Lek and Pauls Journey From Thailand to England

I grew up in a very poor family in a village just outside of Khon Kaen in Isaan which is around 450 kilometers north of Bangkok. I have three brothers all older than me. My dad ran off with another lady when I was about 10 years old leaving my mother to raise us by herself. Isaan has some very large cities but I grew up in a very small poor community and our family was no different than most of the other families living close by dirt poor living from day to day. Not being educated my brothers struggled to find good jobs. When they did work the pay was very low. They gave what they could to my mother but it was never enough.

At the time this story starts I was 17 with my 18th birthday approaching in a few months. I had always helped my mum as best as I could but never found a job and desperately wanted to help her and my brothers financially. Some girls in our village had gone to look for work in Bangkok Pattaya and Phuket. At the time I was very naive and knew nothing about these places but all of this was about to change shortly.

The Decision

The Songkran festival is a very special holiday for Thai people. Traditionally at Songkran people return home and families reunite especially Isaan people. During the Songkran festival of 1990 one of my school friends returned home from Pattaya. Her name was Jang. Jang was a couple of months older than me and she had gone to Pattaya to find work six months earlier. I noticed Jang was dressed very well. She brought lots of gifts home for her family and she was wearing gold. I remember thinking at the time ‘Wow she must have a very important job that pays well.’

It is very important for Thai people not to lose face so Jang would never tell her family what she did to make money instead telling them she was a cashier in a high class restaurant where the customers tipped big. Jang and me had been very close friends for a long time so she trusted me. One day while with Jang alone I asked her about her job and I explained that I was desperate to make money for my family but I couldn’t find a job. Eventually Jang swore me to secrecy but explained she makes big money in Pattaya. She told me she works in a bar and gets money from drinks that foreign tourists buy for her and sometimes she goes back with them to their hotel and makes lots more money. I was in complete shock when she told me this story.

Jang explained to me that if I really was serious about making big money I have to take a chance and go to Pattaya. She told me that I don’t have to go with customers if I don’t want to but I can make plenty of money from just drinking with them and tips. I told Jang that I don’t speak any English so how could I work in a bar with foreigners. Jang told me that most girls don’t speak English when they first arrive in Pattaya but they soon pick it up anyway and the foreigners don’t mind.

That night I didn’t sleep at all. On one hand I was thinking to myself how disgusting I would never behave like this. But on the other hand I was thinking about my family. I looked at what Jang could provide for her family. It was a very difficult decision for me to make. In the end I decided that I really wanted my mum to have a better life and I would do whatever it took to help her and my brothers. So I took the decision that I would go to Pattaya with Jang after Songkran.

The next day Jang came to my house and explained to my mum that she could get a good paying job for me in the same restaurant that she worked in because they were always looking for waitresses. Jang paid my bus fare to Pattaya but I promised her I would pay her back when I made some money. She told me I could stay in her room in Pattaya until I get on my feet. She also told me it will be very easy for me to get a job in her bar as they are always looking for new girls.

First Days in Pattaya

On the evening that the bus arrived into Pattaya I didn’t really see a lot as Jang’s room was quite far from the main tourist area of Pattaya. That night Jang brought me a dinner of rice chicken and vegetables which I thought was delicious. We then went to sleep. The following day we woke up late. Again Jang bought me some food and I promised her again that I’d pay her back. She kept telling me ‘Don’t worry about it.’ Jang was a really good friend to me.

Later in the afternoon Jang explained to me how everything works in Pattaya and all about the bars and the customers. I was very very nervous. Jang told me she will introduce me to the bar owner who will tell me the rules and explain everything. At that time I had very little to my name. I didn’t even have a real bag for my clothes let alone any makeup. Jang lent me some jeans and a top and put makeup on me. I looked in the mirror when she was done it was a very strange feeling. It was like looking at somebody else not me. I looked totally different to how I had looked in the village.

At about 4 PM we headed to Jang’s bar. Even at that time of the day I was in total shock at what I was seeing. I had never seen a foreigner in our village let alone met one and here were lots of them just walking around and many of them with Thai girls. The female bar owner explained everything to me. She told me not to be nervous as she will help me. All I have to do is smile and sit with customers. If they like me they will buy me drinks and I will make money. I was very frightened at the prospect of sitting with a foreigner.

Slowly people started to come into the bar mostly men but one or two couples foreign men with Thai girls. The first man that came into the bar who asked for me to sit with him to drink was an Australian man. I was really nervous and I couldn’t speak but he was actually quite a nice man. He tried to talk to me and kept smiling but afterwards he realized I didn’t understand anything. He left but he did seem happy. He brought me two drinks and gave me a hundred Baht tip when he left. Jang had been keeping an eye on me and came over and said ‘You see how easy that was? You’ve just earned 200 Baht 100 Baht tip and 50 Baht commission on each drink.’ I had just made 200 Baht in about 30 minutes.

Back in my village my brothers would have to work all day doing hard manual work to earn 200 Baht.

At the end of that first night in Jang’s bar I went back to her room with 620 Baht in my pocket a fortune in my eyes.

Learning the Ropes

I used to get a lot of tips from guys as they liked me a lot. After about three months I felt a lot more at ease and I picked up a few English words which the foreigners liked hearing. I now had my own wardrobe makeup and everything else that Jang had and I was paying Jang some money to stay in her room. At this point I still hadn’t left the bar with any customers but I was being pressured by the bar owner. She wasn’t forcing me or anything like that but she kept saying to me I could make a lot more money if I decided to go off with them. For now I didn’t.

I later found out that the bar charges a fee if a girl goes out with a customer it’s called a bar fine which explains the bar owner’s encouragement as she gets to keep it all. I had been sending my mum 3000 Baht a month as I needed some money for myself to pay my own bills in Pattaya. I spoke to her sometimes as our village had a public phone so I would ring it and one of our neighbors would fetch my mum to the phone. We both cried every time I called her but it was a good feeling knowing inside that I could support my mum and my brothers with regular money.

About a month later my mum got quite sick and had to go into hospital. It wasn’t serious but she did have to stay in the hospital for a while and needed some quite expensive medicine. My brothers asked me to help but I was not making enough money on drinks and tips alone. On this day I took a decision that would change my life forever. I told the bar owner that if a customer wanted to pay the bar fine and take me out I would go with him. In my village I had had a boyfriend but it wasn’t serious just kid stuff really. And so later that night I experienced my first intimate relationship with a man.

This man was from England. His name was David and he was about 20 years older than me. After sitting with me for about 30 minutes the owner of the bar told me that David wanted me to go with him to his hotel. She suggested that I had a lot more drinks to make things easier. I’m guessing that it wasn’t the best experience that David ever had as I was completely drunk by the time we got back to his room. We did the deed well he did anyway. I don’t really remember much about that first night other than me throwing up about three times mainly due to alcohol. In the morning David seemed happy enough and gave me a nice tip for my time. David came back to my bar and took me out several more times during his vacation.

By the time he went back to England I was a real seasoned Pattaya bar girl.

Life as a Bar Girl

My mum eventually got better and left the hospital which me and my brothers were happy about. I continued to send money home and my brothers’ and mum’s lives improved dramatically over time being able to afford little luxuries for our house and always having good food on the table every day. Like the other girls I would go back at Songkran and spend the time with my family. It was always a very sad occasion when I had to leave and say my goodbyes and head back to Pattaya.

Over the next few years I moved around several bars always making good money. I had lost touch with Jang because she had moved into a condo full time with a guy who was taking care of her. I later found out that she had gotten married to a man from America and was now living there. Because I was still fairly young and hadn’t had children some of the other girls would suggest that I go and work in a go go bar where I could make really big money but I could never bring myself to dance half naked in front of strangers and anyway I was making good money in the beer bars.

Some days in Pattaya were worse than others. Most of the customers I entertained in the bar were decent enough guys and treated me with respect but there was always one or two who would talk down to me and treat me very disrespectfully. I could never understand why these guys asked me to go out with them. The thing I hated the most was the lies most guys told them they would come into my bar have a drink with me leave and tell me ‘I’ll be back later’ knowing full well that they had no intention of coming back. Why couldn’t they just say goodnight and leave it at that? I eventually became numb to these words. I just smiled whenever a guy would say ‘I’ll be back.’

Every man that came into the bar would say he was single or divorced. Of course we knew they were lying. The biggest giveaway was their finger they would remove their wedding ring but of course Thailand being a hot country would darken their skin quickly leaving a white mark where their wedding band had been before they took it off. I didn’t want to embarrass them so I didn’t say anything but I knew they were lying.

Every now and again somebody would take me out of the bar for a week or so which would be very relaxing for me. I would make money every day much easier than working in the bar. I would eat good food and if I was lucky I was brought gifts. The other girls in the bar were always jealous if I got a customer to take me out for several days. They were not jealous in a nasty way they just wished it had been them instead of me.

On many occasions I was able to continue making money once a guy had left Thailand and gone back to his country especially if they had spent any length of time with me in Pattaya. What would happen is they would keep in contact with me when they got back to their own countries. Most of them would ask me to stop working in the bar and promise to send me money if I stopped. Of course I always said ‘Yes I’ll stop work’ but I never did because I knew eventually the money would dry up. Guys would get bored and the money would stop and that was it no goodbyes no explanations nothing. I didn’t mind after a while and I kind of expected it but it was good while it lasted.

Good Customers and Easier Weeks

I was now approaching 34 years of age but luckily for me my looks held up and I was still making good money. The best customers were the guys who just wanted companionship that is to say they would take me out of the bar for a week or so wine and dine me buy me gifts but they just wanted somebody to cuddle up with. These guys were real gentlemen and always tipped well. Every now and again one of these guys would come out for another vacation. They would come straight to my bar and take me for another week or two. I was always happy to see them because my life became much easier for that week or two.

The worst customers for me were the young guys who walked into my bar and acted as if we should be grateful that they had turned up. They always expected something for nothing. They would get in the way of talking to genuine customers tying up our time with silly jokes and showing off. They would never buy a lady drink or give us a tip but expected us to play pool with them and hang out for free. If I was sitting with an older genuine customer they would sit behind the guy and try to make eye contact with me. Even if they succeeded in taking me away from the other guy they would always leave alone. I really hated that. These guys were stupid and wasted our time. I learned quickly to avoid them.

The one thing that these guys could never understand is that we were here to earn money for our families not to entertain them for free however handsome they thought they were.

There were some rare occasions where I genuinely had feelings for a guy. These kind of guys were few and far between but when it happened it was so difficult when they left Pattaya. It wasn’t because they were handsome or something like that they just treated me with respect and made sure that I was always happy while I was with them.

I was now getting older and I was getting tired of Pattaya. I was hoping I would meet a decent guy who could take me away from all this. Most normal guys don’t want to marry a Pattaya bar girl especially one like me who is nearing 40. By this time I was immune to all the lies and promises of a better life. It was almost a script that I had to listen to on a nightly basis. When sitting and listening to guys telling me how much they liked me and what they were going to do for me I could almost predict what the next line out of their mouths would be.

One thing I could never understand is that a guy can come to Pattaya have fun with the girls and simply leave without looking back. Why do some feel it is necessary to make false promises when they know deep inside that what they are promising will never materialize? I never understood this unless they are playing some kind of sick mind games.

The Pattaya Bar Girl Routine

Life in Pattaya for a bar girl is pretty much routine. We usually wake up about lunchtime eat relax for a couple of hours perhaps go shopping have a look around then we head to our bar if we are not already with a customer. The bar opens customers come in sometimes we’re lucky sometimes we’re not. Life like this went on for me for a couple more years until I met somebody who changed my life forever.

Meeting Paul

When Paul came into my bar for the very first time he didn’t stand out as anyone different. He told me that he was from a small town in England was single and lived alone. Paul had come to Thailand for a two week holiday by himself. Being an experienced bar girl the first thing I did was to look at his finger for the normal telltale signs of a removed wedding ring. Paul didn’t have a white line on his finger so far so good. He asked me to sit with him on that first night and he pretty much spent the entire evening talking to me. He told me about himself and asked a lot of questions about me. I was more than happy as he was continually buying me lady drinks so I was making good money.

I felt pretty sure that Paul would pay my bar fine and I would be leaving with him that night but surprisingly he didn’t. He was very polite said goodnight and told me he would be back the following day. I obviously took this with a pinch of salt and thought ‘Yes of course you will.’

Good to his word Paul returned to my bar once again on the second night of his holiday. To get to the point I’ll just say here that Paul went on to pay my bar fine for the rest of his holiday and I spent two weeks with him. We had a nice time. I showed Paul all of the tourist sites around Pattaya which he seemed to enjoy. I stayed with Paul for around 11 nights until his holiday came to an end. Paul was not demanding and treated me well. The thing I really liked about Paul was that he didn’t tell me the usual lies that is to say he didn’t make false promises that he had no intention of keeping.

Over the following several months Paul kept in contact with me and occasionally sent me small amounts of money to help me out. As I mentioned earlier this was quite normal for some guys so I didn’t take it too seriously at the time. I just thought ‘The longer I can keep this going the more money I can make.’

Paul returned to Pattaya several more times and always came to see me. He would pay my bar fine and spend his entire holiday with me. On Paul’s fourth trip to Pattaya he told me over dinner one evening that he loved me and he wanted more than a holiday girlfriend. Of course I’ve heard this so many times in the past that I didn’t really take it too seriously. Paul was insistent that he meant it and he intended to do something about it.

One of the hardest jobs in the world for a bar girl is trying to decide if a guy is telling the truth or if they are lying. For the most part they are normally lying. I was very experienced at being able to tell whether a guy is lying or on rare occasions being honest. At the time I wasn’t sure about Paul. He came across as a very honest and genuine man but obviously my defenses were always up. I can even remember back in those early days there was something about Paul he seemed different to the normal customers who came into the bar and I liked him.

An Invitation to England

Paul asked me outright if I genuinely liked him or it was only about the money. Of course even if I hadn’t have liked him which I did I would have told him I liked him. You don’t tell a guy in Pattaya that you don’t like him if he’s buying you lady drinks tips and buying you gifts. Paul asked me if I would like to go to England for a holiday if he could arrange it. I thought to myself ‘Well I’ve got nothing to lose. Obviously everything will be paid for including my time and I’ll get to see another country and have a holiday.’

Without going into great detail about immigration and visas let’s just say that I ended up going to England for three weeks. It was a bit of a culture shock and the weather was very cold compared to Thailand but overall I enjoyed my time in England with Paul and he took care of me. I’m only human and by now Paul’s kindness was rubbing off on me. I was starting to have genuine feelings for him. I don’t think I was in love with him at this point but I really liked him a lot and I liked how he treated me. I felt like a real girlfriend it was a nice feeling.

All good things have to come to an end and eventually I found myself back in Pattaya working in the bar. Paul didn’t earn enough money to fully support me in Thailand and support himself in England. I was sure now that Paul was serious about me and I really tried my best not to go out with customers in Pattaya. Most weeks I could survive on drinks and tips alone but it didn’t make the bar owner too happy and my money was down a lot. Still I managed to continue to support my family back in Isaan and Paul sent some money to me every month which helped a lot.

A New Life in England

About a year after this time Paul managed to get me a visa to reside full time in England under the condition that we got married. Paul’s family were all very nice to me especially his mother who treated me like I was her own daughter. At that time Paul lived in a small one bedroom flat but it was comfortable and he had made it nice. Paul would go out to work every day and I found it quite lonely without him at home. We had weekends and evenings together which I loved as Paul would show me the beautiful English countryside in his car. Paul would always ask me to give him a real Thai massage at the weekend which he really enjoyed.

I tried my best to occupy my time as best as I could when Paul was at work. I would always cook a meal and have it ready for Paul when he came home. Luckily for me the town where we live has an Asian shop I can pretty much buy all of the food I can get in Thailand and I just have to cook it. I find English food is very tasteless without the spices that we use in Thailand.

My biggest concern about moving to England was my family. I couldn’t abandon them financially so I discussed this with Paul before leaving Thailand. I told Paul I want to work in England but I knew it would take time to find work. Paul was a very understanding man and told me he would give me 100 pounds a month to send to my family until I could work. 100 pounds a month at the time was about 4000 Baht. Paul had a good paying job but he wasn’t rich. I felt relieved that Paul kept to his word and gave me the money to send to my family every month. By now it was also getting very easy to communicate overseas and I spoke to my family often.

We eventually got married. It was a very small ceremony in an office in town. Two of Paul’s friends were the witnesses to the wedding which made it official. I managed to find a job cleaning in our local hospital. It was hard work but it was nice being able to earn my own money and take the pressure off Paul as well as having something to do when Paul was at work.

Several years later I gave birth to our son who is now at school. My son after meeting Paul is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life and I’m so thankful for this. We visited my family in Thailand so that they could meet our son. They fell in love with him immediately. They kept telling me in Thai ‘He’s so cute.’ Paul has since been promoted in his company and earns a very good salary. I am now a full time mother and housewife and our son takes up most of my time.

So this is my story. It’s a lot to take in I know and I can’t believe this story is about me. My life is just so different now. As I conclude this story my thoughts go back to Isaan how many young girls will be heading to Bangkok Pattaya and Phuket to seek their fortune as I once did all those years ago. Thank you for listening to my story. I hope your viewers enjoy it.

Part Two Pauls Story Love Jealousy and Letting Go of the Past

For the sake of this story let’s call my wife Lek obviously that’s not her real name. I don’t know why I chose Pattaya to visit all those years ago. However I can remember some of my colleagues telling me what a great time they had had when they visited Thailand. I decided to travel to Thailand alone because I was going through a lot of stress at work and I had recently broken up with my long term girlfriend.

In the daytime I would relax on the beach or take nice walks along the seafront. On the night that I first went into Lek’s bar I wasn’t looking for company what I was looking for was a very cold beer as I remember it being so hot and humid that evening. If you’ve been to Pattaya and frequented the bars you will know that you won’t be sitting alone for long. I remember when I first set eyes on Lek I thought to myself ‘Wow she is so beautiful. She’s not young but she’s beautiful.’ So I invited her to have a drink with me. Lek was great company much nicer to talk to than the other younger girls I had drinks with in other bars. Her English was good and she was intelligent as well. I only intended to have one or two beers in that bar before moving on.

I ended up staying for the entire night because I enjoyed Lek’s company so much that I headed straight to her bar on my second night in Pattaya.

You already know the rest of the story because Lek has written it through me. This part of the story is about what emotions I went through bearing in mind what Lek did for a living. The relationship I fell into was definitely not planned. I kept telling myself ‘She’s a nice girl in good company but at the end of the day she works in a bar and I shouldn’t get too serious with her.’ The one thing that I would say at this point is that she can be very convincing and believable. As much as I kept telling myself I should end the relationship and I won’t make contact with her once I leave Pattaya this time I was never successful at breaking it off. This will sound very cringeworthy I guess but in reality I had fallen head over heels for Lek. I was smitten and totally in love with her.

Back in England I used to lay awake at night raging at the thought of what she might be doing with another guy. But what could I do but save up and get out there as quickly as possible? Most of your viewers I’m guessing will be thinking ‘Well you should have broken up the relationship right there and then she’s a bar girl and you’re an idiot.’ And of course they’re right. But as I’ve already explained I was in love and I just couldn’t let it go. When it was getting closer to go back to Thailand the wait was terrible. The days were like weeks. I just couldn’t wait to get back on that aircraft and be with her again.

Several times we had arguments and the relationship nearly ended because I just couldn’t help myself quizzing her what had she been doing when I wasn’t there? Who had she been with? All the normal questions a jealous guy would ask. It’s not like she was going to admit anything anyway. In reality these questions got me nowhere. All they did was turn Lek against me. She hated those questions and several times threatened to end it if I continued. It was really difficult for me. I had to play mind games with myself. On one hand I couldn’t help myself I wanted to know about her life. Yet on the other hand I wanted her to be happy. I knew my questions would just make our relationship toxic and were pointless.

Choosing a Future With Lek

After a while I was able to put these thoughts out of my head and just enjoy my time together with Lek while in Thailand. The problem is I couldn’t put the thought of her being with another guy out of my head while I was in the UK and she was in Thailand. It drove me crazy. I had to make a decision one way or the other. I decided I either have to force myself to completely forget her and never visit her again or I need to bring her to the UK to live with me full time and hopefully we will have a normal relationship away from the bars and away from Thailand. It was a gamble because there was still a chance I could bring her to the UK and she continued to get up to no good if you know what I mean.

I thought to myself ‘Well if it all goes wrong I can buy a cheap ticket and send her back to Thailand.’

As it turned out my gamble paid off. Lek was perfect. I couldn’t criticize her at all. When I was sure everything was going smoothly I decided I would marry Lek so that she could stay in the UK with me. I have to be honest I still think about Lek’s past life all the men she has been with. It’s very difficult not to think of it but I try. Lek has been the perfect wife. She is now my soulmate. We have a beautiful son and life couldn’t be better. Do I regret the decision I made to marry Lek? Not at all. It was the best decision I’ve made in my life. There’s an old saying that ‘the past is the past’ and you should let sleeping dogs lie.

Who am I to judge Lek for the early life she went through struggling to support her family a young girl having all that responsibility? I’m proud to have Lek as my wife. I can’t fault her at all. The one thing that makes me happier than having her in my life is seeing her happy and content. I honestly think that Lek’s age helped me make this relationship work. Had Lek been a 20 something bar girl perhaps this story would have turned out completely different.