A Cynical View of Foreign Thai Relationships

Story 1 Three Steps for Winning the Lottery of Life A Cynical View of Foreign Thai Relationships

I’ve been listening to many of your stories for several years and I’m repeatedly surprised at the complications so many foreign men have when forming relationships with Thai women. So I thought I’d send this it’s a bit unusual in that I’ll try to give some advice to both men looking to get into relationships with a Thai woman and to women hoping to get into a relationship with a foreign man.

You read out part of my story a few years ago so I’ll just summarize. I’ve been spending about 3 months a year in my Pattaya condo for about the last 20 years. I’ve also been married to a Thai woman for the last 18 years. So while I’m no expert on foreign Thai relationships I have some experience of my own and from talking to other foreigners.

I believe that my Thai wife and myself like each other and get on quite well otherwise we wouldn’t have survived 18 years. But I’ve always understood that for both of us our relationship was a relationship of convenience. I got divorced from my first wife in my early 50s and didn’t really want to spend the rest of my life alone relying on one night stands for female company. So when I met a Thai woman I liked I offered her the chance to come back to my country and live with me.

For her this meant an escape from poverty and the chance to support her family as we agreed a generous monthly allowance for her. But it also gave her the opportunity to work in a Western country. And even though she gets the minimum salary of around €12 per hour working in a supermarket this is equivalent to about 65000 baht a month which is a high salary by Thai standards. Given that I cover all our daily expenses such as housing and food this has enabled her to save enough money to buy more land and build a house in her village to put her brother through university so he now has a good job and also pay for all the tragedies real or invented which your regular viewers will be familiar and which seem to befall all poor Thai rice farming families.

But the key point about our relationship is that we both understand why we’re together. I understand that for a Thai woman usually raised in poverty her first duty is to provide for her family and then secondly to ensure that she never again has to endure true poverty herself.

It seems to me that providing both parties in a foreigner Thai relationship accept that their relationship is one of convenience and providing that financial arrangements are clearly agreed from the very start I can’t understand why so many foreigners need to have such car crash encounters with Thai ladies.

Three Steps for Winning the Lottery of Life

And now something you may find too cynical and may not wish to read out here for any Thai ladies listening are my three steps for winning the lottery of life.

Step One Find a white knight. Try to find a foreigner who will marry you and take you back to his country. Hopefully you’ll find a foreigner you like but if you don’t it doesn’t matter if he’s boring stupid smells bad or even if he lied about how much money he actually has (most foreigners tend to do this). The key point is that he takes you away from Thailand.

Step Two Get a foreign passport. Stay with your foreigner long enough to get a passport for his country so you can remain there for as long as you like even if you’re no longer married to him.

Step Three Choose your own destiny. Hopefully you’ll want to stay with your foreign husband but if you don’t you’ll have no trouble finding one you do want to spend your life with.

When you’re in Thailand you’re in what is called a competitive market. That means there are many more Thai women looking for a white knight who will guarantee them a comfortable life than there are men looking for permanent relationships with Thai women. So the foreign men have massive choice certainly more choice than the Thai women. But when you move to a Western country there’s little to no competition. There are many more men who would like a Thai wife than there are available Thai women. So the few Thai women there can use dating sites or their work or social contacts to pick and choose from a lot of available men.

And those are the three steps for Thai women to winning the lottery of life.

Advice for Thai Women Seeking Foreign Partners

So there you go some advice for the Thai ladies. I’m not sure all the guys will be happy about that.

I don’t really agree with the point that they all want to move abroad. I mean this is a misconception that all Thai girls are looking for a foreign husband and they want to move abroad. I think they’re no different to anybody else Thai women especially other Asians. You know when they want to meet somebody of course they want to fall in love get married have children that sort of thing. But Western guys tend to assume that all foreign women want to leave Thailand and get a foreign passport and I don’t believe that to be true because this is a wonderful country. Why would they want to leave? All their family are here. You know maybe they can take their children with them but they can’t take the whole extended family with them.

And the other thing is I’ve said this in a recent video I made some guys come out here and they’ll say to me or they’ll contact me and say “Look I’m coming out to Thailand for 2 weeks. I want to meet a girl to have a relationship with but I don’t want a bar girl or go go dancer.” And I always say to them “You really should have a relationship with the go go dancer or the bar girl because you’re just wasting your time.” Because if you’re only here for two weeks any decent respectable Thai woman is not going to jump into bed with you. She might go on a date or something like that but they’re looking for commitment long term.

It might be different for the younger generation these days you know 18 19 20 I don’t know. I’m an old fogey I’m a dinosaur so I don’t have contact with those people. But generally speaking most normal respectable Thai women 30 40 50 plus they’re not going to date somebody if they know he’s only here for 2 weeks.

Story 2 The A to Z of Traveling to Thailand Tips from a 25 Year Veteran

I have worked and lived in many parts of Asia for 25 years and I’ve loved it. I’m an American who loves Asian women. Some men like to golf or sit in front of the TV and watch sports but I love to travel in Asia and love meeting and having short time relationships and fun with Asian women. They’re the best compared to Western women.

Cash and ATMs

When traveling to Thailand bring cash with me instead of using the Thai ATM machines or credit cards. A Thailand ATM transaction just the machine cost is about 220 baht and you can only take out a maximum of 20 to 30000 baht depending on which bank you make the withdrawal at.

Only bring $100 bills which need to be flawless clean and without any creases to exchange. This is common in other parts of Asia as well. Most exchange places will not accept old and damaged US currency or small bills. You will need to exchange a small amount in the airport to have taxi money so maybe only a $100 bill and then exchange all other money in Bangkok for a much better rate.

Getting to Your Hotel

If you are going to Pattaya you can catch a bus right there in the airport. But if you are staying in Bangkok Central Area then there are two ways to get to the center of town the train or the taxi.

If you are traveling light then the train is very affordable which you can catch at the lower level of the airport and after the train you can transfer onto the BTS which will take you around most of central Bangkok.

If you have a lot of luggage and are a first timer I suggest the taxi. Legitimate taxis are located on the first floor street level of the airport. Do not go with anyone who approaches you with a ride deal. The first time I went to Bangkok I reserved a car service what a waste of money. It was like 2000 baht versus a taxi ride for 400 baht.

The taxis located downstairs are metered. Anytime you ever get into a taxi before they drive off insist that they turn on the meter. But if they complain and try to give you a lump sum deal then just get out and look for another taxi. Also look for seat belts because a lot of taxis don’t have seat belts and I’m telling you you want to wear a seat belt in Thailand because those taxi drivers drive fast.

The driver is going to ask you if you want the highway because there is a small added cost for the tolls. Agree the tolls are only 50 baht (about $1.25) and another 75 baht ($2).

Don’t forget when you get your cash in the airport break a 1000 baht note into hundreds for the taxi because if you hand a taxi driver a 1000 baht note he may say “Oh sorry no change.” The ride into central Bangkok should only cost no more than 4 to 450 baht which may include the tolls.

Passport and Entry Requirements

Be careful about having a valid passport. Make sure that you have at least 4 to 6 blank pages in your passport because if you don’t then you may be rejected to travel with your passport. I’m not sure if that happens in the US but for sure it happens in Asia. Also make sure that your passport expiration date is at least later than 6 months it may be 4 months from the dates of your travel dates. If it isn’t they will not let you travel.

Itinerary Times

Make sure that you check and confirm your flight times are either military time or conventional i.e. AM or PM times. Sounds strange I know but if you are not careful you could think it is one time and you’re wrong and you could miss your flight. This happened to me twice and I sure did learn from this mistake.

In the US I had a flight from San Francisco to Houston at 145 that’s what the itinerary indicated on Sunday. So I figured I would get up have coffee and take off to the airport with plenty of time to get to the airport at 145 p.m. on Sunday afternoon. When I woke up on Sunday morning I double checked the itinerary and realized there were no AMs or PMs after the time. So I panicked. I called the airline and checked on my flight and they told me that I’d missed the flight which was at 145 Sunday morning in the AM.

Okay I had to be in Houston on business so I requested to be put on a flight later that day. They said “No problem but it will cost you $1500.” I told them that I already paid the $350 for the flight and they told me “Sorry if you miss a flight you lose the ticket and you have to book a new one.” I complained and complained and they finally got me a ticket for $850. Big mistake on my part. This was a long time ago like 20 years ago.

Well you think that I would have learned my lesson but 10 years later I had a very expensive and rushed business class ticket from Bangkok I was living there I was going to London and the time was 115 on Saturday I thought. So I was fully packed on Friday night and decided to get my weekly massage. When I got back to my apartment at about 100 p.m. I thought I’d better recheck the time on the itinerary to make sure my driver picked me up on time on Saturday morning. To my sudden surprise I realized again that there were no AM or PM designations. After checking all the travel times I realized that the times were military time and my flight was leaving in 3 hours.

I hurriedly called the driver and told him to get over here right away and get me to the airport as fast as he could. The traffic leaving my apartment was bumper to bumper but my driver got me to the airport within an hour to spare. This was a very expensive ticket more than $10000 and if I missed that flight I would have had to pay for it out of my own pocket and feel stupid.

The moral of the story is check and double check your flight times.

Credit and Bank Cards

If you plan to take any credit cards or bank debit cards and you plan to use them in duty free or in Bangkok and you don’t want the bank to block your card then contact your bank and let them know with dates and where you will be traveling to. I sent an email to all my bank card companies to inform them. My bank is very good at blocking or canceling my card if I use it outside of any city or country from where I live. I protect my card by contacting them.

What to Bring Packing

Depending on how long you plan to stay in Bangkok it will determine how much you should bring. At a minimum you will probably be able to bring from 1 to 2 checked bags at 50 lbs (20 kg) each. I am a heavy traveler so I maximize what I can bring to avoid spending a lot of money and the baggage is free part of the ticket price anyway. Also I bring things that are hard to find.

If you’re going to be a frequent traveler invest in a handheld scale. I travel a lot over the years so I have a floor scale and it was well worth the investment. Some people think they can stand with their bag or put the bag on a bathroom scale this is very inaccurate. The weight of the checked bags is important because if you get to the check in desk and your bags are overweight it can be very very expensive. Yes this happened to me before in South Korea and they wanted $700. I explained that I was on a business class ticket and they finally waived the fee.

Unless you are planning to go out to some nice venues in Bangkok then why pack a lot of long pants? I only bring one pair of long pants that I wear on the trip and all I wear in Bangkok is shorts. It is too hot to be wearing long pants all the time.

If you wear size 10 or larger shoes then you better bring enough shoes because it is not that easy to find shoes in larger sizes. At a minimum I bring nice comfortable loafers to travel with a good pair of exercise shoes for all the exercising and daily walking I will be doing and sandals. Why sandals? Because when it rains in Bangkok it rains in buckets and I wear sandals instead of getting my other shoes soaked.

I never bring an umbrella because when it rains heavy in Bangkok an umbrella isn’t going to do much good so why bring it? Anyway most hotel rooms provide a free umbrella to use.

If you must take prescription medicines bring more than enough to last you. Sure you can get most medicines in Bangkok. I get a 90 day supply of my medications in the US for $5 but if I have to buy them in Bangkok they cost $1 a pill. This did happen to me I ran out of my blood pressure meds and had to buy a week’s supply for a dollar a pill. I also take daily vitamins and I bring my full supply.

Snacks and Checked Baggage

I am on a low carb diet so I do not snack on junk food. I snack on nuts so I go to Costco and load up on bags of nuts and at the same time I’m constantly checking my checked in bag limit. You can buy Costco nuts in Robinson for $35 a container but I get them for $17 in the US.

I like the kind of coffee and tea that I like so I bring it all. Hotels have a hot water kettle so it is easy to make coffee in the morning. I do not drink instant or that three in one coffee with all that sugar in it. I also bring a drip cup or a coffee press with me to make coffee in my hotel room. It is nice to get up in the morning and have your own coffee and not have to get dressed to run out and get coffee. I’m not a cheap Charlie but I am frugal. Why pay $3.50 for a cup of coffee when I can make a better cup of coffee for 20 cents a cup?

If you plan to have fun with the girls in Bangkok bring quality protection. You can buy protection in Bangkok but in my experience they are not reliable. They have been known to break I know because it happened to me and that is one scary situation. Protection in the US is more expensive but it is better to be safe than sorry later. And if a cheap one breaks on you then you will be visiting the doctor for a few unpleasant tests.

Travel Checklist

I know people will think that I’m overdoing it but I travel a lot and I use a standard trip list as a reminder not to forget any key things. I have used and updated my trip list for over the past 20 years. I travel overseas at least once or twice or three times a year. There is nothing worse than getting to your hotel room and finding out that you have forgotten your computer power plug or your prescription meds or getting to the airport and you left your passport or wallet at home or phone charger etc. In most cases for electrical devices you can get them easily in Bangkok.

Bargaining in Thai Markets

As a foreigner you are always going to have to pay more than a local Thai when you’re shopping. Barter. This is how it is done in Asia. For instance if you’re buying something and they give you a price of 2000 baht barter negotiate the price. Tell them you only have 1000 baht and you both will go back and forth on the price and it is more than likely that you will get it for half the original asking price. Don’t worry the person selling will still make money. If they didn’t like your price then walk away and in most cases they will follow you and give it to you for your price.

Getting Around Bangkok

For convenience in Bangkok try and get a hotel within walking distance to a BTS station. You can see the BTS map on the internet before you travel here. Using the BTS is so affordable and convenient compared to using taxis in Bangkok. If you get a taxi at certain times of the day in Bangkok if you can find one you will end up sitting in non moving traffic for a long time. I rarely use a taxi in Bangkok. BTS is the best way to travel around Bangkok.

Safety and Valuables

When you get to your hotel put all your valuables in the safe including your wallet and passport. I also put my expensive camera in the safe. I never bring any of my expensive watches or jewelry when I travel to Bangkok but if you do I suggest they also go in the safe. When wearing expensive stuff you look rich and you only become a scam target.

I never ever carry a wallet in Bangkok. Why would you? They say that you need to carry your passport with you at all times but I never carried my passport with me in Bangkok and I was never asked to show my passport. To be safe make a photocopy of my passport photo page and carry that. The only time that you will need your passport is when you check into the hotel or exchange cash. What I do is I go to exchange cash and take my passport with me but when done I go back to the hotel and put my passport and cash back into the safe. You do not want to lose your passport because if you do you will have to go to the embassy if you can get in and get a new one which is a very time consuming problem.

If you feel naked without your wallet then take all your personal stuff like credit cards and driver’s license out of the wallet and put them in the safe. Never carry your wallet in your back pocket. Put any wallet or cash in your front pants pocket. If you are in the girly areas like Patpong or Soi Cowboy a trick some of the ladyboys do is that they will come up to you and hug you and at the same time lift your wallet or cash. Also if you put cash in your shirt pocket they may also get it very easily. This happened to me in Pattaya but I caught her with her hand in my pocket before any of my cash could be lifted. Front pants pocket is the safest place. To be honest pickpocketing isn’t a real problem in Bangkok like it is in Hong Kong or China.

I find the best and safest places with the exchange rates to exchange cash is a big C Store or Robinson’s which is more private. You can use a street exchange place but for me I don’t want to be handling a bundle of cash out in public.

Now you are ready to go out for the night to have a good time. Only take the cash you think you may need to eat drink and probably bring a girl back to your room. The eating and drinking money are easy to estimate. I always put large bills in my front pants pocket and smaller bills in the right side pocket.

You must understand these people are not criminals; they just must make as much money as they can to support their families. In reference to violent crime it is safe in Bangkok. I have never heard of anyone being robbed at gunpoint. I’ve been out on the streets of Bangkok at all hours of the day or night and no one has ever approached me or bothered me. These are decent and hardworking people.

Meeting a Freelancer

One last word of safety caution do not have a verbal or physical confrontation with a Thai person. Just swallow your pride and walk away. These are nice and respectable people but they will not tolerate a foreigner who insults them.

I better stop here because this is getting too long but I will send part two story with actual personal Thailand stories including experiences with freelancers bar girls and online dating.

That was a long one that’s going to be one of the longest ones I’ve read out. And the guy actually cut it down because the original version was much longer than that.

There’s a couple of things I need to correct here. When he actually sent in the story he said you’d get charged about 150 baht from an ATM and it’s not 150 baht it’s actually 220 baht. That’s just for using the ATM service and that’s on any foreign card. Obviously if you’ve got a Bangkok Bank account an account here local bank then you won’t get charged.

The other thing he mentions is taxis. He said somewhere in the story like “if you manage to get a taxi” well that’s quite dated because nowadays you have Grab and you have Bolt so you just go on your phone and you can order them like that.

The other bit of advice I’d like to give you he’s talking about taxis. If you’re on your own and coming to Bangkok a great tip is don’t go downstairs and take a ticket with everybody else because it can get very busy and there’s a queuing system down there. What I always used to do when I traveled to Bangkok is go up to the departures level. So you’ll come out of arrivals take the elevator up to departures level everybody’s going into the airport. I’ve told a number of people this tip and so many people have thanked me for it because they said it’s a great tip. You go up to departures every single taxi is dropping off and they’re coming back to town empty or they’re going round to queue again. If you approach them and say “Hey I’m going to Bangkok” you’ll get a great price.

Story 3 The Dispensary Girl and the Jealous Manager A Crush Gone Wrong

My friend and I decided to take a spur of the moment trip to Thailand for 10 days as well as a well deserved holiday. I suggested Pattaya as I had heard lots about it and she agreed.

Towards the last few days my friend didn’t want to go out one night so I said “I’m heading out on my own.” Now I should mention that both of us like to partake in a plant based medicine from time to time back home so Pattaya and all it has to offer was awesome.

Anyway I head out on my own this night and I hit a few beer bars having a good time. I popped into one of these dispensaries and proceeded to relax. After a while a couple of attractive Thai girls came into the store. One popped herself down next to me introduced herself and said that her and her friend both worked at this store and it was her night off. We got on like a house on fire laughing and drinking and of course I’m buying her drinks. All was going great. Eventually though it got late. She said she had to go to bed kissed me very passionately and she disappeared upstairs.

The next night my friend and I had made plans so it wasn’t until my final night in Pattaya that I went out on my own again and beelined it straight to that store. My new friend was working behind the counter. I couldn’t believe how beautiful she was. I asked her how old she was and she said she’s 26 which surprised me because she looked much younger. I hung out for hours with her. Sometimes she was busy with customers but mostly she just sat with me and talked.

The manager came in at one point. I was introduced to him. He was a nice guy he spoke very good English and he grew up in the USA but he was 100% Thai. We got chatting while the girl of my dreams served other customers. I told him I was keen to return as soon as I could and that I had a bit of a crush on this girl.

That night came to an end. The store closed. We kissed again and again it was great. We exchanged numbers of course and I went back to my hotel and then home to Australia the next day.

The Relationship Develops

Seriously we must have video called each other three times a day every day for the next couple of months. I was planning my next trip back to Pattaya. While video chatting with her I didn’t go overboard telling her I loved her but I did make it obvious I was very very keen on her. I told her all about my previous relationship with a Filipino girl who was the same age that relationship lasted for 4 years but ended a year ago. Even though I’m 56 I still believe that a 26 year old girl could love me.

Eventually the day comes when I’m heading into Thailand again. My trip this time is for 17 days. I can’t wait to see my beautiful goddess once again. I had a few airline problems cancelled flights delayed flights etc. but I kept in touch with her to let her know what was happening. She was taking a few days off work so she could meet me in Bangkok at the airport and we were staying in Bangkok overnight anyway. It turns out that I was going to be 24 hours longer than I thought so she didn’t go to Bangkok but worked instead.

By the time I finally got to Pattaya the next night I was exhausted but still very excited to see my girl. I walked into the store at around 830 p.m. She had finished her shift at 600 p.m. so I figured she was upstairs in her room. I said hello to the manager who was there. I said “Hello” by name but he just looked at me and ignored me. I said “Hey you probably don’t remember me but I was here a few months ago. Where’s that girl?” He said “Yeah I remember you. And she’s just upstairs. She’ll be down soon.

She came down walked in. I couldn’t believe how beautiful and innocent she looked. She ran over and kissed me passionately again and again. I was in heaven. Finally I didn’t notice the manager head out the door but I grabbed a beer and proceeded to give her some gifts that I had brought her perfume etc. She gladly accepted. I bought her a drink and after we went for a little stroll but she asked me to settle the bill before we left which I did.

We got back to the store. The manager was still not looking at me or talking to me. I asked the girl “What’s his problem?” And she just shrugged her shoulders. She said she will be right back and went upstairs. He seemed to follow her. I heard them talking in Thai so I didn’t know what was being said.

Next thing they both come walking out from behind the curtain at the rear of the store. He says “John she has something to tell you.” I looked at her but she looked at the floor. I looked back at him and he said “She is my girlfriend.

Discovering the Deception

I looked at her and asked if this was true. She just looked at the floor again. How could she do this to me? What was the end game? Is this some kind of a scam? No money had ever changed hands. She never asked me for money. So what’s going on?

I left in a rage of course. Found my hotel proceeded to go out and get very very drunk texting her constantly to get answers which never came.

The next day I went back to the store to face her. Wow what a cold hearted girl. No emotion at all. Her excuse was that her and the boss had just been friends and she didn’t know he thought of her as his girlfriend. Maybe this is a Thai thing I don’t know. I had asked her on numerous occasions “Did she have a boyfriend husband or something lurking around?” But she assured me she hadn’t had aerobics with anyone since moving to Pattaya 4 months ago.

This hurt me badly. I went back later that night when I knew he would be there and what do I find? The pair of them sitting on a couch holding hands and eating food together. I just walked away.

I wasn’t finished though. I wanted answers. Someone has to pay I thought. I finally caught up with him alone in the store. I made him buy me a beer. We sat together very tense as you can imagine. I said “How long have you known this was going on?” He said “The moment I walked in the door yesterday.” He claims to have known nothing even though her and I had been in constant communication up to three video calls a day and he doesn’t notice? She was sending me photos of herself and also photos of her family etc. including her son who lived with the father.

Anyway I asked him what he intended to do about it fire her? dump her? He just stared at me and said he wasn’t going to do anything. I saw red. I smashed the beer bottle down on the glass coffee table and the glass smashed. I jumped up and I was going to hit this guy. He ran out of the store yelling to attract other Thais obviously to defend himself from the angry farang. He baited me and tried to get me to throw the first punch but I was smart enough to keep walking away.

Police Report and the Moral

The next day I went to the police and told them about the table I broke and I wanted to make restitution but they just told me to keep away and don’t go back to that store.

So I guess the moral here is it’s not just bar girls that are dishonest. It hasn’t put me off Thailand though I’m making plans now to move there but maybe not Pattaya.

I still have no idea what the end game was except to make the boyfriend jealous. Pretty strange way of doing it. I actually got a message from her at Christmas time with a screenshot of the boyfriend’s message kicking her out on the street. She said “I hope you’re having a good laugh.” I didn’t. I felt sorry for her.