How a Thailand Relationship Destroyed My Retirement

I didn’t throw away my retirement. It was taken from me. But I know there will be some clever clogs saying it was my fault. Wake up. I was done over. And it had nothing to do with the fact that my girlfriend was 35 years younger than me.

My retirement was perfect. It really was. At least it started that way. And that’s what makes this especially hard to talk about. I’d chosen Thailand as my retirement destination because I had a deep affinity with the country after visiting there around five times throughout the course of my life. From my first time there, I knew Thailand was special and I even knew Thailand was a place I could see myself living. Although that first time I was there, I was with my family and it was more of a feeling than a desire. And pretty much from that first trip, Thailand became a big part of my life.

I’m going to tell you what happened to me because what happened to me wasn’t even something I thought would happen to me. It’s a sort of thing that happens to other people. But saying that, it just goes to show that when you do something, it doesn’t mean that things are going to turn out for the best.

Life Before Thailand

Firstly, I’d like to give a bit of information about myself. I always thought of myself as just your typical type of guy. Go to work, pay the bills, and support my family. I had a great family life, raised three wonderful children, but everything fell apart, and I was left twiddling my thumbs, not knowing what I should do with my life.

I would like to say that I really don’t get how so many other guys talk about how they regret their lives and everything they did in their lives. I can tell you this, I don’t regret anything that happened before I moved to Thailand. I’m not someone who blames anybody else or who points at an event and says, “If only things were different, everything would have been okay.” I understand that people drift apart. And I probably would have stayed with my wife if she didn’t want to get a divorce, mainly because it was comfortable. We knew each other and it was safe.

I actually saw it as a way that we could both explore other things we wanted to do with our lives. We got married young and committed to each other because we had our first child. It wasn’t a loveless marriage, but all of a sudden, I felt this newfound sense of freedom like I’d never felt before. This newfound sense of knowing that anything was possible and I could do what I wanted without having to run what I wanted to do past anyone else. That worked both ways. It was the same for my ex-wife as well.

And I started thinking back to those amazing times we had in Thailand when I’d been there before. As I already mentioned, I was always there with my family. And those were the times and that was the place where I felt happiest and the most content. With that, I made the decision and this was in 2018 that I was going to go to Thailand myself. It was going to be my first solo trip and it was going to be a very different experience to the times I went with my family.

I did feel proud to be able to give my family such wonderful experiences. We went away twice a year to all different kinds of places. We did spend a lot of money and because of that, I guess I didn’t have much savings because I could have saved everything I earned, but I didn’t. Experiences were always the things I pointed at as being the most important part of life. It was kind of like without experiences, what’s the point at all?

That being said, though, in 2018, I set off for Thailand. I was going to be there for 3 months, do a little bit of traveling around the region as well. And at the end of those 3 months, I fully expected to have come to a decision on what the rest of my life was going to look like. Was Thailand going to be the place I would retire, or would I look for somewhere else, or would I just decide to continue working a bit longer and retire eventually at home? It was a very exciting time for me.

First Solo Trip 2018

So with that, let’s talk about 2018. Back then, Thailand to me revolved around Phuket. Aside from being at the international airport in Bangkok, Phuket was the only place I’d ever been, and I thought I knew Thailand. 2018 was going to be no different. Initially, I just planned to stay in Phuket, and I was good with that. Although I did plan to leave Thailand and go to visit some other countries in the region, probably just one country that being Vietnam I didn’t really expect to see any more of Thailand than Phuket. Of course, plans change. That’s normal. And I was open to that possibility.

When I arrived in Phuket, I felt a sense of freedom that I’d never felt before. This was total freedom where it really did feel like I could do what I wanted when I wanted without having to seek permission. It felt great. I was looking forward to what the rest of my time in Thailand would be like.

Discovering Phuket Alone

I would like to point out one very special motorcycle trip that I made around Phuket after I’d been there for only a few days. I’d never ridden a motorcycle in my life before. I’d wanted to rent a motorcycle with my ex-wife when we went together and spend a bit of time touring around the island, but she always put that idea to bed, so we never bothered. The reason I’m mentioning this is because it just goes to show that this newfound sense of freedom was real. And being able to experience different parts of the island going from place to place it only happened across the course of a day, but it was that experience that made me want to learn more about Thailand as a whole and made me want to see more of the country. Maybe I could even do a motorcycle trip of the whole country, although I wasn’t thinking that far ahead.

I think it’s quite obvious that I never spent time in the bars in Thailand before because I was there with my family. My ex-wife always used to say that only people who were desperate went to places like that. But on my second week in Phuket, I found myself quite close to Bangla Road and I decided I wanted to go into a bar or two there just to see what they were like. I wanted to go in with an open mind. So that’s what I was going to do. And my initial reaction was that I just felt really upset that I judged people such as the girls that worked at places like that because for the most part they just seemed to be really kind, genuine, and that opened up that part of Thailand to me in a way I hadn’t expected.

I didn’t get carried away, but to be able to have a wonderful time all day be there either on a motorcycle or going on a group tour or going out on a boat, whatever it was I was doing during the first few weeks that I was there to be able to then at nighttime know that if you needed company because you haven’t had company all day, just for talking and drinks, nothing else. But the fact that you could do this with people who seemed to be real and genuine, nothing at all like my ex-wife described them as being, that made the whole situation far better for me.

The first few weeks went by too quickly. I really point to those weeks as being some of the best that I’d had since then. Things got better, they did, but ultimately, of course, things got a lot worse. So much worse than I thought possible. I do wish I could go back to that moment in time when I was single in Phuket and plan my life around being in a similar position to that forever. Things would have definitely worked out differently if I had done that. But we can’t look back and change things and that’s fair enough. But I am just trying to get across how happy and excited I was at this moment of my life because it really did feel like anything was possible.

I guess it made me open up in a way I hadn’t opened up before. That newfound sense of freedom got to my head, I think. And I guess that’s why I started to spend a bit more time in the bars. Why I started to take things a little bit further every single time. Before long, I was going into the bars every day. I hadn’t done anything other than go into the bars for a drink and to talk. Maybe a game of pool or Connect 4 or Jenga even, which they seem to have at places like that. And it was all very fun.

Meeting the First Girl

All that changed though after I’d been there for I would guess a month because I met a girl in one of the bars and I felt like things got a little bit serious between us. I know what some people might say in reaction to that. You met a girl in a bar and spent a bit of time with her and you think it’s serious. For me it was because I’d never done it before. How she felt about it at that moment in time didn’t really cross my mind. Because it was my plan to go to Vietnam. I’d already been in Thailand for a month and only had a 30 day stamp in my passport. I did extend that for 15 days at immigration, but I knew I would need to leave the country at the end of those 15 days and I could come back in.

About a week into that 15 day extension, I’d seen this girl a few times and I was actually really starting to like her. And she asked me I guess this was the third time I’d taken her out of the bar where we were just having a meal somewhere but she asked where else in Thailand I’d been and what part of Thailand was my favorite. She talked about where she liked and the things she liked to do in the different places. I told her that I’d been to Thailand quite a few times, but only ever to Phuket. She said she’d love to show me around to more of the country because there was so much to see and do. When she said that, it sounded like an extremely exciting thing to do.

Imagine traveling around the country with this beautiful girl by my side. Granted, she was considerably younger than me, but when you see so many other people with girls younger than them, it gets to your head and you start to think that it’s perfectly normal. It looked to be normal in Thailand. And because of that, when she said that to me, I told her how much I would love to see more of Thailand with her. That made me change my plans. Instead of spending the remainder of my time in Phuket until I had to leave the country, we went up to Bangkok together. My first time actually seeing the city outside of the airport. And the fact that I was experiencing it with her, I felt, made everything even better.

We spent that week together in Bangkok and I actually found that I was falling for her. I wouldn’t say that I loved her yet, but I really felt like we developed something together in that short space of time. And it made me feel that if I wanted a relationship, I could have one. If I wanted to be single, I could be single. And if I wanted the best of both worlds, I could do that. The reason this is so important is because Thailand it was just getting better and better as the days went by.

When we set off to Bangkok, we had agreed that if she was with me for a month, I would have to step in and help her with money because she wasn’t working. I was happy with that. I was happy to help her because where else was she going to get money from? I know I’ve heard this time and time again. It didn’t feel like I was giving money to her. It really didn’t feel like I was directly giving money to her, even though I was. It just felt like I had to step in and make up for what she wasn’t earning by not being able to work. And in my mind, those two were very different things.

With the time coming up when I was going to have to leave, we decided that she could spend a night in Bangkok and I would leave quickly. I decided to fly to Phnom Penh in Cambodia instead because it was just the most convenient flight. It was closer and I was only going to be there for one night. So far things were going great for me in Thailand and I was happy.

Leaving Phuket

I went to Cambodia as planned. I actually had a very wonderful time in Phnom Penh even though I was only there for one day. I didn’t know what to expect. But when I was there, I felt like it would be a place I would want to explore more of in the future. It was only a quick in and out though. I spent one night around the Sisowath Quay area, stayed in a nice little hotel, had a great French meal, and yes, I went into a few of the bars there. I was starting to get quite addicted to them, but I returned to Bangkok because I was dying to go back to see her.

She stayed in the same hotel I stayed in with her before I left, and she was there waiting for me when I got back with my brand new 30 day stamp in the passport. I had plans to extend that for another 15 days when it came to an end and then it would be my time to return home. We spent more time together and I was feeling like I was having the time of my life. I will embarrassingly admit that I actually felt like I loved her and like I wanted to make her a permanent part of my life.

The First Money Requests

Yet something happened. I would guess about 2 weeks after I returned from Cambodia. And that was she asked me if I could help her financially for something to do with her family. I’d heard of things like this happening to other people. A money request that will turn into another money request that will turn into more expectations for more money from me. But she was insistent that this was an actual emergency. It was a one off and she wouldn’t ask again. The only reason she was asking was because she wasn’t working and she didn’t have anybody else to ask. It was a very difficult situation. And pretty please, can you help?

I guess it didn’t help the matter for me. That is just how persuasive she was able to be. The things that she did in order to persuade me it pretty much made it impossible for me to say no. I ended up giving her this money. It wasn’t a fortune, but it was an amount of money that I felt left my possession, and I just said to myself, “It is a one off, so never mind.”

Time passed a bit more, though, when aside from that, everything was fine. I’m already thinking I will definitely be moving to Thailand, definitely starting my retirement. I would need to go home first and sort things out. That’s fine. But I thought we were going to be together. We even talked about this and it made me actually feel very thankful for what had happened to put me in this position in the first place.

Sadly though, probably only a week after I’d given her that first amount of money, she asked again, saying, “It’s another emergency, another problem, and really this will only be a one off.” So, I gave her the money again. I told myself, “Regardless of what happens, if she does ask again before I’ve even left Thailand, it will be a bad sign.” And although she promised she wouldn’t, sure enough, a few days later, this was definitely going to be the last amount. We’re talking about £1,000 the first time, another £1,000 the second, and this time it was even more £1,500. Of course, this was the equivalent in baht.

Yet that third request made me understand that it was just about the money for her. As much as I liked her and wanted to be with her and wanted to spend more time with her, I decided against it and told her I wasn’t able to help. I think it would be better if you went back to Phuket. I paid for her plane ticket for her to go back and that was the end of that. I still had time left in the country and quickly got over her pretty much the day after she left. It went from me feeling absolutely devastated and depressed to being “there are plenty more fish in the sea, so enjoy yourself.” I’d forgotten about her straight away.

It was a very important part of my Thailand journey because it showed me something that I should have known and it should have made me never make a similar mistake again. Yet things never go according to plan, and that should have been the only lesson I needed. But it wasn’t.

Finding Sriracha

I did enjoy the rest of my time there. I’d already decided I wanted to live in Thailand and I found a little town that I really liked called Sriracha just north of Pattaya and there was something about that little town that made me feel I could live there. With that, my time in Thailand was coming to an end. Some of the best 3 months I’d had and I was returning home guaranteed that I would be back in Thailand to start my retirement soon.

Returning Home and Planning the Move

When I got home, I felt like the world was really laid out in front of me. And I kind of had already planned what my future life was going to look like for the rest of my life. I was so certain that I was going to be moving to Thailand that I felt like I had no time to waste. The first thing I did though was go and see my children. I was very proud of how they were coming on with their lives and still am to this day. And they wished me good luck, jokingly saying, “Be careful and don’t get up to anything stupid.” I even went to see my ex-wife who wished me well as well. We had remained friends and it was nice to see her doing exciting things with her life too.

I wasn’t back at home for long at all. Since the divorce, we sold our family house and I hadn’t bought a new one yet, which meant I had my cash available to me. And it can’t have been more than about 10 weeks that I was at home before I was flying back to Thailand with a non immigrant visa in my passport.

When I arrived in Bangkok, I spent the first week just coming to terms with this amazing fact that I was now retired. And then I headed to Pattaya for a few days before going to see Sriracha just to see if it gave me the same feelings that it did when I was there the first time. It did, so I decided to rent a condo there. It was so close to Pattaya as well, which I found very convenient. While I wouldn’t class myself as your typical guy that likes to go to the bars, it was something I wanted to be able to be a part of my retirement, but not a big part of it. Just take every day as it came.

I guess I should mention what I retired with in terms of savings. I had about £280,000 as well as my private pension, which was only £700 a month, but it was still something. It felt like I had more than enough money to be able to live this retirement. I was in such a good mood every single day.

Beginning Retirement

When I finally had my condo, that’s when I felt retirement really began. A typical day for me would be going for a little walk around the town, maybe walking across the bridge to the temple in the distance, just taking in the sights and the sounds and going to have something to eat. I actually discovered a little street where they had some nightlife there. Although it wasn’t necessarily directed at Western people like me, it was still an interesting experience to see a different side of nightlife in Thailand.

After the first month, I went to Pattaya for a few nights and throughout 2019 that became my life. Every month, I would spend a few nights in Pattaya and for the rest of the time, I would be in Sriracha loving life. I even took a trip to Vietnam. I hadn’t visited last time I was there and it was my plan. So I went about halfway through 2019. It was my intention to go to Vietnam the year after to see Hanoi because the first time I’d only seen Ho Chi Minh. Of course that didn’t happen.

I was just happy in retirement and I felt like I was really developing a great life for myself and I didn’t want for anything. It was like I’d landed on my feet. Everything was amazing and I couldn’t think of anything that could ruin what I had. But as they say, best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

Meeting Her

My retirement really did get off to a great start. And throughout most of 2019, I did what I said, spending most of my time in Sriracha, going to Pattaya every month for a few days. That’s kind of how my life played out. All that changed in September of that year when I met a girl in a bar in Pattaya that made me feel things that I hadn’t felt for a very long time.

She just seemed to be exactly like the sort of girl I was interested in. She had a great sense of humor. She was always laughing and smiling. She was very easygoing. She always wanted to please. As if that was the most important thing for her, being able to please. When I met her and spent time with her and returned to see Sriracha, I found myself calling her often because we’d exchanged numbers and she was calling me too. I’d say it played out over the course of two weeks. What started out as just a little phone call saying it was nice to meet you turned into her calling me in the middle of the night saying that she missed me and she wanted to see me again.

I should have known the fact that she was calling me at 2:00 a.m. drunk was because perhaps her shift in the bar had finished. Yet, I didn’t see it that way. I just saw it as a girl who was looking for her prince charming. And I felt like that could be me. I know I am shaking my head as I say that because I don’t know why I thought a girl that was 35 years younger than me would see me as her prince charming. But it was her actions, the things she did, things she said, and the way she made me feel that made me believe that this was the case.

After those two weeks of calling each other and feeling like we were getting to know each other, I decided to go back to Pattaya a little bit earlier than normal 2 weeks after being there to go and see her again and see how things felt between us. If anything, it felt even better than it felt when I saw her the first time. And I started recognizing little things about her, thinking about the things we spoke about on the phone, and everything pointed to the fact that we really did seem to be made for each other.

The fact that she worked at a bar, especially in Pattaya, should have been everything that I needed to tell me that this wasn’t something I should be investing my time in, let alone my money. But at the time, I didn’t see it that way. The only thing that mattered to me was being with her and spending more time with her and trying to take the relationship that I felt we could build even further. That was all that mattered to me.

And I know, in fact, I know I deserve to have people shake their heads at me because after we’d spent a bit of time in Pattaya only 2 days I asked her if she’d like to come and spend a week with me in Sriracha and see how it felt if we spent more time together. I took her to a really nice restaurant, a very famous place for seafood, looking over the ocean, and we just talked for hours, drinking together, eating together, and it just felt like we were made for each other.

Taking the Relationship Seriously

That week, though, really moved my mental state from “okay, I like this girl and I want to spend a bit of time with her” moving towards the fact that I would be stupid not to try to make this relationship even more serious because she really was perfect. She really was real and she really had the same feelings for me that I did for her.

It was a very quick romance and it left me thinking to myself as we were approaching 2020, what am I going to do? I felt like I had a few choices. See her occasionally and be friends. Try to make this more serious and make her a part of my life. Or just forget about it because I could be committing to things that would make my retirement more difficult financially. I leaned towards making retirement easier for every other reason. Forget finances for the time being and let’s see where this can go.

Becoming a Couple

By December, I already had decided that she was one in a million and we worked out the details that would see us becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. I was happy to step in and support her financially because she had given up her job for me. And that’s how I saw it. I saw the whole thing as her giving up her job for me. And that made me feel very fortunate and lucky to have such an amazing girl. It really felt, and I’ve said this time and time again, like we were made for each other. I need to keep stressing that because it didn’t feel like I was just giving her some money and she was just with me. Many people will say that of course that’s how it was. But that’s not how it felt.

If it was only about the money for her, why would she do those little things that made me feel so good? Why would she always get me a drink if I was sitting watching the TV? Why would she offer to go and buy food for me when I was hungry? Why would she wake up earlier than me and bring me coffee in bed? You wouldn’t do those things if you didn’t have feelings for someone and if you didn’t care about them. At least I wouldn’t anyway, but perhaps she would.

She really did make me so happy. That’s what I’m trying to say. I felt like I was making her happy as well. If I had to actually be really honest, and this is again difficult to talk about, making her happy made me feel better than when she made me feel happy. As if I was improving her life, as if I was showing her things she’d never experienced before, as if I was giving her things she could never have dreamed of having before. Again, who hasn’t heard the same thing said by other guys, feeling like their purpose was making the life of this girl better, because in return, we thought that we would be her world.

COVID and the Beginning of the End

When the first signs of COVID started coming up, possible talks of closures, I actually felt very fortunate that I had her with me. It felt like I wasn’t alone. Didn’t have to jump through all the hurdles that were going to come my way alone. And if anything, I think it was COVID happening at the time it happened that made me do even more crazy things. It was as if that event had happened and come our way. And I used that as an excuse to start taking things even more seriously, running before I could walk. The thing was, she was doing the same thing. She felt the same way.

One of the things she said to me when it was clear that this was going to be bad was just how lucky she felt that she met me, saying she doesn’t know what she would have done if she hadn’t met me. And it wasn’t a little word now and then. This was her pouring her heart out to me. And nothing would make me feel that somebody could do that if it wasn’t actually real. We were together when COVID started. And I guess I’ll use this as my excuse as to why I did what I did and what comes next, why I did all those stupid things. But would I have done it anyway? That’s a question I can’t answer.

But from here, for me at least, things only go downhill, getting to the point of no return. In terms of how much money I was giving her, it worked out at about 15,000 baht per month. At the time, that was 25% of my monthly budget, but I thought that was fair. My condo as well as the utilities and the internet made up about another 25% of my income and the other 50% I was able to use for what I wanted to use it for. Little things such as if I needed to extend my visa that would come out of the 50%. Insurance that would come out of the 50% which was a big part of it. But aside from that, the rest of that money was available to me to use as I saw fit. If we went out together, of course, I would pay for everything out of that remaining money. But I felt that the amount I was giving her was the best use of that money possible. If I had that 15,000 baht I was giving her available to me and she wasn’t with me, what would I have used it for instead? I would be doing what I did before, going to Pattaya for a few days a month, and that would have probably cost me more than 15,000. I didn’t see this as me giving her money. I saw it as me making sure this retirement could be real. That was very important to me.

COVID Family Support

Because this was during COVID, though, this is when the first little problem began. Many people were struggling. People working in the tourist industry they were struggling. People working in lots of jobs were really having hard times. And it was quite clear that a number of members of her family were struggling tremendously because of COVID and I could see what effect it was having on her. She seemed really upset to hear about the difficult time that so many members of her family were having from her parents who were just in the village who if I look back probably didn’t have any effect on their life whatsoever because of COVID because their things were quite similar to before, but she said her parents were struggling. Mainly, though, it was people like her cousins, her brother, who had left the village and went to work in other places in Thailand. She talked about how many of them weren’t working anymore. Many of them were struggling. Many of them weren’t able to get enough money together to put food on the table.

Because I saw it as having such a negative effect on her, when she asked for a bit of help for her family, I didn’t see this in a way I would have seen it if it wasn’t COVID. If I look back to that first girlfriend I had who I ended the relationship with because she asked for too much money, I saw that as being a very different thing altogether because that was just randomly asking for money. But now it was for a reason. There was a reason behind it and it was pretty clear that she can’t be making this up because there are really people struggling.

That was why I gave as a loan 100,000 baht to my girlfriend so she could send that to her family and they could allocate it to whoever needed it the most. They had all moved back to the village, so this seemed to be like the best way forwards. I felt very good to be able to step in and help. I even expected to be able to go and visit the family at some point, maybe even get married. So, while it was a chunk of money that would have been better staying in my possession, the fact that it was going to help a number of people in my girlfriend’s family, considering how important she was to me, I didn’t care that I gave that money because I wasn’t expecting any more requests to come after this. I thought it was going to be a one off, but mainly because it made my girlfriend happy, and if my girlfriend was happy, I was happy. And that was the only thing that mattered to me.

Not long after though, maybe only a month, people were still struggling. It wasn’t enough money. There wasn’t enough money to go around. So, can you help again? And that time that was 200,000 baht, which meant so far I’d given over 300,000 baht. Again, though, I’m thinking that this is going to be the last one off. I’m looking at this again the same way as I would look at it if it wasn’t during COVID. I’m looking at it like if I don’t help, what will happen?

Buying a Condo

While all this was going on, one of the things I really liked to do in retirement was go and look around at different properties that were available for rent and sale. I’d been doing that pretty much ever since I arrived in Thailand. I liked to go and look at the show units of condos. I liked to go and look at second hand condos and just continue with the hobby I had at home where I used to do similar things with my ex-wife. Why this matters is because what happened next was quite an insane thing that I did which would compound later and make things even worse.

But because we were during COVID, everything felt so uncertain, everything felt so up in the air. I just felt this urge to have my own place. It was kind of like it would be one less variable that could shift in the future if we were going through COVID and you’re living in a rented place. It was that sense of uncertainty of not knowing what was going to happen that I think pushed me towards this idea. Because while it began as a hobby just looking around one day and this was after I’d already given over 300,000 baht to my girlfriend to help her family I’d just said to her, “We’re able to go and look around at this time because they weren’t closures during that time,” and I told her I’m thinking about buying a condo for us to live in. I asked her if she’d be interested to go and look with me. She said she would, so we went to go and look at condos.

I’d actually spent time already online looking at the condos in the area I was interested in. I really thought it might be a good time to buy because at that moment in time, people weren’t allowed into the country apart from going through very strict quarantine measures. I just told myself it would make my time in Thailand safer and more secure and better. So, we went to look at condos to buy. Didn’t take long for me to actually pull the trigger on a condo and buy one. It had amazing views out over Sriracha and into the ocean. Within walking distance of lots of the restaurants that we like to go to, and within walking distance to some of the malls it was very centrally located. The fact that it was twice the size of the condo I was renting and the fact that I could put my own touches on it and renovate it and decorate it exactly the way I wanted it that also made me think it would be the place I could see myself spending continuous days in a row without having to leave just in case things got worse with COVID and things got shut down again. That was the thing with the condo I was renting. It was a nice condo, don’t get me wrong, but it was a small one bedroom unit. After you’ve spent a few days in there, you’re starting to feel very cramped and like you need to escape and see the outside world a bit.

The idea behind this condo was it had a nice balcony. It wasn’t built up around the balcony so you had room to breathe. It wasn’t boxed in. And also inside there was a spare bedroom that could be used as an office or a games room or anything just so that when we were living together we could separate ourselves and make sure our relationship flourished. I know I’m basically trying to justify why I made one of the most ridiculous decisions I ever made. And as they say, the decisions I made later are considerably more ridiculous. But it was like COVID was conspiring against me to make me do things that weren’t in my best interests while at the same time I was thinking they were.

The condo that I bought was the equivalent of about £100,000. Granted, that would mean that we didn’t have any rent to pay, which would mean that my living expenses would be less. Yet, if I think about putting that amount of money into a condo, it was probably a very bad idea. At the time, I didn’t think it was. I thought it was the next logical step of the relationship, making sure we had a nice place to live if we weren’t allowed out for extended periods of time, and also a place that I could put my own touches on. That’s what it was about, and that’s why I did it.

Life in the New Condo

And when we moved in and started living there, I was happy. My girlfriend was happy. And we were both, I felt, so in tune with each other that I just couldn’t see anything happening that would make things go wrong. I wasn’t expecting anything of what came next. And the most difficult thing was though the fact that I did the things I did and why I did them. And it was obvious that there were lots of different events happening all around me at the same time, which all added up, which made me think that when I was doing something that was stupid, it still was only a little bit stupid. All the other things that I could have done would have been even worse. I think that’s one of the reasons that I hold on to to say to myself, “Well, you couldn’t help what you did. It wasn’t your fault.” I don’t know if I’m making any sense here, but even at this moment in time, I’m happier than I was the week before. I’m at my happiest and I’m continuously getting happier, not knowing that my level of happiness only really had one place to go from there and that was down. When it started to go down, the speed in which it continued to go down and get worse and worse was very, very concerning.

After I had purchased the condo, of course, my savings had been depleted quite considerably. I still had my pension money, which was the same as it had always been, and I still had enough money left, I thought, where I could supplement my pension income for the long haul. Didn’t have any rent to pay, which was good, and it felt great having our own place.

Another Request for the Family

I wasn’t expecting there to be any more requests for money to help her family. We’d already spoken about this at length a number of times. The first 100,000 was okay. The second 200,000 was a push, but I was happy to step in and help because of the situation at the time. But I made it very clear that after that, I wouldn’t be able to give any more money to help anybody because we had our own place now and we had to think about ourselves and our futures.

The Relationship Changes

Unfortunately, though, she did ask again after we’d been living in our place for only a few months. It wasn’t quick, rapid asks. This was spread out over time. But yes, after we’d been living there for a few months, she said that a few of her family members were still struggling. Some of them hadn’t managed to get jobs yet. Everyone was having difficult times and they were all living up in the village hoping for things to reopen so they could get back to work. With that, she asked would it be possible they could have another 200,000 on top of what I’d given so far.

I was really hurt when she asked for that. It actually hurt me more than I can describe because in a way it felt like she was betraying my trust. I’d made it clear to her time and time again that I couldn’t give any more money. It wasn’t possible for me to give more money. She said she was sorry. She didn’t want to ask, but she had nowhere else to turn. She wasn’t even able to promise that this would be the last amount of money if I did hand it over. The thing was, I just didn’t have 200,000 baht to help her family based on what I’d done, what I would need for myself in the future.

She said she understood and she didn’t want to push it. But she also said how difficult it was to be in her position. She wanted to help. She wished she could help. She would do anything to be able to help, but she wasn’t able to. So she said if I did this bit of money, she would try her best to make sure there would be no more requests. The thing was, though, at this time I pushed back. I did. I said I can’t. I tried to say to her, “Can we wait a few months and see then?” I tried to do everything I could to make it clear that I don’t want to give that money. But also, it had to be clear and she had to understand that I’m not going to be able to accept if she changes and doesn’t behave in the same way if I don’t give her the money. That was my big concern because I had this perfect girlfriend living with me and I didn’t want her to change because I wasn’t able to do some of the things that she wanted me to do for her family. I knew how important her family was for her. I just wanted to make sure that what we had remained the same.

She said it would. She said, “Don’t worry about it.” But I could feel little instances where it just didn’t feel the same as it felt if I had given her the money. Sometimes she wouldn’t bring me coffee in the morning. Sometimes she wouldn’t hug me the same way she used to do. She wouldn’t be the same way. While she said that nothing was wrong and everything was fine, just talking about how she was worrying about her family, I could feel what I felt was a huge difference. Although I suppose if anybody was looking from the outside in, there might have only been very marginal changes that many people wouldn’t have picked up on. But because I was living it and because I wanted and needed her to be a very specific version of herself, it was like I was already living with another girl. That really hurt me because I knew if I handed over that 200,000 baht to her for her family, it would go back to the way she was before.

The thing I still struggle to think about was whether that was purposeful on her behalf? Was she doing it on purpose or was it just an automatic shift in her feelings and her emotions at the time that made her behave slightly differently? I thought she was doing it on purpose. I mean, I still do, but I suppose there is a world where it was just her reaction to the situation that made her do them, although I will never know.

The thing was, though, she came to me a few months after this with something that I don’t know why but she managed to convince me would be the best of both worlds for everybody. And that was the beginning of the end.

The Business Investment

I would say it was a few months later maybe three, maybe four, maybe two I can’t really remember, but it was clear that she was wanting more help for her family, and she knew that I just couldn’t give it. I think she’d come to terms with the fact that I simply couldn’t hand over money anymore. But she turned it around, saying that quite a few members of her family were thinking about starting a business because they weren’t able to get jobs. Something to do with something in the village that they wanted to do. I didn’t really get too much detail. But instead of her asking me for more money to help them, she asked me for money to invest in this business that her family wanted to do.

I think that because I was investing, I would be a part owner of the business. Okay, I wouldn’t be the owner on paper, but I would be entitled to half of the profits. I invest the money, they do the work 50/50 partners. While initially I was a little bit hesitant, I actually saw it as a very exciting prospect, something that we could do together. I thought when things got back to normal, we could go up to the village, get married, see the business, and be part of it, and actually feel like I was part of the family. Instead of looking at it the way I should have done which was this was a lot more money, completely out of my control, blindly trusting that something would work I just saw it as they’re from the village. They know what they’re doing there. That’s where their life is based, so why would things go wrong?

With that, I would guess it was only a very short amount of time after she’d brought this idea to me that I agreed to somehow invest a lot of money into this business for her family. It totaled about 2.5 million baht. And as I think 2.5 million baht in my head, that’s when I get shivers and this sense of dread that I felt when everything started to go wrong. It’s like I’m reliving those feelings. And it’s very difficult to do. But that’s what I agreed.

The Business Proposal

I’d agreed to invest 2.5 million baht into this business. I was coming out of my own investments, but I just saw this as a different investment. I was replacing my investment with another one. And this one should, if things went according to plan, make a lot more money for me. Therefore, more money for my girlfriend as well, therefore a better life for both of us. Once that was invested, I had my visa money left 800,000 baht in the bank and I had 3 years’ living expenses, which was my must hold onto fund, and that was it.

I felt quite proud when I invested and a sense of confidence this was going to work. It’d been given a timeline of around 3 months until I should expect to see the first return, and my girlfriend and I actually celebrated. We went out to another nice restaurant, had a beautiful meal, celebrating the fact that we were now both part business owners, and we couldn’t wait to go up to the village and see the business when the time was right.

When those 3 months came to an end, it was exciting. We were waiting in each day that went by, just thinking about how much we were going to be getting, looking forward to getting that first return. Yet, as if almost like clockwork, instead of it happening the way I expected a first payment being sent to my girlfriend and her giving it to me it was more a conversation that I had to have with my girlfriend when she said to me a few days before I was expecting the first amount that things were still progressing. She said it was taking a lot longer than expected and also things were a little bit more expensive than they had thought before.

One of the things that really makes me shake my head even more was the fact that I didn’t even really know exactly what this business was. Something to do with farm equipment that they were buying and renting out around the local area and that was why large sums of money were needed. Unfortunately, though, my girlfriend said that this was sprung on her because she was expecting the first payment to arrive soon too. But she said that she had a call from somebody in the family saying that things were going okay, things were progressing well. They didn’t have enough money for the equipment, didn’t have enough equipment, and they were still sorting things out. The building where things were going to be stored was still being built, and there was still an amount of money that was required.

It was put to me that if we could invest the same again, the first amount of money would all go to me, so I could recoup my next investment before they got any of their money. The first thing I said, “That’s impossible because I don’t have any money to invest.” I told my girlfriend to tell them that they were going to have to make it work with what they have. And she got on the phone and appeared to be saying those things to them. But it was clear, according to her, that they needed more money, otherwise things weren’t going to work.

Securing the Second Investment

Again, why I didn’t see this for what it was, why I didn’t even go up to look, why I didn’t do anything I don’t know. Because I agreed to do something insane. All I had really of value, not including the money I needed to live for 3 years which I always kept in the bank and my visa money, was the condo. I was a foreigner. I couldn’t take a loan out against the condo. But after much talking and much consideration about things, we both decided that we could transfer the condo to my girlfriend. We were going to be getting married after all soon anyway, and then she would be able to take a loan out against the condo, and once that was paid off, the condo would be transferred back to me. That’s what I did. And I can’t believe it, but I did.

And about a week later, the condo belonged to her. She went around to a number of banks. Now, it wasn’t one of the big banks that offered the loan. It was a bank that I didn’t really see on the high street, but she managed to secure a loan of about 2 million baht on the condo. And apparently, that was sent up to the family, and it was more of a waiting game. I was a lot more nervous this time, but still quietly confident that things were going to work because I was just so deep with my girlfriend. That was all that mattered to me.

Pretty obvious what comes next. But the fact that I did that, not even thinking that something bad could happen, just goes to show how far gone I was. That’s what Thailand did to me. I think it made me do things I would never have otherwise done. It made me have a false sense of confidence. And I just don’t know really. I just don’t know why I did it. I still don’t know. But I did. That was when there was no hope left.

The Aftermath

I think it’s pretty obvious what happened from there. We never got any money. I did see pictures, though. That’s one thing. It did appear that money was being invested. It wasn’t them saying, “We’re not going to give you any money.” It was just “things are taking a bit longer, so just wait it out.” But the problem was there were now payments due on the condo. I just couldn’t step in and pay. She got the loan against it. So if she wasn’t able to pay, then it would be a negative for her as well. But I just got to the point where 3 months after giving them this other money, nothing came. There weren’t any more requests, though, so that was good. But I literally just had to say to my girlfriend, “We need some money now, otherwise things are all going to go wrong.” She did appear to speak to her family and every time it was like, “Just wait. Soon, soon.” And I was prepared to wait a little bit of time, waiting six more months possibly. And while we did start to get a few little bits of money here and there, it wasn’t anywhere near enough to pay back the loan on the condo, and it wasn’t anywhere near enough to replace the income that I would have had if I never did what I did in the first place.

The worst part of it was, though I mean, it’s not really, is it? But the fact that I’m still thinking this is the worst part of it, again, just goes to show how far gone I was. But the fact that me and my girlfriend weren’t getting along the same anymore that’s what was making me upset. As if this money that I’d lost was the afterthought and I’m more concerned about my girlfriend because I just loved her so much.

I’d say after those six months of waiting, after we did get little bits of money here and there, me and my girlfriend were not spending as much time together. She was going occasionally to Pattaya. I’m occasionally going around Sriracha and just doing what I can to escape the situation. But our relationship came to an end. We did put the condo up for sale and sold it for an absolute knockdown price to get rid of it very quickly. And I will give it to her that she did give me that money from the condo. But based on everything, I got about £20,000 out of that condo when I spent £100,000 on it. But I will give it to her that she did give me that.

Selling the Condo and Leaving Thailand

When all that happened and when we separated, I think that was when I understood just how bad things had got and understood that I couldn’t even continue my retirement the same way anymore. And I actually left Sriracha and went to Pattaya just to try to get my head straight, try to think of a way how I could somehow salvage things. It was obvious I couldn’t. With everything I had, I had about £65,000 to my name as well as my £700 a month pension. Starting out with £280,000, that just goes to show how much I lost in such a short amount of time.

I tried to work out whether I had enough to even stay in Thailand and continue my retirement. It just didn’t feel like it would be a good idea. I could only see myself doing something else stupid. And if I did that, that would be the end of it. So, I made the difficult decision around the start of 2023 that I was going to leave Thailand, go home, get another job, and just tell everyone that it was fun while it lasted, but I missed home, and I missed my family. So, that’s what I did. I returned home in 2023 right at the start, rented a house, got a new job, and just got on with my old life, coming to terms with the fact that I destroyed a perfect retirement because of a girl that I met at a bar in Pattaya. As ridiculous as that might sound.

Now, it doesn’t end here, though. I want to be honest. I really want to be honest. I still missed her when I was at home regardless of what happened. I still loved her. The reason I’m telling you that is because ever since I left, I actually continued contacting her. We spoke regularly. I returned to Thailand about 6 months after I went home and met up with her again. She talked about everything that had happened. She talked about how sorry she was, how things just didn’t go according to plan. She even said she would happily spend a bit more time with me and let’s see if we can work things out together. And if things go okay, then why don’t we just try and work through it? Let’s go and see what was invested and where that money was and see if we can salvage anything. I was really pushing myself towards that idea because I really did love her. But it’s pretty obvious what happened, isn’t it?

The Final Request

Before the time came to go and see the family, “Would it be okay if I had 50,000 baht?” That was the moment when I stopped loving her. That was the moment she completely meant nothing to me anymore. It was as if that was the release that I’d been waiting for all along. Her asking for more money again after everything that had happened. That was when I started to heal.

I haven’t been back to Thailand since then. I’m managing to save. I’m managing to put things together. And I know I will be able to move somewhere soon. I’m thinking about going to Vietnam.

The reason I wanted to share my story is because it just goes to show what love and feelings can do to a man. I always considered myself clever, level headed, never going to do something stupid, but I did very stupid things. I still missed her. I still loved her. I saw her again. I thought we were going to work things out. And it was that last ask for money that fixed me in a way. I’m glad that I went back to Thailand and I’m glad that happened because I know I will never make any mistakes like this again in the future. I’m planning on enjoying my retirement. I will be able to have another go soon. But it took me doing some stupid things before I understood who I really was and what I could do. And I know I won’t make the same mistake again. Sadly, I know many guys will. I know many guys will make the same mistakes that I made, not knowing they’re making them until it’s too late. So, if this goes some way to help them, then it will have been worth it.