Red Flags In A Farang Thai Relationship
I’ve been married and divorced two times, and now I’m retired.
I’m 65 years old and used to have a professional job.
I wanted to find someone for a serious relationship.
I tried dating websites in the UK, but it didn’t work out because most of the women were older.
Not many younger women would be interested in a 65-year-old man who doesn’t look good, is unhappy, and has a lot of problems.
Trying Out Online Dating To Meet Thai Women
So, I decided to try a Thai online dating site.
That’s where I met a woman named Noy.
She was 46 years old at the time, and we really liked each other.
The woman, Noy, was really smart.
She had her own business, her own car, and lived in a rented place in Chiang Rai.
She spoke English well and didn’t smoke, which mattered to me.
She also had a 12-year-old daughter named Kun.
Visiting My Online Girl In Thailand
In the fall of 2014, I decided to visit Thailand.
I met Noy and instantly liked her.
She was good-looking, dressed nicely, seemed smart, and looked neat.
We spent a few days at my hotel.
Then, Noy invited me to her home in Chiang Rai for a couple of days before I went back to the UK.
Getting Serious With My Girlfriend
After Noy went back home to Chiang Rai, I decided to fly there to visit her.
I stayed at her house with her smart and English-speaking daughter, Kun.
Noy’s house was nice and well-built, clean and tidy.
I met her daughter and felt warmly welcomed.
Early the next year, I went to Thailand again and spent six weeks with Noy and her daughter at their home.
This helped me get to know Noy better.
Once more, they treated me really nicely, showing me some tourist places, and I had a wonderful vacation.
Inviting My Thai Girlfriend To The UK
When I came back to the UK, I thought it would be a great idea to invite Noy and her daughter for a six-week holiday.
I thought it would be a good experience for them since they hadn’t traveled outside of Thailand before or been on an airplane.
It could be like a fun vacation and a learning opportunity, especially for Noy’s daughter.
They stayed in my house, and I covered all the costs including flights and living expenses.
For six weeks, we explored all the common tourist places.
Thai Girl Wants Me To Buy Her A House
The holiday went really well, and I got along great with Noy’s daughter.
It was sad to see them leave after such a good time.
I invited them back for another two weeks about a month later.
This time, Noy came alone because her daughter Kun had to be at school.
Everything was fine until Noy brought up the idea of me buying her a house in Thailand.
She said it would cost 3.5 million baht at that time, which was around £70,000 or about $85,000 in US dollars.
Being Smart And Not Being Scammed
I said no to buying the house because I couldn’t afford it, which seemed like a fair reason.
After thinking more, I realized two things: First, there was a chance that if I agreed, I might never see Noy again, and I might lose my 3.45 million baht.
Second, as a foreigner, I couldn’t own property in Thailand in my name.
The property had to be registered under a Thai person’s name, which meant I would lose control over it.
This risk was also too high.
This Relationship Is Becoming All About Money
Noy came up with the idea that I could live in the new house she wanted to get in Thailand.
I didn’t like this because I already owned a house in the UK, and there were family reasons for me to stay there.
Noy also suggested that we could get married, and she and her daughter could move to the UK to live with me.
This posed practical and financial issues.
First, Noy would need to quit her job since she couldn’t do it from the UK.
If she wanted to work here, she’d likely have to take a low-paying job, which wouldn’t make her happy.
Moreover, if Noy and her daughter Kun moved to the UK, Kun would need to switch to a British school.
As a foreigner, I would be the one paying for the school fees, which can be quite expensive.
This also applies to potential university or college fees down the line.
I wasn’t keen on taking on this financial responsibility, especially considering that Noy and Kun would naturally expect spending money and a yearly trip back to Thailand to visit their families, which can also add up, particularly since I was relying on a pension.
Realising The Red Flags
Lastly, I had concerns about the future.
There was no guarantee that Noy would stay with me and take care of me as I grew older or if I fell ill.
If Noy decided to leave me after a few years, for whatever reason, she could be smart enough to consult a lawyer and seek compensation.
This could include losses to her Thai business, disruption to her daughter’s education, and claims that I didn’t treat her well, among other things.
In other words, she could potentially take advantage of my situation, and at my age and with a pension, I couldn’t afford the risk of a significant emotional and financial setback.
Do I Bring My Thai Girlfriend To Live In The UK?
Overall, the risk for me in bringing Noy and her daughter to the UK was very high.
On the other hand, Noy didn’t have much risk but potentially had benefits.
As a result, our relationship slowly faded away.
Since Noy’s holiday visa hadn’t expired yet, I invited both her and her daughter back for another two-week visit to the UK.
I covered all the expenses for their visit, hoping that Noy might consider spending more future holidays with me in the UK.
My interactions with Kun went well, but Noy’s behavior was not good.
Using My Big Head And Not My Little Head
She gave me the silent treatment, didn’t want to sleep in the same bed, and was generally unpleasant.
Given that I had spent a significant amount of money to bring them both to the UK, which cost her nothing, I expected a bit more effort from her during those two weeks.
Experiencing her behavior during that time made me wonder how she would have acted in the long term.
This concern reinforced my choice of letting my rational thinking guide my emotions.
