Love Lies and Money in Thailand

Background from My Mongering Career

I did monger in Thailand for more than 10 years prior to this. I married a Thai lady from Isan. When I met her, she was 20 and a year out of college, 15 years my junior, and part owner of a phone shop in Khon Kaen. You know the type 100 phone shops packed into as many square meters in a shopping mall. These ventures were extremely profitable back in the day before the price of rents exploded. At the time, I calculated she was clearing in excess of $4,000 Australian dollars when the Thai baht was buying much less Australian dollars than today. She had financed a small townhouse to be close to her shop, about 120 km from the family village and land.

I was in my late 30s at the time and this was about 15 years ago. My version of dating at the time in Thailand was usually meet the contacts on Thai Love Links, which I believe is now called Thai Cupid or Thai Tinder, then move them over to Hotmail MSN remember we’re going back quite a few years ago. This was in the days before LINE and WhatsApp was very popular. Most of the Thai girls were quite proper, usually showing up to a meeting with a chaperone, and with the language barriers it was impossible to bed them on the first day. You had to be very good with body language game. So I would usually day date, and if it wasn’t going anywhere I’d politely pay the dinner tab and be out and off to the bars.

Side note: out of meeting no less than 20 girls in this fashion, every single one of them was genuine. How lucky we were back in the day. Many of them became second dates and only a few became exercise partners. Mind you, some of them were pretty much still in the running only I chose to cut them off as things started to become more serious with this one girl.

Courting My Future Wife

My wife took about 15 meetings on the last meeting before ever spending any alone time. Strangely, it may have taken a lot longer, but this one uncle who we will talk about later told me one afternoon after lunch, “Why don’t you two go back to your hotel and we will all meet you in 5 hours later for dinner.” By this time, I’d been spending my whole week off work with her and not even visiting bars until I was in Bangkok on my way out. This online dating took place over the last few years of my mongering career.

I was in Thailand every fifth week for a trip of about 1 to 2 weeks. As a tradesperson, I worked in what we call “fly in, fly out” work in the far north of Western Australia, where you work 28 days straight and had a week off. The schedules in this type of work back then were much more interchangeable meaning you could change schedule easily, maybe only work 3 weeks or more than the 4 weeks, and you could change your rest to one, two, or even 3 weeks. I was such a drunk in those days I could barely last the two and often would only do the week and head back to work for a rest body and bank balance down the track. In my second year of marriage, I quit that type of work anyway.

Enough about me. I had been meaning to send off one of my many holiday girlfriend stories, but recent events led me to send this one out. What I wanted to talk about was Thai ladies’ families. I know I’ve been tied to one for some time. I can’t fault my wife. Maybe she’s a bit lazy if anything, but that is hard to say because I’ve never really wanted her to work. I’ve always wanted my kids to have a stay at home mom like I did and most of my generation had. She certainly has helped out like the time I was made redundant in COVID and she took a job in the local supermarket to help us. If she had her way, she’d probably work in one of the local Thai restaurants a few nights a week to be around the Thai girls, as she had done so on more than one occasion. Usually I’m the one to call it off as that means I have to cook for myself and kids, etc., and stay up later as I don’t like the idea of her walking to the car on her own at 10:30 p.m.

The Village and the City

Village Thai ladies are not so street smart in my opinion. After growing up in some of Australia’s toughest suburbs, even 50 years later I’m always on the lookout and very prepared for anything that may come as a surprise to most. On the other hand, my wife grew up in a village where everyone knows everyone. Someone who has been there for 20 years is considered new, and of course a few that come into the area to harvest rice or rubber. Most land is family owned in the area. If there is a lock on the door, the key almost certainly was lost years beforehand.

My wife is completely oblivious to anything happening around her and is usually even glued to her Facebook screen, even if she was in a weekly lit area at nighttime in a large city on a weekend. We’ve lived in Melbourne and now in Sydney.

Thai girls are only a tool for the much more evil family in the background pulling the strings. I stayed in the village at one point for 18 months about a decade ago. We arrived back here I had built a small one bedroom house on some family land. I’ve since taken my little brand beauty black to Australia with me.

The Bar Girl Economy

You see, a bar girl may have some work done on her body, probably has the latest phone, maybe even have a new scooter. At best, this would amount to 15 weekends of workout of the thousands she’s made it through so far. But nine times out of 10, if she hasn’t taken an overnight date, she’ll be sleeping on a mat on the floor with a minimum of two maybe even 10 other girls. She won’t have the latest TV and probably not even a couch. At best, she’ll have a rice cooker. But if you head Northeast, there will be some flash looking house in amongst stilted teakwood dwellings. Her brothers will be driving around in the biggest flash trucks, two or three flash bikes in the driveway. None of them will be insured. Why bother? Sister will buy me another if need be. Not one of them will be working. If so, this may be the fifth soon to be failed business in his sister has bankrolled him for it.

The whole family will be on a high standing in the village. Even upon her return, when the tired girl comes back to the village because her looks have faded, she will be treated as a disgrace. None of them ever acted that way the previous 15 Songkrans she came home with a pickup truck full of food and alcohol. At a minimum, she would have made 12 bank deposits into her mother’s bank account that previous year. Up until the day she arrives home, she will be the successful hotel receptionist, etc. When she is back in the village, she will be known as the disgraceful town bar girl. Everyone will console the poor deceived parents.

Living in a village opened my eyes for me was enough to turn me off the scene for a lifetime. And I still love the bar girls from afar. Some of them provided me with the best memories of my life. I have not strayed for my own little girl for more than a decade. And in those early days, I certainly tried walking around Udon Thani and Sukhumvit Road looking in at all those pleasure dens, longing to go inside. But some new strange sense of priority by far more powerful than those old instincts keep me from going, leaving the pavement.

The Brother and Financial Ruin

In my own story, whilst it does not entail the buckets of baht taking cash back into the family vault, I’ve seen the brother squander the large part of the 300,000 baht I dropped in the bowl 13 years ago. Side note: I bed down from 400,000 for an untouched body at least by no one but myself. I am deeply ashamed of the negotiation. She is worth that and more.

I have seen him write off my wife’s car that she had financed in the 2 years of working 28 days a month, even though I had so many times asked about insurance. Every time I drove it, it was never ever insured. Not sure about the whole time, but definitely not that day he rolled it. I’ve seen him own two cars and he still has not given my wife one baht. You guessed it both written off. Even today, if I even mentioned it, I am apparently just bringing up the unnecessary past.

I saw land being sold off to support a six year failed student visa, arriving home much poorer and no education certificate of any value. My wife is the only daughter. Fortunately, most of that lot was sold off there and now replaced with a better plot with only my daughters on the title. God knows how many other poor family women sent him money over that 6 year period. Yes, we are a large family with other women family who lead other factions of the clan. Thank God for my wife’s sake, these men are not her burden alone.

My Wife’s Role in Family Damage Control

I don’t know how many times I have seen my wife become oblivious to those around her, saddening. But even her own children are not noticed until whatever needs fixing is solved while she is in damage control for the family prince. All of her own responsibility or dreams are shoved to the side.

I just had a funny thought: I’m damn sure all your listeners have certainly come to the conclusion in fact, this is not her brother but her husband. Sorry guys, but that’s not the case. She is in fact mine. But I tell you, if there has ever been a time that I have felt like leaving her, you can be sure it is something to do with him. The parents, on the other hand, I would pretty much do anything for that is unless I catch on it is related to the prince.

Financial Boundaries

For my own sanity, I give my wife housekeeping, which in my parents’ generation in Australia was common. Looking after the house is not something I could do and give her credit for, and is certainly worth something. I know what I give is much more than is needed to fill the fridges and clothe her and the kids, but I don’t care. For anyone that knows a Thai woman, you know the sacrifice she has made to leave her kingdom with all things so good to be here with an overaged old farang like me in a rapidly deteriorating country such as Australia.

In the past, these women grew up believing that countries like Australia, UK, USA were so much better than their own and had dreamed about marrying a foreigner. A few of my friends still on the pavement say this message is becoming outdated with so many leaving for the dream and discovering it wasn’t quite what they had been led to believe. This is pretty much only a girl from the villages’ dream. It is extremely uncommon for a high society girl to be anything short of repulsed by the idea.

I just hope most of the change in my wife’s purse gets passed over to my poor old mother in law’s shabby handbag, and I hope not channeled into the lazy brother’s pockets. I want to say I trust my wife, and I do, but never would give her permanent access to my bank account. Let’s just say I learned early in the experience with baht I had laying around: any Thai family emergency will always come before my sense of security, and my wife would literally give her only baht which may be in fact be mine to help out a family member.

Always Coming Second

In our case of a family of two parents, one brother, it is only the brother who would always think of himself first. And the parents have certainly over the years came at me with the agenda towards helping the brother. Some happily married guys will say their Thai wife is not like that. I won’t debate that. I’m sure that is the case for some, but this is my situation and I take precautions to protect myself and her in many ways that she wouldn’t fathom and believe me to be wrong for not wanting to help.

I have learned to not take this to heart and it does not mean that she is using me in any way or that she doesn’t love me. It is just how it is. I will always come second after her family. And if you cannot deal with that, don’t marry most Thai girls. They have been raised in a way that it is their responsibility to take care of the family much like the West schooling system, only here the goal is not parents’ family, it is to raise a good employee who will make bucket loads of money for his employer and the tax man. Try and tell most of that and you will be ridiculed.

The Uncle’s Visa Scam

Even before we made married, an uncle who had the best English out of the bunch due to working on a cruise ship and had even docked in an Australian port for a few weeks, he wanted me to sponsor him into Australia. I had enough sense to know he would have absconded the second after the visa expired and it would affect any chance of my wife coming here. I did sponsor that guy years later once my wife was permanently here, and as expected he was an illegal immigrant for a few years. Often he would roll up on our doorstep penniless and stay in until I would ask him to leave after a week or so. I know every time I put my foot down, I am being judged by the whole family. But at the same time, that is why I am independent, even supporting the whole family who resided on my wife’s land in the 18 months I stayed in their country.

My Philosophy About Responsibility

I hear all the stuff on the internet about “never support your woman.” My belief is that I am the man and it’s my responsibility to look after anyone I choose to be in my care. I don’t want my wife to work. If I did, I might have grabbed one of the many here in Australia who think they are equal to men the idea sickens me. Speaking of that, I’m not politically correct, I know that. My wife certainly doesn’t think this, but when I chose to follow their custom of paying a sin sod in some pre way, it feels like I brought her and she is mine. In many ways, it probably is true.

Aside from what I’ve said about the family first, she pretty much does do everything I want and cares for me in a way no Western woman ever had. I had relationships and flings in my own country as I became older and found women of my own nationality that 5 to 10 years previously I would not even have given a second glance, started to judge me and think of me as not worthy of them. I started to think I may even marry one of these little Thai girls I had been enjoying many holidays with the previous years beforehand. This is when I got onto the dating site.

Of course, the brother didn’t just finish his course and go home. He became an unenrolled and of course had his visa cancelled and became illegal and tried the odds to stay under my roof, which was always short lived on my call. Neither of these two jokers ever considered the fact that the one day we might have wanted to invite her mother over here, but now this will probably never happen due to the selfishness of these so called men. Unfortunately, I know as much as my wife wants her mother to come here hence the reason that I decided to write this story. She has just asked me to sponsor her in the New Year. I’m sure it will be denied, and I know my wife will never see her brother and uncle at fault.

I had really liked the idea of having a house sitter here. We may have even got to have a holiday on our own, which has never been a possibility since the birth of our daughter 12 years ago. Even a few date nights would have been nice, but I doubt any of this will happen thanks to the selfish nature of some Thai family members.

Cultural Clashes in Thailand

That statement just reminded me: we live interstate to my family, and at times we do stay. I would never dream of showing up without at bare minimum a few days of food for my family. These Thai men have never once contributed to an ounce of nutrition to the household that I have housed them in over the years a minimum of 6 months. Typical Thai scenario: you come in after work and you’re confronted by two adults with 10 plates of food spread across the table, the kids eating Aussie food, and most of the 10 plates end up in the bin the following day. Not sure about most Thais, but aside from som tam, my wife won’t eat the same food a few days in a row. I don’t think twice about it if it’s just her. Sometimes I’ll just take it to work the following day for lunch. But when my unwanted guests show up talking in a foreign language in my house in Australia, it really offends me. If they brought their own stuff, the language would not bother me as much.

Look, I know I may seem like a complainer to some, but I cared deeply for my wife. Everything I do is for her and our children. I respect Thai customs and I love Thailand. I fell in love with her Thailand well before meeting my wife. In fact, I married just to be closer to her and one day soon to spend my final days there. I love how Thai people are. Mind you, some of the things I love most about my wife in Thailand and now the same things that annoy me most about her here.

Final Reflection on the Cycle

Until this part of Thailand is eliminated in poorer regions, the poor who are hard workers never get the chance to get ahead and afford their own retirement and set themselves up because the people above and around seem to be forever sucking the life out of them. This keeps his unfortunate offspring in a never ending cycle.

I wanted a traditional style family that seems to be lost in my Australian culture a stay at home mom who looks after her husband. I don’t want a wife that is trying to be equal to men. I want a wife that is content with being a wife and a mother and enjoys the bedroom activities, which has improved every year since meeting her. And that’s why I’ve married a Thai with all of her faults.