A Thai Wife’s Cousin and a Secret Affair

I’m still not sure what to do about this situation. And while it isn’t a complete crash and burn, there’s definitely some burn on my end and a lot of disappointment. I’ll call myself Adam because I want to stay anonymous. I’m a 40-year-old professional working in the medical sector.

I have three kids with my Thai wife. We actually met at vet school. She didn’t finish her degree back then because she got pregnant with our first child and then she really enjoyed being a mother. So, we had another two kids. We have a very beautiful family and we live in probably one of the best parts of Australia. Our life is definitely not perfect.

It gets a bit messy and noisy sometimes with the kids as you’d expect, but we’re pretty lucky financially. Even though life in Australia is very expensive, we are doing quite well. I have been to Thailand many times with my wife. She normally goes back every six months with the kids and I usually go once a year. That means one time we go as a whole family and the other time she just goes with the kids for a month or so. When I’m there, I usually spend two weeks, sometimes a little longer.

She is from Isan near the border with Cambodia. The place is called Ubon Ratchathani, or more accurately, a provincial village just north of it.

Thailand Visits and Family Life

There are no modern comforts, but I absolutely love it. Her family is relatively well-off, so they’ve never really asked me for money in over 15 years. There were two times. Once, her brother’s car broke down, so we bought him a new one. He wanted to pay the money back, but I just said keep it. Another time, one of our nieces had a small accident and needed to go to the hospital, so we paid for that.

It’s a very beautiful family. She sends money to her family, but I never really ask how much because that’s personal. She handles all the money, helps me with the accounting and bookkeeping, and keeps everything going. We make a good team. However, something happened around the end of 2024 that unfortunately changed our relationship. On the surface, you see the holidays, the smiles and dinners together at our favorite restaurants.

We watch TV together, but our intimacy is now over. Believe it or not, we haven’t been together as husband and wife for more than a year now, besides a few very rare occasions, usually when we had some alcohol. And no, I haven’t cheated on her during this time. Yes, I visited all the typical tourist places in Thailand. Sometimes I went out alone and had pretty girls talk to me, but I never took it that far. Even when I was tempted as a man, I knew it was something you can never take back and I really didn’t want to ruin my family.

I had a couple of extremely tempting occasions. But here is what actually happened.

Meeting My Thai Wife’s Cousin at the Farm

At the end of 2024, we were both in the province. My wife has a cousin who is about 10 years younger than her, so she’s in her late 20s. They have buffaloes, but there is no sick buffalo story here. She needed to give some vaccinations to her animals, so she took me out to the farm to help her. This is where things started getting weird. The husband of this lady was supposed to come with us.

But that morning, the cousin who doesn’t speak much English, so we were using Google Translate, said her husband couldn’t go. I believe some details got lost in translation. But my understanding was that it would just be me and her. Meanwhile, my wife was out visiting a temple. I’ve seen all the temples around here. The village is actually famous for this glowing temple.

Anyway, we went to the farm and I helped her with the vaccinations. I noticed one animal had some problems with one of its hooves. So, I explained to her what to do and what products to buy. The rural Isan heat and humidity were intense and we were both super sweaty. She tried to translate something on her phone, but there was no signal out there. Instead, she just started waving and pointing down to the river, gesturing for me to follow her.

Now, let me give you an example using a chocolate cake. Let’s suppose you’re on a diet and you say, “I don’t want to eat the cake.” You know the cake is in the fridge. You know you’re on a diet and you tell yourself you’re not going to eat it. Five minutes later, there you are opening the fridge and eating the cake. This is exactly what happened. My wife is very slim, like probably most Thai women. Her cousin, on the other hand, has absolutely beautiful brown skin, perfect thick hair, and exactly what I really like in a woman: a curvier body.

So, when she jumped into the water at the river, I didn’t really think much of it. I was on holiday, I was happy. And even though I’m usually very controlled in life, in that moment, I just said to myself, “Let it go. She’s just my wife’s cousin. Nothing is going to happen. We’re just going to have a quick refresh and then leave.” However, she was wearing one of those typical tie dresses that girls wear on the farm, a kind of long flowery white dress.

The River and the Chocolate Cake

When she went into the water, the wet dress clung straight to her skin, and she had nothing underneath. Seeing her like that, it was like seeing the chocolate cake. The temptation of eating that chocolate cake became so strong. I’m going to avoid some of the explicit details here. But we ended up doing what men and women normally do. And to be honest, it was absolutely amazing.

As a father and a husband, I should be ashamed to say that. But in the moment, I was so happy. It felt like I was completely with a different person. I wasn’t a husband and I wasn’t a father. I was just me with another woman. And in that moment, she wasn’t my wife’s cousin.

She wasn’t married. She was just a woman. And it was an absolutely beautiful moment. Anyway, it happened and we got dressed again after this intense aerobic session. We didn’t really think much about it, even though she kept giving me those looks. That’s when it really hit me and I realized how stupid I was to do what I did.

I forgot to mention this earlier, but my wife is very smart. I was so sure she was going to catch me straight away because I was looking completely soggy and guilty, but I had to take my chances and head back. When I arrived back, it was about lunchtime. Luckily, my wife wasn’t there yet, just her family. So, I took a shower and then I took another one just to make sure I smelled completely like the soap I was using. Soon after, my wife arrived back with the kids.

We had a barbecue and we carried on like nothing had happened. My wife didn’t notice a thing. We had a happy afternoon, went out at night time. We went down to a local river where we happened to see my wife’s cousin with her husband. Again, I acted like nothing had happened. We just said hello.

Returning to the Farm

My wife talked to them for about 5 minutes. I couldn’t join in because I don’t speak the language. Then they went away. We went our way and that was pretty much it. The following morning, my wife came and told me her cousin had called again. They couldn’t find the medicine I had recommended for the buffalo’s hoof anywhere in the village, so she needed to drive into the city to buy it from a proper supplier.

Her husband couldn’t drive, so I looked at my wife and asked if she wanted to come with us. But my wife just didn’t want to come. So, she said, “You just go. I’ll stay here with the kids and see you later.” So I took the car and drove the cousin myself. After we bought the medicine, we booked a hotel in Ubon Ratchathani. I believe there’s only one or at least it’s the one I found on Google.

This time we had a proper shower and we could do way more than the day before without any fear of somebody seeing us. I still remember her super soft skin, her smell. Even though it’s been more than a year, I can’t stop thinking about it whenever I talk about it. On our way back from the city, we stopped at the house because once again, I asked my wife if she wanted to come with us to the farm. But my wife, despite spending her early childhood years on a farm, hates the heat. She doesn’t really like the smell of the farm and the animals.

So, she just said, “Pass, I’ll see you later.” Now, I feel shame, but back then, I was very happy she wasn’t coming. Deep down inside, I was super excited to repeat the physical exercise, and that is exactly how it went. As soon as we arrived at the farm, nobody else was there and we immediately got down to business. Once again, it was absolutely amazing. I felt a very deep physical connection with this woman. Sometimes, even when you don’t speak the same language, some things just don’t need words to be expressed.

Keeping the Affair Secret

Some connections don’t need language. It was absolutely amazing. After that, we had a chance to meet up a couple more times over the next two weeks while I was in Thailand. Her husband didn’t notice and apparently my wife didn’t notice either. Her cousin added me on Facebook and I accepted her request. This wasn’t suspicious because I already have about 10 or 15 of my wife’s relatives on Facebook.

It was nothing out of the ordinary. It’s probably wrong to say, but I had absolutely no regrets about what I did. It was something that I really liked and I enjoyed it, but I knew I had to keep it as the deepest possible secret because I knew this would completely destroy and ruin my marriage. So, I just kept quiet and I let life go on. If you’ve been married for a long time, you know, you don’t have the same kind of aerobics with your wife like you had at the beginning, but it still happens here and there. Of course, a couple of weeks after getting back, I was really thinking about the woman, the experience, and things like that.

My wife was there, so I tried to initiate something. For the first time since we met, and we’ve been together for almost 15 years, my wife said, “No.” She said, “I don’t feel well. I feel like vomiting or something like that.” I didn’t really give it much thought at first because she never usually said things like that. And if she said she was feeling sick, I just let it go and that was it. But then after a while, I tried again and again, and there was always an excuse. Nothing aggressive, nothing direct, but there was always something.

She was tired. You know, this had never happened before, and it really shocked me. Anyway, after a bit, I just got used to it. I even stopped trying to figure out whether she wanted to, she could come looking for me. And as a man, there are plenty of opportunities online to watch things and help yourself. So, I was going to be okay.

Anyway, now this is where everything comes to the burn that I was telling you about earlier.

The Baby Looked Exactly Like Me

On one day, I was scrolling on Facebook and I saw that my wife’s cousin was pregnant. Fast forward to when she gave birth. The baby looked exactly like me. Exactly like my kids. I have very strong genes for some reason, and all my kids have Asian eyes, but for the most part, they look just like me. And this baby boy, who was probably 2 or 3 months old when I checked his mom’s profile again, looked exactly like me.

I have a picture of myself when I was that exact same age and we look pretty much identical. I just put my hand over my face and I said the big f word, like I am absolutely FKD. I normally think before I act, but this time the anxiety was too high. So, I sent her a message straight away. The message simply asked, “Is he mine?” After a couple of hours, she replied and simply said, “Yes.” And that was it. She just said yes, like it was nothing else, just yes.

I was very surprised and of course the first question I asked her was, “Doesn’t the baby look Caucasian and half Asian? What is your husband saying?” She replied, “My husband cannot have kids.” We tried for many years and I always wanted to have a baby in mixed genes and then nothing. I didn’t reply anymore because I didn’t know what to say. Then I started thinking maybe my wife knew. Maybe she knew and didn’t say anything or maybe they talked in some way. I know I am the one who did the wrong thing to my wife and it probably feels silly to say this, but I actually feel like I have been used. As I said, I haven’t had the conversation with my wife yet because that would mean admitting I cheated on her and that would for sure be the end of our marriage.

I don’t know. But I am 100% sure she knows the baby is mine and that I had something going on with her cousin.

My Options for the Child in Thailand

She probably let it happen or it’s just trying to test me because as I mentioned since I came back from Thailand that last time, nothing else has changed in our family or our relationship. We still watch movies together. We still go out and do everything. Sometimes we all train together, but we have had zero intimacy and now it’s been over a year. But still, even if I’m the one who did the wrong thing, I’m extremely upset. I know this is a conversation I need to have with my wife to see what she wants to do because of course this is pretty much a bomb dropped on her family.

I mean, what are my options? Do nothing and let my son grow up in Thailand with her family and with a man who is not her father or try taking him to Australia with a different mother and end up losing my wife and my kids. This is an absolute mess of a situation and I hope no one ever finds themselves in this kind of position because it’s incredibly painful. As I said, I’ve been with my wife for 15 years. I never cheated on her. And I unfortunately, the only time I did, I was kind of scammed because that’s how I feel.

I feel scammed. I feel scammed and I was lied to by my wife. Scammed by this lady and scammed by her husband because it’s very weird that her husband supposedly didn’t notice anything. My wife supposedly didn’t notice anything and the whole family knows nothing. Since then, my relationship with my wife has of course grown colder. But you know how Thai people are.

They don’t really talk to you directly when they have a problem. So for now, let’s just say it’s the calm before the storm.

Story 2 A Hidden Instagram Account in Bangkok

I’m a British guy and in a relationship with a Thai woman from Isan. She lives and works in Bangkok. She has a basic income of 20,000 Baht and, like many people supporting a family, she has responsibilities that don’t stop simply because her salary is modest. I visit Bangkok every few months, so this isn’t one of those relationships that exists entirely on a phone screen. We spend time together in person.

We visit the islands, and I don’t pay for her time, only the flights and accommodation. We have ordinary days together, meals, trips, affection, and all the little things that make a relationship feel real. I’ve also video called her family. I’ve spoken with her aunts and her sisters. I know these people exist and I’ve seen them on calls.

They are part of May‘s real life. But there is another side of her life that I don’t see. And that’s where things become complicated. May has an Instagram account that I can’t see from my own account. I’m blocked from it. The account remains visible to other people.

The interesting thing is that the family members I’ve spoken to aren’t part of that Instagram world either. The account is different from the May I know. There are provocative photographs revealing clothing and stories when you click her profile that last 24 hours and that seem to carry messages for somebody. I can view them using another Instagram account. I start wondering what the account is actually for. Is it simply a private social circle?

Is it a way of meeting people and arranging meetups? Or is it connected to something May doesn’t want me to know about? I have a theory. May is very business-like, and I think she may occasionally supplement her ordinary salary with freelance work. She doesn’t seem the promiscuous type. She’s very petite, shy, and inexperienced in relationships.

May Talks About Marriage

I know this from my own experience. She doesn’t do it for entertainment, and the encounters last an hour with Instagram followers. I can’t tell you how I know, but I do. And this is illegal in Thailand. I don’t have a confession, a bank statement, or some dramatic piece of evidence that suddenly explains everything. I have recent patterns.

I have photographs. I have an Instagram account I’m excluded from. I have things that sometimes make me wonder whether there is another part of her life in Bangkok. One particular selfie catches my attention because she’s wearing very little and I notice the cafe skyline in the window. My mind starts racing, connecting dots. Maybe she’s meeting somebody.

Maybe it’s connected to the Instagram account. Maybe she’s earning money on the side. Maybe I’m completely wrong. The frustrating thing is that she never lies to me, and the times she has been offline or taking care of her family generally check out. Of course, this could be a selective truth. Why does she need me?

See, there are several older men who follow her on Instagram who have the opportunity to arrange to meet her every few weeks. I’m sure those men are aware of the other men on her Instagram and I don’t seem to have an issue with it. Again, she doesn’t want me to see it, so I don’t get to see the whole picture. You get fragments and human beings are remarkably good at turning fragments into stories. The money issue is actually much less dramatic than somebody might assume. May doesn’t regularly ask me for money again, so why does she need to keep our relationship alive?

In fact, the only time she asks me for money is when she ends up in hospital. She needed 6,000 Baht and I helped her. At the time, she had also lost her restaurant job because business was slow. Now she has a new job. She earns her own money. She has family responsibilities.

I’m happy to help when there’s a genuine emergency, but I don’t want to become responsible for financing her life until we have a firm commitment like marriage. That’s an important boundary for me.

Marriage and the Hidden Side of Her Life

At the same time, May also talks about marriage. She wants us to get married, and that’s what makes the hidden side of her life more important to me. If we’re talking about marriage, then trust matters. I don’t need to know every private thought she has or even person she knows. I don’t hold a grudge. Life in Thailand is tough, and I’m happy to forget her past.

But I do need to know whether the relationship I’m building is based on the same understanding of commitment that she has. Once we are married, I want to live together and put her through college for tourism as she wants to work in the hotel industry, buy land, and put the house under a 30-year agreement in my name. I think that is how it works. And right now, there are things I don’t understand. This isn’t me funding her lifestyle. The private Instagram account is still there.

My suspicions are still there and May still wants to marry me. So I’m in a strange position. On one hand, I have a woman who lets me into parts of her life that really matter. I’ve spoken to her family. I’ve traveled to see her. We have a relationship that exists in the real world, not just online.

On the other hand, I know there is part of her social life that she deliberately keeps from me. And I think she probably has her reasons. Perhaps she’s embarrassed by that side of her life. Perhaps I’m seeing things incorrectly. Or perhaps there really is something she doesn’t want me to see. I don’t know.

And that’s the point where the story currently sits. I’m not trying to catch her out. I’m not trying to turn into some amateur detective. I’m trying to work out whether the woman I love and the life she keeps private can eventually fit together in a marriage. For now, I keep doing what I think is right. I visit her.

I enjoy the relationship. I support her when there’s a genuine need. I maintain my boundaries. And I pay attention because sometimes the hardest part of a relationship isn’t deciding whether you trust somebody. It’s deciding what to do when you trust them enough to stay, but not enough to stop asking questions. And that’s where I am right now.

Story 3 Meeting Nan at Route 66 in Bangkok

When I was in my early 20s, I was in a military unit that was frequently deployed to Southeast Asia for joint exercises. Thailand was a clear favorite, and I visited multiple times. I spent various stints there, ranging from 45 days to six months, all on the US government’s dime. That security probably explains my carefree attitude and why I was so oblivious to how things actually work behind the scenes.

Like many, I hit the bar scene and bar girls multiple times, occasionally more than one at a time. I’m certain I got overcharged here and there, but we just chalked it up to the girls trying to make an extra buck. We frequented Patpong and Soi Cowboy and took the occasional trip to Pattaya to experience the bars there, too. However, my buddies and I didn’t really fit the profile for the long game romance scams. For us, it was mostly one and done. I was just looking to have a good time and my mindset was strictly what happens in Thailand stays in Thailand.

That said, during one six-month deployment, I had a completely different experience. I ended up meeting a girl outside of the bar scene, which was entirely unexpected. My team and I were at a club called Route 66 in Bangkok. I’m not sure if that place is still around. We were sitting at an outdoor table drinking and having a blast. It was a strong hip-hop scene.

As the Black guy on the team, I was dressed for the part, looking like I stepped straight out of a rap music video. That’s when I spotted her. Let’s call her Nan. Right away, I could tell she had spent time in the West because her mannerisms, fluent English, and the way she danced. She was deeply into hip-hop culture. We got introduced and she joined our table.

Of course, my team immediately started roasting me because she only had eyes for me. From that night on, we were practically inseparable, and I barely touched the bar scene again. I soon discovered this beautiful girl was actually very well off. She always insisted on paying for things and would pick me up in her BMW instead of letting us take taxis. Nan took me all over the city, hitting up incredible restaurants and exclusive hip-hop parties. The physical chemistry was top-notch, too.

It made my deployment unforgettable. I couldn’t wait to clock out or hit the weekend just to see her. Looking back, I probably could have married her and brought her back to the States. She dropped hints about that possibly a few times, but I was too much of a playboy back then to settle down. I stuck to the rule. What happens in Thailand stays in Thailand.

Leaving Thailand and Staying Friends

When my 6 months were up and I had to leave, it was a very amicable goodbye. I could tell she was disappointed that I didn’t want something more permanent or long distance. Like I said though, I was too much of a playboy at the time. Even though I really did like her a lot, I promised her that the next time I come back, we could just pick up where we left off. But even at that age, I suspected that she’d probably just move on to the next guy she saw who looked like me.

And I was honestly okay with that. The next time I went back to Thailand, she unfortunately happened to be spending time in Japan. So, I didn’t get to see her. However, I did get to spend time with another girl named May that I had met at a club called Satika. I believe that one unfortunately burned down and they built a place called Levels later. She didn’t drive a BMW or pay for anything, but she covered the bills sometimes and she was great.

We are still friends to this day, too. She still lives in Thailand, and we still catch up over the phone every now and then. Today, Nan and I are still friends online. She eventually met someone else, got married, and actually lives in the States now. I still wonder what might have been from time to time, but I’m happy with how both our lives turned out. All this happened about 15 to 20 years ago.

It makes me wonder how the current version of me, now in my 40s, would handle the whole scene today, knowing what I know now and having that earlier experience under my belt.

Story 4 Meeting a Thai Massage Lady in Thailand

I went to a massage therapist in 2008 where I got to know one girl. Her name was Pla. After a few weeks of visiting her, she asked if I was single and I said yes. Unknown to me at the time, I was one of the few men she was talking to about meeting her sister. Long story short, I ended up agreeing to travel to China and meet her sister, who I called Candy. After my second visit to China, we got married, and I eventually got her to the UK after a couple of refusals.

In July 2010, her three-year-old daughter arrived. After getting her leave to remain, she told me she didn’t want to be with me. I was not happy about this, but I fell for it. She walked out in 2022 and moved in with her sister. Fast forward to 2025, and I decided to book a flight to Thailand with my stepdaughter, who I had partial custody of because neither her mother nor her real father wanted to look after her, but that’s another story. I came to Thailand, but I was a bit shy and had my 17-year-old daughter to look after on that trip.

As soon as I got back, I booked another trip for June 26. Once again, I was a bit shy during the first week, but when I got to Hua Hin, I met a nice massage lady who I went out with a few times, and we had fun. The following week, I went to Pattaya and met another lady who I got on with very well and spent a few days with. After Thailand, I booked a 3-week trip to my daughter’s grandmother. On the first night, my Thai girl phoned me and my wife, who I’m separated from, was in the room and showed her jealous side for the first time. I told her she didn’t want me.

Now, back in the UK, she’s not happy with me, so it’s an ongoing story. My Thai friend wants me to come back to her, but it’s hard to arrange a trip back so easily with my commitments in England.