How a Thai Marriage Betrayal Cost Me 500000 Baht and a Pattaya Condo

I bet you’re going to think I’m just another idiot who lost all his money in Thailand. But I don’t see it that way. For a start, I didn’t lose all my money in Thailand. Although I could have done, but everything I did, I did because I thought I was in a loving relationship. It pains me to look back at that moment in my life because I was going into things with one belief and what I thought was happening actually wasn’t.

I bet many guys know the feeling. You finally start to feel happy. Finally start to feel like you’re moving in the right direction. Finally feel like you’ve met someone who loves and appreciates you for you. And we take all these feelings and add them together. It’s only then that we start to commit to do things that under normal circumstances we would never do.

I’ve listened to lots of stories, and it’s amazing how I feel what’s being told in them so accurately reflects my own feelings. It’s as though there’s a place in Thailand where these girls go to learn exactly how to behave around people like me. A school that teaches them the tricks of the trade, where they enter one day really sweet and innocent girls and leave a few weeks later calculating and ruthless.

Perhaps the school of life makes them this way. Perhaps it’s endless greed. Or perhaps they don’t understand that the people like me that they’re using and manipulating are actual real people with real feelings. Perhaps we’re not seen like that, and we’re just seen as a means to an end. The problem I have with that is that I wanted there to be an end, a point where the relationship solidifies and we start a wonderful chapter of both our lives. Yet their end appears to be different. Whereas it was my hope that our end would benefit both of us, their end benefits them and them alone and their family. So I think that’s very important to say.

The Things I Didn’t Do

There are a few things that I would like to say that I didn’t do because I was being careful. The first thing I didn’t do was build a house where she came from. It was talked about, and when it was talked about, if I’d had the money to build a house, I probably would have done, but I didn’t at the time. She didn’t know I didn’t. But I didn’t build a house. I will let you know the whole situation around that. And when it was apparent that building a house would be in both our interests, she behaved in such a way that if I had the money, I wouldn’t have been able to control myself. That’s scary, and I’ll get to that later.

I did meet her in a bar, but she wasn’t too young. I’d read so much and heard too much about guys getting into relationships with girls in their 20s, and that was way too young as far as I was concerned because I was already in my 50s, 50, when I first went to Thailand. So, no, I didn’t mean to go too young. She had kids, but who doesn’t have kids? And I tried to be on the lookout for any warning signs and red flags that could tell me if she had any sinister motives.

I also didn’t buy her or build her a house anywhere in Thailand. And the reason I’m telling you this is that I thought I was being careful. I didn’t do anything that I thought would give her any ammunition to do anything other than love and respect me. Yet, you can plot and plan and work out exactly what you think is the best way to go about the relationship. You can put all the time and energy into thinking what to do and how to protect yourself. Yet, regardless of that, things can turn out so badly.

The Purpose of Sharing

The problem when I’m writing this is that I want to describe my first time in Thailand what it was like for me and how I felt and how it changed my life forever. Yet, most guys, when I’m reading and listening to stories, they sound quite similar. So, I’m writing this now giving you an honest opinion of my first impression of Thailand and why I did what I did. Or do I just skip that bit because you’ve heard it before?

It’s best to tell the whole story even if it’s similar to other guys’ stories because it adds more weight to the argument about things not to do in Thailand. Even if I’m saying the same things as everyone else, it doesn’t really matter if it’s going to help someone. That’s all that matters. Of course, I am doing this anonymously, but it is with my mind firmly focused on the truth that I have the bravery to tell you what happened to me.

To anyone else who has been through something like this in Thailand, I urge you to share your story as well. Ignore all the negative comments. I tend to feel like these comments are given in good faith by guys who already get it. I didn’t get it then. I never did. And it’s by going through an experience like this that you can finally understand that not only relationships in Thailand can cause you an awful amount of stress, worry, and financial hardship. This can happen all over the world. So, I welcome all comments regardless of what they are.

I think it was important to get that out of the way because I’m a changed man. My life now is paid for by myself. I do what I want when I want, but it took me over 50 years to understand the truth. So that’s what I wanted to say. Or perhaps I’m not a changed man. Perhaps I’m just trying to protect myself from any negativity before that negativity has even been directed at me. I don’t know what I am, but I’m not the same as I used to be. And it’s all thanks to her.

The Divorce That Started It All

I got married very young 22, and she was 22, both from England. And she was my childhood love. I thought things would last forever. We had three wonderful children. I worked and I worked some more as hard as I could to provide for my family. I think that’s what girls don’t get. My ex wife is the perfect example. Did she really think I wanted to go and work every single day, day in and day out? Granted, you had the weekend off, but I’m working and working and working, and most of the money that I earn goes to provide a life for her and my children. I get that. That’s how it should be.

Yet 28 years after marriage, after having never worked a day in her life, she decides she wants to do something else. She wants a divorce, and I have no choice or say. There are going to be those people saying, “She gave you 28 years of her life, so she’s entitled to half of your things.” But I gave her 28 years of my life, and I worked doing something I didn’t want to do to pay for her. At least she could just be a lady of leisure during those 28 years.

I hate the system. I mean, I really hate it. I do not agree with the notion that just because you’re married to someone, they can out of the blue, with no reason, get a divorce from you and take more than half of everything that you have worked for. In what world does that make sense? If there was anything bad going on if I was going out and drinking and cheating on her, or if I was hitting her of course. But just because she didn’t feel like living with me anymore, that’s just not right. 28 years of working, saving as hard as I could for our future, and she decides she’s had enough.

No-fault divorce should be illegal, yet the one instigating it shouldn’t get anything. If I wanted a divorce after 28 years of marriage for no reason, then of course she should get something. But she should not get anything just because she decides she doesn’t want to stay with me anymore. It’s sick.

And it’s because of things like this that you start diving down a different pathway towards a more enlightened part of the world where you think you’re going to be more respected and wanted. I’m not saying that I expected to go to Thailand and things would just be easier, but I expected something else completely.

A Bleak View of the Future

I honestly think in maybe another 20 years’ time, when robot technology gets to such a level programmable, that lots of guys are going to find relationships with robots. Why? Because it gives us everything we want, yet we would have the knowledge and comfort that that could never backfire on us. I can also see many guys going into things with written contracts, legal obligations, going a lot further than a prenuptial agreement. I say this because guys who want to do lots of things in their life a stable relationship is key for us to be able to succeed in other areas of our life. Without a stable relationship, with all the worry and heartache and demands, we’re not able to concentrate on what we want to concentrate on because she’s causing us stress.

I need to be perfectly clear that I’m not talking about girls who work themselves and provide for the relationship, which is very common in the world now. I’m talking about girls who do not want to work. These are the girls who are the most vicious of them all. And the idea, at least I thought, of finding a girl who didn’t work is because once she was with me, that was that. Then I can concentrate on other things, knowing that she’s just happy to not have to work. Call me naive. Go for it.

Anyway, enough of my opinions. I don’t think anyone cares about that. So, let’s get into why I went to Thailand. It was because of the divorce. That’s why I went. I was 50 years old, and the only thing I can say is thank God my children were already of an age where they no longer lived with me or my ex. I really feel for the guys who get things done to them like this when their children are still young. I feel for you, mate.

I had a friend of mine who is no longer with us because something like that happened. He was crushed, completely ruined. So, in a way, I would like to dedicate this to him.

The Positive Only Trap

I did fly to Thailand, thinking that perhaps I could find what I thought I already had before it all went away. A relationship with someone who would just appreciate the little things in life, appreciate me for me, and just be there to add to my life as opposed to take away from it. I’ve heard lots of stories about Thailand, but I was one of those guys and you see them all the time, especially on YouTube talking about positive only, positive only vibes. Anytime someone would post a negative comment on one of their videos, they were ostracized. How dare you shatter the illusion? How dare you talk like that? So, I was one of those guys who hated anything negative. I didn’t read anything negative with open eyes. I didn’t watch anything negative with open eyes. Everything had to be positive.

I would honestly say don’t be like that. I think you need a balanced approach positive and negative because not everything can be good. I did see and read negative things, but I thought it was the guy who was the problem. Again, don’t be like that.

It was 2022, just after COVID, when I went to Thailand. Getting a divorce during COVID was very annoying, but it was what it was. There were guys making videos throughout COVID that really helped me, and I knew as soon as the country opened, that’s the first place I would go.

My finances those are quite important to talk about. I had about £100,000, and our house, the one I shared with my ex wife was for sale, and I would get some money when it was sold. Where we lived wasn’t a very popular part of the country. Think extremely rural, no jobs close by, but it was a very nice, beautiful part of the country. I was prepared to drive one and a half to two hours a day to work, and I worked a job for one of the only employers in the area, so the house wasn’t going to sell as quickly as some others would. But that didn’t matter.

As soon as the house did sell, I should be retired permanently. And the £100,000 should be enough to last me for a long time until that happened. Full disclosure, when the house sold, I should have got about £300,000 more. Of course, my ex would have got the same. Somehow, she ended up with £150,000 while I only had £100,000. Should have been the other way around, or she shouldn’t have got anything, but never mind.

First Impressions Bangkok and Pattaya

So, I touched down in Thailand, excited, adrenaline pumping, ready for this new chapter. When I told my children I was going to Thailand my two sons, who had seen what their mom had done told me to go for it, but be careful and enjoy myself. My daughter looked at me as if I was the problem. I’m very proud of my children, but my sons are really succeeding in life. They went into business together, and they understood perfectly that if they wanted to succeed on their own terms, a relationship could get in the way of that. So, they do what they want when they want.

Why am I talking about that again? I should be talking about Thailand. I’d already got myself a Non-O visa so I could fly to Thailand one way. Although I’d never been before, it was my intention to stay maybe look at some other countries as well. Take things as they come. But I was retired and ready to start thinking about myself for a change.

Bangkok. I didn’t really like it when I was there. It didn’t do anything for me. I stayed in a hotel in Nana. And on that first day, I’m walking around and going into some of the bars, and I did like them, but I didn’t like how busy it was. It didn’t feel like how I expected Thailand to feel. It sort of felt like it was fake manufactured somehow and that was a bit disappointing. I did look around quite a lot of the city over the course of 3 or 4 days. And while I did like some places, some were better than others. Yeah, I just found that Bangkok was a bit of a letdown. I did like a small wooden bar that was overlooking the river that was fun to have a beer there. But the main tourist expat area definitely not for me.

I wasn’t in Thailand for Bangkok. Let’s be perfectly honest. I was there for Pattaya. So after 4 days in Bangkok, I went there. I got a bus from the station in Ekkamai, and I wouldn’t do that again. Getting a taxi is probably the best way because it’s not that far and not too expensive. It’ll save you an hour as well. But as soon as I got to Pattaya, you get out of the bus and jump on one of the baht buses. It was a very weird experience, that was. I’ve seen it so many times in guys’ videos doing the same thing. So it kind of felt like I’d already done it before, even though I hadn’t.

This was the positive only crowd that I was watching at the time, and from everything that they said, it would appear Thailand was some kind of magical fairy tale land where nothing went wrong. But I got out on Beach Road, which was close to my hotel, and I walked the distance to get to it. Almost immediately, I preferred Pattaya to Bangkok. It just had a better feeling. It wasn’t as busy yet. It was busy, but it was nice to see everything that was around the beach. A lot more bars all concentrated around quite a big area. The bar scene around Nana in Bangkok, for example, you could probably go into every bar over the course of 2 or 3 days. And in Pattaya, you probably needed 2 or 3 months to go everywhere. So, I liked the sound of that.

The Ugly Truth About Money

I knew what it was about the bars, but as I’ve already said and I need to stress again as a huge amount of importance I was watching guys who refuse to share anything negative. There were quite a lot of them. So although you know what goes on and you know what the scams are and guys who lose their money, you usually think that it’s because of themselves because they did something wrong or they found themselves in the wrong position not because they were manipulated or coerced by incredibly greedy people.

You don’t see greed like that at home. By home, I mean England. While there are people like that in Thailand, it’s a whole different level of abhorrent greed. Sick greed, I would even go as far to say. The almighty baht, you will come to learn, is the most important thing in their lives. And when you start to understand that, it really does ruin the romantic vision you had about Thailand.

The vision I had of Thailand was while having money to support themselves is important. People, service, kindness that’s how I expected things to be. By being kind, offering a great service, putting people first, and then in turn they can have some money. But no, it does not work like that. Money comes first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth. As soon as you understand that, you can probably start to enjoy yourself in Pattaya. If you don’t understand that, you have no business being there. I didn’t yet understand that. So, I guess I didn’t have any business being there.

Be careful. Be careful. Be careful. I’ve said that three times. There’s a facade of positivity, and you need to know exactly what it looks like.

Anyway, at the time, as soon as I got to Pattaya, I felt like I was where I wanted to be. That’s no hint of a lie. It was everything that I thought it would be. But please understand that how I am picturing Pattaya at this moment of my life is nothing like how I picture it today. I understand things now, but before I didn’t. I think that’s also important to say because I was running before I could walk.

Buying a Condo A Rash Decision

I’d been in Pattaya for only a month. I was enjoying myself tremendously, hoping that I might find myself the perfect partner. After a month, I did something very silly. I was staying in a hotel, but I knew I wanted to be there forever. That’s where I wanted to live. I didn’t want to go anywhere else. So, I transferred in £70,000 and bought a condo in Pattaya after only being there for a month.

My house sale hadn’t yet gone through, but I wasn’t concerned about that. I still had enough money to see me until the house sale did complete. But my idea behind buying a condo was to get a place that I wanted. I could have rented somewhere for a little bit of money, but I wanted somewhere that was a bit more than a shoebox, and to rent what I wanted would have been £500 a month. Yet, I could buy one like I wanted in a slightly older building, and I could have a really big one bedroom unit. And I was able to do a bit of a modification to get an office in there as well. So, that’s why I did that.

I wouldn’t advise anyone doing something like that unless you spent quite a few years there. But I did it. An English person’s mentality of ownership, I guess.

Meeting Her

I’d met lots of girls, lots of them. But when I met the girl who I thought would be the one, the one I would spend the rest of my life with I moved very quickly. She worked in a bar just off Soi Buakhao. She was 33 when we met, and I was 50. And while I understand that a 17 year age gap is quite a lot, I don’t believe that this age gap in this case mattered.

Let me explain. I’ve read lots of stories and listened to lots of stories and watched lots of stories. A guy in his 50s with a girl in her 20s or late 20s, for example yeah, I get that. That is a big age gap. But I personally feel and correct me if you disagree or say what you want but I personally feel as soon as a girl hits 30, for every year she ages, that’s the equivalent to three or four years for a guy. Women tend to age more when they get to a certain age. So, someone of 33 and a guy who’s 50 that would be more accurate. Be like saying someone who’s 40 and someone who’s 50. That’s just my personal take. That’s how I saw things.

And of course, a girl who’s 23 and a guy who’s 55 that’s not right. That’s too big. But if a girl is in her 30s already, I honestly believe that for one year of her life aging wise is the equivalent of three or four for a guy. So, that’s what I’m trying to say. So I would justify what I was doing as being within the realms of normality.

But to say I fell in love with her wouldn’t be accurately reflecting exactly how I felt when I met her. It was like “Where have you been all my life?” She had her own children, as you’d expect as is the case with most of the girls that work somewhere like that. They’ve all got children, and their children are 99 times out of 100 being looked after in the village by their grandparents. I found this out during my time in Pattaya, but I have since learned it’s not just girls that work in the bars that do this. Lots of people from that part of Thailand will have their children with the grandparents regardless of what job they’re working. So, it’s not like it’s a phenomenon just for girls that work in the bars. It’s not. It’s pretty much universal people working jobs that can’t afford to have their children with them. That’s a lot of people.

The Relationship Takes Hold

But she had two children. One was 17 and the other was 9. I know what you’re doing right now. You’re doing the maths, aren’t you? I did that as well. But I wasn’t the guy to look at someone for something they did many years ago and think that’s the defining moment of their life.

But this girl I met things went quick. They went fast. And I did fall in love with her. I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything. And I’m trying to think how I can describe her without saying that she was different. But to me, she was a real stunner. She had a few tattoos, and I always liked girls with tattoos, even though I didn’t have any of my own. She had a few piercings, but attractively so at least I thought. She could hold her drink, which I like to do as well. I always liked a good drink. But most of all, she was up for a laugh. She spoke better English than most of the other girls I’d met, and she was always smiling and laughing and joking with me or with her friends. She always lit up the room. When you weren’t into it, she’d be the one who would start a conversation when a group of people didn’t know what to talk about. She was just everything I’d always wanted my ex wife to be.

So, after being in Pattaya for 3 months at this point, I’d already bought a condo and I’d found a girl who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. She quickly moved into my condo. She liked it, she said. I mean, it was a good condo. One thing I did do, though I didn’t tell her it was mine. I told her I rented it. She never knew that it belonged to me. And I just thought that was common sense. It wasn’t to do with the fact I didn’t love her. I mean, I really did love her. I need to stress that she was and became my world very quickly. But I didn’t tell her I owned the condo. That was what everyone should do in a situation like that.

As soon as she moved in, it felt amazing to be there with her. We’d wake really late, sit around watching TV for a bit, go out for a very late breakfast stroke lunch at around 5:00 p.m., go back for a swim in the pool, and then go out in the evenings, getting back late. It was a great time for me. Always having a good time, always happy with her, and I was getting very serious with her. So, there’s nothing I would rather have been doing. There was nowhere I would rather have been than in Pattaya.

I can tell you one thing. After a month of living like that, you do start to feel like I don’t know if I want to go out every night, actually. And then after another month of being together, you’re going out a lot less. And when you do go out, you start to look around Pattaya and feel like this isn’t the place that you actually want to live if you’re in a relationship. I know there is a lot of talk about Pattaya at the moment and how it’s changing and there are different people going. I was starting to notice this, and I was starting to feel like perhaps Pattaya and being in a relationship simply don’t go together. But I’m not thinking too much at this point. I always thought if I ever moved, I’d have a great rental unit.

The Village and the Wedding

She’d probably been living with me for around 4 months when I asked her to marry me. That might sound like it’s too soon, but I really did love her. It was like she had me under a spell, and all I wanted to do was be with her. But she did agree that we could get married. And because of that, we needed to go up to her village.

We went up to her village sometime in 2022, maybe halfway through, something like that and we met the family. I’d never seen that part of Thailand before. And I never knew what it was like. And it is shocking to see how different it is to Pattaya. But then you start to understand that what I’m seeing now as opposed to Pattaya this is the real Thailand. Pattaya, you start to understand, is simply manufactured for the purpose of why I was there. And that really does shatter the illusion a bit. It’s as if that’s not how it should be.

I thought Pattaya was meant to be an integral, important part of the country. But when you start to understand that it’s not in the sense that the vast majority of Thailand looks nothing like that you start to feel like it’s a bit two faced. But you’re having these feelings while at the same time you’re so happy to be there with this amazing girl, and there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. But if you’re planning on coming to Thailand you’ve heard the stories, you really love Pattaya understand that your feelings about the place will change the longer you stay there. And the more and more things you do and other parts of Thailand you go to, you’ll understand that Pattaya is not real.

She was from Sisaket. We speak to the family more accurately, she speaks to the family and translates what they’re saying. I didn’t speak Thai. The thing is, I didn’t want to speak Thai. I had no interest in speaking the language because that would make it real in a way. Thailand was meant to be an escape from reality. I respect the guys who learn the language, but I just wanted that separation. I wanted Thailand to be my own unique experience. So, I actively tried to not learn the language apart from a few basic words.

We all know what comes next. Talks of sin sod. It was my intention to ask, “What did her ex pay when she had children with him a long time ago?” That’s what I wanted to say. “Talk with your parents. What did he pay?” “Nothing,” she said. “We never really got serious. We never really married. He just had kids with me.” And then you try to say to her, “In what world are you living in when you think it’s acceptable for me to pay when your ex who had kids with you didn’t have to?”

Needless to say, it’s pretty obvious that I actually didn’t say that. That’s what I was thinking in my mind what I wanted to say. But when she said, “Can you give 500,000 baht?” for some reason, I said, “Yes, of course.” The reason I wanted to say that is because I’ve since met five maybe closer to 10 guys who have spoken about that very moment when they were in the village and sin sod was being discussed. Everyone doesn’t want to pay it. Everyone wants to say what they think and how they feel, but nobody does. Be the guy that does.

The Village Wedding Ceremony

We returned to Pattaya and back to the village 3 weeks later to have the ceremony. I don’t want to call it backwards because that’s just how they do things there. Yet, you will understand that people from Bangkok, for example, or any of the actual cities in Thailand they’re not really stuck in the dark ages anymore. They do things a lot closer to how we do them. Yet in the sticks out in the middle of nowhere for some reason, they don’t look at their position as being like the poorest of the poor in Thailand and think, “Hang on, maybe it’s because we do things in such a stupid way like this that’s why we’re in this position. If we try to do things like everybody else, maybe we can get a leg up and improve our lives.” But no, they’re stuck in their ways.

At the time, though, you find it sweet. It’s interesting. Almost like you want to say, “Oh, that’s so sweet. I can’t believe you still do things like this.” And you want to tell them that nicely. And then as soon as your wife says, “Let’s go to the temple,” she jumps on the front of the bike and you get on the back, and she drives to a temple not far away. When she asks you, “Did you bring any money with you?” you sort of think, “What for?” But anyway.

We get off the bike. It’s a very beautiful temple complex stunning place. I have the utmost respect for people like that. Wonderful people. But my wife starts saying something to a monk, and he stands up, and we go and sit outside on one of those concrete hexagonal tables you see all over Thailand and they’ve got those concrete stools next to them and he’s sitting on one side, and me and my wife to be are on the other. And this is when my wife tells me that the monk is going to bless us. That sounded like a nice gesture. Then she says, “Can you give him a thousand baht?”

The Temple Blessing

Any normal person would have looked at her and understood that you were not anywhere compatible with this lady. But at the time, again, you think it’s sweet and “oh, it’s a bit different” and “okay, here’s a thousand baht for the monk.” And then she took out a bit of tree bark that apparently had already been blessed by the monk. And she hands this over to the monk, and he starts doing a bit of chanting, and then he ties some string around both our wrists. He hands back this tree bark to my wife to be, and she puts it in her pocket and bows down to the monk and says, “Now we’re going to have good luck.”

Again, it’s one of those moments where you think it’s sweet instead of thinking, “What the bloody hell are you doing?” which is what you would have been thinking if it was one of your peers doing something similar. Yet, it’s their culture, their traditions, and you respect it, and you think it’s amazing that you’re allowed to be part of it. No matter how insane you think it is, you feel good to be part of it. And that’s how it was for me.

We gave the monk money, and my wife thinks the monk gave us good luck. And as sweet as that might have been at the time, I should have seen that and thought, “Getting into a relationship with this girl here when she’s doing something like that that she thinks normal, yet to me is the most backward, insane thing I’d ever seen yet I’m going on with it.” Even though I should have seen it, thinking, “If she’s doing that and thinks it’s normal, what else is she going to do and think it’s normal?”

But we did get married in the ceremony, and I gave the 500,000 baht. That was a lot of money, but I just wanted to make her happy. And what they say is true the things you will see at the village wedding, you wouldn’t expect to see things like that. But I’m the happiest I’ve been. I need to point that out. And I think she’s happy.

The Land A Narrow Escape

After the ceremony, we actually stayed in the family’s house that night. The following morning, she said she wants to show me something. So, we go back on the motorcycle and drive for 5 minutes, and she points out some land. “This is my land,” she said. “And it’s my dream to build a house on it one day. I’d love to live here with you one day,” she said. “We could have the best house ever.”

I don’t know why that sounded appealing, but in the moment it did. And luckily, though, I didn’t have any money to build the house because at that time I could have seen myself doing that. Luckily, my house sale hadn’t completed. That’s the scary thing. I probably would have said, “Let’s build a house right now.” I was so in the moment. I was so wrapped around her finger, so under her spell. I would have done anything to try to make her happy just to keep this going. No matter how insane the things are around you that you see, no matter how backwards these ideas that these people have, you find them attractive and different, and you feel lucky to have been brought into this world, and you want to make her happy. So that’s what you try to do.

I’ve learned other guys call it the Thailand fix. You’ve got this fix in the countryside. Like it’s so weird. It’s so strange, yet I’m addicted to it because it is so weird and so strange. So I said to her, “Yeah, of course we’ll build a house at some point. We can’t do it now, but maybe in a few years’ time.” And she smiled and said, “That’s my dream.” And we left back down to Pattaya.

The next thing for us to do was get married on paper. That was the thing I was looking forward to the most because I loved being married. I love being in a serious, committed relationship, and to be married to her how good would I feel? It would also give me a bigger connection to Thailand. A lot bigger connection to all these strange goings on that you get in the village. All these weird things that if you were in your right mind, you would run away from as fast as you could. Yet, you’re in some kind of trance, in some kind of fake reality where you see these weird things and think it’s sweet and interesting.

Preparing to Marry on Paper

I reached out to a company to help with the marriage. They only wanted 6,000 baht, and that would make it a lot easier. I didn’t really like the idea of having to do a lot of back and forth to make sure all the paperwork was correct.

The best thing to ever happen to me at the time was the worst thing to have happened to me because I needed to get the affirmation of freedom to marry from the embassy, and I needed my divorce certificate which I didn’t have. Didn’t think about bringing it with me. I could have had someone send it over, I suppose, but as luck would have it, I had an offer on my house of which I was going to get only half the money and I decided to go there in person and get that sorted out, and then I could come back later to marry. So, we put off the marriage on paper, and I did spend another month in Thailand waiting to get closer to the exchange date for the house.

I need to give you an accurate picture of my feelings at the time. I’m madly in love. I feel like I’m going to be with this person for the rest of my life. I’m thinking about using some of the money from the sale of the house to build a house in the village. I think she loves me a lot. She says she does. And it might have only been 4 or 5 months of being with her, but it felt like we’d been together a long time. We always talked about the future doing things that we were going to do everything. I loved her. And I need to stress that it wasn’t infatuation. It wasn’t lust. This was real love. And I did love her.

The Suspicious Words

So, it was upsetting to leave and have to go back to England. I didn’t know how long I’d be there just until things were sorted out and I got the paperwork that I needed. Then I can fly back for good. She knew I’d be coming back soon. I didn’t tell her the exact reason I was going. I still wanted to have that separation between what was mine and what wasn’t, so I was prepared to not tell her that. I didn’t tell her I was in the process of selling a house. But I left her in my condo and flew back to England.

I didn’t have anywhere to stay when I was there because my ex was still living in the house conveniently for her. So, I had to spend a bit of money on a cheap hotel, which I didn’t like to do. I always felt that the hotel prices in England were way out of reason. £130 a night for a basic room that’s not a good deal.

During this time, I’m speaking to my wife I would call her my wife because we got married in the village I’m speaking to her every day. She’s saying she misses me and can’t wait for me to come back. I’m saying the same thing. And she said, “Don’t forget to tell me when you’re coming back.” Don’t forget to tell me when you’re coming back.

I don’t know what it was when she said that. But for some reason, that didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t feel like the right thing for her to say. I just didn’t understand why she said, “Don’t forget to tell me when you’re coming back.” What difference does it make? I mean, she knew it was going to be no more than a month to 6 weeks. And I told her, “Yeah, 6 weeks. Not too long. And I’ll be back.” But it didn’t sit right with me when she said it. I mean, it really didn’t. I didn’t understand why she actually wanted to know the exact time when I was coming back literally the day before. I don’t get it.

The Decision to Return

I did try to forget about it, which I did, and I got the paper sorted that I needed. And I just played the waiting game until I got the money from my house sale. I moved out of the hotel into a friend’s house to save some money. I did give him a bit of money, but I wasn’t spending thousands of pounds on a hotel. It was weird knowing that I was probably never going to return to England. I had no intention to. I had my condo that was about £70,000, and we got a good price for the house. I was going to be getting £350,000 out of that, so that was more than enough. I will say one more time just because I’m still angry but I should have had all £700,000. But never mind.

Everything goes how it should have been. The money is in my bank, and it’s time to go back to Thailand. I did what every man should have done in that moment. No matter how much I loved her, no matter how much I wanted to be with her, it didn’t feel right when she said, “Don’t forget to tell me when you’re coming back.” It still didn’t feel right. So, I didn’t tell her when I was going back, and I flew to Thailand without letting her know.

I did tell her I had to go up north somewhere and they didn’t have good signal because I wanted to say goodbye to some friends. So, I wanted to have a reason not to speak with her for a day. But I managed to plan it well. I spoke to her just before I left for the airport. I spoke to her when we stopped in Qatar. I managed to hide where I was. And I spoke to her when I was in the hotel in Bangkok. Yet, she still thinks I’m in England. It’s not like I was 100% sure anything was going on. And part of me also wanted to surprise her and be nice and say, “Here I am. I’m not going anywhere ever again.” But I just didn’t like when she said what she said.

After a day in Bangkok, I had an appointment at the embassy to get the affirmation of freedom to marry. And as soon as I got that, I had to get it translated. And that took a while, and it was a question of then getting it legalized at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, but I couldn’t be bothered to do that. So, I’d let the agent deal with that down in Pattaya.

It was about 6:00 p.m., and I spoke to her a few hours before saying I should be back in a week’s time, something like that. And I got a taxi to Pattaya. The taxi drops me off outside my condo, and I go upstairs. I open the door and she’s there, as is someone else.

The Condo Confrontation

“You not tell me you come back,” she said. That’s the first thing she said to me. “You not tell me you come back. Why you not tell me you come back?”

My world came crashing down when I saw that. But I did have the wherewithal to say to her, “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you I was coming back.”

The guy there, he said, “Get out of my girlfriend’s condo.” I just stood still and didn’t say anything. Then he said it again with a bit more anger in his voice. “Hey, get out of my girlfriend’s condo.” I think he was from India. Again, I didn’t say anything, and I’m just looking at her. Then he starts to walk across like he wants to hit me. “Get out of my girlfriend’s condo. Last time,” he says. Then I spoke to him. “Sorry, mate. This is my condo, and that’s my wife.”

Then he stops walking. A huge shock on his face. “That’s your wife?” Then he looks at her and says, “What about all the money I’ve been sending you? I’ve been sending you money for 6 months, and you’ve got a husband?” And she’s just stood there like she would rather be somewhere else. He then looks at me and said, “This is your condo. That’s your wife.” And I said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Sorry, I didn’t know. Sorry, mate. I didn’t know.” He was really apologetic. He actually called me mate. She told me that this was her condo.

The Other Man’s Shock

He said, “How your world can come crashing down.” He didn’t want to leave because he’s talking to her like, “Give me my money back.” He spoke very good English, although I would find out he was from India. He wasn’t one of those guys who comes on group tours. He was quite a successful guy at home. But he’d met her 6 months ago and had been sending money to her, and he came back to spend more time with her. And the worst of all she took him to my condo.

He left a few minutes later, saying how sorry he was. I told him, “You’re not going to get any money back out of her. No chance.” And I think he had to resign himself to that fact.

Then I’m left alone with her in the condo. I just looked at her like, “How could you do that?” “I need money,” she said. Did she forget about the fact she had a condo to live in that she didn’t need to pay for? She could use the electric and the water and the internet without having to pay for it. Did she forget that I gave money to her when I went back to England more than enough for her to live on, and more than enough for her to send some to her family? How much does she think she needs?

One of the things that attracted me to her was that she didn’t need a lot of money. She wasn’t the sort of person who needed money. Yet, she was prepared to do that to me. Not only that, it was to that guy as well. I couldn’t believe it.

The Manipulation Pure Evil

So, always trust your instincts. That’s what I say. It didn’t sit right with me. It really didn’t sit right with me when she said, “Don’t forget to tell me when you come back.” That saved me. That did. If I hadn’t seen that, I’d have built a house and I’d have lost a lot more money.

But the problem now is the half million baht in sin sod just trying to be nice. I knew that was gone and lost, and it made me feel sick to my stomach to think that people who have no right to that kind of money had their greedy little hands all over it. I couldn’t believe that a girl could do that to someone. But then you learn it happens all the time. Even though I went to marry her in the village, she still did it. What a diabolical human being full of greed. She knew I was going to be going back. I get many guys maybe say they’re going back and they don’t, but I was in her village and I gave her half a million baht and I let her live in my condo. Granted, she didn’t know it was mine on paper. She thought I rented it. But it’s things like this that completely shatter dreams. This is the stuff of nightmares.

When that guy left, you’d have thought she’d have been a bit more respectful, taken her things, and left. But what she did what she did was just the pure act of manipulation. She went to sit down on the sofa looking a little bit upset, and she took a big breath. She smiled a bit and said, “Come and sit down next to me” in a really soothing voice. I was just playing along at this point. And I went to sit down, and then she sighed and said, “I’m so sorry. I love you so much, but I didn’t know you were going to come back, and I actually met him before I met you, and he sent me a lot of money already. So, I felt like because he sent me the money, I needed to see him one more time. That was the only last time I would ever see him. I never planned to see him again.”

That was the moment that hit me harder than anything else has ever hit me in my life. She did that so well. How she said that, how she behaved, and the way she got her point across she did it so well that I almost had to take a deep breath and snap myself out of it. Because she did it so well that I was feeling like, “Hang on, maybe what she’s saying is true. If it is true, it’s not that bad, is it really?” And I can understand why some guys might have accepted that and got on with it and still lost all their money later.

That scared me how manipulative she was. How good she was at it. But no, before I let her somehow trap me even more even after seeing all that I had to close my eyes for a second and open them and shake myself out of it and just say, “F*** off.” She didn’t try anymore. That smile she had, that look on her face everything shifted to a look of anger on her face, and she stormed out with all her stuff, and I didn’t see her again.

That manipulation is scary. If I was a weaker man and I will admit to have been extremely weak but if I was any weaker than I was, I would have found myself saying, “Oh, don’t worry about it if it was only once.” I bet a lot of guys would have done that, and I’m glad I didn’t.

Moving On

It was only one bedroom in the condo, and therefore only one bed. So, I left and checked into a hotel. I went out for a few drinks and met a girl just to take my mind off things. But the following day, I needed to think what am I going to do now? I didn’t like Pattaya anymore. It wasn’t like I wanted it to be anymore, and she’d ruined it for me. So, I went to Bangkok for a few weeks to think things through.

I decided I didn’t even want to be in Thailand. So, I put my condo up for sale, and I went for a trip to quite a few different countries. And I found myself in the Philippines where I still remain. I am in a relationship, but I’m not going to buy anything here. Not going to do anything here. I’ve got money to spend every month, and I’m not spending more than that.

I was so clear with her when I told her this. So clear. “If you ask for anything other than what you get already, the relationship will end. I don’t care if it’s only $10 to save a family member’s life you’re not asking for it, and you’re not getting it.” Now, of course, I would give her $10 to save one of her family members, but I’m just trying to tell her that you know don’t ask for any more money because you’re not getting it. The key is I like her a lot, and I get on well with her. I really do. But I don’t love her. And I think that’s the most important thing.

I lost £20,000 on the condo. I just got rid of it, wanting nothing more to do with Thailand. And I’m so happy I didn’t get married to her on paper because that would have caused a lot more issues. So happy that I didn’t. And I’ve got no intention to get married in the Philippines.

Keep your eyes open and understand what manipulation is. That’s all I would say. Don’t let anybody manipulate you to do something you don’t want to do. Even if you think by doing it you’re going to get something good in return don’t do it. If getting what you want requires you doing something you don’t want to do don’t do it. It’s as simple as that. If you follow those rules, I think you’re going to be okay.

I lost £20,000 and 500,000 baht and probably another 200,000 baht on top of that that I gave to her. I hate to think about her greedy little hands spending that money. I hate to think about how things happened. And I do come to the conclusion understanding that if you want to be okay, the only person that can make you okay is you. And that’s the truth.