. It wasn’t like that. But it was a difference in age.

But again, that’s what you go for because you don’t want to have any stress and struggles of a lack of performance and lack of behavior. You want on the go and exciting all the time and you want to fulfill your role. Of course, this wasn’t meant to be a relationship when I was with her because this was just me introducing myself to Thailand and seeing what it was like. And it was brilliant. It was a place where a guy like me could just feel like what I needed was a foregone formality. It was something that happened and that was it. Nothing was ever going to change because of that. Don’t worry about it.

If you need something, you can get it and you can crack on and live. that Thailand operated in a way that my country didn’t. That really made me feel at one with myself to the point where I don’t really want to go back home. I hadn’t needed to go back home yet. I was there for 3 weeks I went and each day was a repeat of the last, getting better, finding that you’re getting more comfortable around how things work. Finding that even then after you’ve met a few girls, looking for the sorts of girls who you might be more attracted to, not only physically, but how they act and how they behave when you see them. I was always preferring the more shy, more reserved sorts of girls. That was who I was interested in.

Thai Girlfriend Expectations About Money and Lifestyle

I spent some wonderful nights playing pool and going out for great Thai food. And I loved food in Thailand. That was something I suppose was fortunate because it allowed me to come to a decision about Thailand much sooner because of how much cheaper Thai food was than all the international stuff.

If you wanted that, you needed more money. Being able to eat a plate of food that you think is delicious for 50 baht is better than eating and having to sacrifice because you didn’t want to spend 500 for something else. And I was blessed with a love of Thai food. And I think it really is a blessing for any guy who goes to Thailand. If you love Thai food, you’re going to get better. And I always believe that to be the case. My introduction to Thailand in 2015 taught me not to waste my time at home anymore.

I was 42 which was quite humbling experience to be at that age and not really feel like you know I’m working a job that’s okay it’s a stressful job but even still it’s doing okay but I didn’t have a family I didn’t have children I didn’t have a wife I didn’t have anything like that why I was wanting that is a thing I was always look back on and say why did I even want that in my life if I had wanted to stay single if I had just been happy with my own company and happy living a single life would have been so much better I was always is of the opinion. Again, this is more Thailand related than anything else. For example, if you meet a girl in a bar and things are fun and exciting, if you get to know her more and you spend more time together and find out actual things about each other and you can open up in a bit of a better way, then excitement should be blown through the roof, not become stale and boring. I made the wrong understanding of that. I did. Then I will admit I’m saying this so that another guy doesn’t make the same ridiculous mistakes that I made believing that things will only get better because you’re giving more and you’re being better and you’re being nicer and you’re providing and you’re showing love and you’re showing respect. You’re showing everything that a girl should want and a girl does bond.

That’s all the girl wants, isn’t it? To be taken care of, given gifts, and to not have to work. Why is it that in return she doesn’t improve how she behaves? I don’t know. It’s like they want everything and I don’t get it. It’s like I don’t know. I’m not saying that anything happened like that in terms of that for me, but I still don’t understand how anything works Why is it that when you’re with a girl and you are showing her love and showering her with respect, showering her with gifts and money and the ability to give her this amazing life that she’d never had the ability to have before, why is it that the longer she stays with you, I’m not saying she doesn’t do anything, just why is it that her performance and her behavior deteriorates over time as opposed to gets better to match her extra things that she’s getting out of you?

Why is that the case? Why does complacency set in? Why? I really want to know. I want to know because this isn’t just things that happened one time. It happens. I suppose if I think about every single relationship I’ve ever had, it’s been the same every single time.

From a Bangkok Nightlife Worker to a Serious Relationship

Every single time that’s been the case. But in a way, that’s it. But I’m wrong for what I did because of everything that went wrong. But I’m right in my understanding of how things should be. I really want to understand and get to the bottom of this because I’ve tried speaking to people and everyone I suppose who opens up and is honest about things thinks the same way as a guy. So why don’t you suppose I’m talking about a bit of foreshadowing what’s coming in the story. Of course when I was back at home I’m missing something.

It’s a big part of my life has been ripped away. Like part of me was left in Thailand. Not any physical part of me but it’s like a piece of my mind had somehow escaped when I sneezed. As stupid as that sounded, it was there in Thailand and I couldn’t bring it back to me. I couldn’t take it back. And it was there all the time. Thailand.

The excitement thinking about it. Could this be the answer to everything I’d wanted? I did, as I said, and I don’t know why I did, but I wanted a relationship. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have children because I’d always wanted that. And I’m sorry for wanting that. I wish I never thought of it, but I wanted it.

And I was starting to think, could Thailand be the answer? Maybe everything is going to be better for me there. Maybe it will work and maybe I’ll finally be happy. I wasn’t thinking that I needed to go back there quickly. When I arrived home after 3 months of Thailand still being there, still being quite frequent front in my mind, I got to the conclusion that I needed to go back. Luckily though, it was the following year and I was able to take holiday leave early that year and I was there halfway through January for 2 weeks 2016. Getting back on track, getting back into Thailand thinking, how do I make this a permanent part of my life?

Not because I wanted to go to the bars every day and go wild and drink and get drunk and spend time with lots of girls. No, I wanted to meet someone because I felt when I was with a girl like that, and as much as I’d already tried to tell you, it made me feel sick what she did before I met her. Of course, it did. Disgusting. She did it. But I’m okay with that. I can’t say anything about then, though.

I can use that to my benefit to understand that she will never do bad to me because of what she did in her past. Therefore, her future has only got to be what she did in her past times a million because someone’s actually loving her and giving her more things than she had before. That’s how I’m thinking about things. And it makes so much sense to me. It makes perfect sense that because it’s the case, there’s nothing that’s going to happen that would ever be bad if you met the right girl. You could meet the wrong girl, be unlucky, and she might scam you or do something bad to you, but you could meet the right girl and you could be happy ever after, which is what everybody wants. You have to understand I never went into this understanding of what things were with the belief I was going to disrespect or not treat right or look down on anyone.

Why Dating a Bangkok Bar Girl Became Serious

No, I was going in to be a million times better than that. I wanted to really love someone and cherish someone. And I got to the conclusion that I would be able to meet a girl. It might take a few more trips to Thailand, but I would. I was going to love her and give her everything she’d ever wanted or try to. In return, I was going to never have to ask for anything when it came to that side of things. Never have to ask.

It would just happen and it would get better as I gave her more. That’s what I was thinking. I was so excited to get back in 2016, loving life, great in the bars, meeting girls, not for anything that was too seedy, just trying to meet a girl who wanted what I wanted, which was a loving relationship. I felt like you could tell quite quickly what a girl’s game was. Was she busily trying to get drinks out of you and trying to get as much drinks as possible? Asking for drinks for other girls, maybe her friends. Okay, so she’s working to get drinks.

Fair play to her if that’s what she wants to do and she’s fully able to do that. No problem with that. But also, if you look at it in the other way, you might meet a girl who’s talking about her life and how difficult things are and she might have a child herself and she wants her to support. I looked at those girls with a lot of respect because they were wanting to make a better life for her family and children. I didn’t really want a girl with a child, but I didn’t have a child, either. And it would have felt weird meeting someone nearly half my age who had a child and I didn’t. That wouldn’t have been right.

But I didn’t want that. Might as well say that I didn’t want it. That time there, I spent time with maybe five or six girls just seeing how things can go and progress, see if they will go further. But nothing came of that. I’m back at home again. Part of me still in Thailand, not knowing what to do. I think it was when I was back that time when I was telling myself, it’s not going to work.

You can’t just go for 2 weeks every 6 months and meet someone. You need to be there all the time. That was when I started thinking about moving to Thailand just temporarily, not permanently. Go to Thailand for a few months, maybe a year even. Take everything in and try to meet someone and try to find what you’d always wanted again. I’m really wishing I could go back to my former self. Hit me over the head as hard as I could to say snap out of it.

Remain single. You’ll thank me for it. I want to go back and beat that guy to a pulp on the street. I want to do that. And I want to do it time and time again. I want to put myself or my former self through as much anguish as possible and as much pain as possible to tell yourself you’re never going to do something so stupid. You’re never going to think it’s a good idea because all that’s going to happen is you’re going to be a repeat of what happened to you when you were at home when you had a few relationships that went the same way.

Life With My Thai Girlfriend in Bangkok

Always the bread winner. Therefore, I thought it was going to be like that in Thailand. It’s going to be exactly the same. Might as well get to the bottom of understanding this now. Don’t do what you’re doing. I want to go back and I want to beat that guy to a living pulp.

That’s me, by the way. I’m saying not a violent person. Never do that to anybody else. I want you to know that I can’t go back and look at myself sat there after I’ve been working for a few weeks. But I can’t get Thailand out of my mind. Wanted to be there. Wanted to meet someone.

I desperately wanted it. And I thought that was the best solution. I did go on a date. I can remember going on a date with someone from home. introduced, went to meet, she was nice, but she was just she had her own career. That was the first girl I’d ever met or woman I’d met who had a career. She was career orientated and she wanted specific things and it just didn’t line up with what I wanted, which was I was the career guy.

I was the guy making money. I was the guy being the provider. She’s the rock that allows me to perform my best. Not someone who you go home and she’s coming home tired and you’re sharing the household duties. That doesn’t work for me. That’s not who I am. I’m traditional.

I am. I can’t help that. It’s who I am and that’s what I wanted. Although I liked her and she was quite attractive, a bit younger than me in her late 30s, but not had much luck herself because of her career focused. Now thinking it’s now or never. I didn’t want to be a compromise for someone who had missed out on things when she was younger. I didn’t want that.

It just made me more even realize that Thailand was the best place for me because I could find what I wanted. I would never ever, as long as I met the right girl, have to worry again about anything. I could really just get on. Okay, I’m going to have to quit this job, but I’ve got more than enough money to go for a year. In fact, I had more than enough money to go for a lot longer than that. A year maximum if needed. By the time I could meet someone, I could get married and we could get to the point where I could bring her home with me.

Trying to Build a Life With a Thai Girlfriend

I already looked into all that. I knew it was very difficult to do, but I had enough money in the bank, which meant I didn’t need to apply with having an income. I had my house, which I still had a mortgage on, but I had enough money in the bank to pay that mortgage for a long time without having to work. I came to that decision about I think it was a couple of months into 2016. I’m going to Thailand for a whole year. I’m going to find the love of my life.

I’m going to sweep her off her feet. I’m going to take her out of the bar. I’m going to save her. Stupidly, yes, I wasn’t a savior, but that’s what it felt like. I’m going to take her away from this degrading life. And I’m going to give her the world. And in return, she’s going to give me herself and her everything and just give me the understanding that I need. Give me the respect I need.

Again, respect is a word that’s so heavily used. But I needed that. I needed to be able to never once ask for what I needed, knowing that needs to be provided regularly. In return, she can have the world. When you meet a girl in a bar, which I did when I was back there, actually quite shocked with myself that I’d pulled the trigger and I was actually there in Thailand with an open-ended itinerary. Let’s take it as it comes. I’d quit the job, would be able to get a new one if I needed to because I could have done a year out. It was going to cost me money, going to cost me savings, it was going to put any sort of retirement on the backtrack, but I didn’t care about that because I was there to get mine.

I rented a place right in the heart of a soi, took it for a 6 months lease to start with. I always thought if I stayed less than I could to lose the deposit, but who cares? Not a lot of money. I was right in the heart of the action and I think the first couple of weeks it was a bit of a shock on the senses when you’re knowing that you’re here now and you don’t have a booked ticket to go home and you’re not counting down the days you’re just living. I got into the life in Thailand very quickly when the thought of actually going back when it came eventually was like no I’m not dreading it now because it’s so far away. Thinking maybe I’ve met someone by now and I’d be because I’m religiously going to the bars again. Then I suppose if I could go back and tell myself not to do something, I would go back and say, “Why did you think meeting a girl in a bar was a good idea. I didn’t like the bars like that.

I knew what had happened and it really did thicken me. The thought of a girl working in a bar for a few years before you met her. It’s shocking it is. It’s sickening. But it was a price to pay for the contentment that you get knowing that you’re never going to have to worry about anything because of the fact that she worked in a bar. It was a big compromise. It was. And it was something that you live with.

Falling in Love with a Thai Woman

The more in love you fall with someone, the more front and center of your mind is a fact. What she did before you met her, it’s there. It’s visceral. It’s shocking, but it’s there. But it is, I thought, a small price to pay because of the contentment. That was basically it. I think every guy must feel the same way who meets a girl in a bar. Might not admit it, but why else would you do it?

It’s not like you need to. You can meet girls elsewhere. It’s not like that. Again, I did meet to go somewhere else. It just happened when I was asking the building manager in the condo building something about some post that I was getting. There was a girl working there and she was beautiful and my Thailand courage was alive and kicking. ” and just ended up going on a date with her.

As much as she was attractive and friendly and nice and we went on a date, nothing happened. And again, it didn’t feel like the same as meeting a girl in a bar. If you meet a girl in a bar, everything is guaranteed. Everything is safe. is always going to be there because she worked in a bar. And I still think that and I shouldn’t because it’s wrong. I went forward knowing that although you don’t need to meet a girl in a bar, it’s the best thing for what I need as a guy who wants total concentration when he gets back home to work, when he gets back to life.

He’s going to need to save up some more money. I wanted to retire at 50, and retiring at 50 would have meant extremely hard work as the time went by. Extremely hard. But it was doable, possible. It would have been more than possible if I had what I needed. That’s what I’m trying to get across. So, it didn’t work out with that girl who worked in the condo building.

But, of course, I did meet another girl about a month or a bit more, maybe 6 weeks actually, since when I’d been in Thailand. I was going to different bars around Bangkok, and I hadn’t been to Soi Cowboy many times. And I tried to go to different kinds of places every night. But I was in a bar on Soi Cowboy, one of the small ones. So I walked in and immediately it was quite early on. Nobody else inside. I took a seat on the sofa area at the back.

A very small bar. No other guys inside, but I take a seat and get a drink. ” But I was just taking everything in. I’ll oblige though. I go and sit over there and that was it. Then she said, and points to a girl stood next to her. She likes you.

Meeting a Thai Bar Girl in Bangkok

Why don’t you buy her a drink? I didn’t really find the girl she pointed at very attractive. But the girl who was asking me this, the one behind the bar, I found her extremely attractive. ” But I don’t really want to buy anyone a drink right now. I always did this just for a bit of fun. Why don’t you buy me a drink?

I said, just joking, knowing it doesn’t work like that. But instead of her laughing and saying, “No, buy me a drink. “ That is, she said, “Well, toss a coin. If it’s heads or whatever it is, I’ll buy you one. “ I thought that was funny. and it actually got in my favor and she pulled open a drink and told me to actually enjoy it. Tossed a coin for it and all and it was like I won. She opened this beer to me, gave it to me, and I hadn’t finished my first one yet, but it didn’t seem to matter.

And I just thought, how fun. But there was no way I was going to let her give me a drink. I told her not to worry about it. I’ll pay. ” or whatever she said. She was just so easy to talk to. And she was beautiful. She really was.

a bit chubby really and she wasn’t thin as some of the other girls you’ll see. Find out later that that’s the alcohol and the drink, the excessive drink from working in a place like that, but she was very bubbly and she was not not really in her world, but she was just there and it was like she didn’t need to be there, but she was. She didn’t have any children because that’s the first question I always asked. Find out that she wasn’t from EAN where most of the girls I’d met were from. Whether that made a big difference or not, I don’t know. But I find I’m just buying her a drink and the bar’s filling up around us. And it’s like there’s nobody else in the bar, even though it was nearly full now. I’m telling myself, perhaps this could be it.

And I’m really liking her. I really was. I said that to myself all the time. And it never really amounted or came to anything. But she was well, I don’t know. I really like this girl. I liked her so much. She seemed to be a bit different to the girls I’d met before.

A Thai Relationship Built on Expectations

I mean, she was she was special. I found that way. And that’s what you do and why you do the things you do. But I suppose in the background I’m noticing the bar filling up around us and she’s working behind the bar getting drinks for people. Then you see a guy reach over the bar and slap her a bit. That makes you feel like, well, she works in a bar and you know that. But you’re thinking, never mind.

You know why you’re there. You’re never going to have to worry about things or anything because imagine being with her. You’re not thinking let’s leave or anything. You’re just wanting to speak to her more because she’s telling you all sorts of things about her life that seemed a bit different to how other girls would say things. She was in Bangkok, she said, for 2 years. She’d come down to spend time with her sister who was married to a foreigner. She just found out herself after spending a bit of time with her sister and her husband.

Not really knowing what to do. Again, it was like she didn’t need to be there. And it was like she didn’t see it the same way that other girls saw it. Working in a bar, she didn’t see it the same way. ” But again, you don’t think that at the time. We were probably on our fourth or fifth drink and she leans over the bar and she gives me a kiss. Lots of girls didn’t kiss you, did they?

But she was like, you know, I hadn’t met that much in a bar before. And it was like she knew she was in the bar, but she wasn’t there. I don’t know what it was and don’t know what I’m trying to say, but it felt different. That’s why we left together. And I was smitten. I was smitten. That’s the only word I can use.

And I thought, let’s see where things go from here. I didn’t feel like, and by the way, she was 24 years old. It didn’t feel like I’d met her in a bar, even though I had. And I suppose I clung to that feeling. I wanted her to stay with me for as long as possible. But no, she had to go back to her sister to make sure her sister, because she lived with her sister at this point, she has to go back there. Everyone wants to make sure she’s okay.

And it was like, okay, well, I’ll come and see you tomorrow. Then you go the following day, and she’s not there. Where is she? Oh, she’s upstairs. Upstairs? Yes, in the bar. and you know exactly what’s what.

Thai Girlfriend Alcohol and Family Expectations

Then you feel sickened by it and that should have told you everything that you needed to know, but you don’t listen to those things. ” It happened quite quickly to the point where yes, she moved in with me and she didn’t really want anything. She just seemed to, you know, want me. She drank a lot and didn’t really drink a lot myself. And I find I’m drinking more because of her just to keep up. One day, we were out at a restaurant like close to where her sister was living.

No lie, she finished an entire bottle of whiskey and coke and she could hardly walk and I’m helping her into the taxi to get back to the condo and she’s just been, you know, she’s throwing her phone on the floor and all kinds of ridiculous things she’s doing. And why I find that attractive, I don’t know, but I did. I just thought this is crazy. She’s wild and I can tame her. I suppose you could say perhaps it could be the thing. I was just loving it. I believed I’d found a girl who I actually wanted to be with finally and I’m just staying with her more and more and she’s just being with me and not wanting anything. Again, it wasn’t like she had family to take care of.

” It was like they didn’t expect it. They didn’t want it. Suppose they were a younger generation and her parents were quite young and they didn’t want anything from her. They didn’t. That’s something that happened as time went by. They didn’t want anything from her because I witnessed an experience that they didn’t want that. If anything, occasionally, and again, I’m skipping ahead a bit here. We’d be at their house and they’d give her some money.

Do you want 2,000 baht? Here you go. They weren’t rich. They didn’t have a lot of money. They were farmers. But it was just different. I had never seen that before. Never heard of that.

And I suppose it gives you the confidence that you really like this girl. I did. Again, I hadn’t got there yet. But before long, I felt completely smitten, completely in love with her, to the point where this is the girl I want to be with. That’s only a month after I’d been with her. I asked her to go away with me somewhere. Let’s travel to the beach. Let’s spend some time away.

Getting Married to My Thai Wife

One thing I found very funny, given the fact she worked in a bar, given the fact she was beautiful, when you’re at the beach, she’s so modest. She doesn’t even want to put a bikini on. She’s got a full swimming costume and she’s got a towel wrapped around, or not a towel, but one of those sarong things to keep wrapped around her. And it’s like she’s so modest. And I don’t understand how that goes together. I suppose when she has a drink, her wild side opens up, but she was drinking a lot less when she was with me. It was as if she only drank in the bar and she didn’t really like to drink and it was like she was calming down a bit and it was like she was clinging on to me and it’s like I’m clinging on to her too. Like we’re both just calming down after she’s worked in the bar and I’m loving everything about her.

Every single thing about her and she’s seemingly just being so perfect with me. Again, I’m not worrying about anything. Things are just happening as they would happen. And she again not wanting much from me at all. her not wanting much of anything. If she doesn’t want much of anything now when we’ve just met and she’s behaving in the perfect way I want a girl to behave with me. If she gets more out of me and better things out of me as time goes by, why does she get angry sometimes?

Why does she complain sometimes? Why does she not perform properly even though she’s getting more? I don’t know. Obviously, after we got back from that trip away, I felt I needed to move quickly again, thinking I wanted to get back to work. I asked her how she felt about me. I really wanted to know. She said she liked me, but she was a bit indifferent in a way.

I don’t know. That’s how it seemed across. But she did say she liked me a lot. She said, she said she wanted to stay with me. ” I wanted to get rush into it. Let’s get married. “ So, we did.

Nothing like everything phased her. That’s the thing. It was like nothing phased her. Nothing was over the top for her or crazy. She was just so easygoing, so effortless to be with, and so beautiful, so lovely, so sweet, and so everything you’d want a girl to be. She called up her parents who didn’t speak any English and she handed me the phone and she’s laughing and saying we get married and she’s speaking to them in the language that they spoke. It wasn’t the Ean dialect.

They were from a province called Lampang, by the way, up in the north. But she’s speaking some different dialect and handing me the phone and laughing and gibling like a girl. I mean, she wasn’t a girl. She was 24. But she was fun to be with. Eventually, the phone gets passed to this person speaking English, saying, “Oh, will you get married? “ I thought it’s going to be to the point where, you know, any money’s demanded from me or anything like that.

Meeting My Thai Wife’s Family in Northern Thailand

We got up there and, well, I don’t know, not like other people have described going to their Thai girlfriend’s house to get married. They didn’t have a substantial house, a two-bedroom concrete house, though it was a bit elevated, bit of land around it. Couple of land plots around the area that they farmed. They had a car, had a pickup, and a few motorcycles. And she had a younger sister and a younger, no, two younger sisters still in their teens. They were both going to school, probably waiting to go to university.

” She wasn’t really stupid. “ and things like that. Well, yeah, you can be lazy as long as you’re not lazy and being a good wife, then that’s fine. But we’re always laughing with each other, and it was a very quick arrangement this marriage because we were coming up to a special day. I’m just sitting there having a beer though with one of the locals in the village and she comes back from going somewhere and she’s got a big present for me that’s wrapped up and got a ribbon around it. Oh, I buy for you. Oh, thank you.

Go and have a look. And yeah, she’s got out and she’s bought me this brand new t-shirt. Wasn’t of course a lot, but she’s wrapped it up and it was like, oh, I think look good on you. She really did seem to be behaving like an actual girlfriend and wife who wanted to be part of your life and that’s what I wanted. There were no talks of sins. No talks at all. It wasn’t like that.

They didn’t want that. They just wanted her to be happy. You find out that she was a bit of a wild child, not doing anything with the guys or anything like that, but she was quite naughty at school and quite whatever. And they were just happy that she seemingly met someone and settled down and stopped the drinking and stopped whatever she was doing and she was going to be a respectable wife. To me, that sounded great. And we got married, registered the marriage, too. and when I was 50, then I should have enough money to retire.

You’re going to play a very pivotal part in that dream, in the realization. You make me able to perform on a daily basis. ” And she was excited about the prospect of going. We spent probably a couple more months just traveling around Thailand and just enjoying being with each other. Everything is as it should be. Again, the thing that’s right in the front of my mind is the fact that yes, she worked in a bar when I met her, but I’m using that, I think, as a compromise to be able to understand that I’m never going to have to worry about anything because that’s so important to me. So important more than absolutely anything.

It wasn’t like I had nothing to worry about. Everything is going exactly as I thought it would go, so nothing to really worry about. I don’t know. We had a fantastic time together. It was those few months that we spent when I was starting to have different ideas. I was already so used to being in Thailand. Already loving being there, loving being with my wife, loving the life I was living.

The Problems After Marriage

I was starting to think I wanted to stay in Thailand. I was starting to think, I don’t know if I want to even go back and go through that grind again and work hard again. If I did that, I could retire at 50 at home. But I could retire now with what I had. Maybe if I lived in Thailand because it’s so much more cheaper and affordable. Maybe I would get bored, but I could do something in Thailand, I thought.

Does it need to make a lot of money? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I could teach because so many people did that. I’d met guys who were doing it and that could be something just to keep my mind active and tick me over again. Not because I needed to make a lot of money, but Thailand it was like if you live here and settle down somewhere, not necessarily Bangkok. Then you could actually live now as opposed to having to wait. I was loving where she was from in Lampang to the north of Thailand. It was beautiful there.

Lots of places around there that you can go and spend time. my house. If I sold that and paid off the mortgage, there’d be around £150,000 there. My savings probably topped out to another £100,000, you know, paid into a pension, which would come at 55, which would give me a trickle of income. And I’m thinking, it’s enough. I don’t need more than that. I’m asking her how she thinks. Do you think it’s enough?

And yes, we could live like this. We could live like that. And everything seemed like it was going exactly like I wanted it to go. And I’m starting to think, I don’t need to go and toil away. I don’t need to go through the visa process for her to go there. we can just live here now. I didn’t make the decision quickly to do that. I didn’t think yes, this is what I want to do.

I spent a good three months going to different places with her, understanding more about Thailand, learning how I could live there and what I could do. I could get a visa because I was married. You could just do that every year. It was so easy. There was no stress or worry, and I could do it effortlessly. So, why don’t I? I think about 3 months of deliberating and still thinking this is the best thing to do or is it not the best thing to do? I came to the decision.

Moving to Thailand and Financial Pressure After Marriage

I’m not going back. I didn’t need to. I put my house on the market, so I followed that plan. At this point, we weren’t settling down yet. We were spending a couple of weeks in different places around Thailand. And remember, when you’re staying in a 600-baht-a-night hotel and you’re spending a couple of hundred baht for food, you’re maybe spending 1,500 baht a day, including everything, including the hotel and traveling around. So, it’s not like you’re spending a lot of money, and you’re enjoying yourself and learning a lot about the country at the same time. Everything was put in place.

I think it was about 6 months after we made this decision when I was in a position where everything had been sold, everything had been invested and it was bringing in enough money to be able to let me continue that life. It was quite an eyeopening moment for me to think I’m retired now and I never need to work again. Not at that moment. Not bored enough to think I needed to do something. I have to say the most important thing at this point I was giving my wife an allowance because that made me feel good to give it to her. I was always buying her little bits of things. I bought her a phone.

She kept losing them. And I bought her all kinds of things. And she was, for the most part, keeping her end of the bargain. It wasn’t like we had a written agreement or a written bargain. The more I stay with you, the more you get out of me, the more exciting you need to be. It wasn’t like that. It just I expected that to be the case.

To start with, it is, isn’t it? That lulls you into a false sense of security that everything is like you’d always thought it’s going to be anyway, and everything’s fine and everything’s great. But before long, I’m living there. We’d rented a place in Bangkok. Didn’t decide to live anywhere other than that to start with. And life just happens. Days go by and you’re living in the same place and you develop your routines and everything’s okay.

And you’re treating your wife like an absolute queen and an angel and everything. And you’re giving her everything and everything is like you’d want it to go. A few months go by and one thing that she’d always talked about was she’d always wanted a car, always wanted one. I was very well not coming from Thailand, having a car wasn’t necessarily something that was special, but to her it seemed to be. She really wanted this car. Really wanted it. It was so badly.

So, I bought her a car. 2 million B, which was a lot of money. A lot of money. And I’m thinking to myself, yes, I know what’s coming in on a monthly basis. I know what you’re spending on other things, and I know that I can give her gifts and treats at the time, so I could afford it. Still quite a long way from getting that pension, but I had enough money. It was fine.

Supporting a Thai Wife and Her Family

Not a problem. I could afford to splurge for the car. Not going to get her any other big purchases though. But this was it. 2 million baht for this car for her. Thinking, not expecting or saying anything to her as such. Well, I want you to be more exciting or even better now.

I didn’t say that. It wasn’t like I told her that. It wasn’t like I was cruel or anything like that. It was just that’s how I thought. I was thinking to myself, I can’t imagine how much better she can be than now. But I thought that’s what it would be like. You know, I thought she would want to be better.

I thought she would want to be more exciting. I thought she would want to aim to please because she’s just had a car out of me. Even though everything was great as it was and I didn’t know how she could get better, there was something that made me think that’s the only thing that could happen. Surely, if you go from one level, you must meet a guy and you’re in a particular level of whatever you want to call it. You meet a guy, you’re not really getting much money, you’re not really getting much of anything. Just one guy, you’re working in a bar. you’re behaving in a particular way at the time and the guy’s happy.

Surely you’ve just had a car. You want to really increase what you’re giving to your husband because you love him because he’s showing he loves you. Surely you want to do that. But it was like nothing moved up to the next level. It’s not like I’m all of a sudden thinking, “Damn, I shouldn’t have done that. “ It was like I hadn’t really developed any firm understanding yet. But why was her performance and her enthusiasm?

Why didn’t it shoot through the roof? I had no idea. It seemed to be the only thing that would happen in my mind, but it didn’t. And it was like, what was this car for? The car was to make her a better version of her already wonderful self, but it didn’t. I should have understood it for what it was then, but I didn’t understand for what it was then. That was a problem.

I kept throwing money left, right, and center for a long time into things because I wanted an increase in performance. Performance is not really a word that’s fit for purpose, but it’s the only word that you can actually use to describe it. And I’ve heard other guys say it and I want it to become a thing. Performance. As a wife, you perform. As a husband, I perform. And I believe it was increasing and getting better what I was doing the longer we were together because she got more out of me.

Buying a Car and Supporting a Thai Wife

But her performance, if anything, was actually deteriorating. Not even staying on a level field. It was getting worse. I’m not saying that she has to perform and I don’t perform. It’s not like that. But I was performing. I’m not noticing it as such straight away.

I’m still believing eventually something will happen. For example, we had the car for 3 months. I paid for her to learn to drive and she really loved it. She was happy and she was happy with me. She never went out with friends and got drunk. Although she used to drink before, she never did that. We drunk together and we went places together and it was fun. Okay.

When we went away the first time after we’d had the car for a few months, I drove because I wasn’t about to sit in the passenger seat with her driving. But even still, we went away together and stayed in a nice resort in Hu Hin taking the car. The fact that we had a car parked outside that was hers that she’d got out of me. Nothing happened better than the time we went away when we didn’t have a car. Again, it was shocking. It was like it was bad. And it wasn’t like her performance was bad, but it was like, where’s the increase? And I just kept thinking to myself, you need to up your game.

I think that’s the thing. I thought I wasn’t doing good enough. I thought I was doing not good for her to make my wife happy because sometimes she’s angry. And I’m thinking, how can you be angry? There was such an unequal balance between me and her. How can you be angry? You’re getting things and you’re being looked after. And one of the prices you have to pay is you have to keep your feelings to yourself and not be angry.

I just thought that was it. It makes sense. It makes sense to me. Nothing else makes sense. Again, I’m not upset or angry at this point or anything like that. I’m just going with it and a bit confused. It was upsetting in a way because it’s not like I didn’t like her anymore. I still loved her more than anything.

Money and Family Expectations in Thailand

She was the love of my life. She really was. Everything was still fun and exciting on one front. It’s not like I didn’t notice though that things were getting better. I think what happened then was because we decided we were living liking living in Bangkok. We were liking living where we were living right in a sock. It was a great place. But she always said that she didn’t really like Bangkok even though she was liking living there with me.

She said it was too busy. She didn’t like it that way. She was just there because her sister was there and she found herself in the bar and whatever. But she didn’t really like it. She likes maybe somewhere else. Wanted to live somewhere else. And I’m saying I could live anywhere again.

Why would I do then? I would move anywhere, somewhere else, anywhere she wants to. Surely that will make her so grateful and do better. I don’t know. I’m just suppose going through a losing battle in my own mind trying to get to a point where I’m getting what I believe I need from my relationship with her. I am in love with her. We’re happy together.

We’re not fighting or quarreling or arguing. But we do have certain arguments and quarrels, but not extreme ones. And I find myself shouting at her or anything like that. But anytime it does come up to a point where we are arguing, the things I say are such as like you used to work in a bar. ” And I like, “I didn’t understand. ” It’s like, “Well, when I don’t feel okay, I still have to reach into my wallet and pay for things. When I don’t feel okay, I still have to pay for the rent or where we’re living.

” That’s what I said to her. When I don’t feel okay, I still have to do everything in exactly the same way. It’s like I’m not talking about being unwell or anything. I’m just saying just not in the mood or whatever that it’s like she wanted and she thought that. Again, this is not anything that’s giving me anything to think I need to end this now and get it over with because I was still in love with her. I suppose I kept digging myself into a deeper hole thinking it’s going to change and get better. But it never did.

What I’m going to have to get to at the end is we decided though that okay, let’s think about moving. She was from Lampang and just to north of that there was Chiang Mai. She said she always liked it there. She said she spent time there when she was younger and she could see herself living there. We went up for a look and it was a nice place and we rented somewhere to live up there and started a new life there. Again, she was just being good enough to maintain how things were going, but not I believe. I never felt blown away.

Family Obligations and Money in a Thai Marriage

I think that’s the thing. I never felt shocked like she thought about something all day. Oh, what can I do to make him happy? What can I do? She never did that. And it’s like she never spent time thinking about it and I did. What can I do for her today?

Oh, I’ll go and take her shopping. What can I do for her today? Oh, I’ll take her to her favorite restaurant. What can I do for her today? Oh, I will give her some money. What can I do for her today? It was like she never thought about that. Oh, why can I do for him later?

It was like I always thought that would happen, but she never did. Again, I’m thinking to myself, she used to work in a bar. She used to work in a bar at this point. I think it was after we’d been in Chiang Mai for a month. And I’m starting to get really depressed and starting to get a bit angry with her about things. And she was just never really understood where I was coming from. ” she would say. I love you.

We Okay. Yes, we were. But you weren’t keeping up your end of the bargain. You were a bar girl. Again, she said at this point, I think she didn’t understand what I was saying. ” We had a month of complete amazement. Complete amazement. I think I thought she’d finally understood.

I thought everything was going to be okay. Little did I know that she was probably plotting how to strip me of even more money. After that month, and things continued to get better after that, she’d convinced me to buy a house, believing that that would solidify her newfound behavior and how she was being and get even better from there. I’m not saying that she wasn’t nice before that. I was just saying she never kept her end of the bargain. She never gave equal value. Now, it seemed that she was, and it was everything that I’d always wanted in my life. I spent 4 million baht on a house.

The Cost of a Thai Marriage

4 million baht on a house that was hers. That meant I would probably need to get a job teaching and I’d always wanted to do something anyway. I’ll keep my end of the bargain. She’ll keep hers. Moving to the house, everything was great. We went away together actually after we’d been there for a few months up till you know this mountainous area. Can’t remember what it’s called, but they’ve got those white tent things and we were staying there. Yeah, it was that evening though when Yeah, I can’t remember exactly what happened, but we had something to eat and I’m excited wondering what’s going to happen and what she’s going to do.

Taking her away got her a house and she just said, “Oh, I’m tired. You know, I looked at her. What do you mean tired? I’m tired, too. At this point, I hadn’t got a job yet. I didn’t feel the need to do that yet, but it was something I was looking forward to doing, and I didn’t mind. I didn’t spend I suppose I did spend a lot of money, but it was all on her in terms of living expenses.

We didn’t spend a lot, and she was probably getting a lot out of me, but I didn’t care because I thought I was keeping up my end of the bargain. Oh, I’m tired. What do you mean you’re tired? Scratching my head. You have a house and a car. When you met me, you had nothing. And I remember distinctly you saying, and this is after we’d been having a few drinks.

I remember saying you were tired and you were really tired. You wanted to sleep, you said. And I remember that. I said, when you met me, you got thousands more times out of what you had me. Now you’re behaving worse because when you were tired before, it didn’t matter. That was the moment. I was just You might be thinking, I only care about one thing.

You might be thinking that. Are you right to think that? Maybe you are, or maybe you’re not. But it’s not that. It wasn’t just one thing. I want many things. a wife who is keeping up her end of the bargain.

It’s not necessarily wanting it. It’s her belief that she doesn’t want to provide even if he doesn’t want to. It’s like that’s the end of the bargain, I believe. I’m not saying it fell apart then. But the problem is she’s got some brilliant days and some not brilliant days. I mean, on a I’m on a roller coaster of emotions because she’s being my wife. Everything’s fine.

Why My Thai Marriage Started to Break Down

Then when she’s not, everything’s not and it’s awful. I’m not saying she’s doing anything negative like going out or anything like that. She’s always with me and she’s always being respectful. We are thinking about having children at some point too, but I wasn’t ready for that yet. But I’m now thinking, what have I done? What have I done?

Back in the house. Okay, I’m not again probably a couple of months time thinking I look for a teaching position. My days go from being the best days of my life to the worst days of my life, right next to each other. I honestly believe that her ploy was to do exactly the way I wanted to get that house and then tone down because it was like after the house had settled in, she was toning down. And what was I meant to do? I couldn’t be angry because she’s got the house. She’s got the car.

How long would that take to try and fight that? I’d signed a paper at the district office to say that the money was hers when it was bought and I had no claim over it. I couldn’t do anything about it. 4 million bad million in a bit for the car and probably all the other money I’d spent. Hundreds of thousands of pounds give or take maybe about 200,000. My life was worse at the end of the day as the days are going by because we’re quarreling and arguing the more and more. And she’s got out of me what she wanted and now that’s it.

It was like she played me. It was about 6 months that I lasted after that. The thing is, some days were good, but I needed a good day to be every day, to be a normal day. Then she’s wondering, “Why you not take me anywhere for a long time? Why you not do this? “ But it was a cruel irony. A cruel irony when I came to the realization that just because I met her in a bar doesn’t mean that that is a benchmark for her and everything that she does with me from there starts at that level and has to be better.

Just because I gave her more things doesn’t mean she’s going to be a nicer person or perform better. Just because I perform better doesn’t mean she’s going to look at that as being part of a normal relationship and part of a normal marriage. But I didn’t see it that way. I saw what I did as an investment into a better wife. Every single thing I did was an investment into her performing better. If anything, she she had complacency set in. I suppose before we got the house, it was already the writing was already on the wall.

I told her she said she would change and she did change. And it was that month and a bit of complete perfection that caught me off guard and made me think she’s finally understands what’s what. So, I will buy the house. Okay, I’ll need to work, but I don’t care. Need to do something anyway. Going to get bored, so I’ll buy it. Then it was her starting out in the house.

Why the Marriage Failed

Then that absolutely shocking incident when we went to day together. Why would I go away and spend money? Because I want my wife to be better than normal. Why would I take her somewhere? Because I want her to be better when I take her away, not worse. What are we going for?

What am I doing anything for? I came into myself when I’m doing anything for at all. And it was like she’d wrapped me around her finger to such a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take the huge ups and downs of day-to-day life because she held me right there and then like she wanted me and I couldn’t do a tin thing at all. Just like that, we got divorced. She got the house, she got the car, and lots of other stuff out of me. And I’d lost a fortune. No house at home.

I was older in a position where life didn’t work. Didn’t even have children. coming to the understanding that I should have just stayed single. If you stay single, it’s cheaper, it’s cheaper, and it’s more fun. You don’t have to worry about someone’s feelings and how they might or might not perform properly or how they might or might not do things or might or might not do that. Even though you think you’re doing so much to prevent that from happening, it doesn’t because she doesn’t see it that way. I loved her more than anything. She was the love of my life.

I still have strong feelings for her today. Even today, even though it’s such a long time ago, I still have those feelings. Still miss her. can’t do anything about it, though, because she ruled the roost. Her behavior was how our life was. She was okay. Life was brilliant and perfect. She wasn’t okay.

Life was the exact opposite of that. All I could think about was what she used to do, but how she worked in the bar. How dare she do worse? I took the fact that she worked in the bar and hated it. I felt awful about it. It always came to mind. But I took that for the very understanding that I don’t have anything to worry about because I don’t want to have to worry about anything. But I did worry about things.

Leaving a Failed Thai Marriage

And it got to such a bad level that my life just completely fell apart. I did find myself going back home. Yes, I got another job and yes, I started to make more money, but it was bittersweet. It was awful because she’d had all that out of me and I hadn’t had anything out of her apart from things getting worse as I was with her instead of better. If someone’s doing nicer to me, I will do nicer to them. If someone’s giving me more things, I will give them more.

Not anything like it’s an agreement, but it’s like that’s what it’s for, isn’t it? But it didn’t work like that for me. It got worse. I believe she played that house out of me. I do believe that. And that’s a cruel thing to do. We could have lived happily ever after. She could have had more out of me.

And yeah, I’m hitting my pension now. It would have been a better life that we’ve been having together. And all she needed to do was keep up her end of the bargain. It was an unwritten bargain. That’s the thing. It wasn’t an agreement that was set in stone. I give you more, you give me more. It wasn’t agreed.

It was just how it made sense to me because nothing else did. Thailand is something I regret. Thailand is a place I regret going to. And I ru the day I went. And I wish I never did. But I did. And I can’t do anything about it now. It was awful.

And I haven’t had a relationship since. And yes, I haven’t had a family. I haven’t had and fulfilled that dream. and I would probably be living a more exciting life. I’m not. That’s a difficult thing. It was wanting someone to love someone and give someone the world, only expecting her to give me her whole self back in return. I wanted to give her the world and I wanted her to give me her and she gave me her, just not her whole self.