How He Lost His Marriage In Thailand

First Trip To Thailand

My name is Jonathan and my story begins with my second trip to Thailand with my brother. I was a divorced teacher in California when my brother called me one day in October 2012. He told me he had already bought me a ticket to Thailand for November and that it was nonrefundable. I’d never been to Southeast Asia before and with a free ticket on offer, why would I say no? We arrived after what was by far the longest and most exhausting journey I had ever experienced.

It took around 23 hours to travel from California to Bangkok. Now, my first impression of Thailand came the moment I stepped off the plane at Savanapum airport. As I crossed the small gap between the aircraft and the jet bridge, it felt like someone had opened the door to a giant oven. Then when we stepped outside the airport, it was even hotter. My immediate thought was, “How do people live in this heat?”

From there, we took a taxi to Don Moang airport and caught a 1-hour flight to Chiang Mai. Chiang Mai gave me my very first taste of life in Thailand. We went ziplining through the jungle, rode elephants at a park, and experienced the incredible Loy Krathong Festival, watching hundreds of glowing orange lanterns drift into the night sky. One evening, we listened to a Thai guitarist playing all along the watchtower from the rooftop of a building overlooking the city. Now, the trip only lasted about a week, but it left a lasting impression on me.

Now, this is where my story really begins. Before I continue, though, I have to admit something. Looking back, I made just about every mistake a firsttime visitor to Thailand could possibly make and probably a few more besides. My story is wide open to criticism and rightly so. But if sharing my experience prevents even one Western man from making the same mistakes I did, then telling it is worthwhile.

Now, about a year later, my brother called again. He told me that if I lost a certain amount of weight before our next trip to Thailand, he would pay for my plane ticket. And that was all the motivation I needed. So, I completely cut sugar and bread out of my diet and by Christmas managed to come in one pound under the target weight that he had given me.

Returning To Pattaya

After I’d achieved it, he laughed and admitted he’d planned to pay for the ticket anyway. He’d only used the trip as motivation to help me lose the weight. So, it was a win-win for both of us. This time, he wanted to take me to Patea. He described it as the Las Vegas of Thailand and said it was something I had to see for myself.

So we arrived at Savanapum airport early on New Year’s Day in 2014 before taking a taxi to Patia, a journey of about an hour and a half. Now when we arrived, Walking Street was still quiet after the previous night’s celebrations. Small groups of people wandered along carrying beer bottles while shopkeepers swept confetti from the pavements. We checked into a hotel on Soy 15 before taking a walk down to Bali High Pier where we watched the calm sea as jet skis buzzed across the water and speedboats pulled parasailors high into the sky. Everything seemed peaceful.

But once darkness fell, Patia transformed. The deep bass from the bars echoed through the streets. The neon lights flickered into life and the crowds multiplied. I’d never seen anything like it back in California. Every direction was filled with music, conversation, flashing lights, and shoulder to shoulder crowds from every corner of the world.

So that evening, my brother showed me around. We had dinner at a restaurant called Rasputins before calling it a night. as we were both still recovering from the long journey. Now, the following evening, my brother met a girl and headed off on his own. So, I went back to my hotel room.

But after sitting there for a while, I thought to myself, I’m not in Pattaya to watch television. So, I headed back to Walking Street. I found an outdoor cafe, ordered a soda as I don’t drink alcohol, and simply sat watching the crowds pass by. There were plenty of attractive women, but most seemed heavily tattooed and a little too wild for my taste.

Meeting Sherba In Pattaya

But then I noticed a young woman walking by herself. She was modestly dressed, seemed quiet, and immediately caught my attention. I thought to myself, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I’d already paid my bill, so I stood up, caught up with her, and started a conversation. She told me her name was Sherba.

From that moment on, everything changed. For the remaining 5 days of my holiday, we spent almost every moment together. Every day, we were together. So after the second day, I rented a scooter to get around and through Sherba, I met her aunt Na along with her aunt’s van taxi driver who everyone simply called Mr. Tai.

At the time, I believe Sherba was in Patia on holiday with her aunt. However, I also suspected she might have been doing a little freelancing based on how easily we had met. Still, she seemed so quiet, shy, and young that I convinced myself she couldn’t have been doing it for very long. I wanted to believe she was only doing it out of necessity to support her young daughter back in her village. So, I found myself feeling two things at once.

I was attracted to her, but I also genuinely wanted to help her. Eventually, the day came when my brother and I had to return home. Before I left, I promised Sherba that I’d come back to see her. So, we stayed in touch after I returned to California. And yes, I occasionally sent her small amounts of money to help with her expenses.

14 months later, I returned to Thailand, but this time on my own. Sherba and her aunts were waiting for me in the arrivals hall at the Suvarnabhumi Airport. Outside, Mr. Tai was standing behind beside his van, ready to drive us north.

Visiting The Village

We set off on the 4-hour journey to Sherba‘s village just outside Dum Dum Dum Nang Rang. There I met her mother, her stepfather, and Sherba‘s three-year-old daughter, whom she said was from her first marriage to a Thai man. I also met several members of her extended family and some of her friends. So that evening, we all went to a nearby restaurant for dinner. I assumed it would just be Sherba and her immediate family.

instead. When we arrived, another eight or 10 relatives and friends were already there. We all ate together, and when the meal was over, Sherba quietly indicated that I should pay the bill. I did, but I couldn’t deny that I was irritated. The extra guests had turned what I expected to be a small family dinner into a much larger and more expensive gathering.

Then I tried to rationalize it. Perhaps this was simply part of Thai culture. Maybe they wanted to see whether I was financially stable enough to take care of Sherba. So I let it go. Overall, I thought the visit had gone well.

Over the next few years, I returned to Thailand several times each year, usually staying on 60-day visas. But in June 2016, Sherber and I traveled to Bangkok to obtain a marriage certificate. The certificate was written entirely in Thai. Oddly, after he returned to her village, she looked at it and told me her name had been misspelled. Now, that immediately struck me as strange.

She was fluent in Thai, so how could something is as important as her own name be wrong. It made me wonder whether the certificate was even valid. Looking back, that was one of the first major red flags I encountered. A year later in June 2017, we had we held a traditional Buddhist wedding ceremony at her family’s home.

Marriage And Early Warning Signs

There were many guests, a large stage, dances, and all the usual celebrations. I paid for everything, including the dowry and the wedding expenses. At that point, despite the occasional warning signs, I genuinely believed I was committed for life. Are you crazy? Or just playing stupid?

Stupid is stupid does, Miss Blue. I guess I was now married. Surely from that moment onwards, the road ahead would be solid. Or at least that is what I hoped. As I mentioned earlier, there had already been a number of red flags.

One of the biggest occurred in December 2016. I was back in California when Sherba sent me a message on WhatsApp. She told me she was taking her daughter on a school trip to Korat Zoo the following day and asked if I could send her some money to cover the expenses. So, I said yes and transferred the money without hesitation. The following day, at around 4:00 p.

m. Thailand time, I called her. She answered and told me she was waiting outside the zoo for the children to come out. She also said she’d taken a photo and would send it to me. A few moments later, she sent me a picture of two albino tigers.

For some reason, I decided to visit the zoo’s website. To my surprise, I found the exact same photograph, not one that looked similar. It was the exact same image. My immediate thought was simple.

The Zoo Photo Lie

If she didn’t take that photo, then where was she? Could be anywhere. And if she wasn’t at the zoo, why lie about it? The obvious possibility was one I didn’t want to consider. She was somewhere else and she didn’t want me to know where.

I called her back but acted as though I hadn’t discovered anything. That’s a nice photo, I said. When did you take it? She started answering before I interrupted her. I’ve just been on the zoo’s website.

I told her that they have the exact same picture. Now, without missing a beat, she replied, “They’re using my photo.” Now, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. No, I said, “They are not.” So, she then changed the subject completely and said something that made even less sense.

I was going to make milk, but I thought you wouldn’t want me to. Now, it took me a while to realize she was talking about breast enlargement surgery. I replied, “You’ve never mentioned wanting to do that before.” Now, after the call, I didn’t speak to her for several days, and looking back now, I should have ended the relationship right there. To this day, I honestly can’t explain why I didn’t.

Somehow, she always managed to smooth things over just enough for me to push the warning signs to the back of my mind. I think, like many Western men before me, I became so focused on the dream of building a new life in a beautiful tropical country that I ignored what was right in front of me. So instead of walking away, I convinced myself to keep going. Now during Sran in April 2018, we were in Nang Rang throwing buckets of water at passing motorists.

Life In Nang Rang

Just as I was about to throw a bucket of water over a Caucasian man riding a scooter with a Thai woman on the back, he slowed down. Instead of soaking him, I decided to strike up a conversation. It wasn’t often that I came across another foreigner in the countryside or even in Nang Rang itself. He introduced himself as Shane and told me he was an English teacher at a local high school. When I mentioned that I was recently reti a retired teacher from California, he told me the school had a vacancy for someone to teach conversational English.

He asked if I would be interested. So I spent a day thinking about it before giving him my answer and I said yes. Now, I thought it would be a good way to stay active, experience Thai education firsthand, and become part of the local community. Although I already held a teaching credential in California, I still had to complete a 5-day teacher training course in Bangkok before I could begin. Once that was finished, I started teaching full-time at the high school.

The workload was demanding, but the biggest challenge wasn’t the students. It was the heat. My classroom only had four ceiling fans, and they did little more than circulate hot air around the room. By the end of most days, I was completely exhausted. But financially, things were going well.

Between my pension and my teaching salary, we lived comfortably by Thai standards. To continue teaching, I completed a visa run into Lao before returning to finish the full 10-month school year. As the months passed by, the warning signs in my marriage became harder to ignore. I’d already decided that if I ever found undeniable evidence that Sherba wasn’t fully committed to our marriage, I would end the relationship. It had to be genuine.

Otherwise, there was no future. Now, one thing that increasingly bothered me was that she often chose to sleep in the living room. She’d tell me she was playing games on her phone and didn’t want to disturb my sleep. So, at first I accepted the explanation.

Building A House In Thailand

Eventually though, it began to feel unusual. At the same time, the warmth and friendliness that Sherba and her parents had shown during the early years of our relationship gradually started to disappear. Her stepfather’s daily whiskey sessions also became increasingly difficult to tolerate. Almost every afternoon, he’d invite local men over to drink. And after a few glasses, he often became loud, argumentative, and critical.

Now, despite all of that, I kept moving forward with the plans Sherba and I had made for our future. The biggest project was building our own house, three bedrooms. Now, the proposed site was on top of the family’s old fish pond, which I paid to have filled in using a backhoe. Her cousin’s father was an experienced builder who had previously done an excellent job installing the air conditioning in our bedroom. So, I had confidence in his work.

Sher told me we could pay for the construction in monthly installments. The total cost, including labor and materials, would be around $20,000. The house would only stand about 10 yards from her parents’ home. But at least we’d finally have a place of our own. So when the school year ended, I signed another teaching contract for the following year before flying back to California to spend some time with my family.

When I was there, my adult son called me. He had never been enthusiastic about my remarage, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. He told me that Sherba had been posting photographs of herself on Facebook. At the time, I never even used Facebook, so I asked him to send me the pictures. When I looked through them, there wasn’t anything explicit.

There was no nudity, but something still felt wrong. She was posing like a single woman rather than someone who was happily married. So, I told my son exactly that. I don’t like the photos, I said, but there’s nothing inappropriate in them.

Messages That Exposed The Affair

Then he said something that changed everything. There are messages as well. He told me, “I’ve had them translated into English.” So, I asked him to send them over, and he did. Within 10 seconds of reading them, I took off my wedding ring.

It wasn’t because the conversations were sexually explicit. They weren’t. It was the way she was talking to these men. She spoke to them flirtatiously, almost as though she was inviting their attention, and that was all I needed. For the first time, I felt I finally had the proof that I had been searching for.

So, I called my son back and asked him to send me everything that he had, but he refused. He said I’d already seen enough. So, I explained that I wanted to know how long this had been going on before Sherba had a chance to delete everything. He still wouldn’t send the rest. I then called my brother, but his answer was exactly the same.

So, the following day, I phoned Sherba myself. Now, she denied doing anything wrong. It’s my Facebook, she kept saying. Whatever she meant by that, it certainly wasn’t an explanation. She said everything except the truth.

But what shocked me the most wasn’t the denial. It was her reaction when I told her I was ending our marriage. There was no tears, no pleading, no attempt to save the relationship. She simply replied, “Okay, thank you for everything.”

Ending The Marriage

I said, “So I sat there in disbelief.” That was it. It sounded more like something a waiter says after serving dinner than something a wife says when her husband tells her their marriage is over. That was the end of it. Just like that, nearly five years of knowing Sherba came to an end.

Four of those years had been spent focused on building a future together. From the day I first returned to Thailand alone to see her, I devoted myself to improving not only her life, but the lives of her parents as well. I had invested my time, my money, my energy, and my heart into what I believed would be our future together. But in the end, it all came to nothing. Could the relationship have worked?

Absolutely, but only if both people had been working towards the same goal. A successful marriage requires trust, honesty, and commitment from both sides.

Looking Back At The Warning Signs

But without those things, no amount of love, generosity, or financial support can hold it together. Now, looking back, I don’t regret visiting Thailand. I don’t regret meeting wonderful Thai people or experiencing a culture that I came to admire. What I do regret is ignoring the warning signs. Each time I saw a red flag, I found a way to explain it away because I wanted the relationship to succeed.

Instead of accepting what was in front of me, I believed what I hoped was true. That’s a mistake many of us make when we’re emotionally invested. Love has a remarkable ability to silence common sense. Now, if there’s one lesson I’ve learned from my experience, it is this. When someone repeatedly gives you reasons to question their honesty, don’t ignore them simply because you want the relationship to work.

Lessons From A Thailand Marriage

Pay attention. Trust isn’t built on words. It’s built on actions. Once that trust is broken, it’s incredibly difficult to rebuild. Now, I hope that my story encourages others to proceed carefully when entering a relationship in Thailand.

But to be clear, I’m not suggesting that every Thai western relationship ends badly. Far from it. There are countless couples who have built loving, successful marriages that have lasted for decades. But there are also many stories like mine. stories where a man loses not only his savings but also years of his life because he ignored warning signs that were there from the very beginning.

Now, if sharing my experience helps even one person avoid making the same mistakes that I did, then it has been worth telling.