Debunking Thai Bar Girl Myths

A lot of stories that your viewers send in are about Thai bar girls or girls that they have met while in Thailand, and my submission will be no different as it’s about just that.

However, mine is different in a way that I want to discuss some of the myths and truths out there about Thai girls that work in the bars.

I know this is a sensitive subject for some people, and there’s a lot of myths and stereotypes out there.

So, in my submission to your channel, I am going to try and separate fact from fiction and talk about the *realities* of these girls.

Whether you’re just curious, planning a trip to Thailand, or you’ve already been here and experienced the nightlife, I’m sure you can add to my list.

First off, let me talk about what I mean by ‘bar girls.’

When people hear this term, they often think of women who work in bars, clubs, or go-go bars in places like Bangkok, Pattaya, or Phuket.

These women are usually there to entertain customers, serve drinks, and sometimes, if both are interested, they might go on dates or spend time with customers outside of work.

As this is a huge trade within Thailand and one of the main reasons that people travel there, there have been many myths and stereotypes developed over the years.

So, let’s try to break some down.

Myth Number 1: All Bar Girls Are Gold Diggers and They’re Only Interested in Money

A common myth is that bar girls are only interested in money.

Now, let’s be real here: money is definitely the main factor.

Many of these women are supporting their families, paying for school, or just trying to make ends meet.

Nobody would be doing this job for free.

Opportunities for well-paying jobs can be limited in Thailand, especially for women without higher education.

No girl would be working in the bars if they aren’t making money.

I mean, that’s the reason we all go to work, right?

But that doesn’t mean they’re *only* about money.

Many bar girls are also looking for friendships, relationships, and marriage.

Sure, some might prioritize financial stability, but isn’t that true for a lot of people, no matter where they’re from?

Some of the girls are in the bars hoping to meet a man that will take them away from that sort of life, a man that will change their life.

But also, on the other side of that, some do not care for all that and want to have fun making as much money as possible.

So yes, money is important to these girls, but it’s not the ONLY thing that some of them are interested in and looking for.

Myth Number 2: They’re All Looking for a Foreign Husband

Alright, let’s talk about another big one: the idea that all bar girls are looking for a foreign husband to ‘rescue’ them.

Now, yes, some women in the nightlife industry might hope to meet someone who can provide a better life for them and their families.

But let’s not forget that this isn’t unique to Thailand.

People all over the world look for partners who can offer stability and security.

As mentioned earlier, some women are hoping that tonight a customer is going to walk into their bar and change their future.

That said, not every bar girl is dreaming of getting married to a foreigner.

A lot of these women are already in relationships with a Thai boyfriend, and many of them are even married, though they might not tell you that.

Some men that go to Thailand think they can walk into a bar, and these girls will fall madly in love with them just because they are a foreigner.

That can’t be further from the truth.

They may act like they are so into you, but trust me, they are just playing the game.

So, to that myth, yes, some bar girls are looking for a better life with a foreign husband that can provide for them, but some are just playing the game.

Myth Number 3: You Can Never Truly Trust a Bar Girl

This myth is actually so weird and normally started by older men that have lost everything after trusting the wrong type of person.

As in any walks of life, there are people out there that you can’t trust who just care about themselves.

The same applies to bar girls.

A lot of guys will get in a relationship with a bar girl that is a lot younger than them and end up losing everything to them, wondering where it all went wrong.

I mean, it’s pretty obvious that these young women are with the older men just for the money.

It’s really crazy how the men think this is a genuine relationship.

So, when the guy loses money, time, and effort due to being in a relationship with a bar girl and then finding out she had a boyfriend all along, it’s straight to “You can never trust a bar girl,” which is completely absurd.

Yes, I admit it, it’s hard to trust someone that does this type of work, but some of them are the most trustworthy people I have ever met.

A quick story: I met a bar girl, and we became friends—nothing more, just friends.

One time, she asked me for 10,000 baht so she could go back to her family and give them money that they needed.

She promised she would pay me back the following month.

I was not in Thailand at the time, and even though she was my friend, I expected to send her the money and never see it or her again.

I sent the money and waited for the excuses or for her to block me.

However, a month later, she sent the full amount back.

That just shows you can trust them.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you should trust everyone you meet in Thailand.

Trust has to be earned, same as with people in your country, but I just want to say they can be trusted.

Myth Number 4: You Can Take the Girl Out of the Bar, but Not the Bar Out of the Girl

This is not true at all. “Once a bar girl, always a bar girl” is such a lie.

Again, this comes from guys getting in a relationship with a bar girl, then after a while, they stop supporting her, and then she has no other option than to go back to bar work.

If she has no money coming in, what do you expect these girls to do? Live without any money? Of course, they are going to go back to the bar.

This doesn’t mean that they want to; it means that they have to.

If they are truly with someone that supports them and they care for them, they are not going to mess it up by going back to work in the bar.

However, referring back to the relationships between old foreign men and younger Thai bar girls, these girls will often say that they are no longer working in the bar, but in reality, they are.

They just act like they aren’t so their older foreign boyfriend will carry on sending them money.

But if you have met a genuine woman that really cares for you and wants a relationship, I promise she is going to leave the bar if she can afford it.

Myth Number 5: They All Want to Move Abroad

This myth often comes from Western women—you know, the judgmental, jealous type that are confused why us men prefer a Thai woman over them.

They normally say something along the lines of, “She is only with him for a visa,” “She will leave him once she gets to his country,” “Clearly she’s after money,” blah blah blah.

These women are just jealous.

They talk all that crap and then wonder why men are not interested in them.

But back to the point of all Thai girls wanting to move abroad, it’s just not true.

It’s rare to find a Thai girl, especially a bar girl, whose aim is to move out of Thailand and head to the West.

Most girls prefer to stay in Thailand, making money and being around their family and children.

In Thai culture, family is very important, and they will always put them first no matter what.

If they can make money from their sponsor and stay in Thailand, they are going to do that.

Yes, Thai bar girls that get married to a Westerner often move to their country as it’s easier for them to get a job and visa than it is for a Westerner to get a job in Thailand.

But if you ask any bar girl if she wants to move out of Thailand, nine times out of ten, she will say that she would rather stay in Thailand if she is making enough to live.

Most of these girls have children in Thailand that are being looked after by family.

They are not going to want to leave them.

Myth Number 6: Bar Girls Can’t Be Good Wives

I have been coming to Thailand a long time, probably even before some of you young bloods were born.

And the majority of my time has been spent in the bar scene, meeting bar girls and other foreigners.

I have met foreigners that have married bar girls and lost literally everything—bought land in their wives’ names, built a house, supported their family, and at the end, they are sent packing back to their country penniless.

However, I have also met men that have been married to a Thai girl they met in a bar for years and years and are still very happily married.

My best friend, a Canadian that I met in Bangkok around 15 years ago, married a bar girl from Pattaya.

He met her one night, had the holiday girlfriend experience thing with her, they kept in touch, and eventually, he came back for a long holiday.

They spent about two months together seeing Thailand, and at the end of it, he proposed to her.

They ended up having a Thai marriage in her village and a proper wedding in his country, Canada.

This was about seven years ago, and they are still together to this day.

I don’t know much about visas in Thailand, but after about two years of them being married, he moved to Thailand and was allowed to stay there permanently.

So, with this myth about bar girls can’t be good wives, yes, they can, but you still have to be careful.

Successful marriages are out there, but so are complete nightmares of marriages.

Myth Number 7: They Will Always Cheat on You

Now, this one depends on the type of relationship you are in and what you consider cheating.

If you have met a bar girl, and you have both agreed to try to be in a long-distance relationship, but you are not going to support her leaving the bar work, then she is probably going to keep working there.

She has to make money one way or another from the bar.

Do you consider that cheating because you know about it?

The truth is, if you are in a relationship with one of these girls and you are not supporting her to leave the bar work, then she is going to carry on doing what she did before she met you.

Now, let’s say she did leave the bar, you are supporting her, and she got a normal job.

That is completely different.

I have found that Thai women are very loyal and faithful, even bar girls, once you take them out of that life.

The chances of you being cheated on if you are a loving and supporting partner to her are very slim.

Don’t think that just because of what she did for a living before she met you that she will run off with the next guy that comes along, because she won’t.

But this still depends on how you treat her, support her, and how you are as a partner.

If you are a complete clown, then yeah, she, like most other women, would probably cheat with someone better than you.

This one is down to you more than it’s down to her.

Myth Number 8: They Are All Part of Scams to Trap Foreigners

This is what it looks like from the outside looking in, and especially to people that have never been to places like Pattaya.

But the truth is, all of us men know, or should know, what we are getting ourselves into.

We know exactly why we are in Pattaya.

You are going to be spending money there—that’s a given.

You’ll be buying lady drinks, bar fines, dates, and whatever else you decide to splash on.

It’s not exactly a scam when you know that their main focus is to make as much money as possible from you.

However, if you fall for the sick buffalo line, or family needs help, or any of the other sad stories they feed you, and you give them money for that, then that’s on you.

That’s not exactly a scam; you falling for their stories is just stupidity on your part.

Myth Number 9: They Will Leave You as Soon as Your Money Runs Out

This is partly true, although they may not straight up leave you, they might tell you that they are going to go back to working in the bar so they can make money.

It’s up to you to allow that or not.

Some men don’t mind that their girlfriend works in a bar, but some just can’t be with someone that does that work.

I personally don’t have a problem with girls that want to work in a bar, but I don’t think I could be in a relationship with one if she carried on working there.

If you are just having the girl as a holiday girlfriend, then yeah, once the money runs out, so will she.

Stability and security are important to these girls.

If you can’t supply that, then they are going to look elsewhere.

Myth Number 10: Bar Girls Only Chase Old, Rich Foreigners

Again, partly true, only because they see the older foreigners as being more naive and having more money than the younger tourists out there.

The younger guys might be more reluctant to part with their money than the older guys, that’s just the way it is.

But this really only counts for the girls that are trying to make the most money.

The girls that are looking for a way out of that life and a better future will often go for someone younger or around their age so they can build a future together.

The younger girls will go for the guys with the most money, and that’s just life.

I think both younger and older foreigners out there need to be careful when they see these girls showing some kind of interest and affection in them.

Choose wisely and don’t let your guard down on every compliment you hear.

Myth 11: It’s Impossible to Have a Real Relationship with a Former Bar Girl

This goes back to the saying of, “You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl.”

Many Thai women you meet will be an ex-bar girl or have done some type of night work, even if they don’t admit it.

But you shouldn’t judge someone on their past.

Many girls do that job to make money for their future.

A lot of women save the money so they can work on their business or something in the future, so they leave the bar scene once they are ready.

If you avoid a relationship with a woman for the simple fact that she is an ex-bar girl, then you are missing out on what could be a great relationship.

I know plenty of bar girls that have come to Pattaya, saved every penny they can, and then eventually left to go back home and start a new life.

Working in bars is not always black and white.

We shouldn’t judge.

For this myth, I think it’s completely false.

A relationship with a former bar girl is perfectly fine and can work.

Myth Number 12: They All Drink Excessively and Are Always Drunk

I think there is some truth to this, but only depending on the age of the girl, how long she has been working in the bar, and how good she is at her job.

For example, if a girl in her 20s has just started working at the bar and she’s very good with customers, then more than likely, she will be making a lot of money from lady drinks.

She doesn’t see drinking as a problem because she will be making money, and that is really all she cares about.

Now, let’s say the girl is in her 30s, she’s been in the scene for a long time, and she’s had her fair share of drunk nights.

She’s most probably not going to be drinking much alcohol, even though it might look like it.

You probably all know already, but for those that have never been, a lot of girls will try and trick you when you buy lady drinks.

She may ask for something mixed with coke; however, she will only be drinking coke.

There will be no alcohol in there, but you’ll still be paying for a lady drink.

Some guys have a problem with this.

They think that because they are buying a lady a drink, it should be alcohol.

Me personally, I’ve never had a problem with it, but I’d prefer them to tell me straight that they are drinking a soft drink rather than try to trick me.

So, for this one, not all girls drink a lot. Some maybe, but not all, even if it looks like they are.

Myth Number 13: They Don’t Care About Thai Men, Only Foreigners

That is what they tell you, along with a string of other lines commonly used to pull you in.

“I don’t like Thai men; I only like farang”… I’m sure her Thai boyfriend that she is going home to after rinsing you all night for lady drinks would disagree.

The truth is, like I’ve already mentioned, a lot of these girls already have Thai boyfriends and husbands, but obviously, they are not going to tell you that.

They will tell you all sorts of things to keep you hooked on them and, most importantly, spending on them.

Once you spend a lot of time in the bar scene, you will start picking up on these lines, as most of the girls use them, and eventually, whatever they say to you goes through one ear and out the other.

Of course, some of the girls’ preferences may be Western men, just like a lot of our preferences are Asian women, but don’t believe everything they say straight away.

Take whatever they say with a pinch of salt and just have fun with them.

Myth Number 14: They’re Not Educated or Ambitious

Here’s a myth that really bothers me: the idea that bar girls aren’t educated or ambitious.

The truth is, many of these women are incredibly smart, resourceful, and hardworking.

Some are studying part-time, others are saving up to start their own businesses, and some are even supporting their entire families.

You have to remember, being good at your role as a bar girl can pay way more than the average job in Thailand.

Why work at a 7-Eleven when you can work in the bar, having fun with friends and customers, and making more money in the process?

Of course, this type of work is not for every girl, so not every Thai girl is going to be a bar girl.

But for those that do not care, it’s a great job for them.

Also, in Thailand, to get even the most basic of jobs, you normally need a university degree—something that many Thais do not have.

But that does not mean they are not educated.

Myth Number 15: They’re All Young and Single

Here’s a myth that doesn’t get talked about enough: the idea that all bar girls are young and single.

The truth is, many of these women are older, have children, or are even married.

Some are working to support their families, while others might be divorced or widowed and need to provide for themselves.

I know what you see on most websites and videos is younger bar girls, but in reality, they are of all ages.

Most of the younger Thai bar girls already have Thai boyfriends and probably many foreigner boyfriends that do not live in Thailand.

The Thai boyfriends do not mind that their girlfriend is doing this type of work, as long as she is bringing home money—that’s all they care about.

Busting The Bar Girl Stereotypes

Alright, so now that we’ve busted some of the bar girl myths out there—and trust me, there are many, many more myths, but I’ll end my list there—let’s talk about the reality.

For many women, it’s a way to earn a living, support their families, and maybe even achieve their dreams.

But it’s not without its difficulties.

They often face judgment from everyone, deal with difficult customers, and work in an industry that can be unpredictable.

At the same time, many of these women are strong.

They’re doing what they need to do to get by, and that’s something we should respect.

I would love to hear some of your myths, facts, and fictions in the comments to add to my list, as I know I only scratched the surface.