Trying To Save A Thai Bar Girl
I’d like to share my story because I was one of them guys that sadly thought I found a girl that was different from the rest, and stupidly thought I could save her.
Thailand can be a wild trip, it’s exciting, and the night life and things people get up to…let’s be honest, it’s the reason a lot of people book their flights in the first place.
I don’t really need to go into what can happen there, im sure you have all heard the stories before or experienced it yourself, there are millions of stories out there the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The thing is with these stories, we only hear the guys side of it, how he was scammed and lead to believe he was in a relationship and what not.
Most of the time, it’s not even a scam, the men should know what is really going on.
We never hear the side from the woman who is actually living this life, we don’t know anything about what she has been through or what goes on in her life outside of the bar.
The Reality for Bar Girls
When guys go to Thailand for a holiday, specifically for the night life and the women, its not like we stop and think about what these women go through and what has lead them to work in this industry.
Most guys that go for a 2 week holiday and meet a girls there, they just want to have fun, it’s just a big game for them and an adventure.
Something to talk about when he gets back home.
But for the women? Their world and life are completely different.
When he goes home, he carries on with his life, but she has to go back to the bar and rinse and repeat.
The Forgotten Lives After the Holiday Ends
Let’s face it, when most of us leave Thailand, we don’t keep in touch with the women we have met there, and it never crosses our mind about what they are doing with their lives.
Even guys that actually live in Thailand and have a regular girl they see, rarely do they know much about her life outside of their meetups and drinking in the bar together.
They might think they know all about her but really they don’t, they have no idea about the stuggles or why she is doing this line of work.
For them, it’s just some girl they meet up with at the weekend, spend a bit of money on, have a good time and then see each other again next weekend.
I am not ashamed to say, I have spent many years in this scene, been a bar goer for a long time and became friends and more with quite a few of the bar girls.
Why These Girls End Up in the Nightlife
A common theme to why these girls do what they do and end up deep in Thailand nightlife industry has a lot to do with the Thai males in their lives and their families.
If you talk to any of these girls 90% of them will tell you that they are from Isan, had a kid with the first boyfriend they had, he walked out on them and left her with the responsibly of being a single mother.
Then one way or other, the girls parents will take care of the child while she goes off to find work in the busy cities, and that is how they end up working in the bars, to send money back home.
She carries the burden of taking care of her parents and children, even if it means doing a job she never imagined for herself.
Not every girl is in the bars willingly, some really do have no choice, and without an education and a university degree it’s difficult to get the most basic of jobs in Thailand.
The Younger Girls and the Illusion of Fun With Farangs
As for the younger ones, a lot of them like the lifestyle, money, having fun with friends, it’s an adventure to them as well.
But doing it every night for months and end soon catches up with them and the fun lifestyle fizzles out.
Sorry if I bored you with that introduction, but I just wanted the listeners to get a feel for how I felt and what I got myself into.
So let’s start my story with an introduction to this girl.
For my story I will name her Joi, because at one point she did bring Joy into my life.
The Night I Met Joi On Soi Cowboy
She is Someone who just stood out to me one night as she walked through Soi Cowboy.
There was something about her, something that caught my attention beyond anything else.
I was just sat at one of the bars there, people watching, and then when she walked by I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
On the surface, she looked like she belonged there.
She knew how to play the role, how to carry herself, the way so many others do.
We made eye contact and I signaled her over, I asked “Do I know you from somewhere” just to break the ice.
I invited her in for a drink but she said she was going to work at a bar at the end of soi cowboy but I could join her in half an hour once she got ready if I wanted to.
It was a no brainer for me, I sat there nursing my drink for 30 minutes then off I went to see her.
Joi’s Bargirl Backstory
She had a similar story to the girls I mentioned earlier, she had a kid that her mum looked after and she worked to support them, the only difference is, is that her mum and daughter lived in Bangkok and not Isan.
Like many other girls I have spoken too, Joi planned to leave the scene as soon as she could,
You hear it a lot from these girls that they are only working there to make enough money and then are going to go back home, but that rarely happens. Trapped by the money, the routine, or simply the lack of better options.
the only difference this time is that I actually believed Joi, and would be my first mistake.
There was something different about her, so I thought, she just seemed like she really did believe this would be temporary and shed leave as soon as she could.
She told me that she had only worked on Soi Cowboy for a few months, and from what I could find out, that was actually true.
Getting Closer to Thai Bar Girl Could End Badly
Weeks went by after our first meeting and we actually got pretty close to the point where I was encouraging her and helping her take a different path in life.
She did try and play the game a bit with me at start, the odd request for small amounts of money to pay this bill or that bill, but nothing major.
I don’t know why but at that time I felt like I could save her from this life, I never felt like that before but now I know what it means when people make fun of others for saying my girl is different.
The more time we spent together, the more I learnt about her life and goals.
We had been talking for a few days about how she can get out of that scene and still earn money, eventually going back to university which was the end goal for her.
Slowly but surely, she did start taking steps in the right direction.
My Time Together With A Thai Girl Was Insane
Since I met Joi, life was pretty wild and crazy with her, we would see each other every weekend and sometimes in the week, either going somewhere and getting a hotel or just going out and having fun.
She was 10 years younger than me and still had a lot of partying in her, me on the other hand, ive seen it all before and got the t-shirt, so im easily pleased with a bottle of wine in the hotel.
She did like to have a drink but she was one of them people that got extremely annoying after drinking.
So when we used to go out, we wouldn’t have much before we called it a night and headed back to the hotel.
Joi’s New Job (Or So I Thought)
Anyway, one weekend before we settled in for the night, Joi had something she wanted to tell me—her soon-to-be new workplace.
To my surprise she told me she was leaving the go go bar job in Soi cowboy, she was going to be a waitress.
It was all part of the promise she had made to me, that she was done with that lifestyle.
I know being a waitress does not pay well but I believed that she wanted to do this because she couldn’t stand working in the bars.
She was trying to turn a new leaf, and I wanted to believe she could do it.
She wanted to get some proper qualifications, find a stable job, and finally break free from the cycle that trapped so many girls in the nightlife industry.
I was proud of her, she was trying and this was a step in the right direction.
Offering To Help A Bargirl With A Place To Live
The next step was finding her a place to live, somewhere actually nice and not a room with 10 of her bar friends cramped into it.
She had a couple of areas in mind for her new place—Sukhumvit Soi 11, where rooms went for around 8,000 baht a month and a cheaper area in On nut.
So, we started with the budget option and headed over to On Nut BTS.
There was another problem with Joi, she still dressed like a bar girl, even though she did not realize it.
But anyone, especially foreigners that looked at us together, it would scream bargirl and customer.
She was still wearing her short black skirt that she wore the night before when we went out, you can imagine the type of looks we got.
So that was the next step I had in mind for her, show her how to stop looking like a bar girl and look more like a normal girl.
The Apartment Hunt On Sukhumvit
Anyway, we found some places in Onnut that were fairly cheap, but we could not get hold of the landlord from the number provided.
So next step, we headed to Sukhumvit soi 11 to see if they still had places available.
We headed right to the back of soi 11 where there were a lot of condo blocks, we found one being advertised for 8,000 baht per month, nice looking place and decent area.
Problem was it was only about 10 in the morning and the landlord wouldn’t be around until 4pm, we did not want to wait around for him.
Walking back, one of jois friends called her, when joi told her we were looking for apartments her friend suggested a place that she knew
Apparently, this place was nearby where she could get a room immediately. No waiting, no hassle.
That sounded promising, This one was closer to Asoke, still … a solid location.
The New Home
When we got there, the landlady was waiting for us which was a good sign straight away, and she spoke fluent English which is always a plus.
She shown us around the room and even though they were not up to my westernized standards they were still pretty decent, especially for a single Thai girl.
The rooms came with Wi-fi and cable TV at only 5,000 a month, which was a bargain and very much in Jois price range.
Even though I thought the rooms were pretty decent for a Thai, Joi had the final say, luckily she preferred this new place too.
She liked that it looked clean and fresh from the outside.
So we told the landlady we’d be back to finalize everything.
Meeting A Bargirls Family
Now that job was done, finding her a place, it was time for the next step in our relationship or whatever you want to call it.
I did not really class it as a relationship yet, but I guess we were more than friends at that point.
Joi had been telling me for a few days that she wanted me to meet her daughter, but she was pretty ashamed of where her daughter and mother lived.
She told me that where she used to live with her mother was a very poor area and never wanted to take me there.
She thought that if I saw the state of the place I would run a mile.
So off we went to meet her daughter, bear in mind this is the first time I would be meeting any of her family.
The Harsh Reality Of A Bargirls Past
Her little girl was staying with Joi’ mother and much younger sister
Joi had been living in Bangkok with her mother for the past seven years, but things had gone south between them when she started working in a bar.
Her mother didn’t approve, and after one too many arguments, Joi decided she needed to find her own place.
Although her mother did not approve of her daughter working in the bar, she didn’t seem to mind accepting money she made from her Job.
Once we got there, I was expecting it to be a small room where there is like 10 other people, just how Joi lives now with her go go friends all in one room.
However, nothing could prepare me for seeing how her mother lived.
As the taxi turned off the main road, I felt like we were driving straight into a demolition site.
There was rubble everywhere, and a few makeshift houses—the kind you see under bridges and other very poor areas.
One of those was Joi’ home.
The Way Some Thai’s Live Is Crazy Poor
Let me tell you, gentlemen—when you see these bar girls, these supposed beautiful goddesses in their glamorous dresses, draped in makeup and smiles, it’s easy to believe in the illusion —it’s all part of the show.
They may look the part while they are out at work, but the state of some of the places they live is actually insane.
It goes back to when I was saying that people really have no idea the background of these girls and what they have to go back home to when their customer leaves.
The Financial Struggle in Thailand
Back home in our countries, when we say we are broke, it just means that we need to cut back on spending a bit, or maybe push our next holiday back at few months.
But in Thailand when they say they are broke, it means they have 100 baht in their pocket and have no idea what they are going to do tomorrow.
I have noticed this is why Thai people are not very good with money, most of them live for today and have never been taught how to save money.
They are not good with responsibility when it comes to saving money for a rainy day.
And those girls that have deadbeat Thai husbands or boyfriends that have never worked a day in their life, a lot of the time money will go to them, leaving the girls with not much for themselves.
If they have a child that is being looked after by family, which 90% of them do, then money will also go to them.
So, some of the girls do make good money at work but it’s soon gone.
And those that do not make good money at work, well, I feel sorry for them because they have nothing.
The Living Conditions Of Some Thais Is Diabolical
Anyway back to Jois house where her daughter is staying.
Well, I can’t really call it a house, it’s more like a shack.
It was like a self made little room, put together with scrap wood and metal sheets, with sewage running behind it.
Me, you or probably anybody listening to this could never live there, it was really something heartbreaking to see and to add to that, there were 4 people living inside this shack, 2 of them being young.
There was no bed. Just a thin mat on the floor.
No couch, no table, no chairs. The only furniture was a couple of old cupboards where her mother kept clothes and a few other belongings.
The Turning Point, Saving A Bar Girl
Again, the savior complex came over me and this was the turning point for me and Joi.
We left her old place behind and took her daughter—an absolute sweetheart of a kid, by the way and we headed to Tesco Lotus.
I wanted to buy Joi a housewarming gift and the fact that the apartment came with cable TV but no TV, I decided to buy her that.
Just so she and her daughter had a little bit of entertainment when they were home.
While shopping with Joi and her daughter, we actually looked like a family, and I would be lying if I said I did not like that little feeling.
We also went shopping for some none bargirl clothes so Joi looked a bit more respectable now even in just a basic shirt and trousers, she no longer looked like she had just come from long time with someone.
After we had got clothes, a TV and some accessories for the apartment, we headed back to her new place to finalize everything.
Finalizing the New Home
Luckily for us, we had a good landlord, which is rare to find now days.
She promised that the room would be freshly cleaned and sorted within a few hours and we could move in very soon.
Finally Joi had a new home, new job and things were looking up for her.
Supporting A Bar Girl and My Limits
I covered the deposit for the apartment, I also agreed to pay her rent and give her a little extra each month to make up for the money she would be missing out on.
I also agreed to give her money each month to put away for her daughter with the agreement that she will show me transactions that her daughter’s money is in a separate bank account safe from spending.
That is my limit on what I will help her with and she knows this.
She knows im not here to fund her life or lifestyle, just giving her the little jump start that she needs until everything falls into place.
This is about Joi finally getting out of a life she never wanted.
About going back to university. About working a normal job.
About having a place of her own for the first time in her life.
I thought maybe, just maybe, this was the fresh start she needs.
How This Bargirl Betrayed Me
But, I am sure you can see where this is going..
To the surprise of probably nobody listening, I was completely wrong.
I thought I had her figured out.
Despite her go-go bar act, I believed there was a real girl underneath—someone who genuinely wanted a way out.
That’s why I helped her.
Not with crazy amounts like some guys throwing 20,000 or even 50,000 baht a month at their so-called “girlfriends.” Just 10,000 a month at most.
Anyway, everything went pair shaped when I decided to show up and her new job on the first week she was there, just to see how she’s doing and keep her company.
The plan was simple: stay until she finished at 2 AM, then leave together.
But the moment I walked in, I knew something was off.
The so called restaurant that she said she was now a waitress in, wasn’t really a restaurant, it was more of a club that also serves food.
And she wasn’t a waitress, in fact, she did not even work there.
She was actually freelancing there, getting ladydrinks and entertaining customers.
The new clothes that we had bought were nowhere to be seen and she was back dressed to the way she was when she worked on Soi Cowboy.
The Confrontation and Explosive Argument
At first, she seemed happy to see me. But that changed fast.
The second she realized I had caught her lying, the mood flipped.
She got really angry and started shouting at me in front of the customers, it felt awkward but she did not realize that lying to me about being a waitress would cause a problem.
I don’t think she ever expected me to come to the so called restaurant to see her.
I think she had a bit too much to drink because while everyone was looking she was still shouting at the top of her voice to me, to the point where one of the staff members told us to take it outside and talk.
We ended up outside in a full-blown argument.
She was yelling, saying she didn’t want to talk to me, acting like I was the villain.
The Final Straw
I tried to explain to her that just two days ago, I had helped her move into a real home.
After everything she’d told me about hating the go-go life, about wanting a fresh start, I had believed her.
I had trusted her.
I had paid 20,000 baht deposit on her new place, got her a new TV and accessories, even offered to give her and her daughter money each month to keep them afloat, and this is how she repays me.
I walked away from that argument feeling like a total mug, I can’t believe I actually fell for one of these girls and thought I could help them.
In the end, she was different from the rest, she played the game better than the rest.
All the years ive spent in this scene I have never been taken for a ride, until then, and I allowed it to happen.
So stupid.
The Aftermath
I never did see Joi again after that night, but I did hear from her, and I bet you can guess the reason why she contacted me.
She text me when rent was due, also her family needed help, so did her daughter.
I told her that I am no longer willing to help her, that she did this to herself by lying to me about her work.
She had it in her head that I was still going to help her and that nothing had changed about the way I felt.
Once I told her that im done with her and helping, that’s when the insults started coming at me.
I was the worst man on the planet according to her, just used her and never liked her.
Even though I was the one that helped her.
The Final Attempt (And Failure)
As rent day got closer, her mood suddenly shifted and she started being sweet again looking for forgiveness.
She apologized over and over, saying she had been a bad girl and wanted another chance to prove herself to me that she has changed.
But it was too late, I had already learnt my lesson and I wasn’t going to be taken for a fool again.
When begging for another chance and pouring her heart out to me did not work, she went onto plan B.
She told me she had stopped freelancing and actually got a job at the mall, she claimed she is done with bar work completely and is changing her life.
I mean, this is all I was trying to do for her, give her a better life, but she threw it right back in my face.
I wasn’t being caught out for a second time so I told her straight, if I actually see you working at the store then maybe we can start again and I can help you and your family out.
