How My Thailand Retirement Dream Fell Apart

When I say I might as well have not been born, I’m not lying. I put in years and years of hard work early mornings, late nights, and the endless grind of the daily commute. I raised a family, divorced against my will, yet still I persevered. I clung to the dream that one day life would feel like it was worth living.

I used to daydream at work, thinking about what it must feel like to wake up in the morning knowing that you don’t have to do anything. It’s what kept me going all those years. And after divorce, I started living vicariously through the lives of others. Legends, I called them. Guys who had stuck up the middle finger to the West and said, “No more. We’ve had enough.” And I wanted to be just like them.

To come to terms with the fact that everything I had, everything I gave my life for, has been ripped so viciously away from me. Coming to terms with that is hard. And I’m writing this now from a bedsit in Hull that somehow I was fortunate enough to have been able to get through the council. It’s no life. It’s no existence. But at least I can survive. Survival is all I think about today.

And I hope my story will let people know that when you’re thinking about retiring, especially somewhere like Thailand, it’s not just a question of moving there and starting to live. There are going to be so many people from every angle viciously trying to take everything you’ve worked so hard for. That’s not everyone in Thailand. Most certainly not. But the type of people who tend to hang around the expats. These are the charlatans and the girls.

Some might say they’re just trying to find a better life for themselves and their families. Yet others might call them stuff of nightmares. A fragile bond built on nothing but lust from one side and ultimate greed on the other. You don’t think of it like that when you’re going through it. These thoughts don’t cross your mind, and usually it’s going to be too late when you finally find out the truth.

Please take heed. I’m begging you. Please take heed and don’t find yourself at 65 in a miserable little ground-floor apartment without even a pot to piss in.

Why Thailand?

Thailand. What is it about Thailand that attracts so many people? I was attracted there for cheap living, nice weather, and the hope of finding someone who wouldn’t be like my ex-wife. I wanted someone who would appreciate the things I did, the money I spent, and the help I gave. I’ve heard it in other stories, and I definitely didn’t think I was a savior. I just wanted a partner who accepted me for who I was and whose own dreams aligned with mine. A nice little house in the country, trips away every 3 or 4 months.

I didn’t want someone to flaunt over anyone else. I wasn’t looking for a girl that was a lot younger than me, even though it was possible. I’ve seen many guys my age walking around hand in hand with these stunning beauties a third of their age. And I’m not going to lie and say that it wasn’t tempting. It was extremely tempting. And if I had my time again, I would throw caution to the wind and I would choose someone younger.

But the only reason I didn’t and the reason I chose someone more age appropriate was because I thought that would give me a better chance of success. At least some of these guys who have lost everything had a few years of living the ultimate male dream. I didn’t think I was living the dream. I just thought I was making sensible and careful decisions with the hope that nothing would go wrong.

This is my story. And honestly, I feel like I might as well have not been born.

The YouTube Years

Let’s start off when I decided that Thailand was somewhere that I would seriously consider starting what was meant to be the best chapter of my life. I don’t want to name any names in this story, but there was a YouTube channel of a guy from a similar part of the country to me. His videos drew me into Thailand at a time when I had just come out of a divorce.

10 years ago now, not many people were making videos in Thailand like they are today. There were still a lot, but nowhere near as many. I watched most of them, and they seemed to be like old school guys. And this guy who was my favorite showed me all around the country. I almost felt like I was there with him when I was watching his videos. He’d show Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Hua Hin, but most of all his favorite Pattaya.

I quickly got into a habit of coming home from work at 6:00, turning on YouTube, and watching everything I could about Thailand. There was that guy who did the food reviews. He was interesting to watch, but he wasn’t like me. When you see guys that are like you doing something so exciting, that’s when you start to think you could do the same.

I decided then in 2015 that Thailand is where I wanted to be. I was 55, and I always planned to retire at 60. I didn’t know what I was going to do when retirement finally came around. I thought about it for as long as I can remember. You’d always be thinking, “Well, I’m only so many years away. What am I going to do?” When I finally understood what I was going to do, it gave me a new lease on life. I could see on screen in front of me what my future life was going to be like, and I started looking forward to it.

While I hated work, it became a means to an end a means to the ultimate dream of retiring to Thailand. And I started to actually enjoy going to work, knowing it was one day less.

My First Trip 2017

I’d never been to Thailand before. Before I got divorced, we were the sort of family who went on package holidays to Spain, Portugal, and Greece. You know, all the typical destinations that families from England go to. Ryanair and easyJet flights where you’re all crammed in like sardines. And when you’re meant to feel like although you’re having an overseas holiday, you’re not really doing it in style you’re doing it in the most budget way possible. But still, you do want your family to have a great experience, things to remember their childhood by.

And when you find yourself getting to the hotel, which is all-inclusive when you’re there, though, you always feel like this holiday that you’d bigged up for the whole year is nothing more than a letdown. You’re in a foreign country, but the hotel you’re in is shared by everybody else who’s doing exactly the same thing. The pool by the hotel that’s great. But you get down at 10:00 a.m. only to find out that the Germans have already been down hours earlier putting their hotel towels on the beds at 4:00 a.m. to reserve them. That’s only meant as a joke I have a really close German friend but it’s an experience that you will witness. You might go on the occasional excursion, but you’re going on a bus with throngs of other people doing the same thing as you.

Yearly holidays were always a letdown, and you think to yourself, “I can’t believe I spent three grand on that.” But Thailand looked so different. Thailand looked like the place where you could really immerse yourself in what it was about. There were lots of other people there of course there are Thailand was one of the most popular destinations in the world. But there was so much to see and so much to do that you didn’t mind that it felt like you were just jumping on a ship that seemed to have already set sail and you missed out on the embarkation.

2015 I’m watching Thailand content until 2016 every day. I would watch the same videos two or three times because there simply wasn’t enough content that I was able to consume. I found myself waiting for my favorite channel to upload a video. Then you find out he’s left Thailand and gone home. “What am I supposed to do now?” I became obsessed with Thailand. And the following year in 2017, I was going to be going for the first time.

I put off going for such a long time 2 years since I became interested because part of me was concerned that when I got there, it wouldn’t live up to these expectations. That was a huge worry. What happens if I got there and I didn’t like it? I’d already felt certain that my retirement was decided. The thoughts of getting there and not liking it those thoughts played with me, and I had many sleepless nights because of them.

But it was settled. In 2017, in February, I was going to be going to Thailand for 2 weeks Bangkok, Chiang Mai, and Pattaya. And I couldn’t wait.

The Airport and the Flight

I was in saving mode for the few months before it was time to go. Didn’t want to do anything at Christmas. I saw my children, but they were already in their 20s. A new year again, I just stayed at home. The New Year’s Eve celebrations I was invited to the ones I’d been to for years without fail I wasn’t interested anymore. All I thought about was Thailand. And when it was finally time to go, I couldn’t believe the two years I’d spent watching everything about Thailand. The culmination of that was my first trip. When I went to the airport, I remembered the video I watched of someone doing the same thing. I’d never flown long haul before. I felt like I’d done it though many times because I’d seen it. I had a huge smile on my face as we made it through into the departure area. And I went for a beer in the same pub that my favorite YouTuber did when he was making a video in that same airport.

There was a big queue to get on the plane. It happened when you went on your family holidays as well. For some reason, everyone stands up and wants to get on first. I’ve never understood that. I’ll wait till the absolute last minute to get on the plane. And when I finally did get on, I was stuck in a middle seat. Don’t get stuck in a middle seat. This was going to be a 7-hour flight to Dubai. And after the first hour, I had had enough.

Any romantic notions I had about long distance international travel were shattered by that experience and the experience of getting off the plane and being led like cattle through Dubai airport, joining queues with everyone else, impatiently putting one foot in front of the other for what seemed like an hour until I finally had the free roam of Dubai’s airport. I didn’t like it. I was very thankful I wasn’t going to be spending any time there.

I was just about ready to have arrived by now, but we still had a 6 hour flight to get to Bangkok. I was lucky that I had a window seat on that flight. And when you’re coming close to getting there within the last 3 or 2 hours that’s when you start to get that buzz of adrenaline and you start to wake up even though you haven’t slept for such a long time.

When the plane touched down on the ground and bounced off and proceeded to do a go around, I had a thought running through my mind like, “Is this meant to be some kind of premonition? Are they trying to tell me something here?” But they came in for a second landing, which was perfect. And we pulled up to the gate, and there always seemed to be that sort of person who stood up long before the plane had come to a stop.

How excited was I? More excited than I’d ever been.

Arrival in Bangkok

And instead of getting carried away, I remembered back to advice that I saw in YouTube videos. Understanding that the immigration queue to get into the country could be in varied states of busyness, he advised to leg it for a lack of a better term to immigration. So, as soon as I got off, I’m walking as fast as I can, almost running, trying to get past everyone else. You’re getting funny looks from people like, “What’s this guy’s problem?” But when you get to immigration and then 10 minutes later there are 200 people behind you that’s what my problem was. YouTube had already helped me. Why is it that in stories I’ve heard and I’ve heard more stories now than you could care to believe the guys that like Thailand, they all seem to describe that first arrival, the first feelings in the country they all seem to describe these in the same way. My feelings were so similar, and I want to share what these were.

As soon as you’re through immigration I was traveling lightly with only a backpack (again, more advice not having to wait for a bag) you proceed next through customs, and you’re there. You’re not yet quite aware of how hot it really is. When you step off the plane, you do feel that burst of heat, but you are surrounded on all sides by the walkway to get off the plane, and they have air conditioning there even though it’s a walkway. Then you’re in the air conditioned airport. And you can see when you get through finally into Thailand you can see Thailand through all the glass walls of the airport. When you step through those revolving doors, that’s when the heat hits you. It was a shock like you’d never felt before. You might have experienced hot days in Spain or wherever. These are nothing like the heat in Thailand. In Thailand, it’s humid as well. And it’s not just a little bit humid. It’s a shock when it hits you. And you know, by the time you get to the taxi, you’re already in need of a change of shirt.

I was going to be staying in Bangkok first, staying at a hotel that my favorite YouTuber stayed at. I gave the address to the taxi driver. His English was reasonable. The first Thai person I’d ever spoken to. And after you’ve spoken to more people, you seem to realize that they all seem to have the same kind of ability. They all say the same things talking about traffic, the temperature, food you know, things like that. And it was difficult to have deep conversations with someone in English who’s Thai. It’s not something you’re likely to experience. If you do run into a Thai person that speaks perfect English, the chances are they’re not the sort of person who wants to speak to you.

Getting to the hotel in the middle of the day. It was on Sukhumvit Soi 4, and even at that time of day, your first glimpses of the famous bars of Thailand felt like you discovered a new element on the periodic table. And at least for me, really, looking out of the window of the taxi into the first bar as you enter the street there are three or four girls there that you almost feel like you’ve already started to fall in love with. I know that might sound like an extreme thing to say, and I suppose it is, but this was my first experience, and to say it is better than I imagined wouldn’t do justice to exactly how excited I was to finally be there.

The hotel was everything you needed from a hotel. They had a pool. The room was basic, but it was clean, and the bed was comfortable. I came to learn that hotels like this were the older ones. And when you’re staying in the more modern hotels, they feel so different from the older ones. The older ones have that Thailand feeling that people always talked about. Yet the modern ones, though, they all seem to be so you know generic. I’ll talk about that later.

Opening the curtains and you’re looking out onto the street my retirement is right in front of me.

The First Bar

I was hesitant to actually go down to the street level, maybe walking in for a beer to one of the bars. I didn’t want to go initially because again, I’m panicking. What happens if it’s not as good as it felt like when we drove onto the street? Then I had to tell myself not to be stupid. But I really had put Thailand on this pedestal. And because I had only experienced Thailand via YouTubers, I felt like it would only take an ever so tiny slip up for that pedestal to wobble over and bring the whole thing crashing down. I remember opening my hotel room door. My hand was visibly shaking like you’re nervous meeting your idol for the first time and I had to steady myself. This is not one hint of an exaggeration. And as I opened the door and made my way to the elevator and down into the lobby, this is it. This is going to be my first time, and I can definitively know if Thailand is the place for me. I was always sure it was going to be, but now I would know for sure.

As soon as you hit the street again, the heat shocks you, and you look around thinking where to go first. There are so many bars and restaurants and massage places. I wanted my first Thailand bar experience to count. So, I went back to that first one that I saw when we finally turned onto the street in the taxi. You had to walk up three or four steps to get in, and I took a seat on the counter overlooking the street, and I ordered a beer Chang. That was my favorite YouTuber’s drink of choice in Thailand, and I couldn’t wait to try it.

The taste of the beer was a bit of a letdown, and after trying the other beers, I vowed to never have a Chang again. But aside from that, I’d been in for 5 minutes and a girl came to sit down. You know how it goes “Nice to meet you. Reach out, shake her hand. My name is. Come from where?” The sort of questions you’re going to be asked in a bar like that.

And that was the best day of my life. Hands down the best day of my life. There wasn’t a day before that, and most definitely there will not be a day after that that could even come close to that first day. And when you’re starting to approach 9 or 10:00 p.m., I’m already thinking that moving my retirement closer is the only logical and sensible thing to do. I’m not wanting another 3 years for this to become a reality. I started thinking like, how could I retire sooner?

Needless to say, I adored Bangkok. It’s not just the bars I was interested in. Far from it. I went on a boat on the river, looked at condos that you could rent, walked around Chinatown. I did all of it or as much of it as I could fit into four days. What an incredible place. It makes you think of London. And although it wasn’t a place I went to very often, you just couldn’t compare the two. Bangkok was vibrant. It was exciting. It was growing. It was booming. And it was full of everything a single, soon to be retired guy could want.

I loved Chiang Mai as well. So very different to Bangkok. Smaller, more intimate nightlife scene, and a very different experience to enjoy. Doi Suthep and looking down onto the city below. I was very tempted to hire a motorcycle, but I was put off by the extreme statistics about road accidents in Thailand. Just my luck I’d end up falling off and not having a very good time of it. But that was four days in Chiang Mai. I didn’t enjoy them as much as the ones in Bangkok, but Chiang Mai felt like the place you might go for a weekend every now and then when you want to go into the mountains and see the nature and the scenery. The scenery was all around the city and some of the best you’ll ever see.

Pattaya 2017

But we need to talk about Pattaya 2017 to be precise. I still watch YouTube even today. Thailand content is my life. And everything I’m seeing in the videos about Pattaya that are there today it’s not like it was in 2017. It was different. So, I’m describing how it was for me in 2017. And I don’t want anyone to hear that and think it’s going to be similar going today because it’s not. I’d flown from Chiang Mai to Bangkok Suvarnabhumi airport, and I owed that little trick to a guy that I met in Chiang Mai. When I told him I was going to Pattaya and it was my plan to get a taxi from the airport and that I was going to book a flight with Air Asia, he looked at me and said, “No, use one of the other airlines that flies to the main airport. It’s a lot closer to Pattaya. You’re probably going to save an hour by doing that.”

When the plane touched down though in Bangkok, and you know you’re going to be there in just over a week flying home that’s a nasty feeling. But I put those thoughts as far to the back of my mind as I could and rushed outside quickly and got a taxi down to Pattaya. It probably only took an hour and a half to get there. The taxi driver was a complete lunatic, weaving in and out of traffic, but you kind of ignore it because, well, you’re in Thailand. If a taxi driver did that in England, you’d be screaming at him, “Slow down, you maniac.” But in Thailand, you sort of welcomed this sense of chaos, this sense of urgency that some people seem to have. They’re just getting on with their day-to-day life. He’s probably made that drive hundreds of times. But it was my first. I was doing it. So, I was prepared to overlook the fact he was driving about 100 miles an hour, talking on his phone with one hand, steering with the other, and every 5 minutes or so turning his head back to say something to me. He was a great guy, but that was a hair-raising trip. What it did mean though was we got to Pattaya in very good time.

Thinking about my first experience of Pattaya knowing that I can never go back. Also knowing that it’s just not the same anymore. I will admit that I still get teary-eyed. Pattaya was like everything you dreamed of. Only the dreams you had made up only 10% of what it was actually like. 90% of what you were seeing around you, you hadn’t even envisioned as being possible. You didn’t think for a second that some of the things you were seeing could even be real. Where had Pattaya been all my life?

My hotel, as I mentioned earlier on, was a more modern one. And while it was a great hotel and it was affordable I can’t complain about the prices it felt a bit out of place for me in Thailand. And you know, let me explain. The hotel I stayed in in Bangkok it blended in so well with the atmosphere of Bangkok. It went together with the other experiences that you were enjoying ever so much. It had a bathtub, the one in Bangkok, and it oozed Thailand. The modern hotel in Pattaya I would probably guess more people would prefer it. For me at least, though, it felt too modern, too generic to have a place in Thailand. I would really like to know if anyone else has those feelings. If you’re going to Thailand and you have the opportunity to try a few different hotels, try an older one. For me, they’re just the epitome of Thailand.

The first thing I liked about Pattaya more than everywhere else was the slight breeze that you felt when you were walking around. That made a big difference, and it made walking around in the day a lot more bearable than in Bangkok. Aside from that, what else did I like about Pattaya? Absolutely everything. I didn’t think I’d be able to take the experience I had in Bangkok and better it, but I could and I had.

And that first day in those bars, I wasn’t prepared to wait until 60 to retire anymore. As far as I was concerned, the time to retire was as soon as I got home, and I could sell everything I had. As soon as I got home, I needed to do it. Pattaya was a place I was going to move to.

Going Home With a New Plan

I thought I hadn’t met anyone yet that I wanted to be serious with. It was always my plan to meet someone age appropriate. But during that first time in Thailand, it was more about enjoying myself than looking for someone. Age appropriateness didn’t even come to mind. When the trip came to an end and I’m flying home, I’m not really sad. I’m excited to get back because I know as soon as I am back, I can start putting things into place to get me back to Thailand as soon as I could. That time it would be for good. I just came to the conclusion that wasting another 3 years at work three more years of missing out on Thailand I wasn’t prepared to make that sacrifice. A thousand days I would have had to have waited, and I wanted to get that down to 10.

When I got home, I’m telling everyone about Thailand, but my plan to move back to Thailand within 10 days I think that was a bit ambitious. But within a week of being back, I put my house up for sale. I started offloading everything I had that I didn’t need. I’m looking at a particular ornament that I’ve had forever. It’s worth a few hundred, and I’m looking at it like, “Why do I have this useless object? This doesn’t help me to live and exist. This doesn’t help me to do anything. I don’t even look at it.” So things like that everything I wanted to get away from. What’s the point of it? All I wanted was enough to fill my suitcase and backpack. If it wouldn’t fit in those two bags, it was going to be got rid of. And I even threw a lot of stuff away that I couldn’t sell. And while I’m wishing that I hit my goal of being back in Thailand within 10 days, I do have to understand that that might be a little excessive. So, I decided that before the end of 2017 that’s when I would go. I made it my mission. By retiring early, I was going to miss out on about £20,000 that I would have saved over those three years. Thinking, you know what? Would I rather have three years or a bit more money? Before I went to Thailand, I would have always chosen the money. But as soon as I knew what it was really like, Thailand was far more important.

Could there have been a point where staying for the money would have been something I would have done? I would have needed at least £50,000 extra for those 3 years to have even considered it.

When I finally got rid of everything by this point, we’re halfway through 2017 and I’d had an offer on my house. There’s nothing in the house anymore. I’m sleeping on a mattress in the living room. The TV’s gone. Everything’s gone apart from my laptop and a suitcase full of clothes. That’s all I’ve got left. My entire life reduced to the size of a suitcase. It was a liberating experience incredibly so. And I was just waiting for my house sale to go through. As soon as it did, I would sell my car, get a visa from the embassy so I could book a one-way ticket. But I hadn’t yet quit my job. I was leaving that to the last minute.

But when the completion date was given for the house, I put in my notice. Everyone was really shocked. I hadn’t brought it up once before, and I just walked in, gave them my notice, and said, “I’m moving to Thailand.” The guy behind the desk in HR just looks up at me like, “You’re moving to Thailand? What on earth for?” And then I’m looking at him like, “You’re the idiot. You’re the one staying here in this trap.”

2 weeks later, the sale went through. I’d already got my visa. The money lands in my account, and I go to sell my car. Afterwards, I’m stood there at the garage when I sold my car. My bags with me and nowhere to go. I pulled up a website to book a flight, hoping and praying that there was one for that very day. There was, but it was a lot more expensive than one that was going the following day. The price was so different. It would have been a lot cheaper to stay in a hotel at the airport and do it that way. But I thought, “F*** it. I’m going to pay an extra £500 and I’m going to go today.” And I did. I booked a taxi that took me to the airport, and I flew back to Thailand a retired man just gone 50, with about £230,000 of savings and a dream that had just come true.

The First Month as a Retiree

My first month as a retiree it’s a bit of a blur today. And while I remember bits and pieces, everything is all jumbled together in one big memory as opposed to lots of little ones. I was just trying to get everything out of my system. I stayed in a hotel for the whole month, and I was out every single day, rain or shine. I’m in the bars, and I’m just so happy to be there. It’s everything I thought retirement was going to be. I went straight to Pattaya. Didn’t bother spending any time in Bangkok. I really did like Bangkok when I was there. But Pattaya it felt like that was one level extra that little bit better than Bangkok.

One thing that did stand out, apart from the bars, drink, and girls, were conversations you’d have with other guys that were there. And you’d ask them, “You on holiday?” And if they weren’t, they’d have to explain to you that they lived there. I was exactly the same. Guy goes into the bar that you’re in, sits on a stool next to you at the bar. “How long you on holiday for?” You have to say almost apologetically “No, I live here. I retired here last month, and I’m never going back. Never going back home.” It felt so great to be able to say that to people. Other guys did it as well. They had to let people know that they were there permanently. Not having people understand that kind of thing felt like your retirement wasn’t working properly. People needed to know that they were on holiday and you were there permanently. It felt great.

After I’d been there for a month, I started looking around at condos. There were so many choices available, but it didn’t feel right in a way having a condo. I wanted to live permanently in a hotel in that moment, but I knew it probably wasn’t the best idea. I also knew it wasn’t healthy to live like this for an extended period of time. I wanted to spend time in Pattaya, but most of all, I wanted to live out in the country somewhere get the best of both worlds.

The hotel I was staying in had a special price 18,000 baht for the month. And while it was only a single room, that included everything electric, water, internet, cleaning the room every day. So, I decided to do that. If I rented a condo for 12,000, then you add in your internet and all the bills, you’re probably going to be paying the same. Plus, you had to leave a deposit, which wasn’t ideal for me because I wanted to take things day by day, month by month. I wanted to make split-second decisions at the drop of a hat and not lose money because of it.

After the first month, I knew it was time to calm down. As much as I didn’t want to, I did still have self-control, and I started going out less. I joined dating sites and I went to other places to try to meet people. I always thought the single life was good, but it’s only good when you’re doing something all the time. For me, at least, when you start to take it easy when you start to wake up and have the whole day to do nothing you start to get lonely very quickly. So, I really hoped I could find the perfect girl. I was looking for someone 40 plus. I’d already mentioned earlier on age appropriate, and I thought that would give me the best chance of success.

Meeting Her

When I met this girl who was 42 and I started spending more time with her, I think I made a great decision by going for someone who wasn’t too young. I met her in a bar. It was one of the bars at the side of Pattaya that I didn’t usually go to. I was a creature of habit. As soon as I found something I liked, I wanted to continue with it. But as always, when you start to settle down, you try to you know do something different and go somewhere else. And the occasional bar visit you allowed yourself, you wanted to make it count. That’s where I met her. The usual story. I’d heard it so many times. She had one child who was 20, one who was 15. She’d been working in Pattaya for 5 years because you guessed it she had problems with her ex who had just up and left one day, not so much as a goodbye. She was working to put her youngest child through school, and her eldest was going to university. But she didn’t seem to be the sort of person who fit in at a place like this working at a bar like that. She didn’t seem like someone who you’d imagine doing it. Although she’d worked there for 5 years, the things she did and the way she spoke was as though she’d only just started working there recently.

I’d been around the block by this point. I’d had lots of conversations, and I suppose different people pick up on different things. I’m picking up on the fact that I believe that although she works in a bar, it’s not the same as the other girls I’ve spoken to. And I came to that conclusion based on the conversations we had, the things she said, and the things she did. For a lack of a better word, I thought she was perfect.

I know the game. She works in a bar. She makes money. If she’s with me, I would need to be where she got money from. But how was that different to how it used to be when I lived with my ex-wife? She didn’t work. She looked after the children. Didn’t go to work at all. How is it different? But I think she could tell that I liked her because I kept going back to the bar all the time. And I wanted to get her to move in with me. I think she said yes so easily because, well, she was already 42. Not the typical sort of age that guys are interested in when they’re going somewhere like that. So, the fact that I was interested in her it seemed at least to me like she thought that being with me would be great for her and her family.

So, she moved into the hotel I was living in. I’m just testing the water for the first 3 months, 4 months even. We’re still in the hotel. We’re going out and doing the odd occasional tourist thing not very often but we go out to eat and we’d go for drinks occasionally. But now that I’m with her, we’re not going to the tourist places. We’re going to all the local places where you find yourself spending less money. If anything, it’s more exciting when you’re going to places like that. But if I was single, the tourist places were the only places that I would even consider going.

She would occasionally get a call come through. I think it might be from a guy that she met previously, but she was always open and honest with me. She would speak on speakerphone with them and tell them, “I found somebody now.” She did that, so I took that as being a good sign.

Four months of being in that hotel and we are starting to get a bit cramped. But I was still winding down the holiday mode version of my retirement. At this point, I’d already fallen for her. So, I asked her to marry me get a firmer connection to Thailand and stay together a bit longer. Maybe we can start on the next level of our journey and get a house in the countryside.

Getting Married

I’m still watching people on YouTube even though I’m in Thailand. More channels are cropping up, and people building houses and showing what that process is like up in Isan. My wife happened to be from there as well. I like the idea of a quiet life interspersed with a wild weekend in Pattaya or a mountain getaway in Chiang Mai. That’s what I always thought about. Maybe we could start something together. I’d seen guys talking about things that they’ve done pig farms, growing crops and I’ve seen people talk about everything. That was just up my street. It’s not that I wanted to make a living from this. It was just something to do to enjoy and feel a deeper connection to where we were.

The first time that saw me going to the place where my wife was from, I felt like the first time I went to Thailand. It was exciting. Seeing videos about it, you sort of have ideas about what it’s like. But when you get there and you’re on the ground, it’s so different. Some of the things take a bit of getting used to, but her family seemed okay. We talked about getting married, and I would have to pay for the ceremony, but they said that because she was 42, they didn’t expect me to pay sin sod. But they did ask if I could take some money out of the bank and buy some gold and we could just show it for people to look at, and as soon as the ceremony was over, they would give it back to me.

We planned to go to Chiang Mai for a week and then come back. But the village I did really love it. I really did. And I could tell my wife loved being there. Her youngest child seemed to be happy to see her, and it was nice being introduced to her. Her parents were getting a bit old, but it was everything I thought it would be and then some. It was like a step on the way a step on the way to even firmer ties to Thailand.

We leave for Chiang Mai and we spend a few days there. Then we go back to the village. I did as promised. I took some money out and I bought some gold. I took out 200,000 baht and I bought two baht of gold. My girlfriend seems to be very happy. She keeps talking about how she can’t believe she found me. She can’t believe how lucky she is. And we did the ceremony in the village. It’s very strange what they do, for me at least where they tie strings around your wrist and monks come over and start splashing water around. But I am loving it. It’s so different. Such a different culture. But I’m thriving on it. I’m thriving on how different it actually is. We’ve got people getting drunk at the wedding, dancing around what a crazy time it was. But as promised, the family returned the money and the gold. I thought that was a good sign, and we went back to Pattaya and got married on paper.

The dream I had to find someone to settle down that had come true as well. My life seems to be moving only in the right direction.

Planning the Move to Isan

We returned to the same hotel, and now after we married, we’re just running the motions. Halfway through 2018, that was when we started talking about moving to Isan. When we were there, I saw an example of a house that I could build. It cost about £40,000. I’d probably need to spend about 15 or so to get it to a standard that I would be comfortable living in. But even so £55,000 and I could live there forever. I worked out if I lived there for 20 years, that would be £2,750 a year. I couldn’t rent somewhere as good as that for that price for 20 years. That was my reasoning. Plus, we could start to do things start living life. I always wanted to do something like that, and I always looked forward to travel to other parts of the country. My wife thought it was the best idea ever, as you’d expect. I did expect that. She always talked about how much she missed where she came from.

After only a month of being in Pattaya after getting married, I quickly realized that being in a relationship somewhere like Pattaya is pointless. You don’t go to Pattaya to be in a relationship. And of course, I didn’t plan to live there forever. Because of this, I knew it was time to start putting things in place and start getting our house built. I bought a car a Nissan Navara pickup big four wheel drive, and we headed off. Left Pattaya for Isan. Leaving Pattaya, going on for this whole new adventure with my wife, who I was feeling was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Knowing that Pattaya is only going to be about an 8 hour drive away, I couldn’t have been more happy. Retirement is everything I thought it was going to be.

And on the drive, we’re chatting about all kinds of things. 10 minutes away from downtown was where the house was going to be. That’s where her village was. And she starts talking about wanting to open a small shop selling clothes in a big mall there. It’s because of that that I don’t want to tell you which town I’m talking about. But if you start narrowing down which towns or cities in Isan have big malls in, then there aren’t many places to choose from. But I liked her sense of work ethic. She kept saying she wanted to help support us. She wanted to do something for us. And because she was married to me, she felt so lucky that she was finally able to do something for herself. The only reason she didn’t do anything before was because she didn’t have any money to be able to do it. She never said it was because she wasn’t able to. It was just down to not having money.

While she’s talking about wanting to open a shop, I’m talking about wanting to get a few pigs, maybe a cow, a few ducks and chickens for eggs. I’m not wanting a big farming operation. I’m not thinking about trying to make money from this just something to do as a hobby.

Finding Land

But first things first, we need to find some land. I’ve spoken to at least four different guys when I was in Pattaya who were living my dream spending a bit of time in Pattaya and having their countryside house for normal day to day living. There seemed to be a common occurrence, a common thing that people said they would change if they could do the whole thing again. All those guys all of them admitted that they built their house too close to the village, too close for comfort to her family or things like that. And if they had their chance again, they’d have built a house at least out of walking distance. I took things like this to heart. One guy says that he bought some land that sounded like a good price for his wife, and then he found out that this land that they bought didn’t have a proper title no recourse. I had learned all sorts of things that people had done, and I didn’t want to make the same mistakes.

We find a hotel in the main town that gave us a good price for a monthly stay. We planned to just pay for a month. Then when another month came around, we’d pay again. This was another old school hotel, and it was great but it sort of strengthens my argument that all the hotels in Thailand that feel like you want them to feel were generally older. The day after arriving, we drive to her village. I wanted to time it from the center of town. So, we set off in the morning just after rush hour, and it only took us 13 minutes to get there. And that’s driving well within the speed limits. If you were in a rush, I bet you could have done it in under 10. In rush hour, it might take a bit longer maybe 20 to 25 minutes but we’re not going to have any reason to travel during rush hour because I’m retired.

The village was quite big, and I bet as time went on, it would eventually be absorbed by the city proper. And after having lunch with her family we brought with us some giant prawns and squid, and they made the sauce but after that, we start looking for land. We were shown a perfect piece of land, but it didn’t meet the requirements. You could walk to her parents’ house from the land in only 3 minutes. It was too close. And we sort of resorted to going and seeing land that we liked and seeing if people wanted to sell it. People never seemed to want to sell their land unless you paid them more than it was worth or they had to pay off some form of debt. People hated selling land in Thailand. If you picture the village, there’s already a 7 Eleven in it in the center and a small row of shops on one side of the road, all joined together. On the other side of the road, you’ve got a big government office. And then a bit further down, there’s more shops along the road on the other side. And then a bit further down again, you’ve got a big petrol station. Dotted around, you’ve got lots of houses, a few restaurants, and a few more shops. And, of course, an awful lot of land.

A family lived 5 minutes away from the middle of the village in what seemed to be an even smaller village of about 20 houses. Perhaps calling the actual village a village may have sounded better if I called it a town, but it was on that road that led out of the village or town, whatever you want to call it that took you to the main city. We did see a “for sale” sign on one piece of land that was adjoining the road about 2 minutes closer to the city. I was ecstatic when I saw that, and my wife called them and asked how much it was. When they said 2 million baht, I was very let down. I thought that was extremely expensive. But then they said that that was per rai, and they had four 8 million baht. That wasn’t going to happen. How was it 8 million baht for this piece of land on the road? Just behind that land down a track, there was a smaller plot for sale that currently had sweet potatoes growing on it. They wanted to sell it quickly to pay off some debts. It was just under half a rai. They wanted 250,000 baht. We checked the electric supply was close by there was a line running past. We checked the paper. It was good. Everything was good. And it was just far enough away from her family that seeing them on a daily basis wouldn’t be a thing. And it was not too far away from the city, which would be perfect for my wife cuz she wanted to open that shop.

We offered them 200 for a quick sale with cash. They said 225, and we bought it. It wasn’t yet suitable to build on, and I hadn’t taken into consideration just how much it would cost to make it suitable to build on and how long it would take. That was my first mistake. Hang on the first mistake was being there in the first place, but I didn’t know that yet.

6 months later, after coming to terms with the fact we needed to wait this long and a few months of annoyance of waiting 200,000 baht on dirt to fill the land in and elevate it to a suitable level finally, we were ready to build.

Building the House

Around the start of 2019, the house is coming together, but I’m finding I have to be there all the time just to keep an eye on it. You ask them to put tiles on the wall in a certain way, and they do it wrong and completely ignore you. So, you have to go and ask them again. All kinds of things like that. So, you really need to make sure you keep an eye on what they’re doing. You always take them some beers in the evenings and be friendly with them. But it was quite difficult to deal with. And my wife had a really laissez faire attitude like “don’t worry about it. It’ll be like it’ll be.” It was a big worry when it came in high over budget. It wasn’t the actual building that came over budget. It was everything I wanted to put in it. I’ll admit I didn’t do research into how much things actually cost like a western kitchen or a high quality table and chairs. I thought that you know the house is a lot cheaper than the equivalent house would be in England. I just thought a kitchen would be a lot cheaper than an equivalent kitchen in England. That is not the case. Definitely not the case. And while the build cost we’d expected about £40,000 came in only £2,000 over that, the £15,000 I budgeted for everything else was blown through the roof.

I guess I could have spent less, but I wasn’t prepared to compromise. I could have probably spent an awful lot less and things would have nearly been the same maybe 80% the same or even 85% the same. But this is a place where I was going to spend the rest of my life, and I wanted it to be exactly like I wanted it. So I spent £12,000 on a perfect kitchen, £4,000 on a table and four chairs and you get the idea. Probably about £35,000 nearly was the price we spent on everything inside. So that was way more.

I was a bit concerned that I’d spent so much including the car and everything I’d spent probably half my money by now, and I wasn’t expecting that. But I knew that it wasn’t going to be the end of the world yet. Living costs would be a lot lower, and in seven or eight years’ time I would have my state pension, so it shouldn’t be a problem.

I thought when we moved in and you know, it felt like the culmination of my life’s work. You think about all the time you put in at work. Those extra hours you did for an extra £30. The mornings when you were driving in the freezing cold 30 minutes on the motorway to get to work. All this you think about, and you think it’s worth it now because I’ve got my dream house. I’ve got my dream wife, and it’s nothing really more than I could want.

We had a big party to celebrate moving in. All the family came round, and they even brought little gifts and things. Not a lot you know, like a six pack can of condensed milk that they liked very, very cheap things. But it’s the thought that counted. And the first morning, waking up and not having to do anything it was like everything I’d always dreamed of for decades. And I was happy. And I thought that’s how I’d always feel.

I still had over £100,000. And yeah, that should be more than enough to last me until I got my pension. The first month was great. I’m happy. My wife’s happy. And there’s nothing to indicate that in only a few short years I’d be gone and everything would have gone to hell.

The Shop

But that’s when my wife started talking about the shop she wanted to open. If you’ve been in malls in Thailand, you’ll know the type of thing I’m talking about. They have a few floors, and on one of the floors, they’ve got lots of little small shops next to each other. They’re not the big chain ones that you see operating from prime locations in the malls. These are where the small sellers can sell things. It was 20,000 baht a month to rent a shop in there. And it wasn’t right at the front, but it was down a little walkway but she thought it was great. She wanted to sell clothes and maybe shoes and makeup.

And I gave her some money to set it up about £10,000. That was mainly for stock, and she rented it, bought all the stock, and opened. I had to buy her a car so that she could drive there every day. And because the mall opened at 11:00, it’s not like she had to wake up early. But she got a Nissan March.

Initially, she started making a few sales, but after the first month, she’d made enough to cover the rent and maybe a few hundred baht a day profit. But it felt like not much money for working all that time. But she said she was enjoying it, and she persevered. I gave her another £5,000 so she could get more stock that she could sell. But after 3 months, she got bored of it. It wasn’t making the money she thought. And I wasn’t really overly concerned. I thought she’d just sell off what was left and give me the money back.

That’s not what happened. She did sell everything that was left, but she couldn’t somehow work out that that money from the stock wasn’t her profit. That was mine, and I needed it back. But she was adamant that she was keeping it for all the hard work she’d done. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that that’s not how it worked. I couldn’t work out her mentality. But it was one of those things, and she got £15,000 out of it. Oh, and the money for the car.

What it did mean though was that I told her: if you do anything else and it doesn’t work like this, you have to give me the money back. And then she understood that next time that would have to be the case. I still don’t understand how those shops there made any money. Or perhaps they didn’t or they didn’t make much. She didn’t make it work.

The Car Selling Disaster

She said that she didn’t need the car anymore and she’d sell it. And she knew she’d have to give me the money back. So, she listed it for sale. And someone came to buy it not long after. She sold it for 215,000 baht. That was a 15,000 baht profit on the car. The worst thing to ever happen to me because now she thought she could buy and sell cars. I wasn’t expecting that to happen. Just accept that you’ve been lucky with this and move on. But no, she wanted to go and buy another car and do the same thing. She kept the 15,000 baht profit. She said it was hers for buying and selling it. And although I was hesitant at first and kept saying, “Can you just buy another car and sell that?” I gave her 200,000 baht and left it to her. A few days later, she appears in this beaten up old BMW. “I only paid 170,000 for this,” she said. I looked at it and well, I don’t know. When you were driving behind it, it was crabbing, so obviously it had been in an accident. The gearbox made an awful noise, and the power steering wasn’t working. The air conditioning wasn’t working. But she said it’ll be fine easy to fix. She knew nothing about cars. She just bought one and sold one and it was lucky made a bit of money. But now it was her intention to do that and make a fortune.

She talked about knowing someone in the village who could fix cars. So she took it to him, and he fixed the air conditioning, put other bits and pieces right and yeah, she spent 40,000 baht on fixing it. She wouldn’t admit that it was a complete lemon. It was in some kind of acceptable state. But bear in mind that you often see cars listed like that in Thailand for less than 100,000 baht, and you can pick them up sometimes for 70,000 these really old 3-series BMWs. When she goes and puts it for sale for 240,000, she thought she was going to sell it. And when it didn’t sell, the idea of putting the price down to get rid of it was a sacrilegious thing to do.

That’s one of the things that doesn’t make sense to me in Thailand. People don’t seem to drop the price of something when it doesn’t sell. They’ll hold on to it, and instead of reducing the price, the thing will be reducing in value, but the price will stay the same. And unfortunately, she was no different. I showed her different listings of similar cars selling for less than half she was trying to get for it, but she just kept saying it was different. So, I just let it be.

I did agree to give her another 300,000 baht so she could get another one. I don’t know why I did that. 300,000 baht the first time and again another 300,000 baht. I’m just reasoning that perhaps I don’t know what I’m doing here, and at least she’s keeping busy and enjoying herself. I just told her I’m giving you this on the condition that you don’t buy something like this again.

When COVID started and she’s got three cars sat there and she’s trying to sell none of them are selling. She’s not concerned because she sees those cars sat there as being valued at what she thinks they’re worth. As far as she was concerned, there was 1.2 million baht of cars outside, whereas the cars were probably worth half of that, if that. But it was when this was going on that I noticed my money is starting to drop. And with the onset of the pandemic, that’s when I started to think, “Hang on, maybe my money can’t stretch until I get my pension.”

And instead of cutting back like I should have done that’s what I should have done I should have done that, but I didn’t. I work out a budget and stick to it. But for whatever reason that I can’t understand why, I kind of just doubled down. It almost felt like something had to work now just to make sure I had enough money to last until my pension came. And that’s when everything started to go really wrong.

The Downward Spiral

For a start, it’s COVID, so the chance of her selling one of those cars is a lot lower. We can’t easily go and visit other places in Thailand at the moment, at least. But I need to do something to supplement my income now. I thought about having farm animals as a hobby, and I knew that wasn’t a good idea if I wanted to do it for a business. So, that was a non-starter. But it was my wife, if anything, who wanted even more than me to do something. And I admired her grit and determination. If I look at it, if we didn’t do anything else and we stuck to a tight budget, I could have probably just made it work. Just. But my wife didn’t want to do that. I honestly thought that I could improve our position. She thought we could improve it, not make it worse.

She said, “Why don’t you go and teach English or something?” Definitely not. I’m not doing that. I didn’t want to work because I was retired, but I was happy to invest in something if it could just give us a little bit of extra money you know, 20,000 baht extra a month. That’s all.

That’s when my wife had the idea of buying things that farmers had grown and then taking them to the market and selling them. You always saw pickup drivers coming in and taking off a load of whatever it is that someone had grown, taking it to the market or driving it to Bangkok. And she said that she could do something like that. She said we’d need a pickup to be able to do that. The one I had was a four door one, so it wasn’t suitable. There wasn’t enough room in the back. But we were able to find a pickup for 300,000 baht that seemed to be in a good condition. It would work perfectly.

We didn’t buy this straight away. She’d already gone and spoken to people who were growing things. I’m not talking about rice here. I’m talking about things like fruits and vegetables that people might have one or two rai of. She speaks to them, and they agree that she can come and buy them when they’re ready. So, it’s all sorted. She’s doing a lot of traveling around in the local area, speaking to different farmers and trying to get contacts and saying that she’ll give them the best price everything like that.

And when the farmer called her and said, “My crop’s ready,” she went to go and pick it up and buy them. Yet the person who bought the last crop is there, and this started a big argument. “I buy things from here,” this guy keeps telling her. “I’ve been buying from him for a long time.” But yet the farmer didn’t want him to buy it anymore. And you know how it is in Thailand things like this this guy thinks he’s done it before, so it’s his right to be able to do it again. My wife is getting quite worried and not wanting to cause a scene or an argument. So, she comes back 20 minutes later saying someone else is buying it. I can’t really say anything anymore. I mean, what can I say?

When the Money Ran Out

But that happened so many times. And although she did start to stand her ground a bit, at the end of the day, it was the farmer’s choice who the farmer sold things to. She didn’t like that way about the business and the competition and things like that. And then when she buys things, she takes a stab at the price and gets it wrong. And then she’s driving this pickup full of papaya or whatever all the way down to Bangkok and comes back and she’s lost 30,000 baht.

That was when I realized I was in way too deep. Things that I thought were common sense and obvious to her were things that would not even appear as a split second thought in her mind. But it was too late now. I definitely didn’t have enough money to last till retirement or till my pension came. I mean, and I’m starting to worry. I’m really starting to worry because I kept trying. The only thing I could do now was keep trying. I needed to keep trying because if I didn’t, the money would keep reducing and the years would not get me to pension.

Throughout COVID, things just got worse and worse. She’s trying all sorts of things, and I’m putting my trust into her that it’s going to work. Yet, it never does. She just keeps losing money. And even though she’s losing money, the only thing I can think to do is to keep trying in the hopes that she can start to make money. Nothing worked.

And then to add insult to injury, when the money is running very low, she starts to blame me, saying it’s my fault that we lost this money because I kept asking her to do things. That’s completely false. How did she say that? She was the one who wanted to do things originally. I put my trust and money behind her, yet she failed.

I’d run out of money. Then she blamed me, and it’s like a downward spiral, and I’m starting to think that I’m not going to be able to stay here. At this point, I might have had £20,000 left. Probably 2022. I was 62, and my pension wasn’t due for at least 5 years.

The Last Attempt

That’s how quickly things go downhill. The first thing goes wrong and you don’t worry about it so much, thinking something will work eventually. Then the second thing goes wrong and you’re thinking that’s unlucky, but better luck next time. But this keeps happening, and then it’s like you’re falling off a cliff. That’s the only way I can describe it. It’s completely like you’re falling off a cliff. At the end, you’re getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff, but you haven’t fallen off yet. So, you still think like you can make something work or something’s going to go right for a change. But I kept moving closer to the cliff.

And when I had that £20,000 that was in the bank and that was it the next step I had to take led me over the edge. Everything was in my wife’s name even my pickup. And because I’d come to the realization that I’m no longer going to be able to stay in Thailand unless something works, I still held out hope though that she might be able to earn just a little bit of money just to stretch me until I got the pension. I was prepared to have one last hurrah one last go and I bought her a small cart that you see on the streets in Thailand where people sell things from. She was going to be selling noodles.

And although she was making a little bit of money from it I’d probably given her about 10% of what I had left she was making a little bit of money. But when the time came to pay the electric bill or the water bill or the internet bill, she’s not wanting to use the money that she’s earning to pay for it.

That was when I understood. It was when that happened that I came to the understanding that the dream was over and none of it was ever real. She might have only made 8,000 baht in a month, but that could have paid for lots of the bills. That would have extended my time. That would have got me closer to where we needed to be. But she didn’t want to use it.

COVID was coming to an end, but I always wish it wasn’t. I’d got about £15,000, and that’s it. And at this point, I don’t love my wife anymore. I loathed her existence. It wasn’t the fact that she thought she could buy and sell cars and she couldn’t. Wasn’t the fact that she thought she could open a shop and sell clothes and makeup and she couldn’t. Wasn’t the fact that she thought she could buy fruit and vegetables and sell them and make a profit and she couldn’t. It was when she finally found something that made a small amount of money that I was fully responsible for investing in it was when she wouldn’t use that money that she earned to pay the bills.

Leaving Thailand

That was when everything I felt for her completely vanished, and we started having massive arguments all the time. Then she kept saying things like, “You want me to go out all day and sell noodles, and then you want the money?” That’s not how I saw it. I wanted her to use that money to pay our bills so that I could extend my stay until I got my pension, and I’d be okay. But she didn’t see it that way no matter what I said.

It was because of that that I had no choice but to leave. I left everything behind. I left with £15,000. Not much to do anything with. But what I did do was have one last hurrah in Pattaya. I allowed myself 10,000 of those pounds because I wouldn’t be going to Thailand again. Everything I dreamed of had just fallen apart. My own stupidity.

When we built the house, if I didn’t do anything if I didn’t let my wife do anything I would still be there now on track to get my pension. I could have done that, but I didn’t. I went out with a bang, though. Enjoyed Pattaya for the last time.

Back to England

My wife does call me a few times. She’s still my wife, but it’s the realization that she’s got this house and she’s got things, and she doesn’t want to sell the cars to help or anything. She wants to sell them for a profit. And if she can’t do that, she’s not interested in listening. So, I just blocked her. I didn’t speak to her.

I got back to England and got on the waiting list for a house, staying between friends in the meantime and not close friends. It was very awkward. I contacted a lawyer in Thailand, and that’s where we are at the moment. I should still be getting my pension in a few years. It’s not going to be as much as I wanted it to be, but I’ll be able to do something with it. Probably be enough to live in Thailand in that house, but I can’t bear the thought of having to spend any more time with that lady who is still my wife. But I am trying to get that sorted out and hope to get some money back out of it. Hopefully, she hasn’t sold everything, taken the money, and spent it because then there’s no chance. But we can only see.

And I bet after listening to this, you can fully understand why I think it would have been better if I wasn’t even born. A life’s work ruined by my own stupid decisions and the unrealistic expectations of a woman that I placed on a level playing field to me.