Played His Thai Wife at Her OWN GAME

Meeting a Thai Woman in Buriram

Maybe the best place to start is when I arrived in that small village in Buriram in the northeastern part of Thailand known as Isan to get married. had arrived in Thailand the day before this, met at the airport by my fiancée, who I’d met in Thailand 3 months before that at a bar in Pattaya. Even saying that out loud makes me shake my head, thinking, “What was I thinking?” At that moment in time, I was the happiest guy in the entire world, believing that he’d finally found what he was looking for. And it made me feel like I was king of the world. I’d only been in Thailand for 2 weeks the first time I was there back in 2014 when I turned 50. Yes, I met that girl and I fell in love with her and I sent money for her and we agreed to get married. It was a moment in time when I was actually there to get married where I felt like my world had come together. I’d never had much luck at home, been in a few long-term relationships, but nothing that ever felt like it was the dynamic I was after.

By my late 40s, I was already resigned to the fact that perhaps I just wasn’t meant to be the sort of person that I wanted to be. Thailand was actually a 50th birthday present to myself. The sort of place where you heard whispers about what it was like. Most of those whispers pointed at Thailand as being a very specific sort of place where you could do very specific things. I think back then Thailand wasn’t as open as it is today when you could go for lots of different reasons. Thailand was very cornered into a particular area of being the sort of place where guys went to do certain things. I’m not going to lie and say that’s why I wasn’t there because I’m not going to lie, so what’s the point? But I was there for lots of reasons, but the possibility of meeting someone was one of them.

When I met her though, she became my fiancée. I just felt something for her immediately. Perhaps it really was desperation that saw me meeting a girl in a bar on Soi Cowboy and feeling something for her like I’d never felt for anyone before. Splashing money around like it was nothing to make her understand how serious I was. She was 24 years old from this little village in Buriram where I was now sitting. And she was what I found a very delicate soul. She wasn’t the sort of girls that you’d see like I had seen on my first few days in Pattaya who were boisterous and noisy and outgoing and not shy. She was the exact opposite like I preferred.

She was reserved, delicate, quite calm, and quite seemingly out of her comfort zone by even being in a bar. It wasn’t that I felt I was going to be able to help her improve her life and save her from the bar like other guys seem to do. I wasn’t there to do that. I was just there to be with her in a way that I wanted to be with a girl that I’d always wanted to be with.

Marriage and a Thai Village Ceremony

The only sensible step for me, at least I thought at the time, because I was 50. I wasn’t yet retired and I didn’t have the financial ability to move to Thailand, it was to marry her. And then the next step from there would be getting a visa for her to go back home with me. From there, we could live a great life together until retiring in Thailand. That was what the plan was. She was good with that and I was good with the marriage side of things because based on what she wanted to do which was a village ceremony showing respect having all the monks around and doing everything the right way, being someone that the family could look at as someone who was a great person to be able to look after their daughter.

The Village House That Changed His Plans

At that moment when I’d arrived in the village the first thing I remember was driving past this huge house as we were pulling in off the main road down the little side streets to get to where the village was. It was quite away in the distance and this huge house just stood out to me. She looked at me and said, “Farang Farang house.” I looked at her and said, “That looks amazing.” I didn’t know anything about guys moving to Thai villages at that time because why would I? It was something that I never thought about and never contemplated.

The Smaller House in Buriram

We go a bit further and there’s a smaller house and she said, “Farang, but he not stay with wife anymore.” I was looking at her and saying, “Why do guys do this? What’s the reason behind it?” although she couldn’t really point to an actual reason as to why this was taking place on such a scale. Basically, the land was cheap. It’s cheap to build a house and it’s cheap to live around there. You’ve got space and you can have a very big place compared to the sort of place you could have in Bangkok or Pattaya or wherever else it is that they met. Maybe that was a first moment when I decided this should be something that I could look into more. We got married and that went according to plan. Cost me an awful lot of money.

even had one of those foreigners who lived close by come by. Not one of the houses I saw, but his wife knew the family. He was saying how great it was and how he’d been living there for years. Maybe it was my mind being turned around to this idea that this was something that I could do too when retirement came.

Choosing Pattaya or the Village

Although the plan was to go home first and retire to Thailand and live in Pattaya. That’s what I always thought. Now I was leaning more towards this. Although that was just an idea I was having at the time, but it was starting to feel exciting even though it was just an idea. After getting married, I had about 10 days left in Thailand and we went away together. Went down to Koh Phi Phi somewhere that was perfect picture perfect perfection. I couldn’t believe how my life had just come together as well as it had. And since coming to Thailand, I’d married someone.

We’d registered the marriage and she was a 10 out of 10 as far as I was concerned. and she just seemed to dote on me and seem to love me and treat me the exact way you’d want to be treated by a girl. At home, you’d never get treated like that. At least I didn’t. It really was one of those times in my life when I felt like all the years of hard work and sacrifice to get me to this point had all been worth it. The next step was getting the visa for her to go back home with me. I knew this was going to be quite difficult because it involved the application and paying a lot of money and meeting the requirements. I did it all by myself.

We got everything that she needed in order to apply. And after we’d come back from the beach, we actually went up to Bangkok to put in the application. I was going to have to leave and she was going to go back to the family and spend time with them, awaiting for the outcome of the visa, which was hopefully going to be within 3 months. Leaving was really awful, but I was married and it was just a waiting game. It was a nerve-wracking waiting game, not knowing what I was going to do or when I was going to hear anything. I never thought that the visa would be declined because I was married. I felt like I ticked all the boxes that needed to be ticked for her to get the visa. Everything went through my email.

And when I got an email, this was about 10 weeks later. During those 10 weeks, as far as I was concerned, she had spent time with her family, although she did go to Pattaya two times. She told me she was just going to meet friends. It was a birthday and it wasn’t like she never answered the phone when I called, although that made me uncomfortable knowing she was going back to that world. I allowed it because it was just temporary. I believed and trusted everything about her.

The Thai Visa Was Refused

But about 10 weeks later, I had an email saying that the visa was ready to collect. I called her and we were both excited and she had to go to Bangkok to go and collect it, not knowing what the outcome was. I was a bag of nerves. I was at work at all that time and a complete bag of nerves. I’d arrived at work, the time difference and all and I was just getting settled in when she called me. I quickly picked up the phone and ran out of the office so I could speak privately and she said she did not get the visa. What do you mean you did not get the visa? She just said I not get visa.

Why? She wasn’t able to say. She said she’d send me a picture.

The Visa Refusal Letter

So she sent me a picture of what the refusal letter said and that was it. At that moment I just felt like my whole world had gone wrong. I couldn’t understand it because as far as I was concerned, I had met all the requirements. Eventually, she sends me this picture and I have a look and they didn’t, according to them, believe there was sufficient evidence about the relationship being serious, but I just couldn’t get it. We were married for God’s sake. Whether we appealed or applied again, I didn’t know. At that moment, I just felt like everything had gone wrong. There was only one hurdle for her being able to continue my life with me, and that was to get her home.

Now, this wasn’t going to be able to happen anytime soon. Plus the fact that she couldn’t just come for a visit in the meantime. It was a really awful moment in my life because everything that had given me this happiness that I’d never felt now it gave me the exact opposite of that. When I got back to the desk, I just couldn’t concentrate on work. Told them I was ill and I had to go back home, which I did. And I was just sat there thinking about what to do. I called her not long and she was really upset. She said after getting that, picking up the visa, she’d gone down to Pattaya and she was with her friends at that moment.

She said she was going out for a few drinks because she was upset too. And at that moment, I just felt like I didn’t know what to do. After I finished speaking to her, I was just sitting there on the sofa. My mind is a blank. Do we apply again? If so, that’s many months and a huge other expense. What happens if they decline it again? What happens if something else goes wrong?

And I even contemplated reaching out to a solicitor to help, but again, that would be even more expense. It was a moment in time when I just sat there. More hours are passing and I’m really not doing anything apart from just sitting there. The TV’s on and I have a drink, but yes, sat there. I’m thinking maybe I should go back to Thailand and spend some time with her and see what it goes like from there.

Planning Retirement in Thailand

Then I found myself standing up and rustling through the drawers in the living room where I kept all my documents. Looking at the mortgage statement, how much have I got left to pay on the house, working out what the house is worth based on the house on Rightmove right next door that’s selling and how much do they want for it. Working out what savings I have got if I cashed everything in. Working out what my pension would be if I left work now and got that at 55. The more I did that, the more I kept bringing myself to the understanding that maybe I could just go to Thailand now and okay, it wouldn’t be a lavish, luxurious retirement, but if I was sensible and played my card right, perhaps Thailand could work.

Preparing for a Thai Retirement

As soon as I started thinking that, that’s when this sense of calm and this sense of happiness, I suppose, came over me, because even though I hadn’t known it at the time, I think my mind was already made up. That’s what I was going to do. I wasn’t going to rush into it, though. I was going to go back to Thailand. I was going to tell work that I needed some time off, and if they had a problem with it, I was just going to quit. I was going to go there for a month, see what it was like, and test the waters, and try to find a comfortable position enough to be able to pull the trigger and actually go for it. It was about 5 hours of being completely dejected and devastated to being excited and enthusiastic about the future that I never considered would be a future I would go for. When I called her up to tell her she was actually at a club with a few friends drinking and I told her I’m going to Thailand soon, she seemed really happy.

She seemed delighted that I was going to be able to see her. And because of that, I thought my mind was made up. The following day, I went into work and told them I needed some time off. I don’t have a choice. I had some holiday allowance, but it was very short notice. I said it was a family emergency, which it was. I even explained it to them. my wife was meant to get a visa to come and live here and she didn’t get it.

So, I need to go and see her. They gave me two weeks that I requested and I was going to go for a month, but I’d sort the other two weeks out later. Just any last bit of money I could get out of it really, because I believe that I probably was already decided. Once that was done, I left that very day, went to book the ticket, and I was flying to Bangkok 2 days later, not being able to believe I was actually doing it. Also, I’m going to be seeing my wife after all this time. It was a moment in time when life just seemed to be coming together. I wasn’t in a position of selling anything then. I wasn’t doing that.

That was going to be after I’d spent time in Thailand and making sure it was something I could do. But I was, as far as I was concerned, on my way. I was on my way because I landed in Bangkok and she was at the airport. When I saw her, it just felt like I can’t leave. I can’t go back to work. I can’t do that. My life is here. This is where my life is because she is my life.

She’s my family. So therefore, I have to be with her. I promised myself that I wouldn’t get carried away and make any rash decisions right there and then because that never ends well. Just see how things go and work out how much it would cost and can I last until I get my pension. I worked out since I’d been paying in for a long time, it wouldn’t give me the total amount because I wouldn’t be paying in for 5 more years, but I’d still be getting around 1,200 a month. I’d worked out that at 55 when I was able to cash it in, which didn’t seem too bad. I had enough money to last until then. I sold the house, even more money than that.

I suppose it’s a moment when everything gets into life where you think, when is enough enough? You’ve got a figure in mind, and I hadn’t hit that figure yet. But you might have a figure in mind and hit it and think, I need a bit more. When is enough enough? So many people hit their figure and don’t have much time left to enjoy it. And I didn’t want that to be happening to me, too. So, I’m just convincing myself so many things.

Returning to Bangkok and Pattaya

We’re in Bangkok. I’m happy and I had a month to be able to work everything out. What we were going to do after spending a few days in Bangkok, letting me just settle in, we’d go down to Pattaya, and I wanted to look around at all the sorts of places we could live, from small condos to houses and anything in between. Seeing the sort of lifestyle we could live on and the budget I thought I’d be able to sustain. We were also going to go up to the village to visit the family. She said she’d spent so much time with them and they wanted to see me and see how I was. Although I didn’t tell her that I wanted to look into what it was going to cost to live somewhere like the village because I’d seen those other people doing it and it seemed to be exciting. I was interested in looking into that too.

Living on a Retirement Budget in Pattaya

Throughout the first week after Bangkok down in Pattaya, this is I researched lots of different accommodation options. That’s the real beauty of Thailand. There really is something for any budget. And if I wanted to go so cheap, I could rent somewhere for 100 quid a month and would still have air conditioning. There’d be things to pay on top, but it was so cheap. My budget wasn’t that low. Then you’re looking at condos in nicer buildings with better facilities all the way up to a two-bedroom unit. And that’s when it starts to get bit expensive.

We also went to look at houses for rent that were around Pattaya. And while the houses on one front were better because perhaps they’ve got more space and more room to do things, the negatives were that they were a bit more difficult to get to town from because they were so far away. But you’re telling yourself, well, do you even need to get into town? Suppose you don’t really, do you? But we weren’t decided yet. But that weekend party filled me with a sense of confidence that I could live here and be sensible with the budget.

Moving From Pattaya to Buriram

Going up to Buriram next was an exciting time. Although I hadn’t told her it was my interest to look into the possibility of living there and how much that would cost, it was exciting because when you’re leaving Pattaya, which is full of tourists of all shape and sizes, you’re leaving going into a more Thai-only town. There are less foreigners around. You do feel like you’re connected to the country more than other people. You feel like you’ve moved ahead and moved past what other people do and you’re more in tune with the country. That might sound weird, but that’s how I felt.

Life in the Buriram Village

It was in Buriram in the village where we were going to be spending a week in the family’s house, which was an experience that was quite difficult for me. I wasn’t used to taking an old plastic tub, filling it with cold water that was in this concrete pit, if you will, and throwing it over myself and squat toilets and all that, holes in the walls. I wasn’t used to that, but it was an adventure, and it was something I was always prepared to do. It was there when I said to her, “I’m really interested to look at how much land costs around here. Is there anyone wanting to sell any land? Is there any for sale? I want to see how much it would cost to build. Not that I want to do it now, but I’m just thinking about the future.

She seemed very happy about that and obliged and said she knew someone selling some land and we can go and look at it tomorrow. A day where we could have looked at it and she knows that person in the family who married a foreigner and here’s him and you can go and speak to him about how much a house costs and that sounded good to me. Like I said though, we were going to do then and be there for a week.

A Thai Village Wedding

And during that week, one of her friends was actually getting married in the village. Someone who hadn’t left the village, didn’t speak any English, someone who didn’t go to Pattaya to work or anything like that. Getting married to someone else in the village, too. We were going to be attending this wedding. The whole village was going to be going too. It was quite fun to start with. If you’ve been to a Thai wedding before, I mean, I’d been to my own and now I’d been to this one. It was quite similar.

There was still money presented by the husband and gold presented. It was a Thai thing, a real thing. You know that they have all the tables dotted around and on the table they’ve got a couple of bottles of beer and a bottle of whiskey and soda water and coke. You go and sit at a table and there might be 50 tables, so many people, a stage, and all kinds of things going on and everyone’s there having a good time after the wedding’s taken place. It’s just like a really big party stroke celebration and a really fun and exciting time.

A Thai Village Wedding Celebration

I was drinking a bit because that’s what you did. guys walking around with lao khao giving you a shot glass and pouring you one. Of course you’re obliging because you don’t want to be rude. My wife’s doing the same. She really is happy there and of course that’s where she’s from. All her friends are there and it wasn’t like she was neglecting me. But she’d go up and she’d be dancing. At the foot of the stage there’d be some room where people would dance.

Old guys dancing, putting money into the clothes of the dancers on stage. Younger people dancing altogether. It was really wild. Everyone’s drunk. Although I picked up on this at the time and it was something that alarmed me and I did talk about my wife with this and I will get to this. She was dancing around 10 p.m. pretty drunk as was I with a few of her friends, some of the girls, some of them guys. She seemed to be very close to one guy there.

I’d seen him in the village before. He’d come to our wedding. He’d been around and I knew who he was. Never spoken to him, but just seemed very close to him. The way that they were dancing together and perhaps touching each other, it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Perhaps it was just a drink and perhaps it was just them being friendly or whatever it might be. I didn’t want to make a scene there and then, but I would talk about it with her when he was touching her. That was a bit inappropriate, too.

And I know they’re drunk and no one’s saying anything, but I was uncomfortable. I even walked over after about 10 minutes of this and she’s saying, “No problem. Just friend, just friend.” And he’s looking at me and smiling and not really letting anything on. Other people were dancing too and doing similar things. So, I wasn’t really about to make a scene. It was not necessarily something that you should do in front of your husband at all, though. I didn’t think that was appropriate, but again, perhaps that’s just what they do there. The next day, I did bring it up.

She just said, “Don’t worry about it. Just my friend who I went to school with.” Okay, I thought I won’t worry about it. The guy even came around later that day, as did a few other friends. And although, if I think about it, there definitely did seem to be some kind of dynamic between her and him. Perhaps it didn’t seem as extreme as it was at the time. I don’t know. It just continued. We spent a bit more time and we left.

There were moments though when I’d be by myself for a couple of hours sitting having a beer and she’d be out saying she’s going to visit friends. Why would I not allow her to go and see friends? She’d get on the motorcycle and she’d go and do that.

Land Prices in Buriram

She came back about I think 2 days before we were leaving and said, “I spoke to my friend. You can go and speak to her husband about the house. You want to look at that?” And as soon as I arrived and I’m speaking to him, I forgot about all these things I’d seen. Perhaps I was just being paranoid. And I probably was because I was so excited at the prospect of actually the house and what it would cost. This was the guy who had a house that was a little bit further away, a small bungalow. It had three bedrooms, though. And he said after we’d been talking for a bit that the land was actually given to him or his wife by her family, and the house was 1.2 million Baht.

I felt quite shocked when he said that. What do you mean 1.2 2 million. And he said with a smile on his face, “Yeah, 1.2.” I thought it was going to be three times then. And that made me think, “That’s not a lot of money. I could even afford that once everything’s in place.” I left from there, chatting to my wife about the prospects of living there, and she said, “We have to buy land, and she knows someone selling land. Do you want to go and have a look?” I said, “Yes, but we’re not going to buy it now.” And she said she didn’t expect that. She never thought that was going to be a thing. We went to go and have a look and funnily enough it was the family of this guy who he was dancing with and he was there and I’m saying why have you brought me here and she said no family cell family land he friend and everything she says it was 300,000 Baht for this little bit of land but it wasn’t really anything to write home about wasn’t as extravagant as I would have liked but it gave me understanding of what the land would be worth and what the possibility of living there would be like when we left though I was happy with her and had completely forgotten about those little incidences that had happened between her and that guy because it didn’t seem like it was actually anything.

And again, perhaps I was just being paranoid. Most likely I was back in Pattaya for about a week or so before I was going to have to return home and put everything in place.

Choosing Pattaya After the Land Visit

But I did decide I just felt happier in Pattaya. Perhaps that was subconscious because I really liked the idea of living in the village. I really did. Perhaps it was some conscious living in Pattaya because there is, you know, more to do there, more things going on and you’re not going to be as bored. And okay, with my wife, I will admit, she wasn’t trying to push for any particular angle. She just said, “Wherever you’re happy, she was happy with me. She loved me and she wants to be with me. And wherever I am, she would be happy.” The fact she was saying that again filled me with a sense of confidence that I was doing the right thing.

I should mention that ever since I’d been with her, I was giving her approximately 20,000 Baht a month. I must say that she never asked for anything else on top of this. She was happy with that and it was good enough. I did buy her gifts every now and then, and usually this was just at my own free will. It wasn’t like she requested anything or demanded anything from me. I was happy to buy my wife gifts because I love my wife. She gave me things, I gave her things. Just because something costs money and something doesn’t, I didn’t see that as being a problem.

nothing to be alarmed about. I felt 20,000 Baht was a fair amount for her to be able to enjoy herself when she needs to see friends and she can buy things that she needs for her life. There wasn’t any, at least I don’t think there was any kind of problems between her family and where she needed to support her family. They didn’t seem to be poor in the sense that many people seem to be. She had a few other siblings too. Perhaps they helped them and perhaps she did help her family. I don’t know. But they did seem to have some things.

although primitive living accommodation. They had a pickup, they had a tractor, and quite a few big pieces of land dotted around the local area. I don’t think they were too poor where they needed money from her, but perhaps I wasn’t picking up on the fact that maybe they did.

Returning Home to Prepare for Thailand

At the end of that month, when I was due to go back home, I’d already committed I was going to live in Thailand. I’m going to go back home. It might take a while for me to arrange everything, but I’ll come back. The agreement was she’d go up and stay with her family, and I would go back and come back soon. It was very awful leaving her. Again, when I took her to the bus station to go up to Buriram, I didn’t think is she going to be seeing that guy? Is she going to be doing anything? I didn’t think like that because why would I?

It was something that I never considered to be a thing. And perhaps it was in the back of my mind thinking about that, though it would destroy you if you did. And perhaps I just blanked it out completely. I will never know. She went off to Buriram and I went home and I went back to work. I had managed to get those two extra weeks off I needed completely unpaid, but that didn’t matter. And I put my house on the market, sold everything I had, and I worked everything out. In just under 5 years time, when I get to 55, I’ll have £1,200 a month.

Once everything’s sold, I’ll have about £120,000 cash, which is more than enough to see me to 55, as well as giving me a big buffer. I reasoned with myself that it wasn’t a fortune. It wasn’t going to give me a lavish retirement, but it was enough. 20,000 Baht to her, perhaps 15,000 for rent. And if we spend 1,000 Baht a day, plus insurance and other things, it should be about enough. Once you’re living there, you don’t want to party all the time and go wild all the time, do you? You just want to live a normal life, and that’s all I wanted, a normal life with my wife. It was more than good enough for me, and I was excited and happy about the prospect.

Once I’d put everything in place and I’m speaking to her daily, she’s always answering the phone, and she’s always happy that I call and can’t wait to see me. But once I’d put everything in place and the house was on the market, I had enough money in the bank in the meantime to be able to go there and then and not have to wait for the house to sell. I’d had a few people looking at it and it was in a popular area, so it should go quickly. About a month after I’d got back home, I was flying to Thailand for what I thought was going to be good and a retirement visa stamped in my passport, which I’d got from the embassy that was going to be extended. I was so excited for this brand new adventure and a brand new life. was going to be living with this girl who I was married and I just couldn’t believe I was so lucky to be able to be with. The idea was I was going to meet her down in Pattaya. She’d come down a few days before to spend a bit of time with friends.

We were going to spend a week together enjoying our company, getting back into the swing of being with each other. Then we were going to find a place to rent and then, as they say, live happily ever after. That was the idea. That week I spent with her when I was back was exactly like planned. stayed in a reasonably nice hotel. Not going extravagant and going wild, but a nice hotel. I felt happy I was with her and she was always happy with me and I just felt like I was her world because she was mine.

Renting a House Near Pattaya

After much deliberation though, I decided I wanted to rent a house, buy a motorcycle if possible, just a small scooter. You could get one of those brand new for 50,000 Baht, get a secondhand one for 20,000. Just get one of those and we can at least get around. The idea was to find a house as close to Pattaya as possible. Maybe jump. Wanted to be able to go and have a good time as and when I needed to. And it wasn’t the be all and end all. Just being with her was the main thing.

Settling Into Pattaya Life

Before long, we find a place to rent that was around 15,000 a month. It had a communal pool, too, and it was detached. It was bigger than my house at home, but not worth as much money. We moved in, and I would say for 2 months, life was absolutely perfect and wonderful. It was after those two months when I’d finally got my house sale completed and the money in the bank and got my retirement extension and got everything set up where I just felt like I was now living. I was in Thailand now for good. I worked everything out. How much I could spend every month, how much I could spend extra on top for holidays and having a good time and giving extra gifts to my wife.

How much have I actually got? I worked it all out and it was so easy to stick to that budget. At least you’d think it would be easy to stick to the budget. For 3 months after I got that money and everything was in place, we were sticking to the budget and life was amazing. I was actually very thankful that she was declined that visa to go home with me because if she had got it, I’d still be working that boring job. Okay, she’d be with me and it wouldn’t be so bad and we would be saving more. By the time retirement would come, which was eventually going to be planned for 55, perhaps the income would be 40% more or whatever it was going to be. But maybe something would have gone wrong in those five years and you’re not even going to be able to live to enjoy it.

You always have to think of every eventuality. But everything was going according to plan. It was so easy to stick within budget. It was about, I would say, not long after this, when someone, oh, how I describe it, a girl that worked in one of the bars, who came from the same village as my wife, she was getting married to a foreign guy. For some reason, they were doing it differently. They weren’t going to have their wedding in the village. People and friends were coming down to Pattaya and they were going to do it there. This guy had a lot of money and he wanted to do it like that and the family agreed and it was going to happen.

It’s going to be quite a big thing. Cost a lot of money and it was going to be fun thing to do and experience. My wife said, “Can we have a few people staying over at our house? A few friends. They don’t have much money to pay for somewhere to stay.” I said that was fine. I wasn’t thinking was it going to be that guy as well or anything like that. Why would I? But when this wedding happens, all of a sudden, we get this pickupload of people, probably seven people in total, arrive at the house who are going to be staying with us for 3 or 4 days.

And that guy was one of them. Now, I’m not saying that I caught her doing anything or found anything out that was serious at that moment. Not saying that at the time I picked up on things between her and him that I should have picked up on. But looking back, there was definitely something going on that I should have known, but I didn’t. because you choose to see what you want to see and avoid thinking about what you want to avoid, don’t you? That’s exactly what I was doing. That wedding happens and eventually they go and everything’s normal.

Another Wedding Raises Doubts

It was, I would say, the biggest thing I did after that, which was very stupid.

Buying a House and a Toyota Fortuner

Only about a few months after that wedding, when a house two doors down from ours was coming up for sale, they wanted 2.1 million Baht for it. My wife just said, “One day they’re selling that house. What do you think of it?” Whether it was because I was in a fantastic mood or whether it was because I was stupid. Whether it was because I just felt like I was really living the best life or because I’d worked everything out and if we did buy this, there would still be enough money to take me until I got my pension and everything would be fine. Plus, we’d be able to save money on the rent. Perhaps that’s what it was. When she came and told me this house was for sale, it wasn’t her saying, “Can we go and look at it?” I asked her, “Do you want to go for a look?” She said, “Yes.” We went around. It actually belonged to someone who owned another house in that same housing estate.

They used to rent it out, but now they wanted to sell it so we could look at it straight away. It was basically exactly like the one we were renting. I worked it out with a bit of money spenting on it. It would be better than ours. It was just whether it was the happiest time of me being in Thailand, the happiest of living this new life that was better than anything I thought it would be, or whatever it was. I was never really able to put my finger on it. But about a week after we’d been to look at it, we’d been talking about it. I decided to buy it.

Let’s go for it. I wanted it and I wanted to make it a very exciting thing and it was exciting and we went for it and it went straight into her name. Amazing how quickly that went. We decided we wanted it. Went with the owners to the land office, gave them the money. They didn’t have a mortgage on it so it was quick and all of a sudden it’s hers. That felt like it was the next step to really solidifying my relationship with her as well as solidifying my time in Thailand where now I was committed and a property owner there indirectly through my wife. When we moved in, we were going to be doing lots of renovation work to win and it was probably going to take a couple of months, maybe three.

So, there was more money that I would be spending again. Whether it was because of this feeling of again euphoria, I suppose you could say, being in such a happy position, living in this house that was ours that we didn’t have to pay rent on, whether it felt like I was perhaps a bit further ahead of my station than I was in life, that it just felt like we really needed a car, too. Every time someone would come and visit, and I was making a few friends at this point, they’d have their Thai wife. They’d come and visit, and they’d always arrive in a car, and I’d look at my scooter and think, “I need a car, too.” I knew I could buy as a foreigner a car and I should have done that, but I was really attracted to again everything that would have worked out with the budget. I was attracted to a Toyota Fortuner. I couldn’t afford the top model, but I could afford one of the lower ones.

Buying the Toyota Fortuner

We went to the Toyota dealership to look at this Fortuner about halfway into the renovation of the house, not being able to believe that life was so good. Because of that, I bought a Fortuner, and it was going to go into my name. Everything I thought was sorted out, but they called up the day after when we were sorting everything saying that I needed to get a piece of paper from the immigration about a proof of address. Whether I was stupid or ignorant to do that or sensible or whatever, I just thought I can’t be bothered. Just put the car into her name instead. They said, “Okay.” So, she went to give them her paperwork, and I didn’t bother going to immigration because I didn’t want to. That was how the car ended up belonging to her. 1.2 million, the Fortuner.

But we had £1,200 a month to spend until I got my pension and I would get my pension and we would have enough money. I thought it was all perfect and a few months later the house is fully renovated to the style we wanted it to be. Didn’t spend a fortune on it. Maybe 500,000 Baht. That included everything. I didn’t think it was too bad. Included the workman, too. We had our car parked up outside and the house.

And I suppose my monthly budget at this point was about £40,000 Baht. So less than £1,000 at that time. You have to understand in Thailand you can live on that. Went out occasionally, mainly for Thai stuff, nothing expensive or extravagant. We did things together, occasionally going to the beach for a few days, and that was well within budget, too. My wife, I felt, was just perfect. She’d go off every month or so to visit her family. Sometimes I’d go, sometimes she’d go alone.

Sometimes I even cherished that time alone. We’d spend, say, a month together, and she’d go away for 2 days to visit the family, and I would be alone. I’d be able to go out and meet friends and have a few drinks and really live the retired life. Often pinching myself wondering how am I able to do this and how am I in such a fantastic position.

A House Blessing and the Thai Husband Suspicion

When the house was fully complete, she said she wanted something that was important to her. She wanted the house to be blessed and she wanted it to be blessed by the family monk. She called him the family monk needed to bless the house.

The House Blessing Ceremony

She’d already had the car blessed up in the village. She had taken the car up by herself to get that done, and it had all the sacred script that you want to call it, painted with chalk or white stuff all over the ceiling of the car. I thought it was petty vandalism, but according to her, the car was now lucky, and we’re not going to crash it. I didn’t mind. It was just a Thai thing, and I love being in Thailand. If my car’s got Thai markings on it because of the religious side of things, then so be it. I was happy about that. But family monk need to bless house, and I want my friend to come and have party.

That was good with me. I said, “I’ll invite one of my friends to and his wife.” She said, “Okay.” This was going to be arranged for which can’t remember which day it was, but arranged where we’d go and give some money to this monk, so he’d come down. Only one monk didn’t want the whole brigade coming down. He’d come, he’d bless the house. He’d draw the little symbols to give it some luck. Now, it was renovated. We were living in it. I don’t know why she was okay living in it before without it being blessed.

Apparently, she was uncomfortable. But why she was okay living in a rented house without doing this, I don’t know. Apparently, this was her, so it had to be done. Few friends coming down. And of course, that guy was one of them. Probably two other guys and maybe four girls. Some of them were together, some of them weren’t. Just close friends from school apparently.

That’s what she always said. They arrive at the house in the evening. The monks due in the morning. He’d been paid decent money to make this a reality. And we’re sitting there having a mookata, actually. Couple of drinks, enjoying ourselves. Monk’s coming in the morning. He blesses the house.

And then we have a party that evening. That’s when my friend and his wife came. Everyone’s drinking. Everyone’s partying. Everyone’s having a good time.

A Friend Questions Their Relationship

My friend said to me, you know, he just bought a house a while ago that belonged to his wife, too. But he had two kids though, so perhaps that was different. But he read a remark and I suppose I felt don’t know whether it was his place to make that mark, but he just said something like, “Your wife seems to like that guy.” He was sort of half joking, not wanting to be offensive. And I said to him, “What do you mean?” “Oh, nothing,” he said. “But perhaps they like each other. Maybe it’s her old boyfriend,” he asked. He then went on to say that he met his wife’s old boyfriend, so it wasn’t like he was trying to be hurtful. But he said, “No, I met my wife’s old boyfriend, and what a piece of work he was.

His wife actually had a kid with her old boyfriend before him, and they had two kids together, and she definitely wasn’t with him anymore.” And he just laughed it off. Perhaps we were both a bit drunk, so wouldn’t say that I was sober, would you? If you weren’t, but I don’t know. I just thought I’ve noticed things too, but I pretended not to have done. Suppose I was on an even higher alert after that. Few hours later, my friend and his wife got off in a taxi. Didn’t want to drive, so they left the car parked up and her friends were staying over again. She’s in the room with me in our bedroom.

They’re staying over and everyone goes to bed.

Discovering the Affair at Night

I wake up and my wife’s not next to me. Perhaps she’s in the bathroom. I need the bathroom. So, I go in. This is our en suite bathroom and she’s not there, too. I walk out to the living room and she’s sleeping with all her friends who were kind of just lying around everywhere. Now, you have to understand in Thailand, and this is something I found quite shocking to start with. Again, not shocking that it’s wrong, but shocking because it wasn’t what we would do.

But when she went to visit her family, she’d sleep with her mother and father on the floor in the living room because that’s where they slept and think nothing of it. That’s just what they do there. Perhaps it’s strange for me, but for her it wasn’t. But she was sleeping with her friends all in the living room and none of them in the guest bedroom. But she was with that guy right next to him sleeping. Now there and then I didn’t see anything going on. But she was right next to him. I just woke her up and said, “What are you doing?” She said, “Oh, I just fall asleep.

We had a few drinks together.” And she was not really wanting to say much. She’s got back into the room with me and everything’s normal, but I just couldn’t get back to sleep. Not at all. The thing was, I pretended to be asleep and I was just lying there with my eyes closed for probably over an hour.

Following Her at Night

And all of a sudden, she gets out of bed and she looks to see if I’m asleep and I’m pretending to be. She walks out to the door very, very quietly. About a minute later, I gently got out of bed, too. Open the door quietly and look outside. All of her friends were in the same place, apart from that guy, and she wasn’t there, and that guy wasn’t there. The other friends were all there. It was just the one bedroom where she could possibly be and I thought probably not. That’s ridiculous.

I thought, “No way.” But I went over and looked and yes, away. All the things, all those little hints that had happened, all those warnings that had taken place, it was all real. Yeah, perhaps it was her Thai husband after all. As much as I wanted to scream and shout, “What are you doing?” I had this sense of panic come over me. Like, hang on, you’re in her house and her car’s parked outside. You can’t know this at all. I mean, you can’t let her know that, you know. I gently walked back in the bedroom and I was furious.

I was full of more rage than I’ve ever been filled in my life with. And I’d just seen all that. I’d seen so many things, just indirectly, innocent things. But now it was blatantly obvious. It was just one of those times in your life when all the things that you’ve done, all the happy thoughts that you’ve had, I could just lose it all. Is she want to going to want to lose her golden goose, though? Is she going to want to lose the money that she gets from me? I’m thinking to myself, she’s not going to want to lose that.

I took the fact that she didn’t know that I knew as being the only thing that’s keeping this going.

Moving Plans After the Suspicion

Then it was a question of how do I make sure that I fix this? Okay, I don’t want to stay with her anymore. Definitely not. I do not want a wife that treats me like that. But how do I get the money for the house and the car? How am I going to do that? That was the thing. It was going to be quite delicate.

How is she not going to want to sell the house unless we get another house? She’s not going to want to sell the car unless we get another one. And that’s the thing. How do I work it all out? I’m still lying there again, not knowing what to do. I was shocked and furious. And she comes back inside very quietly, not too long later, and just lies next to me. And I just couldn’t work it out.

It was so brazen. It was ridiculous. But it happened. And I don’t know what about to do. It was complete lunacy. Perhaps she just loved him. And perhaps it was her husband. I don’t know.

No idea. We were the registered married ones. Anyway, the following morning, they were just like they always were, friends, normal. And their friends are leaving. They go, and my wife and I are having to be normal. I mean, I’m having to be normal with her. She doesn’t know. I know.

I suppose that’s the only thing that I kept telling myself. She can’t know. And I didn’t rush into trying to come up with a solution that quickly because that would be too brazen. We needed to sell the house, though. We needed to sell the car. And I needed to get the money back. And I needed to divorce her. That’s basically what I needed to do.

But how do I do that? It needs to be something that’s better for her though. At least to start with. It has to sound like it could be better for her for her to do anything like this.

Planning the Move to Buriram

It was about a month later again. An awful time of my life way up in the village. She said she was going herself, but I said, “No, I want to go too.” She didn’t try to stop me. We’re up there and okay, you see friends and she’s seeing that guy. Every time she’s going off by herself, you know exactly what she might be doing. But before you didn’t, now you do. And okay, you’re allowing it to happen because what choice do you have? You get to the point where you say to her when she talks about some land for sale, which she did regularly, you’re saying, “Oh, I’m bored of Pattaya.

Okay, we’ve got a house, but if we sell that house, we could build a house here instead.” Then I said, “No, you don’t want to sell the house, do you?” And she quickly said, “No, what do you mean? We can sell that house and we can build one here.” I told her I was bored of Pattaya again, just when she was talking about this. And she said, “No, this place is great. I love it here. I’d love to be able to live here. She said, “Let’s think about it. Let’s talk.” That was the first part of the plan. It just happened naturally.

Real naturally, let’s do that. And we didn’t come up with a solution there and then, but it was what I hoped would be the plan. Back in Pattaya, a couple of days go by and I say to her, “I’ve been thinking even more. I really want to move to Buriram. Don’t you?” As if I knew that she would say yes, but not expecting her to. Or not expecting her to expect that I did. Whatever you want to say. told her we could build a house and we could sell this first though so we’d we’ be able to do that and would that be okay with you.

It was like I was the one wanting that, expecting her to not want that, knowing that she would want that, but she didn’t know that. I hope that makes sense. But she said quickly, “I’m really happy to do that. I really want to live there.” And of course she wanted to live there for obvious reasons. Perhaps if she got that house, she wouldn’t need me anymore and she’d be able to move that guy in. That was how it was possible to be able to get to this household. And she said she wants to go and tell her family about it. This is only after we’ve literally just arrived back.

She wants to go back to see her family and tell them they’re moving up there. She was excited about this. We hadn’t even put the house up for sale yet. Oh, I want to go and tell my family. So excited, I said. And you go yourself, knowing what she was going to do, though. And she went for a few days to tell her family again. I was just playing it cool.

That was the moment in time when I went and hit the bars and met a girl and made sure to bring her back to the house and made sure that she wasn’t going to be my wife. Wasn’t going to be the one who disrespects me because I need to be to do the same thing. In some way, it was kind of crude, but it made me feel better somehow. And to be honest, I did that three times with three different girls. You do that to me, I’ll do that to you, too.

Selling the House and Car

She kept calling me up saying that this person wants to sell land and this person wants to sell land, too. And I said, “Well, we can’t do it now. We need to sell this house.” She said, “Okay, can you find an agent to sell it? She was really wanting to do it quickly.” She said, “I want to sell it quickly.” And I didn’t know though how quickly it would actually be, but I contacted a number of agents. This was before she’d even got back, and some of them came to have a look, took a few pictures, and it was listed for sale a few days later, and it was already decided that this was what we would do. And it was the first step. The second step was, “What about the car? What about the money like that?

It all needs to go in my bank.” Now, she didn’t know I knew anything, so that was important. And one thing she would expect was, “Well, it was her house. The money goes into her bank and we build something. I’m not going to be able to get the money.” But what would she think if I wanted to be the money in my bank? Like, I’m the man, so I want to pay. It made me feel better. I thought that would be the perfect excuse, and she wouldn’t be smart enough to know I was trying to do anything other than that.

Recovering the Money From the House and Car

About 3 months of absolute torture later, continuing to live with this, we had someone interested in the house. And once that had happened, I mean, I had to go up to the village with her one time to look at land that we could potentially buy. She was excited. It was her dream, and I couldn’t believe how excited she was. And I had to use that excitement to my advantage. I said to her, “I think we’d be living here and be a lot better off with a pickup instead of a car. I want to be able to help your family to transport things around.” Their pickup at this point had broken down and they didn’t have a chance to get a new one, and they used it for work. I said, “Maybe we can get a pickup and your family can use that, too.

Or maybe we could get two pickups, two cheap pickups, one for us and one for them so we can replace theirs.” And she said, “That sounded amazing. We can do business together and all the things she was saying, we can do all these things.” That was the next step. She’d agreed to that. And I said to her, “When someone is interested in the house, then we need to get rid of the car.” I said, “We need to make sure that everything’s done properly.” I told her, “Because I’m the man, I want to be able to pay for things. When we sell everything, the money can go into my bank.” and she said, “Of course, you can do it your way. That’s not a problem.” She was happy to do that. As far as I was concerned, it was just a waiting game, hoping the house sells and they don’t change their mind. These people had to get a mortgage to buy it, which meant it took a bit longer.

But a couple of weeks after this, we’re at the land office, and my wife received a cheque, goes and deposits in her bank, without hesitating, transferred most of it to me. Now, we lost 200,000 on the house based on what we paid for it, plus the renovation, but a small price to pay. I’d already agreed to which land we were getting at this point. I mean, I was hoping that she’d get me all the money, but she said, “I want to buy the land.” That was 400,000. So, that was what she wanted to keep in her bank, sending the rest to me. And I had to agree to that because what would be the reason to not? So, that’s what she ended up getting, 400,000. After that, we went to look at different cars.

The idea was two cheap pickups. And I told her my friend wants to buy this car, the Fortuner. I told her to sign all the paperwork and I’ll go and give it to him. She said, “Okay.” I got a copy of her ID card, copy of the house book, signed power of attorney and a signed transfer form, and took the car to a couple of different secondhand places to try and get the best price for it. Because I had all the paperwork, I ended up walking away with about 800,000. So, a loss, but anyway, that was in my bank.

Leaving After the Affair Was Exposed

We were staying at a hotel then because we got rid of the house and I went back to the hotel we were staying in and yeah, she was there and happy, but she wasn’t happy for much longer. I said to her, “I need to tell you the truth. I’m leaving you. She looked really shocked. What do you mean? I know about you and that guy again. What do you mean? She kept trying to deny it.

I saw it. I said, I saw you. What about the house? She said. And that was what she said. She didn’t want to talk about the fact that I was talking about this guy that I’d seen her cheating on me with. She was saying, what about the house? What about everything?

As if that was more important.

Ending the Marriage

I told her we can get divorced. We’re not staying together. What about the money for the house? She kept saying, “Well, it’s my money.” She was really furious, as you’d expect. She even started hitting me, but I didn’t care. She couldn’t hurt me. She was too small. But she was still really furious.

I said, “I found out and that doesn’t happen to me. I don’t like you doing that to me. I need to leave. Also, I will take you back to the house because of what you did to me.” And she just looked like she didn’t know what to say. Looked like she’d seen a ghost. Then of course it was, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. He was my boyfriend for a long time before.

I know him before you. I care about him, but I love you so much more. Don’t worry,” she said. “No problem. I love you more than him.” him just my friend, him just my old boyfriend. She was coming out with all this nonsense as if I was going to be accepted. And she said, “We can be okay together. We can be okay.

I love you. I want to stay with you. I want to live there with you.” And I just started laughing at her. No way. That’s not going to happen, is it? How am I going to do that? Then she goes back to being really angry. Angry and this and angry and that and trying to be nice.

It was like she couldn’t control what to do. Then she said, “I tell the police you stole money.” I said, “Go on. Then I have all the proof that I gave the money to you to start with. You tell her, please. I’d already in fact contacted the lawyer just in case anything happened, telling her the situation. He told me she could try and she’s probably not going to get anything to work. Okay, it was her house, but you have the money to prove that you gave her the money to start with. Potentially, she could try and get a lawyer, too, and take you to court for half of the money, but she’s probably not going to be able to do that and have the wherewithal to do that based on where she was from.

I’d said to her, “You go to police, do what you want.” At that point, I’d already had my bags packed and took them and left. I just felt happy in one sense that I’d got a bit of money back. Okay, I’d lost some money, a bit of to the land, bit to the car, and a bit on the house sale price, but I had most of it. She’d kept that bit for the land. That really annoyed me, but anyway, it was what it was.

Divorcing and Staying in Thailand

I remember going checking into another hotel and just thinking, do I stay or do I go? Do I stay? Do I go?

Staying Single in Thailand

Ultimately, I decided I wanted to stay in Thailand. According to the lawyer I’d spoken to, she couldn’t do anything. And if she tries, she probably couldn’t get anything anyway. She’s probably not even going to try because she doesn’t know things properly. She’s not from the sort of place where she understands how the law works. That’s what I was told. You’re probably going to be okay. I decided just to stay in Thailand.

It was nothing like I was tired of the country. I loved it there. And she called me a few times and I spoke to her a few times and she kept trying to plead with me to change my mind, but I never did. And it got to the point where she stopped contacting me until she contacted me saying she wanted to get a divorce because she’d met someone else. Of course, she’d gone back to work in a bar, met another guy. He wanted to marry her, too. I just thought, “Yeah, I’m happy to divorce you. You’re that guy’s problem now.” So, we got divorced.

From that moment on, I’ve just lived in Thailand. I will admit to getting into another relationship, and I will admit that that one went wrong, too. I lost about half a million Baht in that one. It wasn’t a position of being in sheer panic and potentially losing a fortune, though. But after that, the second relationship broke down. I did want to try again, but I knew that it probably wasn’t going to work for me because I couldn’t get what I wanted. So, I decided to stay single, and I’ve been retired in Thailand ever since. I have about £1,400 a month to live on, and that’s enough for me.

If I hadn’t got back that money, I believe I wouldn’t have made it until this pension age. And that’s the thing, I wouldn’t have been able to make it, and I could have all gone wrong for me, and that would have been the worst thing ever. And now, I managed to get to this position because of just wanting to be here. And that’s what happened to me in Thailand, my Thailand story. And I’m still living it today. I would say that holding back when I found out the awful truth about her that allowed me to be in the position I am in today and it worked for me. The thing is I believe although I loved her, I did. I really did.

I believe she was too stupid to understand what I was trying to play her because of what she was doing. Would you say I played her at her own game? I would like to say that. It makes me feel like I’m good and clever about what had happened. I would just say if I did lose the money, it would have been my fault for putting her in a position to hold that over me in the first place, but I didn’t.