Going into Battle for a Thailand Bar Girl

It’s not very easy for me to comprehend what went down when I went to Thailand, but maybe getting it off my chest will be one way to try to heal. The reason that it was so hard is because I fell in love. Really, I did. I don’t want to listen to all these remarks from people saying you should never fall in love with Thailand because you’re going to lose your money. I don’t want to hear it. I thought this was real. It felt real and that’s why I did what I did.

I never thought I would become so desperate that going overseas to find love would be my only solution. I always thought at some point in my life I would find my soulmate. That didn’t happen throughout my 20s or 30s or 40s. I was 52. That was the moment in time when I just decided it was about time that I just gave up. Gave up the whole idea as a bad job. The number of times that I’d been on dates with women and the number of times I was disappointed, let down and chewed up and spat out, I just couldn’t care to remember. I felt that there must be something out there for someone like me. Because if not, then why is the world so cruel?

52 though, that was the moment. I can remember it today when I said it to myself. Enough is enough. I’d been dating one woman who was 48 for about 3 months. I thought we were progressing well, and she seemed to be very unrealistic, though. She had unrealistic expectations of what was meant to come from this relationship. She had never had kids. She was always career focused. She was always believing that she should put her career first. She still, and I’m not saying this negatively, but she still valued herself as if she was in her early 20s, let alone her late 40s.

I was not able to understand that my status in life had improved dramatically since I was in my 20s because I was worth more money. I had a paid-off house. I drove a nice car because I suppose I didn’t lose any money throughout my life to other relationships. Although she had a paid-off house too and a car, it was as if she wanted to be. And I don’t know how to put this. It’s as though she wanted to be my husband and I didn’t want that.

We got on. We had shared hobbies and interests, but it didn’t feel right. I suppose because I was always trying to be the man in the relationship, and it’s as if she wanted to be that, too.

Enough was enough, though. After that, I just couldn’t continue with it anymore. And it really made me understand that it’s time to just forget about it and accept that you’re probably going to be single for the rest of your life.

A Thai Restaurant in London Changed My Perspective

That being said, though, one place that we went on a number of dates together, she was open-minded about trying different cuisines from around the world. I’d always loved Indian, don’t get me wrong. We’d been to Lebanese food. I’d never eaten that before. That was nice. We went for Greek food. Now, I had eaten Greek, but never at home. Eaten all kinds of different cuisines. Ethiopian. She really opened my eyes to this sense of adventure when it came to eating. We went for Thai food, too.

I distinctly remember being in that Thai restaurant in the heart of London. She was from London. I was from down in Devon, but I traveled up to meet her regularly. I distinctly remember going in there and seeing guys that looked relatively similar to me, give or take, in age and appearance, hand in hand, with extremely attractive women who must have been a decade or two younger than them.

I just remember holding this in my head and thinking this is what a relationship is meant to look like. They looked like they’re the man in the relationship. She looked like she’s the woman in the relationship. It just seemed to be the dynamic that I’d always felt missing that I was never able to find myself.

It wasn’t like I spent all my waking time thinking about it. It was just something I noticed and picked up on. Something I didn’t see when I went anywhere to any other restaurants. But in this Thai restaurant, that’s what I saw. It made me have some interest in what this was all about.

I’d always, up until then, 2013, this was, I’d always, up until then, felt an attraction to Eastern European women. I’d always felt that potentially going somewhere like the Ukraine or somewhere like that would be a good solution. So, it wasn’t like I never thought of meeting a woman from a different country before.

Thailand was never somewhere I thought about, but I was due a holiday. I was due time away. The last time I went away was with my ex. We actually went to Argentina of all places. That was on her insistence. It was great. I’d never been out of Europe before, but I was due time away and I needed to book the time off work. I just had this thought. I’m going to go to Thailand and I’m going to go and experience and see what it’s like.

A Diverted Flight on My First Trip to Thailand

I flew from London. It was quite a surreal experience. I mean, I’d flown a lot before, but mainly around Europe, once to Argentina, but I’d never flown such a long way.

Although I’d flown lots of times, I’d never been in a plane that was diverted. The plane was diverted, some technical issue, it wasn’t life-threatening supposedly, but it was a very nerve-wracking thing. The plane got diverted and landed in India. It was right on the east coast. Shocking time.

We had to deplane and I was shaking. The adrenaline was flowing after the pilot announced we’re diverting and I just felt I don’t want to go any further than this. Can I stay here?

I couldn’t do that of course. I think it’s one of those times when you go down and drink as much as you possibly can to build up the courage to get back on the plane, which we did about 5 hours later.

Landed in Bangkok without incident. I took that as a warning sign, as a premonition, because it really felt surreal. But I got there and that was the main thing.

My First Koh Samui Holiday

I knew nothing about Thailand. I’d been to the travel agent to book this holiday and they told me where the typical people went when they went on holiday to Thailand.

I was attracted to an island called Phuket. To be honest, I’d never heard of Phuket up until they told me, but I’d never actually booked there. They said another island was not as popular, but quite popular called Koh Samui, and that’s where I ended up going.

So, I was only in Bangkok for a few hours, having to get on another plane, again, a nerve-wracking experience because that had happened. And I landed on Koh Samui, eventually went to my resort, and for the most part, it felt like a very idyllic, tranquil place.

I was going to be there for a week, and after that, I’d booked a tour around the capital city, a number of tours. I had my itinerary all planned. That was a genuinely ridiculous mistake to make. When you’re going somewhere like that, you shouldn’t plan anything. Everybody says that you should take each day as it comes.

I found myself on Koh Samui and I’m looking around and thinking, where are all these women meant to be? Because people obviously went places like this. I suppose Koh Samui wasn’t necessarily the best place to be able to do that. I saw a couple of bars, saw a couple of restaurants, there were some small incidents and pockets of that kind of thing there, but for the most part, it was just relaxation time.

Probably by the time that week in Koh Samui had come to an end, I decided that perhaps meeting someone in Thailand wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be.

Bangkok Tours and Advice From a Hotel Bar

Back to Bangkok, and the first few days, I’m following my itinerary. It’s an action-packed day each day. I mean, really, I’d done the whole thing. I was picked up at a hotel at 8:00 in the morning, taken for breakfast, taken around, taken for lunch, taken around some more, taken for dinner, then taken back to the hotel. And that happened for 3 days.

Funnily enough, I was back at that hotel the third night. And I was just in the hotel bar and a guy walks in with a Thai girl hand in hand, goes and sits down at the bar. It was quite an empty place, quite an expensive place, I would later learn in comparison to what other places cost in Thailand. But he comes and sits down with his girl, and they’re talking and I’m thinking what’s he doing differently.

I will say I was probably on my third or fourth cocktail at that point and I just saw no harm in going up and asking him. I’m new to Thailand. Where do I go?

I did that and he looked at me like I was pathetic but maybe felt a bit sorry for me too and he asked me what I’m talking about. I said I came here but I’ve not had any luck at home. Where do you go? I wasn’t really saying it directly, but he understood. But he did say, “What are you interested in?” I can’t remember exactly what it was, but I just said, “I don’t know where to go.” He said, “Have you tried stepping out of the door and going for a walk?”

To be honest, I never thought of doing that. I suppose I was way out of my comfort zone. I felt like I needed my hand held to go anywhere. Just go for a walk. Is it safe? I was really naive and didn’t know anything about Thailand. And they just looked at me and said, “Go for a walk.”

Walking From Ekkamai to Nana Plaza

So I did. I went for a walk. I was staying in a hotel in Ekkamai, which I suppose wasn’t necessarily the sort of place where many tourists went, but it was all packaged up through this company that took me around to different places. And I went for a walk, but I didn’t really see anything.

Eventually, I happened across what appeared to be a cinema along a big road, which I would later learn was the road. I happened across the cinema. It said Major out at the front. I was lost. It did seem though that there was lots of stuff going on and I decided to just continue walking.

Went to have something to eat first though. I’d already had an early dinner with that company and I thought I’m going to have something else. They had a restaurant called Sizzler inside there. Later learned that that’s a chain kind of place.

I walked in and it’s mainly Thai people inside, but there were a couple of guys with Thai girls in there too. Western guys that is with younger Thai girls. I’m thinking I definitely must be doing something wrong here. I had a bite to eat, couple of beers in there, too. And I decided to just walk more. Just walk until you see something.

I walked past one Skytrain station, walked past another, and I’m starting to see a bit of action. Walked past another Skytrain station, and about 30 minutes later, I took a left down a road that seemed crazy. And I found Nana Plaza purely by chance.

That was a eureka moment. Okay, this is the nightlife side of things. Now, I’d heard about the nightlife, but until you see it firsthand, you don’t know what to expect.

My First Experience of Bangkok Bar Nightlife

I’d arrived and it was pretty, pretty raw. Difficult to explain what it’s like, if you’ve never seen it before. You don’t know what to expect. But as you do, I walked into one bar and I probably chose the worst bar to go in, or the best, depending on what you like. It was completely wild. Obscene, I suppose, would be the good word to use.

They had a big stage in the middle. Quite a lot of girls up on the stage, small bikinis on, little circular numbers, dancing and gyrating. Guys sat around the bar. Guys sat on couches around the stage, many of them with a drink and a girl next to them.

Now, I wasn’t thinking that this would be the place where you’d meet a girl, because that wouldn’t be sensible. I already knew that this was an entertainment place, and the sort of place where these girls are not going to be interested in a guy like me for anything more than making some money. I went and sat down, religiously did what I was told by this quite old woman that led me over to sit. I ordered a drink. She brings it over and she looks at me, looks at the stage and says, “You like?” Well, I like all of them, but it just felt like it was too forward.

But she insisted. No problem. she said. I just said, “That one.” “Which one? What number?” I felt awful. But I said number whatever it was. And she came and sat next to me and it was nothing like I imagined it would be. This was a real girl. This was a girl who was nice and sweet. She didn’t seem, I suppose, how I would think about this in my country. If I saw a girl doing something like this, I would have thought that she’s got huge mental problems or she might be addicted to drugs or she might be an alcoholic or anything that you would have thought would have led someone to do something like this. But this girl didn’t appear to be like that.

So, I ordered her a drink, too. That was alcohol, but it just didn’t appear like that was a reason she was doing it. It felt like she was a sweet, innocent girl who wasn’t really innocent because of how she worked, but just had a pretense of the shortcomings of where she came from. So, I’m really believing that this is an actual real meeting place. Meeting for casual, but also meeting for serious. It doesn’t matter. I felt emboldened. I thought this was amazing. This could be a place where you might actually be able to meet someone. Not that I felt like this girl was going to change all my life, but more of a confidence that perhaps there are more places like this. Some may be more laid-back, some maybe even more extreme. Because of that, perhaps I would be able to find something more suitable.

So, it was found. I found the place. It was set. And I spent the next couple of evenings because I was still going on my tours. Didn’t want to lose those. I’d already paid for them. I spent the next couple of evenings exploring the area, finding different sorts of places. I was a lot more interested in the places that were laid-back, like a normal bar, normal girls inside, but they worked for the bar, too, where you could go and order a drink and order them a drink. And it was like, you know, they’d gone with you, but it was like they were in the bar when you arrived. It felt really interesting. I’m finding that this really could be it.

Returning Home With Plans to Find a Thai Partner

Although nothing happened with any girl during that time that I was in Thailand, I left Thailand believing that me coming to the understanding that meeting someone at home wasn’t going to happen was a good thing. Now I could meet someone in Thailand if I wanted that. In order to meet someone in Thailand, I wasn’t going to have to go for 2 weeks to meet someone. That wouldn’t work because it just didn’t sit right with me. I’d have to go and spend a large amount of time there, spend a huge amount of time, and if I can find someone very good and if not very bad. That’s genuinely what I was thinking.

I never planned to live in Thailand. Never planned to live there. Although I liked it, I didn’t feel at home there. I suppose that’s how I might differ to other guys. I didn’t feel like I could see myself living there. I had a good time, but it just seemed to have a purpose. Thailand served a purpose and fit something that I needed and I wanted and desired, not somewhere I wanted to live.

When I got back home, I felt like I was alive. I felt like I’d found a place where I could potentially meet someone who wanted what I wanted. It really invigorated me and made me come around to the idea that this actually could be something that would work for someone like me.

My Paid-Off House and Plans for an Extended Thailand Stay

My financial standing at the time, I suppose because I hadn’t been married, because I hadn’t had kids and I hadn’t lost lots of money to lots of different things. I had a paid-off house which was worth about 300 grand. I had my car. That was nice. Didn’t owe any money. And I probably had 20 grand in the bank. Maybe my net worth was 350 grand. I would say not necessarily average, not above average, maybe slightly below average for my age, but I didn’t have any money in a pension because that would have been locked up. Suppose it would have been good, but I was always coming of an age when I claimed it then. But I chose to pay off my house instead, and I was happy about that.

I had a bit of loose cash and my plan was to potentially quit my job and take a couple of months, go to Thailand and really see if I could potentially meet someone and then arrange to have them go home with me and live there.

I’d seen so many people with Thai women at this point at home and that was well I assumed they were Thai. They could have been from somewhere else. Could have been, but I just assumed that this was the right thing to do.

I could get another job when I got back. That wouldn’t be difficult. I was in an industry that pays well and I’m in demand. I thought this is how I’m going to meet my life partner. I hadn’t had luck for decades, but now it was time to go to Thailand.

No idea and plans to live there. That’s very front and foremost in my mind. No plans to live there at all. Hadn’t even crossed my mind for a second. But I suppose love can do things to you that make you change your mind.

Returning to Thailand in 2014 to Find a Relationship

I got back to Thailand about halfway through 2014. So, I’d been at home for a number of months, just umming and ahhing whether this was something I should actually do. Should I do this or should I not? I decided I’ve got the cash to be able to. I’ve got a house to come back to, so I will. I’m going for it. It’s my turn at last.

I got back to Thailand and I hadn’t made the mistake of booking lots of tours because I wasn’t really on holiday. I was on an extended holiday, a fact-finding mission there with a purpose. I was there for a reason.

Because I decided this was an idea, the more I researched Thailand, trying to get to the bottom of the best place to go. When you’re researching, especially back then, you tend to focus on things that matter to you the most. I’m looking and I’m typing on the internet, where’s the best place to meet a girl in Thailand. You’re looking at all the websites that reaffirm what you want. You’re not looking at the warning signs. You’re not looking at everything that goes wrong. You’re not reading about how you might get ripped off or scammed or anything. You’re not reading about that. You’re just reading something to confirm what you want.

Many guys said the best place to meet a girl would be in Pattaya. There are a lot more girls there. A lot more laid-back, but just as hectic and busy. You’re close to the beach, too. If you wanted to go away with a girl, you could take her to a nice beach just across from Pattaya. Apparently, there was a place called Koh Larn. That sounded interesting and it appealed to me. I thought I might even take a girl there. Not thinking that it would be the girl I’m with forever, but just find a girl, see if she likes me, and if I do, let’s spend some time together and take it from there.

I suppose I was hoping that within a couple of weeks, I might get an idea of if it’s worth investing more time with her. From my understanding, again, only researching the sorts of things that I was dead set on believing. Believing that girls do want to meet guys, some of them don’t. Some of them are there for the money, but some girls want something like I want. They’re going to compromise on lots of things to be able to be with someone who can take care of them. And that was it.

Again, people don’t really mention the family side of things, do they? Either when you’re researching online.

Choosing Pattaya Bars Around Soi Buakhao

Although I spent a couple of days in Bangkok, I ended up in Pattaya. I’d already known where I was going to stay, found that hotel, and I suppose the first couple of days I was just getting the lay of the land, knowing where everything was. I very quickly decided that there were streets that I liked and streets that I didn’t. Bar areas that I liked and ones I didn’t.

I found Walking Street to be not to my taste at all. I didn’t like it. Soi 6 was fun, but again, I didn’t see the possibility of having a relationship with a girl wearing a bikini that grabbed your hand and pulled you into a bar off the street. I didn’t see a relationship with a girl like that at all. Very immodest, as being with someone would align to who I was. Not the same.

A couple of the bars around Soi Buakhao, some of them, not all of them. A couple of the streets where you take a left or right off Soi Buakhao and walk for a bit. A lot more laid-back sort of places where the girls don’t dress any differently than a normal girl would. Those were the places for me.

I suppose I spent a couple of weeks meeting girls, talking to girls, never really taking anything further because that wasn’t what I was interested in. I wanted to meet a girl and see if this is how I was going to be with her and be with her forever.

I’d struggled all my life. I’d struggled my entire life. Nothing had ever worked for me. I was 52. Well, 53 actually, should I say, at this point when I got back. But this was it for me. This was my chance.

Meeting a 29-Year-Old Thai Woman in Pattaya

Before long, I had met a girl. She was in a bar about 300 m on a soi off Soi Buakhao. I’d been in and I’d noticed her out of the corner of my eye when I was there for a drink. This is when I was just exploring and I thought she just appealed to me. She was very, very dark-skinned, which I found incredibly attractive. Very, very small, long black hair. I know lots of girls had long black hair, but she had really long black hair. It was nearly down to her thighs. It was that long. I wasn’t able to guess her age, but I would have guessed mid-20s.

I went back probably 2 days after going in yet again. You might really think I’m stupid for this, but I had gone around to different places, ticking which bars I liked, which had girls I was interested in. There were a few places that had already decided I wanted to go back to. This was the first one.

I went in and had a drink, and she was already speaking to a guy, so I could wait. He left about half an hour later, and I quickly kept looking at her, hoping that her eye would cross with mine. She saw me and walked over, and we started talking.

Not only did I find her very attractive, I found her very easy to talk to, too. I found that she was just very easygoing and lively. She didn’t seem to be shy, she didn’t seem to be out of place, or she didn’t seem to be there for any other reason than she wanted to meet a guy. That’s what it seemed like.

Perhaps I was so dead set in my ways that that’s what a girl is going to be working in a place like that for, that any other thought of why she would be there just didn’t make sense to me.

I had a really fun time with her. Really fun time, but for a few hours, a couple of drinks too, and I gave her a thousand baht, which some guys will say, “You didn’t do anything, so why did you give her that money?” Because I wanted to show her I was interested. I told her, “I’m here to meet someone, not here for anything casual.” I didn’t see any problem with that. I’m being honest, and I believe honesty goes a long way. Perhaps I thought also that honesty would be reciprocated too. So I gave her a thousand baht and said, “I’ll come and see you again soon.”

Learning About Her Three Children

I went the following day and she remembered me. She really remembered. She remembered my name, too. Not hesitating or anything. Great for you to come back.

And we talk again and we’re starting to talk about things that I believe I’m learning about her, where she’s actually from, how old she was, and she was 29. Actually, I underestimated, but she was 29. She had three kids who were living up in her village together with her parents. All, I suppose, many people would say, a very typical “Thai guy no good” tale. Left her with the kids and she’s in the bar paying for them and helping them, supporting them. I thought she was in the bar to meet someone who would help her take care of them.

Now I didn’t have children. I didn’t really want children at my age because I wouldn’t have wanted to raise a child when I was in my 50s and her youngest was four.

And if I’m meeting someone, I was, you know, perhaps because it was hammered into me by all the women I dated throughout my life when everything went wrong. It was hammered into me that you marry a woman and if she’s got children then that’s not a negative at all. That’s just part of it. Just the complete brainwashing that you get at home. I suppose why is it not a negative? I just thought if you’ve got children that’s no problem. That’s what I thought at the time.

We just spoke, learning more about her, and I was about to leave and say, “I’ll come back tomorrow,” and she said, “You want… What are you doing later?” I said, “I’m probably going to go for something to eat, then I’m going to go back to the hotel,” and she said, “Do you want me to join you? I’ll have something to eat. I’m hungry, too.” I didn’t hesitate. I thought, “If you’re ready now, well, you know, I have to understand. I knew she might meet a guy, and that’s how it goes. I knew that. But there’s a difference, I thought, between what I thought I was doing and what other people were doing. There was a huge difference, and I still see that difference today. If you are ready, let’s go. What do you want to eat?”

I was planning on going for a pizza or something probably, but I thought I would let her choose. She said she wanted some seafood. Wasn’t really much into seafood myself. Could never really understand the appeal to it, but I assumed it would probably be something that wasn’t seafood there, too. Whichever restaurant she chose.

Seafood Dinner and a Walk on Pattaya Beach Road

We actually walked for a bit. I think this was up to Third Road, or was it Second Road? I don’t know. In Pattaya, we walked up there and there were a couple of motorcycle taxi drivers. She said, “You get on the back of one, I’ll get on back on the other and I’ll take you to this restaurant.”

That was very concerning for me thinking about getting on the back of a bike because I wasn’t offered a helmet, but I went along with it. Okay, 10 minutes later, it’s quite a long way in fact, we arrived at this restaurant, which appeared to be a fancy one, but I didn’t care. I told her she could choose anywhere she wanted, and this is where she chose. They had live seafood outside, lots of people inside. Must have been very popular.

We went in and we’re talking and she’s getting these giant prawns and I ended up with fried rice. I was good with that. I’m just feeling like I’m liking her. I’m comparing her to all the women that I’ve ever gone on dates with before or that I’ve tried to have relationships with before. I’m comparing her to them. And she’s just exactly like I’d always imagined a woman would be. When you go out, she’s very delicate. She’s very feminine. Very feminine. I hadn’t witnessed that before. And it’s really alluring. It’s captivating. makes you feel like you’re an actual man for a change. And I find that the whole thing is completely intoxicating. I was feeling like I was on top of the world when I was there with her.

And I can remember again, that woman from London who I went to go up and meet on dates. It was like I was with a friend. It was like I was with a male friend, but now it wasn’t. And it really felt intoxicating. It was an incredibly amazing experience. I just felt this sense of calmness. I suppose I could find something real. And I believed I had found something real. She was. I’d found her. She was elegant in a very weird kind of way.

Finished up with that meal and I think we must have been at 9:00 p.m. So it wasn’t exactly late. It was quite close to the seafront. Very idyllic place. I mean, not necessarily compared to Koh Samui, but it was idyllic in the sense that I’m with her. She says, “Let’s go for a walk.” So we did. And this was on Beach Road. That was quite weird though. We’re walking on the beach hand in hand talking and you see in the corner of your eye girls stood on the beach. I’m saying what are they doing? And she’s laughing and explaining and it was I suppose a very seedy place if you think about it in that sense. But the bar where she worked at wasn’t. Some are seedy but some are normal and hers was.

We’re walking hand in hand and she turned to me and said I like you. Told her I like you too. She asked me where my hotel was and I told her. She said it’s not too far from here. I didn’t even know where I was exactly. I hadn’t got my bearings yet. But we’re walking in the direction of the hotel according to her.

Planning a Future Together Beyond Pattaya

Not only have I found the perfect girl who was actually feminine, a real girl, she wanted to spend time with me in my hotel. Suppose from that moment on I believed my search had found what I was looking for. I found exactly what I was looking for.

She wasn’t anything like I’d heard in other stories like I want to stay with you or whatever. She wasn’t saying I need to go and pay money for the bar so that I can not work there anymore. She didn’t take any money from me, you know, in the morning. She didn’t tell me to pay for the bar. She just stayed with me because she knew I liked her and I wanted her.

I felt like, okay, it was quick. You wouldn’t do something that quick at home, but it was Thailand. It was meant to be easier. It was meant to be quicker. It was meant to give you what you wanted quickly. And it was just a moment in life when everything felt like it had clicked into place.

I was already thinking that perhaps she’s the one and I can take her back home with me and get a job and perhaps within 10 years I’ll be able to retire for good and help her with her kids. I’d be able to support them. She wouldn’t be able to live with them, but we could come to Thailand once a year, maybe twice a year for 2 or 3 weeks. I was really set in my ways that this is what I wanted to happen badly.

I was due to be in Thailand though for a few months. It wasn’t that quick yet when this was going to be a thing. It wasn’t, “I’m committing right now after a couple of days,” because that would have been stupid.

But the days are going by and I just believe that things are clicking better. We go out to eat in the morning. We go for walks together in the evening.

Two Weeks at a Koh Samui Resort With a Private Pool

I think about a week after that we left and went to Koh Samui together. I told her how much I liked it when I was there and how much better it would have been if she was with me. So she said, “Let’s go.”

I’m not giving her any money at this point. Not a penny. I’m telling her I’m interested in a long-term thing here and she’s saying that’s fine. She’s going with me. I’m not thinking where is she getting money from to be able to pay for her children because she said she supported them. I’m just thinking perhaps she’s already given the money and she hasn’t been with me for a month and I might need to support her at the end of the month.

We went to Koh Samui. Actually spent two whole weeks in a really really nice resort. It was beautiful. Even had a private pool. She was always happy to just oblige and to swim if I wanted to swim. She was just being and behaving exactly like you’d want a woman to behave in a situation like that.

I’m falling in love with her by the end of that time. And it’s amazing. I was in love with her and I thought, let’s stay here a bit longer. We did.

The end of the month comes and she’s not asking for any money. Couple of days into the new month, we’re back in Pattaya. At this point, I said to her, “Do you need me to help you with your children? Do you need any money?” And she said, “Well, I do, but it’s okay. I have some money now. I just want to get to know you,” she said.

Whether she was serious, I thought, you know, at that point, I thought she was serious or she was playing the long game or whatever you want to say. I actually don’t know. But she said if she needs something, she will tell me. And I said, “Okay.”

Her First Request for 50,000 Baht

I’m not thinking about home yet. I’m still thinking a couple of months. I had to leave the country and come back in, which was a bit inconvenient, but I did it without complaining. And I’m still not thinking about home.

At the end of that month, so probably 3 weeks after I’d spoken to her about it, she said she actually now needs some money. She said she needs 50,000 baht. I was a bit alarmed. That seemed to be quite a lot of money, but she explained it was for a few different things all at once, and it’s not an every month thing, but this is what she needs.

I gave it to her. I obliged, said not to worry, and she said, “Thank you.” We got on to continuing our courtship phase. Wasn’t really like courtship. It was like full-on courtship. Everything at once kind of courtship. But it was great.

At least I must admit she does get phone calls regularly from other people. Probably a couple of guys that she might have met before me. But she usually speaks in front of me and says, “Oh, she’s with someone now.” Or whatever she says.

Discovering Her English Boyfriend and Monthly Payments

This is, I suppose, the bit where things start to get weird and actually really stupid. In fact, she had a call from a guy and I suppose she messaged and I don’t know exactly. I didn’t want to pry. I wasn’t someone who was expecting her to just toe the line and not speak to anybody or not do anything. I wasn’t controlling.

But she got this call and I don’t understand exactly the conversation. But she said, “I need to tell you something.” She said, “One of the reasons I don’t take too much money from you, even though I suppose you could say 50,000 across 2 months was a lot of money, is because I had a man who was my boyfriend. He’s from England, too. He comes to Thailand every 6 months and he sends me money. I didn’t want to tell you about him because I didn’t want to ruin what we had because I really like you.” She said, “I love you.” She really said that. She really said, “I love you.”

And I told her I loved her, too. I said again, “I’m not wanting to be controlling, not wanting to demand that she toe the line and do exactly what I wanted.” I said, “What is it about him? Do you like him?” She said, “Yes, I like him because he do nice to me. He sent me money. He sent 20,000 every month.”

And I’m thinking, “Wow, that is a lot of money.” And he’s been doing this for how long? 6 months, maybe. He sent money. I saw him and he sent money ever since. He say he loved me and he want to come back to be with me. I’m thinking that’s quite alarming. But again, I loved her at this point. And I said to her, “Well, don’t you think it’s right to change? I mean, we’re together now. We love each other. Maybe you should tell him so you don’t take any more money from him.” She said, “I already promised him that I will see him when he comes back. And I hope you understand that maybe I have to see him and then I can break it off with him and I will and come back and stay with you. I have to break it off with him because I already promise him that I will see him.”

I quickly said to her, “Maybe should I give you 20,000 a month instead and then you can stay with me?” She said, “Yes, you can give for me, but I need to break it off with him first. I don’t want to be not nice to him.” That was a huge spanner in the works. A very very strange thing. Very strange because if you’re in a relationship with someone, you can’t be in a relationship with someone else, too.

She said she wasn’t in a relationship with him, but she’d promised him things and she felt obliged. So, I thought, I’m going to have to go with this, aren’t I? I mean, I shouldn’t have done. It was stupid and it was an alarm bell, but I didn’t see it ringing.

Waiting While She Met Her Boyfriend in Bangkok

I asked when he’s coming, and she said, “In a week.” He’s coming to Pattaya. She said, “No, I promise him I will actually go to meet him in Bangkok at the airport. I promise him already. He already sent money to me for pay for this, so I have to do.”

As stupid as this might sound, I just thought, well, I do love her, and if she really goes and spends time with him and finishes it off with him and comes back to me, I suppose that proves she loves me. If she stays with him, that proves she doesn’t, and I’ll find someone else. As much as that really tore me to shreds and hurt me, that’s what I thought would be the best thing to do. I just reasoned with myself and thought, “Okay.” She said she would message me all the time, and she told me not to worry. She told me she loved me. She doesn’t really love him, but she’s got to do the right thing.

So, a week later, she goes up to Bangkok and meets this guy. She’s saying she’s not doing anything because of whatever reason. The fact that she was spending a few days with him in Bangkok before coming to Pattaya. I just felt weird. Maybe it’s because I loved her and cared about her. Maybe it’s because of that. That the more she’s not with me, the more I want her and the more that I care about her. That’s what I’m thinking. Okay. When she comes back, we’ll be able to sit down and talk and see what she really wants because I wanted her. As much as this didn’t feel right, she’s messaging me saying, “Don’t worry, she not she’s not doing anything.” I mean, I wasn’t stupid. I thought that’s not true.

But eventually, she comes back to Pattaya. This guy’s going to be there for maybe 2 weeks, maybe 10 days in Pattaya. She said, “Don’t worry. If he goes out, I will come and see you when I can.” She just said, “Don’t worry. I care about you and I have to tell him. I have to make sure that he’s okay because he really cares about me.” You probably could describe me as a complete idiot, an absolute fool, but I was going with it because I felt like I had no choice.

About 5 days later, she came for a quick visit and said, “I’m sorry. Now he go and play golf with friend, something like that. But I feel like I really need to be with him for the time because I feel like if I don’t, maybe he’ll do something bad.” That’s not good, she said. She said that he’s leaving soon. “So don’t worry then I will tell him when he leaves after he leaves. Okay, I cannot see him again. So don’t worry.” I thought, given where I’d met her, given the fact that this had happened, I will just go with it. I was deluded at this point. I really was deluded because I was really in love with her and I couldn’t see the bigger picture. I couldn’t see where I’d met her and the fact that there were thousands of girls around her here just like her and the fact that she was doing something like that. I couldn’t see it. She just said it’s not going to be a problem and I just had to go with it.

Her Other Boyfriend Decided to Move to Thailand

She’s messaging me for the rest of the time, and when he’s due to leave, she actually came to see me the day he was due to leave, saying, “I have a little bit problem. He tell me he not leave. He say he moved to Thailand now he live here and he say he want me to live with him but I don’t want to live with him. I want to live with you. I don’t tell him anything about you. I tell you because I love you and I respect you. That’s why I tell you. I don’t tell him anything about you but I want to stay with you. I don’t know what to do.”

I just said, “I want you to live with me, too. You have to tell him.” She said, “I know, but I just can’t.”

The fact that I’m even admitting this is very embarrassing and very stupid, but it’s like, “What’s going on? Does he love you?” She said, “Yes, he does. He still give money for me and he helped me. So, you don’t need to give money for me right now. Would it be okay if I spend a little bit more time with him? I help him find somewhere to live, and when I have the right moment, I tell him.”

This was crazy, but what am I meant to do? I thought, okay, because I’m not giving her any money. At least that’s the thing. I’m not giving her money, so maybe she just needs to break it off with him properly.

Paying 100,000 Baht to Be Together

She calls up a week later. What was I thinking? I really don’t know. But she calls up a week later and she does message regularly and I’m going out and drinking and whatever, saying if I gave her some money, she can now come and stay with me. She’s going to need 100,000 baht. That was a lot of money.

And okay, I’m thinking about her all the time. And she comes to me. I told her I’ll give her the money. She comes and sees me. She said, “Okay, she broke it off with this guy and we can finally be together.” Or so I thought.

Changing My Plans to Live in Thailand

I said, “I want to be with you now. I think we need to go back home to my home. I need to start working again and I want to put my life in order with you. Let’s be together. I love you. I want to get married to you so that we can be together.”

She said she’d happily do that. She said she’d made up her mind. She doesn’t want to go and live with me at home, though. She doesn’t want to go back with me. She wants to stay in Thailand. She thinks it’s better for her children. She thinks it’s better for her family and for her. She said, “If you want to stay with me, then maybe you have to stay in Thailand or you can go go back home and come back and see me, but you can.”

That was another really big dilemma for me because I wanted her more than anything. I loved her. Perhaps what you can’t have, you want more. Even though I could have or I thought I could, just perhaps her behavior. It was like I was only single-mindedly focused on being the world’s biggest I told her I’d think about it and she said, “Okay, we’re having a great time. We’re really happy.” Or at least I believe. Really happy.

It only took about a week for me to actually commit to the idea of living in Thailand. That’s what love can do to you. I didn’t have enough money. I had my house. I’d already used a lot of money that I’d had. Had my car. I could get rid of that. That’s what I decided to do. Sell the car.

It was a nice car worth about £10,000. Suppose it was quite old, but I got a friend to sell that and got that money together and I had about 15 grand, give or take. I thought that would tide me over for a while and I could take things from there.

By the time we get married, by the time we settled down, things are going to be really good.

Confronting Her Other Boyfriend at the Pattaya Bar

I’d say it was about a month or so after I’d done that, she was with me. And as far as I was concerned, that guy was out of the picture completely. But she said she’s got a bit of a problem. The guy that she was with before keeps going to the bar where she used to work and trying to find her. She’s already told him she doesn’t want to be with him. She just thinks she needs to go and sort things out with him. I thought how terrible. I thought we were already together and in love or whatever, giving her some money.

At this point, I was giving her 30,000 a month to be with me, plus other little bits and pieces that she needed. She was getting a lot of money out of me at this point, but she needed to go and meet this guy because of him giving problems at the bar.

I told her I’d go with her. She was adamant, “No, because he doesn’t know about you.” I said, “Maybe he needs to eventually.” I don’t know what she was thinking. She said, “Okay, we can go together and if he comes in and you’re there, too, then he will know.”

So, that was the plan that we had. We’d go to the bar and when he shows up, I’ll be there and we can talk about it. So, that’s what happened. We went to the bar probably four or five nights in a row. He shows up, sees her, smiles, runs over to her, and hugs her. That was weird. I stood up and introduced myself. I tried to be polite, shook his hand, and said, “She’s getting married to me. I live here. We’re going to be getting married soon, and she wants to be with me, not you.”

The guy looked like he’d seen a ghost. He was about to hit me. I think he was, and I think he probably saw the sense in not doing it. He looked at her and said, “I’m sending you money. I still send you money. I thought you were going to see your family.” So, apparently, she’d been telling him that she was going to see her family, and she was still taking money from him. I thought the fact that she’d allowed me to meet him proved that she wanted to be with me. I said, “I’m sorry that she’s been lying to you. I’m sorry about that.” But she wanted me to tell you that because she’s worried, she doesn’t want to make you angry or upset or whatever. She wants to be with me. That’s what she wants.

He said, “Well, I don’t know.” He was trying to speak to her and said, “Can we leave together? We can talk about it.” Eventually, she looked at me and said, “Maybe I need to go and talk with him.” How I allowed that to happen, I don’t know. But off she goes to speak with him together.

Conflicting Promises and a Rival Walking Away

She came back to the bar about an hour later looking a bit flustered. “He really upset. He problem.” He this and he that. “I don’t know what to do.”

Suppose the more this is going on, the more I care about her and the more I love her and the more I want her. Which is exactly the wrong way to be. I should have run for a mile. I said, “I really love you. Maybe we need to go. Maybe we need to leave Pattaya for a bit and we can be okay.” She said, “Well, he’s really, really not normal now. Maybe he have problem. He just gave me some money. Say make sure I can be with him.”

I asked her why she took that money. “All my family they need money too.” So I told her, “Let’s go. We’re leaving Pattaya.” She said, “Okay, I’ll leave with you.”

So we went together, or at least the idea was, but before we could, he comes back to the bar when we’re about to leave. He comes to me and says, “She just told me she was going to come and break it off with you.” I told him, “No. She just told me we were going to leave Pattaya together.” It was like we were both angry with each other about to fight each other. There’s this girl there who’s manipulating both of us and he just looks at her and looks at me and says, “Okay, good luck to you.” And he walked out.

Perhaps that was the moment in time he saw sense. But I felt I’d won. I felt like I’d won. I felt amazing. She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much. I’m so happy now.” Off he went.

To add more insult to injury and more embarrassment, there was a full bar of people watching this, but I felt just amazing. I’d finally got her to myself. That guy went. He’d lost 20,000 baht, but probably saw something I hadn’t seen. Even though that had happened, I just felt great.

A Phuket Trip and a Request for 60,000 Baht a Month

That following day, we left Pattaya together, and she was so much happier and so much more excited than before. We even actually went to Phuket for a great time.

Been there for about a week, and she said, “I hope you don’t mind because I don’t see him anymore. We don’t speak. I don’t have any money from him. He was giving me 30,000 a month, and you give me 30,000. I have to send 60,000 for family. So I need 60,000 from you now if we can live…”

At that point, if I gave her that, the money would be gone that I had. Little bit of cash would have just gone quite soon because I’d spent a lot on nice resorts and nice restaurants and a bag and things that she wanted. I’d spent a lot and I felt shocked, too.

All of a sudden, she wants 60,000 a month from me. It was alarming. I asked her, I mean, maybe we have to get married first because that’s the right thing to do. She said, “Oh, I need money. In the meantime, we can get married and I can take you to visit family and I can show them where you and you show you where I live because I have three baby. I need to take care of my family. I really need to.”

So, I agreed. Let’s do that.

Meeting Her Family and Discussing Sin Sod

At this point, I had already agreed to live in Thailand already. My car was gone. And we arrive at this village, which I don’t know, perhaps the writing was on the wall there.

We arrive at this place, and they’ve got quite a nice house, modest in comparison to a huge house, but nicer than lots of houses around. It was proper concrete built, properly insulated, even had air conditioning. They had a newish pickup parked outside and a couple of motorcycles, and they appeared to be doing quite well.

I thought, how good for them. Obviously, she’d been very good at getting money out of people, but I didn’t see that. They seemed very happy to see me. I don’t believe she ever took anyone home before. I thought we were really serious and really good with each other.

We talked about getting married and her father. He could speak a couple of words of English. He kind of shook my hand, not even doing the Thai wai. He shook my hand as if he was thanking me for making an honest woman out of his daughter. That’s what I felt like.

She started talking to me after we’d left, saying how much the family want for sin sod. They wanted, again, I don’t know how to say this, they wanted a million baht, and they wanted 25 baht weight of gold.

Well, I didn’t have that money available. I just didn’t have it available to me. And I thought, I mean, if that’s what it’s going to take. Again, I was just completely enamored with her. She was my life. She was everything. All the stupid things I’ve done and accepted. This was it. I needed her.

Selling My Devon House to Marry in Thailand

I told her I’ll get the money, but it’s going to take a while. I’d already decided that I was going to sell my house and that money is going to last for the rest of my life. So, I thought, “It’s fine. I’m going to do it.”

We arranged to get married in about 4 months time because I thought that would be how long it would take.

I sold my house for a little bit less than it was worth to get rid of it quickly. I got £280,000 for it. About £30,000 went on sin sod and gold, and we were married, and I felt like I was set up. She was getting 60,000 baht a month out of me, and I thought, if I spend that… I don’t know what I was thinking, but I believed we were married and content and happy.

We’d rented a place to live in Pattaya. It wasn’t much to write home about but it was all we needed. We went out together and again just like we were before, but now we were married and that was it.

That guy was completely out of the picture. Her family were happy and content and life was good.

Watching My Savings Fall and Moving to Her Village

I thought, for a year, I’d spent a lot of money through that year. Maybe £30,000 based on everything. The sin sod, the gold, that was £30,000, plus this other. I’d spent so much money.

I’m down to about £220,000. I’m looking at the picture though and thinking if this continues maybe that’s six or seven years and the money’s gone and then I’m in my early 60s.

I think that was the first time I talked to her about it. I told her exactly how much I’ve got, exactly what we can do, exactly what we can’t do. She said she understood. She told me not to worry. She said it’s a lot of money. We can be okay.

She said maybe the best thing to do is go and live in the village. If we go and live in her village, we don’t spend a lot of money there. we can have a house and we can live peacefully and go to Pattaya occasionally.

At that point I would have done absolutely anything she wanted and of course I agreed.

Losing My Savings and Discovering Her Thai Partner

It was about 2 years after doing that that all my money had gone. I found out that she was still romantically involved with the Thai guy who was the father of her children. I found out that the house that was built for her that her parents were living in was built by another guy who had gone up there and lost his money. I found out that she was just a professional at getting money out of guys and making them fall in love with her.

All my money was gone. I mean, that’s a lie. I had the money in the bank that I was using for my visa extension. That was 400,000 baht. I had a couple of thousand pounds in my bank at home, but aside from that, all my money was gone.

We had a house, we had a nice car, and she just had all that money out of me at any time she wanted. I don’t know how I did it. I was powerless to stop it.

I’m not trying to underestimate how I am as a person, but I was powerless to stop it. I just couldn’t do anything about it because she just made me so happy. She did things that I thought I’d always wanted that I’d never seen before. And I just chose the wrong one.

I’d lost it all. That’s when I’m finding when the money’s gone, she’s not the same anymore. She’d always said, “Oh, don’t worry. I will always look after you. I love you. I take care of you. No problem.” Try not having any money left. That’s not going to be the same. “I can’t believe you don’t have any money left,” is what she was saying. So different from what she said. What would happen if this became a thing? She’s saying this is now really awful. She’s saying, “I can’t believe you do this.” And she’s romantically involved with that Thai guy.

Divorce and Returning Home Without My Life Savings

She insisted I got divorced from her, too. “Can’t believe you do this to me,” she kept saying. “After all that, money, nice house, car, everything, all gone. I can’t believe you do this to me,” she said.

I was left completely destroyed. Absolutely destroyed. I just didn’t know what to do. My life savings, my everything had just vanished in Thailand. All of it was gone.

Then I’m thinking about everything that had happened, that other guy and fighting that guy for her. Just imagine when that guy walked away and said good luck. I just thought he saw it. He saw it, didn’t he? I didn’t see it until it was too late.

That’s when you go back home with nothing. Not enough money or anything. Luckily, enough money to rent a place, start working again, and believing you just completely destroyed your life. Didn’t have a pension that I’d paid into. Didn’t have anything. And it had all gone wrong.

I don’t have much of a better life now. I’m still single. I’m still lonely. Still alone and probably never going to have anything better than that. I do have enough money to travel and I do travel, although I can’t bring myself to go to Thailand. I do travel as much as I can. I have casual girlfriends when I travel because that’s what I want. But I miss companionship and never being able to have it though.

Aside from that, that’s my life as it is. It’s a warning to others. It’s a warning to others that just because you believe you want something and you deserve something doesn’t mean you’re going to get it. I believed I deserved a loving relationship. And I thought I’d found one. I thought she loved me. She just played me so well that it’s almost embarrassing. I mean, it is embarrassing. Of course, it’s embarrassing. It’s absolutely soul destroying. I live with it every day and I will live with it for the rest of my…