Going to Thailand with an Open Mind

Preparing to Leave England

I thought I was going to Thailand with an open mind. I’d heard all the warnings, watched all the videos, and felt like I knew exactly what I should look out for. The only thing I told myself was, “I’m not going to fall for a girl in Thailand.”

Researching International School Work

I’m a qualified teacher by trade, and I was getting a bit disillusioned with the way teachers were being treated back at home. So that’s when I started looking for opportunities online in different countries around the world.

Being a qualified teacher and a native English speaker means there are opportunities in a big selection of countries. I saw opportunities in China and Japan, and while the salaries that were offered in these countries were slightly higher, I eventually decided on Thailand.

Planning a New Career Abroad

Choosing Thailand for the Long Term

I spent a lot of time doing my research, and I was coming quite close to the end of my career. I planned to work for another 5 to 10 years before retiring. This is why I chose Thailand. It seemed like it would be a great place to retire. And after working there for 5 to 10 years, I should have already developed a great knowledge of the country.

I was seeking a professional posting. There seemed to be lots of job opportunities for people who were simply native speakers. Those were the low paying jobs, and that’s not what I was looking for. I was looking to work at either a university or an international school, and I contacted an agency that placed teachers in schools.

Based on my experience and my qualifications, I was very quickly offered three different positions. I chose one at an international school. The salary wasn’t too far away from what I was being paid at home. And because of that and all the research I had done, I thought I would be able to have a better life in Thailand than I could have at home. So far so good.

I handed in my notice at the school where I worked. They were all shocked to learn I had decided to move to Thailand. A few of the teachers there seemed to be equally as disillusioned and told me to let them know how it went. Maybe they too would think about doing something like that.

Doubts Before Departure

Working for the last month knowing I was going to be leaving soon was an interesting experience. I liked the school I worked at, but the salary was just too low. I was 51 years old, and I hoped I wasn’t doing something that I would later regret. I wondered if I was too old to be moving to a different country to start working. Should I have just worked until retirement at home? Maybe then I could have done some traveling.

I put all the doubts to the back of my mind. There was no point thinking like that because the decision had already been made. And I will admit to being extremely excited about the prospects of doing something completely new.

I’d never been to Thailand before. I’d never even been to Asia. I knew it was going to be a culture shock. I didn’t know how much of a culture shock it would be, but that culture shock in some ways was a positive thing opening my eyes to something different that I’d never experienced before.

A History of Being Single

I had never married. I got close once, and we were engaged, but we never ended up getting married. We just drifted apart. Both of us came to work on our careers. It just got like we were putting up with each other because separating would be an inconvenience. We’d both need to find new places to live, and there were lots of reasons why it took a long time before we did separate. But we did eventually, and after that I remained single.

I never met anybody else but I wanted to. I would, but I just didn’t find anyone. And aside from work, I just buried myself into hobbies that I had always enjoyed.

When I left, I rented out my house. I still had a mortgage on it, but the rental income was able to cover that. And in 8 years’ time, it should have been fully paid off. That was my retirement plan. It wouldn’t have been much, but it would have been enough. And I was hoping over the next 5 to 10 years that I was working to be able to add to my retirement fund. That’s what I was thinking about, and that’s what I was planning.

The Airport Moment Before Moving to Thailand

And when the day came that I was actually going to be going to Thailand, my friend drove me to the airport. Two very distinct feelings came over me. One of excitement, because I was going into the unknown. But the other one was fear and trepidation. What would happen if I didn’t like it? What would happen if I got there and it wasn’t what I was expecting it to be? Would I be able to come home easily and get another job?

I couldn’t get the tenants out of my house easily. They’d just signed a 6 month lease. I had nowhere to live if I had to come back. These were all the thoughts I was having. But I did guess that that was normal. This was a brand new start, and it was only natural to feel like this.

After I checked in for my flight, I went to the departure area. I found a place to have a couple of shots of whiskey. Flying was something that I never enjoyed, and I was always able to cope with a bit of liquid courage. I bought a book to read on the plane, and when it was finally time to board, I showed the boarding staff my passport and ticket, that was going to be the last chance I could change my mind.

I was thinking about it, and as I walked down the ramp and got on the plane, all the feelings that I had that I was doing the wrong thing disappeared, and all I could think about was the exciting adventure I was about to have.

The Last Chance to Change My Mind

My seat was right at the front of economy a lot more legroom, so that made a difference. And I was going to have to change planes. The direct flights when I was looking were going to be too expensive. So I just had to accept that the next 18 hours was going to be traveling, and I had to get over that and patiently wait to arrive.

Arrival in Bangkok

I had a person from the agency coming to meet me at the airport in Bangkok. They were holding out a sign with my name, and they whisked me away to an awaiting car. I was glad that they had arranged this and I didn’t have to do it on my own. They took me to the hotel, and Bangkok was everything like I was expecting it to be times a thousand.

Meeting the Agency Driver in Bangkok

Everything you read about, everything you watched, and everything that you’d heard other people talking about Thailand none of it was an exaggeration. It was all real. And then I thought back to before I boarded the plane and how I was considering changing my mind. I was so glad I didn’t because I was in a full and exciting new chapter of my life.

But it wasn’t without being brave. I didn’t get there just by saying one day, “Oh, I’m going to Thailand.” It took a lot of careful planning, a lot of research, and it took me a while to be able to force myself to actually follow this dream. It wasn’t like it was easy. But it was worth it.

The agency dropped me off at the hotel, and I was due to meet them the following day. I used that first day to enjoy the city. The first place I went was MBK the shopping mall. I heard everyone talking about that and raving about it. That was a while ago now, before they changed the layout, but it was fun. And after that, I went in a taxi to the famous Khao San Road. I didn’t feel like I fit in there. Most of the people you saw walking around or other foreigners at least looked a lot younger than me. It was where all the backpackers went after all, but it was good to see.

I went to Chinatown after, and then back to my hotel, which was in Phrom Phong. My first experience of Bangkok was unquestionably the best place I’d ever been. And I realistically thought that that would be the best place I would ever go. How would it be possible that somewhere could be better than this? I didn’t believe it was possible. And that was going to be where I was working. That was going to be a fact. That made things even better.

Getting the Paperwork Sorted

The next day, the agency came to pick me up. They took me to the office and started talking about the procedures for me to get my work permit. They had sent me lots of documents I needed so I could get a business visa from the embassy before I traveled. And they took photocopies of documents and started the process for the work permit. After I had that, I would then be able to extend the visa I had, and I’d be able to legally work in Thailand.

I’d read lots of stories about people working as teachers illegally. Most of them said they didn’t have any problems, but I wasn’t about to do that, especially at my age.

With that, I had two weeks before I was officially going to start work. I wanted to have some time to have a holiday before getting into my new job, and I was going to be going to a few different places in Thailand.

Discovering the Nightlife

I spent the next couple of days in Bangkok. On my third night, I decided to go and look at the nightlife. I was never interested in nightlife or going out at home. So I was expecting that I would have the same feelings in Thailand. But when I walked from my hotel about 20 minutes, I found myself on Soi Cowboy. That was a shock to the senses.

I would never dream of going somewhere like that at home or somewhere like that in any country in Europe. But somehow in Thailand, it felt different. It felt like it was acceptable to go somewhere like that in Thailand. And seeing so many people there normal-looking people enjoying themselves. This wasn’t some seedy place like you would get in most countries. This was right in the heart of Bangkok. It wasn’t hidden. It was in plain view for everyone to see.

I guess that’s why when I went into that first bar, I wasn’t thinking straight. I was just thinking, “Live a little.” Let’s just say I had an amazing time. The following morning, I couldn’t get over just how good the night before was. It felt acceptable to be enjoying that type of thing in Thailand. It didn’t feel like you weren’t meant to go there. If they didn’t want people going there, they wouldn’t have put it right in the middle of the city with bright flashing lights that you could see from every angle.

Phuket and Chiang Mai

But I was leaving Bangkok. I booked a flight to go to Phuket. A friend of mine went on his honeymoon there and said it was great, and it was. I hired a motorcycle and toured the island. Lots of tourist sites, but I was drawn to Bangla Road. One of the things I promised myself before I left to go to Thailand was: don’t get carried away. I knew what happened in Thailand. I didn’t even think I would want to go to places like this, but it drew me in. It sucked me in.

And the three days I spent in Phuket mainly involved me waking up late and going to the bars on Bangla Road. I always thought I was a respectable teacher well qualified, hardworking. Part of me felt out of place going to the bars, but I just reasoned that this was Thailand, and this is what you did here, and I let it grab hold of me.

I booked a flight up to Chiang Mai next, and I did the same as I did in Phuket. I hired a motorcycle and rode around. Chiang Mai was far better than Phuket if you’re interested in riding a bike. The mountain scenery is some of the best I’ve seen. I did find myself though gravitating towards Loi Kroh Road and the bars there. It almost felt like there was something pulling me towards them.

If I think back to when I was working as a teacher in England, I could count the times that I went to a bar or pub over the last 10 years on one hand. I just didn’t go there. I had no interest in them. But here in Thailand, this was my new calling. No matter what I tried, I kept going, and I was really enjoying myself.

I really loved Chiang Mai. It had become a place I would want to visit again, but I didn’t know when I’d get around to that.

Settling into Bangkok Life

I got back to Bangkok about 5 days before I was due to start working. The paperwork hadn’t come through yet, but it was time for me to find a place to live. I don’t want to tell you the area where I lived because then you might have a guess at which school I worked at, and I don’t want that to happen. It would be very obvious if I told you.

But I found a one bedroom unit a 20-minute walk away. Lots of people talked about how bad the traffic was in Bangkok. I’d experienced that firsthand, so I thought if I could walk to work, that would eliminate any of the problems with traffic. Turns out that was one of the best things I did. When you start making friends with people, finding out that some of them are spending an hour in the Bangkok traffic to go to work not on a public transport route so their only choice was to use a taxi.

The condo had a pool, but no one ever seemed to use it. But I did. I got a lot of use out of that and the gym. A 30-minute walk in the other direction took me to Sukhumvit where the bars were. And I was looking forward to spending a few evenings a week going to the bars.

I started work and loved it immediately. I got my work permit about a week after that and extended my visa. It was so easy to do everything after that. I got my bank account opened, and I started to settle into my new life. I was paid quite well, but I don’t want to say how much, and it was very close to what I was earning at home. And I just found out how much more affordable it was to live in Thailand. Although I found myself choosing Thai food whenever possible for lunch or dinner.

I’d finished work around 4:30, go back to my condo, and try to wind down. But over the first few months, I found that as soon as I was getting home, I was going straight to the bars. They were drawing me in, and I couldn’t stop myself. But I was enjoying myself, and I was spending an amount of money that although I didn’t really want to spend I was hoping to save a big portion of my salary. I wasn’t spending more than what I got from my salary.

I hoped I would get bored of it. But I never did. Every time I would go to the bars, I’d fall in love with another one of the girls. And then you go to another bar and immediately stop thinking about her and fall in love with another.

The Girl Who Changed Everything

That all changed when I met the girl who I would eventually marry. When I met her, I knew that I liked her, and I was mentally trying to force myself to run away. That was the thing I promised myself when I left: don’t fall for a girl in Thailand especially a girl like this. But I couldn’t help myself. Not long after, she was living with me in the condo.

She was 32, two children, and an ex husband who she said was in jail. She moved from her village when he went to jail, got a divorce from him, and started working in the bar to support her children. They lived with her aging parents in Buriram. I couldn’t even picture what kind of life she had. It was so different to mine, but she was a breath of fresh air for me.

The dynamic of the relationship was so different to the relationship I had with my ex partner. In my old relationship, we both worked. It felt like an equal partnership. But this didn’t feel like that. It was very one sided. It was clear that I was the provider. I was the one who worked and had to pay for everything and take care of her and her children. And it was her job to be the best partner she could be.

If I say that again more accurately: it was clear that I was the provider. I was the one who worked and had to pay for everything and take care of her and her children. It was her job to do absolutely nothing. I didn’t see it like that at the time.

Sacrificing My Own Enjoyment

What I found happening was that when I got home from work, instead of going to the bars by myself, we went to more local places together. This cost less money, and it was with these savings that I was able to help her and her children financially. If I think about what I was really doing, I was sacrificing my own enjoyment and entertainment. I wasn’t going to the bars anymore. I was still spending the same amount of money, but I had her.

She had a great way of making me feel like I wanted to feel though, and the relationship just flourished. After 6 months, we got married. I even had some of my friends fly out from England to come to the wedding. This was likely the only time I would ever be married, and I wanted to do it right.

We didn’t do the normal “go up to her village and have a ceremony” type of thing. We booked a venue in Bangkok and paid for her family to come down and stay for a few days. It worked better for everyone that way or at least it did for me. And as soon as we were married, I felt an even deeper connection to her and to the country of Thailand. And I’d fallen in love with Thailand just as much as her.

The Mai Pen Rai Attitude

The thing I liked most about her was that she never seemed to get angry. She had a very “mai pen rai” attitude. And if you know what that means in Thai, it’s kind of like “never mind” or “don’t worry about it.” It made for an easy existence. I didn’t get home to nagging. I got home to her smiling. Sometimes she’d cook, but most of the time we’d go to one of the local restaurants close by.

I’m still thoroughly enjoying work, feeling like it’s the best thing I ever did moving to Thailand. And when it was the holidays, we would go to different places in Thailand together. And life felt like I’d always dreamed life would feel if I sat down and thought about it. I was there living in Thailand, working in an international school, married to a perfect lady. What more could I possibly want?

I was content at that moment and I was for the first two years of our relationship.

The Subtle Change

During those two years, I did witness her change ever so subtly. And I’ve been thinking of the best way to describe this. When I met her, let’s say that she was 100 out of 100. After the first 6 months, she was still 100 out of 100. At 8 months, she’s down to 99. At 12 months, 97. At 2 years, 93. And she’s like changing. Or is she moving closer to who she really is? That’s something I often think about and try to understand.

After two years of living in the same condo, doing the same things, that was when she came to me and said, “We should start thinking about buying our own place to live.” I hadn’t even considered that. I asked her what she meant. What did she have in mind? She said, “Why don’t we look for a house? It would be bigger. We’d be able to stretch our legs more there, and it would solidify our relationship even more.”

I already thought that our relationship was solidified, but because she’s asking, I’m prepared to go and look. We quickly found out that anything we could afford was too far away from the school where I worked that would take my daily commute far away from what I considered acceptable. She understood that. She probably thought there was no point trying to push it because I wasn’t going to buy a house too far away from where I worked. You always have the chance that you’re going to have a different job at some point, and maybe that would be further away. If I did ever change jobs, I planned to change condos and move closer.

I said, “What about buying a condo?” But she didn’t like the sound of that. She said, “Condos are okay to live in temporarily, but as a permanent home that you own somewhere you had to grow old in, you should really have a house.” That conversation stopped, and it wasn’t talked about again for a long time.

A New Job and a New Opportunity

A year later, I was actually offered another job. It was paid about 25% more than I was already being paid. So I had to jump at that opportunity. It was on the other side of the city, close to Rangsit. And when looking for somewhere else to live, she brought up again the possibility of buying a house. She said that there were more affordable houses in Rangsit and that it shouldn’t be too far away for me to go to work every day.

I was hesitant at first, but it did make sense. We had it arranged that because I worked in Thailand and had a work permit, we could get a mortgage, but it would have to be in her name. I would then pay for the mortgage. After a lot of looking around in the few weeks before I was due to start the job, we found the perfect house, and it was only a 10 minute drive away from the school.

I was really hesitant, thinking this might not be the best thing to do. But to make her happy, I agreed, and we applied for the mortgage in her name using my income. We had to move into a hotel temporarily until we found out if we were accepted or not. And about a week after starting my new job, we were informed by the bank that it had been approved and the house could be ours.

My wife was very happy, as you’d expect her to be. I had to pay the equivalent of about £10,000 as a deposit approximately 450,000 baht at the time. That was a 15% down payment. The house was 3 million baht. I probably spent the same again another £10,000 on getting everything we needed for the house. And I also had to buy a cheap car so I could use it to go to work.

The Daily Grind

I was enjoying my new job, but it was taking longer than 10 minutes to get there in the mornings. The traffic on the road around there in the mornings and evenings was bedlam, a complete nightmare. It was a nightmare to get to work, but it wasn’t that bad initially. I was prepared to accept it because my wife seemed to be very happy with the fact that we had a new house now.

The payments we had to make were quite high. They amounted to about 35% of my salary. That’s a lot more than we were paying in rent, but we did take the mortgage for only 10 years. I had to extend the amount of time I planned to work. But after 10 years, when it was paid off, I should then be able to retire.

On top of having to pay off the mortgage, I was also giving approximately the same amount to my wife. She used that for her day to day living expenses and to take care of her children. And now her aging parents also needed financial assistance. So we were able to look after them as well.

After paying for the rest of the bills, we didn’t have much left over to go out and eat as much like we used to do. And while it was fun having the house, cooking there every day wasn’t what I went to Thailand for. But we had to do it in order to save money.

Resentment Begins to Build

The new situation I found myself in did get boring fast. While I was okay with the drive to work and back when we moved in, after 6 months I’d had enough. I didn’t want to be battling traffic every morning and evening, and it started feeling depressing because of it. It was also taking a toll at work.

My wife didn’t know what it was like. I had to wake up in the morning while she stayed in bed. I had to make my own breakfast and drive to work. I’d send her a message when I was at work, and often she wouldn’t read it for 30 minutes to an hour because she’d still be asleep. When she’d finally wake up, she’d message me telling me to have a good day, and then she would just exist for the rest of the day living in her house without any purpose, without any stress or worry.

I started to resent her a little bit because of that. But I was still madly in love with her. And I was prepared to accept what I was doing even though I hated it; I was doing it for her to make her happy. Making her happy was what life became about. There was nothing else I wanted to do.

When I’d drive home in the evening, she’d be sitting watching the TV, couldn’t even bother to get dressed still wearing her sleeping clothes. And sometimes she would cook, but sometimes I found that I would have to cook. I liked to cook, but it would have been nice if she understood that I was working all day. But she didn’t seem to think about it.

Laid Off

Two months after this, I had a problem. I was let go unexpectedly from work. I got a little bit of money for severance, but that was only enough to see us for 2 months. And now we had a house. I knew I could find another job, but could I find one within distance of where we lived? The worries I had had just come true. What I told her could happen did happen. But when I told her at the time that this could happen, she just brushed it off. Didn’t even think about it as being a problem. But now it had happened. She seemed to be upset. But it wasn’t her who needed to solve this problem. She didn’t need to sort it out.

I was offered another job about 3 weeks after this, but the salary was less than I was being paid, about 10% less. But I had to take it. We needed the money. I put what money I had into the deposit for the house and things we needed for the house and car. I didn’t have any emergency funds. My emergency fund was my house in England, which the tenants were still paying off. But I wasn’t meant to need that until I retired.

The job was too far away to be able to live in the house. I had to rent a very small room close to the school. I told my wife we can live here in the week, and at the weekends we can go to our house. It was only about £100 a month this room. It had to be cheap because not only was I being paid less money, I still had all the same obligations as I had before.

My wife said that that was okay. But after 2 weeks of her staying in the room with me, she said she’d just stay at our house and I could see her at the weekends. That felt like betrayal.

The Argument

I told her I wasn’t happy with that. And I told her, “Basically, what you’re saying is I have to live in this awful room by myself. I have to wake up really early to go to work. I have to work as hard as I can and then have to return to the same room by myself. And to save money, I have to go out and buy cheap street food. And I don’t have any money for entertainment or anything else. And I’m doing that. And at the same time, I’m paying for the mortgage for your house which is a lot nicer than this room and you’re living in it. Is that acceptable?”

That was the first time we really did argue. And she said that she would compromise. She spent a lot of time with me, but sometimes she might want a bit of time in the house by herself. That’s the arrangement we had.

She seemed to change then not in a bad way. She actually became more loving and more affectionate. I think she could see what I was doing, and I really appreciated that she seemed to be trying harder. It made me fall in love with her all over again. And I was grateful that she was playing the part of a wife and supporting me in my job of making sure we had enough money to pay for things.

I was struggling through. It was so boring not being able to do anything in the evenings. The place where I lived was awful, but it was within walking distance of the school. My wife was trying so hard. She could see I was still struggling.

The Tempting Proposal to Sell My House

And it was around this time when we were at her house at the weekend once that she said she had a great idea. She knew I had a house in England. She said, “Why don’t we sell that? We can then pay off the mortgage on our house in Thailand, and that would mean that we had money to spend every month.” The mortgage payment now was close to 40% of what I was earning.

When she said that, I just thought, “No way. I’m not doing that.” But as the weeks went by and I’m really struggling to stay positive, when she mentioned it again, I did start to consider it. Thinking about not having to pay the mortgage all of a sudden, I’d be able to live again. I could rent a slightly bigger place. I could go out in the evenings and enjoy myself again.

I gave it some long and hard thought. But on a particularly hard day, when I got back to the room I was living in around 4:30, and the guy who’s living in the room below starts cooking on the balcony of his room. There are no cooking facilities, nothing to take away the smell, and he’s just using one of those portable hobs on the balcony. And the smell of cooking oil which smelt like it had been used a lot more than once was enough to drive me insane.

Selling the House in England

So I called my wife and told her, “I think it’s a good idea. Let’s do that.” First things first, I needed to give notice to the people living in my house, and I would need to make sure that I had enough money to cover the mortgage payments for the house while it was for sale. It was a bit of a juggling act. But 6 months later, my solicitor transferred the proceeds from the sale to my bank account in Thailand.

I can remember when it arrived. I took a few days off work and just tried to reset. We went to Hua Hin to try to completely turn off, and we had three great days there. We didn’t spend a lot of money. We just stayed in a normal hotel eating normal Thai street food. But to be able to have a change of scenery and to plan exactly what we were going to do without all the stress and worry of not earning enough money, living somewhere I didn’t want to live, and having a house that was too far away for the daily commute that was all forgotten about.

We decided to pay off the mortgage that we had in Thailand. That used up about 70% of the money that I got from the proceeds of my house in England. Immediately it made a huge difference. That 40% of my salary was now available to me.

I should have thought about what I was doing. I was still planning to retire in a few years’ time. But all I had now was a house in my wife’s name and the remainder of the money from the house. It wasn’t a lot. But I didn’t really think about it because I had my time back to enjoy myself. I rented a more suitable condo close to the school where I worked, and that made a big difference. My wife was more than happy to stay with me now, which was good. In the evenings, I got back into the routine of just going out and having something to eat and living the Thailand life that I’d enjoyed so much before.

Doubts Creep In

When I got back into living like this, I did start to feel like maybe I’d made a mistake. The mortgage for the house in England would have been paid off in approximately six or seven years’ time, and then I could have got a basic income just by renting it out. Now, what was I going to do for retirement?

I talked to my wife about this, and she just said, “Don’t worry, we’ll think of something.” Anything that involved thinking about the future, she wasn’t interested in. She was only interested in now. One of the problems though that I’m now facing is that even though I don’t have the mortgage to pay for the house, I am slowly eating into the remainder of the money.

I think it would be best to invest this into something. I wondered if it would be enough to buy a cheap condo, but it wasn’t. And my wife had an idea which sounded great. Why don’t we rent out the house that we have in Rangsit and then use that money to buy another house with a mortgage? And the rent that we get from that house in Rangsit could pay for the mortgage on the new house. That way, when time comes for me to retire, we should have two houses one that we live in and one we rent out. It wasn’t going to give us a full living renting out a house, but it would be enough to cover the absolute basics.

It did sound a bit risky, but I’d seen in England just how well it worked when my mortgage was being paid off by the people who rented the house. If we did that in Thailand, maybe that would be my answer to a good retirement.

Buying More Houses

We would need to live in this house. And again, I said, “Why don’t we buy a condo instead?” But she said, “We could probably get more money for a house.” The problem was the school that I worked at was quite central. It would not be possible for us to get a house an acceptable distance away. And then she said, “Well, that doesn’t matter. We could buy another house and rent that one out as well. Then we can pay the mortgage off with the house we’ve got even quicker.”

That was like a light bulb moment. Why hadn’t I thought of that? That seemed to make perfect sense. I would still need to rent, but I wouldn’t be out of pocket because of it. So after a few weeks of careful thinking, I agreed that it would be the best idea for us to buy another house. I didn’t want to use all the money for a deposit, but I used approximately 80% of what I had left as a down payment on a house very close to the one we had.

Biggest mistake I ever made.

Maybe we should have tried to rent out the first house before we bought the second. I didn’t think to do that, and my wife never mentioned it. But when we contacted some agents and the house was listed for rent, we had no inquiries. None. We put the price down and still none. We put the price down again, and there were still no inquiries. We’d just taken possession of another house which had a big mortgage payment, and we weren’t finding anyone to rent the first house. It was put on at an acceptable price, but no one’s biting. Then we put the other one for rent, and no one is renting that either.

Finding Tenants for Two Houses

That’s when I started to completely freak out. The emergency bit of money that I had would run out very soon. Somehow over the next month though, we did manage to find tenants for both houses. Whether it was just extremely fortunate or extremely fortunate times two, that was a lifesaver. We weren’t renting them out for what we expected to get though. That was a problem. It wasn’t even close. When they were both rented out, it just about paid for the new mortgage we had. We just hoped the people would remain in.

A month later, I was offered another job completely out of nowhere, and it was paid very well. It would be a 40% increase. That would be enough for me to make extra payments towards the mortgage. And if I really saved, we could get it paid off in two years. 2 and a half years later, it was paid off. And now we had two houses that we owned outright. Should I say my wife had two houses that she owned outright? That would be more accurate.

They were both getting 14,000 baht a month in rent. We were expecting them to get closer to 25. But it was something. If we left one for rent, we would still have enough to pay electric, internet, water, common fees for the development, petrol for the car, and a bit extra. We would need more than double that in retirement, but I was emboldened by the fact I was earning better money, and we decided to buy another.

My dreams of retiring 5 years after arriving in Thailand didn’t come true. Over the course of the next 3 years, we fully paid off the mortgage on a third house. I worked for another year saving money, and then I retired.

Retirement Not What I Expected

My dream to retire came true. I wasn’t going to have a lot of money to spend in retirement, but I thought I’d have enough to be able to live with my wife, and I thought that was good enough. Her children had left home by now, therefore, we didn’t need to support them anymore. And we moved into one of the houses after giving up the place I rented in the city, and we rented out the other two. It was hard to find people to rent them.

With what I had managed to save, we were able to spend 30,000 baht a month. Not a lot of money, but that’s just what it was. Part of me was happy that I was retired. But after only two months of living that existence, I quickly realized that while we could live on that amount of money that we had coming in, it was no way to live. And because I wasn’t working, I had my whole days available and not enough money to be able to do anything that I wanted to do. I thought I would be okay because I was retired and I didn’t have to do anything. But there were things I did want to do, and I couldn’t do them.

Then a month later, somebody moved out of one of the houses that we had been renting out. We can’t find anybody else. Then people moved out of the other house. We’ve now got two empty houses, and no matter what we’re doing, we can’t find anybody to rent them. It is very hit or miss in Thailand. If you are buying, make sure you know what you’re doing. I trusted my wife because she was Thai, and I thought she said it was a good area.

Now my savings are dwindling too fast, and we keep dropping the price. We dropped the price for both houses to 10,000 baht before we had people looking. But that was such a small return on the amount that we put into them. Even if we rented both out, that would only be 20,000 a month. And we had 1,000 baht a month for each to pay for the community charge in the development. So we’d only be left with 18,000.

This is when my world started to crumble.

She Turns on Me

I’m starting to get upset about things and panicking, and my wife is starting to get angry with me. “You should not have left work,” she kept telling me. “Why did you think you could retire?” I couldn’t believe she was saying that. I was already in my 60s. I’d worked my whole life, and all I had to show for it were three houses in Rangsit on the outskirts of Bangkok that were in my Thai wife‘s name.

She started getting angry more and more. “You need to go back to work. Go and find another job.” I was furious when she told me that. I’d waited my whole life to be able to retire. I didn’t want to get back into that grind. When I said, “Why don’t you get a job?” She said, “Okay, I go back working bar.” Never mind the fact she was already in her 40s. But saying that felt like a huge betrayal.

Trying to Sell a House

I kept trying to tell her that we have three houses and they belong to you. Why don’t we sell one of them? She didn’t like the sound of that, but the writing was on the wall. If we didn’t sell one of the houses, we wouldn’t be able to survive. We paid about 3 million for each of the houses, so we listed one for sale at the same price. 6 months goes by and nobody’s interested. My savings are going down and down, so we have to reduce the price. First to 2.8 million, then to 2.6, and still nobody’s looking.

Then COVID hit. It was going to be very difficult to sell a house now. And at this point, because no one’s rented one, we found ourselves living in different houses. She wasn’t the same anymore. As soon as there were money problems as soon as I wasn’t able to provide in the way she thought I should she changed considerably and overnight.

But we did have three houses a total of 9 million baht of assets. At that moment, if I could have taken five for the lot and run, I would have done. But they weren’t mine, and there was so much uncertainty because of COVID. I was panicking, shaking when I thought about what had happened. By this point, most of the savings that I had had gone completely.

I suggested we do a fire sale on one of the houses. If we put it down to something ridiculous like 2 million somebody’s surely going to buy it then. But she said there was no way she was going to do that. I told her that’s our only option, but she wasn’t hearing it. She didn’t want to know.

I remember having that conversation, and then I stormed out of the house and walked down to the street to the other one. There should have been a tenant in it, but there wasn’t. I can remember thinking if something doesn’t happen soon, my whole world is going to collapse.

The Betrayal

I couldn’t believe what I saw the following morning when I went back to the house where she was. I couldn’t sleep all night, so I went around around 5:00 a.m. I was never up that early and I saw a motorbike parked outside. I went in, and there was a guy who looked like he was just about to leave, with a look on my wife’s face like, “What are you doing here so early?”

She started cheating on me as soon as we had money problems. “I told you I would do this,” she said. “You should have gone to get another job. What do you want me to do? I need money to live.” In all the time I spent with her, I’d never heard “I, I, I.” It was always “we, we, we” or “us.” And she looked proud on her face that I’d caught her. Like this is what you get when you do wrong by me.

I just stood there in amazement. I was panicking about the financial situation and COVID happened, and we couldn’t find anyone to rent the two houses, and we couldn’t sell them. I wanted to reduce the price of one dramatically, but she just refused.

When that guy left, I tried talking to her. She wasn’t crying or upset or apologetic. She was just laughing and giddy. “You think I only do one time?” she said to me. “I do like this because you do not good to me.” I shouted at her at the top of my voice. “I bought you three houses. You’re my wife, and I’ve taken care of you ever since we met. What more could I have done?”

Then she started talking about how I should look for another job or I should never have given up on the job in the first place. And it was the way that she was showing off that she cheated on me. She said she liked that guy and he was better than me. She then told me to get out. She didn’t want to speak to me then.

I had no choice but to walk back to the other house completely broken and with no idea what to do.

The Final Realization

When I got back to the house where I had to live and the realization I had about £2,000 to my name that’s when it really hits home. I had the perfect wife until she decided she didn’t want to play that part anymore. Was she always like that? Was she playing the part of a perfect wife for years and years just because there was money coming in? I don’t know. But I knew that I would need to go and talk to her and decide what to do.

I went back half an hour later and I said, “Can we try to work things out?” As much as I hated her in the moment, I did understand that everything I had and my life was based on trying to get her to come around. But she just said, “You no money. Why I stay with you?” “Have you always felt like that?” I asked her. And she said, “Why you think I stay with you? Why you think I do nice to you? Because you have money to share with me. Now you no money. So why I nice to you?”

I thought about getting another job, but schools were not hiring at the moment. Could I teach online? All these thoughts came up, but I decided I wasn’t able to work. I was too mentally exhausted, and she’d hurt me more than I’d ever been hurt.

She said, “You go home. We not stay together anymore.” “What about the houses?” “They’re mine,” she said. “They’re in my name.” I told her that we’re married, and even though they’re in her name, if we went to court, she would be forced to sell them and give me half. She looked at me and she laughed. “What money you pay for lawyer?” she said.

That was when I realized that I really didn’t have a leg to stand on. I didn’t have enough money to take her to court, and I didn’t even have enough money to do pretty much anything. I’d worked for years in Thailand, dreaming of retirement, and now my retirement was non-existent.

Trying to Save My Retirement

I tried over the next few weeks to get her to see sense, saying if we sold one of the houses, we’d have enough money. But she wasn’t prepared to drop the price low enough to get someone to buy it quickly. I would have taken 50% of the money for one of the houses if I could have, but it was up to her, and she wasn’t having it.

Not only that, I went around to the house once at a normal time during the day, and that guy was there again. He left when I arrived, and my wife just looked at me smiling. “He better than you?” she said. “I think better you leave,” she said. I begged her to change her mind, but it just wasn’t happening, and I knew I had to leave.

I packed my things into a bag all the little things I could carry and I got a taxi to a hotel in downtown Bangkok. I still clung to the hope that she would call me, saying she was sorry and telling me to go back home. We can sell one of the houses for a fire sale. But she didn’t.

And realizing that all I had left was enough for a plane ticket and that the plane tickets were more expensive now because of what was going on that was all I was able to do. All I could do was fly back home completely defeated and with nothing left. I’d lost everything.

I did think that when I got back and things started to improve for me, I would then get in touch with a lawyer and take my wife to court. She couldn’t divorce me without me being there. And that was my plan.

Back to England With Nothing

I flew back to England a few days later. I was in tears. I was a shadow of my former self, devastated that I’d allowed this to happen. I didn’t even have anywhere to live when I got back. But I had to borrow some money from a friend £2,000 and I bought a really old camper van and lived in that. Luckily, in England, you can claim benefits although technically you’re not meant to if you’ve been abroad but they didn’t know, and I had no choice. And it was 6 months before I was living in an actual house.

I then reached out to a lawyer in Thailand, telling them what had happened and about my predicament. He said he’d look into it, and I gave him my wife’s number and told him that she owns these three houses that I bought and we’re legally married and I’ve got proof of me spending money on things. I wanted to get a divorce, and I wanted the houses sold, and I wanted half.

I left it with him, and he got back in touch with me a week later. The news wasn’t good. He told me that my wife had already transferred ownership of the properties to her children. He said I could still take her to court, but it’s going to be a huge battle. It could take years and years and even longer because of the current situation. And the chances are you’re probably not going to get anything.

I could see the lawyer felt sorry for me. He told me not to worry about it, and he even told me not to send his fee that I’d agreed to pay for the work. That was the first time I had ever seen anybody in Thailand do anything like that. I must have really been in a bad state.

I never did get anything.

A Final Warning

When I realized just how far I’d fallen, I look back at all those years of hard work and effort and realize that they were all for nothing. For absolutely nothing. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

Don’t be like me and think you know best. You don’t.

I most definitely didn’t.