Falling in Love and Starting Over in Thailand

They say you go to Thailand to let your hair down. Well, there’s letting your hair down and there’s taking things a little bit too far. The thing is though, I didn’t take things too far, at least in the early stages, because I was just your typical tourist.

I worked for a number of years in the Middle East, a region not known for its party atmosphere or nightlife. I mean, I get it. There are places where you can go if you’re careful. But it’s not really the same as Thailand, is it? So, when I went to Thailand, I just did so as my six-month escape from how things were where I was living.

I enjoyed the bars. I enjoyed the beaches, but most of all, I enjoyed being in a country that felt so free and welcoming as opposed to stifling and restrictive.

I never overdrank. I always played it safe. And while I met one or two girls along the way from my first time there back in 2003, all the way up until my last time there before I retired in 2013, nothing was ever serious or in a way set up to give me any cause for concern that I might be taking things a little bit too far.

The First Time: Falling in Love with Thailand

I think we all remember our first time in Thailand. Mine was a life-changing event in a good way because I found a place where I fit in straight away. I always found it interesting whenever I ran into a guy over the time I went during those first 10 years who appeared to be so out of place and so uncomfortable in Thailand, not being able to wait to go back home.

I saw that on more occasions than one, and I couldn’t wrap my head around it because to me at least, Thailand felt so much better than where I was from. I mean, I hadn’t lived where I was from for a long time. Working in the Middle East was actually something that I enjoyed, and before that, I actually worked in South America. But Thailand felt better than everywhere I’d ever been.

Some people describe Thailand like Marmite. You either love it or you hate it. There’s no real middle ground of guys who think it’s okay. You can’t just think it’s okay. You either absolutely think it’s the best place ever or you hate it.

I was one of those guys that thought it was the best place ever. I spent 2 weeks every 6 months, 20 times in total as a tourist, a collective 10 months across 10 years in the country, spending most of my time in Pattaya, but also going to some of the wonderful beach resorts that they have in the country. Like many people who craved convenience, the island of Koh Samet, only an hour away from Pattaya, was the place I went to most. And I also enjoyed spending a few days every second or third trip in Bangkok. Although I was never really a big city type of person.

By the time I’d been to Thailand two or three times, I had already come to the decision that I wanted to retire to Thailand when the time was right.

Background: The Road to Retirement

I was paid quite a good salary, but on a very brief stint at the time when I was working in my own country, probably the year 2000, I did meet someone, get married very quickly and she got pregnant. So, because we didn’t actually stay together very long, a lot of my money went towards bringing up my child who lived with his mother because we did break up very quickly.

It was money well spent. I don’t get the guys who say they don’t want to pay any support for their children. I was happy to and he grew up into a great adult, but I was sending a lot of money back for him. So that ate into what I was able to save. Most of what I could save I invested into a dividend-paying index fund and tried to reinvest the rest. And by the time I turned 56 in 2013, I had about half a million dollars, which felt like a lot of money for Thailand.

So it was in the latter stages of that year that I took the plunge and moved permanently to Thailand and it was the most exciting point of my life.

The Condo: A Small Regret

In 2010, I actually bought myself a condominium unit in Pattaya. It cost me roughly $80,000 when I bought it, and that’s where I stayed when I was there for the trips after. A little bit of regret, though, because after I’d had it for a while, I didn’t like being tied to a specific location. I wanted to be able to move freely and maybe stay in one part of the city for a bit then another part of the city after.

So I actually decided to rent out my place when I moved there and I started renting places myself. So it was like living in my own place in terms of the money I spent. I was bringing in about $35,000 in investment income. And with that in mind, I just got on with the business of enjoying this retirement that I’d worked so hard for.

I did love the bars, but I knew them for what they were. I wasn’t expecting to fall in love with someone who was in her 20s and think she loved me in return. But one thing that I did feel like is that I missed out over my life, was a long-term stable partner to share my life with.

A Chance Meeting in Chiang Mai

I had a friend who lived in the city of Chiang Mai. He was married there, two kids to his Thai wife, and he’s still living with her. So one day when I was there, he just asked me, you know, I’ve been there for a while. Why don’t you come up for a visit? Told me to go and see him. Different part of the country. I’d never been there before. Never been so far up north. So I thought it was a good idea.

It was something altogether very different in Chiang Mai. It was more peaceful, had fewer tourists, and was more scenic, but I did prefer things in Pattaya. But it was there in Chiang Mai where I had a chance meeting with a Thai girl.

This wasn’t guy meets girl in a bar situation. This wasn’t guy goes on a dating site and sends a message to what he thinks is a real girl and in essence gets responses from girls that work in bars. This was a guy going on a motorcycle, his friend and his friend’s wife on another motorcycle, stopping off at different places and making our way up to the famous temple that gives you that incredible view over the city of Chiang Mai.

Doi Suthep is what the temple’s called. And we parked our bikes up, walked a little bit up the hill, and started deciding, should we go on the tram thing that takes you up the hill, or should we walk up the steps? I wanted to walk. My friend wanted to walk, but his wife didn’t want to walk. So, he went with her on the tram, and I started walking up the steps.

I wasn’t paying much attention, but there weren’t many people there at the time, and I saw there was somebody walking in front of me, and it seemed that her bag mustn’t have been on her back properly, and her wallet fell out, and a few other things started falling out. So, I rushed up the steps, grabbed her wallet and the things, and called over, “Excuse me.”

She didn’t say anything. And then I said it again, and she looked behind her, thinking, “How dare you speak to me?” But then I said, “Well, your wallet’s falling out of your bag and all these things.” And then her demeanor changed completely. And she was very thankful. She spoke English, very close to how an English person spoke, maybe 80%, and I remarked how great she actually spoke the language, and what was this all about.

The Conversation Continues

I didn’t ask it, you know, in a rude way, but it seemed strange. I’d never heard a Thai person speak that good English before. Maybe only on the English speaking news or a very highly educated, extremely wealthy family sort of person, but usually you don’t hear that level of English in Thailand. She just said she used to live in England and I didn’t take it any further.

She said she was visiting Chiang Mai from Bangkok. Didn’t mention much else. And for whatever reason, and I still don’t know why, I asked her if I could have her phone number. I told her I lived down in Pattaya and perhaps we could meet up sometime. I really don’t know why I asked her and I don’t know why she gave me her number. It was just a chance meeting and I told her, “I’m seeing my friend and his wife at the top, so I’ll give you a call.”

I didn’t ask her how old she was because I didn’t think that mattered, but she wasn’t young. Not as old as me, but definitely not in her 20s. Maybe late 30s, early 40s.

The First Date: A Connection Forms

I hadn’t even called her yet, but she was always there in my mind. And I don’t know why. I’d probably been back in Pattaya for 3 days. And I was at a bit of a crossroads because I was newly retired, living in a rented place. I’d managed to find someone to take on my place and I felt in a way like there was an emptiness in my life in the sense that I didn’t really have anyone to share it with.

When I was so busy working, I always felt like I wished I had someone to share my life with. But I was able to put those thoughts to bed in a way just so I could concentrate and get on with work. At work during the daytime, if I had anything left over to do, I’d do that in the evenings. And I tried to keep myself fit and healthy by doing as much exercise as I could. And my setup was such that you work so hard all day and in the evening, you’re too tired when nighttime comes to actually think about anything other than just kicking back and relaxing.

If you repeat that every single day, the days kind of blend in with each other to the point where you’re not really thinking, “I wish I had someone with me.” Because although you might think it occasionally, you’re too busy and tired to give too much thought to it.

Now, I had so much time on my hands. I was feeling like that. and I just thought I’m going to give her a call. I thought about how well she spoke English and that made me want to get to know her a bit more. I wanted to learn how she managed to speak English that well and learn about her life. I mean, we’d have spent a few hours together just seeing if we liked each other before taking things further.

Calling Her in Pattaya

But before you’ve even done anything, you already start to picture exactly what this was going to be like. And that’s what I was doing. I remember calling her 1:00 p.m. around about that time because I’d just had lunch. I didn’t even know if she would answer or if she gave me the right number, but she did.

She answered and I said, “Hi, you gave me your number when we were walking up that temple in Chiang Mai.” And she said, “Oh, yeah. I remember. What can I do for you?” I’d spent a few hours thinking about exactly what I was going to say in that moment just to come across as best as I could, but I forgot about all of that and couldn’t even remember and just said, “I’m going to be coming to Bangkok in a few days time and I was hoping you might like to go with me on a date somewhere.”

She hesitated for a few seconds and said, “Well, where did you have in mind?” And I hadn’t really spent that much time in Bangkok other than the area around lower Sukhumvit. So I didn’t think that was the best place to stay. So I told her, you know, I don’t really know Bangkok. How about you choose somewhere? I was hoping you could give some input.

She said, “Okay, then I’ll think of somewhere. What day do you have in mind?” “How about Saturday?” “I don’t know, a few days away from the day we were on.” Then she just said, “Call me on Friday to confirm.” And then we said goodbye. I had a smile on my face for the rest of that day.

The Bars and Expat Friends

I went for a few beers in some of the bars around Walking Street. The ones just off Walking Street, not directly on the street. I wasn’t there for the girls. I hadn’t had one girlfriend since I’d arrived in the country. I like going to the bars, but you know, thinking and doing other things there. It wasn’t just to see a girl.

I was never really interested in that kind of thing. I suppose maybe, you know, I had had a few girlfriends over the holidays I was there, but sometimes you’re in a position where you need company, and if you need company, then you need it. But I did like going and speaking to other expats, learning about different people’s lives and how they ended up in Thailand.

Sometimes speaking to the bar owners, many of them foreign, and learning about what it’s like to actually open and operate a business in Thailand. I felt like I just didn’t judge anybody regardless of anything. And I felt that helped me out well during my life.

I went for a nice meal that evening and a few days go by and I called her on the Friday morning saying, “Are we still on for tomorrow?” And she said, “Yes.” “I was hoping for you to call,” she said. And I was a bit shocked about that because I think that’s the sort of thing I was hoping for her to say. And she talked about a specific restaurant that she liked to go to in Chinatown. I’d never been to the Chinatown area of Bangkok before. And I think in Thai they call it Yaowarat.

Booking a Bangkok Hotel

And she told me where it was, what the street was called, and said 6:00 p.m. tomorrow. If anything changes, she’ll call me or I can call her. If we don’t hear from each other, then it’s confirmed. We can meet. And I like the sound of that. With that, I booked a hotel in Bangkok just to make sure I had somewhere to go for that evening.

I looked on the map and saw where Chinatown was, and I thought I was going to treat myself to a really nice hotel. They had one. I mean, they have quite a lot along the Chao Phraya River with great views and only 25 minute walk away from that restaurant. And if needs be, I could always go on a motorcycle taxi to get there if it was too hot. I did want to make sure I was presentable when I got there.

When I did that, packed my backpack and just took a few things, thinking, you know, I booked that hotel for three nights. Maybe I’ll stay a bit longer. So, I made sure to take enough things with me. Walked down to the bottom of the condo I was in and got a taxi to Bangkok. I think it was 1,400 Thai Baht. I mean, I don’t actually remember how much I paid for the taxi, but I think that was the going rate at the time to central Bangkok.

I get in 2 hours later, I’m dropped off outside my hotel, the Mandarin Oriental. Five star opulence. This place was right next to that BTS station, Saphan Taksin, I think that’s called. And the hotel was great.

A New Appreciation for Bangkok

I got there early afternoon and just went out to explore the area and all of a sudden Bangkok meant so much more to me than it used to do because before I had only been to that very small part of the city popular with tourists as I said lower Sukhumvit. But this place around me felt so historical in a way like parts of the city I’d never seen before.

I took a walk around and I had a newfound appreciation for Bangkok that day as I took everything in. They didn’t have the Icon Siam mall yet, which was opposite from where I was staying that was built a number of years after this. But there was one building in particular that stood out to me. A really, really old school style building. I think that was the old customs house and I just fell in love with that part of Bangkok that day. In a way, I had her to thank for that.

Another night following morning went for some breakfast in the hotel, which was included. It was an expensive hotel even then. Well worth it though. Then I went for a swim, hit the gym, and just hung around. And I hadn’t heard from her. Hadn’t called her, so the meeting was still on, and I hoped everything was going to be good.

Set off at around 5:00 p.m., making sure I got there early. I did walk and just made sure to put on a lot of deodorant before I set off. Had a drink quite close by when I got there about 5:20. And 10 minutes before 6:00, I walked to the restaurant.

The First Date

The restaurant itself was off one of the sois on Yaowarat Road. I was expecting quite an opulent style restaurant, you know, very big and busy, but this was a hole in the wall style place, very old school Chinese style restaurant. And they only served one dish, famous for noodles. And when I arrived at 5:50, I saw her there and she recognized me. I recognized her and she said, “This is one of my favorite places in Bangkok.” It was great to see her because I wondered how I would feel when I did.

So, we took a seat and ordered a bowl of these noodles each and they came 20 seconds later. That was quick. And we didn’t really have much chance to talk and we were already eating and trying to talk at the same time. They didn’t really have any drinks there in terms of alcohol. I think they just had water and that was self service.

It was interesting because I was expecting more of a romantic dinner date, you know, where we could sit inside and spend more time together, you know, having a starter and a main meal and maybe a dessert. But 5 minutes later, after only really saying hello, nice to see you again. We’ve already finished our noodles and haven’t really found out anything about her.

I did have a bit of a chuckle saying, “I thought we’d spend a bit more time together than this.” And she said, “So did I.” And she laughed as well. And then I said, “How about we go for a few drinks? Is there anywhere that’s really good? I was thinking maybe a rooftop style place where you can have some cocktails.” And she said she knew a great place. It was actually back in the direction of my hotel. And if you’ve seen the Hangover movie, that’s exactly the place she was talking about, the rooftop bar in the State Tower, the one with the gold dome. And yes, the drinks are very expensive there, but well worth it given the location if I recall on the 60th floor. That doesn’t matter.

We got a taxi there together, talking a bit, but nothing serious. And we made it there, went upstairs, ordered some cocktails, and finally sat down and had a chance to speak.

Getting to Know Each Other

One of the first things she said though was, “Why did you call me?” And I didn’t know what to say. Something along the lines of, “I just thought you spoke English so well and I was intrigued and I wanted to get to know you more, just like anyone wants to get to know anyone else.” Interesting, she said.

I probably have to paraphrase here because it was a long conversation. I don’t remember the words exactly. So perhaps I’m remembering them how I would like to remember them. But we started talking, you know, about who we are and how old we are. She was 43. I found out she didn’t look it, but she was 43. She was from the northeast of Thailand, the beautiful region known as Isan.

She had two kids, but they were already grown up. And she said she’d lived in England for 10 years, which I knew before. She said she lived there because she had her ex-husband who was English and they got divorced about a year before this moment in time and that’s why she came back to Thailand. She said her husband had become violent and started to beat her. And also about 6 months before they got divorced, they were in Thailand and he went on a rampage in the bars going through she said maybe 10 girls in two days when she was visiting her family.

I was wary about hearing this because there’s always two sides to a story. But without me saying much apart from, “Oh, that’s shocking.” She pulled out a picture from her wallet and said that she always keeps this with her just to remind her always look after herself. And it was her with a really awful black eye and a busted lip. This was the last time before we got divorced, she said. And she had a really upset look on her face.

And like, you don’t have to share anything you don’t want to. It’s fine. But it did look awful, this picture, and it was real. So, I can’t imagine what kind of guy would do that. The thought of hitting anyone, let alone a woman who was probably 5’2, made me feel repulsed because I would never do something like that.

The conversation progressed to me and how I retired and worked in the Middle East for a long time. My son was grown up now and how that cost me a lot of money, but it was worth it. And how I’d always been very busy, but always felt like I wanted someone and never got there. I shared everything just to be open and honest saying I live in Pattaya. I do like going to the bars for drinks, but I’m not really there for the girls because I just don’t see how I could have a connection with someone who was so much younger than me. But I have friends there and life treats me right because I was retired. I had my income and I don’t really need to do anything, so I’m happy.

Her Story and Their Connection

She said she didn’t get much from her divorce. She got more than many people had in Thailand, I guess. But she didn’t share any figures. But she said she was working at an office in the city because she was able to speak great English and that was an asset for the company. While she didn’t earn a lot of money, she was thankful for it because she had a reasonable place to live and she could travel occasionally around Thailand, which was why she was in Chiang Mai. She also said that one day she dreamed that maybe she could go and live back in her village, which was just outside Buriram.

I felt we really connected with each other over those few cocktails. And the thing was I didn’t know where we could take things from there. I had my place in Pattaya which I was renting. I mean I could have rented anywhere. And I really felt something that I’d never felt before. I felt like this girl in front of me 13 years younger than me was like no one I’d ever met before.

But I wasn’t one of these guys who, you know, goes to Thailand and thinks that what I say goes. I wanted to actually know how she felt. I wanted an equal partnership, an equal everything, just normal. And I guess we probably were getting quite late on. And I asked if she would be open for meeting tomorrow for a meal. Maybe do the same again. She said she’d love to. She’d really loved to, she said.

So we arranged to meet up the following day at 6:00 p.m., but this time we’d meet up in Siam Paragon. Lots of food options there, and then we could see if we wanted to go out for a drink afterwards. We parted ways. I guess I must have looked like a school boy when I was walking back to my hotel. Couldn’t believe how I felt when I was with her and I just wondered how she was feeling. She lived quite close by to there because that was where her office was. But I did feel like this could definitely be something more than, you know, just a typical date.

Exploring Chinatown

Went to sleep that night. Spent a number of hours walking around Chinatown the next day and exploring the area, getting to know the lay of the land. And it did become my favorite part of the city because of just how historic it felt. I thought back to what it would have been like when this was being inhabited for the first time. You go to a museum and you read all about it. And I think it would have been an amazing point in history to have been able to witness.

But again, I’m not someone who yearns for the past. I believe with each passing minute, the world is only improving and getting better. And I guess people back then would have wondered what things were like before they were there. So it was interesting.

Back to my hotel, shower, freshen up, change of clothes, and I got on the BTS to Siam Paragon and met her at the entrance way where we both seemed to have really big smiles that we’d seen each other again. Had a great meal in one of the restaurants there. Then we left Paragon, heading back towards the direction of my hotel where we found somewhere to have a few more drinks.

The Connection Deepens

We just talked a lot more. I was starting to feel really happy that I met her and happy that we both seemed to share these feelings that we had. She was really special to me. Even though I’d known her for such a short amount of time, I did feel different than how I’d ever felt before. She said that I was different than her husband was.

That evening went by way too quick, just like the evening before. And I said, “Well, tomorrow again. How do you feel?” She said she gets off work quite late, so let’s make it 8:00. That should work. I said, “That sounds good to me.” And then we arranged to meet again. And again, I’m going back to my hotel, booking another hotel for a few more days, but a different one because I couldn’t continue spending as much as I was.

And I met her for the next three days in a row, and each time I felt better every time I saw her. I felt that she probably, or at least she seemed to feel the same way.

The Relationship Grows: Moving to Bangkok

That was when I remembered that I needed to do my 90 day report. I’d forgotten about it and I was about 5 days over and you can only go 7 days over without a fine. So I told her I needed to go back to Pattaya to do that. Can’t do it in Bangkok if you use the immigration in Pattaya.

So after seeing her probably 5 days I think in total. It could have been slightly different than that. Again it’s a long time ago now. But I really felt like I wanted to spend even more time with her and get to know her more. It seemed that she wanted the same thing. She said come back to Bangkok soon. And I said I will.

And it was difficult leaving Bangkok and leaving her because I was only doing so for the visa situation. But I knew, I mean, it’s only 2 hours in a taxi way, so it’s not that bad. And also, I did think it would give me a little bit of time to think, you know, is this right? Is this great? Do I want to be with her? I was still thinking about her when I wasn’t there. And would she think about me when I wasn’t there?

Back in Pattaya, I do the 90 day report, and we don’t call each other for that first day. The second day I’m gone and she calls me and said she misses me and she hopes to see me again soon. I’d been thinking about what to put to her and I said, “How about you come down to Pattaya for the weekend? There’s more than enough room in my place.” I said, “I mean, we hadn’t spent time together other than outside at this moment.” And she said, “Yeah, I’d like that. I’ll come down for the weekend.”

We speak to each other daily and before we know it, she’s in Pattaya at my place. And I fell in love with her like I’d never fallen in love with anybody ever before. and she seemed to feel exactly the same way as me.

Making a Home Together

I found out a lot more about her. She only earned 25,000 Thai Baht a month and she had a small room. Little bit of savings, she said to the tune of about one million Thai Baht, which she said to her was quite a lot. She felt lucky to have it. But she said she’d rather not have had the mental trauma of being beaten regularly by her ex-husband. And I fully understood that.

My income was decent enough, and it was a great weekend. I really felt like we were meant to be together even though it was only a short amount of time. But I did decide if she was happy for me to how about if I go and stay in Bangkok, I can rent somewhere and we can meet up often and just see how things go.

She said she’d love that to happen. So she left that Sunday evening. I told my landlord I’m moving out. I lost a deposit, but who cares? And that Monday I’m in a taxi with all my things to Bangkok where I found a place to rent in Sathorn. I moved in and over the next 3 months I fell even more in love with her and she with me and she moved into my place after 3 months.

Another 3 months and I asked her to marry me. She said yes and this was early 2014 or something along those lines. I was the happiest I’d ever been. I told her and she said she was the same.

Meeting the Family: Warnings and Red Flags

And that was the first time I was going to be going to Buriram see her family. Her kids were both living in Bangkok and before we went to Buriram she introduced me to them. They seemed okay. A bit wary of me, but they seemed okay.

We decided after we got married that she could stop working because my income was enough to support both of us. But first things first though, we needed to actually get married. This was going to be a wonderful village ceremony as well as registration at the district office and I was introduced to all things rural Thailand across a whirlwind two weeks.

Stayed at a great hotel in Buriram City. I hired a car so we could drive to the village which was give or take 30 minutes out of the city and the entire village came to this wedding. Her family were kind people and before you ask I didn’t pay any money because it was apparent that that wasn’t appropriate given both our ages.

But we were just two people who were in love and her family respected that. At least they seemed to do though. And I thought her kids respected that as well. Respected that she was happy. I thought they did and she was happy. I mean, she told me she was happy. And occasionally, though, one of her kids maybe made a snide remark or said something that, you know, perhaps didn’t make her feel good. Something, you know, I don’t know. Perhaps they were wary of what happened with her old husband.

She wasn’t one of those people who would pay close attention to what her kids said, though, and it was just like, “Leave me alone.” Perhaps they didn’t understand the dynamic yet, at least from their side. I don’t know, though. Maybe their mother was just doing what she wanted to do and they didn’t like it. She even had arguments with them occasionally and this was a few weeks after we’d been married and she just said, “Well, you know, I want to be happy, so leave me alone.” So I guess that was one of the only negatives of the whole thing.

Building a Life: The Best Years

After this, I was still renting that place in Bangkok. She stopped working, so we didn’t need to be in Bangkok anymore, but we both really didn’t know where we wanted to live. She talked about wanting to live close to her village and I understood the appeal of it because it was a really beautiful part of the country.

I loved the laid back lifestyle. I loved the rural feel to it. I loved the community feel that you get somewhere like that. And the fact that her family were there, you know, that would be good for her. I mean, her kids weren’t there, so that was one thing. And I think her kids were the biggest problem. Her family were great people, though.

We didn’t make any decisions yet. We decided to spend 6 months in Pattaya first because that’s where I knew best and I couldn’t really handle Bangkok. The only reason I was there was for her and she wasn’t working so we didn’t need to be. We spent an incredible 6 months in Pattaya.

My son came to visit and he falls in love with Thailand as well. And I’m sure you know he wasn’t married yet but he got up to no good I think when he was there. My wife’s respectful towards him and they were both respectful towards each other. And she even commented, “I wish my kids behaved like this, but I guess we can’t have everything.”

We were talking more, you know, about where we wanted to live, really start living the retired life. And then we thought, you know, we would consider the possibility of living in the village in Buriram. I think she was drawn to that idea because she said she was getting old. I mean, she wasn’t really compared to me. I was getting old. And yeah, the thought of having a nice home, bit of garden that I could have flowers in and tend to, it sounded a really attractive proposition.

Around this time, I withdrew some of my savings to buy a car. It felt better to have your own transport so you could go where you wanted to when you wanted. It was $25,000, so it didn’t make much of a difference, but I knew if we were going to have somewhere, we would need to take money out of there, or I could sell my condo, which was probably worth about what we would spend on the house.

Life in Buriram

Spent a really great month in Buriram back and forth to the village and we did come to the decision that we were going to build a house and live there. We both knew what that meant in terms of my living expenses that would go down because I’d need to take out about $100,000. It would leave me with about $375,000 plus my condo which was rented out and bringing in income as well. Though it was still more than enough to live on. We came to that conclusion though quite early on.

Not long later, the house was nearly built. It went up so quickly. I bought the land. Of course, that went into my wife’s name because I wasn’t Thai. I didn’t care because I trusted her with my life. And then we moved in.

And it was a memorable experience. I felt very welcome in the village. All the local people there treated me with the utmost respect. Her family treated me with respect. But most of all, she treated me with respect. Maybe it was because I treated everybody I saw with respect. And I understood if something there was different to how it was where I was from, you know, it was different because that’s how they did it.

So for them, it was normal. I wasn’t trying to impose my ways. I wasn’t trying to get them to change how they did things. And there were a few things that I didn’t like, but the things I did like far outweighed the things I didn’t. So it felt like the best thing that I’d ever done.

My income at this point, including the condo, which isn’t always rented, but it is some of the time. So, if we average it out, I think we’re talking about $20,000 a year. It wasn’t a huge amount of money, but it was enough for us to live a great life. She was my soulmate, and I think I was her soulmate. We were meant to be together, and life was great.

Traveling Together

We’d spend 3 months in the village usually, and then we’d go somewhere for a week. 3 months in the village, go somewhere for a week. And I think that’s the great way to actually love where you’re living yet explore more of the country at the same time.

I had a really nice garden at home. She got interested in doing things as well. She liked to plant trees and fruit trees and they usually turned out right. And we did take a little bit more money out of my savings to invest in a small shop about $75,000 which included the land and a pickup truck and the building. And that went into my wife’s name. I mean the whole thing. It wasn’t a problem, though. Now, we had this shop and I didn’t work there. She didn’t work there, but it gave someone in the family something to do and we didn’t make much money, but it made a bit. I think this was somewhere in 2015, I’d say.

And then I lived the best years of my life. 2015, 2016, 2017. 2017 was very memorable for me in more ways than one. Aside from being with my perfect wife, living my perfect life in Thailand, the country I’d always dreamed of retiring to, we went away for the first time for an actual international trip together. It felt so great to actually board an airplane with her and she’s holding my hand and we’re talking and laughing and joking like we always used to do.

We take our seats in the plane and it takes off for a new adventure. We were going to Vietnam. It wasn’t a long way away, but somewhere that both of us hadn’t been. And I can just remember that two weeks that we spent there as being probably one of the highlights of my whole life, experiencing different things with her, seeing different things with her, loving life with her more than I’d probably ever loved life before.

And we decided that we would try to get away internationally. Maybe not once a year because maybe the budget wouldn’t go that far, but maybe once every two years if we could. 2018 was another good year. 2019 we did go away early in that year that time to Malaysia. Another wonderful two weeks we spent together and I continued to live the best years of my life.

Even during the COVID years I was still happy and we were both really happy together.

The Tragedy: Losing the Love of My Life

One of the problems with life is that I’ve always felt anyway that if you have so much happiness and enjoyment and fun and you’re just in love with someone and they love you in return, it’s as if you’ve had too much of a good thing and something bad is bound to happen.

Would you call it fate? I wouldn’t even call it necessarily real. It’s just how our minds work. But it was as if I’d had such an amazing time for nearly 10 years, well 8 years with my wife who was the love of my life and who I wanted to spend the rest of my time with. It was as if we owed something as a way to pay for this amazing life that we both had.

2022 was the worst year of my life. We were about a week away from going to Phuket actually for a few days. We were just going there to relax by the beach and enjoy our something we always did. We never argued a day in our lives. And then 3 days before we were due to go to Phuket, she suffers a heart attack and she passed away.

I was in hysterics. As you can imagine how you feel if you’ve been through it or if you haven’t, you can’t describe it. But it was the worst thing to ever happen to me. It was awful to understand that the love of my life, I’d never see her again. I mean, I’d like to think that I will see her when I finally move on. I see her in my dreams. Of course I do. But that was it. My life with her was over and I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye because it was so sudden.

I didn’t know what to do. I was in hysterics for over a month. I couldn’t pull myself together. Even throughout the funeral, I couldn’t pull myself together. I was just upset all the time. And I mean really, really upset and devastated about what had happened because as I’ve already said, I never had any problems with her. We never argued. We never fell out. We never disagreed about many things. When we did disagree, we both understood that we had differences of opinion and that we needed to compromise. We knew we needed to meet in the middle. It’s not one way or the other way. No one’s right, no one’s wrong.

But it felt like my world had just ended. The pain never goes away, but you do start to, you know, get to grips and try to move forwards and get on with life as best you can. And I’m thinking, I’m going to be okay living in this house. Got the business, which is a bit of fun, just to remind me of her.

The Aftermath: Losing Everything

But that was a time when unfortunately her kids decided that that was theirs. Didn’t really have anything set up about what would happen if something happened to my wife. I was always like 99.9% sure that if something happened to one of us, it would be me, not her. So yeah, that made the whole thing so much worse.

And I had to move out of that house that I shared together with her. I had to leave the village altogether because the kids decided, well, it was theirs anyway, so they wanted it. I didn’t have a lease in place or anything to protect me. And in a way, I feel like they kind of cherished the fact that they finally got rid of me.

And that just sort of tipped me over the edge and I entered what I would call my self destruct mode. In a way, hoping that I could meet my wife again sooner rather than later. This isn’t the end, though. This isn’t the end of anything. This is the start of the beginning of my end. because there was no thought that I had that things would turn out the way they did.

Because as I said, I was sure that it would be me that something happened to first and therefore they wouldn’t be any problems. She’d have the house anyway. That’s the thing. She didn’t do anything bad to me. Nothing at all. And even now, it fills me with rage because not all people in Thailand are bad. Most of them aren’t. She was perfect. She was my better. She made me better.

And while I was just, as I said, getting over things and not getting over it because, you know, you never do, but trying to move forwards, live life. I lost the house and the shop, about $200,000 invested there. I lost it and I had to leave.

Returning to Pattaya

And then because of that, I had less money to spend. I had about $300,000 left in my condo. It wasn’t like I was ruined. But around this time, I didn’t really have my own best interests at heart, but I didn’t want to leave Thailand either because of a love of the country. I didn’t really want to live in Buriram City unless it was in our house. Didn’t want to live in Bangkok because that reminded me too much of her. And you know, the time we met, the funny little dates we went on.

So, I thought I’d go back to Pattaya. I didn’t have anyone in my condo at that moment. So, I moved back to my own place. And I guess for the first week I was back, I just tried to come to terms with everything. Forgot about the house. Not forgot about it, but forgot about the fact that I’ll never be able to live there again. And also just tried to move forwards and hope each day gets better.

I managed throughout the first week to just persevere with things, you know, to try. But I was feeling so miserable and depressed and I just wanted to drown out those feelings as best I could.

The Spiral: Alcohol and Bad Decisions

So I went for a beer and then I went for another beer and I probably had 20 more and I must have been a sight to behold. Blind drunk walking around the streets of Pattaya thinking about my wife probably crying but I was too drunk to even know then. And I can remember though that it did numb the pain. It numbed the pain a lot. It made me feel better in the moment but far worse in the morning. That’s when you wake up and automatically reach for a bottle.

After a few weeks, I’d progressed from beer to whiskey and, you know, everyday thing. I did it all the time. My son came to visit me. By this point, he’d already married, had a child of his own, and he saw what state I was in. And he said, “Maybe you should think about leaving Thailand. You know, come back home, come and live with us.” But I couldn’t bring myself to leave Thailand because I loved Thailand still. He knew how much my wife meant to me. He liked her as well. And he was upset as well for me.

And he knew, you know, what happened with the house and how her kids had got it. I wasn’t able to live there anymore. And I didn’t tell him I was eating into my savings. I just didn’t think it was the right thing to say. I was just self destructing though, thinking that maybe if I go hard enough, I will be with her again soon. And that’s sad to say and hard to talk about.

But it’s one of those situations that you can’t really think anything other than in a moment like that because everything you had that you loved isn’t there anymore. Whatever you did, it couldn’t be replaced.

The thing that I’m most embarrassed about is that things got a lot worse. So much worse. One day I woke up and there was a girl next to me, probably in her early 20s, and I just looked like, “What have I done?” But it wasn’t enough to tell me to stop, though.

And after 6 months of blowing through quite a lot of money, I decided that maybe the best thing for me to do would be to try and get into another relationship with someone. Maybe that would numb the pain because the pain was still there. It was so real and it was eating me alive.

The Bar Relationship

I was out one evening, not drinking as much as I had been, but I was still going at it and I did what you’re not meant to do. I met a girl in a bar. The very fact that she said that she was from Buriram made me feel like a connection to my wife. So, I spent some time with her. I liked her. Didn’t love her, but I liked her. And I like the fact that it was a distraction. It was a distraction. And it did help me to stop drinking. I was still drinking, but nowhere near as much.

And I don’t know if it’s the fact that I felt like she loved me. I mean, I suppose deep down I knew she didn’t. But when I told her about what had happened with my wife and my situation and everything, I thought that she would, you know, take that on board and behave accordingly. I was just really lonely. And when you’re lonely and you’ve got a bit of drink and your memories, it’s not a good combination.

Instead of thinking maybe try and find someone else that’s, you know, not like this, something of a similar age to you, maybe take things slowly. You might be lucky. I just had to come to the conclusion that there was absolutely no possibility of me ever meeting someone that I could love as much as I loved my wife. There was no possibility that that was going to happen.

I think that’s why after I’d met this girl in that bar, early 20s, wasn’t the age that attracted me. It wasn’t anything other than the fact that I could get on with her. So I thought, okay, when I was with her, I wasn’t constantly thinking about my wife all the time. So that was the reason that in early 2024, I had her move in with me. And it was nothing like a proper relationship should be, but it healed me a bit.

Yet what I’m not noticing is the amount of money leaving my account. I mean, I’m noticing it, but I’m not caring. It was such a different dynamic, such a different relationship to my real one. I mean, it wasn’t a real relationship in the sense of what a relationship is. and we’re going out and I’m just buying things for her because in return she’s smiling and in return that makes me feel less upset. So it was a very bad situation to be in.

And I guess what I should have done that I wasn’t able to do was just to tell myself to snap out of it. Forget about this altogether and just be single and pull yourself together to try to make friends with other expats with similar interests. Maybe find some hobbies, take up golf, do anything. But this is something that you shouldn’t be progressing with.

A Costly Distraction

I wish that’s what I did, but I didn’t. And probably 3 months more of her staying with me, I’d already decided that it was a good idea to get married to her. Maybe just try to relive what I had with my wife in terms of the village ceremony. It was in Buriram, after all, a reason to go back to Buriram. And this time, I had to pay money for the wedding because of the age difference. And I don’t love her. And I’m pretty sure she doesn’t love me. But it’s just a distraction, that’s all. And a very expensive distraction.

And just after that, she wants all kinds of things. There’s gold and we’re going out and there’s this and she wants that. Before I know it, I don’t have $300,000 anymore. I’ve got about $180,000. And that’s not enough to provide me with an income anymore, even though I’ve got the condo to live in. I’m in a huge mess.

But at the time, I don’t care that I’m in a mess because in a way, I feel like this mess I’m in is somehow going to take me back to my wife in a way because things could go bad for me. You never know what’s going to happen. I feel bad for the girl that I put things through. Although she did have a lot of things out of me, so it was worth her while.

The Wake Up Call: A Son’s Love

I think it was at the end of 2024 when I’d blown through a lot more money. Probably had $150,000 left. And I think that was when I actually told myself, “Hang on, you’ve made a huge mistake here.” My wife, I mean, my new wife. And I feel embarrassed to say it. I am embarrassed to say my new wife because I feel like that’s sacrilege to give her the same term that my other wife had because it’s not the same.

But she was going out all the time with friends. She was living the life of a young person and she had every right to do. Did she take advantage of me and my state? Yes, she did. But did I take advantage of the fact that she was a distraction that helped me to get to the point at the end of 2024 when I realized that no, this is crazy. This is madness. Stop it. I think it did.

So, I sat her down and we talked about things and we got divorced. Gave her a little bit of money to go with her life. So she did well out of it. But again, she had every right to. I was starting to, you know, just about feel at a level where I didn’t want to come to an untimely ending. And I knew that based on the income I was having now, I could still live, but barely.

My son came to visit at the end of 2024, and I told him everything that had happened. And he told me I’d aged considerably, which I had. Definitely compared to when he saw me last, which wasn’t that long ago. And he was really upset to see me like that. But what he did do was incredible for me. He had quite a lot of savings.

He said, “How about we put what you’ve got left together with the same again from me. Put it into something that’s going to give you a return and you can get the income from it forever. That way you’ll have about $2,000 a month. If I do that, do you promise me that you’ll never try to do something stupid again and you’ll pull yourself out of it, get happier, get better? Don’t do anything stupid? If you meet someone like your old wife, that’s different.”

Starting Again

So, in a way, he kind of saved my life. Just under a year has passed since then, and while I’m not fully mended, I’m as close to being okay as I can be. I spent a lot of that time in Thailand, but then I actually left Thailand. Felt like I wanted a fresh start, and no, I haven’t met anybody else. But I’m on the lookout, but only if something feels real, and I know what real feels like.

I went to Cambodia for a bit, spent some time there. Again, just sort of a commitment that I’m keeping to my son because if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t really have much of an existence now. I’d be living, but not on a lot of money.

That investment will belong to him eventually. But the fact that he was prepared to do that for me just goes to show that you can rely on someone.

Reflections: Would I Change Anything?

Meeting my wife and having the privilege of spending eight of the best years of my life with her was the best thing to ever happen to me, and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I often think if I could go back in time and change meeting her when we were walking up those steps at the temple in Chiang Mai, would I change that so I could avoid the pain that I had to go through for a long time after she sadly died? It would be tempting, wouldn’t it? Because that pain is the sort of pain I wouldn’t wish on anybody, even my worst enemy.

But no, I wouldn’t. I’d go through that pain again for the rest of my life if I had the chance just to see her one more time, even for an hour. So yeah, I suppose I did love her and I do miss her.

I’m quite happy in Cambodia. I pulled myself out of that very bad place, spending time in Siem Reap. Few friends there, see them regularly and I tried to stay away from drink, but I enjoy one occasionally.

Life After Grief

I’m thinking about leaving Cambodia and potentially going somewhere else. Maybe spend some time in Vietnam, maybe spend some time in the Philippines. I don’t want to be connected to any one location. I think that’s one of the things that I’ve come to an understanding of.

Just be grateful for the fact that I was able to get out of that depression, that I did get the help from my son, and that I did have eight incredible years with the love of my life, Thailand. I mean, I do love it. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I do think I was lucky that I met someone as incredible as her. Of course, I was. I was the luckiest man in the world, and she often used to tell me that she was the luckiest girl in the world.

Advice for Others

If I have to end this in a way to give any advice to anybody who perhaps might be of a similar age to me when you’re finally able to go to Thailand, embrace the fact that you’re somewhere so great. Yet understand that there are many differences in Thailand that you might not like, but you’ve got to accept them for what they are.

Also, if you want to meet someone and get into a serious relationship, maybe try and think of getting into a relationship with someone who is similar to you in a few ways. While admittedly I got married again to that girl that I met in that bar, that was not the real me. That was me searching for an escape from loneliness. And I knew it wasn’t real when I did it. The sad thing is many guys do something similar. Yet they think this situation is real and it’s not. At the time though, it was the only thing that made me feel good.

You can succeed in Thailand, but be careful, enjoy yourself, and obviously don’t fall in love with a girl young enough to be your daughter and expect her to love you in return because it doesn’t work like that.