Thailand Relationships and Pattaya
Story 1 A Transactional Relationship The Best Decision I Ever Made
I enjoy listening to your channel and hearing all the stories the good, the bad, and the very ugly. People often criticize relationships between Western men and Thai women as being transactional rather than based on true feelings. But I believe that for a certain group of men at a certain point in their lives, a transactional relationship with a Thai woman will be one of the best decisions they will ever make.
When you’re in your 20s, 30s, or even early 40s, you should have sufficient charm, wit, intelligence, and good looks to attract a mate without having to hand over any cash. But when you are in your 50s or 60s, you’re much less likely to be a babe magnet and that’s when a transactional relationship with a Thai girl may be the right solution for you. Oh, and when the Thai girl stops calling you ‘handsome man’ and starts calling you ‘papa,’ then a transactional relationship is most definitely all you’re going to get.
My Situation
My situation was boringly similar to that of many other men coming to Thailand. I had been married to a cancer surgeon for over 20 years. As we had similar earnings, this clearly wasn’t a transactional relationship. For most of this time, I had to travel abroad every week for my job. When I reached 50, I decided to take early retirement and spend more time with my family, as well as starting a new career. Unfortunately, my family didn’t want to spend more time with me, and I got divorced about a year later.
I then did the sort of things one often does went trekking in the Himalayas, did a cycling trip around parts of Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam, and did a one week diving course in Pattaya. I did try the dating scene in my own country, but I either met women with a flock of brats in tow or with a load of emotional issues or both. And I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life looking after someone else’s ghastly offspring or solving someone else’s emotional hang ups.
I had the choice: either spend the rest of my life alone, rattling around a large house, or find someone to share my life with. I know they say that with property you should buy (as it usually goes up in value over time), but with women you should rent (as their value goes down over time). But I decided I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.
Finding the Right Girl
I went back to Pattaya and started interviewing girls for the role as my future partner. At first, there were quite a few girls who clearly weren’t appropriate often due to immaturity, greed (mainly for gold, which they would no doubt take to a pawn shop the moment their Westerner left Thailand), or a tendency to explode at inappropriate moments. But eventually I found a girl I liked. She stood out because, in addition to working in a bar, she was studying English and computers at a local government college. I admire people who try to improve their lives even when they are in difficult financial circumstances.
She was 29, and I was just over 50 when we met. That seems to me like a reasonable age difference. Clearly it would have ended in tears if I had chosen a 20 year old who wanted to party 24/7. Nowadays I would never date a bar girl I would use one of the main dating sites to find female company but back then there weren’t so many dating sites.
Building a Life Together
While waiting to get a marriage visa for her to visit me in my home country, I sent her on a couple of courses one hairdressing and another one year course at a hospital for the elderly in Bangkok so she could get some qualifications. Having had to leave school early to sell food at a market, she was delighted to have some educational qualifications.
We have been together for about 20 years. We travel a lot, go skiing and cycling, play tennis, and lead quite full lives. When we’re at home, she works in a care home. Although she only earns the minimum wage (about £10 or $12 US an hour), in a month she gets the equivalent of about 60,000 baht. Given that I pay our household expenses, this has allowed her to save enough money to build a house for her family, buy some more land, buy a family car, and so on.
We have both always been clear that this was a transactional relationship. I provide her with an agreed allowance to put her brother through university (and yes, it was her brother, not her Thai boyfriend) and to provide for her two sisters and their children. And she gets the opportunity to have a financially secure life in the West. Incidentally, after her brother finished university, he got a good job with the Thai government, and hopefully her nephews will also go to university thus completely transforming the family’s fortunes, turning them from being impoverished rice farmers to educated middle class Thais.
My Advice
A 50 to 60 year old Western man is most probably a fool if they believe they will find genuine love with a Thai woman 10 to 20 years younger than themselves. But in my humble opinion, there is nothing wrong or shameful in having a transactional relationship with a Thai woman which benefits you both. In fact, providing you put enough time and effort into finding the right Thai girl, and providing you agree the financial terms of the relationship and make it clear there will be no exceptions whatever real or imaginary disasters happen to her family (so she must take responsibility for saving her own money to cope with unexpected expenses), I would highly recommend going into the kind of transactional relationship I chose. It has made my life a lot more fun and could do the same for you.
Story 2 The Sister in Law A Heart of Stone and a String of Victims
How It Began
When I first met my sister in law maybe 16 years ago, she was a young girl working in a factory in Chonburi. She was married and pregnant with her second kid. We live in a small village in Chonburi of maybe 200 to 300 people, around 1 and a half hours from Pattaya. I was the only farang in the village and lived with the Thai family for 9 years until my wife and I built our own house.
I met my wife on a holiday in Samui. She was from Chonburi not from Isaan or the north. 17 years later, we are still going strong. My wife is a person who holds the family together cooking, working at her own coffee shop, and taking care of everyone. It’s lucky my wife is like that, as her sister is a headache.
After she had her baby, she kicked her husband out. He still worked six days a week, but the money was not enough for her, even though she took all of his money. He was a good man, and I liked him. You can imagine what she decided to do to make money and still does, at the ripe old age of 45.
The First Farang
Her cousin was working in a bar in Cha am and mentioned all the money she made. At around 3 months old, her younger son became our surrogate son and still is. I don’t mind as he’s a good kid and well behaved. My wife brought him up well, and he is now 15 years old.
My wife and I visited Samui a couple of times, and she took to her new profession like a duck to water. Let’s just say she was not a fussy girl, but she was a greedy girl for sure greedy for a lot of money.
Then the first farang arrived with her sister. She immediately primed me by saying, “Don’t say this and you can’t say that,” and claimed she had only worked in the bar for a week not the 3 years she really had worked there. I had a beer with a guy who was from England, and I had to laugh at all the lies she told him. He was completely hooked. I just sat there and nodded at all her lies, trying to spend as little time as possible at the family home so I did not get involved with her BS. I don’t like to see someone who has worked hard to make money get fleeced.
The English guy then said he was setting up a mushroom farm and was going to settle in the village, and he asked if I would go 50/50, to which I refused immediately. He obviously overpaid for a half rai of land next to the family house, built the mushroom sheds, and bought all the equipment. He was maybe down about 700,000 baht. The Englishman then went home because he needed more money. My sister in law worked on the mushroom farm for maybe 2 weeks. She would post pictures on Facebook and accept her monthly allowance. Within a couple of months, the mushroom equipment was sold, the land was also sold, and she blocked him on social media. I never saw him again.
The Norwegian
Then came the Norwegian. At around 41, my sister in law was getting a bit long in the tooth for Samui, so she moved to Cha am. She’s a good looking girl, but she has a heart of stone. She only smiles when there is a mention of money.
I liked the Norwegian man, but I expected him to be street smart especially with a Thai wife in Norway. He had been all over Thailand but decided Cha am was good for him due to the Scandinavian community there. With his wife still in Norway, he required some local entertainment, so he moved her into his house. The Norwegian eventually came to the village, and the half rai of land was then reacquired next to the family house not really, just rented, but the Norwegian did not know this. It was now going to be a chicken farm, as the mushroom sheds could be adapted. He then had to buy 1,000 chickens and all of the feed and other items. Within a month, guess what? The chickens and the feed were sold, and since the land was only rented, that money went straight into her pocket. He was down around 500,000 baht, and he wised up.
The Swedish Man
There were many men in between, but the next one I remember was a Swedish guy. Back in Cha am, she had again captured another victim a very old Swedish man, maybe in his mid 70s. He had money, transport, and was keen on drinking. Guess what? He came to the village. I heard that he was buying land and chickens. He gave his donation and went back to where he had come from. The chickens are still there. My wife now takes care of the coffee shop, the chickens, and her family. Her sister sends her 1,000 baht a month not enough.
My sister in law then moved in with the Swedish man. As I said before, he was a big drinker in his mid 70s. He offered her 25,000 baht a month to look after him and also supply aerobics if required. She said it was not enough and told him she would still need to work as a cashier in her bar in Cha am, to which he agreed. She tells him that she only works as a cashier and for lady drinks. She is obviously still working and changing Pampers during the day.
My wife told her that at 45 years old, it’s time to come back and spend time with her kids. Even after all the money she has scammed, she needs more and has spent what she had. My wife and I still take care of her kids feed them and make sure they have clean clothes to go to school.
It never fails to mystify me just how ruthless some of these bar girls can be. But it also mystifies me why these guys hand over such huge amounts of cash. I guess it’s a dream of being able to stay in Thailand. You come here on holiday quite a few times, you have an idea that the girl puts in your head about a mushroom farm or a chicken farm. You do the numbers and you think, “Okay, it’s going to wipe out my savings, but I can stay in the Land of Smiles forever, and I’ll be in heaven.” Most of the time, your money just gets stolen by a girl, and she moves on to her next victim.
Story 3 The First Girl Was My Friend’s Ex An Unbelievable Coincidence in Pattaya
My name is Michael, and I had always had Thailand on my bucket list. I have a friend from university who lives in Thailand and another very good friend who is a frequent visitor to the Land of Smiles.
I’m in my mid 50s, have a good salary, and like to keep myself in shape. I am by no means rich, but I am comfortable financially.
My Friend Gary’s Story
One night while out with my friend Gary, I complained about spending all my time either at work or alone at home, and he invited me to join him on his next trip to Thailand, saying, “You will love it,” with a glint in his eye.
A bit about Gary: he is a typical Thailand visitor in many ways. He lost his wife in his early 50s and took it very badly, suffering from depression and struggling to overcome his loss. A couple of years passed and he was still struggling until a friend suggested he visit Pattaya. That first visit changed him entirely. He was hooked on Thailand especially Pattaya. Since then, Gary has visited Thailand three times a year, and I have listened intensely to his stories, which only deepened my desire to visit.
Gary became very close to a Thai girl called Ploy. He talked about her constantly and visited her repeatedly. He was smitten. After one trip, he returned to tell me they were planning a future together, with plans to buy a small business and for him to move to Thailand. He was deeply in love and devoted all his time to saving money for his next trip. However, one visit he returned home brokenhearted because Ploy had ended the relationship, shattering all of his hopes and dreams.
Gary made a few more trips to Thailand, and after one visit he returned excitedly to tell me he had met another girl named Da, showing me pictures of a very pretty Thai lady. I remarked that she looked very young, but he assured me that although she was nearly 50, she only looked in her 30s. Gary is very happy now, and they are planning a future together.
My First Night in Pattaya
Soon after, Gary and I set our travel dates and booked my first trip to Thailand. In the months between booking and departure, I binged on YouTube videos featuring travel tips and advice for visiting Thailand.
Arriving in Pattaya and witnessing its hustle and bustle for the first time was exhilarating. I decided to go for my first beer in Thailand on my own. The bar was nearby, and despite the heat, I went in. I was greeted by a beautiful lady, and I ordered a cold beer and finally relaxed. I was here in the Land of Smiles my bucket list ticked off.
The young lady in the bar brought my beer and was very friendly and flirty. I couldn’t stop looking at her she was gorgeous. I spent most of the early evening there, and each time she came over, she grew increasingly flirtatious, getting physically closer to me. Despite feeling a bit tipsy from jet lag and tiredness, I didn’t want to leave. Her rubbing my arm and speaking so intimately that I felt her lips brush by my face was intoxicating.
She asked me numerous questions about how long I was staying in Thailand and how many times I had been here before. I instantly recalled some advice: never tell a lady it’s your first time. But thinking I knew the game, I admitted it was my first visit which turned out to be a mistake. A couple of beers later, I was completely smitten with her.
The Shocking Discovery
That night, we all arranged to meet for food and a few beers. I eventually found the bar from my earlier visit, and after settling into a seat, the girl came over and explained, “Oh my god, you came back,” with a big smile on her face, which made me very happy.
However, when Gary and Da joined me at my table and I introduced them to my new friend, the mood suddenly shifted. Gary greeted the girl, and she looked very uncomfortable and walked away. Gary seemed upset, and when I asked him what was wrong, he revealed that the girl was Ploy the one who had broken his heart.
I was stunned. Of all the girls in Pattaya, I had encountered my friend’s ex. Da demanded an explanation, and the night ended with her feeling jealous and angry, Gary upset, and me devastated. We left, went to another bar for one more drink, and then called it a night. What a disaster.
The Trip to Koh Samet and Nid
When Gary and I were planning our trip, he recommended Koh Samet, which looked amazing. Gary had arranged for the same lady who picked us up from the airport to take us to the ferry terminal for Koh Samet. Gary came to my apartment to say that Da’s friend would be joining us and staying in their apartment on the sofa. A few minutes later, Gary knocked on my door to ask if Da’s friend could stay with me, since there were no sofas in the apartment. Although I was initially resistant, I reluctantly let her stay in my room even though I didn’t even know her name. The girl’s name was Nid.
She didn’t speak English, so we could hardly communicate only through a translation app. Despite being 47, she looked about 32. She told me that she ran a restaurant until it went bust during COVID, and she had learned to give massages to make money mainly for Thai people, mostly women in her non tourist area though she tried Pattaya because she could earn more there.
That day was wonderful. We swam in the sea, ate meals together, and Nid really opened up. After the beach, we returned to the apartment, and I went in for a shower to wash off the salt water. I was alerted by the sound of the door opening when Nid walked in with a big smile and joined me. Later, we returned to the main room and even had some aerobics a few times. Wonderful.
For the next week, she was the perfect holiday girlfriend. We did everything together meals, shopping, and beach outings and we became inseparable. In a shopping mall one day, I asked if she had seen anything she liked, and when she mentioned that clothes were cheaper in a market, we went there. She got a couple of items that cost next to nothing, which pleasantly surprised me, as I had expected her to go for expensive items.
The Argument at the Bar
One night, I decided to go out. I changed my mind and went to a bar in the opposite direction the same bar where I had been on my first night. I recalled the bar girl who had been a bit of a pest, but she waved me over, so I invited her to join me. Although she couldn’t speak English, I chatted with her through a translation app until the mamasan joined us. The mamasan explained that the girl was new to the bars and ineffective because she couldn’t speak English, saying that she had been in Pattaya for 3 weeks and no one had shown any interest in her.
There I was, sitting drunk with a bar girl and watching a band, when I noticed Nid coming over to me. She shouted at me in Thai, ran out of the bar, and looked as though she was crying. The bar girl asked me who she was, and I admitted I didn’t know. Oops.
When I got back, Nid was already there. I was furious, asking her if she had left my apartment open. We argued for a bit. I insisted that I was only talking to somebody and doing nothing wrong. She explained that she had asked Da to look after my room when she went to the 7 Eleven which was right beside the apartment block and nowhere near where she had found me. Then she started to cry and apologized.
Later that day, Gary and Da came to my room. Da said that Nid was upset but understood that Western men come to Pattaya for fun with bar girls. I explained that I was only talking to someone and watching a band. Da laughed when I mentioned that I had paid for drinks for a girl and the mamasan. She asked if I had wanted Nid to go, and I said no. She smiled and said she would sort something out.
A couple of hours later, Nid was outside the hotel, back from Bangkok, and I had to collect her because she couldn’t get in without a fob. She was so happy to be back, and we had an amazing time together for the rest of my holiday.
The Goodbye
When my holiday came to an end, it was so hard to say goodbye. Nid looked very sad. She had never asked me for money, but on the last day I gave her 10,000 baht after insisting, and she accepted it with tears in her eyes. When we got home, Da told Gary that Nid cried for the rest of the day because I had left.
Looking back, I realized that I thought I was prepared for Pattaya but I wasn’t. Perhaps I should have taken more advantage of the many available women, but I had the company of a loving, pretty woman who made my time in Thailand fantastic. I have stayed in touch with Nid at first we messaged each other frequently, but now it is just the occasional message, as I didn’t want to start a long distance relationship with someone 6,000 miles away. And Nid has never asked me for money.
Out of all the women in Pattaya, I still find it crazy that the first girl I encountered was my friend’s ex an unbelievable coincidence. Will I go back? Definitely. They say that Thailand is addictive, and I can certainly see why.
